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55-Year-Old with 5 Years to Retirement: Should I Buy a House or Continue Renting?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 16, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Surander Question by Surander on Dec 16, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi Sir, I need your prompt advice as i need to take decision on the same. I am 55 years and have 5-6 Years in retirement. Post retirement have planning and secure. Now coming to the point that i am staying a capital of state where i pay house rent Rs.40000/- PM. My take homme monthly salary is approx 6 Lacs. My organization have policy to pay 50% interest subsidy on interest of Housing loan. I am planning to purchase a flat value 1.25 Cr in which 80 Lacs Banks are ready to give for next 12 Years . monthly EMI will be 85-90 K and out of which approx 28K will be subsidy and 40K my rent and 5K saving of IT in Housing loan interest . Ideally it will cost to me approx. 15-20 K Per month additionally . After retirement i will sell the flat and square off my balance home loan. Please suggest is it worth of taking ....or i should continue to pay House rent and add 20 K liability in Mutual Fund contribution & avoid Interst subsidy !! Urgent reply please

Ans: Key Financial Factors to Consider
Option 1: Buying the Flat
EMI Costs

EMI: Rs. 85,000-90,000 monthly for 12 years.
Net EMI Cost (Post subsidy and tax saving): Rs. 15,000-20,000 per month.
Rental Saving

Buying eliminates rent, saving Rs. 40,000 monthly.
Subsidy Benefit

50% interest subsidy reduces your EMI burden by Rs. 28,000 per month.
Tax Benefits on Home Loan

You save approximately Rs. 5,000 monthly in taxes on interest payments.
Plan to Sell Post-Retirement

Selling the flat in 5-6 years may or may not yield significant appreciation.
Real estate liquidity can be unpredictable.
Option 2: Continuing to Rent
Current Costs

Rent: Rs. 40,000 per month.
No additional EMI burden.
Investment Opportunity

Allocate Rs. 20,000 monthly (saved from net EMI cost) to mutual funds.
This investment grows significantly in 5-6 years.
Flexibility

Renting offers flexibility in case of post-retirement relocation.
Detailed Analysis
Buying the Flat: Pros and Cons
Pros:

Owning a home offers emotional satisfaction.
Subsidy and tax savings reduce EMI burden.
Rent savings (Rs. 40,000) offsets the EMI.
Cons:

Requires additional Rs. 15,000-20,000 monthly for EMIs.
Real estate appreciation is uncertain over 5-6 years.
Selling post-retirement involves transaction costs and market risks.
Renting and Investing: Pros and Cons
Pros:

Avoids the hassle of a large loan and associated liabilities.
Rs. 20,000 invested in equity mutual funds can grow significantly.
More flexibility to relocate post-retirement.
Cons:

Rent payments continue with no ownership asset.
Miss out on interest subsidy and home loan tax benefits.
Scenario Comparison
Option 1: Buying the Flat
Total Outflow: Rs. 15,000-20,000 monthly (EMI after adjustments).
Asset Created: A flat worth Rs. 1.25 crore, potentially appreciating in value.
Risk: Real estate value may stagnate or decline in the short term.
Option 2: Renting and Investing
Total Outflow: Rs. 40,000 monthly in rent, plus Rs. 20,000 invested in mutual funds.
Investment Growth: Assuming 10% CAGR, Rs. 20,000 per month grows to Rs. 16 lakh in 5 years.
Risk: Market volatility may impact mutual fund returns.
Certified Financial Planner’s Suggestion
Based on your financial profile and goals, here is a balanced recommendation:

Leaning Towards Renting and Investing

Renting gives flexibility and avoids real estate risks.
Invest the additional Rs. 20,000 in equity mutual funds for better returns.
A diversified portfolio may provide more liquidity and growth by retirement.
If Emotional Value of Ownership Matters

Buy the flat only if you are confident about the real estate market in your city.
Ensure the flat is easily sellable in 5-6 years.
Carefully assess the costs and expected returns before committing.
Final Insights
Buying a flat works best if real estate appreciation outpaces mutual fund growth. However, this is uncertain in a short horizon. Renting and investing in mutual funds is a more flexible and potentially rewarding option for retirement planning.

Take a prudent decision considering your priorities and risk tolerance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
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Hi , I am 44 yrs old and having working wife and two son of 17 yrs & 5 yrs... elder son is down syndrom.. joint monthly take home is 2 lacs.. having 85 lacs of mutual fund.. 18 lacs in PPF, 32 lacs in EPF, & around 25 lacs in others like FD, saving, shares etc.. monthly saving around 1.2 lacs including 75K SIP, 18K PPF, 25K EPF etc... Having Own home at my native place.... Want to know that should I go for new Flat purchase at location where I am residing in rented house of monthly 14K excluding electricity or continue my investment in place of Home loan... I hv opted new tax slab and my wife is in old tax... my target to have 15 CR at the age of 60
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Income and Savings
Your combined monthly take-home income is Rs. 2 lakhs. Your current savings include:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 85 lakhs
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs. 18 lakhs
Employees’ Provident Fund (EPF): Rs. 32 lakhs
Other Investments (FD, Savings, Shares): Rs. 25 lakhs
Your monthly savings distribution is as follows:

SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 75,000
PPF: Rs. 18,000
EPF: Rs. 25,000
You live in a rented house with a rent of Rs. 14,000 per month.

Evaluating the Decision to Buy a New Flat
Current Housing Situation
Living in a rented house at Rs. 14,000 per month is relatively affordable, especially given your high monthly income. Renting provides flexibility and lower maintenance costs compared to owning.

Financial Impact of Buying a New Flat
Purchasing a new flat would involve a significant financial commitment, including a home loan, maintenance costs, property taxes, and other associated expenses. This would reduce your investable surplus and potentially impact your ability to meet your financial goals.

Comparative Analysis: Rent vs. Buy
Renting: Offers flexibility, lower upfront costs, and avoids long-term debt.
Buying: Provides stability and potential appreciation in property value but requires a large financial commitment and ongoing expenses.
Long-term Financial Goals
Target: Rs. 15 Crores by Age 60
To achieve your target of Rs. 15 crores by age 60, you need to focus on maximizing your investments' growth while maintaining a balanced risk profile.

Current Investments and Growth Potential
Mutual Funds: Your Rs. 85 lakhs in mutual funds can grow substantially with continued SIPs and market performance.
PPF and EPF: These provide stable, long-term growth with tax benefits, contributing to your retirement corpus.
Other Investments: FDs, savings, and shares add diversification but should be reviewed for optimal growth potential.
Investment Strategy
Enhancing SIP Contributions
Continuing and potentially increasing your SIP contributions will leverage the power of compounding. Focus on a mix of equity and debt funds to balance growth and risk.

Recommendation: Consider increasing your SIP by a percentage each year to keep pace with inflation and maximize returns.
Diversification and Rebalancing
Ensure your portfolio is diversified across various asset classes to minimize risk and optimize returns. Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your financial goals.

Recommendation: Include large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds for equity exposure. Balance with debt funds for stability.
Utilising Tax-efficient Investments
Maximize your contributions to tax-efficient instruments like PPF and EPF. These not only provide stable returns but also offer significant tax benefits.

Recommendation: Continue maximizing your PPF contributions and ensure your EPF contributions are optimized.
Emergency Fund Management
Maintaining a robust emergency fund is crucial. Your current Rs. 25 lakhs in FD and savings can be used to cover unexpected expenses.

Recommendation: Keep at least 6-12 months of living expenses in easily accessible liquid assets.
Estate Planning and Insurance
Life and Health Insurance
Ensure adequate life and health insurance coverage for your family, especially considering your elder son's needs. This will protect your family's financial stability in case of unforeseen events.

Recommendation: Opt for a comprehensive health insurance plan and term insurance for sufficient coverage.
Estate Planning
Create a comprehensive estate plan, including a will, to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes and your family is taken care of.

Recommendation: Consult a legal expert to draft a will and set up any necessary trusts.
Education and Future Planning for Children
Special Needs Planning
Given your elder son's Down syndrome, consider creating a financial plan that ensures his long-term care and support.

Recommendation: Look into setting up a special needs trust and explore government schemes and benefits available for children with disabilities.
Education Fund for Younger Son
Start a dedicated investment plan for your younger son's education. This can include child-specific mutual funds or education-focused investment plans.

Recommendation: Allocate a portion of your monthly savings towards an education fund.
Final Insights
Given your strong financial position and disciplined saving habits, you are well on your way to achieving your long-term goals. However, buying a new flat at this stage might not be the best financial decision if it significantly impacts your investment capacity.

Focusing on growing your investment portfolio and maintaining a balanced, diversified approach will help you accumulate the desired Rs. 15 crores by age 60. Ensuring adequate insurance coverage and planning for your elder son's special needs will further secure your family's future.

Stay disciplined with your investments, periodically review your portfolio, and make adjustments as needed to stay on track. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice and help optimize your financial strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am living on rent, and now I have searched and seen a residential property that is flat(constructed in 2007) at ground floor in a society, which is for sale and may be cost up from 18 L to 22 L final talk not done, within two months my matured savings would be 11 lakh also having a pf balance of 1.5 to 2 lakh and ornaments of about 10 Lakh I have two daughters age19 years and 14 years If I do not disturb the gold and pf balance I would be in need of home loan of about 10-12 lakh So, is it wise to take home loan Alongwith SIP of amounting 10 percent of emi only Or if I finish all the savings and asset I would required no loan and will opt to purchase a gold of 15000 every month My take home salary is 39500 Please suggest which one of both is better Or if you have any other suggestion please guide
Ans: Buying the Property: Assessing Your Options
You are considering purchasing a flat priced between Rs 18-22 lakh. You have Rs 11 lakh maturing soon and Rs 1.5-2 lakh in PF balance. You also have gold worth Rs 10 lakh. You are contemplating whether to take a home loan of Rs 10-12 lakh or use your savings and assets.

Evaluating the Home Loan Option
Pros of Taking a Home Loan:

Liquidity: You maintain liquidity by not using all your savings.
Tax Benefits: Home loans offer tax benefits under Sections 80C and 24(b).
SIP Continuation: You can continue your SIPs, growing your investments over time.
Cons of Taking a Home Loan:

EMI Burden: Monthly EMIs can strain your take-home salary of Rs 39,500.
Interest Cost: You pay interest on the loan, increasing the total cost of the property.
Financial Stress: Managing EMIs and other expenses might be challenging.
Evaluating Using Savings and Assets
Pros of Using Savings and Assets:

Debt-Free: No loan means no EMI burden.
Interest Savings: You save on interest costs.
Financial Freedom: No monthly EMI, allowing better cash flow management.
Cons of Using Savings and Assets:

Reduced Liquidity: Using all savings and assets reduces your emergency fund.
No SIPs: Stopping SIPs might impact long-term wealth creation.
No Tax Benefits: You miss out on home loan tax benefits.
Analyzing Monthly Cash Flow
Your take-home salary is Rs 39,500. Let's analyze the cash flow for both options:

With Home Loan:

EMI (Assumed): Rs 10,000 (approx)
SIP (10% of EMI): Rs 1,000
Total Outflow: Rs 11,000
Remaining cash for expenses and savings: Rs 28,500

Without Home Loan:

Gold Purchase: Rs 15,000 per month
No EMI: Rs 0
SIP Continuation: Assuming Rs 1,000 (for continuity)
Remaining cash for expenses and savings: Rs 23,500

Considering the Future
Children's Education: Your daughters are 19 and 14. Higher education costs might rise soon. Ensure you have funds for their education.
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses.
Retirement Planning: Continue to invest for your retirement.
Professional Insights and Recommendations
Balanced Approach: Consider a mix of both options. Use part of your savings and take a smaller home loan. This keeps some liquidity while reducing loan burden.
Prioritize SIPs: Ensure you continue your SIPs. SIPs are crucial for long-term wealth creation.
Gold Investment: Buying gold every month can diversify your portfolio. However, consider market fluctuations.
Emergency Fund: Always maintain an emergency fund. Avoid exhausting all savings on the property.
Tax Benefits: Utilize home loan tax benefits if you opt for a loan. It can reduce your taxable income.
Final Insights
Buying a property is a significant decision. Evaluate all aspects before proceeding. Consider both immediate and future financial needs. Balancing liquidity, tax benefits, and long-term investments is key. Make a decision that aligns with your financial goals and stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Money
Hi Mam, I need your prompt advice as i need to take decision on the same. I am 55 years and have 5-6 Years in retirement. Post retirement have planning and secure. Now coming to the point that i am staying a capital of state where i pay house rent Rs.40000/- PM. My take homme monthly salary is approx 6 Lacs. My organization have policy to pay 50% interest subsidy on interest of Housing loan. I am planning to purchase a flat value 1.25 Cr in which 80 Lacs Banks are ready to give for next 12 Years . monthly EMI will be 85-90 K and out of which approx 28K will be subsidy and 40K my rent and 5K saving of IT in Housing loan interest . Ideally it will cost to me approx. 15-20 K Per month additionally . After retirement i will sell the flat and square off my balance home loan. Please suggest is it worth of taking ....or i should continue to pay House rent and add 20 K liability in Mutual Fund contribution . Urgent reply please
Ans: You are evaluating whether to buy a flat worth Rs. 1.25 crore or continue renting. Let us assess this situation considering financial, practical, and retirement planning aspects.

 

Financial Considerations
1. Monthly Cost Comparison

Current rent is Rs. 40,000 per month.
EMI for the home loan is Rs. 85,000-90,000 per month.
Subsidy from your organisation reduces the EMI cost by Rs. 28,000.
Tax savings on housing loan interest further reduce the cost by Rs. 5,000.
Net additional cost to you is Rs. 15,000-20,000 per month.
 

2. Opportunity Cost of Down Payment

Buying the flat requires Rs. 45 lakh as a down payment (including registration).
Investing this amount in mutual funds for 5-6 years can yield higher returns.
Evaluate if your current mutual fund contributions can bridge this gap later.
 

3. Post-Retirement Loan Liability

Your home loan tenure is 12 years.
After retirement, loan repayments will depend on other income sources.
Selling the flat to clear the loan may not always fetch expected value.
 

4. Rent vs. Ownership Costs

Owning a flat involves maintenance, property tax, and repair costs.
Consider if these costs are affordable post-retirement.
Renting offers flexibility and avoids these additional expenses.
 

Lifestyle and Practical Aspects
1. Stability vs. Flexibility

Owning a flat provides stability and security of residence.
Renting offers flexibility to relocate post-retirement if needed.
 

2. Emotional Value of Owning a Home

Buying a home can give emotional satisfaction and a sense of achievement.
Ensure this decision aligns with your long-term financial health.
 

3. Rental Yield Analysis

Flats often have low rental yields compared to their cost.
You may not earn substantial rental income after clearing the loan.
 

Retirement Planning
1. Impact on Retirement Corpus

Redirecting Rs. 20,000 to mutual funds can grow significantly over 6 years.
This additional corpus can support your post-retirement lifestyle.
 

2. Liquidity Needs Post-Retirement

Flats are illiquid assets and may take time to sell when needed.
Liquid investments ensure easy access to funds during emergencies.
 

3. Alternate Strategies

Continuing to rent and investing in mutual funds may create better retirement wealth.
Combine equity and debt funds for an optimal mix of growth and stability.
 

Tax and Subsidy Considerations
1. Housing Loan Subsidy

The 50% interest subsidy reduces your effective EMI significantly.
This benefit reduces the immediate cost of buying the flat.
 

2. Tax Savings on Interest

Tax benefits under Section 24 further reduce the financial burden.
These savings must be factored into your overall cost analysis.
 

Final Insights
Buying a flat offers stability but increases financial obligations. Continuing to rent allows flexibility and creates additional retirement wealth. Evaluate the long-term implications on your retirement corpus before deciding. Align this decision with your financial goals and retirement needs. Engage with a Certified Financial Planner to create a detailed retirement plan and optimise your investments.

 

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2025Hindi
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Hello sir, I am 35yo with 2 (4yo, 1yo) children. Can I retire now, with following corpus: mutual fund and stocks : 3.5 crore, lands: 50 lakh, PF&PPF: 80 lakh, FD: 25 lakh, SGB &Gold:50 lakh. Currently doesn't own any house. Monthly expense is around 1 lakh.
Ans: Your corpus and monthly expenses show a solid foundation. Retirement at 35, however, requires careful assessment. Let’s analyse your situation step by step.

Current Financial Assets and Allocations

Mutual Funds and Stocks: Rs 3.5 crore

This is a significant part of your corpus. Equity investments offer high growth potential.

Lands: Rs 50 lakh

Real estate investments are illiquid. Consider them only for long-term growth or inheritance.

PF and PPF: Rs 80 lakh

These provide stability and assured returns. These are good for meeting long-term goals.

Fixed Deposit: Rs 25 lakh

FDs are low-risk and ensure liquidity. This is beneficial for emergencies.

SGB and Gold: Rs 50 lakh

Gold is a strong hedge against inflation. It also offers diversification.

Monthly Expense Analysis

Your monthly expense of Rs 1 lakh equates to Rs 12 lakh annually.

Accounting for inflation, this expense will grow over time. Planning for this is crucial.

Core Observations

Your total corpus is Rs 5.55 crore. This is substantial for your age.

Inflation and rising expenses over time will impact your corpus.

Without a house, rent becomes a recurring expense. Factor this into your calculations.

You have no guaranteed income sources post-retirement.

Key Areas of Improvement

Housing

Consider buying a house if feasible. Owning a house ensures stability and reduces rent.

Do not invest excessively in real estate as it is illiquid.

Corpus Utilisation

Avoid over-reliance on equity investments for withdrawals. Equity is volatile in the short term.

Use a mix of debt and equity for regular withdrawals.

Children’s Education and Marriage

Both are major financial goals. Plan dedicated investments for these.

Use long-term instruments for education and marriage funds.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund of at least 12 months of expenses.

Keep it in liquid funds or high-yield savings accounts.

Recommended Financial Strategies

Asset Allocation

Diversify your portfolio across equity, debt, and gold.

Maintain 60% equity, 30% debt, and 10% gold as a starting point. Adjust as needed.

Mutual Fund Investments

Continue with actively managed funds. These can outperform index funds in emerging markets like India.

Avoid direct funds if you lack time or expertise. Regular funds offer advisor support and insights.

Debt Investments

Increase debt allocation for stability. Consider high-quality debt mutual funds.

Ensure these align with your withdrawal needs.

Tax Planning

Monitor tax implications of mutual fund withdrawals.

LTCG from equity funds above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Plan withdrawals to minimise tax liabilities.

Insurance Needs

Ensure adequate health insurance for your family. Cover at least Rs 25 lakh for each member.

Check if you have term insurance. Secure Rs 2-3 crore coverage for your family’s financial safety.

Inflation and Lifestyle Adjustments

Inflation can erode your purchasing power. Plan investments to counter inflation.

Avoid lifestyle inflation. Stick to essential expenses wherever possible.

Income Generation Options

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)

Use SWP from mutual funds for regular income.

Choose hybrid funds for better stability and returns.

Rental Income

Invest part of your corpus in commercial properties.

Ensure this aligns with your liquidity needs and risk profile.

Freelance or Part-Time Work

Consider light work for additional income. It can extend your corpus.

Use your skills to generate flexible income streams.

Monitoring and Review

Review your portfolio annually. Adjust allocations as goals evolve.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner for periodic checks.

Final Insights

Retirement at 35 is ambitious but achievable with meticulous planning. Your current corpus is strong, but consider the following:

Plan for inflation, children’s needs, and healthcare costs.

Diversify investments and secure guaranteed income sources.

Avoid premature decisions. Evaluate thoroughly before retiring.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
For better interpersonal skills, you can proactively follow some rules- like active listening, avoiding overthinking, asking open-ended questions, and resisting the urge to seek your partner's approval.
About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.
Ans: it's important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect and abuse. Your feelings of isolation and frustration are valid. It can feel overwhelming when the people who should support you instead make you feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

You have already shown great courage by managing so much on your own. Continue to seek out support and know that you are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources willing to help you find a path to a healthier and more secure life.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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