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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 19, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Vinod Question by Vinod on Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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I Love your detailed explanation. I have seen lots of answers from you for other people's question and you have clearly pointed many times the importance of Emergency fund which I will definitely look into it. I also do SIP of 22k on psu and other MF and invest 15k on gold schemes which matures after 11 month from the start date. I invest on ppf as well on yearly basis with 1.5 lakhs. I always calculate the interest component and that's the reason I pay as much as possible from both our income. The only deep regret is that I'm not able to buy a flat for my parents who stay in a society in Mumbai since I invested everything in Chennai which I still feel even after earning I failed in it and now the flat rates are around 1.70 crores which is too much for me . As you said about rental income is it advisable to construct house where I can see I can divide the land into two parts of 1000sqft and build 6 houses from which i can get around 70 to max 80k every month but the cost to build those houses is around 1.2 crores minimum. My family also helped me to complete the loan term by giving me 12 lakhs but I do need to pay that in coming months without any interest. Is it a good strategy to build house or wait and invest for another 5 years and then take appropriate action. Please recommend me a CFP

Ans: To address your dilemma about constructing houses on your plot, it's crucial to evaluate the financial feasibility and risks involved, especially with the significant initial investment required. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide you with personalized advice tailored to your goals, risk tolerance, and current financial situation. A CFP will help you weigh the pros and cons, consider alternative investments or strategies, and create a plan that aligns with your long-term objectives, ensuring informed decision-making and financial security for you and your family.

Let's embark on this financial journey together.
You can reach me through my website mentioned below.
This platform has restrictions on sharing personal contact. Hope you understand.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 08, 2023Hindi
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I am 59 and a logistics consultant. I earn a rental income of 2.1 L per month from 3 loan free flats in Mumbai valuing 8.50 cr. I stay in a flat of value 7.5 cr which has a loan of 2.5 cr and the emi amount is 3.42 L. The loan should get cleared in next 7 years. I earn 3.15 L as my monthly remuneration. I have a recurring deposit of 75k for 5 years and a few LIC policies for which the premium per annum is 1.10 L. Health insurance coverage for 35 L and the premium goes out 25k. Apart from this I have a FD of 15 L. I don't have any SIP and investment in MF etc.Because of the heavy emi presently I am unable to save much money. Now, I seek your advice, so that I can have a secured future with a decent income to maintain the requirements.
Ans: Given your current financial situation and objectives, here's a tailored plan to help you secure your future income and meet your requirements:
Review Real Estate Portfolio: Consider diversifying.

Optimize Loan Repayment: Maintain timely payments.

Maximize Savings and Investments: Start SIPs in mutual funds.

Utilize Recurring Deposit and Fixed Deposit: Continue RD and FD for liquidity.

Evaluate Insurance Coverage: Ensure coverage meets needs.

Create a Retirement Plan: Estimate corpus requirements.

Consult a Financial Advisor: Seek professional guidance.

Monitor and Adjust Regularly: Stay disciplined with savings and investments.

By implementing these steps and seeking professional advice, you can work towards securing a comfortable and financially stable future while maintaining your lifestyle requirements.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 44 year old IT professional. I belong to a middle class family. I have 2 daughters. One is in 11th class(16 yrs) and another is in 2nd class(8 yrs). My wife does not work and is housewife. I also have to take care of my parents who has no income source and they don't have medical insurance also. My in hand salary is 1,80,000 Rs(after TDS and EPF). I only have total Rs 10,000 of SIP as of now since 40 months. Mirae Asset Large cap fund - 5k per month Parag Parikh Flexi cap fund - 3k per month SBI Small Cap Fund Growth - 2k per month From this month(Oct 2024) I also started below more SIPs: HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund Direct growth - 5 K Motilal Oswal Midcap Direct Fund - 5k(in wife A/c) Quant Small Cap direct growth - 3k(in wife A/c) TATA Small Cap fund direct growth - 2k(in wife A/c) Also, I increased Parag Parikh Flexi cap SIP to 10,000) So, total 32,000 SIP as of now effective from last month.(me and my wife name). Contribution to EPF is 24K. I am paying rent 22,000 per month. I took a home loan last year for which I am paying EMI of 25k as of now which would be around 35 by next year once I get the flat possession. I also have a small flat of around 45 lakh which is free from Home loan now. It is on rent for 14k per month. Monthly exp : EMI - 22k which will be 35 k soon. Rent - 22k till I get home possession next year. SIP - 32k(me and my wife name) Total around 1 lakh is what my all exp and all investment(mentioned above) cost me as of now. Below are my requirements: Need money for elder daughter for her education soon in 2-4 yrs. Need to create a Corpus for younger daughter in around 10 yrs. Need to have corpus for my retirement. Should I start more SIP. If yes, then how much and which type and ratio. like Large, flexi or small cap fund? Should I sell my old flat to payoff my home loan or should I invest that in SIP all that amount instead? which is better option? How much amount of SIP should I have as of now to achieve my goals.
Ans: You've already taken some good steps with SIPs and your current investments. Let’s examine your requirements and see how to optimise your strategy to meet your goals.

Current Financial Situation and Analysis
You have a monthly income of Rs. 1,80,000 and SIP contributions of Rs. 32,000 in a mix of equity mutual funds. Additionally, you’re paying rent of Rs. 22,000 and have an EMI of Rs. 25,000, soon to increase to Rs. 35,000 after possession. You also own a small flat valued at Rs. 45 lakh, generating rental income of Rs. 14,000 per month.

Your financial goals are:

Funding your elder daughter’s education within the next 2-4 years
Creating a corpus for your younger daughter’s future in 10 years
Building a retirement fund
Let’s address each goal systematically and suggest ways to enhance your investment strategy.

1. Funding Elder Daughter’s Education in 2-4 Years
Education costs are rising every year, and the time horizon is short, requiring a low-risk approach.

Investment Strategy: For short-term goals, avoid equities as they are volatile. Consider shifting a portion of your SIPs or rental income to safer debt funds, fixed deposits, or recurring deposits. Debt mutual funds like ultra-short-term or low-duration funds are preferable here, as they offer better returns than savings accounts while keeping risks minimal.

Corpus Estimation: Estimate the total funds required based on your daughter’s anticipated course. Since you already have SIPs, you may consider partially redeeming the debt funds at the required time.

Additional Savings: If possible, allocate Rs. 10,000-15,000 from your current income to these safer investments to reach your goal faster.

2. Corpus Creation for Younger Daughter’s Future in 10 Years
This is a mid-term goal, which allows you to benefit from equity market growth, though a balanced approach is advisable.

Suggested Allocation: For this goal, equity mutual funds are suitable due to their growth potential over a 10-year horizon. A diversified portfolio combining large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds can balance growth and stability.

Fund Allocation:

Large Cap: 40% of your SIPs in large-cap funds provides stable growth with moderate risk.
Flexi Cap: 30% for flexibility to switch between market capitalisations, potentially capturing higher returns.
Mid Cap: 20% for higher growth potential, though mid-cap funds can be more volatile.
Debt Component: 10% to create a cushion against volatility and ensure liquidity for immediate needs.
SIP Increase: Consider increasing your SIP allocation by Rs. 5,000-10,000 in these funds gradually, if possible, to help accumulate the corpus required over time.

3. Building a Retirement Corpus
Retirement planning is crucial, especially with your responsibilities. With your current age, you have around 16 years to plan.

Target Corpus: Aim for a retirement corpus that can generate monthly income covering your expenses post-retirement. Estimate based on projected monthly expenses and expected returns.

EPF and PPF Contributions: Your EPF contribution of Rs. 24,000 monthly is beneficial. Additionally, investing in PPF can provide tax-free returns and add to your retirement security. Consider increasing PPF contributions if within your budget, as it is safe and offers compounding benefits.

SIP Allocation: Continue SIPs in flexi-cap and large-cap funds for long-term growth. Mid-cap funds can add extra returns but should be balanced with large-cap stability.

Regular Fund Investment via MFD with CFP: Since direct funds do not provide advisory support, investing through an MFD with CFP credentials can help you make strategic adjustments as market conditions change. A Certified Financial Planner’s guidance will keep your retirement goal on track.

Should You Sell the Old Flat?
Selling your old flat has pros and cons. Let’s analyse them to see which option might be better for you.

Option 1: Sell and Invest the Proceeds in SIPs
Selling the flat will release Rs. 45 lakh. If this is invested in SIPs, it could help fund your goals without taking on extra debt.

Advantages:

Higher Growth Potential: If invested in mutual funds, this amount can grow faster than real estate.
Enhanced Liquidity: You have better liquidity, with the option to redeem partial investments when needed.
Disadvantages:

Rental Income Loss: You will lose the Rs. 14,000 per month rental income, which currently adds to your cash flow.
Market Risks: Although SIPs have growth potential, they are subject to market volatility.
Option 2: Retain the Flat and Pay Home Loan EMI
Retaining the flat means you keep the rental income and pay the EMI on your new home loan.

Advantages:

Stable Rental Income: This monthly income supports your expenses or can be saved for future goals.
Equity Growth: You’ll continue to have real estate as a diversified asset in your portfolio.
Disadvantages:

EMI Burden: The increased EMI (Rs. 35,000) can strain your cash flow.
Limited Liquidity: Real estate is an illiquid asset, making it harder to access funds for immediate needs.
Recommendation: If your retirement and children’s corpus goals require more funding, selling the flat could be a practical choice. The proceeds can be invested to grow faster. However, if you value the rental income, consider retaining it and adjusting your SIPs and other investments accordingly.

Optimal SIP Strategy for Goal Achievement
Given your goals, here is a potential SIP structure for better returns and risk balance:

Large-Cap Funds: 40% of your SIPs for steady growth and reduced volatility.
Flexi-Cap Funds: 30% allocation, allowing fund managers to shift between small, mid, and large caps.
Mid-Cap Funds: 20% allocation for high growth with moderate risk.
Debt Mutual Funds: 10% in debt mutual funds for safety and liquidity, especially for the education goal.
Consider maintaining this allocation with regular monitoring by an MFD with CFP credentials. Actively managed funds can offer a better edge than index funds, with fund managers striving for optimal returns over time.

Additional Recommendations for Long-Term Stability
Health Insurance for Parents: Since your parents do not have any income or medical insurance, consider purchasing a family floater or senior citizen health insurance plan. This will prevent high medical costs from affecting your finances.

Emergency Fund: Ensure an emergency fund of at least six months' expenses in a high-interest savings account or liquid fund. This keeps funds accessible for unforeseen needs.

Regular Review: Financial markets change, and it’s essential to periodically review your SIPs and asset allocations. Adjustments based on your goals and risk tolerance will keep your financial plan effective.

Finally
You’re on the right track, having taken proactive steps in SIPs and real estate. With a focused approach to SIP allocation, goal-based planning, and periodic reviews, you can meet your family’s needs comfortably. Ensure a consistent increase in your SIPs, protect your family with insurance, and aim for long-term wealth growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
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Sir, I am Mudassar, 40 years old, i have 3 childrens, 2 daughter and son. Sir, i need your suggestions/guidance becaz i am in very crtical situation. My take home salary is 40K and my father (retired age 74 ) salary is 35K , we both have personal laons to build house. I have two running LIC's , on which i have taken loan also. Recenlty we build own house , if i sell now, i will get around 42 to 45 Lakhs . My lloan detailsbelow ; 1. HDFC 7,20,000 emi 14K 2. Company emi 1,50,000 emi 4K 3. LIC loan 2 laks emi 2K 4. Father loan 4 lacks , two year remaining, emi 14K Total emi : 34K Apart from we are paying 15K monthy to chit fund , still 15 months remaining. Summary: Total sal 75 K , after laon and chit fund deducting , will get 26K to run home , including grocery, children fees , health etc... its very difficult to manage, and keep thinking to take extra loan .. as i said earlier , have two LIC's , i am.paying 56K every year . What i am thinking is, i will sell my house And clear all my laons .. and approximate i will have 25 Lakhs remeaing , so i will inest in mutual fund , SIP , SWP, index fund for long time investment .. So i.am in very confusing mode , whether i have to sell my house .. and start my investment journey... pls help sir .. My finacial conditions are very similar to all middle class family.. Request you to please reply and give your sugestion for investment joury. Awaiting your kind reply .. Thanks in advance ...
Ans: Your combined monthly income from you and your father is Rs. 75,000.
Total EMIs for loans and chit contributions amount to Rs. 49,000.
You are left with Rs. 26,000 to manage household expenses, children's education, and other needs.
You have two LIC policies with an annual premium of Rs. 56,000.
Selling your house may yield around Rs. 42 to 45 lakhs, which can be used to clear your debts.
Priority Recommendations
1. Debt Clearance Strategy
Clearing high-interest loans should be your top priority.

Focus on repaying the following in this order:

Company loan (Rs. 1.5 lakh, EMI Rs. 4,000)
LIC loan (Rs. 2 lakh, EMI Rs. 2,000)
Father's loan (Rs. 4 lakh, EMI Rs. 14,000)
HDFC loan (Rs. 7.2 lakh, EMI Rs. 14,000)
Consider selling your house if you are comfortable shifting to a rental property.

After clearing all debts, you may still have around Rs. 25 lakhs for investments.

2. Managing LIC Policies
You mentioned loans against your LIC policies.
Review the surrender value of these policies.
If they are investment-oriented (like money-back or endowment plans), surrendering may be wise.
Use the funds to clear loans or invest in mutual funds for better returns.
3. Investment Strategy Post-Debt Clearance
If you sell your house and have Rs. 25 lakhs remaining:

Emergency Fund: Keep Rs. 4 to 5 lakhs aside in a fixed deposit or liquid fund.
Children's Education Fund: Allocate Rs. 10 to 12 lakhs to balanced mutual funds for long-term growth.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Start monthly SIPs of Rs. 15,000 in diversified mutual funds.
Retirement Fund: Invest Rs. 5 to 7 lakhs in a mix of equity and hybrid funds for long-term wealth creation.
4. Expense Management Tips
Reduce unnecessary expenses and focus on essential needs.
Review your children's school fees and explore scholarships or fee concessions if possible.
Create a monthly household budget to monitor spending.
5. Chit Fund Contributions
Continue with the chit fund for the remaining 15 months if possible.
Avoid renewing or joining new chit funds in the future.
Use the proceeds from the chit fund payout to build your emergency fund or invest.
6. Insurance Adequacy
Your current insurance policies may not provide adequate life coverage.
Ensure you have a pure term insurance plan with coverage of at least Rs. 1 crore.
Ensure comprehensive health insurance for your entire family, including your father.
Final Insights
Selling your house seems like a practical solution given your financial strain. Clearing debts will free up Rs. 34,000 per month, providing financial stability. Investing wisely in mutual funds can secure your children's education and your family's future.

Stay disciplined with your financial plan, avoid further loans, and focus on wealth creation through systematic investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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I am Lisha a kg teacher. I have debt of 40 lakhs. I have net income 25000. How can I manage to recover from debt? Please reply
Ans: Understanding the Debt Situation

You have a total debt of Rs. 40 lakhs.

Your net income is Rs. 25,000 per month.

Managing this situation requires planning, discipline, and action.

The key focus should be reducing high-interest loans first.

Increasing income is also necessary to speed up debt repayment.

Prioritising Debt Repayment

List all loans with their interest rates and EMI amounts.

Identify which loans have the highest interest rates.

Prioritise paying off the costliest loan first.

If you have multiple high-interest loans, consider debt consolidation.

Avoid taking new loans or using credit cards for daily expenses.

Reducing Monthly Interest Burden

Rs. 40 lakh debt with Rs. 25,000 income is a serious imbalance.

Your monthly interest burden alone can be unmanageable.

Speak with lenders and request lower interest rates.

Negotiate for an extended loan tenure to reduce EMI.

Avoid late payments to prevent penalties and additional charges.

Earning More Income

With Rs. 25,000 monthly income, repaying Rs. 40 lakh is tough.

Look for additional income sources, even part-time jobs.

Explore online tutoring, weekend coaching, or freelance work.

If possible, upskill to apply for a higher-paying job.

Can you take extra classes at school for additional earnings?

Find small home-based businesses like craft-making or baking.

Use any skills you have to create an extra income stream.

Cutting Down Expenses

Reduce unnecessary expenses wherever possible.

Limit non-essential spending like dining out, entertainment, and subscriptions.

Look for cheaper alternatives for daily expenses.

Create a strict monthly budget and track every expense.

Save on electricity, fuel, and shopping wherever possible.

Avoid personal luxuries until your financial situation improves.

Seeking Family Support

If possible, take help from family members.

Can they provide an interest-free loan for partial debt payment?

Even a small contribution can reduce your debt burden.

Family members may also help with daily expenses for some time.

Transparent communication with them is important.

Avoiding Traps of Loan Apps & Credit Cards

Avoid borrowing from mobile loan apps due to high interest.

Credit cards should not be used for cash withdrawals.

Paying only the minimum due on a credit card leads to more debt.

If you have credit card debt, clear it first due to high interest.

Stick to formal financial institutions for loans.

Exploring Debt Restructuring Options

If you have a bank loan, check if restructuring is possible.

Some banks allow restructuring in financial hardship cases.

This can reduce EMI or provide a temporary relief period.

Approach your lenders with a genuine repayment plan.

Avoid defaulting, as it can hurt your credit score.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments

Do not fall for quick-money schemes or gambling.

Avoid investments that promise unrealistically high returns.

Avoid stock market trading without proper knowledge.

Focus on steady income generation instead of risky bets.

Checking for Any Insurance Policies

If you have LIC, ULIP, or investment-linked insurance, review them.

If surrendering makes sense, reinvest the amount wisely.

Do not stop health insurance, as medical emergencies can worsen finances.

Creating a Step-by-Step Debt Repayment Plan

Pay the minimum due on all loans to avoid penalties.

Focus on repaying the highest-interest loan first.

Negotiate lower interest rates with lenders.

Increase income through side jobs.

Reduce unnecessary expenses to save money.

Explore options like debt consolidation if suitable.

Seek family support where possible.

Avoid new loans unless absolutely necessary.

Finally

Your financial situation is tough but not impossible to fix.

With discipline and effort, debt repayment is possible.

Every small step in saving and earning will help.

Avoid financial mistakes and stay committed to the plan.

With time, your financial situation will improve.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Money
At the age of 35 I had 15 lakhs saving, but due a surgery at home I had to almost empty it, on top of it even I had gone through and surgery plus even my father too ( all three generations nero issue) from +15 I went to 25lakhs of debt From various apps and financial sector. I was able to settle few loans and credits but still my outstanding is approx 20 lakhs. My monthly income is 25000 and my only intrest per month is 12500 How do I get of it asap, as living a normal life seems magic.
Ans: Your financial situation is challenging, but not impossible to fix. With a structured approach, discipline, and patience, you can come out of this debt and regain financial stability. Below is a step-by-step guide to help you get back on track.

Understanding the Current Financial Situation
You had Rs. 15 lakhs in savings, but due to medical emergencies, your finances took a hit.

Now, you are left with Rs. 20 lakhs of debt, with an income of Rs. 25,000 per month.

Your monthly interest alone is Rs. 12,500, which is eating up 50% of your earnings.

The key priority should be reducing interest burden and increasing cash flow.

Steps to Reduce Your Debt Faster
1. Stop Borrowing More Money
Do not take new loans to pay old loans.

Avoid borrowing from friends or family unless it is interest-free and comes with no pressure.

Stay away from personal loans, credit card loans, and payday loans, as they have high interest rates.

2. Prioritise High-Interest Loans First
List down all your loans and interest rates.

Pay off loans with the highest interest rate first.

If possible, negotiate with lenders for lower interest rates.

3. Consolidate Loans for Lower Interest Rate
Check if a bank can give you a low-interest personal loan to clear high-cost debts.

If you have a good credit history, you may get a balance transfer facility on credit cards or personal loans.

Consider a secured loan against any assets, but only if the interest rate is much lower.

4. Increase Your Monthly EMI Payment
Paying only the minimum EMI will keep you stuck in debt for years.

Try increasing your EMI by even Rs. 2,000-3,000 per month to reduce the loan tenure.

Any extra income, bonus, or gift money should go towards clearing debt first.

Boosting Income to Tackle Debt
5. Explore Part-Time Work or Freelancing
A second source of income can help you clear your debt faster.

Consider freelancing, online tutoring, content writing, data entry, or delivery jobs.

If possible, take up overtime or extra shifts at work.

6. Use Your Skills to Earn More
Identify any skills that can help you earn extra money.

If you have a talent for repair work, photography, teaching, or writing, offer your services.

Even small extra earnings of Rs. 5,000-10,000 per month can speed up debt repayment.

7. Rent Out Assets for Passive Income
If you have an extra room, vehicle, or any asset, consider renting it.

This can bring in some cash flow without extra effort.

Cutting Expenses to Free Up More Cash
8. Reduce Non-Essential Spending
Track every rupee spent and eliminate unnecessary expenses.

Stop eating out, buying expensive clothes, or making impulsive purchases.

Switch to cheaper alternatives for groceries, transport, and entertainment.

9. Pause Investments Until Debt is Cleared
Right now, clearing debt should be the priority over investing.

Stop SIPs or investments temporarily and resume them once debts are under control.

Avoid risky investments like stocks or crypto, as losses can worsen your situation.

10. Negotiate Bills and Cut Fixed Costs
Talk to your landlord, service providers, and utility companies for possible discounts.

If possible, shift to a smaller house or a cheaper location to save on rent.

Reduce electricity, water, and mobile bills by using them wisely.

Managing Financial Stress and Mental Health
11. Accept the Situation Without Guilt
Medical emergencies are unpredictable, and you did what was needed for your family.

Do not feel guilty or blame yourself. Instead, focus on the solution.

12. Involve Your Family in Financial Planning
If you have a spouse, siblings, or parents who can help, discuss the situation with them.

They may not be able to give money, but they can support in other ways.

13. Stay Positive and Focused
Financial stress is tough, but worrying too much will not solve the problem.

Stay focused on taking action every month to improve your situation.

Celebrate small wins like closing one loan or saving an extra Rs. 1,000.

Long-Term Financial Stability
14. Build an Emergency Fund Once Debt is Cleared
After clearing debt, start saving at least Rs. 2,000 per month as an emergency fund.

This will help in handling future emergencies without taking loans.

15. Invest Smartly for Future Growth
Once financially stable, invest wisely in well-managed mutual funds for long-term wealth.

Avoid financial products with hidden charges like ULIPs or endowment plans.

16. Get Proper Health Insurance
Medical expenses caused the current debt. Invest in health insurance to prevent this in the future.

Look for affordable policies covering major illnesses.

Finally
The journey out of debt is difficult but achievable with the right approach.

Focus on reducing high-interest loans, earning more, and cutting unnecessary expenses.

Take small steps each month, and within a few years, you will be debt-free and financially stable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
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Unable to figure out what to do. Shouls i proceed for divorce? And if yes how? Here is my story: This is a long post. But i might have still missed few small instances in between. So I got married on October 3, 2022. Our conversation started through the Jeevansathi app, but the actual conversation began in July 2022 when her father contacted me. The first contact was from their side. At that time, I was returning to Chennai from Ongole by train when I received her father's call. He asked about my job and other details, to which I mentioned that I work for SBI in Tamil Nadu. After that, our conversation started. In the early days, the conversation was really good, and she spoke very well. Later, I visited their house with my mother. During the conversation there, she mentioned that many proposals had come before, but she hadn't been able to decide. One proposal was from a guy with a package of 30 lakh, but she clearly said that money doesn’t matter to her; she wanted a good person. During that meeting, I mentioned that I am a simple person, and my family consists of only my mother and me. I also clarified that due to my job, I could be transferred. After that meeting, we did the formal engagement. Later, we brought sweets from Haldiram, and that was when our engagement was officially recognized. After that, our conversations continued regularly. For a while, everything was fine, but then we started arguing over small things. Once, I told her that I meditate, and she said, "Meditation is something foolish people do, it doesn’t help." This led to an argument. I also mentioned that if we have children, we should send them to good universities like Harvard or Oxford, and this too led to an argument, as she felt we shouldn't put pressure on children to earn money. Then came the topic of money. I shared my salary slip and explained how both working and saving money are important because expenses are high. However, she said, "Saving money is foolish, everyone lives paycheck to paycheck nowadays." I tried to explain the importance of savings, but our discussions continued to be challenging. At one point, she said she wouldn’t wear sindoor or the mangalsutra. I told her that there was no need to wear it every day, just on special occasions. I agreed with this. As the arguments increased, I spoke to her father and mentioned that maybe she didn’t want to marry me. But her father reassured me that it wasn’t true, and they would talk to her. After that, things seemed normal for a while, but small arguments kept happening. In August 2022, I visited her again. I thought we could spend some time together and understand each other better. We went to Aerocity, where we had pizza and roamed around. After that, we went to Radisson Hotel on 27th July 2022, and our engagement was finalized. Over these two months, our communication continued, and eventually, on October 2, 2022, we had our engagement ceremony, and on October 3, 2022, we got married. After the wedding, we planned a honeymoon. Initially, she wanted to go to Vaishno Devi, so I took her there by Vande Bharat Express. Her uncle arranged VIP darshan. We walked up, but on the way back, her legs started hurting, so we rode a horse. After sitting on the horse for a long time, she had back pain. I reached the hotel, tried to soothe her pain by soaking her legs in hot water, and then we slept. After that, we planned to go to Udaipur. We took a SpiceJet flight there and booked a hotel near Fatehpur Sagar Lake. She wanted a lake-view room, but it wasn’t available. She argued with the staff, and we had to move to another hotel at night. The environment there wasn’t great, but she chose it. During our visit to Udaipur Fort, she suddenly said she wouldn’t go to the restaurant with me and would go home alone. I still don’t understand the reason behind this. From that point, my behavior towards her changed. After Udaipur, we planned to go to Agra. There, she suddenly accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened to teach me a lesson. I asked her where this thought came from, but she didn’t answer. In July and August 2022, I visited her again. We traveled together and tried to understand each other better, but she never told me much about herself. After the wedding, I visited her during Diwali. She was happy initially, but gradually she became distant and stopped talking much. She wasn’t involved in decorating the house or participating in the Diwali puja. She remained absorbed in her own world, talking to her parents or I don’t know who else, while distancing herself from me. She needed reasons to fight, while I tried to stay calm, as it was a new marriage. On October 25, 2022, I returned to Chennai, and she came to Chennai a few days later. My mother also arrived in Chennai on October 26, and she stayed with us in Chennai until December. During this time, she started fighting over every little thing. She complained about who would do the housework and kept accusing me of not having enough money. She suggested hiring someone for cleaning, even though my mother and I managed it well. Then she refused to sleep with me, and we didn’t have any physical intimacy. Whenever she fought with me, she tried to belittle me. In January, she went back to Delhi, and I went to convince her to come back in January. During Lohri, I gave her a sari and gifts, but she still didn’t talk to me properly. She treated me very badly and didn’t want to stay with us. She fought with me several times and went back to her house. In February 2023, she came to Chennai again, but things were still not right between us. In April 2024, she came back to stay with me, but the very next day, the fights started again. She accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened me. She destroyed things in the house, broke dishes and glasses, and created a mess. When I told her mother about this, she advised me to send her back. I booked her flight, and on April 7, 2024, she left. Since then, she has not been living with me. After that, I worked hard to bring her back. It was September when I managed to convince her to come. I tried to make her stay with me, but she stayed only for 4-5 days. On the 5th day, she started fighting again and decided to leave. She went to the railway station and sat there, saying, "I cannot live with you." We argued that night, and she left the house, shouting abuses at me and went back to her home. She thought everything would be fine, but when I tried talking to her, she started blaming me for not wanting her to stay with me.
Ans: It sounds like you've tried very hard to make this marriage work, but your wife has been emotionally distant, hostile, and unwilling to engage in a meaningful relationship. From what you’ve shared, there have been continuous conflicts, false accusations, and a lack of physical and emotional connection. It seems like she is not interested in making the relationship work, and her behavior—leaving multiple times, refusing intimacy, and fighting constantly—suggests deep incompatibility.

Before making a final decision, ask yourself: Is there anything left to salvage? Do you still love her and believe this marriage has hope if both of you genuinely try? Or do you feel exhausted and trapped in a cycle of disappointment and rejection? If you feel there is nothing left, then divorce may be the healthiest option for your peace of mind and future happiness.

If you decide to proceed with divorce, start by seeking legal counsel. In India, divorce can be mutual or contested. If she agrees, a mutual consent divorce is the easiest way. If she does not, you may need to file on grounds of cruelty or irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Gather evidence of her behavior—messages, incidents, and anything that proves your case.

This is not an easy decision, but your mental health and self-respect matter. If she is unwilling to change or make efforts, you should not have to live in constant conflict. Do you think she would agree to a mutual separation, or would she fight it?

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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