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Desperate dad of two seeks investment advice to support family without job for 20 years with 5cr and no insurance

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7634 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 25, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 25, 2025Hindi
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Money

Hi Sir, I have lost my job, a family of four, kinds are of 9th and 6 th year. Monthly family expense is 1.5l. I have 5 cr in equity, 1 cr in pf, don't have insurance, please guide me to invest 5,cr to manage family expenses without doing any job for another 20 years.

Ans: You have a strong asset base of Rs. 5 crore in equity and Rs. 1 crore in PF. However, your current challenge is to generate a sustainable income to manage monthly expenses of Rs. 1.5 lakh for the next 20 years.

Additionally, you lack health and life insurance, which poses risks to your family’s financial security. Your children, aged 9 and 6 years, will also require funds for their education.

Let us develop a comprehensive, step-by-step plan to manage your current situation and secure your family’s financial future.

Step 1: Prioritising Emergency and Insurance Needs

Create an Emergency Fund

Set aside Rs. 25-30 lakh in liquid or ultra-short-term funds.

This fund should cover at least 18 months of household expenses.

Ensure Adequate Health Insurance

Purchase a comprehensive family floater health insurance policy.

Opt for coverage of at least Rs. 25 lakh with top-up plans.

Get a Term Life Insurance Policy

Buy term insurance for at least Rs. 2 crore.
This will protect your family’s financial needs in your absence.
Step 2: Diversifying and Rebalancing Investments

Review and Reduce Equity Exposure

Equity is volatile and may not suit your income needs.

Gradually reduce exposure to 50% and diversify into stable instruments.

Invest in Debt Funds for Stability

Allocate Rs. 2 crore to high-quality debt funds for predictable returns.

This can provide regular income while preserving capital.

Include Balanced Advantage Funds

Allocate Rs. 1 crore to balanced advantage funds.
These funds adjust equity and debt exposure based on market conditions.
Step 3: Generating Regular Income

Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs)

Invest in mutual funds offering SWP options for monthly income.

Start with Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly withdrawals and adjust for inflation.

Plan PF Utilisation

Do not withdraw PF entirely at once.
Use PF as a fallback during emergencies or later retirement years.
Step 4: Securing Children’s Education and Future

Create a Separate Education Fund

Allocate Rs. 1 crore to equity-oriented funds for your children’s education.

Start SIPs for the next 8-10 years to accumulate the required corpus.

Plan for Marriage Expenses

Invest Rs. 50 lakh in hybrid funds for long-term marriage planning.
These funds will provide moderate growth with lower risk.
Step 5: Tax Planning for Optimisation

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals
Plan withdrawals to minimise tax impact on long-term and short-term gains.

For equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Leverage PPF for Tax-Free Growth
Your Rs. 1 crore in PF is tax-free and should remain untouched.
Maximise contributions to PPF to reduce taxable income.
Step 6: Periodic Monitoring and Adjustments

Review Investment Performance Regularly
Track your portfolio annually and rebalance based on market conditions.

Ensure that your investments align with your income needs and goals.

Seek Guidance from a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner can help you manage your portfolio effectively.
Regular consultations ensure your financial plan stays on track.
Step 7: Estate and Legacy Planning

Draft a Will for Asset Distribution
Create a will to ensure your assets are distributed as per your wishes.

Include provisions for your children’s future needs.

Nominate Beneficiaries for Investments
Update nominations in all financial accounts and policies.
This ensures hassle-free access for your family in your absence.
Finally

You can manage your family’s expenses and secure their future with a strategic plan. By balancing your investments and ensuring proper insurance coverage, you can achieve financial independence without a job for the next 20 years. Periodic reviews will further strengthen your financial position.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7634 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir, I lost my job in layoff . I am 46 year old . I had a home loan of 1.18 cr with EMI of 1.07L per month . I have 2 kids, Daughter is in 12th and Son is in 9th . I am selling my other 2 flats so that i can repay the loan and left money i will put in FD. I have to plan my children education 60 L and Retirement planning ( Next Month onwards i require 1 L ). After paying home loan I left with 70 L which i will put in FD . I have 70 L in EPF, 30 L in PPF maturity in 2026, 19 L FD, 3.3 L NSC ( Maturity at 2032/ 6.6L), 14 L Mutual Fund. My wife earns 50 K per month . Monthy expenses are 75K . My goals of havinng 1 L from next month and kids education can be achieved with these investment .
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about your job loss, but it's commendable that you're taking proactive steps to manage your finances during this challenging time. Let's create a plan to address your immediate needs and long-term goals:

• Home Loan Repayment: Selling your other two flats to repay the home loan is a prudent decision, as it will relieve you of the burden of the EMI and reduce financial stress.

• Emergency Fund: It's essential to maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses and loss of income. Since you'll have 70 lakhs from the sale of your flats, consider keeping a portion of this amount aside as your emergency fund, ideally in a liquid and accessible form like a savings account or short-term FD.

• Children's Education: With 60 lakhs earmarked for your children's education, you can explore investment options that offer growth potential over the medium to long term. Consider a combination of equity mutual funds, balanced funds, and fixed-income instruments to achieve your education goals. Since your daughter is in 12th grade, you may need to prioritize her education expenses in the near term.

• Retirement Planning: Your goal of having 1 lakh per month from next month onwards for retirement can be achieved by structuring your existing investments wisely. With 70 lakhs in EPF, 30 lakhs in PPF (maturing in 2026), and other fixed deposits and mutual funds, you have a solid foundation. You can explore options like Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS), Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS), and systematic withdrawal plans (SWPs) from mutual funds to generate a regular income stream in retirement.

• Income Replacement: Since you'll no longer have a regular income from employment, it's crucial to plan for income replacement. Your wife's income of 50,000 per month will provide some support, but you may need to supplement it with income generated from your investments.

• Expense Management: Given your monthly expenses of 75,000, it's essential to budget carefully and prioritize your spending. Look for areas where you can cut costs without compromising on essentials.

• Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can help you develop a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your specific circumstances and goals. They can provide valuable guidance on investment strategies, tax planning, and retirement planning.

In conclusion, while losing your job is undoubtedly challenging, with careful planning and prudent financial management, you can navigate this period of transition successfully. By leveraging your existing assets and making strategic investment decisions, you can work towards achieving your children's education goals and securing a comfortable retirement for yourself. Stay focused, stay positive, and remember that you're not alone in this journey.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7634 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Money
Hi sir, I am housewife age 40 my husband business man.two children . Son college 1st year daughter 11 studying. Own house 2tent montly 12000. My house expenses use it . My husband children study her handle. Lastyear ijoin the part time job montly 5000/ how to invest . Montly. My bank balance zero. Pls guide me
Ans: I understand your situation and am here to guide you on how to wisely invest your income as a housewife, balancing your family's needs and securing your financial future.


Managing household expenses while handling a part-time job shows your dedication and commitment towards your family's financial stability. Your willingness to invest for the future is commendable.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
Current Situation:

Age 40, housewife.
Husband is a businessman.
Two children: Son in college (1st year) and daughter in 11th grade.
Monthly tent income of Rs 12,000 from two houses, covering household expenses.
Part-time job income of Rs 5,000 per month recently started.
Bank balance is zero.
Financial Goals:

Secure financial future for yourself and your family.
Invest wisely to build savings and generate additional income.
Budgeting and Investment Strategy
Monthly Income and Expenses Analysis:

Monthly income: Rs 17,000 (tent income + part-time job).
Expenses covered by tent income: Household expenses.
Investment Potential:

Focus on saving and investing a portion of your income for future needs and emergencies.
Types of Investments
Investing wisely involves understanding different options and their benefits:

1. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Overview:

SIPs allow you to invest regularly in mutual funds.
They help in disciplined savings and benefit from rupee cost averaging.
Advantages:

Systematic approach to investing.
Suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Risks:

Market fluctuations can impact short-term returns.
Need for patience and staying invested for long-term benefits.
2. Debt Mutual Funds
Overview:

Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and treasury bills.
They offer stable returns with lower risk compared to equity funds.
Advantages:

Capital preservation.
Regular income through interest payouts.
Risks:

Interest rate risk: Values of existing bonds may decrease with rising interest rates.
Credit risk: Possibility of default by bond issuers.
3. Recurring Deposits (RD)
Overview:

RDs are fixed-income instruments offered by banks.
Regular monthly deposits for a fixed tenure with predetermined interest rates.
Advantages:

Safe investment option.
Fixed returns and disciplined savings.
Risks:

Lower returns compared to equity investments.
Interest rate fluctuations affecting future returns.
Power of Compounding
Understanding compounding can help you make informed investment decisions:

Overview:

Compounding is reinvesting your earnings to generate additional earnings over time.
Helps in growing your wealth exponentially with long-term investments.
Advantages:

Maximizes returns through reinvestment.
Accelerates wealth accumulation over time.
Example:

Investing regularly in SIPs or RDs allows you to benefit from compounding and build a substantial corpus for future needs.
Managing Risk
Risk Appetite:

As a conservative investor, focus on low to moderate risk investments like debt funds and RDs.
Avoid high-risk investments like direct equity or speculative instruments.
Diversification:

Spread investments across different asset classes to reduce overall risk.
Balance between fixed-income investments (like RDs and debt funds) and equity-oriented investments (like SIPs) for growth potential.
Financial Planning for Children's Education
Education Planning:

Plan for your children's higher education expenses systematically.
Estimate future costs and start investing early to meet these goals.
Investment Allocation:

Allocate a portion of your savings towards education funds through SIPs or targeted investment plans.
Building an Emergency Fund
Emergency Fund Importance:

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of expenses.
Helps in covering unexpected financial needs without disturbing long-term investments.
Liquid Investments:

Utilize liquid funds or keep a portion of savings in easily accessible instruments for emergency needs.
Final Insights
By adopting a disciplined approach to savings and investing, you can achieve financial security and meet your future goals effectively. Here’s a summary of the key steps:

Budgeting and Income Analysis: Understand your monthly income and expenses.
Investment Strategy: Focus on SIPs, debt funds, and recurring deposits for stable returns.
Power of Compounding: Reinvest earnings to benefit from long-term wealth creation.
Risk Management: Opt for low to moderate risk investments aligned with your risk tolerance.
Education Planning: Start investing early for your children's education expenses.
Emergency Fund: Maintain liquidity for unforeseen expenses without affecting long-term investments.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7634 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi, I am 44 Years, Married, Wife age 39 and not working, 2 Kids age 10 and 6 years studying. Monthly In : approx.150000 (after deducting tax etc.). Monthly expenses approx. Rs. 1 Lac, Investment: Rs. 17500 PM in 7 different MFs, 12500 PPF PM, 50000 Insurance Per annum, 50000 NPS per annum, Not having own house (suffered a loss of approx. Rs. 25 Lac in a property in year 2015), currently on rent, not having any other support system...pl advise how to proceed further. Regards
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Your income is Rs. 1,50,000 per month.

Your monthly expenses are approximately Rs. 1,00,000.

You are investing Rs. 17,500 per month in mutual funds, Rs. 12,500 per month in PPF, Rs. 50,000 annually in insurance, and Rs. 50,000 annually in NPS.

Assessing Your Investments
Mutual Funds

Investing in seven different mutual funds is good for diversification.

PPF

PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits.

Insurance

Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage.

NPS

NPS is good for retirement planning with tax benefits.

Financial Goals and Strategies
Goal: Buying a House
You previously faced a loss in property investment.

Saving for a house should be a priority.

Consider saving separately in a high-interest account.

Goal: Children’s Education
Plan for your children’s education expenses.

Start SIPs in education-focused mutual funds.

Goal: Retirement Planning
You are already investing in NPS and PPF.

Consider increasing contributions to NPS.

Monthly Savings Allocation
Increase Savings

Try to save more from your monthly income.

Aim for saving 25-30% of your income.

Investment Diversification
Equity Mutual Funds

Allocate more to large-cap and mid-cap funds.

These funds offer balanced growth and stability.

Debt Funds

Invest in debt funds for stability and regular income.

Balanced Funds

Consider balanced advantage funds.

These funds provide a mix of equity and debt.

Insurance Review
Term Insurance

Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage.

A cover of Rs. 1 crore is recommended.

Health Insurance

Ensure comprehensive health coverage for your family.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund.

Keep at least 6 months of expenses in a liquid fund.

Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner.

They can provide personalized advice and regular reviews.

Action Plan
1. Increase SIPs

Gradually increase SIP contributions.

Focus on large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds.

2. Save for House

Save separately in a high-interest account for buying a house.

3. Plan for Education

Start SIPs in education-focused mutual funds.

4. Review Insurance

Ensure adequate term and health insurance coverage.

5. Maintain Emergency Fund

Keep an emergency fund for at least 6 months of expenses.

Final Insights
Your financial plan should focus on increasing savings, diversifying investments, and planning for future goals.

Regularly review and adjust your investments to stay on track.

Seek professional guidance to ensure a comprehensive financial strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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