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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir Kindly review my SIP. I have SIP in UTI NIFTY 50 rs 500, SBI EQUITY HYBRID FUND rs 1000, SBI small cap fund Rs 1000, SBI NIFTY 150 MIDCAP FUND rs 1000. Please suggest if any modifications are required.

Ans: Your SIP portfolio reflects a diversified approach across different asset classes and market segments, which is commendable. However, there are a few considerations to keep in mind for potential modifications:

Review Performance: Regularly assess the performance of your SIPs to ensure they are meeting your investment objectives. Evaluate factors such as returns, volatility, and consistency.
Risk Management: Small-cap and mid-cap funds tend to be more volatile compared to large-cap and hybrid funds. Consider your risk tolerance and adjust your allocation accordingly to maintain a balanced portfolio.
Asset Allocation: Assess whether your current allocation aligns with your investment goals and risk profile. It may be beneficial to diversify further by including funds from other fund houses or asset classes like debt or international funds.
Stay Informed: Keep abreast of market trends, economic developments, and fund-specific news to make informed decisions about your investments.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner: Seeking professional advice from a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized recommendations based on your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance.
Remember, investment decisions should be based on your individual circumstances and long-term objectives. Regularly reviewing your SIPs and making adjustments when necessary will help ensure your portfolio remains well-positioned to achieve your financial goals.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2024

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Hello Team, I am investing via SIP in axis Small cap 1000 pm, axis bluechip fund direct paln growth 1500pm, Mirae Asset aggreasive fund 1000pm, parag parikh flexi cap 1000pm, canara small cap 2000pm, quant small cap 2.5k pm, PGIM india midcap 1000pm. Please review my funds. Should i need any changes in my SIPs. My view is for 15 years. I am investing since 2019..
Ans: You've built a diversified portfolio covering different market segments, which is a good strategy for long-term growth. Here's a quick review:

Axis Small Cap & Canara Small Cap: You have exposure to small-cap funds which can offer higher growth potential but come with higher volatility. Given your 15-year horizon, these can be suitable, but be prepared for fluctuations.

Axis Bluechip & Mirae Asset Aggressive Fund: These funds provide stability with large-cap and well-diversified equity exposure. They can act as a counterbalance to the volatility of small and mid-cap funds.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap: A flexible fund that invests across market caps and can provide consistent returns. It offers international diversification which can be beneficial.

Quant Small Cap & PGIM India Midcap: These funds further increase your exposure to mid and small-cap segments. Ensure you're comfortable with the higher risk associated with these categories.

Given your portfolio, it seems well-balanced for long-term growth. However, consider the following suggestions:

Review Fund Performance: Regularly check the performance of your funds against their benchmarks and peers.

Risk Assessment: Ensure you're comfortable with the risk levels, especially with higher allocations to small and mid-cap funds.

Asset Allocation: As you progress, you might want to rebalance your portfolio to maintain desired asset allocation.

New SIPs: Consider adding a large-cap or a diversified equity fund to further diversify your portfolio and reduce risk.

Remember, while these are general guidelines, personal financial planning should be tailored to your specific goals, risk tolerance, and financial situation. It's always advisable to consult with a financial advisor for a comprehensive review and advice tailored to your needs.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir Kindly review my SIP . I have SIP in UTI NIFTY 50 index fund of rs 10000, parag Parikh flexi cap fund of rs 5000, bandhan nifty 50 index fund of rs 14000 , quant small cap fund of rs 1000. Please suggest if any modifications are required.
Ans: It's great to see you investing through SIPs, a disciplined approach towards wealth creation. Let's review your portfolio and make some suggestions.

Starting with UTI NIFTY 50 Index Fund, investing in a broad market index like NIFTY 50 can provide exposure to the overall performance of the Indian equity market. It's a good choice for passive investors seeking market returns.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund offers a diversified portfolio with flexibility to invest across market caps and sectors. It's known for its consistent performance and prudent investment approach.

Bandhan Nifty 50 Index Fund provides exposure to the NIFTY 50 index, similar to UTI NIFTY 50 Index Fund. However, having two funds tracking the same index might lead to overexposure and lack of diversification.

Active vs. Passive Management:
While you've included both actively managed mutual funds and index funds (ETFs) in your portfolio, it's important to understand the differences between the two. Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market through active stock selection and portfolio management, while index funds passively track a specific index's performance.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:
Actively managed funds offer the potential for higher returns compared to index funds, especially during market inefficiencies or when skilled fund managers can identify lucrative investment opportunities. Additionally, active management allows for flexibility in portfolio construction and adjustments based on market conditions.
Potential Disadvantages of Index Funds:
While index funds offer low expense ratios and broad market exposure, they may lack the potential for outperformance compared to actively managed funds. Additionally, they're subject to tracking error, which occurs when the fund's performance deviates from the index it's designed to replicate.

Quant Small Cap Fund invests in small-cap stocks, which have the potential for high growth but come with higher volatility and risk. While small-cap funds can be rewarding in the long term, they require patience and a higher risk appetite.

Considering your current portfolio, here are some suggestions:

Diversification: Since you already have exposure to NIFTY 50 index through UTI and Bandhan funds, you might consider reallocating the investment in Bandhan Nifty 50 Index Fund to a different asset class or fund category for better diversification.

Risk Management: Given the volatility associated with small-cap funds, evaluate your risk tolerance and consider whether you're comfortable with the risk-return profile of Quant Small Cap Fund. You may adjust the allocation or switch to a less volatile option if needed.

Review Regularly: Keep an eye on the performance of your funds and review your portfolio periodically. As your financial goals and market conditions evolve, you may need to rebalance your portfolio or make adjustments accordingly.

Seek Professional Advice: Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your financial situation and goals.

Overall, your portfolio reflects a mix of passive and actively managed funds, providing diversification across market segments. Ensure you stay invested for the long term and maintain a disciplined approach towards your SIPs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi Team, I am 35 and have below SIPs. Please review them and let me know if i have to make any changes. Parag Pareikg flexi cap fund - 10000 Motilal Oswal S&P 500 index fund - 2500 Quant Small Cap Fund- 5000 PGIM India Mid Cap Opportunities Fund- 5000 SBI Banking & Financial Services Fund- 2500. Focus is to continue SIP for longterm
Ans: It's great to see your commitment to investing for the long term. Let's review your current SIP portfolio and discuss if any adjustments are needed to align with your goals.

Evaluating Your SIPs
Your portfolio consists of a mix of equity funds focusing on different market segments. Here's a brief overview of each fund:

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund (Rs. 10,000): Known for its flexible investment approach across market caps and sectors, providing diversification and potential for long-term growth.

Motilal Oswal S&P 500 Index Fund (Rs. 2,500): Provides exposure to the top 500 companies in the US stock market, offering diversification and growth potential in the world's largest economy.

Quant Small Cap Fund (Rs. 5,000): Invests in small-cap companies with high growth potential, suitable for investors with a higher risk tolerance and longer investment horizon.

PGIM India Mid Cap Opportunities Fund (Rs. 5,000): Focuses on mid-cap companies with strong growth prospects, offering potential for capital appreciation over the long term.

SBI Banking & Financial Services Fund (Rs. 2,500): Invests in companies operating in the banking and financial services sector, benefiting from the growth potential of the Indian financial industry.

Recommendations for Optimization
Your portfolio is well-diversified across different market segments, which is essential for long-term growth. However, here are a few suggestions to consider for further optimization:

Monitor Performance: Regularly review the performance of each fund and assess whether they continue to meet your investment objectives. Consider replacing underperforming funds or reallocating assets based on changing market conditions and your financial goals.

Assess Risk Tolerance: Ensure that your portfolio's risk level aligns with your risk tolerance and investment horizon. While small-cap and mid-cap funds offer higher growth potential, they also come with increased volatility. Make sure you're comfortable with the level of risk in your portfolio.

Consider International Diversification: While the Motilal Oswal S&P 500 Index Fund provides exposure to the US stock market, you may consider adding more international diversification to your portfolio. Explore options such as global equity funds or international index funds to broaden your investment horizon.

Review Sectoral Exposure: Given your investment in the SBI Banking & Financial Services Fund, be mindful of overexposure to a single sector. Monitor the fund's performance and consider diversifying across sectors to reduce concentration risk.

Conclusion
Overall, your SIP portfolio is well-structured and positioned for long-term growth. By regularly reviewing and optimizing your investments, you can maximize returns and achieve your financial goals with confidence.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir Kindly review my SIP . I have SIP in UTI NIFTY 50 index fund of rs 10000 pm, parag Parikh flexi cap fund of rs 5000pm, bandhan nifty 50 index fund of rs 14000pm , quant small cap fund of rs 1000pm. Please suggest if any modifications are required.
Ans: Reviewing Your SIP Portfolio
Your SIP portfolio consists of investments in UTI NIFTY 50 Index Fund, Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund, Bandhan Nifty 50 Index Fund, and Quant Small Cap Fund. Let's evaluate if any adjustments are necessary for optimal portfolio performance.

UTI NIFTY 50 Index Fund: ?10,000 per month
Investing in an index fund tracking the NIFTY 50 can provide broad market exposure with low expense ratios. However, relying solely on index funds may limit potential returns compared to actively managed funds.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: ?5,000 per month
The Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund offers flexibility to invest across market caps and sectors, potentially enhancing portfolio diversification and returns. It's a solid choice for long-term growth with its balanced approach.

Bandhan Nifty 50 Index Fund: ?14,000 per month
Allocating a significant portion to another NIFTY 50 index fund may lead to overexposure to large-cap stocks and limit diversification benefits. Consider reassessing the allocation to avoid concentration risk.

Quant Small Cap Fund: ?1,000 per month
Investing in a small-cap fund like Quant Small Cap Fund can provide exposure to high-growth potential companies. However, small-cap stocks tend to be more volatile, so ensure this allocation aligns with your risk tolerance.

Suggestions for Modifications
Diversification: Consider diversifying across asset classes and investment styles to mitigate risk and enhance returns. Adding exposure to international equities or debt funds can provide additional diversification benefits.

Rebalancing: Review your portfolio periodically to rebalance allocations based on market conditions and changing investment objectives. Ensure your asset allocation aligns with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Expense Ratio: Evaluate the expense ratios of each fund to ensure they are competitive and do not erode your returns over time. Look for low-cost options to optimize your investment efficiency.

Professional Advice: Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor your portfolio to your specific financial situation and goals. They can provide personalized recommendations and ongoing monitoring to maximize returns and manage risk effectively.

Conclusion
While your SIP portfolio shows diversification across different funds, it may benefit from adjustments to optimize returns and manage risk effectively. Consider revisiting your asset allocation and seeking professional advice to ensure your investments align with your long-term financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Relationship
Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

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