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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Ranjish Question by Ranjish on Feb 21, 2023Hindi
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I recently joined a company where CTC is 24L. I am 43, have my own house and Car. Wife is Housewife and My Daughter is 16 and son is 11. I only have Term Plan and family Floater medical insurance. Kindly advice SIP to save for their education and Marriage. Ready to invest upto 30k per month.

Ans: Given your financial goals for your children's education and marriage, as well as your willingness to invest up to 30k per month, consider the following SIP allocation:

Children's Education:

Allocate a significant portion to equity mutual funds for long-term growth potential.
Consider investing in diversified equity funds or large-cap funds with a proven track record.
Aim for around 60-70% of your SIP amount for education in equity funds.
Children's Marriage:

Since the marriage goal might have a shorter time horizon, balance risk with stability.
Allocate a portion of your SIP to debt funds or hybrid funds for stability.
Choose balanced funds or aggressive hybrid funds, which invest in a mix of equity and debt.
Allocate around 30-40% of your SIP amount for marriage in balanced or hybrid funds.
Remember to review and adjust your SIP allocations periodically based on changes in your financial situation, market conditions, and your children's evolving needs. Additionally, consult with a financial advisor to tailor the investment strategy to your specific circumstances and goals.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 25, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, earning 45k, age 28, female, i have 2 months girl child. I have 20k emi which need to be paid till 2028, we dont have any house or gold jewelry, my husband income 10k which we use it for rent, house expense.....I'm looking for any saving scheme for my child, for myself, insurance scheme. Should i buy SGB for my child like 5 grams per year, Below is my investment plan for my child, do u have any other alternative or better option, PPF - 3000RS PER MONTH SSY-3000RS PER MONTH RD- 2000 PER MONTH FD-5000 PER MONTH for myself i didn't have any plan, can u suggest any mutual funds , sip...im really new to it. Also, my job is not permenant, mnc. So please do suggest
Ans: Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You are doing a great job managing your finances and planning for your child's future. At 28, with a monthly income of Rs 45,000 and a significant EMI of Rs 20,000, it’s essential to plan wisely. Your husband’s income covers rent and household expenses, which is helpful. Your goal to save for your child and yourself is commendable.

Current Investment Plan for Your Child
You are considering investing in:

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 3,000 per month
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): Rs 3,000 per month
Recurring Deposit (RD): Rs 2,000 per month
Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs 5,000 per month
Let’s evaluate and possibly improve your plan.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Advantages:

Tax Benefits: Contributions are eligible for tax deductions under Section 80C.

Safety: PPF is backed by the government, offering secure returns.

Long-Term Growth: The lock-in period ensures disciplined long-term savings.

Disadvantages:

Lock-in Period: The 15-year lock-in can be restrictive if funds are needed urgently.

Limited Liquidity: Partial withdrawals are allowed only after certain conditions are met.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
Advantages:

Tax Benefits: Investments, interest earned, and maturity amount are tax-free.

High Interest Rate: Generally offers a higher interest rate compared to PPF.

Dedicated for Girl Child: Helps in securing your daughter's financial future.

Disadvantages:

Lock-in Period: Funds are locked until the girl turns 21, with some conditions for withdrawal.

Limited Flexibility: Contributions need to be consistent to keep the account active.

Recurring Deposit (RD)
Advantages:

Regular Savings: Encourages disciplined savings habit with fixed monthly deposits.

Guaranteed Returns: Interest rate is fixed and returns are guaranteed.

Disadvantages:

Lower Returns: Generally offers lower returns compared to other investment options like mutual funds.

Taxable Interest: Interest earned is subject to tax, reducing the effective returns.

Fixed Deposit (FD)
Advantages:

Safety: FDs are one of the safest investment options with guaranteed returns.

Fixed Interest Rate: Provides assured returns over the tenure.

Disadvantages:

Lower Returns: Returns may not always beat inflation.

Premature Withdrawal Penalty: Withdrawing funds before maturity can attract penalties.

Additional Investment Options for Your Child
Mutual Funds via Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Advantages:

Potential for Higher Returns: Equity mutual funds have historically provided higher returns over the long term.

Flexibility: You can start with a small amount and increase it over time.

Liquidity: Mutual funds can be redeemed easily compared to PPF and SSY.

Disadvantages:

Market Risk: Returns are subject to market fluctuations.

No Guaranteed Returns: Unlike FDs, mutual funds do not guarantee returns.

Consider investing a portion of your monthly savings in balanced or hybrid mutual funds. These funds invest in both equities and debt, offering a balance of risk and return.

Insurance Scheme for Yourself
Having adequate insurance is crucial for financial security.

Term Insurance
Advantages:

High Coverage, Low Cost: Provides a significant coverage amount at an affordable premium.

Financial Security: Ensures financial protection for your family in case of an untimely demise.

Disadvantages:

No Maturity Benefit: If you survive the policy term, no benefits are paid out.
Consider taking a term insurance plan that covers at least 10-15 times your annual income.

Health Insurance
Advantages:

Medical Coverage: Covers medical expenses, reducing the financial burden during health emergencies.

Tax Benefits: Premiums paid are eligible for tax deductions under Section 80D.

Disadvantages:

Premium Costs: Premiums can increase with age and health conditions.
Ensure you have a comprehensive health insurance plan that covers your family adequately.

Investment Plan for Yourself
Mutual Funds via SIP
You mentioned you are new to mutual funds. Starting with a SIP in a balanced or hybrid fund is a good choice. Here’s why:

Advantages:

Professional Management: Fund managers make investment decisions on your behalf.

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks and bonds.

Compounding: Long-term investments benefit from the power of compounding.

Disadvantages:

Market Risk: Returns can fluctuate based on market conditions.
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your expenses in a savings account or liquid mutual fund. This ensures liquidity and safety for unforeseen circumstances.

Saving for Your Child’s Future
Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB)
Advantages:

Safety: SGBs are issued by the government, ensuring security.

Interest Income: Earns interest over and above the potential capital appreciation.

Tax Benefits: No capital gains tax if held till maturity.

Disadvantages:

Lock-in Period: Has a lock-in period of 8 years, though early exit is possible after 5 years.
SGBs can be a good addition to your child’s investment portfolio for long-term growth and diversification.

Final Recommendations
PPF and SSY: Continue contributing to PPF and SSY for secure, tax-saving, long-term growth.

Mutual Funds: Start a SIP in balanced mutual funds for higher returns and diversification.

Term Insurance: Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage for financial security.

Health Insurance: Get comprehensive health insurance for your family’s medical needs.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund for unexpected expenses.

SGBs: Invest in Sovereign Gold Bonds for diversification and potential growth.

Conclusion
Balancing your investments between secure options like PPF and SSY and growth-oriented options like mutual funds will help achieve your financial goals. Ensuring adequate insurance coverage and maintaining an emergency fund are crucial for financial stability. Your proactive approach to planning your finances is commendable. Feel free to reach out for further personalized advice.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello mam... My income per annually 7lakh ...in fd 24lkh .savings.we have 2kids class 1and daughter is 1year .my savings r in lic 61000 per annum jeevan labh and ppf 12k per year and son ppf account and ssy for daughter i dont have any idea about mutal fund r stock.. Star health 5lkh cover paying 26000premium. 54thousand premium in Maxlife term plan cover for 1cr...please help me how to save for children education
Ans: First off, it's great that you are thinking about your children's future education. Your current savings and investments show that you are on the right path. Let's delve deeper into how you can enhance your savings strategy for your children's education.

Current Financial Snapshot
You earn Rs. 7 lakhs per annum. You have Rs. 24 lakhs in fixed deposits, which is a good safety net. Your savings in LIC's Jeevan Labh (Rs. 61,000 per annum) and PPF (Rs. 12,000 per year) are commendable. Additionally, you have a PPF account for your son and an SSY account for your daughter, which are excellent long-term savings plans. You also have adequate insurance coverage with Star Health and a Maxlife term plan.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Your current investments are safe but may not be sufficient for long-term goals like your children's education. Fixed deposits and LIC plans offer safety but relatively low returns compared to other investment options like mutual funds.

Understanding Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can be a powerful tool for long-term wealth creation. They offer a variety of options catering to different risk appetites and investment horizons. Here's why mutual funds can be beneficial for you:

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a diversified portfolio of assets, reducing risk.

Professional Management: Experienced fund managers handle your investments, aiming to maximize returns.

Potential for Higher Returns: Over the long term, mutual funds, especially equity funds, can offer higher returns than traditional savings options.

Types of Mutual Funds
Here's a brief overview of the different types of mutual funds you can consider:

Equity Funds: These invest primarily in stocks and have the potential for high returns but come with higher risk.

Debt Funds: These invest in fixed income instruments like bonds and are relatively safer but offer lower returns than equity funds.

Hybrid Funds: These invest in a mix of equity and debt, providing a balance of risk and return.

Power of Compounding
Mutual funds benefit from the power of compounding, where your earnings generate their own earnings. The longer you stay invested, the more your investment grows. This is particularly useful for long-term goals like education.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This helps in averaging the cost of investment and reduces the risk of market volatility. It's also easier on your finances as you can start with a small amount and increase it over time.

Creating an Education Fund for Your Children
Now, let's focus on how you can build an education fund for your children using mutual funds:

Set Clear Goals: Estimate the future cost of education. This includes tuition fees, accommodation, books, etc. Consider inflation in your calculations.

Choose the Right Funds: Based on your risk appetite, choose a mix of equity and hybrid funds. Equity funds can be suitable for long-term goals due to their higher return potential. Hybrid funds can provide stability.

Start Early: The earlier you start, the more you benefit from compounding. Even small regular investments can grow significantly over time.

Review and Adjust: Regularly review your investments to ensure they are on track to meet your goals. Adjust your investment amount and fund choices if necessary.

Analyzing Your Risk Appetite
Your investments should align with your risk tolerance. Since you have young children, a long investment horizon allows you to take moderate to high risks initially and then gradually shift to safer options as the goal approaches.

Regular Funds vs Direct Funds
Investing through a certified mutual fund distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials can offer several advantages over direct funds:

Expert Guidance: MFDs provide professional advice tailored to your financial goals.

Regular Monitoring: They continuously monitor your investments and make necessary adjustments.

Personalized Service: You receive personalized service and support, ensuring you stay on track with your investment plan.

Diversification Beyond Mutual Funds
While mutual funds are excellent for long-term goals, consider other diversification options:

Public Provident Fund (PPF): You already have a PPF account. Continue this as it offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): Continue investing in SSY for your daughter. It's a great scheme with tax benefits and good returns.

Fixed Deposits and Bonds: Maintain some amount in FDs and bonds for safety and liquidity.

Tax Planning
Your investments should also be tax-efficient. Mutual funds, especially Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), offer tax benefits under Section 80C. Combining these with your existing PPF and SSY contributions can optimize your tax savings.

Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund to cover at least 6-12 months of expenses. This can be in the form of liquid funds or a savings account. It provides a safety net during unforeseen circumstances without disrupting your long-term investments.

Final Insights
Your current savings and investments are commendable. By diversifying into mutual funds and leveraging the power of compounding, you can significantly enhance your children's education fund. Remember, regular monitoring and adjustments are key to staying on track with your financial goals. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice and ensure you make informed decisions.

Investing wisely today can secure a bright future for your children. All the best!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir am 54 years old, working in a pvt co with annual income of 14 L. having a child who is 15 year and in higher secondary. with todays Cost of living hardly saving some 20k pm > Have the following corpus MF -1.7 cr Shares - 1.5 cr house - 1.35 cr ( 2 house Both on rent , getting 45k pm- give parents 25K) insurance cover - 1.25 cr hdfc life policy - will get 27 lacs in 2027 guaranteed scheme ( to cover education ) other liquid assets (FD/GOLD/RD/ )- 20L need to plan atleaast a monthly pay our of 1 lac after 5-6 years so i can take it a bit easy .Kindly advice
Ans: Firstly, congratulations on building a substantial financial portfolio. Managing Rs. 1.7 crores in mutual funds, Rs. 1.5 crores in shares, and Rs. 1.35 crores in real estate while raising a child is commendable. Your financial discipline and foresight are evident.

Overview of Assets
You have significant investments across various asset classes. Let’s break down your current assets and cash flows:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 1.7 crores
Shares: Rs. 1.5 crores
Real Estate: Rs. 1.35 crores (two houses, Rs. 45,000 rental income, Rs. 25,000 given to parents)
Insurance Cover: Rs. 1.25 crores
HDFC Life Policy: Rs. 27 lakhs in 2027
Liquid Assets: Rs. 20 lakhs
Monthly Cash Flows
Income: Rs. 45,000 (rent) + Rs. 1.16 lakhs (salary after taxes and deductions)
Expenses: Rs. 45,000 (cost of living) + Rs. 25,000 (parents) + Rs. 20,000 (savings)
Goal: Rs. 1 Lakh Monthly Payout After 5-6 Years
Now, let's plan how to achieve a monthly payout of Rs. 1 lakh after 5-6 years.

Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds: Power of Compounding
Mutual funds are a strong pillar of your portfolio. The power of compounding can significantly grow your investments.

Advantages of Mutual Funds:

Diversification: Spread risk across various sectors and companies.
Professional Management: Fund managers handle your investments.
Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell units.
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Regular investment helps in rupee cost averaging.
Categories of Mutual Funds:

Equity Funds: High returns but higher risk.
Debt Funds: Lower risk, stable returns.
Hybrid Funds: Mix of equity and debt.
Recommendation:

Continue investing in equity mutual funds for long-term growth.
Consider allocating some funds to hybrid funds for balanced growth and stability.
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.
Shares: Active Management
Your investment in shares is significant. Actively managing your stock portfolio can yield high returns.

Advantages of Direct Stocks:

Potential for High Returns: Direct exposure to company performance.
Dividend Income: Additional cash flow from dividends.
Recommendation:

Regularly review your stock portfolio.
Diversify across sectors.
Consider blue-chip stocks for stability and growth.
Stay updated with market trends and company performance.
Real Estate: Rental Income and Appreciation
Your real estate investments provide steady rental income and potential appreciation.

Advantages:

Stable Income: Regular rental income.
Capital Appreciation: Potential increase in property value over time.
Recommendation:

Maintain properties well to ensure consistent rental income.
Consider periodic rent reviews to keep up with market rates.
Keep a portion of rental income for property maintenance and unexpected expenses.
Insurance and Guaranteed Schemes
Your insurance cover of Rs. 1.25 crores is crucial for financial security. The HDFC Life policy maturing in 2027 provides a guaranteed corpus for your child’s education.

Advantages:

Financial Security: Protects against unforeseen events.
Guaranteed Returns: Assured maturity amount for planned goals.
Recommendation:

Continue with your current insurance plans.
Ensure coverage is adequate to meet family needs.
Liquid Assets: Emergency Fund
Your liquid assets (FD, gold, RD) of Rs. 20 lakhs provide an emergency fund.

Advantages:

Liquidity: Easily accessible in emergencies.
Security: Safe investment options.
Recommendation:

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses.
Invest surplus liquid assets in mutual funds or stocks for higher returns.
Financial Planning for Monthly Payout
Estimating Future Needs
You aim for a monthly payout of Rs. 1 lakh after 5-6 years. Let’s plan accordingly.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)
SWPs from mutual funds can provide regular income post-retirement.

Advantages:

Regular Income: Monthly payouts.
Tax Efficiency: Lower tax on long-term capital gains.
Recommendation:

Invest a portion of your corpus in mutual funds with SWP options.
Choose funds with a good track record and stable returns.
Dividend Income
Your stock portfolio can generate regular dividend income.

Recommendation:

Invest in dividend-paying stocks.
Reinvest dividends for compounding benefits.
Rental Income Management
Continue leveraging rental income from your properties.

Recommendation:

Ensure timely rent collection.
Regularly review rental agreements.
Additional Income Streams
Explore additional income streams to supplement your monthly payout.

Options:

Consulting: Use your expertise for consulting roles.
Part-Time Work: Explore flexible, part-time opportunities.
Risk Management and Diversification
Diversifying Investments
Diversify across asset classes to manage risk.

Recommendation:

Balance between equity, debt, and real estate.
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.
Risk Assessment
Assess and manage risks associated with your investments.

Recommendation:

Stay informed about market trends.
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for regular reviews.
Final Insights
Your disciplined approach and diversified portfolio are impressive. With careful planning, you can achieve your goal of Rs. 1 lakh monthly payout after 5-6 years. Continue leveraging mutual funds, stocks, and rental income. Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure you stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I am 42 year old and have monthly income of 68k. Monthly expenses are appx 40k which includes my children fee. I invest 4k in SIP which I started last year and have savings of 7lakh no loan and have parents own house. Have to spent appx 8k monthly on my medicines because of some health issues, this amount I reimbursed through corporate policy for which I paid 70k annual.( Excluding of in-hand salary and get sum insured of 1.5 lakh). My daughter is doing BCA and Son is in 10th standard. I want to give them better future and spend my savings on their higher study as and when needed if not manageable with salary. Pls tell me how I can arrange fund of 40 lakh in next 10 years. With salary growth of average 8 to 10% every year.
Ans: Evaluating Your Current Financial Situation
You have a stable income and manageable expenses. Let’s plan to arrange Rs. 40 lakh for your children's higher education over the next 10 years.

Current Financial Overview
Monthly Income: Rs. 68,000
Monthly Expenses: Rs. 40,000 (including children’s fees and medicines)
Current SIP Investment: Rs. 4,000
Savings: Rs. 7 lakh
No Loans
Health Insurance: Corporate policy with Rs. 1.5 lakh sum insured
Financial Goals
Arrange Rs. 40 lakh in 10 years
Continue managing current expenses and health needs
Strategy to Achieve Rs. 40 Lakh in 10 Years
Increase SIP Contributions
Current SIP: Rs. 4,000 monthly
Proposed SIP Increase: Gradually increase SIP by 5-10% annually.
Targeted SIP: Aim to invest Rs. 10,000 to Rs. 15,000 monthly in diversified mutual funds over time.
Utilize Savings
Savings of Rs. 7 lakh: Keep Rs. 2 lakh as an emergency fund.
Invest Rs. 5 lakh: In a mix of equity and debt mutual funds for growth and stability.
Leverage Salary Growth
Salary Growth: Assume an average increase of 8-10% annually.
Increment Allocation: Allocate a portion of salary increments towards increasing SIP investments.
Investment Plan
Step 1: Monthly SIPs
Equity Mutual Funds: Focus on high-growth potential.
Debt Mutual Funds: For stability and lower risk.
Step 2: Lump Sum Investments
Use Rs. 5 lakh Savings: Invest in diversified mutual funds.
Regular Top-Up: Add lump sums from bonuses or extra income.
Estimated Growth
Assuming a 12% average annual return on mutual fund investments, your SIPs and lump sum investments can potentially grow to Rs. 40 lakh in 10 years.

Health and Emergency Management
Maintain Emergency Fund
Emergency Fund: Keep Rs. 2 lakh liquid for unforeseen expenses.
Health Expenses: Ensure Rs. 8,000 monthly for medicines, covered by corporate policy.
Children's Education Planning
Estimate Education Costs
Higher Education: Plan for tuition, living expenses, and additional costs.
Prioritize Savings: Keep savings liquid for immediate educational needs.
Final Insights
To arrange Rs. 40 lakh in 10 years:

Increase SIP investments gradually.
Utilize a portion of current savings.
Allocate part of salary increments to SIPs.
Maintain an emergency fund and cover health expenses.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ans: Dear Shristi,
It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
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All the best!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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