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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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Is it good decision to start SIP in goldbees?

Ans: Starting a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in Goldbees entails investing in gold exchange-traded funds (ETFs), which track the price of gold. Let's evaluate this decision:

Gold has historically served as a hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty, offering diversification benefits to investment portfolios.

Investing in Goldbees through SIP allows for systematic accumulation of gold over time, leveraging rupee cost averaging.

However, it's important to note that gold prices can be volatile in the short term, influenced by factors such as geopolitical tensions and currency fluctuations.

Gold does not generate any income or dividends, unlike stocks or bonds, which may impact overall portfolio returns.

Additionally, gold does not generate any intrinsic value or cash flow, unlike productive assets such as stocks or real estate.

Investors should carefully consider their investment objectives, risk tolerance, and portfolio diversification before allocating a significant portion of their portfolio to gold.

While gold can be a valuable addition to a well-diversified portfolio, it's essential to avoid overexposure and maintain a balanced allocation across asset classes.

In conclusion, starting an SIP in Goldbees can be a prudent decision as part of a diversified investment strategy, but investors should weigh the pros and cons carefully.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2024Hindi
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Ihave started sip in hdfc bank 50k per month is it good decision or not...any advise pls
Ans: Evaluating Your SIP Investment in HDFC Bank: Advice and Recommendations

Congratulations on your commitment to investing ?50,000 per month through SIP. Consistent and disciplined investing is key to building wealth over time. Let's assess your decision and explore the best options for you.

Understanding SIP in HDFC Bank
You mentioned starting an SIP in HDFC Bank. If you mean investing directly in HDFC Bank's stock through a SIP, it's important to understand the implications. Investing in individual stocks, even a well-established company like HDFC Bank, comes with higher risks due to lack of diversification.

The Benefits of Mutual Fund SIPs Over Stock SIPs
Diversification
Mutual funds invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks, bonds, or other securities. This diversification spreads risk across multiple assets, reducing the impact of poor performance by any single investment.

Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who have the expertise and resources to make informed investment decisions. This can lead to better returns and effective risk management compared to individual stock investments.

Variety of Options
Mutual funds offer various categories such as large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, multi-cap, balanced, and sector-specific funds. This allows you to tailor your investments according to your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Recommended Mutual Fund Categories for SIP
Large-Cap Mutual Funds
These funds invest in well-established, large companies with a strong track record. They provide relatively stable returns and are less volatile compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.

Multi-Cap Mutual Funds
Multi-cap funds invest in a mix of large, mid, and small-cap companies. This provides balanced growth potential and risk mitigation through diversification.

Balanced Advantage Funds
These funds dynamically adjust their allocation between equity and debt, aiming for growth while managing risk. They offer a balanced approach for investors looking for stability and growth.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities. They provide stable returns and lower risk, adding a safety net to your portfolio.

Suggested Allocation for Your ?50,000 SIP
To build a diversified portfolio, consider the following allocation:

Large-Cap Fund: ?15,000
Multi-Cap Fund: ?12,000
Balanced Advantage Fund: ?10,000
Debt Fund: ?8,000
Mid-Cap Fund: ?5,000
This allocation provides a balanced mix of growth, stability, and risk management.

Key Points to Remember
Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Review your investments regularly and rebalance your portfolio at least once a year to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
A CFP can provide personalized advice tailored to your specific situation. They can help optimize your investment strategy and ensure you are on track to meet your goals.

Stay Disciplined and Patient
Investing is a long-term journey. Stay disciplined and avoid making decisions based on short-term market fluctuations. Patience is crucial for achieving substantial returns over time.

Conclusion
Switching from a stock SIP in HDFC Bank to a diversified mutual fund SIP is a prudent decision. It offers the benefits of diversification, professional management, and tailored investment options. By following a structured approach and seeking professional guidance, you can build a robust and balanced portfolio to achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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will it be wise to start a sip in GOLDBEES .Pl guide
Ans: Starting a SIP in GOLDBEES can be a prudent decision depending on your investment goals and risk tolerance.

GOLDBEES is an exchange-traded fund (ETF) that tracks the price of gold, offering exposure to the gold market.

Investing in gold can provide diversification to your portfolio, especially during times of market volatility or economic uncertainty.

However, it's important to consider certain factors before starting a SIP in GOLDBEES:

Investment Objective: Determine if your investment objective aligns with the characteristics of gold as an asset class. Gold is often viewed as a hedge against inflation and a safe haven during economic crises.
Risk Profile: Assess your risk tolerance and investment horizon. While gold can provide stability to a portfolio, its prices can be volatile in the short term.
Portfolio Diversification: Evaluate if adding gold exposure through GOLDBEES complements your existing investments and enhances diversification.
Cost Consideration: Take into account the expenses associated with investing in GOLDBEES, including management fees and brokerage costs.
Market Conditions: Consider current market conditions and the outlook for gold prices before initiating your SIP.
As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend consulting with a financial advisor to assess if GOLDBEES aligns with your overall investment strategy and financial goals.

While gold can be a valuable addition to a diversified portfolio, it's essential to ensure that it fits into your broader investment plan and risk management strategy.

Ultimately, the decision to start a SIP in GOLDBEES should be based on thorough research and consideration of your individual financial circumstances and objectives.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi. I have a gold finance business and it's generates around 15%annum . I haven't done any SIPs in mutual funds .. We have PPF and Jeevan Anand Plans for the family ..Should I start SIPs at this moment when index is above 24000 and 80000 ?
Ans: You have a gold finance business generating 15% per annum.

You have investments in PPF and Jeevan Anand plans.

Investment in SIPs
Starting SIPs is advisable. They help in averaging out market volatility.

Don't worry about the index levels. SIPs work on the principle of Rupee Cost Averaging.

Surrender Jeevan Anand
Consider surrendering your Jeevan Anand plans. The returns are typically lower.

Reinvest the proceeds in mutual funds for better growth.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds offer professional management. They can outperform indices in different market conditions.

They have the potential for higher returns compared to index funds.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds mimic the market. They can't outperform the index.

They don't adapt to changing market conditions.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers guidance. CFPs help in selecting the right funds.

Regular funds also provide better customer service and support.

Diversification Benefits
SIPs in mutual funds diversify your portfolio. This reduces risk and enhances potential returns.

Final Insights
Starting SIPs is a smart move. It complements your existing investments.

Seek advice from a CFP for a balanced portfolio.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

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Planning to start an SIP of 15K with HSBC Multicap fund Regular growth. Is it a gooddecision?
Ans: Starting an SIP of Rs 15,000 monthly is a disciplined investment step. The choice of a multicap fund reflects a willingness to diversify. Let's analyse this decision comprehensively.

Multicap Funds: Key Features
Diversified Portfolio: Multicap funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. This balances growth potential and stability.

Flexibility: Fund managers can dynamically adjust allocations across market segments based on market trends.

Long-Term Potential: Multicap funds aim for consistent returns over 7–10 years or longer.

Risk Factor: Multicap funds carry higher risk compared to pure large-cap funds. They are not suitable for short-term goals.

Evaluating Regular Growth Option
Reinvestment Advantage: The regular growth option helps in reinvesting gains for compounding over time.

No Payouts: Unlike dividend options, there are no regular payouts, which suits long-term wealth creation.

Tax Efficiency: Growth options are more tax-efficient as gains are realised only on redemption.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
Expert Guidance: A Certified Financial Planner ensures your fund aligns with your risk tolerance and goals.

Portfolio Monitoring: They help monitor and rebalance the portfolio periodically.

Benefits of Regular Plans: Investing through regular plans gives access to expert advice without additional effort.

Alternatives to Consider
While multicap funds are good, actively managed equity funds may also suit your needs.

Mid-Cap Funds: Offer higher growth potential but with greater risk. Suitable if your risk appetite is high.

Hybrid Funds: Provide a balanced mix of equity and debt, reducing volatility.

Diversified International Funds: Offer exposure to global markets and hedge against domestic market risks.

Key Considerations Before Investing
Investment Horizon: Multicap funds are ideal for long-term goals of 7+ years.

Risk Tolerance: These funds involve exposure to mid- and small-cap stocks, which are volatile.

Review Fund Performance: Assess the fund's past performance over 5–10 years. Look for consistent returns and robust fund management.

SIP as a Long-Term Strategy: SIPs mitigate market volatility by averaging the cost of investments over time.

Rebalancing Your Overall Portfolio
If this SIP is part of a larger portfolio, ensure it complements your existing asset allocation.

Equity-Debt Mix: Maintain a balance between equity and fixed-income investments based on your age and risk profile.

Diversify Across Fund Categories: Avoid overexposure to one type of fund or sector.

Emergency Fund First: Ensure your emergency fund is sufficient before committing to long-term SIPs.

Tax Implications
Equity Funds: Gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5% (LTCG). Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Regular Portfolio Reviews: Assess gains periodically and plan redemptions to minimise tax liability.

Steps to Enhance Returns
Increase SIP Amounts Over Time: Increase SIP contributions with salary hikes or surplus cash inflow.

Avoid Redeeming Early: Stay invested for the long term to allow compounding to work effectively.

Use STP for Lump Sum Investments: If you have additional funds, consider a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP) to mitigate timing risks.

Final Insights
Starting an SIP in a multicap fund is a promising move for long-term wealth creation. Ensure this investment aligns with your goals and complements your existing portfolio. Regularly review performance and rebalance when needed. Work with a Certified Financial Planner for ongoing advice and insights.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
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Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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