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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8027 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 22, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi I am investing 65,000 monthly in MF and current portfolio value is 56,00,000. PF 44,000 monthly and current holding 45,00,000. Investing 11,000 NPS monthly and additional 50k in NPS annually. Home loan of 80lakhs. I want to build a corpus of 15cr by by the age of 50... current age is 41. Is it possible with current investment. Kindly suggest.

Ans: Building a corpus of Rs. 15 crores by the age of 50 is ambitious but achievable. You’re doing well with your current investments, so kudos for that! Let’s dive deep into the details to assess your plan and offer some suggestions for fine-tuning it.

Current Investments Overview
Mutual Funds:

Monthly SIP: Rs. 65,000
Current Portfolio Value: Rs. 56,00,000
Provident Fund:

Monthly Contribution: Rs. 44,000
Current Holding: Rs. 45,00,000
National Pension System (NPS):

Monthly Contribution: Rs. 11,000
Additional Annual Contribution: Rs. 50,000
Home Loan:

Current Outstanding: Rs. 80,00,000
Evaluating Your Portfolio
Your diversified investments indicate a good start towards wealth accumulation. The current value of your mutual funds and provident fund is impressive. Let’s break down the growth potential and see if your Rs. 15 crore target is realistic.

Mutual Funds: A Powerhouse of Growth
Mutual funds are a robust tool for wealth creation due to their potential for higher returns. Investing Rs. 65,000 monthly is a significant commitment. Assuming a balanced mix of equity and debt funds, with equity funds delivering an average annual return of 12-15%, your portfolio can grow substantially.

Advantages:

Professional management and diversification reduce risk.
Compounding works magic over time.
Flexibility to adjust investment strategy based on market conditions.
Risks:

Market volatility can impact returns.
Requires a long-term perspective to reap benefits.
Regular review and rebalancing needed to stay aligned with goals.
Provident Fund: Stability and Security
Your monthly PF contribution of Rs. 44,000 adds a stable and secure element to your portfolio. Provident funds typically offer safe, steady returns, though they might be lower compared to equity mutual funds.

Advantages:

Safe investment with guaranteed returns.
Tax benefits under Section 80C.
Ideal for retirement planning due to consistent growth.
Risks:

Lower returns compared to equities.
Lock-in period restricts liquidity.
National Pension System (NPS): Long-Term Retirement Planning
Investing in NPS helps in creating a retirement corpus. NPS offers equity exposure with a conservative risk approach, making it a balanced option for long-term growth.

Advantages:

Low-cost investment option with tax benefits.
Diversified portfolio managed by professional fund managers.
Flexibility to choose asset allocation and fund manager.
Risks:

Lock-in period until retirement age.
Returns depend on market performance and fund manager’s strategy.
Home Loan: Balancing Debt and Investment
An outstanding home loan of Rs. 80 lakhs needs careful management. Paying off your home loan efficiently while continuing your investments is crucial.

Strategies:

Continue making regular EMI payments.
Consider pre-paying when possible to reduce interest burden.
Balance between paying off debt and investing for higher returns.
Goal Assessment: Rs. 15 Crore by Age 50
You have 9 years to achieve your goal. Let’s outline a potential pathway.

Current Scenario:
Your current age: 41 years
Target age: 50 years
Investment horizon: 9 years
Corpus Growth Estimation:
Considering your current investments, contributions, and market returns:

Mutual Funds:

With consistent SIPs and a compounded annual growth rate (CAGR) of 12-15%, your portfolio can grow substantially.
Provident Fund:

Assuming an annual growth rate of 8%, your PF contributions will continue to grow steadily.
NPS:

With a balanced asset allocation, NPS can yield around 8-10% annually.
Optimizing Your Strategy
Increasing SIPs
Consider increasing your SIP amount periodically. Even a small increment can lead to substantial growth due to compounding.

Reviewing and Rebalancing Portfolio
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance and financial goals. A Certified Financial Planner can help you make informed decisions.

Diversifying Investments
While mutual funds are excellent, consider adding more diversification within your portfolio. This includes a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Large-Cap Funds:

Lower risk, stable returns.
Suitable for core portfolio allocation.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds:

Higher growth potential, but more volatile.
Suitable for higher risk appetite and long-term horizon.
Flexi-Cap Funds:

Flexibility to invest across market capitalizations.
Good for dynamic market conditions.
Sector Funds:

Focus on specific sectors like IT, Pharma, etc.
Higher risk, but can offer higher returns if the sector performs well.
Avoiding Index Funds
Index funds have lower expense ratios but may not outperform actively managed funds. Actively managed funds can provide better returns due to strategic management by fund managers.

Tax Efficiency
Maximize tax benefits by utilizing available tax-saving options. Your contributions to PF and NPS already provide tax benefits. Consider tax-efficient investment options to enhance post-tax returns.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6-12 months of expenses. This ensures financial stability during unexpected situations without dipping into your investments.

Risk Management
Adequate insurance coverage is essential. Ensure you have health and life insurance to protect your family’s financial future.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Consistently monitor your investment performance and make necessary adjustments. Stay informed about market trends and economic conditions.

Final Insights
Achieving a corpus of Rs. 15 crores by age 50 is ambitious but attainable with disciplined and strategic investing. Your current investments are on the right track. By increasing SIPs, diversifying your portfolio, and staying committed to your financial plan, you can reach your goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8027 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Money
I am 31, salary is 40k, having debt 2.1 lacs, Mutual fund portfolio value is 6.7 lacs with sip of 11000 monthly, epf 3.8 lacs, gold-6 lacs, Emergency fund 2.7 lacs in savings. What is the right way for me to create corpus of 1 cr by age 40yrs?
Ans: It's great that you are taking a proactive approach to secure your financial future. Let's break down the steps and strategies you need to follow to create a corpus of Rs 1 crore by the time you are 40 years old. Given your current financial status and goals, we'll look at a comprehensive plan to help you achieve this target.

Current Financial Situation
Income and Savings:

Salary: Rs 40,000/month
Monthly SIP: Rs 11,000
Assets:

Mutual Fund Portfolio: Rs 6.7 lakhs
EPF: Rs 3.8 lakhs
Gold: Rs 6 lakhs
Emergency Fund: Rs 2.7 lakhs in savings
Liabilities:

Debt: Rs 2.1 lakhs
Steps to Achieve Rs 1 Crore by Age 40
To achieve your goal, you need a structured plan that involves reducing debt, optimizing savings, and investing wisely.

Debt Reduction
Prioritize Debt Repayment:

Focus on paying off your Rs 2.1 lakhs debt first.
Allocate any additional savings towards debt repayment.
Reducing debt will free up more funds for investments.
Avoid High-Interest Loans:

Refrain from taking high-interest loans like credit cards or personal loans.
This will prevent you from accumulating more debt.
Maintain Good Credit:

Paying off your debt promptly improves your credit score.
A good credit score helps in getting loans at lower interest rates if needed.
Emergency Fund Management
Maintain Adequate Emergency Fund:

Ensure you have 6-12 months of expenses in your emergency fund.
This will cover unexpected expenses without affecting your investments.
Savings Account:

Keep your emergency fund in a high-interest savings account or a liquid mutual fund.
This ensures liquidity and some growth on your emergency fund.
Optimizing Investments
Mutual Funds
Increase SIP Contributions:

Gradually increase your SIP contributions as your income grows.
Aim to allocate at least 20-30% of your salary towards investments.
Diversify Portfolio:

Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Diversification reduces risk and improves returns.
Actively Managed Funds:

Choose actively managed funds over index funds.
Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform the market.
Regular Reviews:

Review your mutual fund portfolio every 6 months.
Make adjustments based on fund performance and market conditions.
Gold Investments
Limit Gold Investments:

Gold is a good hedge but should not be a primary investment.
Limit gold to 10-15% of your total investment portfolio.
Consider Gold ETFs:

Invest in gold ETFs for better liquidity and market-linked returns.
This avoids the risks and costs associated with physical gold.
Additional Investment Strategies
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Maximize PPF Contributions:

PPF offers tax benefits and attractive interest rates.
Contribute up to the maximum limit (Rs 1.5 lakhs/year).
Long-Term Growth:

PPF is a long-term investment with a lock-in period of 15 years.
It's a safe investment with guaranteed returns.
Employee Provident Fund (EPF)
Continue EPF Contributions:

EPF is a low-risk investment with employer contributions.
It's a good long-term investment with tax benefits.
Monitor EPF Balance:

Keep track of your EPF balance and ensure contributions are being made regularly.
Importance of Compounding
Start Early:

The earlier you start investing, the more you benefit from compounding.
Your existing investments will grow significantly over time.
Stay Invested:

Avoid withdrawing from your investments prematurely.
Staying invested allows your money to grow through compounding.
Reinvest Returns:

Reinvest dividends and interest earned from your investments.
This enhances the compounding effect.
Tax Planning
Utilize Tax-Saving Instruments:

Invest in tax-saving instruments like ELSS, PPF, and EPF.
This reduces your taxable income and saves money.
Section 80C Deductions:

Make full use of Section 80C deductions (up to Rs 1.5 lakhs/year).
This includes investments in PPF, ELSS, and EPF.
Health Insurance:

Get health insurance to cover medical expenses.
Premiums paid are eligible for tax deductions under Section 80D.
Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Periodic Reviews:

Review your financial plan every 6 months.
Adjust your investments based on performance and changing goals.
Stay Informed:

Keep abreast of market trends and new investment opportunities.
Staying informed helps in making better investment decisions.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner:

Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.
A professional can help you fine-tune your financial strategy.
Final Insights
Your financial journey requires careful planning and disciplined execution. Here are some final insights to help you achieve your goal of Rs 1 crore by age 40:

Focus on Debt Reduction: Pay off your existing debt to free up more funds for investments.
Increase Investment Contributions: Gradually increase your SIP contributions as your income grows.
Diversify Investments: Maintain a diversified portfolio to reduce risk and maximize returns.
Leverage Compounding: Start early and stay invested to benefit from the power of compounding.
Regular Reviews: Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay on track.
By following these steps and maintaining discipline, you can achieve your financial goals and secure a comfortable future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8027 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Listen
Money
Hi I am 36 years old. My monthly income is 80K. I am investing 10000 in PPFCF, 3000 in ICICI psu fund, 2000 in Mirae asset flexi fund & 9000 in RD monthly. My monthly expenses are 50K. I want to build a corpus of 3 Cr by the age of 45 yrs. can you pls review my investments & suggest a plan to reach my goal
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Age: 36 years
Monthly Income: Rs 80,000
Monthly Expenses: Rs 50,000
Current Investments:
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund (PPFCF): Rs 10,000 per month
ICICI PSU Fund: Rs 3,000 per month
Mirae Asset Flexi Cap Fund: Rs 2,000 per month
Recurring Deposit (RD): Rs 9,000 per month
Financial Goal
Goal: Build a corpus of Rs 3 Crores by the age of 45 (9 years from now)
Investment Review
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund (PPFCF)

This fund is known for its good performance and diversification. Continue investing here.
ICICI PSU Fund

PSU funds are sector-specific and can be volatile. Consider reducing exposure to sector-specific funds.
Mirae Asset Flexi Cap Fund

This is another good diversified equity fund. Continue investing here.
Recurring Deposit (RD)

RDs are safe but offer lower returns. Consider redirecting this amount to higher return investments.
Suggested Investment Plan
To achieve your goal of Rs 3 Crores in 9 years, you need a focused and aggressive investment strategy. Here's a revised plan:

Increase Equity Exposure
Equity mutual funds offer higher returns over the long term. Allocate more towards diversified equity funds:

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Increase to Rs 15,000 per month.
Mirae Asset Flexi Cap Fund: Increase to Rs 5,000 per month.
Multi Cap Fund: Start with Rs 5,000 per month.
Mid Cap Fund: Start with Rs 5,000 per month for higher growth potential.
Balanced Funds
Balanced funds or hybrid funds provide a mix of equity and debt, offering moderate returns with lower risk:

Balanced Advantage Fund: Start with Rs 5,000 per month.
Reduce Sector-Specific Exposure
ICICI PSU Fund: Reduce or stop investment in this fund. Redirect this amount to diversified or balanced funds.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIP in Mutual Funds: Set up SIPs in the suggested funds to ensure disciplined investing.
Debt and Liquid Investments
Recurring Deposit (RD): Consider reducing RD contributions. Redirect Rs 4,000 from RD to equity funds. Keep Rs 5,000 in RD for safety and liquidity.
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6 months of expenses (Rs 3 Lakhs) in a high-interest savings account or liquid fund.
Additional Investments
If possible, increase your total monthly investment to Rs 35,000. This will help you reach your goal faster.
Monitoring and Adjusting
Regular Review: Review your portfolio every 6 months. Make adjustments based on market conditions and fund performance.
Rebalancing: Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain the desired asset allocation.
Tax Efficiency
Tax Planning: Use tax-efficient investment options to minimize tax liability. Consider ELSS funds for tax-saving under Section 80C.
Final Insights
Consistency is Key: Stay consistent with your investments. Avoid making changes based on short-term market movements.
Professional Guidance: Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and to ensure your investment strategy aligns with your goals.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8027 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Money
Hi mam, I'm conservative investor with 10 yr investment time horizon to create a corpus of 2 cr for retirement. Present MF monthly SIP as follows 1) UTI Nifty 50 -5k 2) MO midcap-5k 3) Parag Parikh Flexi -5k 4) MO large n mid -5k 5) Axis small cap -5k 6) Quant active -5k 7) SBI contra - 5k . Also I plan to invest additional lumpsum of 1-1.5 lac yearly in MFs. Present MF portfolio value-5 lakh, direct equity -3 lakh, EPF -20 lakh n investing monthly 14k, FD -6 lakh Will i b able to reach 2 cr corpus in 10 year .. advise please
Ans: You have a clear goal: building a corpus of Rs. 2 crore in 10 years for retirement. Your current investments include a diversified mix of mutual funds, direct equity, EPF, and FDs. You are also consistently investing through SIPs, which is a disciplined approach.

Appreciation for Discipline
Your commitment to SIPs and consistent saving in EPF and FDs shows your disciplined approach to investing. This is a strong foundation for long-term wealth creation.

Analysing Your Current Portfolio
Let's break down your existing portfolio to understand its alignment with your goal.

Mutual Funds:
You are investing Rs. 35,000 monthly across seven funds, which is well-diversified across large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap categories. Diversification is key to balancing risk and returns. However, certain aspects could be optimised.

Direct Equity:
Your Rs. 3 lakh investment in direct equity can offer potential high returns, but it also carries higher risk compared to mutual funds. It’s important to ensure that you are comfortable with this risk and are monitoring your portfolio regularly.

EPF:
Your EPF balance of Rs. 20 lakh is a significant component of your retirement planning. The regular contribution of Rs. 14,000 per month will continue to grow your corpus steadily, offering safety and tax benefits.

FDs:
With Rs. 6 lakh in FDs, you have a safe but low-return component in your portfolio. While this ensures liquidity and security, FDs generally offer lower returns compared to other options.

Evaluating Your SIP Choices
Your mutual fund selection includes a mix of index funds, mid-cap, large-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap, and contra funds. Here’s a quick assessment:

1. UTI Nifty 50 (Rs. 5,000):
Index funds like UTI Nifty 50 track the index closely, offering low-cost exposure to the market. However, index funds have limitations in flexibility and cannot adapt to market changes. Actively managed funds can potentially outperform in the long run.

2. Motilal Oswal Midcap (Rs. 5,000):
Midcap funds are great for long-term growth, but they come with higher volatility. Given your conservative profile, ensure you are comfortable with the fluctuations.

3. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap (Rs. 5,000):
This is a well-diversified fund, which can adapt to market conditions by investing across market caps. It’s a good choice for a balanced approach.

4. Motilal Oswal Large and Midcap (Rs. 5,000):
Large and midcap funds offer a blend of stability and growth potential. This fund can provide good returns over the long term while balancing risk.

5. Axis Small Cap (Rs. 5,000):
Small cap funds have high growth potential but also come with significant risk. Consider your risk tolerance carefully before continuing with this allocation.

6. Quant Active (Rs. 5,000):
This actively managed fund offers flexibility to navigate different market conditions, which is beneficial in volatile markets.

7. SBI Contra (Rs. 5,000):
Contra funds invest in undervalued stocks, which may take time to perform. While this can provide good returns, it also requires patience.

Recommendations for Optimisation
Based on your profile as a conservative investor, there are some areas where you can optimise your portfolio for better alignment with your goals.

1. Rebalance Your Portfolio:
Given your conservative nature, consider reducing exposure to high-risk funds like small-cap and mid-cap. Instead, allocate more to large-cap and flexi-cap funds, which offer a better balance of risk and return.

2. Consider Actively Managed Funds:
Actively managed funds can outperform index funds by making strategic investments based on market conditions. Replacing your index fund with an actively managed large-cap fund could enhance returns while still aligning with your conservative risk profile.

3. Increase Your SIP Contribution:
To achieve your Rs. 2 crore target, increasing your SIP amount will be crucial. Consider increasing your monthly SIPs by Rs. 10,000-15,000. This can significantly boost your corpus over 10 years.

4. Utilise Your Lumpsum Investment Wisely:
Your plan to invest Rs. 1-1.5 lakh yearly in mutual funds is wise. Spread this investment across well-performing flexi-cap and large-cap funds. This will ensure you are taking advantage of market opportunities while staying within your risk tolerance.

5. Monitor and Review Regularly:
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is essential. Markets change, and so do fund performances. Make sure to reassess your investments annually with the help of a Certified Financial Planner to ensure you stay on track.

Projecting Your Corpus Growth
With your current SIPs and an additional increase, along with your yearly lumpsum investments, you have a strong chance of reaching your Rs. 2 crore target. However, this projection assumes a steady market growth rate. Be prepared for market fluctuations and adjust your investments as needed.

Final Insights
Your disciplined approach and diversified portfolio set a solid foundation for achieving your retirement goals. By optimising your investments and increasing your SIPs, you can confidently work towards your Rs. 2 crore corpus in the next 10 years. Regularly review your portfolio, stay informed, and make adjustments as needed to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |536 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2025
Relationship
Recently, we got Engaged after a Courtship Period of 6 Months. Prior to this, my Fiancee had been in a Long Term Relationship, while I had never been into any Serious Romantic Relationship, apart from Platonic Friendship, with the Female Gender. Some 3 Months ago, my Fiancee confessed everything about her Past Relationship. Apparently, her Ex Boyfriend was quite Toxic. He used to Abuse her Emotionally but still Manipulate her into having Sexual Intercourse with him, which he was really good at. She also confessed that she enjoyed the Sexual Intimacy, even though she felt Emotionally invalidated in her previous Relationship. Apparently, their Relationship ended when she started being Assertive & tried taking a stand for herself. Then he Gaslighted her & Broke up the Relationship which was almost 5 years long. Initially, I felt uncomfortable hearing all these details from her as I was Virgin without any Prior Relationship Experience. But gradually, I began to Empathize with her. I appreciated her Honesty, as most other Women may not have Confessed all these before having an Arranged Marriage. Hence, I decided to Love her, without Judging her Past. Over the next 3 Months, we both became Emotionally close to each other & got Engaged with the Blessings of both Families. At the beginning of the Valentine's Week, I expressed my desire to lose my Virginity to her & also check our Sexual Compatibility, only if she's comfortable with it. She agreed & promised me that she would be taking the lead to ensure that my 'First Experience' would be memorable. On the 14th of February (Valentine's Day), she was the one who took me out on a Romantic Date, pampered me with Gifts, Treated me to exquisite Food & Drink. She had Pre-booked a Room in a Classy Hotel & had it arranged like it was meant for the First Night of a Just-Married Couple. We freshened up & got into the act. Initially, it was going great, but when we were in the middle of it, she started moaning the name of her Ex Boyfriend, in a Sub-conscious state. I was shocked & turned off. Immediately, I left the Hotel Room & went back Home & cried throughout the Night, thinking about my First Experience which was Ruined like this. The next day, she came over to meet me at my Place & gave me a Flower Bouquet with an Apology Note. My Heart wouldn't let me meet or talk with her. Hence, she expressed herself in Text. She profusely apologized for ruining my First Experience, though it was not intentional. She promised me that she would make up for this Bad Experience with a much better Experience, if I am willing to give her another chance. But I have a Gut Feeling that she was missing the Sexual Intimacy, which she used to enjoy with her Ex Boyfriend & that she can never Love me, as deeply as she Loved him, that she was unable to forget him even after going through an Abusive Relationship & a Traumatic Breakup. During the last 3 Months, I had treated gently with Empathy, showering her with Affection, so that she'd heal from her Past Relationship Trauma & I never tried to Pressurize her into having Sex with me, I just expressed my Desires & gave her the choice, whether or not to fulfill them. She seemed to have agreed, wholeheartedly. Several times, I asked her whether she was Physically, Mentally & Emotionally Prepared for it, just to Reassure myself that I am not being Manipulative like her Ex Boyfriend. Even if she had expressed 1% Uncertainty to go ahead, I wouldn't have insisted her & put it away to a later point of time, when she felt comfortable with me. She reassured me that she's completely ready & did all the Arrangements herself, which really touched my Heart as most other Girls expect the man to put in most of the efforts & feel as if they are doing him a Favour by 'giving him Sexual Pleasure'. But what happened on our First Night, Devastated me completely. Now I feel that she had been Faking it all the time. I told her clearly that I felt Cheated & that it would be Difficult for me to Trust her again. She excused herself saying that it was just a 'Mistake' & she didn't even consider it as 'Cheating' as it happened involuntarily. But I am Worried about such scenarios recurring after we get Married. What if she keeps thinking & fantasizing about her Ex Boyfriend, everytime we get Intimate? It would be as if, she's just present with me, physically but not Emotionally. It Would Ruin my Peace of Mind as I want to Enjoy a Blissful Sex Life with my Wife after getting Married. I am worried that this Incident may keep playing in my Subconscious Mind, everytime we get Intimate & that I'll never be able to enjoy Sexual Intimacy ever again. I told her that I am not really Sure about going ahead with the Marriage, but I am not able to discuss this matter with my Parents (or even her Parents) as they wouldn't approve of the Pre-marital Sex, which we engaged in. I am also Worried that even if I Cancel this Marriage, I may or may not get another Girl who's as good as this one & I am also worried about how the Next Girl would be Judging me, if I disclose all this to her. I am losing my Sleep over-thinking all this & unable to lead my Daily Life, Peacefully. Meanwhile, my Fiancee messages me several times every day, Requesting for another chance to Please me Sexually (in order to keep me attached to her, so that I don't try to Cancel the Marriage). I don't understand what to do, in this situation, Please advise me. Shall I Cancel the Marriage? What shall we tell our Parents? Or does she really Deserve another Chance?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I am really sorry you are going through such a tough time. Secondly, from all the details you have given, you were certainly not manipulative. Now coming to your query, I understand that it can be very difficult to discuss such an intimate moment with parents or make them understand why you decided to break things off, but if that is the only thing holding you off, I would say it's better to have a few uncomfortable discussions than a lifetime of wondering "if your wife is thinking about her ex." And even if she does not, would you ever truly believe that? You have two options- either you postpone the wedding and ask for some time to figure things out, in the meanwhile seek couples' counseling and see if this is a compatible match, or you completely rethink the alliance. After all, it is a matter of your entire life. The one thing I would definitely suggest is not to make hasty decisions or decisions based on "will I find someone else?" These both will make you make choices that are made in desperation. Remember it is better to be alone than in an unhappy and lonely marriage. And why would anyone judge you? You are not in the wrong here.

One more thing, as far as telling your parents is concerned, you can cite a reason like "compatibility issues which are slightly personal." I am sure they won't press on it. But please do not rush into anything.
Hope this helps.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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