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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Chirosunder Question by Chirosunder on May 29, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I want to invest rs.2500 per month for 15 years and want to step up sip rs 500 per year on it. May i achieve 50 lakh after 15 years. Pl. Give suggestions how many years should I invest to achieve my 50 lakh by investing rs.2500 with step up each year rs.500.

Ans: Investing regularly and increasing your contributions over time is a smart strategy for building wealth. Let's explore whether you can achieve your goal of Rs 50 lakhs by investing Rs 2,500 per month, with an annual step-up of Rs 500, over 15 years.

Understanding Your Investment Plan
You plan to start with an SIP of Rs 2,500 per month and increase it by Rs 500 each year. This step-up strategy can significantly enhance your returns over time.

The Power of SIP with Step-Up
Regular Contributions
SIPs help you invest a fixed amount regularly, averaging out market volatility. This disciplined approach builds wealth steadily.

Annual Step-Up
Increasing your SIP by Rs 500 each year boosts your investment significantly. This compounding effect can accelerate your wealth accumulation.

Evaluating the Potential Growth
Long-Term Horizon
A 15-year investment horizon is substantial. This period allows your investments to grow and recover from any short-term market fluctuations.

Expected Returns
Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have historically provided good returns over the long term. A well-chosen portfolio can yield competitive returns.

Achieving Rs 50 Lakhs: Analysis
Initial SIP
Starting with Rs 2,500 per month lays a strong foundation. Regular contributions add up over time.

Annual Increment
Increasing your SIP by Rs 500 each year adds to your corpus. This gradual increase makes a significant difference over 15 years.

Is 15 Years Enough?
Calculation Assumptions
To achieve Rs 50 lakhs, your investment needs to grow at a certain rate. The exact rate depends on market conditions and fund performance.

Potential Outcome
Assuming a moderate return, you might not reach Rs 50 lakhs in 15 years with the given contributions. However, extending the investment period can bridge the gap.

Extending the Investment Period
Additional Years Required
By extending your investment period beyond 15 years, you can leverage compounding further. This reduces the required return rate to achieve your goal.

Incremental Growth
Even a few extra years can make a significant difference. The longer your money stays invested, the more it grows.

Optimizing Your Investment Strategy
Diversify Your Portfolio
Diversify across equity and debt funds to balance risk and return. This strategy enhances growth potential while providing stability.

Actively Managed Funds
Consider actively managed funds. They offer potential for higher returns through expert management and market insights.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Lack of Flexibility
Index funds track the market index. They cannot adapt to changing conditions, missing opportunities for higher returns.

Market Performance Dependency
Index funds perform in line with the market. In downturns, they reflect market losses without mechanisms to mitigate them.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
Personalized Strategy
A Certified Financial Planner tailors an investment strategy to your goals and risk tolerance. This personalized approach optimizes your investment journey.

Ongoing Management
Regular reviews and adjustments ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your objectives. Professional guidance adapts your strategy to market changes.

Regular Reviews and Rebalancing
Importance of Reviews
Review your portfolio regularly. Ensure it performs as expected and remains aligned with your financial goals. Adjust as necessary.

Rebalancing
Rebalancing involves adjusting your investments to maintain your desired asset allocation. This strategy manages risk and optimizes returns.

Projecting Your Investment Timeline
Longer Horizon
If 15 years isn't sufficient, extend your investment horizon. A longer period enhances the power of compounding and helps achieve your goal.

Incremental Contributions
Continue increasing your SIP annually. This gradual increase significantly impacts your final corpus, bringing you closer to Rs 50 lakhs.

Conclusion
Investing Rs 2,500 per month with a step-up strategy is a robust approach. To achieve Rs 50 lakhs, consider extending your investment period beyond 15 years. Regular reviews and professional guidance optimize your investment journey, ensuring alignment with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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Hello sir I m doing sip of 6.k monthly from last one year Nippon India small cap fund 2k HDFC midcap opportunity 1k Quant small cap fund 1k SBI contra fund 2.5k So please guide me how much I have to invest to reach 50 lakh in next 10 yrs.or do I need to change any investment?
Ans: Firstly, commendations on taking proactive steps towards securing your financial future by investing in SIPs. It’s great to see your commitment and consistency in building wealth through mutual funds.

Current Investment Analysis
Your Current SIPs:

Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Rs. 2,000 monthly
HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund: Rs. 1,000 monthly
Quant Small Cap Fund: Rs. 1,000 monthly
SBI Contra Fund: Rs. 2,500 monthly
Total Monthly Investment: Rs. 6,500

Calculating Future Value of Current Investments
To determine if your current SIPs will help you reach your goal of Rs. 50 lakh in 10 years, let's calculate the future value. Assuming an average annual return of 12%, the future value of your SIP can be estimated using the formula for the future value of an SIP:

Future Value (FV) = P × [ (1 + r)^n - 1 ] / r × (1 + r)

Where:

P is the monthly investment (SIP amount)
r is the monthly rate of return (annual return / 12)
n is the total number of investments (months)
For a 12% annual return:
r = 12/100 / 12 = 0.01

Total months n = 10 × 12 = 120

Let's calculate the future value for each SIP:

Nippon India Small Cap Fund
P = 2000
FV = 2000 × [ (1 + 0.01)^120 - 1 ] / 0.01 × (1 + 0.01)
FV = 2000 × [ 1.01^120 - 1 ] / 0.01 × 1.01
FV = 2000 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 4,70,000

HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund
P = 1000
FV = 1000 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 2,35,000

Quant Small Cap Fund
P = 1000
FV = 1000 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 2,35,000

SBI Contra Fund
P = 2500
FV = 2500 × 232.97 × 1.01
FV ≈ 5,87,000

Adding these, the total future value of your current SIPs will be:
4,70,000 + 2,35,000 + 2,35,000 + 5,87,000 = 15,27,000

Gap Analysis and Required SIP
Your goal is to accumulate Rs. 50 lakh, but your current SIPs will accumulate approximately Rs. 15.27 lakh. This leaves a shortfall:

Required Amount: Rs. 50 lakh

Current Future Value: Rs. 15.27 lakh

Shortfall: Rs. 50 lakh - Rs. 15.27 lakh = Rs. 34.73 lakh

To reach Rs. 50 lakh, you need to invest more. Let’s determine how much you need to invest monthly to bridge this gap.

Using the SIP future value formula, let's solve for P (the required monthly SIP amount) to reach Rs. 50 lakh:

50,00,000 = P × [ (1 + 0.01)^120 - 1 ] / 0.01 × (1 + 0.01)

50,00,000 = P × 232.97 × 1.01

50,00,000 = P × 235.30

P = 50,00,000 / 235.30

P ≈ 21,250

You need to invest approximately Rs. 21,250 per month to reach your goal of Rs. 50 lakh in 10 years, assuming a 12% annual return.

Reviewing Your Current Investments
Fund Performance and Diversification

Nippon India Small Cap Fund: Good for aggressive growth, but high risk.
HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund: Balanced growth and risk.
Quant Small Cap Fund: Another high-risk, high-return option.
SBI Contra Fund: Contrarian approach, can offer good returns in underperforming sectors.
Your portfolio has a mix of small-cap, mid-cap, and contrarian strategies. It’s relatively aggressive, which is suitable for a long-term horizon but may need some balancing for risk management.

Suggestions for Portfolio Adjustment
Increase Investment Amount

To reach your goal, increase your monthly SIP to Rs. 21,250. You can adjust the distribution among existing funds or add new funds.

Diversification

Consider adding large-cap or multi-cap funds to diversify and reduce risk. Large-cap funds typically offer more stability and can balance the high-risk small-cap and mid-cap funds in your portfolio.

Why Actively Managed Funds
While index funds are popular, actively managed funds can provide better returns due to the expertise of fund managers. They can make strategic decisions and adapt to market conditions, potentially outperforming the index.

Direct vs. Regular Funds
Investing in direct funds saves on expense ratios, but it requires active management and market knowledge. Regular funds, through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials, provide professional advice and management, which can be beneficial.

Conclusion
To achieve your goal of Rs. 50 lakh in the next 10 years, you need to increase your SIP to Rs. 21,250 per month. Diversify your investments to include large-cap or multi-cap funds to balance risk. Consider the benefits of actively managed funds and professional advice through regular funds.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 04, 2024Hindi
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Age 38, monthly income 1.2 lacs, invest time for 10yrs in SIP (STEP UP). goal 2 cr after 15 years, what will be minimum investment monthly & what are the best funds to invest for this time period.
Ans: Your goal of accumulating Rs. 2 crores in 15 years is commendable. Given your monthly income of Rs. 1.2 lakhs, it’s achievable with disciplined investing.

You plan to invest for 10 years, focusing on SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) with a step-up approach. A step-up SIP means increasing your investment amount annually, which aligns well with salary increments and inflation.

Determining the Minimum Investment
To reach Rs. 2 crores in 15 years, starting with a 10-year investment period, you’ll need a robust strategy. Let’s break this down:

Return Expectations: Historically, equity mutual funds have delivered average returns of 12-15% over the long term. For conservative estimates, let's assume a 12% annual return.

Step-Up SIP: This approach allows you to start with a lower SIP amount and increase it each year by a certain percentage, usually 5-10%. This compensates for inflation and salary growth.

Estimating SIP Amount
Given the assumptions:

Initial Monthly SIP: The initial SIP amount you need to invest would be around Rs. 30,000 to Rs. 40,000 if you step up your SIP by 10% every year.

Step-Up SIP Impact: With a 10% annual step-up, you will gradually increase your investments over time. This reduces the burden of a high initial SIP while still allowing you to reach your goal.

Final Investment Value: If you consistently follow this approach, the power of compounding and the annual increase in SIP amount will help you accumulate Rs. 2 crores.

Choosing the Right Mutual Funds
Selecting the right mutual funds is crucial for meeting your financial goals. Here are some categories to consider:

Large-Cap Funds: These funds invest in large, stable companies with a proven track record. They are less volatile and provide steady returns over the long term.

Mid-Cap Funds: These funds invest in medium-sized companies with high growth potential. They offer higher returns but come with increased volatility.

Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds have the flexibility to invest across market capitalizations, providing a balanced approach to risk and return.

Multi-Cap Funds: Similar to flexi-cap funds but with a more diversified portfolio across large, mid, and small-cap stocks.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These funds invest in both equity and debt instruments, offering a balanced approach with moderate risk.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Annual Review: It’s important to review your portfolio annually to ensure it aligns with your financial goals. Adjustments may be needed based on market conditions and your financial situation.

Rebalancing: As you approach your goal, consider shifting from high-risk funds to more stable investments to protect your accumulated wealth.

Risk Management and Diversification
Risk Tolerance: Assess your risk tolerance before choosing funds. Younger investors can afford to take more risks, while those closer to retirement should focus on preserving capital.

Diversification: Diversifying your investments across different fund categories and asset classes reduces risk and increases the potential for returns.

Tax Efficiency
ELSS Funds: Consider investing in Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) for tax benefits under Section 80C. These funds have a lock-in period of three years but offer tax deductions.

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): After one year, equity mutual funds attract LTCG tax of 10% on gains exceeding Rs. 1 lakh per annum. This is lower compared to other investment avenues.

Final Insights
Your goal of accumulating Rs. 2 crores in 15 years is realistic with disciplined investing. Start with an initial SIP amount that fits your budget and step it up annually.

Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds to balance risk and return. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir my age is 35 and i am doing 2 Sip of Rs 2500 each with a increment of 10 % every year. I want to make a corpus amount of 1 cr by 50 age. How much should I invest more to reach that goal..
Ans: At 35 years of age, you have already embarked on a smart investment journey by investing in two Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs), each with a monthly contribution of Rs 2,500. In total, you are contributing Rs 5,000 per month. Moreover, the decision to increase your SIP by 10% every year is a well-thought-out strategy that will help you combat inflation and take advantage of the power of compounding.

Your goal is to accumulate Rs 1 crore by the time you turn 50, giving you a time horizon of 15 years. This is a realistic and achievable goal with the right strategy, but it’s crucial to assess how much more you need to invest to comfortably reach your target.

Understanding the Power of SIPs and Compounding

SIPs are one of the most effective tools for wealth creation, especially for long-term investors like you. They work on the principles of rupee cost averaging and the power of compounding, both of which are key factors in building wealth over time.

Rupee Cost Averaging: This allows you to buy more units when the market is down and fewer units when the market is high. Over time, this helps in averaging out the cost of your investments and reducing market risk.

Compounding: The true magic of wealth creation lies in compounding. The longer you stay invested, the more your returns grow. With the 10% annual increment you’ve already planned, your contributions will increase steadily, adding more fuel to the power of compounding.

Your Current SIPs: Are They Enough?

Now, let’s look at your current contributions. A monthly SIP of Rs 5,000 with a 10% annual increment is a solid start, but to determine if it’s enough to reach Rs 1 crore by the time you turn 50, we need to consider several factors:

Expected Rate of Return: Equity mutual funds typically provide returns in the range of 12-15% per annum over the long term. For this assessment, let’s assume a conservative return of 12%. It’s important to remember that markets fluctuate, and returns can vary. But historically, 12% is a reasonable expectation for equity investments.

Time Horizon: You have 15 years until you turn 50, which is a decent time horizon for compounding to work in your favour. The longer the horizon, the more powerful compounding becomes.

Your Goal: Your target is Rs 1 crore, which is achievable, but you may need to tweak your contributions to ensure you stay on track.

Gap Analysis: Estimating the Shortfall

Even though you are on the right track with your Rs 5,000 monthly SIP and a 10% annual increment, it’s important to evaluate whether these contributions are enough to meet your goal. A conservative estimate would indicate that you might fall short of your Rs 1 crore target if you continue with just Rs 5,000 per month.

This is where the concept of a gap analysis comes in. Based on your current SIP contributions, expected returns, and time horizon, you may not reach Rs 1 crore without increasing your investment amount. We estimate that you may need to increase your contributions to meet your target comfortably.

Increasing Your SIP: How Much More Should You Invest?

To achieve your Rs 1 crore goal by age 50, you will need to increase your monthly SIP contributions. Based on a 12% annual return, you would likely need to contribute an additional Rs 7,000 to Rs 10,000 per month.

This additional investment will help you bridge the gap between your current contributions and your final goal. By adding this increment now, you will benefit from the compounding effect over the next 15 years. The sooner you increase your SIP, the more your wealth will grow.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

While SIPs are an excellent way to invest, the type of funds you choose plays a significant role in achieving your financial goals. Actively managed mutual funds, when invested through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD), offer several advantages over passive funds like index funds or ETFs.

Professional Management: Actively managed funds are handled by experienced fund managers who have the expertise to select the right mix of assets. They constantly monitor the market and make adjustments to the portfolio to optimise returns.

Flexibility: Unlike index funds, which mirror the market and cannot adjust during market downturns, actively managed funds can reallocate assets based on market conditions. This flexibility helps to mitigate risks and capture opportunities that passive funds might miss.

Better Potential Returns: Over time, actively managed funds have the potential to outperform index funds, especially during market volatility. This is because they are not tied to a specific benchmark and can choose high-growth sectors.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

While index funds have gained popularity due to their low costs, they may not be the best option for you, given your goal and time horizon. Here are some key disadvantages of index funds:

Limited Returns: Index funds aim to replicate the market’s performance. This means that during market downturns, they cannot avoid losses. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, have the potential to outperform by adjusting their portfolios during such times.

No Flexibility: Since index funds simply follow the market, they lack the flexibility to take advantage of emerging opportunities or shield the portfolio from market corrections.

Missed Opportunities: In a market where certain sectors or stocks are performing better than others, index funds are unable to capitalise on these opportunities. Actively managed funds can.

Diversifying Your Portfolio for Long-Term Growth

To maximise your returns and minimise risks, it’s essential to diversify your investments across various sectors. Diversification spreads risk and allows you to capture growth from different segments of the economy.

Here’s a suggested sector allocation for a well-diversified portfolio:

Large-Cap Stocks (40%): These are established companies with a strong track record. Large-cap stocks provide stability and steady growth, which is essential for the core of your portfolio.

Mid-Cap Stocks (30%): Mid-cap companies have higher growth potential than large-cap stocks. They are more volatile but offer a balanced risk-return profile.

Small-Cap Stocks (20%): Small-cap stocks are the most volatile, but they also have the highest potential for growth. Allocating a small portion of your portfolio to small-cap stocks can boost your overall returns.

Sectoral Funds (10%): Certain sectors, like IT, Pharma, and Renewable Energy, have strong growth potential. A small allocation in sectoral funds can help capture the growth in these high-performing sectors.

Importance of Staying Invested for the Long Term

While it’s tempting to react to short-term market fluctuations, the key to successful investing is staying invested for the long term. Markets may go up and down, but over time, they tend to grow. By staying invested and continuing your SIPs, you are likely to benefit from market recoveries and long-term growth.

Rebalancing Your Portfolio Regularly

As market conditions change, it’s important to review and rebalance your portfolio regularly. Rebalancing helps you lock in profits and ensures that your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and financial goals. A Certified Financial Planner can assist you in this process by making necessary adjustments based on your evolving needs and market trends.

Taxation on Mutual Fund Gains

When investing in mutual funds, it’s essential to consider taxation, as it can impact your final corpus. Here are the tax implications for equity mutual funds:

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): Gains above Rs 1.25 lakh in a financial year are taxed at 12.5%. This tax applies to equity mutual funds held for more than one year.

Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG): If you sell your equity mutual funds within one year, STCG is taxed at 20%. It’s advisable to hold your equity investments for the long term to benefit from lower tax rates and compounding.

Surrendering Traditional Insurance Policies

If you hold traditional insurance policies, such as LIC or ULIPs, it may be worth considering surrendering them. These policies often provide lower returns compared to mutual funds. By reinvesting the surrendered amount into SIPs, you can potentially enhance your wealth-building strategy and reach your Rs 1 crore goal faster.

Inflation and Your Investment Goals

Inflation can erode the purchasing power of your money over time. This is why it’s important to not only focus on achieving a Rs 1 crore corpus but also ensure that your investments grow faster than inflation. Equity mutual funds are known to beat inflation over the long term, making them an ideal choice for your goal.

Final Insights

To achieve your Rs 1 crore goal by age 50, you need to increase your monthly SIP contributions by Rs 7,000 to Rs 10,000. This additional investment, combined with your current strategy and the power of compounding, will help you reach your goal comfortably. A well-diversified portfolio of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and sectoral funds will further enhance your returns while managing risks.

Regular monitoring, rebalancing, and staying invested for the long term are crucial for success. With the help of a Certified Financial Planner, you can ensure that your investments remain aligned with your goals, market conditions, and personal circumstances.

By following these strategies, you will not only reach your Rs 1 crore target but also build a strong financial foundation for the future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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