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50-year-old looking to Retire: Can 2 Crores Get Me Rs 1.5-2 Lakh Monthly Risk-Free?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 17, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Sushant Question by Sushant on Sep 08, 2024Hindi
Money

How to plan for retirement with 2cr corpus amount to get 1.5 to 2 lacs monthly income without any risk

Ans: Your goal of earning Rs 1.5 to 2 lakh per month without risk is achievable. With careful planning, you can enjoy a stable, risk-free retirement income. Let’s explore the best strategies to meet your needs.

Assessing Your Retirement Goals
You aim for Rs 1.5 to 2 lakh monthly income.
You want a risk-free investment approach.
The Rs 2 crore corpus should last for your lifetime.
The plan must account for inflation and future needs.
Key Insight: Your current corpus is solid, but it needs a structured approach to generate a sustainable income. Risk-free instruments are necessary, but returns should also keep pace with inflation.

Strategy 1: Fixed Deposits (FDs)
Fixed Deposits in banks and non-banking financial companies (NBFCs) offer risk-free returns. They are ideal for generating stable income, especially for retirees.

Interest rates for FDs range between 6% to 7%.
You can choose monthly or quarterly interest payouts.
Spread your FDs across different banks to diversify and reduce risk.
Key Action: Invest a part of your Rs 2 crore in FDs for guaranteed returns. Opt for monthly payouts to ensure a steady flow of income.

Strategy 2: Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS)
If you are 60 years or above, the Senior Citizen Savings Scheme is a great option. It provides both safety and decent returns.

The SCSS offers an interest rate of around 8%.
You can invest up to Rs 30 lakh in SCSS.
The scheme has a 5-year tenure, extendable by 3 years.
Key Action: Invest the maximum allowed amount in SCSS for higher returns and capital safety.

Strategy 3: Monthly Income Schemes (MIS)
The Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS) is another reliable source of risk-free income.

The current interest rate is around 7.5%.
You can invest up to Rs 9 lakh jointly or Rs 4.5 lakh individually.
Interest is paid monthly, making it ideal for regular income.
Key Action: Use this scheme to generate steady, monthly income with zero risk.

Strategy 4: Debt Mutual Funds
While you prefer risk-free options, some debt mutual funds provide higher returns than FDs with minimal risk. Debt funds invest in government securities, corporate bonds, and money market instruments.

Short-term debt funds or liquid funds are safe options.
They provide better post-tax returns, especially for those in higher tax brackets.
Returns can range between 5% to 8%, depending on the fund type.
Key Insight: Debt mutual funds are not entirely risk-free but offer better returns compared to FDs. Opt for funds with low volatility.

Strategy 5: Pradhan Mantri Vaya Vandana Yojana (PMVVY)
This is a government-backed scheme for senior citizens that offers guaranteed returns.

The scheme offers around 7.4% interest per annum.
You can invest up to Rs 15 lakh.
Payments can be received monthly, quarterly, or yearly.
Key Action: Invest in PMVVY for guaranteed, pension-like income.

Strategy 6: Laddering Your Investments
Instead of investing all your money in one scheme, consider laddering. This ensures liquidity and better returns over time.

Spread your investments across various tenures and instruments.
Keep some FDs for short term and others for long term.
Use SCSS, MIS, and debt mutual funds to create multiple income streams.
Key Action: Laddering your investments will help manage interest rate changes and inflation while ensuring liquidity.

Managing Inflation Risk
Inflation erodes the purchasing power of your money over time. Although your goal is risk-free investment, it’s important to keep pace with inflation.

Debt mutual funds or bonds can help in generating higher returns, which can offset inflation.
Consider reinvesting some of your returns to maintain your corpus.
Key Insight: A balance between completely risk-free instruments and low-risk debt funds can protect against inflation without exposing you to market volatility.

Tax Planning for Retirement Income
Taxation can affect your post-retirement income. Planning your investments in a tax-efficient manner is crucial.

Interest from FDs, SCSS, and PMVVY is taxable as per your income tax slab.
Debt mutual funds offer better post-tax returns, especially if you hold them for over three years (long-term capital gains taxed at 20% with indexation).
Key Action: Keep your tax liability in mind when choosing investment instruments. Rebalance your portfolio if needed to ensure tax-efficient income.

Withdrawal Strategy for Rs 2 Crore Corpus
To ensure your Rs 2 crore corpus lasts for your lifetime, a disciplined withdrawal strategy is essential. You should avoid withdrawing more than 6% to 8% of your corpus annually to preserve the capital.

If you withdraw Rs 1.5 lakh to Rs 2 lakh per month, this amounts to Rs 18 lakh to Rs 24 lakh annually.
Based on your corpus of Rs 2 crore, this is a 9% to 12% withdrawal rate. You may need to adjust the monthly withdrawal to preserve capital.
Key Insight: A well-balanced withdrawal rate will help sustain your corpus and provide income for a longer period.

Final Insights
Planning for a risk-free retirement with Rs 2 crore is achievable with the right strategies in place. By diversifying across risk-free instruments like FDs, SCSS, and POMIS, and considering tax-efficient debt funds, you can enjoy a steady monthly income of Rs 1.5 to 2 lakh.

It is important to manage your tax liability, factor in inflation, and withdraw in a disciplined manner to make your retirement corpus last. Regularly review your investments to ensure they continue to meet your goals.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2025
Money
Hi, I am 57+ years old with 2 yrs left for retirement from pvt firm. My take home salary is 2.15L after tax, corporate insurance and VPF deduction. I have accumulated 2cr in PF, 40 L in PPF, 20 L in FD, 40 L in retiral benefits when due. SIP of monthly10k in Equity MF started recently valued at only 5L. Own house, 40k loan monthly emi ending just before retirement. Self and family sufficiently insured . Monthly expense 1.8L . Eligible for 1L pension post retirement. I need to ensure a total retirement corpus of 5 cr by next 2 yrs. Fall in Single income bracket. Pls advise.
Ans: You have already taken some key steps in the right direction. Let me guide you towards achieving your Rs 5 crore corpus goal with a structured, 360-degree plan. This advice comes with your short 2-year time frame, income flow, and existing assets in mind.

Current Financial Snapshot – Assessment

You are already on a stable base:

Age: 57+ years, 2 years from retirement.

Monthly net salary: Rs 2.15 lakh.

Existing savings:

PF: Rs 2 crore.

PPF: Rs 40 lakh.

FD: Rs 20 lakh.

Retiral benefits (due at retirement): Rs 40 lakh.

MF SIP (started recently): Rs 5 lakh value, Rs 10,000/month.

EMI of Rs 40,000 ending just before retirement.

Own house – no rent burden.

Monthly expense: Rs 1.8 lakh.

Post-retirement pension: Rs 1 lakh/month.

Well-insured family and self.

This gives a very good head-start. You are already financially disciplined. Your lifestyle is well-planned. You are consistent in saving. But the target of Rs 5 crore in 2 years is slightly tight. So, every rupee now must work harder.

Goal Feasibility – Analysis of Rs 5 Crore Target

Let’s review if this goal is realistic:

Current accumulated wealth: Rs 3.05 crore (PF + PPF + FD + MF).

Retiral benefits in 2 years: Rs 40 lakh more.

Total likely corpus in 2 years without new investments: Rs 3.45 crore.

Gap to Rs 5 crore: Rs 1.55 crore.

Your income surplus is approx. Rs 35,000 per month (Rs 2.15 lakh income – Rs 1.8 lakh expense – Rs 40,000 EMI). EMI will stop in 2 years. That will free more cashflow, but not now. With just Rs 35,000/month savings, achieving Rs 1.55 crore extra in 2 years needs very high returns. That is not advisable near retirement.

Hence, you need:

Clear cost management.

Smarter savings redirection.

Enhanced allocation in high potential assets.

Realistic goal adjustment if needed.

Action Plan – Smart Steps for Next 2 Years

Let us now break down what to do.

1. Re-align Your Monthly Budget
Current surplus is Rs 35,000/month.

Cut monthly lifestyle spend from Rs 1.8 lakh to Rs 1.5 lakh.

Free up Rs 65,000+ per month for investments.

This increase is key to reach your Rs 5 crore goal.

2. Increase Equity Exposure Strategically
You started SIP in equity MF. Good beginning.

Rs 10,000/month is very low for your goal.

Increase it to Rs 50,000/month if possible.

Invest in well-managed diversified mutual funds.

Use regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner.

Avoid direct plans. They offer no guidance or risk management.

Regular plans allow you access to a certified MFD + CFP support.

This handholding is vital at your stage.

Disadvantage of Direct Plans:

No portfolio review.

No exit strategy support.

No emotional handholding in market volatility.

You might choose wrong funds.

Saving 0.5%-1% fee is not worth big risk at this stage.

Instead, pay a small trail fee and get full guidance. That is safer and more profitable in the long run.

3. Lumpsum Allocation from FD + PPF
PPF and PF are debt-heavy.

FD returns are taxable and low.

You need growth assets now.

Action:

Move Rs 10 lakh from FD into 2 lumpsum tranches of Rs 5 lakh each.

Use them in equity mutual funds via Systematic Transfer Plan (STP).

STP gives gradual market exposure.

This protects you from sudden market crashes.

PPF: Continue till maturity. Don’t break. It's safe and tax-free.

FD: Don’t increase allocation. Use only as emergency buffer.

4. Retiral Benefits to Be Invested Wisely
Rs 40 lakh expected on retirement.

Don’t keep it in savings account or FD.

Split into 2 parts:

Rs 15 lakh into hybrid or balanced mutual funds.

Rs 25 lakh in short duration debt mutual funds for 2–4 year needs.

Use mutual funds, not bank products.

Bank products give lower return and are taxable. Mutual funds give better growth and flexibility.

5. Monthly SIP Discipline and Staggering
Increase SIP gradually each quarter if possible.

Target Rs 75,000–80,000/month within 12 months.

Use diversified equity mutual funds across large, mid and flexi-cap categories.

Avoid sector funds or thematic funds. Too risky.

Avoid index funds:

No active management.

Cannot avoid loss in falling markets.

Underperforms in sideways or volatile markets.

Lack flexibility and safety in retirement stage.

Advantage of actively managed funds:

Can shift to cash or debt when needed.

Expertly curated by experienced fund managers.

Less risk in volatile times.

This is important for your risk profile.

Post Retirement Strategy – Manage Withdrawal and Income Smartly

After retirement:

Monthly pension: Rs 1 lakh.

Your current monthly need: Rs 1.8 lakh.

Monthly gap: Rs 80,000.

So, your corpus should generate Rs 80,000/month = Rs 9.6 lakh/year.

Step-by-step plan:

Use debt and hybrid funds to generate fixed withdrawals.

Use equity fund growth for long-term needs.

Keep 1 year of expenses in ultra short-term fund.

Replenish it every 12 months from equity/debt growth.

Don’t withdraw from equity funds in loss phase.

Use buffer funds instead. This avoids selling in down markets.

Tax Impact Planning – Avoid Surprises

Equity mutual fund long term capital gain (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Short term gains (STCG) taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds taxed as per your slab.

Plan redemptions carefully with your CFP.

Spread out withdrawals to reduce tax burden.

Avoid fixed deposits for income. They are taxed at your slab rate.

Emergency and Contingency Plan

Keep Rs 10 lakh in liquid fund or ultra-short duration debt fund.

This is for health emergency or family needs.

Don’t touch your retirement corpus for this.

Emotional and Family Considerations

Talk to spouse and family about spending reduction for next 2 years.

Avoid lifestyle upgrades.

No unnecessary gifting or lending.

Involve family in investment discussions.

This helps them manage better later.

What Not to Do Now

Don’t invest in real estate. It lacks liquidity.

Don’t buy new insurance policies.

Don’t invest in NPS or ULIPs now.

Don’t go for annuities. Poor returns and no growth.

Don’t keep big cash in bank FDs.

Finally – Key Insights and Recommendations

Rs 5 crore goal is possible with smart moves.

Cut spending. Increase savings.

Use equity mutual funds more.

Avoid FDs and other low-yield products.

Work closely with a Certified Financial Planner.

Avoid emotional investing decisions.

Keep health insurance active always.

Build a withdrawal strategy from day one after retirement.

Revisit and re-balance portfolio every 6 months.

Protect capital. Grow smartly. Spend wisely.

Your financial discipline is already strong. With better strategy, the final stretch will be successful.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |6751 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 19, 2025

Career
Sir i have given 12th in 2025 and passed with 69% but not given jee exam in 2025 and not in 2026 also But i want iit anyhow sir is this possible that i give 12th in 2027 and cleared 75 criteria then give jee mains and also i am eligible for jee advanced
Ans: You have already appeared for and passed the Class 12 examination in 2025. As per the eligibility criteria, only two consecutive attempts for JEE (Advanced) are permitted—the first in 2025 and the second in 2026. Therefore, you will not be eligible to appear for JEE (Advanced) in 2027. Reappearing for Class 12 does not reset or extend JEE (Advanced) eligibility.

However, you can still achieve your goal of studying at an IIT through an alternative and well-established pathway. You may take admission to an undergraduate engineering program of your choice, appear for the GATE examination in your final year, and secure a qualifying score to gain admission to a postgraduate program at a top IIT.

This is a strong and viable route to IIT. At this stage, it would be advisable to move forward by enrolling in an engineering program rather than focusing again on Class 12, JEE Main, or JEE Advanced.

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
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Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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