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Ulhas

Ulhas Joshi  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on Oct 12, 2023

With over 16 years of experience in the mutual fund industry, Ulhas Joshi has helped numerous clients choose the right funds and create wealth.
Prior to joining RankMF as CEO, he was vice president (sales) at IDBI Asset Management Ltd.
Joshi holds an MBA in marketing from Barkatullah University, Bhopal.... more
Chandru Question by Chandru on Sep 28, 2023Hindi
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How to invest in index funds. Examples of few index funds in India.

Ans: Hello Chandru and thanks for writing to me. Index funds are funds that track or invest only in the stocks of a particular index like Nifty 50, Sensex 30 or so on.

Some notable options are UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund & Nippon India Nifty SmallCap 250 Index fund. You can invest in them thru the respective mutual funds' website or an AMFI registered mutual fund distributor.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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How to invest in Index funds. Which are better Index or Etf or FOF. PLEASE Suggest me sir
Ans: Investing in Index Funds, ETFs, and FoFs
Investing in index funds, ETFs, or FoFs (Fund of Funds) can be a great way to build a diversified portfolio. However, it’s important to understand the differences between these options and how they compare to actively managed funds. Let's explore each option and highlight the disadvantages of index funds over active funds.

Index Funds
Index Funds are mutual funds that aim to replicate the performance of a specific market index, such as the Nifty 50 or Sensex. They passively track the index by holding the same securities in the same proportions.

Advantages of Index Funds:
Low Costs: Lower expense ratios due to passive management.
Diversification: Broad market exposure reduces individual stock risk.
Simplicity: Easy to understand and invest in.
Disadvantages of Index Funds:
Limited Upside Potential: Index funds aim to match market returns, not outperform them.
Lack of Flexibility: They cannot adapt to market conditions or exploit opportunities.
Tracking Error: The performance of index funds might slightly deviate from the index due to fees and operational inefficiencies.
Exchange-Traded Funds (ETFs)
ETFs are similar to index funds but trade on stock exchanges like individual stocks. They also aim to replicate the performance of a market index.

Advantages of ETFs:
Liquidity: Can be bought and sold during market hours.
Cost-Effective: Generally have lower expense ratios than index funds.
Flexibility: Allows for intraday trading and better control over buying/selling price.
Disadvantages of ETFs:
Transaction Costs: Buying and selling ETFs incur brokerage fees.
Price Variability: Prices can fluctuate throughout the day, unlike mutual funds priced once a day.
Market Impact: Large trades can affect the market price of the ETF.
Fund of Funds (FoFs)
Fund of Funds invest in a portfolio of other mutual funds. They offer diversification by spreading investments across various funds.

Advantages of FoFs:
Diversification: Broad exposure across multiple funds and asset classes.
Professional Management: Managed by experienced professionals selecting underlying funds.
Convenience: One investment offers exposure to several funds.
Disadvantages of FoFs:
Higher Costs: Expense ratios can be higher due to layered fees (fees of the FoF plus underlying funds).
Complexity: More difficult to track and understand due to multiple underlying funds.
Potential Overlap: Investments in underlying funds may overlap, reducing diversification benefits.
Comparing to Actively Managed Funds
Actively Managed Funds aim to outperform the market through strategic selection of securities. They are managed by professional fund managers who make decisions based on research and market analysis.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:
Potential for Higher Returns: Can outperform the market through skilled management.
Flexibility: Managers can adapt to market conditions and take advantage of opportunities.
Risk Management: Active funds can avoid poor-performing sectors or stocks.
Disadvantages of Actively Managed Funds:
Higher Costs: Higher expense ratios due to active management and research costs.
Manager Risk: Performance depends on the manager’s skill and decision-making.
Inconsistent Performance: Not all actively managed funds consistently outperform their benchmarks.
Recommendation
For long-term investors looking for simplicity and lower costs, index funds and ETFs are attractive options. However, if you seek potentially higher returns and are willing to pay higher fees, actively managed funds might be more suitable. Here’s a suggested approach:

Index Funds/ETFs for Core Portfolio: Use index funds or ETFs to build the core of your portfolio for broad market exposure.

Actively Managed Funds for High Growth: Allocate a portion to well-performing actively managed funds for higher return potential.

Fund of Funds for Convenience: If you prefer a hands-off approach with broad diversification, consider FoFs.

Conclusion
Investing in index funds, ETFs, or FoFs each has its pros and cons. While index funds and ETFs offer cost efficiency and simplicity, actively managed funds can provide higher returns at a higher cost. Diversifying your investments across these options can help balance risk and return. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi
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Hi, me n my husband makes around 5lacs a month. We have invested in mf ,hdfc defence ,icic asset allocator ,kotak pioneer ,hdfc small cap Of our 20% income. I would like to add index fund to our portfolio ,please share some tips for same.
Ans: Firstly, it's essential to understand your current financial standing. Your income, expenses, liabilities, and long-term goals play vital roles in shaping your investment strategy.

Analyzing Investment Options

Let's explore various investment options to diversify your portfolio and mitigate risk while aiming for optimal returns.

Mutual Funds: Actively Managed Funds for Growth

Mutual funds offer diversified portfolios managed by professionals. Actively managed funds provide the potential for higher returns through expert stock selection and strategic decisions.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

While index funds offer lower costs and track market performance, they lack the potential for outperformance. Actively managed funds adapt to market conditions, potentially yielding superior returns.

Benefits of Investing Through MFD with CFP Credential

Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential provides personalized guidance and portfolio management. This ensures optimized returns and effective risk management.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds have lower expense ratios but require thorough research and monitoring. Investing through an MFD with a CFP ensures professional guidance, optimizing returns and managing risks effectively.

Alternative Investment Avenues

Apart from mutual funds, other investment avenues include stocks, bonds, gold, and real estate. Each option carries its unique risks and rewards, requiring careful consideration based on your risk appetite and financial objectives.

Conclusion

In conclusion, investing wisely is crucial for long-term financial success. By diversifying your portfolio across various investment avenues and seeking professional guidance, you can effectively manage risk and maximize returns. Remember, consistency and discipline are key to achieving your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 13, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir, I wish to invest in following MF 1. Tata or UTI nifty 50 index fund . G 2. HDFC focused 30 G 3. Mahindra Manulife multicap Or Nippon multicap..G 4. Motilal Oswal mid cap. Each will have 2.5 L investment Amt. Kindly advise Thanks..
Ans: You are considering investing Rs 2.5 lakh in four different mutual funds. This includes a mix of index funds, focused funds, multi-cap funds, and mid-cap funds. I appreciate your thoughtful selection, but it’s essential to evaluate the pros and cons before proceeding.

In this analysis, I will give you a professional yet simple overview of each type of fund. Let's ensure that your choices align with your financial goals.

1. Index Funds: Pros and Cons
You’ve mentioned the Tata or UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund. Index funds, as you know, passively track an index like the Nifty 50. While this may seem like a safe option, there are some points you need to consider:

Advantages:
Low-cost option.

Simple to understand and follow as it mirrors the index.

Decent long-term growth potential.

Disadvantages:
Lack of flexibility: Index funds follow the market. If the index doesn’t perform well, neither will your investment. This limits returns compared to actively managed funds.
No risk management: Index funds cannot switch away from underperforming sectors.
Miss out on opportunities: Actively managed funds can offer superior returns by taking advantage of market opportunities.
Since actively managed funds offer better flexibility and potential for higher returns, I would recommend focusing on actively managed funds instead of index funds.

2. Focused Funds: A Balanced Approach
You’re considering investing in HDFC Focused 30 Fund. Focused funds invest in a limited number of stocks, typically around 20-30. This allows fund managers to focus on high-conviction ideas.

Advantages:
Potential for high returns: With a limited portfolio, focused funds can give significant returns if the chosen stocks perform well.

Concentration of best ideas: Fund managers can pick the top-performing companies.

Disadvantages:
Higher risk: Because the portfolio is concentrated, if a few stocks perform poorly, it can significantly impact returns.

Volatility: These funds can experience higher fluctuations due to limited diversification.

Focused funds are ideal if you’re willing to take moderate risk. They balance high returns with some risk. Since your portfolio includes emergency funds and insurance, this could be a reasonable choice.

3. Multi-Cap Funds: Balanced Exposure to Large, Mid, and Small Caps
You mentioned either the Mahindra Manulife Multicap or Nippon Multicap Fund. Multicap funds offer exposure across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, providing diversification.

Advantages:
Diversification: These funds reduce risk by investing across the spectrum of large, mid, and small-cap stocks.

Flexibility: Fund managers can shift allocations based on market conditions.

Disadvantages:
Risk in small and mid-cap: Although these funds invest in large caps, the exposure to mid and small caps adds an element of risk.

Performance varies: Depending on market conditions, these funds can underperform if small or mid-caps don’t do well.

Multi-cap funds are an excellent choice for a balanced approach. They give you exposure to all segments of the market, allowing you to benefit from growth in different sectors. However, there’s moderate risk involved.

4. Mid-Cap Funds: High Growth, High Risk
Finally, you’ve considered investing in Motilal Oswal Mid Cap Fund. Mid-cap funds focus on mid-sized companies, which are often in the growth stage.

Advantages:
High growth potential: Mid-caps have higher growth potential compared to large caps.

Diversification across industries: Mid-cap companies come from diverse sectors, providing broader market exposure.

Disadvantages:
Higher volatility: Mid-cap stocks are more volatile than large caps. They can offer high returns but may experience significant fluctuations.

Market dependency: Mid-caps tend to underperform during market downturns, which increases risk.

Mid-cap funds are suitable if you are looking for long-term growth and are comfortable with higher risk. Since your portfolio includes a good mix of other funds, this could be a good growth-oriented addition.

Evaluating Your Overall Portfolio
Balanced diversification: Your portfolio contains a combination of mid-cap, multi-cap, and focused funds. This creates a balanced exposure across different market segments.

Risk assessment: The inclusion of mid-cap and focused funds indicates that you’re willing to take moderate to higher risks. However, avoid over-exposure to mid-caps, as they can be volatile in the short term.

Long-term growth potential: Each fund type offers strong long-term potential, especially with the exposure to mid and multi-cap segments. You’re positioned well for growth over the next 10-15 years.

Recommendations for Improvement
Here are a few suggestions to optimise your portfolio further:

Avoid over-reliance on index funds: As mentioned earlier, actively managed funds may offer better returns. You may want to replace the index fund with a large-cap fund managed by an experienced fund manager.

Review portfolio regularly: It’s essential to review and rebalance your portfolio regularly. This ensures your investments remain aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Consider goal-specific investments: While your portfolio appears diversified, it’s essential to allocate funds specifically for long-term goals like retirement or your child’s education. Make sure your investments match your risk tolerance and time horizon.

Tax Efficiency and Growth
Another critical factor is the tax efficiency of your investments. Mutual funds, especially equity-oriented ones, are tax-efficient compared to fixed deposits and other bank-based savings instruments. The long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% beyond Rs 1.25 lakh of gains, making them a better option for long-term wealth creation.

By investing Rs 2.5 lakh in each fund, you’re making a decent start. However, don’t forget to review tax implications annually to minimise liabilities and maximise growth.

Final Insights
In summary, your portfolio looks strong with a mix of equity funds targeting growth. However, I suggest replacing the index fund with an actively managed large-cap fund to optimise returns. Continue monitoring your investments regularly and ensure your asset allocation is aligned with your financial goals. With proper planning and regular reviews, your portfolio can help you achieve long-term financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Money
Sir i am investing in follwing manner in mutual funds please suggest me in this regard 1 ICICI blue chip direct growth for Rs 1000 2 ICICI nifty fifty index fund for RS 1000 3 Nippon india multy cap for Rs 1000 4 Nippon india small cap for Rs 1000 5 Quant small cap for RS 1000 6 motilal oswal mid cap for Rs 1000 7 hdfc oppurtunities mid cap for Rs1000 8 quant mid cap for Rs 1000 9 parag parik flexi cap for Rs2000 10 hdfc flexi cap for Rs 2000 11 JM flexi cap for rs 2000 12 Quant flexi cap for Rs 2000 My invsestment horizon s Is 10 to 12 years , Please suggest any rebalancing is required
Ans: You've built a diversified mutual fund portfolio across multiple categories and fund houses, which is commendable. Let’s review this structure to ensure it aligns with your goals and maximises growth potential for your 10-12 year horizon.

In the following suggestions, I’ll focus on streamlining your portfolio for balanced growth, minimising overlap, and optimising returns.

Review of Current Portfolio Structure
Your portfolio spans several categories, including large-cap, index, mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds. While this diversification reduces risk, it may also lead to redundancy and portfolio overlap. Let’s evaluate each category:

Large-Cap: Provides stability and moderate growth.

Mid-Cap and Small-Cap: Offers higher growth potential but comes with more volatility.

Flexi-Cap: Adds flexibility, allowing fund managers to adjust holdings based on market conditions.

Index Fund: Index funds often carry lower costs but may underperform actively managed funds over time.

Analysis of Each Fund Category and Suggested Adjustments
1. Large-Cap Funds
Current Investment: Rs 1,000 in ICICI Bluechip Fund (Direct Growth).

Assessment: A large-cap fund adds stability to the portfolio, which is beneficial.

Suggested Action: Continue with this allocation, as large-cap funds provide balanced growth and less volatility.

2. Index Fund
Current Investment: Rs 1,000 in ICICI Nifty Fifty Index Fund.

Assessment: Index funds may offer stable returns but lack active fund management benefits. Actively managed funds typically outperform index funds in the long run, especially for a 10-12 year horizon.

Suggested Action: Consider switching this allocation to an actively managed large-cap or flexi-cap fund. Actively managed funds provide potential for enhanced returns with the support of skilled fund managers.

3. Mid-Cap Funds
Current Investment: Rs 3,000 (split across Motilal Oswal Mid Cap, HDFC Opportunities Mid Cap, and Quant Mid Cap).

Assessment: While mid-cap funds offer growth, holding three funds within the same category may create overlap. Mid-cap funds can be volatile but generally perform well in the long term.

Suggested Action: Consider consolidating to two funds within this category. Reducing overlap allows for easier tracking and reduces redundant exposure. Continue with HDFC Opportunities and one other mid-cap fund of your choice.

4. Small-Cap Funds
Current Investment: Rs 2,000 (Rs 1,000 each in Nippon India Small Cap and Quant Small Cap).

Assessment: Small-cap funds have high growth potential but also high risk. Limiting to one small-cap fund can manage risk more effectively, especially as the portfolio already has mid-cap exposure.

Suggested Action: Consolidate to one small-cap fund. Select the fund that has consistently performed well and aligns with your risk tolerance.

5. Flexi-Cap Funds
Current Investment: Rs 8,000 (allocated across Parag Parikh Flexi Cap, HDFC Flexi Cap, JM Flexi Cap, and Quant Flexi Cap).

Assessment: Flexi-cap funds are a good choice for your investment horizon, as they allow fund managers to adjust between large-, mid-, and small-cap stocks. However, having four funds in this category may lead to redundancy.

Suggested Action: Narrow down to two or three flexi-cap funds. This streamlines your portfolio and reduces tracking complexity.

Recommended Portfolio Structure for a Balanced, Growth-Oriented Approach
After the above adjustments, here’s a suggested rebalancing strategy:

Large-Cap Funds: Maintain your allocation in ICICI Bluechip. Large-cap stability is crucial for a well-rounded portfolio.

Flexi-Cap Funds: Retain Parag Parikh Flexi Cap and one or two others of your choice. Flexi-caps should form a significant portion, as they offer the flexibility to adjust across market caps.

Mid-Cap Funds: Retain two mid-cap funds for growth potential. HDFC Opportunities Mid Cap and one other mid-cap fund should be sufficient.

Small-Cap Funds: Retain one small-cap fund for high growth potential. Select the one that best suits your risk tolerance.

Benefits of This Streamlined Approach
A simplified portfolio offers multiple benefits for long-term wealth creation:

Reduced Overlap: Minimising fund overlap reduces redundant exposure within the same asset class. This makes your portfolio more efficient.

Enhanced Returns: Actively managed funds in flexi-cap and large-cap categories are likely to yield better returns over time than index funds.

Easier Management: Fewer funds mean easier tracking and management. A simplified portfolio enables regular reviews without added complexity.

Taxation Awareness for Mutual Funds
Understanding taxation helps in planning withdrawals and tax savings effectively.

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab, which can impact post-tax returns.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: Plan withdrawals strategically to minimise taxes and maximise returns. A Certified Financial Planner can guide on the tax-efficient withdrawal approach.

Final Insights
Your diversified portfolio shows a good approach towards growth. With a few adjustments, it can become more streamlined and focused on high returns. Aim for a balance of stability and growth with carefully chosen large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

A well-maintained portfolio with annual reviews, consolidation, and tax-aware strategies will bring you closer to achieving your financial goals.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
i remarried(prior widow)(39),took my daughter(14) along in this new marriage, now i hv a daughter(7) from this marriage, its been 8 years now,my husband keeps fighting on money as i am a homemaker now,as there is no one to look after, we are from different caste, thus he fights on food preparation too,we had agreed before marriage,that if his mum looks after the future kid i m willing to work, but that did not happen,he is extremely fussy about some foods and likes only few veggies or preparations,but is open when mom makes,thus he does not even take tiffin,i dont understand what should i do,he keeps on taunting on previous life,as my 1st husband was not earning,thus i used to go,now as there is no one to look after i told him,as he earns well, there is no need for me to go for a job,but he is insisting,i receive partial rent from my dads property,which i pay part rent and he pays part,he pays for food,his home loan SIP. i dont understand what is the problem,my daughter is not ready for babysitting,she gets upset.i always ask him what should i prepare today,he fights on that too, i just want to make what he likes.plz help
Ans: Your husband’s constant complaints about food, money, and your past are not just hurtful — they reflect deeper issues of control and emotional insensitivity. He is disregarding the fact that you are raising two daughters, trying to maintain harmony in the house, and even contributing part of the rent from your own limited resources. Your life before this marriage is being used against you unfairly, when in truth, that part of your journey made you stronger and more committed.

The truth is, this is no longer just about whether you work or not. It’s about feeling disrespected, dismissed, and unheard. You’ve tried to care — asking him what he’d like to eat, trying to avoid conflict, even putting aside your comfort to please him. And yet, he continues to find fault. That is not a reflection of your failure, but rather of his emotional disconnect and unwillingness to meet you halfway.

Right now, what you need most is clarity. If he insists on you working, the caregiving arrangement has to be revisited — he can’t expect you to work outside and carry all the home responsibilities without support. And more than that, he needs to recognize that partnership means sharing respect, not just finances. You can try to have a calm conversation where you tell him honestly how you’re feeling — not to blame, but to express how deeply this is affecting your emotional health and your ability to feel safe and valued in your own home.

If he’s not open to listening, you may need to consider involving a neutral third party like a family counselor. You do not have to fight this battle alone, nor should you carry the entire burden of the relationship.

You deserve more than just being tolerated — you deserve care, respect, and peace.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
M 51 and she is 23 we met in office, we came up with relationship not totally of having sex but as attraction turned into love so many time like we kiss hug and caress each other but in My mind never thought about to have sex and sometimes she also was eager to have sex but she also denied later in office many of them had doubt of our relationship so some brain washed her mind and now she wants to end and she told me to discontinue as ahe factory and marriage can't be done as I m married with one kid, as also she has fear of her mother and family, ahe sometime says I got married and even now she wll get married to someone but end of this relationship but My feelings of truly love hurts me and I feel should I call her once and have sex so she will not think about ending relationship till marriage but My mind says it's wrong as I truly love her, what should I do to make her to stay or be with me as till she get married pls suggest I m in truly love can't able to sleep and too much stress became in My mind
Ans: First, she is 23 — very young, still forming her identity and values. You're 51, already married with a child. The relationship started in the context of attraction and care, but it now exists in a space of emotional imbalance and fear — not trust or possibility. She's not ending it because she doesn’t care about you; she's stepping back because she’s afraid of the consequences, societal pressure, and perhaps even the future she knows cannot unfold the way either of you may have wished.

You’re feeling pain and longing, and that’s human. But trying to convince her to stay by suggesting physical intimacy — especially when you yourself feel it’s not right — will only deepen the emotional conflict and guilt for both of you. Love doesn’t hold someone back just so we don’t feel the pain of their absence. True love honors freedom, even when it hurts.

Right now, the kindest thing you can do — for yourself and for her — is to accept that the relationship has reached a natural closure, however painful it may be. It’s not failure. It’s a sign that both of you must now return to your own paths.

If the emotional stress is unbearable — your sleep is affected, your thoughts are heavy — you may truly benefit from talking to a therapist or emotional wellness coach. Not because you’re weak, but because you deserve to heal in a healthy way.

You don't need to erase the love or the memories. But you do need to release the idea that you must hold on to her to keep yourself from breaking. You are capable of moving through this with dignity, and you deserve peace.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Inam finding difficulty to get second marriage after my first marriage ended in divorce. I am 39 year female. Please suggest ways to get a good companion how to choose at this age and also I am looking guy with no issues/children and within same community which I belong.
Ans: First, be clear within yourself about what you truly seek — not just "no past baggage" but also shared values, lifestyle compatibility, emotional maturity, and a sense of peace when you're with him. You’re not just choosing a partner — you’re choosing a future that aligns with the person you’ve grown into.

Since you are specific about the community and the absence of children from a previous marriage, you may need to be strategic but open in where you look. Along with trusted matrimonial platforms (you may try both community-based ones and modern curated matchmaking services), also let friends or extended family you trust know that you’re open to exploring proposals — sometimes word-of-mouth alliances bring surprisingly good connections.

While choosing, don’t just assess background or profession — give time to observe his emotional depth, communication style, respect for your past, and how he responds to small differences or stress. These are the real foundations for peace and partnership.

Also, give yourself permission to set boundaries without guilt. You are not obligated to compromise your standards just because it’s a second marriage or because of age. You deserve companionship, not adjustment.

And perhaps most importantly, don’t let societal timelines cloud your confidence. You are 39, not late — just clearer than before. Be honest, hopeful, and patient with yourself.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 20 yrs old female studying Btech from a prestigious institute. I am in relationship with a guy, 24 yrs old and is in central psu..However he has said that he cannot commit me a future now as his parents are strict about caste..and I don't belong to the same caste as his.. However, both of us want to continue the relationship..he has asked me to wait and said that he will try to convince his parents..but he hasn't done that yet..should I ask him to talk to his parents? But Im afraid that would make our relationship bitter, or should I breakup because it kind of Feels like he is not quite ready to discuss the matter with his parents...also I feel like I'm too young to bother regarding such a matter..but this thing disturbs the peace of my mind..I'm clueless...please suggest something
Ans: Right now, the biggest conflict is between what your heart wants and what reality is offering. You care for someone who says he loves you, yet isn’t ready to take a stand — not because he doesn’t care, but because he's afraid of upsetting his parents. That fear is real, but so is your need for clarity, emotional safety, and respect.

It’s absolutely fair for you to ask where things are headed. Waiting endlessly without a timeline or real effort can lead to quiet heartbreak. You don’t have to demand a marriage proposal, but you do deserve honesty — is he planning to talk to his parents? When? What’s his plan if they disapprove?

You are not too young to feel disturbed — love always stirs the heart, at any age. But you’re wise to ask whether this situation is serving your peace of mind. And here's the truth: if you have to keep silencing your needs to keep the relationship going, it will slowly empty you.

Have one clear, calm conversation with him. Let him know you’re not pushing for guarantees, but you need to know whether he's willing to try — and not just "someday." If he avoids, delays, or sidesteps again, it’s okay to take a step back. You’re not punishing him — you're protecting your future self.

And if part of you already knows he may never be ready, it’s okay to move forward. You’re 20, with a long, vibrant life ahead. Don’t let fear of loss keep you from choosing peace.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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