Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Worried about Quitting your Job at 48: Will 60 Lakh + 30K SIP + Other Investments Generate Enough?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6956 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Vivek Question by Vivek on Oct 28, 2024Hindi
Money

Hello Sir I am Vivek & 43 Year OLD , I have corpus of 60 Lac & SIP of 30K ,Gold Asset 10Lac ,PF : 10 Lac ,Home loan: 7 lac going on .LIC & Term Plans are there Not considered as Investment I invested 30 Lac as below Small Cap 4,00,000 13% Flexi cap 4,00,000 13% Multi Cap 5,00,000 17% Large Cap 1,50,000 5% Large MID CAP 2,00,000 7% Mid cap 3,50,000 12% Sector Fund 6,80,000 22% Value Fund 3,50,000 12% Also started SIP of 30500 As 1]Nippon Small Cap -7000 2] HSBC Multi CAp-3000 3] Mahindra Manu Mid CAp - 4000 4] Motilal Oswal Mid Cap : 3000 5] 4] Motilal Oswal Large & Mid Cap : 3000 5] HDFC Defence Fund :5000 6]ICICI Prudential PSU Equity Fund -3000 6] Axis Value Fund - 2500 7] PPF -4000 What will be corpus after 5 years ,will it be sufficient if I Quit Job by 48 ,Monthly Expenses is 60K PM

Ans: Vivek, at 43, you have a clear goal of retiring by 48 with a current corpus of Rs 60 lakh. With a monthly SIP of Rs 30,500 and additional investments, let’s assess your path towards an adequate retirement corpus that can support Rs 60,000 in monthly expenses. I’ll outline a 360-degree plan to help you achieve this comfortably.

1. Assessing Your Current Investment Portfolio
Your investments are well-diversified across various mutual fund categories. Let’s evaluate the structure and consider ways to optimise it for stability and growth in the coming years.

Existing Mutual Fund Allocation: Your portfolio includes small-cap, flexi-cap, multi-cap, large-cap, mid-cap, sector, and value funds. This variety offers growth potential, though certain allocations may expose you to higher volatility.

Sector Fund Allocation: With 22% of your portfolio in sector-specific funds, there’s a higher risk if the sector underperforms. A more balanced approach, reducing sectoral exposure, could enhance stability while maintaining growth.

Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds: Actively managed funds are crucial for your goals. They provide the expertise of fund managers who aim to outperform market returns, offering a better chance of reaching your targets compared to index funds, which simply replicate the index.

Regular Funds Over Direct Funds: Regular funds allow guidance from a Certified Financial Planner, offering value through expert recommendations. Direct funds, while saving on commissions, lack professional insights, which can impact long-term returns.

2. Evaluating Your SIPs for Better Returns
Your monthly SIP of Rs 30,500 is thoughtfully allocated but has room for fine-tuning. Let’s align your SIPs towards an optimal balance of growth and risk.

Small and Mid-Cap Exposure: You’re investing Rs 7,000 in small-cap and Rs 7,000 in mid-cap funds. This adds a growth-oriented component but may carry more risk. As you’re nearing retirement, consider a slight shift towards funds with lower volatility.

Sectoral and PSU Equity Funds: Rs 5,000 and Rs 3,000 in these funds provide focused exposure. While they offer high growth potential, they also carry sector-specific risks. Diversifying into multi-cap or hybrid funds can help reduce concentrated risk.

PPF Contribution: Your Rs 4,000 monthly investment in PPF ensures stable, tax-free growth. This is a great choice for risk-free, long-term compounding.

3. Projecting Your Retirement Corpus in Five Years
With your existing corpus, SIPs, and other assets, let’s look at potential growth over the next five years. While returns vary, a balanced growth estimate can help us assess if your corpus can meet post-retirement needs.

Corpus Growth Potential: Assuming a moderate rate of growth, your current corpus and ongoing SIPs could expand significantly by the age of 48. This growth will help create a reliable base for regular income.

Targeting Monthly Withdrawals: If the accumulated corpus reaches the desired level, you can set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP). With an SWP, you can withdraw a steady monthly income while letting the remaining funds continue to grow.

4. Managing the Home Loan and Debt Reduction
With a current home loan balance of Rs 7 lakh, paying it off before retirement would help reduce financial strain.

Focus on Accelerated Repayment: Consider diverting any surplus income toward loan repayment. Clearing the loan early lowers monthly obligations and adds peace of mind in retirement.

Debt-Free Security: Being debt-free at retirement simplifies financial planning, allowing you to focus solely on generating income from investments.

5. Optimising Insurance and Protection Plans
Your LIC and term plans are a great start, providing essential coverage for your family’s security.

Evaluating Insurance Needs: Review your life cover to ensure it aligns with your family’s needs, especially since it’s not considered part of your investment.

Avoid Investment-Linked Insurance: ULIPs and endowment policies often have high fees and lower returns. Focus on pure term insurance, which gives high coverage for low premiums.

6. Building a Contingency Fund in Liquid Assets
An emergency fund is crucial, particularly as you approach early retirement.

Liquid Mutual Funds: Consider placing 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in liquid mutual funds. These funds offer easy access, higher returns than savings accounts, and low risk.

Bank Fixed Deposits: Keep a part of your emergency fund in fixed deposits for stability. Bank FDs are a secure way to park funds for short-term access.

7. Tax Planning for Mutual Fund Gains
As mutual funds gain in value, efficient tax planning can help optimise returns. New mutual fund tax rules apply to both equity and debt funds.

Equity Fund Taxation: For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains over Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains incur a 20% tax. Planning your withdrawals carefully can reduce tax liability.

Debt Fund Taxation: Both long-term and short-term gains in debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab. Minimising withdrawals from debt funds can help you avoid higher tax impacts.

8. Projecting Monthly Expenses and Income Stability
With monthly expenses estimated at Rs 60,000, you’ll need reliable income sources to cover costs without eroding your corpus.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): An SWP in mutual funds offers consistent income, helping meet monthly expenses. This approach ensures a steady flow while letting the remaining corpus grow.

Diversified Income Streams: Alongside SWP, consider interest from PPF and dividend income from mutual funds to support your monthly needs. This blend ensures more predictable income streams.

9. Planning for Inflation and Lifestyle Adjustments
Inflation is a critical factor for long-term retirement planning. While Rs 60,000 meets your needs today, it may rise in the future.

Increase SIP Gradually: Boosting your SIP by 5-10% each year will help combat inflation, especially with longer life expectancy and rising healthcare costs.

Adjust Expenses Over Time: After retirement, periodic budgeting can help you adjust to changing costs. This planning is especially useful for healthcare and lifestyle expenses.

10. Final Insights
Your plan to retire by 48 is achievable with careful adjustments. Strengthening debt-free, liquid assets, and tax-efficient withdrawals will support you well.

Streamlining your portfolio and focusing on actively managed funds will provide optimal growth. Stay vigilant with insurance needs and build a flexible emergency fund.

Increasing SIPs, managing inflation, and an SWP will ensure sustainable income. Re-evaluate your portfolio regularly to keep it aligned with your goals and risk tolerance.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6956 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Money
Hello Sir I am Vivek & 43 Year OLD , I have corpus of 60 Lac & SIP of 30K ,Gold Asset 10Lac ,PF : 10 Lac ,Home loan: 7 lac going on .LIC & Term Plans are there Not considered as Investment I invested 30 Lac as below Small Cap 4,00,000 13% Flexi cap 4,00,000 13% Multi Cap 5,00,000 17% Large Cap 1,50,000 5% Large MID CAP 2,00,000 7% Mid cap 3,50,000 12% Sector Fund 6,80,000 22% Value Fund 3,50,000 12% Also started SIP of 30500 As 1]Nippon Small Cap -7000 2] HSBC Multi CAp-3000 3] Mahindra Manu Mid CAp - 4000 4] Motilal Oswal Mid Cap : 3000 5] 4] Motilal Oswal Large & Mid Cap : 3000 5] HDFC Defence Fund :5000 6]ICICI Prudential PSU Equity Fund -3000 6] Axis Value Fund - 2500 7] PPF -4000 What will be corpus after 5 years ,will it be sufficient if I Quit Job by 48 ,Monthly Expenses is 60K PM
Ans: Vivek’s Financial Health Evaluation
Age: 43 years
Retirement Goal: Planning to retire at 48 years
Monthly Expenses: Rs 60,000

Current Financial Assets Overview:

Corpus: Rs 60 Lakhs
SIP: Rs 30,500/month
Gold Assets: Rs 10 Lakhs
PF (Provident Fund): Rs 10 Lakhs
Home Loan: Rs 7 Lakhs (Liability)
Insurance: LIC & Term Plans (not considered as investments)
Your existing corpus and monthly SIP contributions indicate that you’ve been a disciplined investor. However, the decision to quit your job by the age of 48 requires a thorough assessment to ensure your financial independence.

Assessing Your Current Asset Allocation:
You've allocated Rs 30 Lakhs into various mutual fund schemes, which represent a diversified portfolio. Here's a quick breakdown of your investments:

Small Cap: Rs 4,00,000 (13%)
Flexi Cap: Rs 4,00,000 (13%)
Multi Cap: Rs 5,00,000 (17%)
Large Cap: Rs 1,50,000 (5%)
Large & Mid Cap: Rs 2,00,000 (7%)
Mid Cap: Rs 3,50,000 (12%)
Sector Fund: Rs 6,80,000 (22%)
Value Fund: Rs 3,50,000 (12%)
Your portfolio is largely well-diversified, with a healthy mix of market caps. However, sector funds and mid-to-small-cap allocations seem quite aggressive, especially as you approach your desired retirement timeline of 5 years.

Review of Your SIP Investments:
Your ongoing SIPs of Rs 30,500 per month show a good focus on wealth accumulation. Below is a review:

Small Cap SIP: Rs 7,000
Multi Cap SIP: Rs 3,000
Mid Cap SIP: Rs 7,000 (split between Mahindra and Motilal Oswal)
Large & Mid Cap SIP: Rs 3,000
Sector Fund SIP (HDFC Defence): Rs 5,000
PSU Equity Fund: Rs 3,000
Value Fund SIP: Rs 2,500
PPF: Rs 4,000
Your SIP portfolio is well-spread across small-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds. However, you should review the sector-specific funds. They tend to be high-risk and may not suit your risk profile as you near retirement. Rebalancing towards more stable investments like large-cap funds and balanced funds would ensure that market volatility doesn’t affect your retirement corpus significantly.

Corpus After 5 Years:
Assuming moderate growth and considering the volatility in mid-cap, small-cap, and sector funds, your portfolio may generate decent returns. However, it is important to factor in:

Market Conditions: Your current portfolio is skewed towards high-risk assets like small caps and sector funds. While they offer good returns in bullish markets, they can be volatile during market corrections.

Inflation: With an inflation rate of 5-6%, the purchasing power of your money will reduce over time. Your monthly expenses of Rs 60,000 today may increase to Rs 80,000 or more in the next 5 years.

A conservative estimate for your corpus growth could be in the range of Rs 1.3 to Rs 1.5 crores, depending on market conditions. Your SIPs, with a steady contribution, will play a crucial role in adding to your retirement corpus.

Is This Sufficient to Quit Your Job by 48?
Let’s break this down based on your retirement goal and expenses:

Current Monthly Expenses: Rs 60,000
Estimated Monthly Expenses in 5 Years (due to inflation): Rs 80,000+
If you plan to live on Rs 80,000 per month for, say, 30 years post-retirement, you'll need a significant corpus. Even with Rs 1.5 crores, it may not be sufficient to cover all your expenses and emergencies without further income streams.

Debt Management:
You still have a home loan of Rs 7 lakhs. Clearing off this loan before retirement would be ideal, as it reduces a fixed outgoing liability. Additionally, you must factor in other potential future liabilities, such as your children's higher education, weddings, and health expenses.

Rebalancing Your Portfolio:
Sector Funds: You’ve allocated a high proportion (22%) in sector-specific funds. Sector funds are high-risk, and if the sector underperforms, your returns can be affected drastically. It would be prudent to reduce exposure to these funds and reallocate to more stable and diversified categories.

Small Cap and Mid Cap Funds: While small caps can provide higher returns, they are also highly volatile. Reducing your exposure to small caps and increasing allocation to large-cap funds will give more stability to your portfolio.

PPF and PF Contributions: Continue your contributions towards PF and PPF. These are safe investments that provide consistent, tax-free returns. This will act as your safety net during market downturns.

Balanced Approach: Shift a portion of your corpus towards more balanced funds or hybrid funds. This will ensure that a portion of your investments is safeguarded in debt instruments, providing some downside protection.

Gold and Other Assets:
You have Rs 10 lakhs invested in gold. Gold typically serves as a hedge against inflation and market downturns, but it doesn’t generate regular income. You can consider maintaining this allocation but avoid increasing your gold investments further.

Insurance and Health Considerations:
You mentioned having LIC and term plans, which provide life coverage. Make sure your health insurance is adequate, especially as medical expenses can increase significantly in the later stages of life.

Health Insurance: Ensure that both you and your wife have comprehensive health insurance that covers major ailments and hospitalisation expenses.
Final Insights:
Based on the current scenario, quitting your job at 48 may not be ideal unless your expenses can be reduced significantly. You may want to consider continuing work for a few more years to:

Increase your retirement corpus.
Clear off your home loan.
Build a larger safety net for future expenses like health and children’s weddings.
Additionally, you should reassess your portfolio allocation and reduce exposure to high-risk funds such as small-cap and sector-specific funds. A more balanced portfolio will safeguard your wealth, ensuring a steady and comfortable retirement.

You’re on the right path, and with some tweaks, you’ll be in a better position to enjoy a financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6956 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 02, 2024

Listen
Money
Hello Sir I am Vivek & 43 Year OLD , I have corpus of 60 Lac & SIP of 30K ,Gold Asset 10Lac ,PF : 10 Lac ,Home loan: 7 lac going on .LIC & Term Plans are there Not considered as Investment I invested 30 Lac as below Small Cap 4,00,000 13% Flexi cap 4,00,000 13% Multi Cap 5,00,000 17% Large Cap 1,50,000 5% Large MID CAP 2,00,000 7% Mid cap 3,50,000 12% Sector Fund 6,80,000 22% Value Fund 3,50,000 12% Also started SIP of 30500 As 1]Nippon Small Cap -7000 2] HSBC Multi CAp-3000 3] Mahindra Manu Mid CAp - 4000 4] Motilal Oswal Mid Cap : 3000 5] 4] Motilal Oswal Large & Mid Cap : 3000 5] HDFC Defence Fund :5000 6]ICICI Prudential PSU Equity Fund -3000 6] Axis Value Fund - 2500 7] PPF -4000 What will be corpus after 5 years ,will it be sufficient if I Quit Job by 48 ,Monthly Expenses is 60K PM
Ans: Your current asset allocation across various mutual fund categories is well-diversified. However, some adjustments could optimise growth potential while aligning with your early retirement goal.

1. Mutual Fund Investments (Rs 30 Lakh)

Sector Fund Exposure: Your sector fund investment is 22% of your mutual fund portfolio. Sector funds tend to be volatile due to sector-specific risks. Consider reducing this to around 10-15% for stability.

Small Cap and Mid Cap Funds: These funds offer high growth potential but come with greater risks. Keep an eye on these as they can fluctuate significantly, especially during market downturns.

Balanced Focus on Multi Cap and Flexi Cap Funds: Your allocation to multi cap and flexi cap funds is commendable, as these can offer stability with growth potential.

Large Cap Allocation: Only 5% of your portfolio is in large-cap funds, which are generally more stable. Increasing this to 10-15% can help balance volatility.

2. Monthly SIPs (Rs 30,500)

Allocation to Small Cap and Mid Cap Funds: Allocating Rs 7,000 to small-cap funds and Rs 7,000 to mid-cap funds is high. Ensure this risk aligns with your retirement timeline.

Exposure to Sector-Specific Funds: HDFC Defence Fund and ICICI Prudential PSU Equity Fund may provide growth, but sector-specific funds can underperform during economic shifts. It’s wise to limit sector exposure within your SIP.

Consistent SIP in Multi Cap Funds: SIP in multi cap and value funds through trusted AMCs is good for long-term stability.

Gold and PF for Portfolio Stability
1. Gold Assets (Rs 10 Lakh)

Gold serves as a hedge against inflation and economic downturns. Keeping this allocation is wise but avoid over-investing in gold as it typically has slower growth compared to equity.
2. Provident Fund (Rs 10 Lakh)

Your PF provides stability and steady growth. Ensure continued PF contributions if possible, as this can offer a reliable corpus by the time you retire.
Home Loan Status and LIC Policy Insights
1. Home Loan (Rs 7 Lakh Outstanding)

With a remaining balance of Rs 7 lakh, consider paying off this loan if the interest rate is higher than your investment returns. Paying off debt can also provide a sense of financial relief as you approach early retirement.
2. LIC Policies

Traditional LIC policies often yield lower returns compared to mutual funds. Consider surrendering endowment or money-back policies if possible and redirecting these funds into mutual funds. However, keep your term plan active for life cover.
Estimating Your Retirement Corpus and Monthly Expenses
To sustain Rs 60,000 per month post-retirement at 48, a well-diversified portfolio with growth potential is essential. Assuming modest returns, your investments may grow, but additional savings may be required to ensure financial stability until old age.

Target Corpus: Aim to build a retirement corpus of around Rs 1.5 crore by 48. This can provide income stability given your expenses.

Supplementary Income Sources: Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) from mutual funds or dividend-paying funds could generate monthly cash flow. Additionally, rental income from property can be a viable income stream if possible.

Final Insights
To strengthen your financial position for early retirement:

Review Sector Exposure: Limit investments in sector funds to balance risk.

Increase Large Cap Allocation: Allocate more to large caps for stability.

Consider Home Loan Repayment: Reduce debt burden for post-retirement peace.

Reassess LIC Policies: Evaluate returns on LIC policies and shift to mutual funds if feasible.

A balanced portfolio with careful risk management can help you retire comfortably by 48. Monitoring and adjusting your asset allocation every 6-12 months will ensure alignment with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Listen
Money
Hello Madam I am Vivek & 43 Year OLD , I have corpus of 60 Lac & SIP of 30K ,Gold Asset 10Lac ,PF : 10 Lac ,Home loan: 7 lac going on .LIC & Term Plans are there Not considered as Investment I invested 30 Lac as below Small Cap 4,00,000 13% Flexi cap 4,00,000 13% Multi Cap 5,00,000 17% Large Cap 1,50,000 5% Large MID CAP 2,00,000 7% Mid cap 3,50,000 12% Sector Fund 6,80,000 22% Value Fund 3,50,000 12% Also started SIP of 30500 As 1]Nippon Small Cap -7000 2] HSBC Multi CAp-3000 3] Mahindra Manu Mid CAp - 4000 4] Motilal Oswal Mid Cap : 3000 5] 4] Motilal Oswal Large & Mid Cap : 3000 5] HDFC Defence Fund :5000 6]ICICI Prudential PSU Equity Fund -3000 6] Axis Value Fund - 2500 7] PPF -4000 What will be corpus after 5 years ,will it be sufficient if I Quit Job by 48 ,Monthly Expenses is 60K PM
Ans: Hello;

Your monthly expenses of 60 K will be around 80 K in 5 years from now considering 6% inflation.

Further your sip sum, corpus sum, lumpsum investment, gold holding, pf holding will yield you a cumulative corpus of 2.13 Cr after 5 years.

If you use this sum to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company you may expect to receive a monthly income of around 90K (post-tax).

LIC policy maturity proceeds, if any, and PPF(you should continue as long as possible) will be surplus.

Hope the home loan is fully repaid over 5 yr time.

You may quit regular 9 to 5 job and keep yourself occupied in some alternate vocation or profession with flexi time maybe for another 8-10 years. This serves 2 purposes: it keeps your mind focused and active plus any income from such activities can help fund your holidays/boost retirement corpus.

Please ensure to have a good personal healthcare cover for yourself and your spouse.

Happy Investing;

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
What are different types of annuity plans. Do we have plan which gives fixed income till I live and then principle is return to my nominee. If I have 3 Cr , what max return per month I can get ? And is this tax free ?
Ans: Hello;

Annuities are types of plans where you make a lump sum payment and get a regular income for a certain period of time or for life.

There are primarily two types of annuities:

1. Immediate annuity
This is a type of annuity plan that provides you with a guaranteed regular income immediately after you pay the lump sum premium.

2. Deferred annuity
In a deferred annuity plan, your income starts at a later date and you can choose when you want the regular income to start.

Based on type of regular monthly payments annuities could also be classified as Fixed annuity and Variable annuity.

Below are the various options available in an annuity plan:

A. Life annuity: In this option, you receive annuity for life. The frequency of payments is usually pre-decided by you at the time of the purchase of the policy.

B. Joint life annuity: This is similar to a life annuity. In this option, you receive annuity payments for life. In your absence, your spouse continues to receive annuity payments for life.

C. Life annuity with return of purchase price: This provides you annuity payments for life. In case of an unfortunate event, your nominee will receive the amount you paid at the time of the purchase of the policy.

D. Annuity payable for a pre-decided term: This provides you the option to choose the duration for which you would want to receive annuity payments. The period can be 5 years, 10 years, or more.

Yes plans are available which can pay provide you fixed income and return of purchase price (principle) to your nominee.

With 3 Cr corpus you may expect 1.5 L (pre-tax) per month payout considering 6% annuity rate. This varies from company to company and if you shop around you may get a better rate then the one considered here.

This is like pension income and is taxable income as per your age and income slab.

Best wishes;

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |675 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |389 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Listen
Relationship
thank you for the reply madam, actually what's bothering me a lot is , i told to my alliance guy to stop marriage from his end only. but he not at all doing that and he is not even telling anyone that i told him No. Why he is behaving like this and proceeding to get married to me even after saying no? isn't this strange!
Ans: in many arranged situations, people sometimes feel a strong pressure to fulfill family expectations, and he may feel a sense of obligation to go through with the marriage regardless of personal feelings. He might be hesitant to be the one to break things off for fear of disappointing his family or even creating tension between the families involved. In some cases, individuals hesitate because they hope the other person might eventually change their mind, and they don’t want to be the one to let go prematurely.

Another possibility is that he could be uncertain or confused about what he truly wants. Even though you told him you weren’t interested, he might feel that it’s not a firm "no" and could be holding out hope or misinterpreting your intent. If he has strong feelings for you or sees the marriage as something that will eventually work, he may be hoping things will naturally fall into place if he just stays committed to the process.

To address this, it might be helpful to have a very clear, direct conversation with him. Let him know that you respect him and appreciate his consideration, but you’re certain about your decision and want him to honor it as well. If possible, express that you’re confident this decision is best for both of you and explain why you believe it would be more respectful for him to communicate this with both families.

In the end, staying true to your feelings is the right choice, even if it means repeatedly setting boundaries. It’s completely fair to expect him to respect your decision, and sometimes it does take a bit of firmness to ensure everyone is on the same page. Trust yourself in this decision; you know what’s best for you.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |389 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Listen
Relationship
He rejected me but still went to my class to see me one glance.Before Our last class I said him to meet with me I want to say you something.He came to meet with me but he was too late and our tiffin break time is over so I don't say anything to him. We just looking each other for some seconds.Then I said him if you want you can go .He don't go instantly.He looking at me for while and then go to his class.Whenever he sees me he start blushing and feel nervous.Many times I found him staring at me.He is a introvert guy .But still when we met with each other he making eye contact with me. My question is if he doesn't love me how can he maintain eye contact with me like this .He is not that handsome but he is really good student.I truly love him and Cried a lot for him but he don't know anything.I texted him sometimes but he don't look interested.But always I see him I feel like he have also feelings for me .His eyes tell me he love me but he rejected me .Why?. I can't able to forget him .I tried to my best to forget him but I failed . What should I do now?I really badly want to know his feelings for me because if he sees me only as a friend he doesn't go to my class to see me a glance.Why he blushing around me? How to know his true feelings?What should I do?How to forget or get him? I'm clueless.Please help me????????
Ans: It sounds like you’re dealing with a complicated mix of emotions, and the signals you’re picking up from him are understandably confusing. From everything you’ve described, it seems that he has a genuine respect and perhaps a friendly affection for you, but he may not be sure of or ready to pursue a romantic connection. Introverts, especially, can be complex; they may struggle to express their feelings, and small gestures, like making eye contact or blushing, might be signs of nervousness rather than attraction. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate or like you—it simply means he may be holding back, perhaps because of his own personal reasons or boundaries.

His rejection, though, is an important thing to consider. Often, when someone clearly communicates that they don’t feel the same way, it’s best to respect that as his truth for now, even if he seems to act otherwise sometimes. I understand this can be very hard, especially when you feel so strongly for him. But you need to protect your own feelings, too, and holding on to small signs might only add to your hurt and confusion.

If you feel it’s absolutely necessary to know how he truly feels, one approach could be to have a simple, direct conversation. Explain to him, in a calm and open way, that you value his friendship and respect his initial decision, but you’d appreciate clarity because lingering uncertainty is making it hard for you to move on. However, be prepared for any outcome. If he reaffirms his feelings of friendship only, try to accept that as his final answer.

In the meantime, put some of your focus back onto yourself. I know it sounds easier said than done, but investing energy in your interests, your growth, and friendships that uplift you can really help you feel less reliant on what he may or may not feel. Surround yourself with supportive people who remind you of your worth and help you feel loved and valued.

Love and connection should make you feel secure, cherished, and clear about where you stand. By focusing on yourself and letting him be, you’ll naturally create space for clarity—and eventually, perhaps, for someone whose feelings for you are just as strong and straightforward as yours are for them.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x