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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sanjeev Sir, Hope you are in good health. I hve just started my investment through SIP in mutual fund . Would you plz advice me on my portfolio. Every month i invest 12k in the below funds . Canara Robeco small cap fund reg Edelweiss mid cap fund reg Hdfc focused 30 fund PGIM India mid cap opp fund SBI Contra fund Sundaram services fund . I have also recentky added Quant small cap fund growth regular plan SIP OF 3K . I want to invest another 10k in sip format plz suggest where should i invest.

Ans: It's fantastic to hear that you're diving into the world of investing through mutual funds. Let's discuss your portfolio and future investments.

Your current selection of funds shows a thoughtful approach to diversification across different segments of the market.

Adding a small-cap fund to your portfolio enhances diversification and potential for higher returns over the long term.

For your additional 10k investment, let's explore options that complement your existing holdings and align with your goals.

Large-cap funds offer stability and are ideal for investors seeking steady returns with lower risk.
Multi-cap funds provide flexibility across market segments, allowing you to capitalize on various opportunities.
It's important to consider your risk tolerance and investment horizon when selecting new funds for your portfolio.

Pls, consult a Certified Financial Planner to guide you every step of the way.

Remember, investing is a journey, and it's normal to have questions and uncertainties along the path.

Stay focused on your goals, and don't hesitate to reach out if you need assistance or advice.

With diligence and patience, you're on track to achieve your financial aspirations.

Keep up the excellent work, and remember that each investment you make brings you closer to your dreams.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 08, 2023Hindi
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Dear Sir, I am 51 years old. I have been investing in SIP for 3 years and planning to invest for coming 7 years. My Present SIPs are Axis Blue Chip Fund Regular Growth @2000/- Axis Mid Cap Regular Growth @2000/- Mirae Asset Emerging Fund Regular @2000/- UTI Flexicap Fund Regular Growth @2000/-, HDFC TOP 100 Regular Growth @2000/-. Any advise for the portfolio.
Ans: Your current SIP portfolio appears well-diversified across different categories like large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds, which is good for long-term wealth creation. Since you have a 7-year investment horizon, you may consider the following suggestions:

Review Asset Allocation: Ensure your asset allocation aligns with your risk tolerance and financial goals. Since you're in your early 50s, you may want to tilt slightly towards more conservative options while still maintaining exposure to equities for growth potential.

Consider Adding Debt Funds: Given your age and investment horizon, consider adding debt funds to your portfolio to reduce overall risk. Debt funds can provide stability and income generation while complementing the growth potential of equity funds.

Regularly Monitor and Rebalance: Keep track of your portfolio's performance and periodically rebalance if needed to maintain your desired asset allocation. As you approach your investment goal, consider gradually shifting towards more conservative investments to protect your capital.

Seek Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a financial advisor who can provide personalized recommendations based on your specific financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance. They can help optimize your portfolio for better returns while managing risk effectively.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

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Hi Experts, I am 35 years old and having SIPs in below mutual funds ICICI prudential Long Term equity fund (Tax Saving) Direct Plan Growth - SIP - Rs 3500 Axis Long term Equity Direct plan Growth (tax Saving)- SIP - Rs 3500 SBI Small Cap - SIP - Rs 3000 Mirae Asset Tax Saver Fund Direct growth - SIP - Rs 3500 Parag Parekh Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth - SIP - Rs 7000 Axis Mid Cap Direct Plan Growth - SIP - Rs 5000 Nippon India multicap fund -SIP- Rs 10000 My total SIP is around Rs 36000 across all. I would like to invest Rs 15000 more on SIP. I know my small cap allocation is low because some one has scared me of small cap because of volatility. Can you suggest where can I invest extra Rs 15000 per month SIP. I have recently top up my mutual fund SIPs. I am looking for long time investment.
Ans: It's commendable that you're regularly investing through SIPs and looking to further diversify your portfolio. Here's a suggestion for investing an additional Rs 15,000 per month:

Since you're concerned about volatility in small-cap funds, consider allocating a portion of the additional Rs 15,000 to large-cap or multi-cap funds for stability and downside protection.
Look for funds with a proven track record of consistent performance and experienced fund managers. Consider factors like expense ratio, fund size, and portfolio composition when evaluating options.
Given your long-term investment horizon, you can afford to take some risk for potentially higher returns. Hence, consider allocating a portion of the additional SIP amount to mid-cap or small-cap funds for growth opportunities.
Remember to maintain a balanced portfolio across different market segments and asset classes to manage risk effectively.
Regularly review your SIP investments and make adjustments as needed based on changes in your financial situation or market conditions.
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to receive personalized advice tailored to your specific needs and goals.
By diversifying your SIP investments across different market segments and staying disciplined with your investment strategy, you can maximize the potential for long-term wealth creation while managing risk effectively.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi
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Iam investing monthly sip in below funds my age-34 1-Icici prudential bluechipfund-3000 2-Nippon India growth fund -3000 My monthly investment amount max-10000 pls suggest my portfolio any correction sir some good funds for long term
Ans: You're already on the right track with your disciplined approach to investing in SIPs. Let's review your portfolio and explore potential adjustments for long-term growth.

Investing in ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund and Nippon India Growth Fund reflects a balanced mix of large-cap and diversified equity exposure, which is suitable for long-term wealth accumulation.

However, to further diversify your portfolio and potentially enhance returns, consider adding funds from different categories like mid-cap or flexi-cap funds. These categories offer exposure to companies with different market capitalizations and investment styles, thus spreading your risk more effectively.

Mid-cap funds invest in companies with medium-sized market capitalizations, which often have higher growth potential than large-caps but come with increased volatility. Flexi-cap funds provide the flexibility to invest across market caps, allowing fund managers to capitalize on market opportunities across the spectrum.

Adding a mid-cap or flexi-cap fund to your portfolio can complement your existing investments and provide additional avenues for growth. Look for funds with a track record of consistent performance, experienced fund managers, and a robust investment process.

Remember to review your portfolio periodically and rebalance if necessary to ensure it remains aligned with your long-term financial goals and risk tolerance.

Keep up the good work with your investments, and don't hesitate to reach out to a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice tailored to your specific needs and objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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Sir I am 37 year old ... having salary of 1.2 lacs per months and want to save money for child higher education and daughter martiage. Have 48 lakhs in fd's and PF account is having 18 laksh and will receive 20 lakhs in 2027 from LIC Please suggest how to invest in SIP currently having 50000 lumsump in Sbi energy opportunities fund, lumsump 50000 in SBI AUTO Hdfc noncyclic consumer fund Sip of 3000 Edelweiss small cap fund sip of 4000 Kotak emerging equity fund sip of. 3000 NJFlexi cap 1500, Hdfc multicap fund SIP of 1500 (50000 lumsum) Icici prudential value discovery fund sip of 1000 Total SIP per month 14500 and will increase to 30000 Please review my mutual fund portfolio as i dont have any knowledge and suggest if i have chossen correct category with mutual fund name or need to switch Waiting for your suggestion and thanks in advance Please suggest me fund for SIP as i dont have much knowledge and want to invest 30000 per month.. please help me
Ans: You have taken commendable steps towards securing your financial future. It’s inspiring to see your commitment to investing for your child's higher education and your daughter's marriage. Financial planning is crucial, and your efforts to build a diversified portfolio are noteworthy.

Current Financial Situation
You are 37 years old, earning Rs. 1.2 lakh per month. You have Rs. 48 lakhs in fixed deposits (FDs) and Rs. 18 lakhs in your Provident Fund (PF) account. Additionally, you will receive Rs. 20 lakhs from LIC in 2027.

Your current investments include:

Rs. 50,000 lump sum in SBI Energy Opportunities Fund
Rs. 50,000 lump sum in SBI Auto Fund
SIPs totaling Rs. 14,500 per month in various funds:
Edelweiss Small Cap Fund: Rs. 3,000
Kotak Emerging Equity Fund: Rs. 4,000
NJ Flexi Cap Fund: Rs. 1,500
HDFC Multicap Fund: Rs. 1,500 (plus Rs. 50,000 lump sum)
ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund: Rs. 1,000
You plan to increase your SIP to Rs. 30,000 per month.

Portfolio Analysis
Your current portfolio is diverse, covering small cap, mid cap, and multi-cap funds. However, it's essential to assess if the allocation aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Financial Goals and Investment Horizon
Child's Higher Education: Assuming your child is currently around 10 years old, you have roughly 8-10 years until higher education expenses begin.
Daughter's Marriage: Assuming your daughter is currently around 5 years old, you have roughly 15-20 years until her marriage expenses.
These timelines give you a medium to long-term investment horizon, allowing for a balanced approach between growth and stability.

Calculating Required Corpus
Child's Higher Education
Assume the cost of higher education today is Rs. 20 lakhs. With an average inflation rate of 6%, the cost after 10 years would be:

Future Cost = Current Cost × (1 + Inflation Rate)^Number of Years
Future Cost = 20,00,000 × (1 + 0.06)^10
Future Cost ≈ 35,80,000

Daughter's Marriage
Assume the cost of marriage today is Rs. 15 lakhs. With an average inflation rate of 6%, the cost after 20 years would be:

Future Cost = Current Cost × (1 + Inflation Rate)^Number of Years
Future Cost = 15,00,000 × (1 + 0.06)^20
Future Cost ≈ 48,10,000

SIP Required for Future Goals
To accumulate Rs. 35.8 lakhs in 10 years and Rs. 48.1 lakhs in 20 years, let’s calculate the SIP amounts needed. Assuming an average annual return of 12%, the monthly SIP required can be calculated using the future value of an SIP formula:

Future Value (FV) = P × [ (1 + r)^n - 1 ] / r × (1 + r)

Where:

P is the monthly investment (SIP amount)
r is the monthly rate of return (annual return / 12)
n is the total number of investments (months)
For a 12% annual return:
r = 12/100 / 12 = 0.01

For Higher Education (10 years):
n = 10 × 12 = 120

35,80,000 = P × [ (1 + 0.01)^120 - 1 ] / 0.01 × (1 + 0.01)
35,80,000 = P × 232.97 × 1.01
35,80,000 = P × 235.30
P ≈ 15,200

For Marriage (20 years):
n = 20 × 12 = 240

48,10,000 = P × [ (1 + 0.01)^240 - 1 ] / 0.01 × (1 + 0.01)
48,10,000 = P × 967.15 × 1.01
48,10,000 = P × 976.82
P ≈ 4,920

Recommended Monthly SIP
To meet both goals, you need to invest approximately Rs. 20,120 per month (Rs. 15,200 for education + Rs. 4,920 for marriage). This is well within your planned SIP increase to Rs. 30,000.

Reviewing and Adjusting Your Portfolio
Given your existing investments, it is essential to ensure they align with your goals and risk profile. Here’s a detailed review:

Existing SIPs
Edelweiss Small Cap Fund: Small-cap funds can provide high growth but come with high volatility. Limit to a smaller portion of your portfolio.
Kotak Emerging Equity Fund: Mid-cap fund, good for growth but also volatile.
NJ Flexi Cap Fund: Diversified across market caps, providing stability and growth.
HDFC Multicap Fund: Balanced approach with exposure to large, mid, and small caps.
ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund: Focus on undervalued stocks, adding stability to the portfolio.
Recommended Changes
Reduce Exposure to High-Risk Funds: Limit small-cap funds to 10-15% of your total portfolio to manage risk.
Increase Diversification: Add large-cap funds for stability. Large-cap funds tend to be less volatile and provide steady returns.
Focus on Goal-Based Allocation: Allocate investments specifically for education and marriage goals.
Suggested Allocation for Rs. 30,000 SIP
Large Cap Fund: Rs. 7,500
Multi Cap Fund: Rs. 7,500
Mid Cap Fund: Rs. 5,000
Small Cap Fund: Rs. 3,000
Flexi Cap Fund: Rs. 4,000
Value Fund: Rs. 3,000
Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
While index funds replicate market indices, actively managed funds can outperform due to the expertise of fund managers. Actively managed funds are adaptable and can capitalize on market opportunities, offering potentially higher returns.

Direct vs. Regular Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios but require active management and market knowledge. Regular funds, managed through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD), provide professional guidance and can be beneficial for informed decision-making.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals. Market conditions and personal circumstances change, so periodic reviews ensure your investments remain optimal.

Conclusion
To achieve your financial goals, increase your monthly SIP to Rs. 30,000 with a well-diversified portfolio. Focus on goal-based investments and consider professional guidance for effective fund management.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

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I've married a divorcee few years back who has two teenage kids, a boy and a girl studying final year chemical engineering. While I'm in ok terms with the boy, the girl who is supposed to be taken care of by her father according to court order but stays with us due to harrassment started showing her true colours by creating unnecessary problems, goaded by my wife's relatives who dont like her remarriage to me. I try very much to stay cool whenever she fights but sometimes lose my patience and shout at her. She is a very vengeful girl and I recently came to know that she is planning to file sexual harrassment charges against me. I am scared of the insults if she files such a case merely to hurt me and her mother. She openly mocks that the law and authorities will be always on her side. Kindly advise me on what precautions I can take to avoid getting framed and lose my dignity.
Ans: Dear manikantaprabhu,
Legal advice is a lawyer's domain and you can seek the guidance of one.
What does your wife have to say about her daughter's actions? Is she also unable to control what is happening? Why is the girl's father not in the picture?
Obviously the divorce of her parents hasn't been easy on the girl and at an impressionable age, they can easily be swayed by relatives at a vulnerable time like this. I would ask your wife to step in and take care of this as she is the only person who the girl can trust now. You have not shared what your wife is doing to manage the situation. She has a huge role to play right now in terms of providing emotional support to her daughter through a loving and caring environment. Things may change...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2025Hindi
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Hi I am 46 year old and have one child I have 27 lac in PPF and 1.10Cr in mutual funds 10 Lac in ULIP Plan. and 5 lac in NPS and 3 lac in EPF. 1.5 Cr term insurance Currently investing in 1.01 lac in SIP per month, 1 per year in ULIP, 50000 per year in NPS and 1.5 lac per year in PPF also EPF contribution. Salary income is 1.5 lac per month and rent income is 24000 and I am spending 15000 on rent. current loans 21 lac outstanding of home loan till 2032 and car loan 3 lac till Nov 2026 How should I plan retirement early at age of 52?
Ans: By the time you retire at 52, your investments are expected to grow as follows:

Mutual Funds (SIP Growth): ~?99.9L (?1.01L SIP for 6 years @10%)
ULIP Growth: ~?7.2L (?1L/year for 6 years @6%)
NPS Growth: ~?3.7L (?50K/year for 6 years @7%)
PPF Growth: ~?11.2L (?1.5L/year for 6 years @7%)
Existing Corpus Growth: ~?2.33 Cr (Current ?1.55 Cr growing @7%)
Total Expected Corpus at 52: ?3.55 Cr

Retirement Corpus Requirement
Assuming ?80K/month expenses (?9.6L/year) and a 4% safe withdrawal rate, you need:

?2.4 Cr corpus for a 40-year retirement
Conclusion & Plan
? You are well on track for early retirement at 52!
? Your projected corpus of ?3.55 Cr is sufficient to sustain ?80K/month expenses comfortably.
? Continue investing ?1.01L SIP till 52 and gradually shift some corpus to safer debt instruments closer to retirement.



Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7931 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

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Dear Sir / Madam , i worked for 9 years with company name Atl , My LIC superannuation amount is total around 8 Lac . I am ok with not withdrawing 1/3rd amount Which Option should i choose to get maximum Pension/month and for maximum period , all clauses are mention below for your reference : 7. Option to choose pension i) Life pension ceasing at death, No purchase price shall be paid on death of beneficiary, No guaranteed payments. ii) Life pension with guaranteed payments for 5/10/15/20 years. No purchase price shall be paid on death or at end of 5/10/15/20 years guarantee. On survival to guaranteed payment pension shall be continued to be payable till life survives. (Please specify period) . iii) Life pension ceasing at death of member with return of capital (purchase price) to beneficiary alongwith group pension terminal bonus declared by LIC. iv) Joint life and Last survivor pension to member and his/her spouse (without any gauranteed payments as in case of 1) v) Joint life and last survivor pension to the member and his/her spouse with return of purchase price on death of last survivor alongwith group pension terminal bonus declared by LIC. 8. Mode of payment of pension (specify specifically) (MLY / QLY / HLY / YLY) 9. State whether member wants commutation of pension (Yes / No) as per prevalent Income Tax Rules. (Please note that at present member can commute maximum to 1/3 (33.33%). This proportion may range maximum upto 1/2 (50%) if member is not eligible to get group gratuity. rgds Bharat
Ans: Dear Bharat,

To maximize your monthly pension and ensure the longest duration, the best option depends on your needs:

Maximum Pension:

Option (i) – Life pension ceasing at death offers the highest monthly pension but stops at your death.
Option (ii) – Life pension with a guarantee period (10/15/20 years) ensures pension continues even if you pass away early, making it a safer choice.
Maximum Benefit for Family:

Option (v) – Joint life & last survivor pension with return of purchase price ensures your spouse continues receiving pension and the purchase price is refunded to heirs.
Best Choice for You
If you need maximum pension for life, go for Option (i) or Option (ii) with a 15/20-year guarantee.
If your spouse also needs financial security, choose Option (v).
For pension frequency, monthly (MLY) is best for regular income.

Since you are okay with not withdrawing 1/3rd, you can choose NO for commutation to get a higher pension amount.


Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 05, 2025Hindi
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Hello, I'm a female (30). I got married in dec 2023. My husband was very particular with sharing all the bills equally and I agreed with it but after 2months of marriage he started asking me pay his EMI's which is more than 65k/m or take his home loan entirely on my name. This loan was taken before marriage. I refused to pay his loans, then he started emotionally abusing me. He calls me names, body shames me and compares me with other girls and says he deserves better. He says every other wife out there is better than me and me and my family doesn't give enough gifts to him like other families.He never helped me with any household chores despite both being employed and sharing equal bills. He asks to give him my entire salary but I can't do it because I took out a personal loan for my parents before marriage which I have to pay 75k/m . My husband was not aware of this. I want to file for a divorce but my parents are adamantly refusing to agree even though he know what kind of person he is and is even blaming me saying I do not know how to adjust and maintain a marriage. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Any reason or anything that triggered him to demand that you pay up? Is this his way of testing if you also have commitment towards him and not just your parents (since you are paying their EMIs)?
Instead of being a life partner who shares their partner's choices from before the marriage, he has become someone who thrives on emotionally hassling you. What I see as red flag in his behavior is the fact that after agreeing to one thing before, changing stance later...WHY?
Then crying foul by abusing etc...WHY?
Honestly, check with yourself if he is indeed going to be a life partner who can share burdens, support and care for his spouse! If there's a doubt there, consider your options wisely as this person can hold onto money very tightly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2025Hindi
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Hello mam , my bf is great he is nice and always supports me in my choices but sometimes he is overly jealous yesterday I told him that his friend talks very nicely because his friend and I had previous 1-2 conversation but at that time I didn't like the way he used to talks to me i also told this to my bf which he reply he is always like this but yesterday he talked to me in very nicely because now he knows that I am a important person in his friend life and I also this thing to my bf that I was too quick to judge he is not even that bad but just after my bf got upset and started to tell me if you like him that much then go and date him why are you dating him I was like no i am just telling he is not that bad as I have thought about him in the starting and he didn't listen to me and he is not even talking and it makes me feel like I did something wrong by talking to his friend which was also related to my bf
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You got yourself a boyfriend who can get jealous and act pretty immature; but in his defense he possibly didn't even know that he could act up like this, yeah?
Let his settle with these jealousies and insecurities and maybe a bit of reassurance from your side can ease him a bit BUT do let him know that this kind of reactions are not very welcome. Your relationship must be built on trust and understanding and NOT insecurities and doubts.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |534 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
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I have just turned 33. Have a handful friends and that is my social circle. I go on motorcycle rides and that group of people is limited to motorcycling. I have quit my regular job and started pursuing self employment opportunities. I was not in mindset for relationship but off late there is a girl who seems to be extremely interested in me. Funnily she says I am the most ideal guy she met but I have no idea what gives her that vibe. She told she loves me and I said I don't have such feelings for her. Yet we hang out frequently. Throughout these moments I get a feeling that I am becoming less emotional towards my surroundings. I used to love dogs, feed them, pet the ones near my house. Now I see them on the street, I don't care. I used to care about the kids on street begging, give them food whenever I could, now I don't care. Someone shares any kind of bad news, I sympathise as if I am delivering a template, I don't care. The girls says she loves me and I know deep down I have no emotional feelings for her. In retrospect I was not such a person as a child or teen. But between my childhood to now some of the things were a turning point. 1. At 4 yrs I was told my mother was dead and my father was someone I barely met a few hours on the weekend. 2. By 16 yrs I buried 3 out of my 5 dogs and realised that alcohol was killing my dad everyday 3. At 20 yrs death of my father 4. Between 20 to 25 I realised relatives and so called friends will gladly stab you when they have a chance 5. At 25 yrs sold my dad's property, lost my roots had to come back to Bangalore 6. Watched most of my friends sideline me considering I was an orphan with no future. 7. Getting rejected by girls as lack of parents meant I was a lose cannon and cannot be trusted. I never believed in hiding stuff particularly in emotionally involving relationships. I might be wrong about this girls and maybe she really likes me but I feel I have lost interest in such things or maybe I don't have the strength left to go through such emotionally draining stuff again just for nothing. I don't know what I want.
Ans: This girl might genuinely like you, but your hesitance isn’t about her—it’s about whether you can or even want to open yourself up to something that might eventually hurt again. When you’ve seen so much loss, the idea of forming attachments can feel more like a risk than a reward.

The emotional numbness you’re experiencing isn’t unusual for someone who’s been through repeated trauma. It’s a coping mechanism. But the fact that you’re aware of it means there’s still a part of you that wants to feel something again—you just don’t know how or if it’s worth it.

Maybe instead of forcing yourself to figure everything out right now, just sit with it. Spend time with this girl without the pressure of defining anything. See if, over time, you actually enjoy her presence or if it feels like an obligation. If you don’t feel anything, that’s okay too—at least you’ll have clarity.

And if you ever want to reconnect with the part of you that once cared deeply, start small. Maybe one day, feed a dog again. Maybe one day, give food to a street kid—not because you should, but just to see if it stirs anything. No pressure, no expectations.

You’ve survived things that would break most people. It’s okay to take your time figuring out what you want next.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2025Hindi
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Two years ago, I got married to my boss after dating for three years. He was previously married and had wanted me to quit my job and take care of my family. The first year went well but his behaviour changed after our first wedding anniversary. He has been staying late at work, avoiding my calls and often goes on outstation meetings while I take care of his ageing parents and 5 year old son from his first wife. My mother suspects he may be having an affair. I am 32. Since our communication has reduced, I feel stuck and helpless at home. My friends tell me that after marriage, most men behave the same way. Is it true? Am I overthinking too much? How do I find out?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No, you are not overthinking this. One way to find out is to actually 'Call Out' his behavior without actually complaining to him. He needs to understand that you did not marry to look after his family.
Also, what made you leave your work life? Kindly get back to working and as you engage with people at work and outside, he will realize that you are not just someone who is a going to take on his responsibilities at home. It's time you balanced home and work now. Now, whether he has an affair or not is something that is left to evidence of the matter. Till then, it will only be guess work. But, you do need to re-establish your identity as a working woman who also cares for her home. Possibly, this change in you, will bring him back on track as he will no longer have the comfort of 'dumping' the house work onto you AND going about hsi own business. Try this and see what happens.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1503 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

I am 48 years old man, have always been in love with my younger brother(44 years) (cousin). He and I were best friends since childhood and I am too much in love with him. For last 23 years, we have parted (fought) and I have avoided him like anything. He knew all about my love (letters/stalking/begging/crying) and thats why he distanced himself from me. He came back after 23 years (only on whatsapp chat), and again i started crying and what not and emotionally totally unstable. My wife, kids and even i am surprised how bad it is within me. He wants me as a friend (not overly emotionally invested). How can I be a normal human being with him? Is it even possible? I hate being like this, how can i let go.... It's for so long what help do i need if any.
Ans: Dear test,
When you allow your emotions to self-destruct, that is exactly what will happen. You have been unable to accept that your path and your cousin's paths are different...you have gone on to build a family and then you have decided to break down all over again. How do you expect your family to understand all this?
What you call as LOVE; is it possibly an attachment for him? Dependence on him for attention, love, validation? You need to introspect and grow out of this OR settle this in a way that you can get back your peace of mind. At this moment with the information that you have shared, I can guide you only as much!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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