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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Purushottam Question by Purushottam on Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir My salary is 70k.my home loan EMI is 23000. Personal loan EMI is 18000. And credit card expenses also. Please guide how I save money

Ans: I understand that managing multiple loan EMIs along with credit card expenses can be challenging, but with a strategic approach, you can effectively save money and improve your financial situation. Here are some steps to consider:

Evaluate Your Expenses
Genuine Compliments on recognizing the need to save money despite your financial commitments. Start by reviewing your monthly expenses, including necessities like rent, utilities, groceries, and discretionary spending. Identify areas where you can cut back or eliminate unnecessary expenses.

Prioritize Debt Repayment
Your home loan, personal loan, and credit card debts are likely accruing high-interest charges, making them priority areas for repayment. Allocate a significant portion of your monthly income towards clearing off these debts as quickly as possible to reduce interest payments and free up more money for savings.

Create a Budget
Develop a realistic monthly budget that accounts for your essential expenses, debt repayments, and savings goals. Stick to your budget religiously and track your spending regularly to ensure you're staying on track. Consider using budgeting apps or spreadsheets to streamline the process.

Emergency Fund
Building an emergency fund is crucial to cover unexpected expenses or financial emergencies without resorting to further borrowing. Aim to save at least 3-6 months' worth of living expenses in a high-yield savings account or liquid investment that you can easily access when needed.

Automate Savings
Set up automatic transfers from your salary account to a separate savings account or investment account each month. This "pay yourself first" approach ensures that you prioritize savings before spending and helps cultivate a consistent saving habit over time.

Review and Negotiate
Regularly review your expenses and look for opportunities to negotiate better deals or lower interest rates on your loans and credit cards. Explore options such as balance transfers or loan refinancing to consolidate debt and reduce interest costs.

Additional Income Streams
Consider exploring additional sources of income, such as freelancing, part-time work, or selling unused items, to supplement your salary and accelerate debt repayment. Every extra rupee earned can make a significant difference in achieving your financial goals.

Seek Professional Advice
As a Certified Financial Planner, I'm here to provide personalized guidance and support tailored to your specific financial situation and goals. I can help you develop a comprehensive financial plan that addresses debt management, savings strategies, and long-term financial security.

Conclusion
In conclusion, by prioritizing debt repayment, creating a budget, building an emergency fund, automating savings, reviewing expenses, exploring additional income streams, and seeking professional advice, you can effectively save money and improve your financial well-being despite your existing financial commitments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, My monthly income is 1.1 lakh, i ahve a personal loan of 17 lakhs for which my EMI is 37k for next 60 months, 34k is my rent and i left out with 39k, i have two kids and school fees is 1.9 lakh per annum. I am in very crital situation for money saving. Presently i have 11 lakhs in my PF and good amount of gold accumalated. Please show me right path so that i can have a good savings.
Ans: Managing finances can be challenging, especially when you have significant expenses and a family to support. However, with careful planning and strategic actions, you can improve your financial situation and build substantial savings.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Your monthly income is Rs 1.1 lakh, but you face considerable expenses including a personal loan EMI of Rs 37,000 and rent of Rs 34,000. After these deductions, you are left with Rs 39,000. Additionally, you have annual school fees of Rs 1.9 lakh for your two children, which translates to about Rs 15,833 per month.

Analyzing Your Expenses
Let's break down your monthly expenses:

Personal Loan EMI: Rs 37,000

Rent: Rs 34,000

School Fees: Rs 15,833 (approximately Rs 1.9 lakh annually divided by 12 months)

Remaining Income: Rs 23,167 (Rs 39,000 - Rs 15,833)

This leaves you with Rs 23,167 for other expenses, savings, and investments. It's crucial to optimize this amount to ensure a good savings strategy.

Prioritizing Your Expenses
To achieve a good savings plan, prioritize your expenses. Essential expenses should be covered first, followed by discretionary spending. Here's a prioritization strategy:

1. Essential Expenses:

Personal Loan EMI
Rent
School Fees
Groceries and Utilities
2. Discretionary Spending:

Entertainment
Dining Out
Hobbies
Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial for unexpected expenses. Aim to save at least six months' worth of expenses. This fund will provide a safety net during financial emergencies.

Managing Debt Efficiently
Your personal loan EMI is a significant monthly expense. Consider these strategies to manage your debt efficiently:

1. Loan Restructuring:

Contact your bank to discuss loan restructuring options. Extending the loan tenure could reduce your monthly EMI, easing your cash flow.

2. Prepayment Strategy:

Whenever you receive any additional income or bonus, consider making prepayments on your personal loan. This will reduce the principal amount, leading to lower interest payments over time.

3. Consolidation:

If you have multiple loans, consider consolidating them into a single loan with a lower interest rate. This can simplify repayments and reduce overall interest costs.

Optimizing Your Expenses
Review your monthly expenses to identify areas where you can cut costs:

1. Rent:

Consider moving to a more affordable rental property or negotiating with your landlord for a rent reduction.

2. Utilities and Groceries:

Look for ways to reduce utility bills and grocery expenses. Simple changes like energy-saving practices and buying in bulk can make a difference.

3. Discretionary Spending:

Limit discretionary spending on entertainment, dining out, and hobbies. Allocate a fixed amount for these expenses and stick to it.

Strategic Investments for Growth
With Rs 23,167 remaining each month, it's crucial to invest wisely to grow your savings. Here are some investment options:

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds can provide higher returns over the long term. These funds invest in stocks of companies, offering potential for capital appreciation. Actively managed equity funds, guided by professional fund managers, aim to outperform the market and provide strategic growth opportunities.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities. They offer more stability and lower risk compared to equity funds. These funds can provide regular income and capital preservation, making them suitable for short to medium-term goals.

Balanced Advantage Funds
Balanced Advantage Funds (BAFs) dynamically adjust their allocation between equity and debt based on market conditions. They offer a balanced exposure to both asset classes, reducing risk and enhancing returns. BAFs are a good option for conservative investors seeking stability and growth.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A Systematic Investment Plan allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. SIPs offer the benefit of Rupee Cost Averaging, reducing the impact of market volatility. Start with a small amount and gradually increase your SIP contributions as your financial situation improves.

Gold Investments
Gold is a traditional investment that acts as a hedge against inflation and economic uncertainties. While it shouldn't form a large part of your portfolio, a small allocation in gold can provide stability. Consider investing in gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds for better liquidity and returns.

Health Insurance
Healthcare costs can be a significant burden. Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for yourself and your family. A comprehensive health insurance plan can help manage potential medical expenses and protect your savings.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can enhance your post-retirement income. Utilize tax-saving instruments under Section 80C, such as Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), Public Provident Fund (PPF), and National Savings Certificate (NSC). ELSS funds offer the dual benefit of tax savings and potential for high returns due to their equity exposure.

Reviewing Your Portfolio
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is essential to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Life events, market conditions, and changes in expenses can impact your financial situation. Periodic reviews and rebalancing of your portfolio help maintain the desired asset allocation and manage risk.

Leveraging Professional Guidance
Engaging a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide invaluable insights and strategies tailored to your specific needs. A CFP can help you create a comprehensive financial plan, monitor your progress, and adjust strategies as needed. This professional guidance can be especially beneficial given the complexities of managing a retirement portfolio.

Understanding Investment Risks
All investments come with inherent risks, and it's essential to understand these before making decisions. Equity investments can be volatile in the short term but tend to provide higher returns over the long term. Debt investments offer more stability but usually yield lower returns compared to equities.

Assess your risk tolerance honestly. Given your age and the need for stability, a balanced approach that includes both equity and debt investments can provide growth potential while managing risk.

Your decision to seek guidance and plan your investments is praiseworthy. It demonstrates foresight and a strong commitment to financial well-being. By leveraging these insights and strategies, you are setting yourself on a path to achieving your financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing effectively with a retirement corpus of Rs 3 Crores requires a strategic and disciplined approach. Start by understanding your financial landscape, building an emergency fund, and choosing the right investment frequency. Goal-based investing and a diversified portfolio can help balance risk and reward.

Actively managed funds, with professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner, offer strategic advantages over index and direct funds. Separating insurance and investment needs, effective tax planning, and automating investments can enhance your financial strategy. Regular reviews and rebalancing ensure your portfolio stays aligned with your goals.

Your proactive approach to financial planning is commendable. By implementing these strategies, you can navigate the challenges of a variable income and build a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I am 28yrs old , my monthly in-hand salary is 1lakh , currently I am paying previous personal loans after October I'm debt free , currently I am investing ELSS mutual funds monthly 5k and lic moneback policy for monthly 5k , and investing in gold monthly 6k . Suggest me how to save money which gave me bulk amount to buy a 3bhk house in metropolitan city and retirement plan.
Ans: Current Financial Situation

You are 28 years old with a monthly in-hand salary of Rs 1 lakh. You are currently paying off personal loans, which will be completed by October. Your current investments include Rs 5,000 in ELSS mutual funds, Rs 5,000 in a LIC moneyback policy, and Rs 6,000 in gold.

Post-Debt Investment Strategy

Once your loans are cleared, you will have more disposable income. This is an excellent opportunity to reallocate your funds towards achieving your goals.

Building a House Fund

Increase SIP in Mutual Funds:

Post-October, consider increasing your ELSS SIP. Additionally, diversify into other mutual funds like large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds. This will help you build a substantial corpus over time.
Liquid Funds for Short-Term Goals:

Park a portion of your savings in liquid funds. This ensures liquidity while earning better returns than a savings account.
Fixed Deposits (FDs):

Consider investing a part in FDs for a fixed return. This adds stability to your portfolio.

Retirement Planning

Diversified Mutual Funds:

Continue with your ELSS for tax benefits and long-term growth. Also, add balanced funds and debt funds to ensure a stable return.
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Start investing in PPF for safe, long-term returns and tax benefits. It has a lock-in period but offers attractive interest rates.
National Pension System (NPS):

Invest in NPS for retirement. It offers market-linked returns and additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B).

Reevaluate LIC Policy

LIC moneyback policies typically offer lower returns. Consider switching to term insurance for higher coverage at a lower premium. Redirect the savings into mutual funds for better returns.

Gold Investments

Gold is a good hedge but typically offers lower returns. Keep it as a smaller portion of your portfolio. Diversify into other assets for better growth.

Final Insights

To buy a 3BHK in a metropolitan city, you need a disciplined savings and investment approach. Increase your mutual fund SIPs post-debt, start a PPF and NPS, and reevaluate your LIC policy. Diversifying your investments will help you build a substantial corpus for both your house and retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir I have 125000 income out of which 70000 goes for home loan I have two kids they are studying in degree and MBA and I am not able to save money how to plan for future and how to cut short expenses please advise
Ans: Planning for the future when you have a significant portion of your income allocated to a home loan and educational expenses for your children can be challenging. With a monthly income of Rs. 125,000 and Rs. 70,000 going towards your home loan, it's essential to find ways to manage your finances effectively. In this guide, I will provide a comprehensive plan to help you cut expenses, save money, and plan for a secure financial future.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Income and Expenses
Your monthly income is Rs. 125,000. The home loan EMI is Rs. 70,000, which leaves you with Rs. 55,000 for other expenses. This allocation shows a heavy burden from the home loan.

Education Costs
Your children are studying in degree and MBA programs. Educational expenses can be high, including tuition fees, books, and other costs. These need careful planning.

Budgeting and Expense Management
Creating a Budget
Start with a detailed budget. List all your expenses, categorizing them into fixed (home loan EMI, education fees) and variable (groceries, utilities, entertainment). This clarity helps in identifying areas where you can cut costs.

Prioritizing Expenses
Prioritize essential expenses like education, utilities, and groceries. Identify non-essential expenses that can be reduced or eliminated. This step is crucial for effective financial management.

Tracking Spending
Track your spending to ensure adherence to the budget. Use tools like expense-tracking apps or maintain a manual record. This practice helps in monitoring and controlling expenses.

Cutting Down Expenses
Reducing Discretionary Spending
Discretionary spending includes entertainment, dining out, and luxury items. Reduce these expenses by choosing cost-effective alternatives. For example, cook at home instead of dining out.

Saving on Utilities
Implement energy-saving measures to reduce utility bills. Use energy-efficient appliances, turn off lights when not in use, and opt for energy-saving plans offered by utility providers.

Educational Expenses
Look for scholarships, grants, or educational loans with favorable terms for your children. Encourage them to seek part-time jobs or internships to support their education costs.

Debt Management
Refinancing Your Home Loan
Explore the possibility of refinancing your home loan. Refinancing at a lower interest rate can reduce your EMI, freeing up funds for savings and other expenses.

Prepaying Your Loan
If you receive any windfalls or bonuses, consider using them to prepay your home loan. This strategy reduces the principal amount and, consequently, the interest burden.

Increasing Income
Exploring Additional Income Sources
Look for additional income sources such as freelancing, part-time jobs, or consulting. Leveraging your skills and expertise can provide an extra income stream.

Passive Income Opportunities
Consider passive income opportunities like investments in mutual funds or fixed deposits. These investments can generate additional income over time.

Financial Planning for the Future
Setting Financial Goals
Set clear financial goals for the short term, medium term, and long term. Goals could include building an emergency fund, saving for your children’s higher education, and planning for retirement.

Emergency Fund
Build an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This fund acts as a financial cushion during unforeseen circumstances like job loss or medical emergencies.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate insurance coverage for health, life, and critical illness. This coverage protects your family from financial hardships in case of unexpected events.

Investment Strategy
Diversified Investment Portfolio
Create a diversified investment portfolio based on your risk tolerance and financial goals. Consider investing in mutual funds, fixed deposits, and other safe instruments.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are overseen by professional fund managers who actively make investment decisions to outperform the market. These funds can potentially provide higher returns compared to index funds, though they come with higher fees.

Avoiding Direct Funds
Direct funds require investors to manage their investments themselves, which can be challenging without expertise. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional management and better financial planning.

Financial Planning for Children’s Education
Education Fund
Start an education fund dedicated to your children's higher education. Regular contributions to this fund ensure you are financially prepared for their future educational needs.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Consider Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in mutual funds. SIPs allow regular, disciplined investments that can grow over time, helping you accumulate a substantial education fund.

Retirement Planning
Early Planning
Start planning for retirement early. The earlier you start, the more time your investments have to grow, ensuring a comfortable retirement.

Retirement Funds
Invest in retirement-specific funds like the Public Provident Fund (PPF) or Employees’ Provident Fund (EPF). These funds provide long-term growth with tax benefits.

Genuine Compliments and Empathy
Compliments
Your commitment to your family’s future is truly admirable. Balancing a home loan, educational expenses, and daily living costs is challenging, and your dedication is commendable.

Empathy
It's understandable to feel overwhelmed by financial pressures. Many families face similar challenges, and seeking help to improve your financial situation is a positive step.

Practical Steps for Implementation
Regular Reviews
Regularly review your financial plan and adjust it as needed. Changes in income, expenses, or financial goals should prompt a review of your budget and investment strategy.

Professional Guidance
Engage a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to help you create and manage your financial plan. A CFP provides expert advice, ensuring your financial decisions align with your goals.

Educating Family
Educate your family about financial management. Involving them in budgeting and saving processes fosters a collective effort towards achieving financial stability.

Final Insights
Balancing income, debt, and family expenses requires careful planning and disciplined execution. By creating a detailed budget, prioritizing expenses, and exploring additional income sources, you can manage your finances more effectively. Investing in a diversified portfolio, planning for your children’s education, and securing your retirement are essential steps for a secure financial future.

Engaging a Certified Financial Planner ensures professional guidance tailored to your unique situation. Your dedication to your family’s well-being and financial security is commendable. With the right strategies and support, you can achieve your financial goals and enjoy peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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