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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jul 23, 2023

Colonel Sanjeev Govila (retd) is the founder of Hum Fauji Initiatives, a financial planning company dedicated to the armed forces personnel and their families.
He has over 12 years of experience in financial planning and is a SEBI certified registered investment advisor; he is also accredited with AMFI and IRDA.... more
Arindam Question by Arindam on Jun 01, 2023Hindi
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Hello Sir, if I am having a saving of 20 lacs and would like to invest that in Mutual Funds, is there any plan/SWP where in I can invest the money for long term and also have a fixed return every month? What is the best course of action for investment for this much amount?

Ans: Investment in Mutual Funds need time to generate good and stable returns. It would be a good practice in case you do not withdraw the amount in the first 4-5 years and give time to your investment to grow at a decent rate.

After 4-5 years, you can start SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for your requirements. In SWPs, your capital also gets withdrawn. Therefore, you should withdraw the amount through SWPs at a rate below than the CAGR.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
Money
I want to invest Rs ten lacs in various mutual fund for three or four years. Idea to increase the amount. can you please suggest that what type tund should I buy. thanls
Ans: First, let's understand your objectives. You want to invest Rs 10 lakhs in mutual funds for three to four years. The main goal is to grow this amount over the short to medium term.

Investment Horizon and Risk Appetite
Your investment horizon of three to four years is relatively short for equity investments. Typically, equity funds are recommended for longer horizons. But with careful planning, it's possible to target growth even in a shorter period. Given this, we need to balance your risk with potential returns.

Types of Mutual Funds Suitable for Your Goals
1. Hybrid Funds
Balanced Risk: Hybrid funds are a mix of equity and debt. They balance risk and return by investing in both stocks and bonds.
Potential for Growth: These funds offer growth potential with controlled risk, making them suitable for a three to four-year horizon.
Regular Income: Some hybrid funds also provide periodic income, which can be a bonus.
2. Large Cap Funds
Stability: Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies. These companies are more stable, making them a safer bet for short-term investments.
Moderate Returns: While the returns may not be as high as small or mid-cap funds, they are relatively stable.
3. Short-Term Debt Funds
Low Risk: These funds invest in short-term debt instruments like bonds and treasury bills. They are less volatile and offer steady returns.
Capital Preservation: While the growth potential is limited, these funds prioritize capital preservation, making them ideal if you want to avoid significant risk.
4. Dynamic Asset Allocation Funds
Flexibility: These funds dynamically adjust the allocation between equity and debt based on market conditions. This flexibility helps in capturing growth while managing risk.
Balanced Approach: They offer a balanced approach, especially when market conditions are uncertain.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds
Active Management: Actively managed funds have fund managers who make decisions based on market conditions, aiming to outperform the benchmark.
Potential for Higher Returns: Unlike index funds that mirror market performance, actively managed funds have the potential to generate higher returns through expert management.
Risk Management: Fund managers can make adjustments to protect your investment during market downturns.
Regular Plans vs Direct Plans
Expert Guidance: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) with MFD credentials offers you expert guidance. This ensures your investments are aligned with your goals.
Better Performance: Regular plans often perform better due to active management and professional advice. Direct plans may save on costs, but the lack of guidance can impact returns.
Convenience: Regular plans simplify the process with ongoing support, making it easier for you to manage your investments.
Importance of Diversification
Risk Reduction: Diversifying your investment across different fund types reduces the risk. If one fund underperforms, others may compensate.
Optimized Returns: A well-diversified portfolio captures growth from various market segments, optimizing returns without taking on excessive risk.
Asset Allocation: It's crucial to allocate your Rs 10 lakhs across different fund categories, balancing equity with debt to achieve the best outcomes.
Tax Implications
Short-Term Capital Gains: If you sell equity funds before one year, gains are taxed at 15%. For debt funds, the short-term period is three years, and gains are added to your income and taxed at your slab rate.
Long-Term Capital Gains: Equity funds held for more than one year are taxed at 10% for gains above Rs 1 lakh. Debt funds held for more than three years are taxed at 20% with indexation benefits.
Tax Efficiency: Hybrid and dynamic asset allocation funds can be tax-efficient for your three to four-year horizon, especially if held slightly longer.
SIP vs Lump Sum Investment
SIP Advantage: Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) spread your investment over time, reducing the risk of market volatility. It’s a disciplined approach but may not be ideal for a lump sum like Rs 10 lakhs.
Lump Sum Investment: Given your investment horizon, a lump sum investment in hybrid or large-cap funds might be more suitable. This way, your money is working from day one.
Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regular Monitoring: It's essential to monitor your investments regularly. Even though the horizon is short, market conditions can change, affecting your portfolio's performance.
Rebalancing: If one fund category outperforms or underperforms, rebalancing ensures your portfolio stays aligned with your goals. This involves shifting assets between equity and debt as needed.
Finally
Investing Rs 10 lakhs for three to four years requires a strategic approach. Hybrid, large-cap, short-term debt, and dynamic asset allocation funds offer a balanced mix of risk and return. Actively managed and regular plans provide the expert guidance needed to navigate market conditions, ensuring your investment stays on track.

Ensure diversification, be mindful of tax implications, and consider whether SIP or lump sum investments suit your needs. Regular monitoring and rebalancing will help you achieve your goals within the given timeframe. With this approach, you can aim for growth while managing risk effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir..I am 38 yrs. old & want to invest 10 lacs in mutual funds for 2 yrs. In 2026 I want the amount for the higher education of my 2 kids.I want to invest the said amount in different funds so that by that time it grows by 12 to 15% Pls. suggest what I do to attain that goal
Ans: As a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), I understand the importance of your goals and the need to secure a good education for your children. Let's dive into how you can achieve this.

Assessing Your Investment Horizon and Goals
You have a clear goal: investing Rs 10 lacs for your children's higher education in 2026. The timeframe is relatively short, only two years. With this in mind, it's crucial to understand the risk involved in different types of investments.

Investing in mutual funds can provide growth, but the short duration requires a strategic approach. Higher returns typically come with higher risks, which might not be suitable for your short-term goal.

Risk Assessment and Time Frame Considerations
For a two-year investment period, risk management becomes paramount. Equity mutual funds, while offering higher returns over the long term, can be volatile in the short term. The market fluctuations might not align with your investment horizon. Hence, balancing risk and return is key.

Debt funds, on the other hand, offer more stability and lower returns. Considering your goal of achieving a 12-15% return, we need a blend of funds that can potentially meet your expectations while minimizing risk.

Diversification for Stability and Growth
Diversifying your investments can help manage risk better. By spreading your Rs 10 lacs across different types of funds, you can achieve a balanced portfolio. Let's explore the categories:

Short-term Debt Funds: These funds invest in securities with shorter durations. They offer stability and better returns than traditional savings accounts or fixed deposits.

Hybrid Funds: These funds combine equity and debt investments. They provide a balance of growth and stability, which is crucial for your two-year horizon.

Actively Managed Funds: These funds involve professional fund managers actively making investment decisions to outperform the market. Although they come with higher fees, they have the potential to provide better returns than index funds.

Understanding the Disadvantages of Index Funds
While index funds are popular for long-term investments due to their low costs, they might not be the best option for your two-year goal. Index funds track the market, which can be volatile in the short term. Actively managed funds, although costlier, can navigate market fluctuations better and potentially offer higher returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Through an MFD with CFP Credential
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) who is also a CFP can be advantageous. They provide personalized advice, helping you choose the right mix of funds. They also assist in managing your portfolio actively, ensuring it aligns with your goals.

Regular funds, managed by professionals, can adapt to market conditions, potentially offering better returns than direct funds. This guidance is especially valuable given your short investment horizon.

Investment Strategy: A Detailed Plan
Here’s a suggested investment strategy:

Allocate 40% to Short-term Debt Funds: These funds offer stability and decent returns, minimizing the risk of capital loss. This portion ensures that a significant part of your investment remains secure.

Allocate 30% to Hybrid Funds: These funds balance equity and debt, providing moderate growth potential with controlled risk. They can offer better returns than pure debt funds while maintaining some stability.

Allocate 30% to Actively Managed Equity Funds: Although riskier, these funds can provide the growth needed to achieve your target returns. The active management aspect aims to outperform the market and mitigate risks.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regular monitoring of your investments is crucial, especially with a short-term goal. Market conditions can change, affecting your portfolio's performance. Rebalancing ensures your investments stay aligned with your goals.

Potential Risks and Mitigation
Investing always involves risks. Market volatility, economic changes, and interest rate fluctuations can impact returns. However, a well-diversified portfolio mitigates these risks. By combining debt, hybrid, and equity funds, you can achieve a balanced approach.

Tax Considerations
Mutual fund investments come with tax implications. Short-term capital gains tax (STCG) applies to equity funds held for less than a year. For debt funds, holding them for over three years can provide indexation benefits, reducing tax liability. However, given your two-year horizon, STCG might apply.

Empathy and Understanding Your Concerns
I understand your concern for your children's future and the importance of making the right investment decisions. Education is a significant milestone, and ensuring you have the necessary funds is crucial. Your proactive approach to planning is commendable.

Genuine Compliments
Your dedication to securing your children's education shows your commitment and foresight. Taking the time to plan your investments reflects a responsible and thoughtful approach to financial planning.

Final Insights
Investing Rs 10 lacs for your children's education in 2026 requires a careful balance of risk and return. By diversifying your investments across short-term debt, hybrid, and actively managed equity funds, you can achieve your goal while managing risks. Regular monitoring and rebalancing are essential to stay on track.

Working with a Certified Financial Planner can provide you with personalized advice and professional management, ensuring your investments align with your objectives. Your commitment to planning for your children's future is admirable, and with the right strategy, you can achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
Money
i have to invest 20 lacs in mutual fund lump sum. please suggest.
Ans: Investing Rs. 20 lakhs in mutual funds is a significant decision. It requires careful planning and consideration to ensure that your money works effectively for you. Let’s explore the various aspects of this investment, providing a comprehensive, 360-degree view to help you make an informed decision.

Understanding Your Investment Goal
First, let’s understand your financial goals. Are you investing for retirement, a child’s education, buying a house, or simply wealth creation? Knowing your goal helps in choosing the right type of mutual funds.

Importance of Lump Sum Investment
Lump sum investments can be very effective if timed correctly. However, market volatility can impact returns. Diversification and professional management in mutual funds can help mitigate these risks.

Why Mutual Funds?
Mutual funds are a popular investment choice because they offer diversification, professional management, and liquidity. They cater to different risk appetites and investment horizons, making them suitable for a variety of financial goals.

Active vs. Passive Funds
When choosing mutual funds, you might hear about index funds or ETFs. These are passive funds tracking market indices. They are cost-effective but might not be the best choice for maximizing returns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply follow the market, whether it’s up or down. They lack flexibility and don’t adjust to market conditions. This can limit growth opportunities.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, on the other hand, have fund managers who make strategic decisions based on market conditions. This active management can potentially offer higher returns, making them a better option for lump sum investments.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds may seem attractive due to lower expense ratios. However, they require significant market knowledge and constant monitoring. Managing direct funds without professional guidance can be challenging.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Regular funds, invested through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential, offer professional advice and ongoing support. This guidance ensures your investments are well-managed and aligned with your financial goals.

Types of Mutual Funds to Consider
Equity Funds
Equity funds invest in stocks and aim for high returns. They are suitable for long-term goals like retirement or wealth creation.

Balanced Funds
Also known as hybrid funds, these invest in both equities and debt. They provide a balanced approach, offering moderate returns with reduced risk. They are ideal for medium to long-term goals.

Debt Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and treasury bills. They are less volatile than equity funds and provide stable returns. These are suitable if you have a lower risk tolerance.

Aggressive Hybrid Funds
These funds have a higher allocation to equities compared to balanced funds but still maintain a significant portion in debt. They offer potential for higher returns while cushioning against extreme market volatility.

Dynamic Bond Funds
These funds adjust their portfolio duration based on interest rate changes. They can take advantage of varying market conditions, making them a flexible option for medium to long-term investments.

Diversification and Asset Allocation
Diversification reduces risk by spreading investments across different assets. For your Rs. 20 lakh investment, a mix of equity and debt funds is ideal. Equities provide growth, while debt offers stability. Asset allocation based on your risk tolerance ensures your portfolio is not overly exposed to market fluctuations.

Systematic Transfer Plan (STP)
Instead of investing the entire Rs. 20 lakhs in one go, consider using a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP). STP allows you to invest in a liquid or debt fund initially and then systematically transfer fixed amounts into equity funds. This method helps in mitigating market volatility.

Role of Certified Financial Planners
Engaging a Certified Financial Planner ensures your investments align with your goals. They provide personalized advice, helping you choose the right funds and maintain the necessary discipline. They also help in monitoring your portfolio and making adjustments as needed.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual funds offer tax benefits that can enhance your returns. Equity funds held for over a year qualify for long-term capital gains tax at a lower rate. Debt funds held for over three years benefit from indexation, reducing the tax burden. Understanding these nuances helps in maximizing your returns.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is essential to ensure it stays on track. Market conditions and personal circumstances change, necessitating adjustments. Rebalancing involves realigning the portfolio to the desired asset allocation, ensuring it meets your goal within the stipulated time.

Handling Existing Investments
If you hold LIC, ULIP, or other investment cum insurance policies, consider their performance and costs. These products often have high charges and might not offer the best returns. Surrendering these policies and reinvesting the proceeds into mutual funds can be a better strategy.

Emergency Fund
Before investing the entire Rs. 20 lakhs, ensure you have an emergency fund. This fund should cover 3-6 months of expenses, providing a safety net for unforeseen circumstances. It ensures you don’t have to dip into your investment for emergencies.

Understanding Risk Tolerance
Every investor has a different risk tolerance. Assessing yours is crucial to choose the right mix of mutual funds. Discussing your comfort level with a Certified Financial Planner helps in aligning your investments with your risk appetite.

Financial Discipline
Staying disciplined in your investment approach is crucial. Avoid unnecessary withdrawals and stick to your plan. Financial discipline is the foundation of successful investment planning.

Reviewing Insurance Needs
Adequate insurance coverage is essential. Ensure you have sufficient health and life insurance before focusing on investments. This protects your savings and ensures your financial plan remains intact in case of unforeseen events.

Setting Realistic Expectations
While mutual funds can offer good returns, it’s essential to have realistic expectations. Understand that investments are subject to market risks, and returns can fluctuate. Having a clear understanding helps in staying committed to your investment plan.

Leveraging Professional Advice
Certified Financial Planners offer comprehensive advice tailored to your goals. They assist in selecting suitable mutual funds, planning investments, and making informed decisions. Their expertise helps in navigating the complexities of financial planning.

Building a Contingency Plan
While planning your investment, it’s wise to have a contingency plan. Life is unpredictable, and having a backup ensures your primary goal isn’t compromised. This might include an additional savings account or a short-term investment fund.

Advantages of Regular Funds
Regular funds provide continuous support from financial advisors. They help in managing investments, understanding market trends, and making informed choices. This guidance is invaluable, especially for significant investments like Rs. 20 lakhs.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid common mistakes like emotional investing, lack of diversification, or ignoring professional advice. Staying informed and disciplined is key to successful investment planning. Engage with your Certified Financial Planner regularly to stay on track.

Evaluating Fund Performance
Assessing the performance of mutual funds is vital. Look beyond past returns and consider factors like fund manager expertise, fund house reputation, and investment strategy. A thorough evaluation ensures you choose funds that align with your financial goals.

The Power of Compounding
Compounding plays a significant role in wealth accumulation. The earlier you start, the more you benefit from the power of compounding. Investing Rs. 20 lakhs wisely in mutual funds can significantly grow your corpus over time.

Building Your Investment Portfolio Step-by-Step
Assess Current Financial Situation

Evaluate your income, expenses, and existing investments. Determine how much you can comfortably invest as a lump sum.

Set Clear Goals

Define your investment goals and timeline. Understand your risk tolerance and liquidity needs.

Choose Suitable Mutual Funds

Select a mix of equity and debt funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Consider Systematic Transfer Plan (STP)

Use STP to mitigate market volatility by transferring funds systematically from a debt fund to equity funds.

Monitor and Rebalance

Regularly review your portfolio and make necessary adjustments. Rebalancing ensures your investments remain aligned with your goals.

Stay Disciplined

Stick to your investment plan and avoid unnecessary withdrawals. Financial discipline is key to achieving your financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing Rs. 20 lakhs in mutual funds is a significant step towards financial growth. Mutual funds offer diversification, professional management, and potential for high returns. Focus on a mix of equity and debt funds to balance risk and reward.

Engage with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and ongoing support. They help in selecting suitable funds, planning investments, and staying disciplined. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your goals.

Avoid common pitfalls, stay informed, and maintain financial discipline. With the right approach, you can achieve your financial goals and secure your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 23, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir.. i want to invest 20 lacs in Mutual funds for another 10 year. Please suggested..
Ans: You want to invest Rs. 20 lakh in mutual funds for 10 years.

A 10-year horizon allows for a mix of growth and stability.

Let's explore a suitable investment strategy.

Risk Appetite and Asset Allocation
Understanding your risk appetite is key.

A balanced approach suits a 10-year period.

Equity Funds: High growth potential but higher risk.

Debt Funds: Stable returns with lower risk.

Hybrid Funds: Balance of equity and debt for moderate risk and returns.

Recommended Fund Types
Large-Cap Funds

Invest in large, stable companies.
Offer steady growth with lower risk.
Mid-Cap Funds

Invest in medium-sized companies.
Potential for higher growth than large-cap funds.
Small-Cap Funds

Invest in smaller companies.
High growth potential but higher risk.
Flexi-Cap Funds

Invest across large, mid, and small-cap companies.
Balanced risk and return.
Debt Funds

Invest in government and corporate bonds.
Provide stability and reduce overall risk.
Hybrid Funds

Mix of equity and debt investments.
Suitable for moderate risk tolerance.
Why Avoid Index Funds?
Index funds follow the market without active management.

Active funds aim to outperform the market.

Actively managed funds offer better potential for higher returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Management

Managed by experienced professionals.
Regular monitoring and adjustments.
Personal Guidance

Certified Financial Planner provides tailored advice.
Helps in selecting the best funds and strategy.
Investment Strategy
Diversification is key to managing risk and maximizing returns.

Example Allocation

Large-Cap Fund: 40%
Mid-Cap Fund: 20%
Small-Cap Fund: 10%
Flexi-Cap Fund: 10%
Debt Fund: 10%
Hybrid Fund: 10%
Regular Monitoring and Review
Review your investments annually.

Adjust based on performance and market conditions.

Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner.

Benefits of Regular Funds over Direct Funds
Direct funds lack expert guidance.

Regular funds offer professional management.

Certified Financial Planners provide valuable insights.

Final Insights
Investing Rs. 20 lakh in mutual funds for 10 years is a wise decision.

Choose a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds.

Regularly review and adjust your portfolio.

Seek professional guidance to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |171 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I'm 37 and I just started to invest in MFs regularly. My investments are listed below. Except a couple of them, all of them are either 1 month to a few days old. As mentioned below, started SIP of 40000 between Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 and Nippon india small cap. I would like to invest 40000 more in SIPs making my total investment as 1CR over the next 10 years, in the hopes of creating a portfolio of 2 CR with a 12% return on year. I understand that there are 11 MFs here but appreciate your suggestions on trimming this down while meeting the above mentioned financial goal. Thanks. 1. Motilal Oswal Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value 50000: 2. Nippon India Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 50000: 3. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value:70277: 4. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Reg-G: One Time: Investment: 24998: Current Value:38598: 5. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 52727: 6. Axis ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment:30000: Current Value: 63863: 7. Nippon India Large Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 49999.99: Current Value: 52358: 8. Motilal Oswal Midcap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 54061: 9. Quant Small Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 100000: Current Value: 103437: 10. Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 Dir-G: SIP: Investment:19999.98 Current Value: 20319: 11. Nippon India Small Cap Dir-G: SIP: Investment: 20000: Current Value 20040:
Ans: 1. Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index is a recently introduced index and hence also your funds based on this index. The back tested results look attractive however I recommend you to monitor them closely for 2-3 years and if you feel not sure about their progress you may exit and redeploy proceeds into PPFAS flexicap fund and Nippon large cap fund.

2. The additional 40 K sip proposed maybe split between either ELSS(for tax saving too) or PPFAS flexicap and Nippon India large cap fund.

3. You may merge your ELSS investments into one fund, my advice would be Mirae Asset ELSS.

4. This will help rationalize number of funds in your portfolio from 10(+2) to 7.

5. Discipline, focus and periodic review in MF investment are a must!

6. As you reach closer to your target transfer the gains from equity funds to liquid/debt funds to protect it from volatility.

I am quite hopeful that you may very well achieve the intended target with the right approach.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

Happy Investing!!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi
Relationship
I met a women through a matrimonial site. I live abroad and she lives in India. I am 42 and she is 40 years old. We spoke for about 6 months. Then I came to India. Spent some time together and even met the parents. We both like each other. And have the blessings of the parents. But the problem is distance. I am very close to attaining citizenship. But still see that the process and getting an OCI could take at least 2 years. She has a good job with the central government in India. She has decent career prospects, in the country where I live. Initially, she was not interested in marrying anyone living abroad. I raised this with her when we spoke. She had come to where I live for a short diploma course, and was okay in talking with me. When I met her parents, they were also okay with her moving abroad. So far things have been good, but now we are trying to fix the dates for marriage, and trying to solve the long distance issue. I suggested that she could take a sabbatical and spend some time, or if possible pursue higher education. so she need not leave her job in India. Given her current background she also has good career prospects already. However she panics now every time I try to breach this topic. She is scared even to research n life abroad, and now she feels it is better we break up. She admits that , she is a chronic overthinker, I have been very careful in dealing with difficult topics. She has had a relatively easy life, whereas I am used to dealing with challenges personal and professional setbacks. It is really difficult to connect with someone, irrespective of age. I have worked for 18 years in India, and not keen to go through the toxic culture and harsh corporate life. She has a transferable job in India, so even in India we might struggle to be together. I am okay with retiring, from a corpoarte jb and seeking another career which would keep me financially independant and help me lead a meanigful existene. I am exploring ways, but thiis is going to take time. We both considered all the scenarios, and agreed that if she finds a good job abroad, would be relatiely the easier path. But now she is not even ready to consider this and becomes very anxious. . I feel I am more, happy healthy living abroad than in India. I was diabetic in India, and am now off medicines , after moving abroad. It has been easier for me to lead a happy and healthy life abroad, even though I live alone. I am wondering how to approach this. I do not want to hurt anyone. I can understand why she is anxious. I have told her that she does not have to leave her job, she only has to research if she has good prospects. I even offered to get her in touch with folks who have made such transition. I gave her contact details of consultants who can advic her on her career prospects. Visa etc is not an issue. Please advise if I can salvage this relationship or better to accept defeat. I really like her and do not want to hurt her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your concerns. It is a tough choice- both for you and her. On one hand, we can't completely deny her concerns either. She has a good job here and the fear is only fair. But, given her chronic overthinking, she must have already created a worse scenario in her head. It sounds like you both are in a difficult spot where you care for each other deeply but life-changing decisions are creating anxiety. No matter how much you tell her, it isn't going to help. She has to come to terms with it herself. but there are some things you can do to speed up the process-

Acknowledge the fear- Don't make her feel like she is wrong to think this way, or that she is merely overthinking. There is some logic to her fears. Acknowledge that. It does not mean you are encouraging them. Just let her know that any big life decisions are bound to cause some panic in a person and her feelings are completely valid.

Encourage her to take small steps- Instead of asking her to talk to people who have made the shift, try casually including stories of such people in a normal daily conversation once in a while. It would not feel like a commitment but also give her an idea.

Frame the discussion in a better way- For instance, instead of focusing on the move, discuss the life you will be building together. This will give her a scope to see what she can gain if only she can get over her fears.

Do not rush- Big life decisions can't be taken in a hurry. So, give her that space and time. In the meantime, you can continue with life as it was. Let her know that there isn't a timeframe within which she has to decide. This isn't an ultimatum. Sometimes a few kind words can make all the difference.

It's still not time to give up. Is she worth trying a little more? If yes, try. Create a space that is free of judgment where she can openly share her worries, no matter how trivial they might be. It can seem that you are putting in all the effort, but for a chronic overthinker, even considering or trying to overcome a set fear is a big task. Give her a little more time. I am sure things will work out soon.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
So, i've started talking to this girl who was a classmate during my college. We've never talked all this time... But we started talking only after 7 years... She was currently working near my home town.. and i am working in a neighbouring state. It is 3 or 4months now.. we are talking and we liked each other...like.. we were in the same situations in life... Like.. we both lost our mothers.. and we are from the same community.. but the deadlock came here in the guise of religion. She belongs to one and i belong to another... Even though we both from same caste... We had a discussion before like.. even though we like each other... she cant move forward in relation because of religion. We had am understanding for sometime... But recently we had a discussion over the same topic and we had a fight... Now the girl and i are not fully talking to each other... Cause she was frightened on what could happen to us if we move forward in a relationship and it fails... Because we are not a stage to try and test things because we both are 29 and you know how it will be in family for a girl... So pleaseee give me advice how to save this relationship... Because i dont want to miss this girl at all. Please...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tough spot, but if she has truly made up her mind not to proceed with the relationship, especially based on something as sensitive as religion, I cannot advise you to pursue her or try to convince her further. The only thing you can do is have one last open discussion where you express your feelings and the things you are willing to do to make this relationship work out. And for one last time, you can ask her, and only ask, if she would be willing to give it another try. If the answer is still a no, I am sorry, but it would not be wise to continue pushing this. If religion is important to her or an integral part of her family values, it would be selfish to ask her to set that aside for you.

I hope things work out for you.


Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir, I’m planning to start a new life with my girlfriend for rest of my life leaving our both families aside. Reason to do that is, I’m recently married with other girl, and my gf married to other guy. We both didn’t even completed 6 months. We are not happy with our life partners. The reason we Got married to other is lack of courage to fight elders by my girlfriend but now she is ready to do fight or even leave them aside for me and start a new complete life.I’m a simple corporate working guy. We are completely decided to live together whatever happens. Our parents wont accept us as they are thinking about our married partners. Whats the best advice you would give to us to start new life in other state?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

This is a huge decision. First, I would advise both of you to think this through. I am not discouraging you because a broken marriage is far better than a forced one. But if you have even the slightest tinge of doubt, don't rush it. A lot of people are involved in this.

Here are my two cents-

Respect your current marriage- Even if you decide to leave your spouses, you have to handle this situation responsibly and with respect. You are in love with each other, but your current partners are going to suffer for it, through no fault of their own. The least you can do is part ways with kindness and integrity.

Legalities- Divorces can be a long and complicated process. It takes a financial and mental toll on people. Be prepared for that, especially since you do not have the support of your family.

Mental health- Here I am not only talking about your mental health, you need to consider your current spouse's mental health too. And though leaving behind your family seems to be the only option, it is still a big decision. Make sure both you and your girlfriend are in the right frame of mind when you finalize the decision.

As for building a new life in a new city, as exciting as it is, it will be equally challenging. Plan everything to the last detail- finances, living arrangements, job, etc. Before you make the move, make sure both of you are financially independent and self-sufficient. That's the only way to tackle any hurdles.

My best advice is to make this decision very carefully and approach the situation with empathy for all parties involved. I urge you to be honest with your current partner, instead of ever resorting to gaslighting. This is on you, but it would be easy to pin this on your spouse. Don't take the easy route. Take the right one.

I hope things work out for you with no one getting irreparably hurt.

Best wishes.

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