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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4209 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
Money

Hello sir , i got admission in NIT durgapur in mtech.I am thinking of taking education loan of 83,100 /- (food and staying cover) 3 sem ( from 2nd sem) gap of six months 8.5 interest rate. I will get 12400 /- monthly . Where should I invest this to pay back in 2 years without momenterium period.

Ans: Let's dive into your financial planning for paying back your education loan while making the most of your monthly stipend.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Congratulations on securing admission to NIT Durgapur for your MTech! This is a significant milestone and a great achievement. You've mentioned considering an education loan of Rs. 83,100 at an interest rate of 8.5% to cover your food and staying expenses for three semesters starting from the second semester, with a six-month gap. Additionally, you will receive a monthly stipend of Rs. 12,400. Let's discuss how to invest this stipend wisely to pay back your loan within two years without a moratorium period.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
It's essential to set clear financial goals to streamline your investment strategy. Your primary goal is to repay the education loan of Rs. 83,100 within two years. Given your stipend of Rs. 12,400 per month, we can break down the strategy into manageable steps to achieve this goal.

Building an Investment Strategy
Diversifying Your Investments
Diversification is the key to balancing risk and returns. You should invest your stipend in a mix of financial instruments to ensure steady growth and mitigate risks. Here are some options to consider:

Mutual Funds
Investing in mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide you with a diversified portfolio managed by experts. Actively managed funds often outperform index funds due to the expertise of fund managers. Look for funds with a good track record and consistent performance.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This approach helps in averaging out the cost of investments over time. Given your monthly stipend, you can allocate a portion to SIPs, ensuring a disciplined investment habit.

Debt Funds
Debt funds are relatively safer and provide moderate returns. These funds invest in government securities, corporate bonds, and other fixed-income instruments. They are less volatile than equity funds, making them suitable for short-term goals like your loan repayment.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Understanding your risk tolerance is crucial in selecting the right investment mix. Since your goal is short-term (two years), a conservative to moderate risk approach is advisable. Avoid highly volatile investments that could jeopardize your loan repayment plan.

Creating an Investment Plan
Monthly Budget Allocation
To repay the loan within two years, you need to invest your stipend effectively. Here’s a suggested allocation:

SIPs in Mutual Funds: Allocate Rs. 6,000 per month to SIPs in actively managed mutual funds. This ensures exposure to equity markets with professional management.

Debt Funds: Allocate Rs. 4,000 per month to debt funds. These funds provide stability and moderate returns, ensuring a balanced portfolio.

Emergency Fund: Set aside Rs. 2,400 per month for any unforeseen expenses. Having an emergency fund is essential to avoid dipping into your investments.

Reviewing and Adjusting
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your repayment goal. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. Consult your CFP to make necessary adjustments based on performance and market trends.

Benefits of Professional Guidance
Expertise and Knowledge
A Certified Financial Planner brings expertise and knowledge to the table. They can guide you in selecting the right mutual funds and debt instruments, considering your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Personalized Advice
CFPs provide personalized advice tailored to your unique financial situation. They consider factors like your income, expenses, financial goals, and risk appetite to create a customized investment plan.

Long-Term Financial Planning
Beyond repaying your education loan, a CFP can assist in long-term financial planning. They can help you set and achieve other financial goals, such as building a corpus for higher studies, buying a home, or planning for retirement.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
High-Risk Investments
Avoid high-risk investments like direct equities or speculative ventures. These can offer high returns but also come with significant risks, which are not suitable for short-term goals like loan repayment.

Index Funds
While index funds are popular, actively managed funds can provide better returns through expert management. Index funds simply mimic the market index, lacking the potential for higher gains through strategic investments.

Direct Funds
Direct mutual funds may seem appealing due to lower costs, but investing through a CFP provides professional guidance. This ensures your investments are aligned with your financial goals and risk profile, maximizing your returns.

Benefits of SIPs and Mutual Funds
Compounding Returns
SIPs leverage the power of compounding, where the returns earned are reinvested to generate further returns. This can significantly boost your investment growth over time.

Rupee Cost Averaging
SIPs help in averaging out the cost of investments by purchasing more units when prices are low and fewer units when prices are high. This reduces the impact of market volatility.

Flexibility
SIPs offer flexibility in terms of investment amount and duration. You can start with a small amount and increase it as your financial situation improves.

Managing Debt Responsibly
Timely Repayments
Ensure timely repayment of your education loan to avoid accumulating interest. Late payments can lead to penalties and increased financial burden.

Prepayment Options
Consider prepaying your loan whenever possible. Prepayment reduces the principal amount, subsequently lowering the interest burden. Check with your lender for prepayment terms and conditions.

Financial Discipline
Budgeting
Create a monthly budget to track your income and expenses. This helps in identifying areas where you can cut costs and allocate more towards investments.

Avoiding Unnecessary Expenses
Limit unnecessary expenses and focus on essential spending. This ensures more funds are available for investments, accelerating your loan repayment plan.

Emergency Fund
Building an emergency fund is crucial for financial stability. It provides a safety net for unexpected expenses, preventing you from dipping into your investment corpus.

Staying Informed
Regular Updates
Stay informed about your investments by regularly checking their performance. Use financial news, market analysis, and updates from your CFP to make informed decisions.

Continuous Learning
Educate yourself about different investment options and market trends. Continuous learning helps in making better investment choices and understanding the financial landscape.

Feedback from CFP
Regularly seek feedback from your CFP regarding your investment strategy. They can provide valuable insights and recommendations based on market conditions and your financial goals.

Final Insights
Repaying your education loan within two years is achievable with disciplined investing and financial planning. By diversifying your investments, assessing your risk tolerance, and seeking professional guidance, you can effectively manage your stipend and achieve your goal. Remember to stay informed, maintain financial discipline, and regularly review your investment portfolio.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
Asked on - Jul 01, 2024 | Answered on Jul 01, 2024
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Thank you sir
Ans: You're welcome! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask. Best wishes on your financial journey!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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I m 40 yrs now, earning 1.5 lacs a month in hand, monthly investment are-- 12500 ppf, Quant midcap 15k, HDFC midcap 10k, pgim midcap 5k, quant smallcap 5k, Nippon smallcap 5k, parag parekh flexicap 5k, pgim flexicap 5k, quant active 5k,Nippon multicap 5k, HDFC multicap 5k Nps, apy 7k. Total monthly inv around 84k Hv given 30 lacs unsecured loan to friend from where earning 60k per month want to invest this money monthly, where to invest?
Ans: It's commendable that you're making significant investments towards securing your financial future. Given your current financial situation and the surplus income from the unsecured loan, here are some suggestions on how you can invest the additional 60,000 rupees per month:

Emergency Fund: Before considering additional investments, ensure you have an adequate emergency fund set aside to cover unexpected expenses or financial setbacks. Aim to have 3-6 months' worth of living expenses saved in a liquid and easily accessible account.
Debt Repayment: Given that you've provided an unsecured loan to a friend, consider prioritizing the repayment of this debt. Focus on reducing or eliminating high-interest loans to free up cash flow and reduce financial stress.
Diversified Investments: Allocate a portion of the surplus income towards building a diversified investment portfolio. Consider investing in a mix of equity mutual funds, debt instruments, and other investment avenues based on your risk tolerance and investment goals.
Equity Mutual Funds: Since you already have significant exposure to mid-cap and small-cap funds, consider diversifying further by investing in large-cap or multi-cap funds. These funds offer exposure to different segments of the market and can help mitigate risk.
Debt Instruments: Given the volatility of the stock market, consider allocating a portion of your surplus income towards debt instruments such as fixed deposits, bonds, or debt mutual funds. These investments offer stability and steady returns over time.
Real Estate: If you have a long-term horizon and are willing to take on the associated risks, consider exploring opportunities in real estate investment. However, ensure you conduct thorough research and due diligence before making any real estate investments.
Seek Professional Advice: Given the complexity of financial planning and investment management, consider consulting with a certified financial planner or investment advisor. They can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance.
By diversifying your investments, prioritizing debt repayment, and seeking professional advice, you can make informed decisions to secure your financial future and achieve your long-term financial goals.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4209 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
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Sir I am currently a student working as pg resident in government college l. My monthly stipend is 70000 of which I want to use 60000 in investment for upcoming future. I want to continue doing it for 3 years and if I get help from yours kind suggestion I will continue to do so. Humbly request you to guide me sir ????????
Ans: Your proactive approach towards financial planning while still a student is commendable. Let's craft a plan to make the most out of your stipend and set a strong foundation for your future.

With a monthly stipend of 70,000 rupees, allocating 60,000 towards investments is a smart move. Over three years, this disciplined approach can yield significant results.

Since you're still in the early stages of your career, investing in yourself should be a priority. Consider setting aside a portion of your investment for further education or skill development that could enhance your earning potential in the future.

For the remaining portion, explore investment options that offer a balance of growth potential and stability. Since you're not keen on index funds, you could opt for actively managed funds recommended by a Certified Financial Planner. These funds have the potential to generate higher returns over time.

Additionally, consider diversifying your investment portfolio to mitigate risk. Look into options like mutual funds, stocks, or even starting a small SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) in equity or debt instruments.

As you continue your residency and progress in your career, revisit your investment strategy periodically to adjust it according to your changing financial goals and risk appetite.

Remember, consistency is key. Stick to your investment plan diligently, and you'll likely see the benefits over the long term.

Your commitment to financial planning at this stage bodes well for your future financial well-being. Keep up the good work!

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4209 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

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Sir I am aged 45 years. I am earning Rs2 Lakhs per month. As a beginner I am investing Rs.3000 per month for the last 8 months in the following MFs. Please advise if these funds are good or any suggest any other best fund. Motilal Oswal Flexicap Fund Direct Plan Growth Nippon India Multi Cap Fund - Direct Plan – Growth HDFC Flexi Cap Fund -Direct Plan - Growth Option Regards Krishna
Ans: Hello Krishna,

Thank you for reaching out. It's wonderful that you’re taking steps towards securing your financial future. At 45, earning Rs 2 Lakhs monthly and investing Rs 3,000 per month in mutual funds is a commendable start. Let’s dive into the evaluation of your current investment strategy and explore if there are areas for enhancement.

Understanding Your Current Mutual Fund Investments
You’re investing in mutual funds for the past 8 months, which is great. Mutual funds are excellent for beginners due to their diversification and professional management. Each mutual fund in your portfolio offers exposure to various sectors and market capitalizations. This diversification helps in managing risk and enhancing potential returns. Let's explore the general categories of mutual funds:

Flexicap Funds: These funds invest across market capitalizations—large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap. They provide flexibility to the fund manager to switch between these caps based on market conditions, aiming for a balance between growth and stability.

Multi-Cap Funds: These funds invest in companies of different sizes, like large, mid, and small caps. They offer diversification and are less volatile compared to single cap funds, providing a steady growth potential over time.

Evaluating Your Mutual Fund Choices
Your choice of funds seems balanced and diversified. However, let’s assess the general aspects of each category to ensure they align with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Flexicap Funds:
Flexicap funds are a great choice for investors looking for flexibility. These funds adapt to market changes by shifting allocations across different market caps. The ability to move investments between large, mid, and small caps helps in capturing growth opportunities while managing risks.

Pros:

Dynamic Allocation: Fund managers can switch between caps based on market opportunities.
Balanced Risk: Offers a good mix of stability and growth potential.
Long-Term Growth: Suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Cons:

Management Risk: Performance heavily depends on the fund manager's skills.
Higher Costs: Flexibility and active management can lead to higher expenses.
Multi-Cap Funds:
Multi-cap funds invest in large, mid, and small-cap stocks, providing a broad market exposure. They are typically less volatile than single-cap funds and can capture growth across different segments of the market.

Pros:

Diversification: Broad exposure reduces risk by spreading investments.
Growth Potential: Capable of capturing growth from all market segments.
Steady Returns: Provides a balance of stability and growth.
Cons:

Moderate Risk: Though less risky than single-cap funds, they still carry moderate market risk.
Management Variability: Success depends on the fund manager's ability to choose the right stocks.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
While direct funds have lower expense ratios, they require extensive knowledge and market awareness. Let's break down the potential drawbacks:

Complexity: Managing direct funds requires deep market knowledge and regular monitoring.
Lack of Guidance: Without a certified financial planner, you might miss out on expert advice.
Time-Consuming: Researching and monitoring these funds can be time-intensive.
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential can be beneficial. They provide valuable advice, help with fund selection, and monitor your portfolio, ensuring it aligns with your goals.

The Importance of Professional Guidance
Given your current earnings and age, professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be crucial. Here’s why:

Goal Alignment: A CFP can help align your investments with long-term financial goals.
Risk Management: They assess your risk tolerance and adjust your portfolio accordingly.
Tax Efficiency: Provide strategies to minimize tax liabilities on your investments.
Holistic Approach: They consider all aspects of your financial health, not just investments.
Power of Compounding in Mutual Funds
Compounding is a powerful concept in mutual funds. It’s the process where the earnings on your investments generate their own earnings. Here’s how it works and why it’s crucial:

Growth Over Time: Regular investments grow exponentially over time, increasing your wealth.
Reinvestment: Mutual funds reinvest earnings, boosting your capital base.
Early Start: Starting early maximizes the compounding effect, leading to substantial growth over decades.
For instance, your Rs 3,000 monthly investment, if continued consistently and wisely managed, can grow significantly over 10-20 years due to the compounding effect.

Benefits of Investing in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer numerous advantages, especially for beginners. Here are key benefits to keep in mind:

Diversification: Reduces risk by spreading investments across various sectors and asset classes.
Professional Management: Funds are managed by experienced professionals who make informed investment decisions.
Liquidity: Mutual funds are relatively liquid, allowing easy access to your money when needed.
Accessibility: They provide access to a wide range of assets with small initial investments.
Cost-Effectiveness: Compared to direct stock investments, mutual funds are cost-effective due to shared costs.
Risks Associated with Mutual Fund Investments
While mutual funds are beneficial, they come with certain risks that investors should be aware of:

Market Risk: Investments are subject to market fluctuations, which can impact returns.
Management Risk: The performance depends on the fund manager’s decisions and expertise.
Liquidity Risk: While generally liquid, some funds may have liquidity constraints in adverse market conditions.
Interest Rate Risk: Particularly relevant to bond funds, where changing interest rates affect fund values.
Understanding these risks helps in making informed investment decisions and aligning them with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Strategic Tips for Mutual Fund Investing
To optimize your mutual fund investments, consider these strategic tips:

Set Clear Goals: Define your financial goals, time horizon, and risk tolerance.
Diversify Wisely: Spread investments across different asset classes and sectors to manage risk.
Regular Review: Periodically review your portfolio with a CFP to ensure it aligns with your goals.
Stay Invested: Avoid the temptation to time the market. Staying invested for the long term often yields better returns.
Monitor Performance: Keep an eye on fund performance, but avoid frequent switching based on short-term trends.
Adapting Your Strategy Over Time
As you progress in your investment journey, your strategy should adapt to your changing financial circumstances and goals. Here’s how to approach it:

Life Stage Consideration: Adjust your portfolio as you move through different life stages, balancing risk and return according to your needs.
Goal-Based Allocation: Align your investments with specific financial goals like retirement, children’s education, or purchasing a home.
Risk Adjustment: Regularly reassess and adjust your risk exposure based on market conditions and personal circumstances.
Increase Contributions: As your income grows, consider increasing your monthly investment to accelerate wealth accumulation.
Final Insights
You’re off to a great start with your mutual fund investments. By understanding the categories of funds and their advantages and risks, you’re already ahead. Investing through a CFP can provide invaluable guidance and help tailor your investments to your financial goals.

Remember, mutual funds are powerful tools for wealth creation, offering diversification, professional management, and the potential for significant growth through compounding. Continue investing regularly, stay informed, and adapt your strategy as needed. This approach will help you achieve financial stability and growth in the long run.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi i am 39 year old my in hand salary after tax is 51 lpm I have fixed deposit worth 80 lac ppf of 34 lac, I have own flat fully paid, mutual fund around 13 lac,10 lac emergency fund, my wife housewife and son is 3 year old, what can I do to plan my retirement my current yearly expense is around 9 lacs and I don't have any loan
Ans: Planning for retirement is crucial, and it's wonderful that you're thinking ahead. Let's create a comprehensive plan to ensure a comfortable and secure retirement for you and your family. I'll guide you through the steps and strategies needed, addressing various aspects of your financial situation.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You have a strong financial foundation, which is great. Your current financial assets include:

Fixed Deposit: Rs. 80 lakh
PPF: Rs. 34 lakh
Mutual Funds: Rs. 13 lakh
Emergency Fund: Rs. 10 lakh
Fully Paid Flat
Your annual expenses are Rs. 9 lakh, and you have no loans. With these details in mind, we can create a solid retirement plan.

Setting Retirement Goals
First, let's set clear retirement goals. This includes determining the age you wish to retire, estimating your post-retirement expenses, and accounting for inflation.

Retirement Age: Let's assume you plan to retire at 60.
Post-Retirement Expenses: Estimating your expenses to increase with inflation, let's assume Rs. 12 lakh annually.
Your current expenses of Rs. 9 lakh will likely increase over time due to inflation. Planning for increased expenses ensures you won't fall short of funds during retirement.

Building a Retirement Corpus
To ensure a comfortable retirement, you need to build a substantial retirement corpus. Given your current financial assets and future goals, let's discuss how to achieve this.

Mutual Funds: A Key Investment
Mutual funds are a crucial part of your investment strategy. They offer diversification, professional management, and the potential for higher returns. Let's explore the categories of mutual funds and their benefits:

1. Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks. They have the potential for high returns but come with higher risk.

2. Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in bonds and fixed income securities. They are safer but offer lower returns compared to equity funds.

3. Balanced or Hybrid Funds
These funds invest in both equity and debt, providing a balance of risk and return.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Mutual funds spread investments across various assets, reducing risk.
Professional Management: Experts manage your investments, aiming for the best returns.
Liquidity: You can easily buy or sell mutual fund units.
Compounding: Reinvesting returns can lead to significant growth over time.
Risk and Power of Compounding
Mutual funds come with market risks. However, long-term investments usually balance out short-term market fluctuations. The power of compounding significantly boosts your corpus over time. By reinvesting your returns, your money grows faster.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
While index funds track market indices and come with lower fees, they lack the active management that can potentially outperform the market. Direct funds may save on commissions, but investing through a certified financial planner (CFP) provides valuable guidance and better fund selection.

Investing in Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, chosen by an experienced CFP, often outperform index funds. A CFP’s expertise helps in selecting funds tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Structuring Your Investments
Now, let's structure your investments to build a robust retirement corpus.

Emergency Fund
You already have a Rs. 10 lakh emergency fund. Keep this in a liquid or ultra-short-term debt fund to ensure quick access.

Fixed Deposits and PPF
Your fixed deposit and PPF are safe investments. However, their returns may not outpace inflation in the long term. Consider moving a portion into higher-yielding investments like mutual funds.

Diversifying Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Diversification is key. Spread your investments across various mutual funds:

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity funds for higher returns.
Debt Funds: Invest in debt funds for stability and income.
Balanced Funds: Include balanced funds to mitigate risk while aiming for growth.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Investing through SIPs ensures disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging. This strategy reduces the impact of market volatility.

Reviewing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. This ensures your investments stay aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. A CFP can provide ongoing guidance and adjustments.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning maximizes your returns. Utilize tax-saving instruments and plan withdrawals to minimize tax liabilities.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage:

Life Insurance: Protect your family’s future with sufficient life insurance.
Health Insurance: Adequate health insurance covers medical emergencies without draining your savings.
Retirement Income Streams
Plan for multiple income streams during retirement:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Use SWPs from mutual funds for regular income.
Dividends: Invest in dividend-paying funds or stocks.
Part-Time Work: Consider part-time work or consultancy for additional income.
Estate Planning
Estate planning ensures your assets are distributed as per your wishes. Prepare a will and consider trusts for efficient transfer of wealth.

Final Insights
Planning for retirement involves a multi-faceted approach. By diversifying your investments, utilizing mutual funds, and planning for tax efficiency, you can build a substantial retirement corpus. Regular reviews and adjustments with a CFP ensure you stay on track to achieve your retirement goals.

Conclusion
Planning your retirement requires careful consideration of various factors. By following the outlined strategies, you can ensure a comfortable and secure retirement for you and your family. Regularly consulting with a CFP will help you stay on track and make informed decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |241 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 26 years old. Doing job in an Mnc, earning decent enough for me and my family. I had a breakup in my early 20s with my long term girlfriend from my school days, since then I am single. Last year I met a girl at the office gym, she works in a different department. We both speak the same language so she approached me and my friend and gave her number. Then we became good friends, used to hangout everything. Even though she had a boyfriend she used to get jealous seeing me with other female friends. 3 months back, her bf married to some other girl of his cast and dumped her. She had physical relationship with her bf as she told but i never had physical with anyone. She used to come and cry in front of me and asked me once as well whether i loved her or not. I ignored as i knew she is just seeing me as an option. Nowadays she is avoiding me a lot giving excuses like she is busy and all and I feel she went into a relationship and just breadcrumbing me because of attention. I also stopped giving her free attention and barely call. But my heart still miss her. I know I don't love her and don't wanna be with her in future as she is very manipulative but being very lonely myself with no friends she used to fill a void in my life. I want her presence, attention, and maybe want to do physical with her casually as she is that type of girl who can get laid easily with someone she likes. What shall I do? I am unable to move on from this and it is affecting my career. Also I want a stable relationship with whom I can have a good future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

The answer to your question is right there in the question. You do not want her; you want her attention which will feed your ego. It's not love and you know it. If you pursue a casual or serious relationship, chances are one or both of you will get hurt. Now, you mentioned that you want a stable relationship. You should start by focusing on that.

One more thing- it is not up to us to judge someone and call them names like "that type of girl." Wanting to hook up with her casually because you think she'll let you should then make you "that type of boy." These are baseless labels and it's best not to hurl these insults at people. Focus on yourself. Find a date- you can ask your friends to set you up, or family, or you can try out a dating app. Mention that you want a serious relationship; it can increase your chances of finding the right match.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |241 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
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Before coming into our relationship I knew that my girlfriend had a past relationship of 3 years. I asked about it just to clarify if anything was there which will harm our upcoming relationship we gona Start. She mentioned that she did not liked her past relationship and other stuff and she mentioned she had not any physical relationship of any kind with her ex . But now after we came into relationship after 2 years. I found out that she had a physical relationship with her ex . But no intercourse but other stuff. I could not believe her words when she told all this and she been laying all the things I asked if it was your first time and other things. I had no such relationship as of myself and told her that I hate such types where u already experienced stuffs with others . What should I do . I like her too she too loves me . But the thing I found out haunts me and make me fill miserable
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are hurting but her past truly should not matter to you in the present. Ideally, I am not in favor of pushing people to disclose their past experiences, especially if they are not comfortable with it. But I agree that she was wrong to get into a relationship with you when you specifically showed dislike towards the things you mentioned. I suppose she liked you too much and did not want to ruin her chances. I should also mention that judging a person by their past or because they had certain kinds of relations with their ex is not fair; you were not in the picture. Regardless of it, your pain is valid. It isn't easy to come to terms with new information about your partner's past.

Now hear me out, past is in the past. It can only hurt you if you let it. Think about it properly- did she do anything in the present to hurt you? NO. Can you or she change the past? NO. Should she apologize for having a past? NO. Should you move past this and work towards a better future? That's the only thing in your control. Chose wisely. If you think you will hold her accountable for this forever, then you both should reconsider this relationship. If you think this fight is meaningless, and want to move forward with your relationship, then great.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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