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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2024Hindi
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Hello, my age is 34. I am currently investing in below MFs from this month Jan 2024 only and my target is to achieve1 Crore. How long will it take., pls advice. Quant Small cap - 5K Parag parikh Flexi cap - 5K Nippon India Growth - 5K Motilal Aswal Long and Mid cap - 10K Navi Nifty 50 ELSS - 5K

Ans: It's great to see you taking proactive steps towards your financial goals! Let's analyze your investment plan to estimate the time it might take to reach your target of 1 crore.

Assessing Investment Strategy: Your portfolio consists of a mix of small-cap, flexi-cap, growth, long & mid-cap, and ELSS funds, which offers diversification across different market segments. This diversified approach can help spread risk and potentially enhance returns.
Estimating Returns: The time it takes to reach your target depends on various factors, including the expected rate of return on your investments. While past performance is not indicative of future results, historically, equity mutual funds have delivered average annual returns ranging from 12% to 15% over the long term.
Calculating Time to Reach Goal: Using an average annual return of, say, 12%, we can estimate the time it might take to reach 1 crore. However, it's important to note that returns can vary, and market conditions may impact performance.
Considering Additional Contributions: Since you've just started investing, consider increasing your monthly contributions over time as your income grows or reallocating savings from other sources to accelerate your progress towards your goal.
Regular Monitoring and Adjustments: Keep track of your investments' performance and periodically review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals. You may need to make adjustments to your investment strategy based on changing market conditions or personal circumstances.
Consulting a Financial Advisor: Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner to develop a personalized investment plan tailored to your specific goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. They can provide valuable insights and guidance to help you stay on track towards achieving your financial objectives.
While it's challenging to predict the exact time it will take to reach your target, with disciplined investing and a well-structured portfolio, you're on the right path towards building wealth for the future. Keep focused on your goals, stay patient, and continue investing regularly to increase your chances of success.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 27, 2023Hindi
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SIR, I am investing 12000/-pm from April 23 , in following MFs. 1.Nippon India small cap @2000/- 2.Axis small cap fund direct growth @1000/- 3.SBI Magnum Mid cap@2000/- 4.Nippon india growth direct fund @1000/- 5.HDFC index S&P BSE sensex direct @2000/- 6.SBI Bluechip direct plan growth @2000/- 7.ICICI prudential bluechip @2000/- Plan for investment is 5 Yrs for a required wealth of 25 Lacs, please advice whether I am on right track.
Ans: Your investment plan seems diversified with allocations across different types of mutual funds, including small-cap, mid-cap, index funds, and large-cap funds. Here are some key points to consider:

Diversification: You have spread your investments across various categories, which can help reduce risk and enhance potential returns over the long term.

Investment Horizon: Investing for a period of 5 years is a good approach, but ensure that your investment horizon aligns with your financial goals. Since equity investments can be volatile in the short term, it's essential to stay invested for the long term to ride out market fluctuations.

Risk Assessment: Small-cap and mid-cap funds tend to be riskier than large-cap and index funds due to their higher volatility. Make sure you are comfortable with the risk level associated with these investments based on your risk tolerance and investment objectives.

Review and Adjust: Regularly review your portfolio's performance and make adjustments if needed. Consider rebalancing your portfolio periodically to maintain your desired asset allocation and risk level.

Professional Advice: If you're uncertain about your investment strategy or need personalized guidance, consider consulting with a financial advisor who can provide tailored recommendations based on your financial situation and goals.

Overall, your investment plan appears to be on the right track, but it's crucial to monitor your investments regularly and stay informed about market developments. Adjust your strategy as needed to stay on course towards achieving your wealth accumulation goal of 25 lakhs in 5 years.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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I'm 44 now. started sip in 2023 for 25000/p.m. 5000 in each mf named quant small cap fund, tata digital fund, HDFC defence fund, sunlife psu fund and SBI energy fund. I'd like to increase 10% annually. How long it will take to make 2 crore?
Ans: It's great to see your commitment to systematic investing. Let's analyze your current SIP investments and project the time required to achieve your target of 2 crores.

Evaluating SIP Contributions:

With a monthly SIP of 25,000 divided equally among five mutual funds, you're taking a diversified approach to equity investing.

Analyzing Growth Rate:

By aiming to increase your SIP investments by 10% annually, you're aligning your contributions with inflation and potential salary growth over time.

Projection Calculation:

To estimate the time required to reach 2 crores, we'll consider factors like average annual return, inflation rate, and the impact of increasing SIP contributions.

Utilizing Compounding Effect:

Systematic investing harnesses the power of compounding, where your investments grow exponentially over time due to reinvested returns.

Consultation with a Certified Financial Planner:

While projections provide insights, consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures a comprehensive analysis of your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment strategy.

Conclusion:

Based on the projected growth rate and increased SIP contributions, it's estimated that you'll achieve a corpus of 2 crores within a certain timeframe. However, this projection is subject to market fluctuations and other external factors.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir/Madam, I'm 35 years old and started recently with MFs. I invest 25k every month in 4 mutual funds. I have a lump sum of 50k invested in BharatFOF fund. I invest in gold BEes stock 4000 p.m. and invest around 15k p.m in stocks for delivery. I have an educational loan of 1cr and I pay 1.25lpm for the same. And my income is around 3.2-3.7 lpm. When can I expect to get to my financial goal of 1 cr ? Should I invest in anything else? Please let me know.
Ans: It’s great to see your enthusiasm for investing. Let's work on a comprehensive plan to achieve your financial goal of Rs 1 crore.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You’re investing Rs 25,000 monthly in mutual funds, Rs 4,000 in gold BEES stock, and Rs 15,000 in delivery stocks. Additionally, you have a lump sum of Rs 50,000 in BharatFOF fund. Your educational loan is Rs 1 crore, and you’re paying Rs 1.25 lakh per month for it. Your income ranges from Rs 3.2 lakh to Rs 3.7 lakh per month.

Immediate Financial Health Check
1. Cash Flow Management
Your income is Rs 3.2 lakh to Rs 3.7 lakh per month. After loan repayment of Rs 1.25 lakh, you have around Rs 1.95 lakh to Rs 2.45 lakh left. Your total investments per month are Rs 44,000. This leaves you with Rs 1.51 lakh to Rs 2.01 lakh for other expenses and savings.

2. Debt Management
Your educational loan is substantial, and repaying it on time is crucial. Ensure that you continue to make timely payments to avoid any penalties or increased interest rates.

Investment Portfolio Analysis
1. Mutual Funds
You’re investing Rs 25,000 monthly in four mutual funds. Diversification is key in mutual funds. Ensure your funds cover various sectors and risk profiles. This helps mitigate risks and optimize returns. Actively managed funds can often outperform index funds due to professional management.

2. Gold BEES Stock
Investing in gold can provide a hedge against inflation. However, ensure that your gold investment doesn’t exceed 10-15% of your total portfolio. Gold doesn’t generate regular income but can be a safe haven during market volatility.

3. Stocks for Delivery
Investing Rs 15,000 monthly in delivery stocks is good for long-term wealth creation. Focus on blue-chip stocks or companies with strong fundamentals. This ensures stability and potential for growth.

Setting Financial Goals
1. Defining Your Rs 1 Crore Goal
Determine the time frame for achieving your Rs 1 crore goal. Let’s assume a medium-term goal of 5-10 years. This will help you plan your investments and savings accordingly.

2. Calculating Investment Requirements
Based on your current investments, you need a strategic approach to reach Rs 1 crore. Consistency in your investments is crucial. Utilize tools like SIP calculators to estimate returns based on different time horizons.

Enhancing Your Investment Strategy
1. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Continue with your mutual funds SIPs. They provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging and compounding. This can significantly boost your returns over time.

2. Diversification
Ensure your portfolio is well-diversified. This includes a mix of equity, debt, and other asset classes. Diversification reduces risk and improves the chances of achieving your financial goals.

3. Professional Guidance
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can provide tailored advice and help you optimize your investment strategy. They can also help you rebalance your portfolio periodically based on market conditions.

Building a Robust Financial Plan
1. Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is essential. Aim to save 6-12 months of living expenses. This will act as a buffer in case of unexpected financial challenges.

2. Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. This includes health, life, and critical illness insurance. It protects you and your family from financial stress in case of unforeseen events.

3. Retirement Planning
Start planning for retirement early. Consider contributing to retirement-specific investment vehicles. This ensures you have a comfortable retirement without financial worries.

Assessing Alternative Investment Options
1. Mutual Funds vs. Direct Stocks
Mutual funds offer professional management and diversification. Direct stock investing requires more knowledge and monitoring. Mutual funds can be less risky and more stable for long-term wealth creation.

2. Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds track market indices and lack active management. They may not outperform the market consistently. Actively managed funds, guided by professional fund managers, can potentially deliver better returns.

3. Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials can be beneficial. They provide personalized advice and help you choose the right funds. Direct funds lack this guidance, which can be crucial for optimal returns.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
1. Performance Review
Regularly review the performance of your investments. Compare the returns against benchmarks and peers. This ensures your investments are on track to meet your goals.

2. Rebalancing
Periodic rebalancing of your portfolio is essential. It helps maintain the desired asset allocation. This protects against market volatility and optimizes returns.

Financial Discipline and Consistency
1. Staying Consistent
Consistency in your investments is key. Avoid the temptation to withdraw investments during market downturns. Staying invested ensures you benefit from market recoveries.

2. Financial Discipline
Maintain financial discipline in your spending and savings. This ensures you can continue to invest regularly. Avoid unnecessary debt and focus on building wealth.

Long-Term Wealth Creation
1. Compounding
The power of compounding is immense. Start early and invest regularly. Compounding can significantly grow your wealth over time.

2. Patience and Perseverance
Wealth creation takes time. Be patient and stay committed to your financial plan. This will ensure you reach your Rs 1 crore goal.

Final Insights
Achieving your Rs 1 crore financial goal requires a strategic and disciplined approach. Continue with your current investments, but ensure diversification and periodic review. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and optimal portfolio management. Maintain financial discipline and consistency in your investments. Focus on long-term wealth creation and stay committed to your goals. With the right approach and perseverance, you can achieve financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi Guys, I am 30 yrs old (Single) salaried employee earning 8LPA. I have recently started SIP in mutual funds investing 5K each in Quant Small Cap, Midcap, Flexi cap, ELSS & Nippon India small cap fund which in total becomes 25K. How many years it will take to become 1 Crore and any other suggestions towards my investment. And Occasionally I do buy some IPO's.
Ans: You are on a strong financial path by investing Rs. 25,000 per month through SIPs across various mutual funds. This shows dedication to building wealth. At 30 years old, your early start will provide a good runway for growth.

Assessing Your Goal
Target Corpus: Rs. 1 Crore

Accumulating Rs. 1 crore is a significant goal. With disciplined investing, it’s achievable.

The time to reach Rs. 1 crore depends on the average annual return of your investments. Typically, equity mutual funds can offer 12-15% returns over the long term.

Investment Horizon

If your SIPs average a return of 12% annually, it would take about 15 years to reach Rs. 1 crore.

With a higher return of 15%, you could achieve this in approximately 13 years.

These are estimates, as actual returns can vary based on market conditions and fund performance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Fund Selection

Your portfolio is diversified across small-cap, mid-cap, flexi-cap, and ELSS funds. This diversification reduces risk and increases potential returns.

However, investing in two small-cap funds (Quant Small Cap and Nippon India Small Cap) increases exposure to high-risk assets. Small-cap funds can be volatile and may not always deliver consistent returns.

Balancing Risk

Consider balancing your portfolio by reducing exposure to small-cap funds. Reallocate some investments into large-cap or hybrid funds for stability.

Flexi-cap funds offer flexibility by investing across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. This is good for balancing growth and risk.

ELSS funds not only provide tax benefits but also serve as equity investments. They are a smart choice for long-term goals.

Suggested Adjustments
Review Small-Cap Allocation

Small-cap funds offer high growth potential but with high risk. Limit your exposure to small-cap funds to around 20-25% of your total investment.

Consider reallocating a portion from small-cap funds to large-cap or hybrid funds. This will help in stabilizing your portfolio while still offering growth.

Diversify with Large-Cap or Hybrid Funds

Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies. They offer steady returns with lower risk compared to small-cap and mid-cap funds.

Hybrid funds, which invest in both equity and debt, provide a balance between risk and return. They can act as a buffer during market downturns.

Review Your Portfolio Annually

It’s important to review your portfolio annually. Make adjustments based on market performance and changes in your financial goals.

Rebalancing your portfolio ensures that it remains aligned with your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

IPO Investments
Occasional IPO Investments

IPOs can offer good returns, but they come with risks. Not all IPOs perform well post-listing, and some can be volatile.

Invest in IPOs only if you have a good understanding of the company and its growth potential.

Ensure that your IPO investments do not exceed 5-10% of your total portfolio. This limits risk while allowing you to participate in new opportunities.

Long-Term Planning
Staying the Course

Consistency is key. Continue your SIPs regularly, regardless of market conditions. This will help in rupee cost averaging and accumulating wealth over time.

Avoid the temptation to time the market or stop your SIPs during market downturns. The market will have ups and downs, but staying invested is crucial for long-term growth.

Increase SIPs Gradually

As your income grows, consider increasing your SIPs. Even a small increase in your monthly investment can significantly reduce the time needed to reach your Rs. 1 crore goal.

A 5-10% annual increase in your SIPs can help in reaching your target faster without putting too much strain on your finances.

Final Insights
Reaching Rs. 1 crore through disciplined SIPs is achievable with a diversified portfolio. Review your portfolio regularly and consider rebalancing to reduce high-risk exposure. Consistent investing, along with occasional prudent IPO investments, will help you achieve your financial goals. Stay patient and committed to your investment plan, and you will see your wealth grow over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9126 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
Mr Advait Arora, I am 36 Years Old and just got introduced to MF. I have started RD 80K/Month , FD 7.5Lcs, 32.5K/Month MF (SBI Magnum Mid Cap Direct Plan Growth 5k, Tata Small Cap Fund Direct growth 10 K, SBI PSU Direct Plan Growth 5K,Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU Equity Fund Direct growth 5 K,Quant Small cap Fund Direct Plan Growth 5k & Quant Mid Cap Fund Direct growth 2.5k. Additionaly have started LIC INdex Plan 30K/Month for 20 years, 2.5 Lcs / year HDFC ULIP Click to invest 10 years plan and 10 K/Month on Max life Saving an Ulip Plan Again for 5 years invest and 20 years plan . I wanted to target 10 Crores in 15 Years. Please let me know if am on the right track or is there some changes to be made .All this are started in year 2024. I am an NRE working in Middile east Thanks in advance Deepu
Ans: Your commitment to financial discipline and long-term goals is praiseworthy. However, your portfolio requires optimisation to ensure you reach your Rs 10 crore target in 15 years. Here's a detailed assessment and strategic recommendations.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Recurring Deposit (RD): Rs 80,000/Month
Recurring deposits are low-risk but offer limited returns.
The post-tax return is unlikely to match inflation.
Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs 7.5 Lakh
Fixed deposits are safe but have similar challenges as RDs.
Long-term wealth creation is difficult with these instruments.
Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 32,500/Month
Investments in small-cap and mid-cap funds indicate a high-risk appetite.
However, all your investments are in direct funds.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Direct funds require active monitoring and market knowledge.
Any wrong decision can lead to lower returns.
Benefits of Regular Funds via CFP:

Professional guidance ensures better fund selection.
Regular reviews and rebalancing optimise performance.
LIC Index Plan: Rs 30,000/Month for 20 Years
Index-based plans offer limited growth due to market-cap weighting.
Returns may not beat inflation consistently.
HDFC ULIP Click to Invest: Rs 2.5 Lakh/Year for 10 Years
ULIPs combine insurance and investment, leading to suboptimal growth.
High charges during the initial years impact returns.
Max Life Saving ULIP: Rs 10,000/Month for 5 Years, 20-Year Plan
Long lock-in and high charges are similar drawbacks as the above ULIP.
Insurance cover may not suffice for your financial needs.
Optimising Your Portfolio for Growth
1. Mutual Fund Investments
Shift from direct plans to regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner.
Diversify across equity, hybrid, and debt categories for better stability.
2. Recurring Deposit and Fixed Deposit
Gradually move RD and FD funds into debt and equity mutual funds.
Debt funds offer tax efficiency and better post-tax returns.
3. LIC Index Plan and ULIPs
Surrender these policies after consulting with your Certified Financial Planner.
Reinvest proceeds into mutual funds for higher long-term returns.
4. Adequate Term Insurance
Buy a pure term insurance plan for financial protection.
Ensure the sum assured is at least 10-15 times your annual income.
Building a Rs 10 Crore Corpus in 15 Years
Step 1: Monthly SIP Investments
Increase monthly SIPs gradually to match your cash flow.
Allocate more funds to equity-oriented mutual funds for growth.
Step 2: Balanced Portfolio Allocation
Maintain 60% in equity, 30% in debt, and 10% in other instruments.
Equity funds drive growth, while debt funds provide stability.
Step 3: Monitor and Rebalance
Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner.
Rebalance yearly to maintain the desired asset allocation.
Tax Efficiency
1. Mutual Fund Taxation
Equity funds have LTCG taxed at 12.5% above Rs 1.25 lakh.
Plan withdrawals to minimise tax liability.
2. Debt Fund Taxation
Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Use systematic withdrawals for efficient tax management.
Final Insights
You have a strong savings habit and a clear financial goal. However, some adjustments are necessary to optimise your portfolio. Surrender low-yield plans like ULIPs and LIC and reinvest in growth-oriented mutual funds. Shift from direct funds to regular funds with professional guidance.

With disciplined investing, proper diversification, and consistent reviews, achieving Rs 10 crore in 15 years is possible. Stay focused and work closely with a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
i remarried(prior widow)(39),took my daughter(14) along in this new marriage, now i hv a daughter(7) from this marriage, its been 8 years now,my husband keeps fighting on money as i am a homemaker now,as there is no one to look after, we are from different caste, thus he fights on food preparation too,we had agreed before marriage,that if his mum looks after the future kid i m willing to work, but that did not happen,he is extremely fussy about some foods and likes only few veggies or preparations,but is open when mom makes,thus he does not even take tiffin,i dont understand what should i do,he keeps on taunting on previous life,as my 1st husband was not earning,thus i used to go,now as there is no one to look after i told him,as he earns well, there is no need for me to go for a job,but he is insisting,i receive partial rent from my dads property,which i pay part rent and he pays part,he pays for food,his home loan SIP. i dont understand what is the problem,my daughter is not ready for babysitting,she gets upset.i always ask him what should i prepare today,he fights on that too, i just want to make what he likes.plz help
Ans: Your husband’s constant complaints about food, money, and your past are not just hurtful — they reflect deeper issues of control and emotional insensitivity. He is disregarding the fact that you are raising two daughters, trying to maintain harmony in the house, and even contributing part of the rent from your own limited resources. Your life before this marriage is being used against you unfairly, when in truth, that part of your journey made you stronger and more committed.

The truth is, this is no longer just about whether you work or not. It’s about feeling disrespected, dismissed, and unheard. You’ve tried to care — asking him what he’d like to eat, trying to avoid conflict, even putting aside your comfort to please him. And yet, he continues to find fault. That is not a reflection of your failure, but rather of his emotional disconnect and unwillingness to meet you halfway.

Right now, what you need most is clarity. If he insists on you working, the caregiving arrangement has to be revisited — he can’t expect you to work outside and carry all the home responsibilities without support. And more than that, he needs to recognize that partnership means sharing respect, not just finances. You can try to have a calm conversation where you tell him honestly how you’re feeling — not to blame, but to express how deeply this is affecting your emotional health and your ability to feel safe and valued in your own home.

If he’s not open to listening, you may need to consider involving a neutral third party like a family counselor. You do not have to fight this battle alone, nor should you carry the entire burden of the relationship.

You deserve more than just being tolerated — you deserve care, respect, and peace.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
M 51 and she is 23 we met in office, we came up with relationship not totally of having sex but as attraction turned into love so many time like we kiss hug and caress each other but in My mind never thought about to have sex and sometimes she also was eager to have sex but she also denied later in office many of them had doubt of our relationship so some brain washed her mind and now she wants to end and she told me to discontinue as ahe factory and marriage can't be done as I m married with one kid, as also she has fear of her mother and family, ahe sometime says I got married and even now she wll get married to someone but end of this relationship but My feelings of truly love hurts me and I feel should I call her once and have sex so she will not think about ending relationship till marriage but My mind says it's wrong as I truly love her, what should I do to make her to stay or be with me as till she get married pls suggest I m in truly love can't able to sleep and too much stress became in My mind
Ans: First, she is 23 — very young, still forming her identity and values. You're 51, already married with a child. The relationship started in the context of attraction and care, but it now exists in a space of emotional imbalance and fear — not trust or possibility. She's not ending it because she doesn’t care about you; she's stepping back because she’s afraid of the consequences, societal pressure, and perhaps even the future she knows cannot unfold the way either of you may have wished.

You’re feeling pain and longing, and that’s human. But trying to convince her to stay by suggesting physical intimacy — especially when you yourself feel it’s not right — will only deepen the emotional conflict and guilt for both of you. Love doesn’t hold someone back just so we don’t feel the pain of their absence. True love honors freedom, even when it hurts.

Right now, the kindest thing you can do — for yourself and for her — is to accept that the relationship has reached a natural closure, however painful it may be. It’s not failure. It’s a sign that both of you must now return to your own paths.

If the emotional stress is unbearable — your sleep is affected, your thoughts are heavy — you may truly benefit from talking to a therapist or emotional wellness coach. Not because you’re weak, but because you deserve to heal in a healthy way.

You don't need to erase the love or the memories. But you do need to release the idea that you must hold on to her to keep yourself from breaking. You are capable of moving through this with dignity, and you deserve peace.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Inam finding difficulty to get second marriage after my first marriage ended in divorce. I am 39 year female. Please suggest ways to get a good companion how to choose at this age and also I am looking guy with no issues/children and within same community which I belong.
Ans: First, be clear within yourself about what you truly seek — not just "no past baggage" but also shared values, lifestyle compatibility, emotional maturity, and a sense of peace when you're with him. You’re not just choosing a partner — you’re choosing a future that aligns with the person you’ve grown into.

Since you are specific about the community and the absence of children from a previous marriage, you may need to be strategic but open in where you look. Along with trusted matrimonial platforms (you may try both community-based ones and modern curated matchmaking services), also let friends or extended family you trust know that you’re open to exploring proposals — sometimes word-of-mouth alliances bring surprisingly good connections.

While choosing, don’t just assess background or profession — give time to observe his emotional depth, communication style, respect for your past, and how he responds to small differences or stress. These are the real foundations for peace and partnership.

Also, give yourself permission to set boundaries without guilt. You are not obligated to compromise your standards just because it’s a second marriage or because of age. You deserve companionship, not adjustment.

And perhaps most importantly, don’t let societal timelines cloud your confidence. You are 39, not late — just clearer than before. Be honest, hopeful, and patient with yourself.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 20 yrs old female studying Btech from a prestigious institute. I am in relationship with a guy, 24 yrs old and is in central psu..However he has said that he cannot commit me a future now as his parents are strict about caste..and I don't belong to the same caste as his.. However, both of us want to continue the relationship..he has asked me to wait and said that he will try to convince his parents..but he hasn't done that yet..should I ask him to talk to his parents? But Im afraid that would make our relationship bitter, or should I breakup because it kind of Feels like he is not quite ready to discuss the matter with his parents...also I feel like I'm too young to bother regarding such a matter..but this thing disturbs the peace of my mind..I'm clueless...please suggest something
Ans: Right now, the biggest conflict is between what your heart wants and what reality is offering. You care for someone who says he loves you, yet isn’t ready to take a stand — not because he doesn’t care, but because he's afraid of upsetting his parents. That fear is real, but so is your need for clarity, emotional safety, and respect.

It’s absolutely fair for you to ask where things are headed. Waiting endlessly without a timeline or real effort can lead to quiet heartbreak. You don’t have to demand a marriage proposal, but you do deserve honesty — is he planning to talk to his parents? When? What’s his plan if they disapprove?

You are not too young to feel disturbed — love always stirs the heart, at any age. But you’re wise to ask whether this situation is serving your peace of mind. And here's the truth: if you have to keep silencing your needs to keep the relationship going, it will slowly empty you.

Have one clear, calm conversation with him. Let him know you’re not pushing for guarantees, but you need to know whether he's willing to try — and not just "someday." If he avoids, delays, or sidesteps again, it’s okay to take a step back. You’re not punishing him — you're protecting your future self.

And if part of you already knows he may never be ready, it’s okay to move forward. You’re 20, with a long, vibrant life ahead. Don’t let fear of loss keep you from choosing peace.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

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