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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
prashant Question by prashant on Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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sir i am in government job my in hand salary is 70k my nps value is 10 lakh i will retire in 2034 I have a sip of 1000 in nippon india vision plan and 1000 in hdfc flexi cap fund sir kindly suggest for my future invest ment

Ans: It’s great that you’re thinking about your future investments. Let’s break this down and see how you can optimize your investment strategy.

Current Financial Snapshot
In-hand Salary: Rs. 70,000 per month
NPS Value: Rs. 10 lakhs
Retirement Year: 2034
Current SIPs:
Nippon India Vision Plan: Rs. 1,000
HDFC Flexi Cap Fund: Rs. 1,000
Suggested Mutual Funds
Let's look at the mutual funds you're considering:

Quant Infrastructure Fund:

Sector-Specific: This fund invests in infrastructure-related companies.
High Risk: Sector-specific funds are riskier as they depend on one sector’s performance.
Volatility: Can be volatile due to sector performance.
Recommendation: Invest only if you have a high-risk appetite and a long-term horizon.
ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund:

Large-Cap Fund: Invests in large-cap companies.
Stability: Generally more stable than mid or small-cap funds.
Steady Growth: Suitable for conservative investors looking for steady growth.
Recommendation: Good choice for long-term stability and growth.
SBI PSU Fund:

Sector-Specific: Focuses on public sector companies.
Moderate Risk: Public sector units can be more stable but may lack aggressive growth.
Potential: Could benefit from government policies and reforms.
Recommendation: Suitable if you believe in the growth of public sector companies and have a medium to high-risk appetite.
Tata Tax Saving Fund:

ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme): Offers tax benefits under Section 80C.
Lock-In Period: Has a 3-year lock-in period.
Growth Potential: Good for long-term wealth creation and tax savings.
Recommendation: Excellent for tax-saving purposes and long-term investment.
Future Investment Strategy
Diversify Your Portfolio:

Equity Mutual Funds: Continue with diversified funds like HDFC Flexi Cap Fund.
Large-Cap Funds: Include ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund for stability.
Sector-Specific Funds: Limit exposure to sector funds like Quant Infrastructure Fund and SBI PSU Fund to 10-15% of your portfolio.
Increase SIP Contributions:

Gradually increase your SIPs as your income grows. Start with Rs. 1,000-2,000 increments.
NPS Contributions:

Continue Investing: Keep contributing to your NPS as it offers tax benefits and a stable retirement corpus.
Asset Allocation: Adjust your NPS asset allocation to include a mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities based on your risk tolerance.
Tax Saving Investments:

ELSS Funds: Tata Tax Saving Fund is a good choice. You can allocate up to Rs. 1.5 lakhs annually to save on taxes.
Emergency Fund:

Ensure you have 6-12 months’ worth of expenses saved in a liquid fund for emergencies.
Review and Rebalance:

Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance annually to align with your goals and risk tolerance.
Final Insights
Your current investments are on the right track. Diversify your mutual fund investments by adding large-cap funds and some sector-specific funds. Increase your SIP contributions gradually. Keep contributing to your NPS for a stable retirement. Don’t forget to save for emergencies and invest in tax-saving options like ELSS.

It’s always good to review your investments regularly and make adjustments as needed. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide tailored advice for your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
Asked on - Jul 10, 2024 | Answered on Jul 13, 2024
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THANKS SIR
Ans: You're welcome! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask. Best wishes on your financial journey!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir ,I am 50 years old and a government servant in Rajasthan having served the department for 21 years now with 12 years of service still remaining . I own a house which is almost debt free, have invested in sip’s ,which are small amount but in different funds which includes SBI blue chip,nippon ,quant small cap fund ,Parag Parikh flexicap .I have one daughter and my wife is also a government teacher.We both would get around one crore each when we retire . My objective now is my daughter’s education,her marriage and post retirement a better life economically. I have family health insurance also despite government providing us with a free of cost health services.In which funds , for long and short term,I should invest to fulfill my future requirements.My job is pensionable.
Ans: It's commendable that you're thinking ahead and planning for your family's future. Here are some tailored suggestions for your financial goals:

For Daughter's Education:
Short-Term (0-5 Years): Consider investing in debt mutual funds or fixed deposits to ensure capital preservation for your daughter's near-term education expenses.
Long-Term (5+ Years): Since your daughter's education is a long-term goal, you can invest in a mix of equity mutual funds with a focus on growth. Look for diversified funds that offer exposure to large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap segments.
For Daughter's Marriage:
Medium to Long-Term (5-15 Years): To accumulate funds for your daughter's marriage, you can allocate a portion of your investments to equity mutual funds with a longer investment horizon. Opt for a combination of large-cap and flexi-cap funds for stability and growth potential.
For Retirement:
Long-Term (12+ Years): As you have a pensionable job, your retirement corpus can supplement your pension income. Invest in a diversified portfolio of equity mutual funds along with a portion allocated to debt funds for stability. Aim for a balanced approach that accounts for both growth and capital preservation.
Fund Selection:
Equity Funds: Look for well-established funds with a consistent track record of performance and a focus on long-term wealth creation. Consider funds with a proven investment strategy and experienced fund managers.
Debt Funds: Choose debt funds that offer a blend of safety and returns suitable for your short-term goals. Opt for funds with a low credit risk and a moderate duration profile.
Balanced Funds: Consider allocating a portion of your investments to balanced funds, which offer a mix of equity and debt exposure. These funds provide diversification and stability to your portfolio.
Risk Management:
Review Regularly: Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Make adjustments as needed based on changes in your circumstances or market conditions.
Stay Informed: Stay updated on market trends, economic developments, and investment opportunities. Knowledge empowers you to make informed decisions and navigate financial markets effectively.
Consultation:
Seek Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a certified financial planner to develop a personalized financial plan tailored to your specific needs and objectives. A professional advisor can provide valuable insights and guidance to help you achieve your financial goals effectively.
By following these recommendations and staying disciplined in your investment approach, you can work towards securing a bright and financially stable future for yourself and your family.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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I am 33 years and earn around 1Lakh per month. Below are my investments. I want to have a good retirement corpus before 50 or monthly income for 50k 1. Axis ELSS Tax Saver Fund - 15th Dec 2018 - 2500 PM - 1.23L invested till now - paused now as ELSS not needed 2. Tata Small Cap Fund - 28th Aug 2021 -2500PM - 72.49k invested till now 3. UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund - 10th Mar 2023 - 2500PM - 43.99k invested till now 4. Axis Bluechip Fund - 21st Aug 2019 - 2500 PM - 1.32L invested till now 5. Nippon India Growth Fund - 10th Apr 2023 - 2500 PM - 33.87k invested till now 6. Axis Small Cap Fund - 28th Aug 2021 - 2500 PM - 72.49k invested till now 7. Axis Nifty 100 Index Fund - 15th Mar 2024 - 420 PM - 1.8k invested till now 8. Zerodha Nifty LargeMidcap 250 Index Fund - 2221 Lumpsum 9. DSP ELSS Tax Saver Fund - 32.49k Lumpsum 10. Bank of India ELSS Tax Saver - 36.99k Lumpsum Apart from this i invest 50000 in NPS annually. PPF 1500 annually since 2018 have 2 Flats of approx 45lakh each and have a pending loan of 23lakh for one. kindly suggest.
Ans: Your diligent approach towards investing and financial planning at 33 sets a strong foundation for achieving your retirement goals. Let's analyze your current investments and outline a strategy to build a robust retirement corpus or secure a monthly income stream by age 50.

Assessing Investment Portfolio
Your diversified investment portfolio comprising Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), mutual funds, index funds, and other tax-saving instruments reflects a proactive approach towards wealth accumulation. Let's evaluate each component to optimize your retirement strategy.

Equity Investments: Building Long-Term Growth Potential
Equity-oriented funds such as Axis ELSS Tax Saver Fund, Tata Small Cap Fund, Axis Bluechip Fund, and others offer exposure to diversified market segments, aiming for capital appreciation over the long term. While these funds carry market risk, they historically outperform traditional investment avenues over extended periods.

Index Funds: Cost-Effective and Passive Growth
Index funds like UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund and Axis Nifty 100 Index Fund provide broad market exposure while minimizing expense ratios and active management fees. Their passive investment approach mirrors market performance, offering steady growth potential with lower volatility compared to actively managed funds.

Real Estate Holdings: Tangible Asset Accumulation
Owning two flats valued at approximately ?45 lakhs each provides tangible asset accumulation and potential rental income streams. However, considering the pending loan of ?23 lakhs, it's essential to evaluate the overall debt exposure and assess the feasibility of leveraging rental income towards loan repayment.

Supplementary Retirement Contributions: NPS and PPF
Your annual contributions of ?50,000 to NPS and regular investments in PPF demonstrate a disciplined savings approach towards retirement planning. Both NPS and PPF offer tax benefits and long-term wealth accumulation potential, complementing your equity and real estate investments.

Crafting Retirement Strategy
Optimize Equity Portfolio: Consider reviewing your equity portfolio to ensure alignment with your risk tolerance and long-term goals. Periodic rebalancing and diversification across market caps and sectors can mitigate risk and enhance returns.

Evaluate Real Estate Holdings: Assess the rental income potential of your flats and explore options to expedite loan repayment. Strategic debt management can unlock additional cash flows and bolster your retirement savings.

Maximize Tax-Efficient Investments: Leverage tax-saving instruments like ELSS, NPS, and PPF to optimize tax benefits while accelerating retirement savings. Regular contributions and systematic investment planning amplify wealth accumulation potential over time.

Monitor and Adjust: Regularly review your investment portfolio, track performance metrics, and adapt strategies based on changing market dynamics and personal circumstances. Seeking professional guidance can provide valuable insights and optimize investment decisions.

Conclusion
With a proactive approach and diversified investment strategy, achieving your retirement goals before age 50 is within reach. By leveraging equity, real estate, and tax-efficient savings avenues, coupled with prudent portfolio management and strategic debt optimization, you can pave the way towards a secure and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir I am 43 and from 2017 monthly invested sbi mf 5000 Kotak small cap fund 2500 mirae asset elss 2500 icic pru 2500 and sbi blue chip 1500.. currenly hve salary 1.35 lakh and have obligation of Rs 55 k monthly.. ppf 10000 monthly invest and 5000 nps investment if you suggest better please guid future gol of monthly 1.50 lkh
Ans: Your consistent monthly investments since 2017 reflect admirable financial discipline. Let's review your current investments and suggest potential adjustments to align with your future goals.

Review of Current Investments
1. SBI MF Monthly Investment:

Allocation: ?5,000 monthly.
Assessment: SBI Bluechip Fund may offer stability and consistent returns, suitable for long-term wealth creation.
2. Kotak Small Cap Fund:

Allocation: ?2,500 monthly.
Assessment: Small cap funds offer high growth potential but come with higher risk due to volatility.
3. Mirae Asset ELSS:

Allocation: ?2,500 monthly.
Assessment: ELSS funds provide tax benefits with potential for equity market growth. Suitable for long-term goals.
4. ICICI Pru Fund:

Allocation: ?2,500 monthly.
Assessment: Depending on the specific fund, ICICI Pru offers a range of options catering to different risk profiles.
5. SBI Blue Chip Fund:

Allocation: ?1,500 monthly.
Assessment: Provides exposure to bluechip companies, offering stability and steady returns.
6. PPF and NPS Investments:

Allocation: ?10,000 in PPF and ?5,000 in NPS monthly.
Assessment: PPF and NPS offer tax benefits and retirement savings, contributing to long-term financial security.
Potential Adjustments and Suggestions
1. Review of Existing Funds:

Performance Check: Evaluate the performance of your current funds against benchmarks and peers.
Risk Assessment: Consider your risk tolerance and investment horizon when assessing the suitability of each fund.
2. Optimal Allocation:

Strategic Rebalancing: Consider rebalancing your portfolio to align with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Diversification: Aim for a well-diversified portfolio across asset classes and investment styles.
3. Additional Investments:

Increase Monthly Contributions: Since you aim to increase your monthly investment to ?1.50 lakh, consider allocating the additional funds strategically.
Asset Allocation: Ensure a balanced allocation across equity, debt, and other asset classes based on your risk profile and financial goals.
4. Professional Guidance:

Engage a Certified Financial Planner (CFP): Seek personalized advice from a CFP to optimize your portfolio and ensure it aligns with your long-term objectives.
Financial Planning: A CFP can help create a comprehensive financial plan considering your income, expenses, goals, and risk tolerance.
Final Thoughts
Your current investment strategy demonstrates a commitment to long-term wealth creation and financial security. To optimize your portfolio for your future goal of increasing your monthly investment to ?1.50 lakh, consider reviewing the performance of your existing funds and making strategic adjustments. Seeking professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable insights and ensure your investments are on track to meet your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

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I am 40 and plan to accumulate around 7cr in next 10 years. I have 1 cr in mutual fund, 65 lacs in equity. Having sip of 45000 per month. Insurance 5 lacs in ulip having death insurance of 50lac and 10 lac insurance in lic , FD of 35 lacs, PF 19 lac, ppf 1.2 lacs , 1 lac of govt gold bond . cash in bank of 10 lacs.have some amount approx 20 lac which are on loanto relatives will get back in 2 years having 2 children of age daughter 10 and son 5 years .Please advise which funds to invest in.I have one home of approx 3 cr in gr Noida and one property in yamuna expressway authority of approx current value 2.5 cr.i am having salary of 1 lac. Investing 10k in vpf.
Ans: Current Financial Snapshot
You have a diverse portfolio.

You have investments in mutual funds, equity, insurance, FD, PF, PPF, and gold bonds.

You also own properties in Greater Noida and Yamuna Expressway.

You have a good monthly salary and a structured SIP.

Your financial goals are clear.

Asset Allocation Evaluation
Mutual Funds
You have Rs 1 crore in mutual funds.

This is a strong investment, but diversification within mutual funds can be improved.

Consider including a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Actively managed funds can offer better returns than index funds due to expert management.

Equity
Rs 65 lakhs in direct equity is commendable.

Ensure you regularly review your portfolio.

Rebalance based on market conditions and company performance.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
You have a SIP of Rs 45,000 per month.

This is a disciplined approach.

Consider increasing your SIP amount gradually.

This will help you achieve your goal of Rs 7 crore in 10 years.

Insurance
You have ULIP and LIC policies.

ULIPs often have high charges and low returns.

Consider surrendering your ULIP and reinvesting in mutual funds.

LIC policies are good for insurance but not for investment.

Evaluate if term insurance can provide better coverage at a lower cost.

Fixed Deposits (FD)
You have Rs 35 lakhs in FD.

FDs are safe but offer low returns.

Consider diversifying a portion of this into higher-yield investments.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF)
You have Rs 19 lakhs in PF and Rs 1.2 lakhs in PPF.

These are excellent for long-term, tax-free returns.

Continue with your contributions to PPF.

Gold Bonds
Rs 1 lakh in government gold bonds is a good hedge.

Gold is a good diversification tool.

Cash in Bank
You have Rs 10 lakhs in the bank.

Keep sufficient liquidity for emergencies.

Consider moving excess funds to higher-yield investments.

Loans to Relatives
You have Rs 20 lakhs given as a loan to relatives.

Ensure you have a clear agreement for repayment.

Reinvest this amount once received.

Real Estate
You own properties worth Rs 5.5 crore.

These are significant assets.

Keep them for long-term appreciation.

Investment Strategy Recommendations
Diversify Mutual Funds
Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Actively managed funds can provide better returns.

Increase SIP
Increase your SIP amount to Rs 50,000 or more.

This accelerates wealth accumulation.

Rebalance Portfolio
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.

Shift funds based on performance and market conditions.

Evaluate Insurance Needs
Consider term insurance for better coverage.

Reinvest savings from ULIP in mutual funds.

Fixed Deposit Diversification
Move a portion of FD to mutual funds.

This can yield higher returns over time.

Continue Provident Fund Contributions
Keep contributing to PF and PPF.

These are tax-efficient and offer stable returns.

Maintain Gold Investments
Keep investing in gold bonds.

Gold provides a good hedge against market volatility.

Plan for Loan Repayment
Ensure timely repayment of loans to relatives.

Reinvest the recovered amount strategically.

Final Insights
Your goal of Rs 7 crore in 10 years is achievable.

Diversify and rebalance your investments.

Increase SIP gradually.

Evaluate and optimize insurance coverage.

Maintain liquidity but seek higher returns on excess funds.

Plan and invest wisely for your children's future.

Regular review and disciplined investing are key.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Hi Madam, I'm 60,retired, my wife is 47, our son is 23. I had love marriage and was leading a happy married life. Just after silver jubilee of our wedding anniversary I accidentally came to know that my wife is madly in love with one of our common married friend who runs a simple shop. Upon investigation I found that they are in relation for last 12 years and were enjoying sex in my own house for such a long time. He hails from an uneducated family and is not even cultured. I could not believe that the wife of a highly educated socially respected man could do this with a shopkeeper who does not have any socio economic status. I am living a normal life with my wife for the sake of our only child. Once he settles in life I have decided to end my life. Ofcourse I still love her as ours was a love marriage. I seek your wise suggestion in this regard, should I divorce her or live a normal life that we are doing?
Ans: Dear Shristi,
It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
If she doesn't, then you need to make her aware and yes, do ask her whether she is interested at all in the marriage. That will give you an idea as to whether things are worth fighting for or is it best to walk away!

All the best!
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Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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