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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Anil Question by Anil on May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am currently 50 years old... Could u guide me as to what amount of monthly SIP should I put and in to which funds so as to generate a monthly retirement payout of 2 lac every month at the age of 60 years

Ans: Planning for Retirement Income
Understanding Your Goal
Planning for a monthly retirement payout of 2 lakhs at the age of 60 is a commendable goal and requires careful financial planning.
Assessing Your Current Situation
As you're currently 50 years old, it's essential to evaluate your existing assets, liabilities, and investment portfolio to determine your financial standing.
Calculating Required Corpus
Estimating Retirement Corpus
To generate a monthly payout of 2 lakhs, you'll need to calculate the required retirement corpus based on your expected retirement age, life expectancy, inflation, and expected rate of return on investments.
Working with a Financial Planner
Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you determine the exact amount of monthly SIP required to achieve your retirement income goal.
Designing Your Investment Portfolio
SIP Amount and Fund Selection
Your monthly SIP amount will depend on factors such as your current savings, expected rate of return, and investment horizon.
A CFP can recommend a suitable asset allocation strategy and select appropriate mutual funds based on your risk tolerance, financial goals, and time horizon.
Diversification for Stability
Diversifying your portfolio across different asset classes, such as equities, debt, and possibly real estate or alternative investments, can provide stability and enhance returns over the long term.
Adjusting Your Financial Plan
Flexibility and Adaptability
It's crucial to periodically review and adjust your financial plan based on changing circumstances, market conditions, and personal goals.
A CFP can help you navigate through life transitions and unexpected events while staying on track towards your retirement objectives.
Conclusion
Planning for retirement requires careful consideration of various factors, including your age, financial situation, risk tolerance, and retirement income goals. By working with a CFP, you can develop a personalized financial plan tailored to your specific needs and aspirations, ensuring a secure and comfortable retirement lifestyle.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 08, 2024

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Sir,My age is 43 year which sip or fund will be better to get pension of Rs 25000 per month at the age of 58 year and how much should I have to invest monthly.
Ans: To achieve a pension of Rs 25,000 per month at the age of 58, you need to start investing in retirement-focused mutual funds or pension plans. Here's a suggested approach:
Equity Mutual Funds for Growth: Since you have a long investment horizon until retirement, consider investing a significant portion of your savings in equity mutual funds. These funds have the potential to offer higher returns over the long term, helping you build a substantial corpus.

Diversification: Opt for a diversified portfolio of equity funds across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap segments to spread out risk. Additionally, allocate a portion of your investments to debt funds to provide stability and reduce overall portfolio volatility.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Start a SIP in selected equity mutual funds to regularly invest a fixed amount every month. SIPs help in rupee cost averaging and can smoothen out the impact of market volatility over time.

Asset Allocation: As you approach retirement, gradually shift your asset allocation from equity to debt funds to reduce risk and preserve capital. This can be done gradually over several years to minimize the impact on your portfolio.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Once you retire, consider setting up a SWP from your mutual fund investments to generate a regular income stream. Determine the amount you need for monthly expenses and set up SWPs accordingly from debt or balanced funds.

Review and Adjust: Regularly review your investment portfolio and withdrawal strategy to ensure it aligns with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and changing life circumstances. Adjust your asset allocation and SWP amount as needed based on market conditions and your retirement income needs.

Consult a Financial Advisor: Consider consulting with a financial advisor who can help you design a customized investment plan tailored to your specific requirements and risk profile. They can also provide guidance on tax-efficient withdrawal strategies during retirement.

By following this approach, you can benefit from the growth potential of equity investments during your working years while ensuring a steady income stream through SWP during retirement, helping you beat inflation and meet your financial goals.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 50 , to get my retirement amount 1cr how much amount I should invest in mutual funds ie sip ,pls guide me .
Ans: At 50, planning for your retirement is a great step. Your goal is to accumulate Rs 1 crore by the time you retire. To achieve this through a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in mutual funds, it’s important to assess various factors like time horizon, risk appetite, and expected returns. Let's break it down step by step to give you a clearer picture.

Factors Affecting Your SIP Investment
1. Time Horizon
Since you are 50 years old, the time left for retirement depends on when you plan to retire. Typically, retirement age is 60, so you may have 10 years. The shorter the time horizon, the larger your monthly SIP investment needs to be. If you have a longer time horizon, you can contribute a smaller amount monthly.

2. Expected Returns from Mutual Funds
In the Indian context, mutual funds—particularly equity mutual funds—can give returns ranging between 10% to 12% annually over the long term. For a 10-year horizon, investing in actively managed equity mutual funds can help you maximize growth. The reason is that equity has historically outperformed other asset classes over long periods. Debt mutual funds are safer but tend to offer lower returns, typically around 6% to 7%.

Choosing actively managed funds over passive index funds can help you get better returns as these funds are overseen by expert fund managers. While index funds follow the market, actively managed funds adjust for volatility and aim for higher returns.

3. Risk Tolerance
Since you are aiming to invest for 10 years or more, you have a moderate-to-long time horizon, which allows you to take on moderate risk. Equity-oriented mutual funds tend to be volatile in the short term but can deliver good returns in the long run. By investing in a balanced mix of equity and hybrid funds, you can ensure both growth and capital preservation.

SIP Calculation for Rs 1 Crore Corpus
To accumulate Rs 1 crore, the exact SIP amount depends on the returns your mutual fund investments generate. Here’s how the investment process works:

If the mutual funds generate 10% returns per annum, you will need to invest a higher amount compared to a 12% return scenario.

You can aim for equity mutual funds to help you reach the Rs 1 crore target within 10 years. Over time, you can shift part of your corpus to debt mutual funds to reduce the risk as you approach retirement.

However, the precise monthly SIP amount will depend on how much you can invest, your risk appetite, and your retirement timeframe. It’s recommended to start higher and adjust your SIP later depending on market performance.

SIP Strategies
1. Equity Mutual Funds
Since your goal is long-term, focusing on equity mutual funds is a smart option. These funds invest in stocks, which have historically provided inflation-beating returns over the long term. A mix of large-cap and mid-cap funds will give you stability and growth potential.

Actively managed equity mutual funds can help you get higher returns. These funds are managed by professionals who constantly adjust the portfolio based on market conditions, unlike index funds which follow the market blindly.

2. Hybrid Mutual Funds
If you want to balance between risk and return, consider hybrid mutual funds. These funds invest in both equity and debt, providing you with a safer option than pure equity funds but better returns than debt funds alone. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you choose the right hybrid funds for your retirement needs.

3. Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds can be included to offer a safety net as you near retirement. These funds are low-risk and offer steady, though lower, returns. As you approach your retirement, you can shift a portion of your investments to debt funds to protect the corpus from market volatility.

Why Not Index Funds?
You might come across index funds as a simpler alternative. While index funds have lower fees, they merely replicate the performance of an index like the Nifty 50. The downside is that they don't outperform the market. In contrast, actively managed mutual funds can offer better returns because skilled fund managers actively choose high-performing stocks and adjust the portfolio to respond to market conditions.

Actively managed funds also allow you to reduce risk over time, as the manager may move assets to safer investments if the market becomes volatile. This flexibility makes them a better choice for someone nearing retirement.

Regular Fund Investments vs Direct Funds
When choosing mutual funds, you might come across direct plans which charge lower fees compared to regular plans. However, direct plans don’t provide the advisory services or professional guidance that come with regular plans. Working with a CFP and investing through mutual fund distributors (MFDs) ensures you get expert advice and a well-constructed portfolio suited to your goals.

Protecting Your Retirement Corpus
As you approach retirement, it’s crucial to protect your investment from risks like market crashes. One strategy is to gradually reduce your exposure to equity funds and move to safer debt funds. A Certified Financial Planner can help you determine the right time to shift and how much to shift, ensuring your Rs 1 crore target remains on track.

Final Insights
To reach Rs 1 crore by the time you retire, investing through SIPs in a combination of equity, hybrid, and debt mutual funds is a balanced and effective approach. You will need to calculate the exact SIP amount based on the number of years to retirement, expected returns, and risk tolerance. Starting early and being consistent with your SIP contributions is key.

Start with Equity Funds: These will help you achieve higher returns in the earlier years.

Gradually Shift to Hybrid and Debt Funds: As you approach retirement, reduce your equity exposure and move to safer assets.

Seek Professional Guidance: A CFP can help you select the right funds and adjust your strategy as needed.

By following this strategy, you can comfortably achieve your Rs 1 crore retirement corpus and enjoy a financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

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Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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