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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 02, 2024Hindi
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Dear Col. Sanjeev sir, I am 46 yrs old, I have the following investments, 12 lacs in various mutual funds, 12 lacs in PPF, 10 lacs in NPS, around 60 lacs in PF. I have term plans to cover any eventuality and health insurance for me and my family. My take home per month is around 2.5 lacs. I have a land worth ~25 lacs (no loan). 1 flat worth ~40 lacs (no loan). 1 flat worth ~1.7 cr. (loan of 70 lacs). I have two sons and I need to fund their education (assuming they will join engineering). Expenses expected in 2 yrs - 4 yrs time frame. Please advise if my savings will be sufficient for studies and retirement. I am expecting a monthly expense of Rs. 1 lacs per month post retirement. Thank you!

Ans: Thank you for sharing your financial details with me. It's evident that you've been proactive in planning for your future and that of your family. Let's delve into your current situation and discuss your aspirations for your sons' education and your retirement.

Firstly, it's commendable that you have a diverse portfolio of investments, including mutual funds, PPF, NPS, and substantial savings in PF. Additionally, having term plans and health insurance provides essential protection for you and your family against unforeseen events, ensuring financial security.

Your real estate holdings, including land and flats, add another dimension to your asset portfolio. However, it's essential to consider the liquidity and potential maintenance costs associated with real estate investments.

Now, regarding your sons' education, it's thoughtful of you to plan for their future. Engineering education can indeed be a significant financial commitment, and it's essential to start preparing for it in advance. With your current savings and income, you should be able to cover their education expenses comfortably.

However, it's crucial to factor in inflation and any potential increase in education costs over the years. Regularly reviewing your financial plan with a Certified Financial Planner can help ensure you stay on track to meet your goals.

Looking ahead to retirement, your monthly expense estimate of Rs. 1 lac post-retirement is a helpful starting point for planning. With your current savings and investments, along with your pension and potential rental income from real estate, you seem to be on the right track to maintain your desired lifestyle post-retirement.

However, it's essential to consider factors such as inflation, healthcare costs, and any unexpected expenses that may arise during retirement. Regularly reassessing your retirement plan and adjusting it as needed will help ensure you're adequately prepared for life after work.

In conclusion, while your current savings and investments appear sufficient to meet your goals, it's essential to stay vigilant and adapt your financial plan as your circumstances evolve. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner regularly can provide valuable guidance and peace of mind as you work towards achieving your financial aspirations.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Hello Sir, My age is 43, married and having two daughters (age 14 & 6) and have monthly net salary of Rs. 55k and I am saving around 20k per month (various SIPs-10K, NPS 5K & Stocks-5K) My other investments are as follows; • EPF – as of now 4 Lakhs • Post office MIS – 9 Lakhs • Post office NSC – 15 Lakhs • Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana – 1 Lakh • Fixed Deposits – 6 Lakhs • PPF – 10 Lakhs • Gold Bond – 3.5 Lakhs • Existing Stock + Mutual fund portfolio – 12 Lakhs • Home Loan outstanding – 7.6 Lakhs Please let me know whether my current investment is enough for peaceful retirement of do I need to invest more. Kunal
Ans: Assessing Your Retirement Readiness
Current Financial Status
Congratulations on taking proactive steps towards securing your financial future. Your current investments reflect a disciplined approach towards wealth accumulation.

Evaluating Retirement Goals
To determine if your current investments are sufficient for a peaceful retirement, we must assess your retirement goals, expected expenses, and desired lifestyle.

Analyzing Retirement Corpus
Considering your age, family size, and current investments, we'll estimate the corpus required to sustain your lifestyle post-retirement.

Estimating Retirement Expenses
We'll evaluate your projected retirement expenses, including living costs, healthcare, children's education, and any other financial obligations.

Identifying Retirement Income Sources
Besides your existing investments, we'll explore other potential income sources during retirement, such as pension, rental income, or part-time work.

Conducting Retirement Gap Analysis
After assessing your retirement corpus requirements and income sources, we'll identify any shortfall or surplus in meeting your retirement goals.

Recommendations for Retirement Planning
Increase Monthly Savings: Given your current savings rate, consider boosting your monthly contributions to SIPs, NPS, and stocks to bridge the retirement gap.

Diversify Investment Portfolio: Explore diversification opportunities by investing in a mix of equity, debt, and balanced funds to optimize returns and manage risk.

Review Asset Allocation: Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain an appropriate asset allocation aligned with your risk tolerance and retirement timeline.

Consider Retirement-oriented Funds: Evaluate the option of investing in retirement-oriented mutual funds or pension plans to enhance retirement savings.

Pay off Home Loan: Aim to clear your home loan outstanding to reduce financial liabilities and free up cash flow for retirement savings.

Monitor and Adjust: Regularly monitor your investments' performance and make necessary adjustments to stay on track towards your retirement goals.

Conclusion
While your current investments demonstrate prudent financial planning, it's essential to reassess your retirement strategy periodically. By implementing the recommended measures and staying committed to your financial goals, you can enhance the likelihood of enjoying a peaceful and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 44 years old. I have 34 lac in MF, 4 Lac in NPS, 1.06 Cr in PPF, 50 Lac in PF, 1 Lac in stock and 22 Lac in post office Fixed deposit.Monthly income 1.2 Lac. I am investing 26500 Monthly in MF SIP and 15000 towards post office RD, also in VPF 21000 and PPF yearly 450000 (In 3 account). My monthly expense is 60000 and planing to retire at 50. I have school going child studing in class 7. Is my investment is sufficient for retirement planning.
Ans: Your current financial situation shows a strong foundation, and your disciplined approach to saving and investing is commendable. Let’s dive deeper into your investments and see if they align with your retirement goals at age 50, while ensuring your child's education and other expenses are covered.

Evaluating Your Current Financial Status
You have a diversified portfolio, which is excellent for mitigating risks and optimizing returns. Here’s a summary:

Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 34 lakhs
National Pension System (NPS): Rs 4 lakhs
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 1.06 crores
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 50 lakhs
Stocks: Rs 1 lakh
Post Office Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs 22 lakhs
Monthly Income: Rs 1.2 lakhs
Monthly Investments: Rs 26,500 in MF SIPs, Rs 15,000 in post office RD, Rs 21,000 in VPF, and Rs 4,50,000 annually in PPF
Monthly Expenses: Rs 60,000
Financial Goals and Challenges
Retirement at Age 50: Ensuring a comfortable lifestyle post-retirement.
Child’s Education: Saving for higher education expenses.
Emergency Fund: Maintaining liquidity for unforeseen circumstances.
Health Insurance: Securing health coverage to avoid high medical costs.
Assessing Retirement Corpus
Calculating Required Corpus
To retire comfortably at 50, you need to ensure that your investments can sustain your lifestyle. With your current expenses at Rs 60,000 per month, let’s consider inflation and increased medical costs as you age.

Inflation Impact
Inflation will erode the value of your savings over time. Assuming an average inflation rate of 6%, your current monthly expenses of Rs 60,000 could significantly increase by the time you retire. Planning for a higher monthly expense post-retirement, say Rs 1 lakh, will be prudent.

Estimating Corpus
For a retirement period of 30 years (assuming a lifespan of 80 years), a rough estimate suggests you might need a corpus that can generate Rs 1 lakh per month. Considering inflation and a conservative withdrawal rate, a corpus of around Rs 6-7 crores would be required.

Strengthening Your Investment Portfolio
Mutual Funds
Your current SIP of Rs 26,500 in mutual funds is a strong commitment.

Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds, especially in emerging markets like India. They offer potential for higher returns due to professional fund management.

National Pension System (NPS)
NPS provides a good mix of equity and debt, which is beneficial for long-term growth.

Continue Contributions: Consider increasing your contributions to NPS if possible. NPS also provides additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B).

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe and reliable investment.

Regular Contributions: Your substantial investment in PPF is good, considering its tax-free interest. Continue maxing out your contributions annually.

Provident Fund (PF) and Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF)
Your PF and VPF contributions ensure steady and safe growth.

Maximize Contributions: Continue maximizing VPF contributions, as they offer higher interest rates and tax benefits.

Stocks
While your current investment in stocks is minimal, direct equity investments can offer significant returns.

Consider Equity Mutual Funds: If you’re not comfortable picking individual stocks, consider equity mutual funds for diversified exposure.

Fixed Deposits and Recurring Deposits
Your investments in post office FDs and RDs provide safety but offer lower returns.

Shift to Higher Returns: Gradually shift a portion of these funds to higher-return investments like debt mutual funds or balanced funds for better growth potential.

Planning for Child’s Education
Education Corpus
Your child is in class 7, and you have about 5-6 years before college expenses start. Higher education costs can be substantial, so planning early is crucial.

Education Funds: Consider dedicated education funds or balanced funds, which provide a mix of safety and growth.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Continue or increase SIPs in diversified mutual funds earmarked for education.

Health Insurance
Health insurance is crucial to protect your savings from medical emergencies.

Family Floater Plan: Ensure you have a comprehensive family floater plan that covers all members adequately.

Critical Illness Cover: Consider adding a critical illness cover to safeguard against severe health issues.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund acts as a financial buffer for unforeseen expenses.

3-6 Months Expenses: Ensure you have 3-6 months’ worth of expenses set aside in a liquid fund or savings account for easy access.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning helps maximize your savings.

Section 80C
Maximize 80C Benefits: Your investments in PPF, PF, and life insurance already provide tax benefits under Section 80C. Ensure you’re maximizing these benefits.

Section 80CCD
NPS Contributions: Contributions to NPS provide additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B).

Diversification and Rebalancing
A diversified portfolio minimizes risks and maximizes returns.

Asset Allocation
Diversify Across Asset Classes: Allocate your investments across equities, debt, and fixed income instruments. Consider a mix of 60% equity and 40% debt for balanced growth.

Regular Rebalancing
Periodic Review: Review your portfolio periodically and rebalance to maintain your desired asset allocation. This ensures your portfolio remains aligned with your financial goals.

Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice and help you stay on track.

CFP Benefits
Expert Guidance: A CFP provides expert advice on investment strategies, tax planning, and retirement planning.

Regular Reviews: Regular reviews with a CFP can help you adjust your strategy as needed.

Final Insights
Your disciplined approach to saving and investing has put you on a solid financial footing. With your current investments and income, you’re well-positioned to achieve your retirement goals.

However, ensuring your corpus grows sufficiently to sustain your post-retirement life is crucial. By optimizing your investment strategy, managing risks, and planning for inflation, you can build a secure future.

Consider increasing your contributions to equity mutual funds and NPS for better growth. Ensure you have adequate health insurance and maintain a robust emergency fund.

With careful planning and regular reviews, you can achieve your goal of retiring at 50 comfortably and ensure your child's education expenses are covered. Keep up the good work and stay committed to your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
Money
Dear Sir, My age is 42, my current savings are 1) FD: 70 lakhs 2) MF: 5 lakhs 3) Equity: 10 lakhs 4) EPF: 80 lakhs 5) PPF: 20 lakhs(another 5 years to mature . 1.5 lacs per year is investment amount) I am planning to retire by 58. I need a monthly retirement amount of 2 lakhs per month. I don't have any loans at the moment. I have two kids studying in 8th and 4th. Please let me know if the current investment is sufficient enough to generate this income. Thank you sir.
Ans: Firstly, I must commend you for your diligent saving and planning. You have built a solid financial foundation with significant investments in Fixed Deposits (FD), Mutual Funds (MF), Equity, Employee Provident Fund (EPF), and Public Provident Fund (PPF). Your financial discipline is truly admirable.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Let's evaluate your current investments:

FD: Rs 70 lakhs
MF: Rs 5 lakhs
Equity: Rs 10 lakhs
EPF: Rs 80 lakhs
PPF: Rs 20 lakhs, with Rs 1.5 lakhs per year investment for the next five years
You have a total of Rs 185 lakhs (Rs 1.85 crores) in savings and investments.

Retirement Goals and Planning
You aim to retire by 58, which gives you 16 more years to save and invest. Your goal is to have a monthly retirement income of Rs 2 lakhs. To achieve this, a well-planned investment strategy is crucial.

Assessing the Required Retirement Corpus
Given your goal of Rs 2 lakhs per month, your annual requirement will be Rs 24 lakhs. Considering a retirement period of 25-30 years, you need a substantial retirement corpus to ensure a comfortable life.

Investment Strategies to Achieve Your Retirement Goals
Diversification and Asset Allocation
Equity Investments:

Equities offer high returns over the long term, essential for building a large corpus. Consider increasing your equity exposure. Actively managed funds with a track record of strong performance can be a good choice. Avoid index funds due to their average performance in fluctuating markets.

Mutual Funds:

Increase your investments in mutual funds. Choose diversified mutual funds with a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Actively managed funds can outperform the market, offering higher returns than passive index funds.

Debt Investments:

Maintain a balance with debt investments for stability and regular income. Your FDs and PPF fall into this category. Consider debt mutual funds for potentially higher returns than traditional FDs.

EPF and PPF:

Continue your contributions to EPF and PPF. These provide a stable and tax-efficient return. The EPF offers a good interest rate and tax benefits, making it a valuable part of your retirement planning.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Regular Investments:

Start a SIP in mutual funds to benefit from rupee cost averaging and the power of compounding. Regular investments, even in small amounts, can grow significantly over time.

Review and Adjust:

Regularly review your SIP portfolio and adjust based on performance and changing financial goals. Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help optimize your SIP strategy.

Risk Management and Insurance
Health Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for your family. Medical emergencies can deplete your savings if not adequately insured.

Life Insurance:

Consider term life insurance to cover financial risks. It provides a high coverage amount at a lower premium, ensuring your family's financial security in case of unforeseen events.

Children's Education Planning
Education Fund:

Start an education fund for your children. Invest in child-specific mutual funds or a mix of equity and debt funds. This ensures you have sufficient funds when they pursue higher education.

Systematic Withdrawals:

Plan for systematic withdrawals from your education fund as required. This avoids sudden large expenses disrupting your financial plans.

Maximizing Tax Efficiency
Tax-efficient Investments:

Utilize tax-efficient investments like PPF, EPF, and ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) mutual funds. These offer tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.

Tax Planning:

Regularly review and adjust your investments to maximize tax efficiency. Consult a CFP for personalized tax planning strategies.

Regular Financial Review
Annual Review:

Conduct an annual review of your financial plan. Assess the performance of your investments, adjust for market changes, and ensure alignment with your goals.

Professional Guidance:

Work with a CFP for regular financial reviews and adjustments. Their expertise can help navigate market complexities and optimize your financial strategy.

Saving and Investing for Retirement
Building a Retirement Corpus
Target Corpus:

Based on your goal of Rs 2 lakhs per month, calculate the target retirement corpus. Considering inflation and a retirement period of 25-30 years, a substantial corpus is needed.

Investment Growth:

Invest in a mix of equity, debt, and mutual funds to grow your corpus. Equities offer high returns, while debt investments provide stability.

Withdrawal Strategy
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):

Use an SWP in mutual funds to generate regular income during retirement. This allows for periodic withdrawals while keeping the principal invested.

Bucket Strategy:

Divide your retirement corpus into different buckets based on time horizons. Short-term needs are met with liquid funds, while long-term needs are invested in equities and debt.

Future-Proofing Your Finances
Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund covering at least six months of expenses. This provides a safety net for unexpected financial challenges.

Inflation Protection:

Invest in assets that protect against inflation. Equities and inflation-indexed bonds can help maintain purchasing power over time.

Health and Longevity:

Plan for healthcare costs and longer life expectancy. Adequate health insurance and a well-funded retirement plan are crucial.


You have done an excellent job of saving and planning for your future. Your disciplined approach to managing finances is commendable. With a few adjustments and a well-planned investment strategy, you can achieve your retirement goals and secure a comfortable future for your family.

Final Insights
Financial planning for retirement requires a comprehensive approach. By diversifying investments, increasing equity exposure, and optimizing tax efficiency, you can build a substantial retirement corpus. Regular reviews and professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner will ensure you stay on track. Your commitment to saving and investing will pay off, providing financial security and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2024Hindi
Money
I'm aged about 48 and still have about 12 years for retirement. I have two kids aged 16 and 10. Elder one is in 11th and younger in 5th standard. I earn 3 lakhs per month take home. I have own house with not EMI and I have another flat from which I get 10K monthly rent. I have around 40 lakhs in PF, 20 lakhs in equities, 10 lakhs in NPS, 5 lakhs each in my kids SSY account. I want to plan for my kids higher education, their marriage and my retirement. Will this money be sufficient to fulfil all my needs. Thank you for your assistance.
Ans: At 48, with about 12 years left for retirement, you are in a good position to plan for your future. Your current assets and income sources are quite commendable. Let’s break down your financial situation to assess how to best plan for your children's education, marriage, and your retirement.

You currently have the following assets:

Provident Fund (PF): Rs 40 lakhs
Equity Investments: Rs 20 lakhs
National Pension Scheme (NPS): Rs 10 lakhs
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): Rs 5 lakhs each for both kids
Rental Income: Rs 10,000 per month from your second flat
These are substantial savings, but let’s assess whether this will meet your long-term goals.

Planning for Children’s Higher Education
1. Education Costs Rising
Your elder child, currently in the 11th standard, will likely need funds for higher education in the next two years. Your younger child will need it in around seven years. Education inflation in India is around 8-10% per year, meaning that education costs are rising faster than most other expenses.

2. Allocate Separate Funds
It is essential to allocate specific funds for each child’s higher education. Your current savings in the SSY accounts are a good start. However, these amounts may not be sufficient to cover all higher education costs, especially if they pursue professional courses or study abroad. You should consider topping up these funds by systematically investing in equity mutual funds.

3. Use Balanced Investments for Growth
You have 12 years until retirement, which gives you enough time to take advantage of growth in equity markets. Consider increasing your equity investments to create a dedicated education corpus. A mix of equity and debt mutual funds can provide stability and growth.

Planning for Children’s Marriage
1. Marriage Costs Vary
Marriage expenses can be unpredictable, but you still have enough time to plan. You could earmark a part of your provident fund or equity investments specifically for this goal. Start small but regularly contribute to this goal over the next 10-15 years.

2. Use Safe Debt Instruments
Since marriage expenses could occur within the next 10-12 years, you should start shifting a portion of your funds into safer debt instruments closer to the time of need. This will help preserve your capital and provide predictable returns.

Planning for Retirement
1. Evaluate Retirement Corpus Needs
Your take-home salary is Rs 3 lakhs per month, but your income needs post-retirement will likely be lower. However, medical expenses and inflation must be factored in. To maintain your lifestyle and cover your expenses, aim to accumulate a retirement corpus that provides regular income.

2. Maximise Provident Fund and NPS Contributions
Your current PF of Rs 40 lakhs and NPS corpus of Rs 10 lakhs will continue to grow. Consider increasing your contributions to NPS, as it provides tax-efficient growth for your retirement. NPS also has a pension component, which will provide a regular income after retirement.

3. Diversify Retirement Savings
While PF and NPS are great, consider diversifying into mutual funds to achieve a balanced portfolio. A mix of equity and debt mutual funds will offer better returns and provide a safety net against inflation. You can shift more towards debt funds as you near retirement to protect your capital.

Rental Income as Supplementary Income
1. Rs 10,000 from Rent
Your second flat provides a rental income of Rs 10,000 per month. Although this is a modest amount, it adds to your retirement income. However, rental income should not be relied on as your primary income source, especially since it may not keep up with inflation. Continue to use it as a supplementary income, but ensure you have other steady income sources post-retirement.

Tax Efficiency and Planning
1. Tax Planning for Investments
You need to be mindful of taxes, especially with equity investments. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, while short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Plan your withdrawals and portfolio rebalancing to minimise your tax liabilities. This will help you retain more of your returns.

2. Retirement Tax Planning
Upon retirement, your income may come from various sources like NPS, PF, rental income, and mutual funds. Tax-efficient planning during retirement will help you make the most of your income streams. Be aware of how different sources of income are taxed, and plan your withdrawals accordingly.

Safeguard Against Unforeseen Events
1. Emergency Fund
It is essential to maintain an emergency fund that covers at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This should be kept separate from your investment corpus. You can keep this fund in a liquid or ultra-short-term debt fund for easy access.

2. Adequate Health Insurance
As you approach retirement, medical expenses will likely rise. Ensure you have adequate health insurance for yourself and your family. This will prevent unexpected medical bills from draining your retirement corpus.

Additional Recommendations
1. Avoid Over-Reliance on Real Estate
While real estate provides rental income, it is illiquid and may not appreciate as fast as other investments. Focus more on liquid investments like mutual funds for your retirement and children’s education needs.

2. Focus on Actively Managed Funds
Consider investing in actively managed funds rather than index funds. Actively managed funds allow expert fund managers to adjust the portfolio according to market conditions, which is especially important as you approach retirement and need to protect your capital.

3. Avoid Direct Funds
Direct mutual funds may save on commissions, but at this stage of your life, professional guidance is crucial. Certified Financial Planners (CFP) provide expert advice, ensuring you make the best decisions for your goals. Regular funds offer this advisory support, which can be invaluable in making tax-efficient and risk-adjusted choices.

Finally
You are in a good position to meet your financial goals, but some adjustments are necessary. Your focus should be on systematically building up your children’s education and marriage funds while securing your retirement corpus. Diversifying your investments, increasing contributions to NPS, and seeking professional guidance for tax planning will help you make the most of your resources.

It’s crucial to reassess your plan annually and make adjustments based on your evolving financial needs. With a steady approach and disciplined investment, you will be well-prepared to meet your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu Mam Im 27 yrs old ( married) and 10 yrs old daughter. Im seperated from my husband since 2 yrs due to several reasons like he is drinking and Totally addicted to it. And he is totally dependent and now today also roaming on the roads of some streets of hyd. I belongs to an orthdox family. Now the question is one backward caste man who is married age : 33 he is interested in me and proposed me to a marriage after knowing all my past and saying that he accepts my child too. And the thing is he said a lie to me at first that he is unmarried and even though i had a good impression on him about the way he behaves with me he even treat me in a very polite manner. He says he loves me even though i too had a good impression but the things are the castes and can we both settle down with a marriage can we be happy or he is only trying to convince me to get him a wife to care care of him or only for his parents, he always talks about his own sister and also the office colleagues calls them sister and get emotional about them those who left the office. And he cries a lot which i dont trust on him and the face i see him that was not an real cry that looks like an act which i dont like in him. May he is acting ? Or really loving me, ge cares alot i feel like he is over reacting
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are in doubt, then it's highly likely that he is putting on an act. Go with your intuition and hey hey, you said that he is married and so are you...You do realize that you just can't go ahead and marry while you are already to other people, right?
Focus on what's happening in your life; you obviously have to do something about it...Other relationships can wait!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Relationship
Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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