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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Anish Question by Anish on Mar 10, 2024Hindi
Money

We have an Annual Income of 1.5Cr, Rental Assets that yield 24L Annually, Demat Portfolio of 1.5CR nd SIPs of 4.2L monthly. We have no loans or liabilities currently. I want to create a corpus of atleast 30Cr within the next 7-8 years. Kindly advise strategies to achieve the same.

Ans: Creating a corpus of Rs. 30 crore in the next 7-8 years is an ambitious and achievable goal with a strategic approach. Given your current financial standing, this goal requires optimizing your existing investments and exploring new opportunities. Your strong financial base includes a significant annual income, rental assets, a substantial demat portfolio, and regular SIPs. Let's develop a comprehensive strategy to help you reach your target.

Current Financial Situation
Income and Assets
Annual Income: Rs. 1.5 crore
Rental Income: Rs. 24 lakh annually
Demat Portfolio: Rs. 1.5 crore
SIPs: Rs. 4.2 lakh monthly
No Loans or Liabilities
Genuine Compliments
Your disciplined approach to financial planning and investments is impressive. Achieving this level of financial stability and growth showcases your commitment and strategic mindset.

Strategy to Achieve Rs. 30 Crore Corpus
1. Maximize Equity Investments
Equity investments are crucial for high returns over a long period. Your current SIPs are a great start, but increasing your exposure to equity can accelerate growth.

Increase SIP Contributions
If possible, increase your monthly SIP contributions. Analyze your monthly expenses and identify areas where you can allocate more towards SIPs. This incremental increase can significantly impact your corpus over time.

Diversify Equity Portfolio
Diversify your equity investments across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Consider including sector-specific and international funds to spread risk and capture growth across different markets.

2. Optimize Your Demat Portfolio
Your demat portfolio of Rs. 1.5 crore can be a powerful growth engine. Regularly review and rebalance it to ensure optimal performance.

Regular Portfolio Review
Conduct quarterly reviews of your demat portfolio to align with market trends and your financial goals. Remove underperforming stocks and invest in high-growth opportunities.

Dividend Reinvestment
Reinvest dividends from your demat portfolio into high-growth stocks or mutual funds. This compounding effect can enhance your returns significantly.

3. Leverage Rental Income
Your rental assets yield a substantial annual income of Rs. 24 lakh. Utilizing this income efficiently can contribute towards your goal.

Reinvest Rental Income
Allocate a portion of your rental income towards additional investments. Consider investing in mutual funds, stocks, or other high-yield instruments.

Explore Commercial Real Estate
While direct real estate investment isn't recommended, exploring commercial real estate funds or REITs can provide stable returns and diversification.

4. Explore High-Yield Investment Options
Beyond traditional equity and mutual funds, explore other high-yield investment options to enhance your portfolio's growth potential.

Venture Capital and Private Equity
Invest a portion of your corpus in venture capital or private equity funds. These investments carry higher risks but offer the potential for significant returns.

International Investments
Diversify your portfolio with international mutual funds or ETFs. This can help mitigate country-specific risks and tap into global growth opportunities.

5. Tax Efficiency and Savings
Efficient tax planning can save a substantial amount, which can be reinvested to grow your corpus.

Utilize Tax-Advantaged Accounts
Maximize contributions to tax-saving instruments like ELSS funds, PPF, and NPS. These not only save taxes but also provide decent returns.

Strategic Tax Harvesting
Implement tax harvesting strategies to minimize tax liabilities on capital gains. This involves selling underperforming assets to offset gains from profitable investments.

6. Monitor and Adjust
Regular monitoring and timely adjustments are essential to stay on track with your financial goals.

Periodic Financial Reviews
Conduct bi-annual reviews of your overall financial plan. Adjust your investment strategy based on market conditions and changes in your financial situation.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner
Regular consultations with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide expert insights and keep your strategy aligned with your goals.

Expected Returns and Risk Management
Targeted Return Rate
Aim for an annual return of around 12-15%. This is achievable with a balanced mix of high-growth equity and stable debt investments.

Risk Management
Diversify across asset classes to mitigate risk. Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses, ensuring that your long-term investments remain untouched.

Conclusion
Reaching a corpus of Rs. 30 crore in 7-8 years requires disciplined investing, diversification, and regular monitoring. By optimizing your equity investments, leveraging rental income, exploring high-yield options, and ensuring tax efficiency, you can achieve your financial goal. Regular reviews and expert guidance from a Certified Financial Planner will further enhance your strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 37 yrs old, single and earning 1lac per month. I invest 21K in 4 types of MF - Flexi cap, multicap, small cap, large cap equally distributed, 5,000 in NPS tier 1 & 2,500 in NPS tier 2, 5,000 in PPF, 6,500 SIP in smallcase stocks, I'm also trying to manage trading and having housing Loan EMI of 37,500 every month. How can I generate substantial corpus for my retirement. I'm planning to have around 10Cr. Please guide
Ans: I appreciate your dedication to securing your financial future. You're already making commendable strides towards building a substantial corpus for your retirement. Let's explore how to optimize your current investments and plan strategically to achieve your retirement goal of Rs. 10 crore.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
Monthly Income and Investment Allocation
You have a monthly income of Rs. 1 lakh. Your current investments are:

Rs. 21,000 in various mutual funds (Flexi cap, multicap, small cap, large cap).
Rs. 5,000 in NPS Tier 1.
Rs. 2,500 in NPS Tier 2.
Rs. 5,000 in PPF.
Rs. 6,500 SIP in smallcase stocks.
Rs. 37,500 in housing loan EMI.
This is a well-diversified portfolio, but let's delve deeper into each component to see if there are opportunities for optimization.

Evaluating Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Distribution Across Funds
Investing Rs. 21,000 equally in four types of mutual funds is a good start. Here’s an analysis of each category:

Flexi Cap Funds
Flexi cap funds provide flexibility by investing in companies across market capitalizations. This can offer a balanced risk-return profile.

Multicap Funds
Multicap funds invest in large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap companies. This diversification can help mitigate risks associated with a particular segment.

Small Cap Funds
Small cap funds can provide high growth potential but come with higher risk. Ensure these investments align with your risk tolerance.

Large Cap Funds
Large cap funds are generally more stable and less volatile. They can provide steady returns with lower risk compared to small cap funds.

Recommendations for Mutual Funds
Consider reviewing the performance of each fund. Actively managed funds often outperform index funds, offering better returns. Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you select the best-performing funds in each category.

National Pension System (NPS) Investment
Tier 1 and Tier 2 Accounts
NPS Tier 1 is a retirement account with tax benefits. Tier 2 is a voluntary account with more flexibility.

NPS Tier 1
Your Rs. 5,000 monthly contribution in NPS Tier 1 is good for long-term retirement savings. The tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B) are an added advantage.

NPS Tier 2
NPS Tier 2 doesn't offer tax benefits but provides liquidity. If you're not using this fund frequently, consider whether the returns meet your expectations.

Maximizing NPS Benefits
Ensure your NPS portfolio is appropriately allocated between equity, corporate bonds, and government securities to balance risk and returns. Discuss with a CFP to optimize your asset allocation within NPS.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Long-Term Security
PPF is a safe investment with tax-free returns, ideal for long-term goals. Your Rs. 5,000 monthly contribution will grow steadily over time.

Recommendations
Continue contributing to PPF for its tax-free returns and stability. It provides a solid foundation for your retirement corpus.

Smallcase Stocks and Trading
SIP in Smallcase Stocks
Investing Rs. 6,500 monthly in smallcase stocks is a strategic move. Smallcases offer a curated basket of stocks, making stock investing simpler.

Trading Activities
Active trading can be risky and may lead to losses if not managed carefully. Given your past experience, consider limiting trading activities.

Recommendations
Focus on long-term investments over active trading. Use smallcases for diversified exposure to stocks, and avoid speculative trading.

Housing Loan EMI
Managing Debt
Your housing loan EMI of Rs. 37,500 is a significant monthly expense. Ensure that this loan doesn't hinder your investment capabilities.

Recommendations
Consider prepaying the housing loan if you have surplus funds. This can reduce interest outgo and free up cash flow for investments.

Strategies to Reach Rs. 10 Crore Retirement Corpus
Goal Setting and Time Horizon
You have around 23 years until a typical retirement age of 60. Here’s a strategic plan to achieve your goal:

Increase SIP Amount Gradually
As your income grows, increase your SIP amounts. Aim to invest at least 30-40% of your monthly income.

Diversify Across Asset Classes
Ensure a good mix of equity, debt, and alternative investments. This can help balance risk and returns.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Monitor Portfolio Performance
Regularly review your portfolio’s performance. Rebalance your investments to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Seek Professional Advice
A CFP can help you navigate complex financial decisions and optimize your investment strategy.

Tax Efficiency
Utilize Tax Benefits
Maximize contributions to tax-saving instruments like PPF, NPS, and ELSS funds. This can reduce your taxable income and increase investable surplus.

Long-Term Capital Gains
Invest in equity instruments with a long-term perspective to benefit from lower capital gains tax.

Detailed Investment Plan
Equity Investments
Equities offer high growth potential. Allocate a significant portion of your portfolio to equity mutual funds and smallcases.

High Growth Funds
Focus on funds with a track record of high returns. Avoid index funds, as actively managed funds tend to perform better in the Indian market.

Regular Monitoring
Monitor the performance of equity funds regularly. Switch to better-performing funds if necessary.

Debt Investments
Debt instruments provide stability and regular income.

Balanced Portfolio
Include debt mutual funds, PPF, and NPS in your portfolio. This provides a safety net during market volatility.

Alternative Investments
Gold and Commodities
Consider investing in gold ETFs or commodities for diversification. Gold can act as a hedge against inflation.

International Funds
Invest in international funds for global exposure. This can diversify risk and provide opportunities in different markets.

Financial Discipline and Planning
Regular Savings and Investments
Consistently save and invest a portion of your income. Automate your investments to ensure regular contributions.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This can provide financial security during unforeseen events.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate life and health insurance coverage. This protects your family and preserves your investments in case of emergencies.

Final Insights
Achieving a Rs. 10 crore retirement corpus is a commendable goal. Your current investment strategy is on the right track. However, optimizing your portfolio and increasing investments can accelerate your progress.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner to refine your investment strategy and ensure you are on the path to financial success. Regularly review your portfolio, stay disciplined with your investments, and make informed decisions to achieve your retirement goals.

Best regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

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Hi, i am 28yr old software engineer in Bangalore with 1.5lac/month inhand. I have ULIP of Rs 15000/month for 10yrs, it was started on 2021. 20k in SIP (1 largecap mf, 1hybrid mf, 2 small cap mf) with 5% stepup each year. I have edu loan of 5.5 lac @6%, 4.2lac left till date. Car loan emi 13000pm for 5yrs. I want to create corpus of 5cr in upcoming 5-10 yrs. Please suggest the way for this goal.
Ans: Assessing Your Financial Situation
You are a 28-year-old software engineer in Bangalore. Your current financial details are:

Monthly Salary: Rs. 1.5 lakhs (in hand)
ULIP: Rs. 15,000 per month for 10 years, started in 2021
SIPs: Rs. 20,000 per month in mutual funds with a 5% annual step-up
Education Loan: Rs. 4.2 lakhs remaining (6% interest rate)
Car Loan: Rs. 13,000 EMI per month for 5 years
Your goal is to create a corpus of Rs. 5 crores in the next 5-10 years.

Loan Management
First, manage your loans effectively. Paying off debts will free up funds for investments.

Education Loan: Pay off the remaining Rs. 4.2 lakhs as soon as possible. The interest rate is low, but eliminating debt increases your investment capacity.

Car Loan: Continue paying the Rs. 13,000 EMI. If possible, consider prepaying to reduce interest outgo.

Investment Strategy
To achieve your Rs. 5 crores goal, a disciplined and diversified investment approach is crucial.

Review and Optimize ULIP
ULIP: Assess the performance of your ULIP. If it is underperforming, consider surrendering it and reallocating funds to mutual funds. ULIPs often have high charges and lower returns compared to mutual funds.
Increase SIP Investments
SIPs: Continue and increase your SIPs. Currently, you invest Rs. 20,000 per month. With a 5% annual step-up, this amount will grow over time. Consider increasing the step-up percentage if possible.
Diversify Your Portfolio
A balanced portfolio is essential for achieving high returns with manageable risk.

Large-Cap Funds: These funds are stable and provide consistent returns.
Hybrid Funds: These offer a balance of equity and debt.
Small-Cap Funds: These have higher growth potential but are riskier.
Additional Investments
Equity Mutual Funds: Invest more in equity mutual funds for long-term growth.
Direct Equity: Since you are learning about blue-chip stocks, consider investing directly in them.
Asset Allocation and Diversification
A well-diversified portfolio reduces risk and enhances returns. Here’s a suggested allocation:

Equity (Mutual Funds and Stocks): 70%
Debt (FDs and Debt Funds): 20%
ULIP: 10% (if you choose to continue)
Active Management vs. Direct Funds
Actively Managed Funds
Benefits: Professional fund managers aim to outperform the market. They adjust the portfolio based on market conditions.
Direct Funds
Disadvantages: Direct funds may have lower expense ratios, but they require constant monitoring. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers personalized advice and regular monitoring.
Regular Review and Adjustments
Regularly review your investment portfolio. Adjust based on market conditions and performance.

Annual Review: Check the performance of your funds and make necessary adjustments.
Rebalancing: Ensure your portfolio maintains the desired asset allocation.
Final Insights
Achieving a corpus of Rs. 5 crores in 5-10 years is ambitious but feasible. Focus on managing your loans first. Optimize your ULIP investment. Increase your SIP contributions and diversify your portfolio. Consider additional investments in equity mutual funds and direct equity. Regularly review and adjust your investments with the help of a Certified Financial Planner. With disciplined investing and regular monitoring, you can achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Money
Hello sir im 36 years old have one mod studying 3rd grade i have salary of 3L and below are my wealth accumulation. Mutual Funds: 38Lakhs Stocks: 9 Lakhs PF: 30 Lakhs ESOP: 1.5 Cr House: 2 house (80L & 50L) My monthly investment details below Mutual funds: 80K Stocks: 50K LIC: 6K I want to create a corpus of 10 Cr in next 10 years. How can i acheive this.
Ans: Creating a corpus of Rs 10 crore in the next ten years is an ambitious goal. It's achievable with a strategic plan. Let's break down your current situation and create a plan to help you reach your financial objectives. Your existing investments and monthly contributions will play a crucial role in this journey.

Evaluating Current Investments
First, let's review your current investments:

Mutual Funds: Rs 38 lakhs

Stocks: Rs 9 lakhs

Provident Fund (PF): Rs 30 lakhs

Employee Stock Ownership Plan (ESOP): Rs 1.5 crores

House Properties: Rs 80 lakhs and Rs 50 lakhs

You also invest Rs 80,000 in mutual funds and Rs 50,000 in stocks monthly. You pay Rs 6,000 towards LIC premiums.

Assessing Monthly Investments
You are already investing a significant amount each month. This is commendable. However, to meet your Rs 10 crore target in 10 years, you need to optimize your investment strategy.

Mutual Funds
You have Rs 38 lakhs in mutual funds and invest Rs 80,000 monthly. Mutual funds are a great way to accumulate wealth over the long term. However, it's crucial to choose the right funds. Actively managed funds, rather than index funds, might be more suitable for achieving higher returns due to professional management and potential for better performance.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds might seem appealing due to lower costs, but they have limitations. They simply track market indexes, limiting their potential for higher returns. Actively managed funds have fund managers who make strategic decisions to outperform the market. Though they come with higher fees, the potential for better returns can outweigh these costs.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds offer several advantages. Experienced fund managers actively select investments, aiming to outperform the market. They adapt to market changes, making strategic decisions. This dynamic approach can potentially yield higher returns compared to the passive strategy of index funds.

Stocks
You have Rs 9 lakhs in stocks and invest Rs 50,000 monthly. Stocks can offer high returns but come with higher risks. Diversifying your stock investments can reduce risk. Consider investing in stocks with strong growth potential and good track records.

Provident Fund (PF)
Your provident fund is a stable investment, providing safety and steady growth. With Rs 30 lakhs, it forms a secure base in your portfolio. However, its returns are lower compared to equity investments. It’s wise to maintain this for stability but focus more on high-growth investments.

Employee Stock Ownership Plan (ESOP)
Your ESOP worth Rs 1.5 crores is a significant asset. However, it's important to monitor the company's performance closely. Diversifying some of these holdings into other investment avenues can mitigate risks associated with company-specific factors.

House Properties
You own two houses valued at Rs 80 lakhs and Rs 50 lakhs. Real estate is a tangible asset but might not offer the liquidity needed for your goal. Consider maintaining them for stability, but focus more on liquid and high-return investments like mutual funds and stocks.

Reviewing LIC Policies
You pay Rs 6,000 monthly towards LIC policies. Traditional LIC policies offer lower returns compared to mutual funds. Consider surrendering these policies and redirecting the premiums into high-growth mutual funds. This can enhance your wealth accumulation potential.

Optimizing Monthly Investments
Let's look at optimizing your monthly investments. Currently, you invest Rs 1.36 lakhs monthly in various assets. Here's a suggested approach:

Mutual Funds: Continue investing Rs 80,000. Ensure these are in actively managed equity funds with a strong track record.

Stocks: Continue investing Rs 50,000, focusing on well-researched, high-growth stocks.

LIC: Consider redirecting Rs 6,000 from LIC premiums to mutual funds.

Strategic Investment Plan
Achieving Rs 10 crore in 10 years requires a focused strategy. Here are key steps:

Regular Review and Rebalancing: Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance it annually to maintain the desired asset allocation. This helps in optimizing returns and managing risks.

Tax Efficiency: Invest in tax-efficient instruments. Use tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS) to reduce your taxable income under Section 80C.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This ensures you don't need to liquidate long-term investments during emergencies.

Diversification: Diversify across different asset classes. This reduces risk and improves potential returns. Invest in a mix of equities, debt, and other assets.

Regular Funds vs Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, but they require active management. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures professional management and guidance. Regular funds come with the benefit of expert advice and monitoring, which can be crucial in optimizing returns and achieving financial goals.

Monitoring Progress
Track your investment performance regularly. Ensure that your portfolio is on track to meet your Rs 10 crore goal. Adjust your strategy based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Risk Management
Managing risks is essential. Diversify your investments and avoid over-concentration in any single asset. Consider investing in different sectors and geographies to spread risk.

Retirement Planning
Consider your retirement goals as well. Ensure that your investments align with your long-term retirement plans. This ensures financial stability beyond your 10-year goal.

Children's Education
Plan for your child's education. Set aside funds specifically for this purpose. Education costs can be substantial, and planning early ensures you are financially prepared.

Final Insights
Achieving a Rs 10 crore corpus in 10 years is challenging but feasible. Your current investments and monthly contributions are a strong foundation. By optimizing your investment strategy, focusing on high-growth assets, and managing risks, you can reach your financial goal.

Regularly reviewing your portfolio and making necessary adjustments is crucial. Seek professional advice when needed and stay committed to your investment plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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