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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Milind Question by Milind on Sep 21, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 49 years old and doing MF since 2009 staring with small amount 2000/- pm. Last year i shuffle the portfolio last year. I have following investment in mutual fund 1. parag parik Flexi cap fund - reg gr 5000/- 2. Canara robeco bluechief equity fund gr 5000/- 3. Invesco india infra structure fund 5000/- 4. Quant small cap fund 5000/- 5. PGIM midcap oppotunies fund gr 5000/- I want to create corpus of 2 cr in next 10 years Currently my portfolio value is around 31 L.

Ans: Value funds are a great option for many investors. They invest in undervalued companies with strong potential for future growth. These funds target businesses that may not be performing well now, but have the capacity to grow in the future. This makes them a good choice if you have a long-term horizon and the ability to tolerate volatility.

A key feature of value funds is that they can outperform during certain market phases. However, during other phases, they may underperform compared to other equity funds like growth funds or flexi-cap funds.

Assessing Long-term Returns
Although your current fund may be delivering 30% XIRR, this is not sustainable in the long run. Market conditions fluctuate, and value funds can see significant ups and downs. Historically, the long-term average return for equity funds is between 10-12%. This will vary depending on market cycles, and it’s crucial to consider this when evaluating the performance of your fund.

So, while the current returns look appealing, they should be viewed as part of a larger trend over time. A key insight here is that investing in equity always comes with volatility. Don’t get caught up in short-term gains; instead, focus on the long-term growth potential.

Value Funds vs. Other Equity Funds
Value funds are one part of the equity category, and they have a specific strategy. But compared to growth funds or flexi-cap funds, value funds can be more volatile in the short run.

In growth funds, investments are made in companies expected to grow faster than the market. They can provide better short-term performance during a bullish phase. Flexi-cap funds, on the other hand, balance risk by investing across large, mid, and small-cap companies. This makes them more flexible and diversified.

While value funds have the potential for higher returns, they may also see more volatility. Other equity funds might provide a smoother ride, albeit with possibly lower highs during market rallies.

Active Funds vs. Index Funds
It is worth noting the difference between active value funds and index funds. Index funds are passively managed and follow the market's movement. They don't aim to outperform but to match a particular benchmark. This means they may offer lower returns compared to actively managed funds, where the fund manager picks stocks based on market conditions and strategies.

One of the disadvantages of index funds is that they cannot react to market changes. If a particular sector is underperforming, index funds will still be forced to hold those stocks, while an active fund manager can make adjustments to avoid losses.

So, in your case, actively managed funds, especially in the value space, can provide better returns with professional management.

Direct vs. Regular Funds
If you are investing through direct funds, you might want to consider the benefits of switching to regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner. Direct funds have lower expense ratios, but that comes with fewer insights and advice. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you through market cycles and help rebalance your portfolio.

A good MFD with a CFP credential will actively monitor and suggest changes in your investments based on changing market conditions. This advice and regular tracking help in making better financial decisions compared to direct funds.

Setting Up an STP for Better Risk Management
Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs) can be a smart option for managing risk. If you're experiencing a windfall in returns, an STP allows you to move your money into a safer option gradually.

Instead of pulling out everything and trying to time the market, an STP can help you balance between high-risk and low-risk investments. You can shift from a value fund into something more stable like a balanced fund or debt fund over time.

This approach can lock in your profits while giving you a more stable future return.

However, an STP is not necessary for everyone. If your goal is long-term, and you can handle market fluctuations, then staying invested in the value fund may be more beneficial. Equity funds reward patience. You should only consider an STP if you're nearing a financial goal or require more liquidity.

Risk Assessment of Value Funds
Every equity fund comes with risk, but value funds can be more volatile. They often invest in companies going through temporary troubles but with strong fundamentals. The risk here is that not all of these companies will recover quickly.

In good times, value funds can outperform the market. But when the economy slows, these funds may underperform. This makes them ideal for long-term investors who are willing to ride out market swings. If you are comfortable with this level of risk, then value funds are still a good option.

The Impact of Volatility
Volatility is a part of investing in value funds. High returns like the 30% XIRR you are seeing now may not last. But even if they drop, the core potential of value funds remains strong. Over a 10 to 15-year period, the return could stabilize around 12% CAGR, which is still healthy.

It is essential to have realistic expectations when investing in these funds. Don't let short-term gains make you overly optimistic or lead you to increase your risk unnecessarily.

Should You Continue Investing in Value Funds?
If your investment horizon is long-term, value funds can still play a crucial role in your portfolio. You should, however, ensure that you are diversified across other fund types to spread your risk. A Certified Financial Planner can help in assessing whether you need to rebalance your investments.

In general, staying invested in value funds is not wrong. They offer great potential for wealth creation but come with volatility. You just need to ensure you’re not overexposed to one fund type.

Final Insights
A 30% XIRR from a value fund is impressive but temporary. Over time, expect returns to normalize around 12% with volatility.

Diversifying across other equity funds can reduce your overall risk. If you’re uncomfortable with the current volatility, consider setting up an STP. But if your goal is long-term, staying invested in the value fund could still yield strong results. Always seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to ensure you are on the right track.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/holistic_investment_planners/
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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I am 49 years old and doing MF since 2009 staring with small amount 2000/- pm. Last year i shuffle the portfolio last year. I have following investment in mutual fund 1. parag parik Flexi cap fund - reg gr 5000/- 2. Canara robeco bluechief equity fund gr 5000/- 3. Invesco india infra structure fund 5000/- 4. Quant small cap fund 5000/- I want to create corpus of 2 cr in next 10 years Currently my portfolio value is around 31 L.
Ans: At 49 years of age, you have a solid plan for the next 10 years, aiming to accumulate Rs 2 crores. While this is achievable, let's assess your current investments and how we can optimize them to help you reach your target with a well-balanced and structured approach.

Current Assessment of Your Portfolio
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: A Flexi Cap fund offers flexibility to invest across market caps. This provides diversification but may be subject to market fluctuations. While it has potential for long-term growth, it may not always outperform focused funds.

Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity Fund: Bluechip funds generally invest in large, established companies. These are relatively safer but may not give extraordinary returns compared to mid or small-cap funds.

Invesco India Infrastructure Fund: Infrastructure sector funds can have high growth potential. However, they are cyclical and may face volatility, especially during economic downturns.

Quant Small Cap Fund: Small-cap funds come with higher risk but can deliver significant returns. They are suitable if you have a high-risk appetite, but they require monitoring for volatility.

With a current portfolio value of Rs 31 lakhs, achieving Rs 2 crore in 10 years will require a balanced approach, with a mix of growth-oriented and stable investments.

Analytical Approach
Growth Potential of Your Current Funds
Your current funds cover a range of categories: Flexi Cap, Bluechip, Infrastructure, and Small Cap. While they provide diversification, there are certain risks, especially in sectoral and small-cap investments. Here's an analysis:

Flexi Cap Funds: These funds allow fund managers to shift between large, mid, and small-cap stocks depending on market conditions. This flexibility can enhance returns but may also expose you to greater risks if the market turns volatile. Consider whether you want to retain this flexibility or prefer a more focused investment approach.

Bluechip Funds: These large-cap investments offer stability. Since you have a long-term horizon, Bluechip funds can be a cornerstone of your portfolio, providing steady growth with lower risk. However, they may not deliver returns as high as mid or small-cap funds over the same period.

Sector-Specific Funds: Your investment in infrastructure is cyclical and dependent on the economy and government policies. While it can generate high returns during periods of infrastructure growth, it is more volatile compared to diversified funds.

Small Cap Funds: These funds have higher potential returns but also higher risks. They can be a good choice if you are prepared for short-term volatility.

Evaluating Portfolio Balance and Risk
Your portfolio appears to lean toward higher-risk investments, especially with exposure to small-cap and sectoral funds. While this strategy can lead to higher returns, it may expose you to considerable volatility. Given your age and the importance of preserving capital closer to retirement, you may want to rebalance your portfolio to include more stable investments.

We recommend the following adjustments:

Steps for Portfolio Optimization
Diversification to Manage Risk
Increase Large Cap Exposure: Large-cap funds are more stable and can provide consistent returns over time. Since you have a Bluechip fund, consider increasing your allocation to large-cap investments, which may help balance out the volatility from your small-cap and sectoral funds.

Limit Sectoral Exposure: While the infrastructure sector has growth potential, it's also vulnerable to cyclical downturns. Consider reducing your exposure to sector-specific funds to avoid the risk of underperformance during economic downturns.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: Hybrid funds, which invest in both equity and debt, can offer a mix of growth and stability. Adding a balanced fund to your portfolio may help reduce volatility while still allowing you to benefit from equity growth.

Reevaluate Small Cap Allocation
Small-cap funds can offer high returns but are also highly volatile. At 49, your risk tolerance may need to shift slightly toward more stable investments. You may want to limit your exposure to small-cap funds to 15-20% of your total portfolio. You could consider moving part of your small-cap allocation into mid-cap or multi-cap funds for a more balanced risk-return profile.

Consistent SIPs and Top-Ups
You are currently investing Rs 20,000 per month through SIPs. This is a good strategy to average out market volatility and stay disciplined with your investments.

Consider Increasing Your SIP Amount: If possible, increase your SIPs gradually every year. Even a small annual increase in your investment can significantly enhance your corpus over the next 10 years.

Top-Up SIPs During Market Corrections: Take advantage of market downturns by making lump sum investments or increasing your SIP during these times. This will allow you to buy more units at lower prices, boosting your overall returns.

Long-Term Focus and Active Monitoring
Given that you are 10 years away from your goal, it's important to maintain a long-term focus while regularly reviewing your portfolio:

Review Performance Annually: Keep track of how your funds are performing. If any of your funds consistently underperform their benchmark or peers, consider switching to better-performing funds after consulting a Certified Financial Planner.

Avoid Frequent Portfolio Changes: While it's essential to monitor performance, avoid the temptation to make frequent changes based on short-term market movements. Stick to your plan unless there is a fundamental reason to alter your investments.

Importance of Actively Managed Funds
You have been investing through a regular plan, which is good as it allows you access to the expertise of a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials. Let's understand the benefits of regular funds over direct funds:

Expert Advice: Regular funds give you access to professional advice. Your Certified Financial Planner can help you make informed decisions, especially when market conditions change or when your goals evolve.

Active Management: Actively managed funds tend to outperform passive investments, such as index funds, in volatile markets. Your planner will ensure your portfolio is in line with your risk tolerance and long-term goals.

Avoid Direct Funds
While direct funds may seem attractive due to lower expenses, they lack professional guidance. Managing a portfolio on your own requires significant time and knowledge. Given your 10-year goal, regular funds with the support of a planner are a more efficient way to optimize returns and manage risks.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds might not suit your goal of accumulating Rs 2 crore in 10 years. They mirror the market and lack the ability to outperform. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, aim to outperform the market. You are already investing in actively managed funds, which have the potential for better returns, especially in a growing economy like India.

Creating an Emergency Fund
Before making any changes to your portfolio, ensure you have a solid emergency fund. This should be 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. It will act as a financial cushion in case of unexpected events, allowing you to stay on course with your investments without liquidating them prematurely.

Estate Planning and Insurance Review
At 49, it's also essential to consider estate planning. Ensure that you have nominated beneficiaries for your investments and that your will is updated.

Additionally, review your insurance coverage:

Health Insurance: Make sure you have adequate health coverage for yourself and your dependents. Medical expenses can erode your savings, especially as you get older.

Life Insurance: Ensure you have sufficient life insurance coverage to protect your family’s financial future. Term insurance is the most cost-effective option for providing a large cover.

Final Insights
Achieving a corpus of Rs 2 crore in 10 years is possible with a well-thought-out strategy. Your current portfolio is diversified, but it leans toward higher-risk investments. By rebalancing your portfolio to include more stable large-cap and hybrid funds, increasing your SIP contributions, and staying focused on long-term growth, you can optimize your chances of meeting your goal.

Regular monitoring and guidance from your Certified Financial Planner will ensure that your portfolio stays aligned with your risk tolerance and financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/holistic_investment_planners/

..Read more

Latest Questions
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Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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