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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Kamal Question by Kamal on Apr 14, 2024Hindi
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I am 44 yrs old. Having 2 children 14 and 11yrs old. Pls advice a better SIP plan for their higher education.

Ans: Here's some guidance to choose a better SIP plan for your children's higher education (remember, I dont want to recommend specific schemes online ):

Investment Horizon:

Consider the time frame until your children's higher education (roughly 10-15 years for each).
Risk Tolerance:

Aggressive investments have higher growth potential but also more fluctuations. A moderate approach might be suitable given the long timeframe.
Investment Options:

Equity SIPs: Invest in diversified equity mutual funds (across large, mid, and small-cap) for potentially higher returns over the long term. However, be prepared for market ups and downs.
Balanced SIPs: These invest in a mix of equity and debt, offering a balance between growth potential and stability.
SIP Strategy:

Start Early, Invest Regularly: Even a moderate SIP amount started early can benefit from compounding over a long period.
Staggered SIPs: Consider investing a portion of the SIP amount in each child's name to potentially benefit from market fluctuations.
Additional Considerations:

Child Education Goal Planning: Estimate the potential cost of higher education (including inflation) to determine the total investment corpus needed.
Review and Rebalance: Periodically review your SIPs and rebalance the portfolio if needed to maintain your risk tolerance.
Tax Planning: Explore tax-saving options like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) funds that offer tax benefits.
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP):

A CFP can create a personalized investment plan for your children's education needs. They can consider factors like your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and future education costs to recommend suitable SIP plans and asset allocation.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

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Hello sir , I am 32 year old I am a salaried person around 60k per month and want to start SIP for my children education I have two children one is 6 year old and another one is 3 year old. Please suggest me the best
Ans: It's fantastic that you're thinking ahead and planning for your children's education at such a young age. Starting SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) is a smart way to build a corpus for their future educational expenses.
Considering your financial situation and your children's ages, here's a suggested approach:
1. Set Clear Goals: Determine the amount you'll need for each child's education, factoring in inflation and the type of education you aspire for them. This will help you set realistic investment targets.
2. Choose Suitable SIPs: Opt for diversified equity mutual funds that have a track record of consistent performance and align with your investment goals and risk tolerance. Look for funds with a long-term horizon and a focus on capital appreciation.
3. Allocate Funds Wisely: Divide your SIP investments among different funds to spread risk and maximize growth potential. Consider a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds to achieve diversification and optimize returns.
4. Start Early and Stay Consistent: Time is your biggest ally when it comes to investing. Start your SIPs as soon as possible to benefit from the power of compounding. Even small, regular investments can grow substantially over time with discipline and consistency.
5. Review and Adjust Regularly: Periodically review your SIP investments to ensure they're on track to meet your goals. Make adjustments as needed based on changes in your financial situation, market conditions, and investment objectives.
6. Stay Disciplined: Avoid the temptation to withdraw or stop your SIPs during market fluctuations. Stay focused on your long-term goals and continue investing consistently, regardless of short-term market movements.
7. Consider Tax Implications: Keep tax efficiency in mind while selecting SIPs. Opt for funds with favorable tax treatment like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) for potential tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.
Remember, education is one of the most valuable investments you can make for your children's future. By starting SIPs early and staying disciplined, you can build a solid financial foundation to provide them with the best opportunities for education.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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I am 36 yrs , working as a educator in govt college getting in hand 80k/month ,sip of 4500 ,pls suggest best investment plan for children higher education and corpus of 2 cr till 55
Ans: Planning for Your Children's Higher Education and Building a ?2 Crore Corpus
Understanding Your Goals and Current Financial Situation
Congratulations on prioritizing your children's education and financial security. With your dedication and a well-structured plan, achieving a corpus of ?2 crore by the age of 55 is feasible.

Compliments on Your Responsible Approach
Your commitment to securing your children's future education is commendable. Your proactive approach to financial planning will undoubtedly benefit your family in the long run.

Evaluating Investment Options
SIP Investment:

Currently investing ?4,500 per month.
Consider increasing SIP amount gradually to align with your target corpus.
Income and Expenses:

Monthly in-hand income: ?80,000.
Assess your monthly expenses to identify surplus funds for investment.
Investment Horizon and Risk Profile:

Goal: Achieve ?2 crore corpus by age 55.
With a long-term horizon, a balanced approach with moderate risk is advisable.
Tailored Investment Strategies
Education Fund for Children:

Open a dedicated education fund for each child.
Allocate a portion of your monthly surplus towards these funds.
Diversified Investment Portfolio:

Consider a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid mutual funds.
Aim for a diversified portfolio to mitigate risk and optimize returns.
Systematic Investment Planning (SIP):

Increase SIP contributions annually to align with your financial goals.
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio as needed.
Tax-Efficient Investments:

Explore tax-saving investment options like ELSS funds to optimize tax benefits.
Utilize tax-saving instruments effectively to maximize returns.
Emergency Fund Provision:

Maintain a separate emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of expenses.
Ensure liquidity to cover unforeseen expenses without impacting your investment corpus.
Monitoring and Reviewing Your Plan
Regular Portfolio Review:

Assess your portfolio's performance at least annually.
Make adjustments based on changing market conditions and financial goals.
Education Fund Tracking:

Monitor the growth of your children's education funds.
Adjust contributions as necessary to ensure they remain on track.
Financial Advisor Consultation:

Consider consulting a certified financial planner periodically.
Get personalized advice on optimizing your investment strategy.
Conclusion
By adopting a disciplined approach to investing and gradually increasing your SIP contributions, you can achieve your goal of building a ?2 crore corpus for your children's education and your retirement. Stay focused, review your progress regularly, and make informed decisions to ensure financial security for your family's future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 39 years old professional with monthly take home salary of INR2.25 lacs/month. I am investing Rs. 50k via SIP with ratio of 45:35:20 in large:mid:small cap funds from 2022 which is having current corpus of Rs. 30 lacs. Recently, I bought flat worth 1 cr with home loan of Rs. 30 lacs. Currently my monthly expense is Rs. 70k. I have 2 kids of 8 years and 3 years respectively. Pl guide how to plan for my kids higher education and plan for early retirement (if possible).
Ans: At 39, you are at a prime stage of wealth accumulation. With a monthly take-home salary of Rs. 2.25 lakh and disciplined SIPs of Rs. 50,000, you’ve built a good foundation. Your current SIP allocation (45% large-cap, 35% mid-cap, and 20% small-cap) is balanced. Your accumulated corpus of Rs. 30 lakhs in two years is commendable. You also have a home loan of Rs. 30 lakh, which is manageable given your income.

With two young children, you rightly want to plan for their future education and your potential early retirement.

Let's now create a strategy for both objectives—kids’ education and your early retirement.



Planning for Your Kids’ Higher Education
Your children are 8 and 3 years old, which means their higher education costs will come in around 10 and 15 years, respectively. Education inflation is generally higher than regular inflation, with costs increasing by 8-10% annually. This is an important factor to consider.

Steps for Higher Education Planning:

Determine Education Costs: Estimate the total cost based on current tuition fees, living expenses, and other related costs for both undergraduate and postgraduate education. A ballpark figure for quality higher education 10-15 years from now can range from Rs. 25 lakh to Rs. 50 lakh per child, depending on the field of study and country of education.

SIP Allocation for Education: You can create a separate SIP for your children’s education. Based on your financial ability, start an SIP of around Rs. 20,000 per month dedicated solely for this purpose. Equity mutual funds with a combination of large and mid-cap funds can work well due to the long-term horizon.

Review Annually: Every year, review the SIP amount and increase it by 10-15% to keep pace with inflation and rising education costs.

Balanced Growth: As the education goal nears, gradually shift the accumulated corpus into safer, debt-oriented funds to protect against market volatility.

By taking these steps, you can accumulate a corpus that will help cover the education expenses of both your children.



Planning for Early Retirement
If you wish to retire early, say at 50 or 55, your investments will need to grow significantly. You would also need a large enough corpus to sustain you for the post-retirement years, likely 30-40 years.

Steps to Plan for Early Retirement:

Assess Retirement Expenses: To determine your post-retirement expenses, start by estimating your current expenses. Your current monthly expense is Rs. 70,000. Factor in inflation, say 6-7%, to arrive at a future value. Your expenses at retirement will likely be higher due to inflation.

Increase SIP Contributions: Your current Rs. 50,000 SIP is good, but if you are aiming for early retirement, you should gradually increase this. Aim to step up your SIP by at least 10% each year, reaching Rs. 1 lakh per month in the next few years.

Asset Allocation Review: While your current ratio (45:35:20 in large, mid, and small-cap funds) is suitable for growth, it would be good to include a balanced advantage fund. This fund adjusts the allocation between equity and debt based on market conditions, adding a layer of safety. This could form about 20-25% of your total portfolio.

Debt Management: You have a Rs. 30 lakh home loan, which is relatively small compared to your income. Prioritising prepayment of this loan can provide peace of mind and reduce your financial burden as you approach retirement. With surplus funds, consider making lump sum prepayments on your loan.

Retirement Corpus Estimation: To ensure financial independence during early retirement, you would need a significant corpus. Considering your expenses, you may need approximately Rs. 5-6 crores to retire early and comfortably. This will provide a monthly income of Rs. 1.5-2 lakh post-retirement, accounting for inflation.



Taxation on Mutual Funds and NPS
Understanding tax implications is crucial when planning for both retirement and education goals.

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. This will impact your net returns, and planning for taxes can help you better manage withdrawals closer to retirement or education needs.

Debt Mutual Funds: These funds are taxed as per your income tax slab, and both LTCG and STCG apply here.

Plan your withdrawals keeping these tax rules in mind to optimise your effective returns.



Insurance and Emergency Planning
With two children, life insurance is a critical part of your financial plan. Ensure you have adequate term insurance to cover your liabilities (like the home loan) and future goals (education and retirement) in case of any unfortunate events.

Term Insurance: Ensure your term insurance coverage is at least 10-15 times your annual income. With your current income, you should aim for a cover of around Rs. 2.5 crore.

Health Insurance: You should have sufficient health insurance for yourself, your spouse, and your children. This will prevent you from dipping into your investments in case of medical emergencies.

Emergency Fund: You should ideally maintain an emergency fund that covers 6-12 months of expenses. This would amount to around Rs. 4-8 lakh, considering your current expenses.



Final Insights
Your current financial position is strong, and you are on the right path with your SIP investments. However, with increasing responsibilities and goals like education and early retirement, you may need to make a few adjustments.

Increase SIP Contributions Gradually: Aiming for Rs. 1 lakh monthly will help you build a significant corpus.

Separate SIP for Education: Consider starting a dedicated SIP for your kids’ higher education.

Loan Prepayment: Prepay your home loan to free up future cash flows.

Insurance and Emergency Fund: Ensure adequate insurance coverage and maintain a robust emergency fund.

By following these steps and regularly reviewing your portfolio, you can build a strong financial foundation for both your children’s education and your early retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1471 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

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Hello, I went to kota in class 11 in 2019 I was a below average student there but as soon as my class 12 session was to be started I already started studying the syllabus and was determined that I will crack neet in my first attempt any how but suddenly Covid came and I went back to home ,online classes started but after two months suddenly my mental health started deteriorating and eventually I was rushed to various doctors and finally to a psychiatrist , after a few months of constant visits etc I got diagnosed with schizophrenia ,my medications started heavily impacting my sleep,apettite,emotions etc. my studies got completely stopped slowly slowly till neet 2021 I was in that situation that I can just only sit in exam with no preparation at all I scored very very less again next year as I was not much well I got very less in neet 2022 same story in neet 2023 too then for neet 2024 I started studying a little bit due to not studying properly since two three years I was not studying properly I just watched yt videoes on how to study that ,how to do this and that regarding studies I mean I only accumulated knowledge but didn't took actions which ruined my neet 2024 result too .now my parents enrolled me in a regular central government college in bsc zoology hons. Inside me too for some time I accepted it and tried to move on but unable to do that bcoz I wanted to be a doctor since childhood and also have keen interest in medical study it's almost time for neet 2025 but I am unprepared due to not arriving at a firm decision but now I am almost healthy and decided to prepare for neet 2026 will it be worth the decision? I want to try atleast once with my full potential and dedication rest results will be in god's hands Or should I not prepare and focus on anything else?
Ans: Dear Harsh,
Any competitive entrance exam requires focus, discipline and a lot of hard work. Unfortunately due to your circumstances, this hasn't been possible.
Your parents possibly don't want you to go through the disappointment all over again and feel that a regular degree will get your feet back on the ground. Now, whether you must write NEET again or not is a decision you will have to take BUT only if you have a firm plan in hand. You will need to get back all your focus and give it your best shot. Now, how important is this exam for you and why you want to take it, is something only you know. You will also need your parents' support in case you decide to go for it after all, so also consult with them. If you are able to inspire yourself, then you know what is to be done.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1471 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
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I am 48, male, divorced from my wife. I have a 12 year old daughter. I am in love with a colleague in my office who is also married and seeking divorce. We have known each other for 3 years. Her husband recently found about us and has since decided to delay the divorce proceedings. He is not consenting for mutual divorce. While we love and support each other, this new development is now affecting our relationship. Her husband doesn't appreciate us meeting or talking at work or texting each other. He is unecessarily harassing her to make it seem like I am the villain and she should feel guilty about choosing to divorce at the age of 45. I don't see how it is my fault. But I don't want her to go through this pain of dealing with a guy who she doesn't want to live with. Please suggest what I can do to help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What can you do other than just be by her side and simply understand her situation?
Her husband perhaps feels threatened by another male stepping in and hence delaying the divorce or not consenting to it will drag this whole thing...On your part, do not get so emotionally invested that it begins to take a toll on your peace of mind. This situation isn't going to be an easy one and it will just stretch your emotional band very thin; both for you and the lady. So, take it slow and it may help not being in the radar much so that the husband also backs off. It's sadly called - playing games.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

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I am 62 years old.I have 1 Crore at present.I have health insurance for 25 Lakhs.I want to draw an amount of 50,000 per month through systematic withdrawal plan form mutual funds.After my life i want to give a huge Corpus to my son from this investments.Please advice me for my retirement planning.
Ans: 1. Understanding Your Financial Needs
You have Rs 1 crore at present.
You want Rs 50,000 per month through a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP).
The objective is to generate enough income to meet your monthly needs and create wealth for your son.
2. Withdrawal Strategy: SWP Setup
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) is a smart way to create a monthly income.
You need to ensure that the capital remains growing even while withdrawals happen.
Your goal of Rs 50,000 per month is about Rs 6 lakh per year.
Your Rs 1 crore corpus needs to generate this amount.
A balanced portfolio of equity and debt will help in managing risk while offering growth.
A well-planned SWP structure will ensure that your corpus grows, even with withdrawals.
3. Investment Strategy for Long-Term Stability and Growth
Equity investments are ideal for growth, especially in the first few years.
Debt funds provide stability, reducing volatility in your portfolio.
Mutual funds can be actively managed to meet both income and growth objectives.
Avoid index funds as they lack active management. They follow the market, so they cannot provide higher returns than actively managed funds.
Direct funds, while cheaper, have no expert oversight.
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures you get expert guidance, which enhances returns.
4. Asset Allocation
A balanced asset allocation helps grow your wealth while ensuring stability.
Start with around 40% equity, 40% debt, and 20% in safer assets like gold.
Equities will generate higher returns over time, while debt will give stability.
Gold helps hedge against inflation and provides diversification.
Over time, gradually reduce equity exposure and increase debt allocation to preserve capital.
5. Managing Risk
Risk management is key in your case, especially with a fixed withdrawal amount.
You don’t want to dip into the principal too soon, so focus on risk-adjusted returns.
A combination of mid-cap, large-cap, and hybrid funds provides both stability and growth potential.
Debt mutual funds with shorter durations help balance the risk and returns.
A portion should be allocated to liquid funds or short-term debt funds for emergencies.
6. Health Insurance and Emergency Planning
You already have Rs 25 lakh health insurance, which is a great start.
With rising medical costs, you may need to consider increasing coverage over time.
Set aside an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6 months of expenses in liquid funds.
Ensure that your health insurance is comprehensive and covers critical illnesses.
7. Creating a Legacy for Your Son
You want to leave a substantial corpus for your son.
Your investments should be structured to grow over time, even after your lifetime.
A combination of equity, hybrid funds, and a small percentage in gold can work well.
To ensure the corpus grows, focus on reinvesting dividends and returns.
Also, consider setting up a trust or nominee to ensure your assets are transferred smoothly.
8. Tax Planning for Retirement
Focus on tax-efficient investments.
Long-term capital gains on equity funds are tax-free after a certain holding period.
Debt funds may have a tax advantage if held for more than 3 years.
Take advantage of tax-saving mutual funds if you are eligible for deductions.
Regular review of your tax liabilities helps in keeping your investments tax-efficient.
9. Monitoring and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it’s in line with your retirement goals.
Rebalancing annually will keep your asset allocation on track.
Keep track of your SWP withdrawals and adjust based on market performance.
As you get closer to your desired age, you can reduce equity exposure and increase debt allocation.
10. Avoiding Certain Investment Options
Avoid investing in annuities, as they don’t provide flexibility.
Investment-cum-insurance plans like ULIPs should be reconsidered.
These have high charges and offer lower returns compared to mutual funds.
Insurance should be separate from your investments to achieve higher returns.
Consider surrendering any such policies and reinvesting the amount in mutual funds for better growth.
11. Health and Long-Term Care Planning
Long-term care and medical expenses should be factored in.
After retirement, you may not have a regular income, so insurance will help.
Consider building a portion of your portfolio to cover these needs.
12. Legacy Planning and Nomination
Ensure you have a clear will and nominations for all your assets.
Mutual funds and other investments should have a designated nominee.
This helps transfer assets to your son easily after your lifetime.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to streamline this process.
13. Review Your Plan Regularly
Keep reviewing your financial goals annually.
Adjust your strategy if there are major changes in market conditions or personal goals.
Your retirement portfolio should be flexible to handle changes in market conditions.
Ensure that any new goals or needs are factored into your investment planning.
Final Insights
Your Rs 1 crore is a great base for building a secure retirement.
Balance your portfolio to generate income while keeping the principal intact.
Actively managed funds are the best choice for long-term wealth generation.
Regular monitoring and a disciplined SWP strategy will help meet your goals.
Build a legacy for your son by ensuring that your investments grow even after your lifetime.
Health insurance, tax planning, and estate planning should be integral to your strategy.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7741 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

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Hello Ramalingam sir. Good day. I'm looking to invest 20L for long term (min 10Y). Please advise how should I diversify the same?
Ans: Investing Rs 20 lakh for the long term requires careful planning. A well-diversified portfolio balances risk and return. Below is a structured approach to diversification.

Understanding Long-Term Investing
Long-term investing builds wealth over time.

A well-diversified portfolio reduces risk.

Regular monitoring is essential for success.

Asset Allocation Strategy
Spreading investments across different asset classes is important.

Asset allocation should match risk tolerance and goals.

Rebalancing every year ensures stability.

Equity Investments for Growth
Equity investments provide higher returns over time.

Investing in quality mutual funds ensures professional management.

Actively managed funds perform better than index funds.

Mid-cap and small-cap funds can give high growth.

A mix of large, mid, and small caps balances risk.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures better fund selection.

Debt Investments for Stability
Debt investments provide steady returns.

They reduce overall portfolio risk.

Corporate bonds and debt funds offer better returns than fixed deposits.

Government bonds are secure but have lower returns.

A portion of capital in debt instruments gives stability.

Gold for Hedging
Gold acts as a hedge against inflation.

5-10% of the portfolio in gold is beneficial.

Sovereign gold bonds provide interest and capital appreciation.

Gold ETFs and digital gold are convenient options.

International Exposure for Diversification
Investing in global funds provides currency diversification.

Exposure to international markets enhances portfolio strength.

Developed market funds offer stability.

Emerging market funds provide growth opportunities.

Investing in REITs for Real Estate Exposure
Real estate investment trusts (REITs) provide real estate exposure.

They generate rental income and capital appreciation.

REITs are more liquid than physical real estate.

Avoiding Insurance-Based Investments
Investment-cum-insurance plans give poor returns.

ULIPs have high charges and low flexibility.

Insurance should be separate from investments.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Always keep an emergency fund ready.

Three to six months of expenses should be in a liquid fund.

This ensures financial security during unforeseen events.

Tax-Efficient Investing
Investing in tax-saving funds reduces tax liability.

Long-term capital gains from equities are tax-efficient.

Debt investments should be chosen based on tax benefits.

A Certified Financial Planner helps in tax-efficient planning.

SIP vs. Lump Sum Investment
Systematic investment plans (SIPs) reduce market timing risk.

Lump sum investments work well in market corrections.

A combination of SIP and lump sum is effective.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Portfolio performance should be reviewed yearly.

Rebalancing ensures asset allocation stays aligned with goals.

Market fluctuations require adjustments.

Final Insights
A well-diversified portfolio ensures wealth creation.

Equity, debt, gold, and international funds balance returns and risk.

A Certified Financial Planner helps in building a strong investment plan.

Monitoring investments ensures long-term success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1471 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
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Anu mam, I am 21 about to graduate this year. So I am a single child and I just got to know that my parents are planning to separate. They are both seeing different people but none of them have cared to sit down and discuss this with me. I am old enough to make decisions. But I feel betrayed by my own parents. I don't have siblings or cousins with whom I can discuss this. I mean, what happens to me after my parents separate? Where will I stay? What about home? Both my parents are travelling or working late so we hardly spend time together at home to have a conversation. I have suggested several times that I want to talk but there is no response from either of them. There is always some urgent work to attend, some family event coming up and this gets brushed aside. I feel like I am not even their child any more. They have both mentally moved on... and I feel betrayed, lonely. I don't know what to do. Can you help?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear that. It is never easy to understand when your parents are planning to separate and it leaves you with a lot of questions when left unanswered can lead to a very unsettled feeling.
Perhaps they are still wondering how to break the news to you. If they have been avoiding this topic, then it is evident that they are not ready to tell you or it's still in an awkward phase.
You are 21 and obviously there's no point hiding this from you anymore. Make a dinner plan outside of home where they will not be able to move about and cite urgent work etc. Mid-way through dinner, ask them...they may deny or one of them may walk out; but at least they know that you are aware and will want to talk about it eventually. The path to a conversation has opened then and then you can make a plan about how to go about it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1471 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 31, 2025

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Me 38ki hu mera bf 28ka wo mujhse sucha pyar krta hai shaadi bi Krna hai usko but bola ki me 2cr kmalu tb krunga t shaadi usne ghr me baat bhi ni ki apne na mere ki confirm krde ki shaadi t krunga or sagai krle usne BTech science kri hai wo mera office me lga jha selry 18k hai but maine kha ki tum apni qualification me hisaab se khi or job krlo jha 50k mile taki tum mere ghr walo se shaadi ki baat kr sko humre riste ko 4saal ho gye hai but usko m bhoat smjhaya ki khi or job krlo set ho jaye but ni ki or is office me job krha jha 18k milre hai usko fir bolta hai ki me 2cr acount me ho tb me Shaadi krunga tumse but mere ghr wale pressure krhe hai alg or ye koi faisla ni lera hai me kya kru
Ans: Dear Tiya,
Uske paas tumse zyaada waqt hai umar ke hisaab se isiliye woh yeh bol paa raha hai. Woh galat nahin na tum galat ho. Dono apni apni jagah sahi ho.
Aapko apni life mein kya chahiye? Shaadi aur ek pariwaar? Toh aapko yahi sochna chahiye ki kya yeh aapka bf samajhta hai aur kya is waqt woh yeh aapko de paayega. Kamaai ki baare mein bol rahaa hai woh; woh 2 Cr kitne saal aur lagenge? Kya aap intezaar karna chahoge? Agar nahin, toh is waqt woh bhi shaadi nahin karna chahte...toh aap unko majboor nahin kar sakte...Aaraam se soch vichaar kar lijiye aur ek nateeje par aana. Aap intezaar hi karte rahoge aur umar bhi nikla jaayega...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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