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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7163 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Mrinal Question by Mrinal on May 25, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 39 male. I have a current corpus as follows. MF 15L, PF 23L, PPF 5L, company share 7L, NPS 8 lakhs (10k per month), 60L stock trading earning 2% per month, loan outstanding 15L, earning 3L per month and adding 50k per month into trading capital. I have a home of 1 crore and one kid . I continue 36k per month MF SIP, 28k per month MF, 40kvhome loan emi. After 7 years all these will accumulate to these numbers PF 75 lkhs Company share 40lakgs MF 80 lakhs EL & gratuity 15 lakhs LIC 35 lakhs I want to retire at 45 and wishing and confident to accumulate 7 crores in total. These are my plans for retirement. 1. Planning to do a MF SWP for 60k per month or 5% per anum from a corpus of 1.5 Cr. Will that 1.5 crore grow and last beating inflation till the rest of my life? 2. I wish to put these amounts in MF .50lakhs for emergency fund, 50lakhs kids education and marriage. 3. Will keep on trading with the remaining 4-5 crores cautiously till I attain 60 years of age. Is there any suggestions on asset allocation, or any other way of putting funds now and after retirement?

Ans: Planning for retirement is a significant financial decision, especially when aiming to retire early. You have a clear vision for your financial future, and your detailed plan shows that you have given it a lot of thought. Let's evaluate your current situation and future plans, and provide suggestions to help you achieve your retirement goals by age 45.

Current Financial Snapshot
You have a diverse portfolio with various investments. Your assets and monthly contributions are:

Mutual Funds: Rs 15 lakhs
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 23 lakhs
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 5 lakhs
Company Shares: Rs 7 lakhs
National Pension System (NPS): Rs 8 lakhs (contributing Rs 10,000 monthly)
Stock Trading: Rs 60 lakhs, earning 2% monthly
Loan Outstanding: Rs 15 lakhs
Monthly Earnings: Rs 3 lakhs
Monthly SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs 36,000
Additional Monthly Mutual Fund Investment: Rs 28,000
Monthly Home Loan EMI: Rs 40,000
Your home is valued at Rs 1 crore, and you have one child.

Future Projections
In seven years, you expect your investments to grow as follows:

PF: Rs 75 lakhs
Company Shares: Rs 40 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 80 lakhs
Employee Provident Fund (EPF) and Gratuity: Rs 15 lakhs
LIC: Rs 35 lakhs
You aim to accumulate a total corpus of Rs 7 crores by the age of 45.

Retirement Income Strategy
You plan to implement a Mutual Fund Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for Rs 60,000 per month or 5% per annum from a corpus of Rs 1.5 crores.

Assessing the SWP Plan
Using a SWP for a steady income is a popular strategy. However, the sustainability of this plan depends on the growth of your corpus and inflation.

Growth and Longevity: If your mutual fund investments grow at a rate higher than your withdrawal rate (5%), your corpus can sustain and even grow over time. However, this requires choosing actively managed funds with a good track record of beating inflation and market returns.

Inflation Impact: Over the years, inflation can erode the purchasing power of your withdrawals. Ensure your investments are in funds that consistently outperform inflation.

Asset Allocation for Safety and Growth
Diversifying your investments is crucial to managing risk and ensuring growth. Let's assess your proposed allocations:

Emergency Fund (Rs 50 lakhs): Having a substantial emergency fund is wise. Ensure this is kept in a highly liquid, low-risk investment, such as a money market fund or a high-interest savings account.

Child’s Education and Marriage (Rs 50 lakhs): Investing this amount in mutual funds for long-term goals is prudent. Consider equity-oriented funds with a history of good performance.

Trading Strategy
Continuing with stock trading cautiously till 60 years of age can be lucrative. However, trading involves significant risk.

Risk Management: Ensure you have a robust risk management strategy. Never risk more than you can afford to lose, and maintain a diversified trading portfolio.

Consistent Earnings: Achieving a consistent 2% monthly return is ambitious. Regularly review and adjust your trading strategies based on market conditions.

Recommendations for Asset Allocation
Diversify Investments: Diversify between equity, debt, and hybrid funds to balance risk and return.

Regular Review: Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to align with market conditions and life changes.

Professional Guidance: Consider periodic consultations with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your strategy remains sound and aligned with your goals.

Conclusion
Your detailed planning and disciplined approach are commendable. With a focus on maintaining diversified investments and managing risks, you are well-positioned to achieve your retirement goals. Your proactive planning for an emergency fund and child’s education ensures financial security for unforeseen events and important milestones.

Final Thoughts
Stay Informed: Keep abreast of market trends and economic changes.
Be Flexible: Be ready to adjust your strategies as needed.
Prioritize Security: Ensure your investments align with your risk tolerance and long-term goals.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7163 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am a 35y old single Male. My target is to retire at 50 with a corpus of 25 Crores. Currently, the worth of my portfolio is 1.25 Crore with 75 lakhs in MFs, 25 lakhs in NPS, 10 lakh in PPF, 10 lakh in SGB and about 5 lakhs in Cash and Stocks. My monthly investment is 90k in MFs and annual investment in PPF and SGB is 1.5 lakhs each. I have a 2Bhk house in Pune and my after-tax salary is 2 lakhs/month. My company takes care of my accommodation and my regular monthly expenses are about 50k/month. Do you want to suggest any other plans or am I doing alright keeping my goal in mind? Currently, the MFs are weighted about 50% Small cap, 25% Mid and flexi cap and 25% Large cap.
Ans: Your dedication to financial planning is commendable, especially with a clear retirement goal in mind. Let's delve into your current situation and discuss potential adjustments:

Your current portfolio allocation seems well-diversified, with a significant portion invested in mutual funds, NPS, PPF, SGB, and some cash and stocks. This mix offers a balance of growth and stability.

Your monthly investments and annual contributions to PPF and SGB reflect a disciplined savings approach. It's crucial to maintain this consistency to achieve your retirement target.

Your 2BHK house in Pune is an asset that adds to your net worth and provides security. It's great that your company covers your accommodation expenses, easing your financial burden.

With your after-tax salary and monthly expenses, you have a surplus for investments, which is a positive sign. It's essential to ensure that this surplus is utilized efficiently towards your retirement goal.

Considering your goal of accumulating a corpus of 25 Crores by the age of 50, it might be beneficial to reassess your asset allocation strategy. While your current allocation is diversified, you may want to tilt it slightly towards more conservative options as you approach retirement age.

Given your aggressive investment approach, you might consider gradually shifting towards a more balanced portfolio with a higher allocation to large-cap and balanced funds, which are comparatively less volatile.

Additionally, exploring other investment avenues such as direct equity, debt funds, or alternative investments could further diversify your portfolio and potentially enhance returns.

Regularly reviewing your portfolio's performance and rebalancing it as needed is crucial to stay on track towards your retirement goal.

Overall, you're on the right track with your financial planning efforts. Continue with your disciplined approach, stay informed about market trends, and seek professional advice if needed to optimize your portfolio further.

Keep up the excellent work, and with persistence and smart decision-making, you're well-positioned to achieve your retirement target!

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7163 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello, I am Avinash 40 year old IT professional and wishes to retire in next 5-10 years. I do have 38 lakh MF investments, I stay in own house on bangalore. I do not have any liabilities. I have 45 lakh worth EPS and 20 lakh worth PPF. Invested in NPS both tier 1 and 2 for 5 lakh each. I do have SGB worth 6 lakh. But I do have 50 lakh amount invested in FD. I want to invest some amount to invest to other asset class may be equity. I want to retire with corpus of 4 cr and my monthly expenditure in 50k. Pls guide.
Ans: Dear Avinash,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your financial details and retirement goals. It’s impressive that you have planned your finances well and have a clear vision for your future. Let’s analyze your current situation and chart a strategic path towards achieving your retirement corpus of Rs 4 crore, while also ensuring a smooth retirement with monthly expenses of Rs 50,000.

Understanding Your Current Financial Landscape
You have diversified your investments across various asset classes, which is commendable. Let's break down your current financial standing:

Mutual Funds: Rs 38 lakh
EPS: Rs 45 lakh
PPF: Rs 20 lakh
NPS: Rs 10 lakh (5 lakh each in Tier 1 and 2)
Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB): Rs 6 lakh
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs 50 lakh
Your total current investments amount to Rs 169 lakh (1.69 crore). You have no liabilities, which is a strong position to be in.

Evaluating Your Investment Portfolio
Mutual Funds
Your Rs 38 lakh investment in mutual funds is a solid foundation. Given your retirement timeline of 5-10 years, it’s crucial to ensure your mutual funds are aligned with your risk tolerance and retirement goals. Active management of these funds can offer potential benefits over index funds. Actively managed funds, run by experienced fund managers, can adapt to market conditions and potentially outperform benchmarks. This flexibility can be advantageous in achieving higher returns, essential for meeting your retirement target.

EPS and PPF
Your EPS of Rs 45 lakh and PPF of Rs 20 lakh are stable, low-risk investments providing security and tax benefits. However, they may not offer the high returns needed to reach your Rs 4 crore goal. The PPF, with its assured returns and tax benefits, should continue to be part of your portfolio, but relying solely on these for growth could be limiting.

NPS
The NPS is another excellent retirement tool, offering a mix of equity and debt exposure. Given your contributions, it’s vital to ensure that the asset allocation within your NPS is optimal. Typically, the equity portion of NPS can offer higher returns compared to its debt counterpart, but it's essential to balance it according to your risk tolerance.

Sovereign Gold Bonds
Your Rs 6 lakh investment in SGBs is a good hedge against inflation and market volatility. However, gold typically offers moderate returns compared to equities and should be a part of a diversified portfolio rather than a core growth driver.

Fixed Deposits
You have Rs 50 lakh in fixed deposits, which are safe but offer lower returns compared to other investment avenues like equities or actively managed mutual funds. To achieve your retirement goal, it might be beneficial to redirect a portion of these funds into higher-yielding investments.

Strategic Recommendations for Achieving Rs 4 Crore
Diversify into Equity Mutual Funds
Given your Rs 50 lakh in FDs, consider reallocating a significant portion to equity mutual funds. Equity mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, have the potential to provide higher returns over the long term. While FDs offer safety, the low returns may not suffice to reach your Rs 4 crore target. Actively managed equity mutual funds, with professional fund managers, can navigate market complexities better and aim for higher growth.

Optimize Your NPS Allocation
Review and possibly adjust your NPS Tier 1 and Tier 2 allocations to ensure a higher equity component. This can enhance the growth potential of your NPS contributions. Given the tax benefits and long-term growth prospects of NPS, a higher equity allocation can significantly impact your retirement corpus positively.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Periodic review and rebalancing of your portfolio are essential. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. By regularly assessing your portfolio, you can ensure it remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. This proactive approach can help in mitigating risks and capitalizing on growth opportunities.

Consider Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in equity mutual funds can be an excellent way to enter the market gradually, reducing the impact of market volatility. With Rs 50 lakh in FDs, you can systematically transfer a portion into SIPs. This disciplined approach can harness the power of compounding and rupee cost averaging, enhancing your portfolio’s growth potential.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Ensure that a part of your FDs or a separate liquid fund acts as an emergency fund. This fund should cover at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. Having a robust emergency fund ensures that you do not have to dip into your retirement corpus for unexpected expenses, maintaining the integrity of your long-term financial plans.

Addressing Potential Concerns and Misconceptions
Disadvantages of Index Funds
While index funds are often lauded for their low costs and simplicity, they lack the flexibility of actively managed funds. Index funds are designed to match market returns, not exceed them. In a volatile market, actively managed funds have the advantage of making strategic moves to potentially outperform the index. Therefore, in your case, actively managed equity funds might be a better choice to achieve your ambitious retirement goal.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct mutual funds, while having lower expense ratios, require a good understanding of the market and regular monitoring. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide professional expertise and guidance. A CFP can help in selecting the right funds, regular monitoring, and making necessary adjustments based on market conditions and your changing financial goals. The added value of professional advice often outweighs the cost difference between direct and regular funds.

Ensuring a Comfortable Retirement
Monthly Withdrawal Strategy
Post-retirement, it’s crucial to have a systematic withdrawal strategy to manage your Rs 50,000 monthly expenses without depleting your corpus prematurely. An SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) in mutual funds can provide a regular income stream while keeping your corpus invested and growing. This strategy can ensure a steady cash flow while your investments continue to appreciate.

Inflation and Tax Considerations
Your retirement plan should factor in inflation and taxes. The Rs 50,000 monthly expense today will increase over time due to inflation. Therefore, your investments should grow at a rate higher than inflation. Additionally, tax-efficient investment strategies can help in maximizing your returns. For instance, long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds are taxed favorably compared to interest income from FDs.

Healthcare and Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can significantly impact your retirement corpus. A comprehensive health insurance policy can safeguard your investments. Additionally, if you hold any investment-cum-insurance policies like LIC or ULIPs, consider surrendering them and reinvesting the proceeds into mutual funds. These policies often offer lower returns and higher costs compared to pure investment options.

Final Insights
Achieving your goal of a Rs 4 crore retirement corpus is ambitious yet achievable with strategic planning and disciplined investing. By diversifying your portfolio into actively managed equity mutual funds, optimizing your NPS allocation, and systematically transferring funds from low-yield FDs, you can enhance your portfolio's growth potential. Regular reviews and professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner can further align your investments with your retirement goals.

Remember, retirement planning is not just about accumulating a corpus but also ensuring a steady, inflation-adjusted income post-retirement. By following a strategic approach and making informed decisions, you can look forward to a comfortable and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7163 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi sir...like to plan for corpus of my retirement... Am at 55 now,, like to retire by age 60. I have a corpus of 5.5 Cr in FD and 3.75 Cr in EPF/PPF. I have an equity exposure of around 4 Cr and doing SIP in MF of around 1.5 L per month. I have an NPS of around 50L. My take home is around 7L and expenses around 1.5L. Balance gets into equity for short term and long term. I have 3 houses ..2 occupied and one on rental. Have jewelry around 30L. I do not have any loan against myself/wife. My wife is an housewife. I am debt free. I have one son in Class XII and need to plan for his higher education for next 6 years doing engineering and MS(Outside India). Pls suggest where to park extra money for growth at rate of 12-15%. I can easily do additional SIP of around 2-3 L in MF. Also please suggest whether SWP will be good option as against FD which is not able to beat inflation.
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Age: 55 years

Retirement age: 60 years

Current corpus: Rs 5.5 crore in FD, Rs 3.75 crore in EPF/PPF

Equity exposure: Rs 4 crore

Monthly SIP in mutual funds: Rs 1.5 lakh

NPS: Rs 50 lakh

Monthly take-home salary: Rs 7 lakh

Monthly expenses: Rs 1.5 lakh

Additional investment potential: Rs 2-3 lakh per month

Assets: Three houses (two occupied, one on rental), jewelry worth Rs 30 lakh

Debt: None

Family: Wife (housewife), one son in Class XII

Planning for Retirement Corpus
Existing Investments and Allocation
FD and EPF/PPF: Safe but lower returns. Need to diversify.

Equity Exposure: High growth potential. Maintain this for long-term growth.

NPS: Good for retirement. Continue contributions.

Recommendations for Additional Investments
Mutual Funds: Continue with equity mutual funds. They offer higher returns.

SIP Increase: Increase SIP to Rs 2-3 lakh per month. This boosts long-term growth.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
SWP vs. FD: SWP in mutual funds can beat inflation. FD returns are lower.

Implementation: Use SWP for regular income post-retirement. Start with a moderate amount.

Planning for Son's Education
Higher Education Fund: Allocate part of equity and mutual funds for this goal.

SIP in Balanced Funds: Consider balanced funds for stability and growth.

Diversifying Investment Portfolio
Equity Mutual Funds
Actively Managed Funds: Choose funds with a good track record.

Disadvantages of Index Funds: Lower growth potential. Actively managed funds are better for your goals.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Management: Managed by experts.

Higher Returns: Potential for better growth compared to direct funds.

Debt Funds
Diversify: Invest some amount in debt funds. They offer stability and moderate returns.
Insurance and Emergency Fund
Life Insurance: Ensure you have adequate coverage.

Health Insurance: Comprehensive coverage for family.

Emergency Fund: Maintain a fund for unforeseen expenses.

Final Insights
Stay Invested: Keep investing in equity for long-term growth.

Increase SIP: This accelerates wealth accumulation.

SWP: Use for regular income post-retirement.

Education Planning: Allocate funds for your son's education early.

Diversify: Balance between equity, debt, and mutual funds.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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Hi, sir I am a an 30 year old (single) engineer working with a MNC in Chennai, unfortunately till this day i haven't had any savings at all for my future (retirement, other short term or long term goals). Currently my take home salary after EPF and parental insurance is 53k ( EPF is about 4900/month - employee+employer) i haven't opted for Corporate NPS but is provided by the company without any additional contribution from company. I have company health insurance policy and have planned to take my own health insurance and term insurance plan. Adding to above I have zero emergency fund with me. How should I proceed with my investments?
Ans: You have taken the first step by recognising the need to plan. It’s essential to appreciate your intention to secure your financial future. Let’s look at how you can proceed to achieve your short-term and long-term goals.

Your current take-home salary is Rs 53,000, and your EPF contribution is Rs 4,900. However, you lack savings, investments, and an emergency fund. Here's a step-by-step strategy:

Build an Emergency Fund
Set aside funds to cover at least six months' expenses.

Start by saving 10-15% of your salary monthly into a high-interest savings account.

Use Recurring Deposits or Liquid Mutual Funds to maintain this fund for emergencies.

Secure Yourself with Insurance
Health insurance: Maintain your company health policy but add a personal health policy. Choose a policy offering a sum insured of Rs 10-15 lakh.

Term insurance: Buy a term plan covering 10-15 times your annual income. Keep the policy simple and avoid investment-linked insurance.

Budget Your Income
Allocate your income carefully for expenses, savings, and investments.

Use the 50-30-20 rule: 50% for needs, 30% for wants, and 20% for savings and investments.

Avoid unnecessary expenses to increase your saving capacity.

Start Investing Gradually
Short-term goals (1-5 years): Invest in debt funds or recurring deposits. Debt mutual funds are good for stable returns.

Long-term goals (5+ years): Invest in equity mutual funds for higher returns. Choose actively managed funds with consistent performance.

Avoid index funds. Actively managed funds have a better potential for higher returns through professional fund management.

Retirement Planning
Utilise the EPF for retirement. Your current contribution will grow over time with compounding.

Consider investing in diversified equity mutual funds for additional retirement savings.

Corporate NPS: You can explore NPS for its tax-saving benefits. However, don’t rely solely on it for retirement.

Tax-Saving Investments
Use Section 80C to save taxes up to Rs 1.5 lakh.

EPF, PPF, ELSS mutual funds, and life insurance premiums can qualify under this section.

Opt for ELSS funds for tax saving and wealth creation.

Review Existing Expenses
Evaluate and minimise unnecessary expenditures.

Avoid loans for discretionary spending like vacations or gadgets.

Advantages of Using a Certified Financial Planner
A CFP can help you plan holistically and ensure you stick to your goals.

They provide tailored strategies, ensuring proper fund allocation and monitoring.

Invest through a Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP credentials to access professional advice.

Key Steps for Discipline
Automate investments through SIPs in mutual funds.

Track your monthly budget and investment progress regularly.

Avoid direct funds. Regular funds offer professional guidance and fund distributor support.

Tax Implications
For equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh attracts 12.5% tax.

STCG on equity funds is taxed at 20%.

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab. Consider these while investing.

Final Insights
You are in the right direction by seeking advice now. Build a solid foundation with savings, insurance, and investments. Take small steps toward financial independence.

Remain consistent with your investments, and review your financial plan annually.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |1940 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

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Career
Hello, i really have a serious issue regarding my studies as i am 24 yrs now and gave NEET 4times and i am still preparing for nxt year 2025 but at the back of my mind i am really tensed what if the same thing repeats in the neet 2025 also like paper leak and all, So now i am confused that should i take a full drop or partial drop. The mental pressure is really hitting hard and also its almost been 4years that i am still 12th pass only and my classmates have already completed their college and some are flight attendant and earning well, So this all things just hits so hard and also the hope in parents eyes as my father is already proud that i studied science so i would definitely become doctor. I wasted a lot of money in pg and coaching (fastrack) and this all things are hitting so hard that i really feel sad and have no ways to go.
Ans: Hi Bhima
I must say you have got perseverance & I appreciate your parent's trust in you. You have already appeared multiple times and you are going to appear again in 2025. By the time you will be 25 years old. They say there is no age to learn. But after getting admission you need another 10 years to practice as a qualified specialist. Make sure you take admission in the next session.

If higher cutoff & high fees of private colleges are an issue for you, then try exploring the MBBS abroad option, I can help with that too. Since NEXT is compulsory for Indian & Foreign graduates too it won't make a difference if you study in India or Abroad.

For time forget all the societal pressure and give your 100% and make your parents proud.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |439 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ravi sir, I am 24 yrs old girl, currently pursuing MBA from a middle class family. I have a 5 yr relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much. Don't want to loose him. Maybe he also love me. But the problem start few days ago when he suddenly confessed me that he visit red light area thrice at the first year of our relationship. From those initial days we are in a serious relationship and family involved in this. But we don't intimate but virtual intimacy was there. But this year in january we for first time got intimate and after 4 time of intimacy he confess me this that he physical one time and two time just visit their to see naked dance but failed due to some reason. Now He told me that he felt it will be cheating if he not told me this now. One side I am depressed and fear to loose him. He repetitively beg pardon from me and told that this was his peer pressure and now he mature enough to say no this.. Now he can't imagine his life without me. I don't want to loose him but can't forgive or forgot this. Now he repeatedly told me to marry him and proposed me romantically. He repeatedly want pardon from me . I love him very much that I want to forget all things and start from first again. But will it be right, if I easily forgive him than is he got much confidence to do this again?? I am depressed and confused. Pls help me . What will be right decision in this situation? Forgive him or not?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how conflicted you must be feeling right now, and I am sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could tell you what would be the right thing to do, but it has to be your decision and yours alone. All I can suggest is to take a beat and not rush into deciding anything.

Take everything into consideration-
On the one hand, infidelity is indeed unacceptable in a relationship. But on the other, it was in the initial stage. He might not have been as serious about the relationship as you during those days. Nevertheless, the timing does not make his action justifiable. I suggest you have an open conversation and ask him why he felt the need to do this. Ask him if he did not consider your feelings. What's concerning is that he did not stop after the first time; he went back twice more. I am not judging his choice of location but the fact that he was in a committed relationship puts him in the wrong. Also, blaming it on peer pressure is inexcusable; this isn't something funny or trivial he did because his friends dared him to. Ask him to take accountability and understand that actions have consequences.

Take it one day at a time. Whatever you decide is okay. And if at any point you want to pick yourself over the relationship, I want you to understand that it is completely alright. You will feel like it's a selfish decision, but it isn't. Remember that. Please do what you need to help you heal from this.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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