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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Mrinal Question by Mrinal on May 25, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 39 male. I have a current corpus as follows. MF 15L, PF 23L, PPF 5L, company share 7L, NPS 8 lakhs (10k per month), 60L stock trading earning 2% per month, loan outstanding 15L, earning 3L per month and adding 50k per month into trading capital. I have a home of 1 crore and one kid . I continue 36k per month MF SIP, 28k per month MF, 40kvhome loan emi. After 7 years all these will accumulate to these numbers PF 75 lkhs Company share 40lakgs MF 80 lakhs EL & gratuity 15 lakhs LIC 35 lakhs I want to retire at 45 and wishing and confident to accumulate 7 crores in total. These are my plans for retirement. 1. Planning to do a MF SWP for 60k per month or 5% per anum from a corpus of 1.5 Cr. Will that 1.5 crore grow and last beating inflation till the rest of my life? 2. I wish to put these amounts in MF .50lakhs for emergency fund, 50lakhs kids education and marriage. 3. Will keep on trading with the remaining 4-5 crores cautiously till I attain 60 years of age. Is there any suggestions on asset allocation, or any other way of putting funds now and after retirement?

Ans: Planning for retirement is a significant financial decision, especially when aiming to retire early. You have a clear vision for your financial future, and your detailed plan shows that you have given it a lot of thought. Let's evaluate your current situation and future plans, and provide suggestions to help you achieve your retirement goals by age 45.

Current Financial Snapshot
You have a diverse portfolio with various investments. Your assets and monthly contributions are:

Mutual Funds: Rs 15 lakhs
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 23 lakhs
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 5 lakhs
Company Shares: Rs 7 lakhs
National Pension System (NPS): Rs 8 lakhs (contributing Rs 10,000 monthly)
Stock Trading: Rs 60 lakhs, earning 2% monthly
Loan Outstanding: Rs 15 lakhs
Monthly Earnings: Rs 3 lakhs
Monthly SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs 36,000
Additional Monthly Mutual Fund Investment: Rs 28,000
Monthly Home Loan EMI: Rs 40,000
Your home is valued at Rs 1 crore, and you have one child.

Future Projections
In seven years, you expect your investments to grow as follows:

PF: Rs 75 lakhs
Company Shares: Rs 40 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 80 lakhs
Employee Provident Fund (EPF) and Gratuity: Rs 15 lakhs
LIC: Rs 35 lakhs
You aim to accumulate a total corpus of Rs 7 crores by the age of 45.

Retirement Income Strategy
You plan to implement a Mutual Fund Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for Rs 60,000 per month or 5% per annum from a corpus of Rs 1.5 crores.

Assessing the SWP Plan
Using a SWP for a steady income is a popular strategy. However, the sustainability of this plan depends on the growth of your corpus and inflation.

Growth and Longevity: If your mutual fund investments grow at a rate higher than your withdrawal rate (5%), your corpus can sustain and even grow over time. However, this requires choosing actively managed funds with a good track record of beating inflation and market returns.

Inflation Impact: Over the years, inflation can erode the purchasing power of your withdrawals. Ensure your investments are in funds that consistently outperform inflation.

Asset Allocation for Safety and Growth
Diversifying your investments is crucial to managing risk and ensuring growth. Let's assess your proposed allocations:

Emergency Fund (Rs 50 lakhs): Having a substantial emergency fund is wise. Ensure this is kept in a highly liquid, low-risk investment, such as a money market fund or a high-interest savings account.

Child’s Education and Marriage (Rs 50 lakhs): Investing this amount in mutual funds for long-term goals is prudent. Consider equity-oriented funds with a history of good performance.

Trading Strategy
Continuing with stock trading cautiously till 60 years of age can be lucrative. However, trading involves significant risk.

Risk Management: Ensure you have a robust risk management strategy. Never risk more than you can afford to lose, and maintain a diversified trading portfolio.

Consistent Earnings: Achieving a consistent 2% monthly return is ambitious. Regularly review and adjust your trading strategies based on market conditions.

Recommendations for Asset Allocation
Diversify Investments: Diversify between equity, debt, and hybrid funds to balance risk and return.

Regular Review: Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to align with market conditions and life changes.

Professional Guidance: Consider periodic consultations with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your strategy remains sound and aligned with your goals.

Conclusion
Your detailed planning and disciplined approach are commendable. With a focus on maintaining diversified investments and managing risks, you are well-positioned to achieve your retirement goals. Your proactive planning for an emergency fund and child’s education ensures financial security for unforeseen events and important milestones.

Final Thoughts
Stay Informed: Keep abreast of market trends and economic changes.
Be Flexible: Be ready to adjust your strategies as needed.
Prioritize Security: Ensure your investments align with your risk tolerance and long-term goals.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am a 35y old single Male. My target is to retire at 50 with a corpus of 25 Crores. Currently, the worth of my portfolio is 1.25 Crore with 75 lakhs in MFs, 25 lakhs in NPS, 10 lakh in PPF, 10 lakh in SGB and about 5 lakhs in Cash and Stocks. My monthly investment is 90k in MFs and annual investment in PPF and SGB is 1.5 lakhs each. I have a 2Bhk house in Pune and my after-tax salary is 2 lakhs/month. My company takes care of my accommodation and my regular monthly expenses are about 50k/month. Do you want to suggest any other plans or am I doing alright keeping my goal in mind? Currently, the MFs are weighted about 50% Small cap, 25% Mid and flexi cap and 25% Large cap.
Ans: Your dedication to financial planning is commendable, especially with a clear retirement goal in mind. Let's delve into your current situation and discuss potential adjustments:

Your current portfolio allocation seems well-diversified, with a significant portion invested in mutual funds, NPS, PPF, SGB, and some cash and stocks. This mix offers a balance of growth and stability.

Your monthly investments and annual contributions to PPF and SGB reflect a disciplined savings approach. It's crucial to maintain this consistency to achieve your retirement target.

Your 2BHK house in Pune is an asset that adds to your net worth and provides security. It's great that your company covers your accommodation expenses, easing your financial burden.

With your after-tax salary and monthly expenses, you have a surplus for investments, which is a positive sign. It's essential to ensure that this surplus is utilized efficiently towards your retirement goal.

Considering your goal of accumulating a corpus of 25 Crores by the age of 50, it might be beneficial to reassess your asset allocation strategy. While your current allocation is diversified, you may want to tilt it slightly towards more conservative options as you approach retirement age.

Given your aggressive investment approach, you might consider gradually shifting towards a more balanced portfolio with a higher allocation to large-cap and balanced funds, which are comparatively less volatile.

Additionally, exploring other investment avenues such as direct equity, debt funds, or alternative investments could further diversify your portfolio and potentially enhance returns.

Regularly reviewing your portfolio's performance and rebalancing it as needed is crucial to stay on track towards your retirement goal.

Overall, you're on the right track with your financial planning efforts. Continue with your disciplined approach, stay informed about market trends, and seek professional advice if needed to optimize your portfolio further.

Keep up the excellent work, and with persistence and smart decision-making, you're well-positioned to achieve your retirement target!

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello, I am Avinash 40 year old IT professional and wishes to retire in next 5-10 years. I do have 38 lakh MF investments, I stay in own house on bangalore. I do not have any liabilities. I have 45 lakh worth EPS and 20 lakh worth PPF. Invested in NPS both tier 1 and 2 for 5 lakh each. I do have SGB worth 6 lakh. But I do have 50 lakh amount invested in FD. I want to invest some amount to invest to other asset class may be equity. I want to retire with corpus of 4 cr and my monthly expenditure in 50k. Pls guide.
Ans: Dear Avinash,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your financial details and retirement goals. It’s impressive that you have planned your finances well and have a clear vision for your future. Let’s analyze your current situation and chart a strategic path towards achieving your retirement corpus of Rs 4 crore, while also ensuring a smooth retirement with monthly expenses of Rs 50,000.

Understanding Your Current Financial Landscape
You have diversified your investments across various asset classes, which is commendable. Let's break down your current financial standing:

Mutual Funds: Rs 38 lakh
EPS: Rs 45 lakh
PPF: Rs 20 lakh
NPS: Rs 10 lakh (5 lakh each in Tier 1 and 2)
Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB): Rs 6 lakh
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs 50 lakh
Your total current investments amount to Rs 169 lakh (1.69 crore). You have no liabilities, which is a strong position to be in.

Evaluating Your Investment Portfolio
Mutual Funds
Your Rs 38 lakh investment in mutual funds is a solid foundation. Given your retirement timeline of 5-10 years, it’s crucial to ensure your mutual funds are aligned with your risk tolerance and retirement goals. Active management of these funds can offer potential benefits over index funds. Actively managed funds, run by experienced fund managers, can adapt to market conditions and potentially outperform benchmarks. This flexibility can be advantageous in achieving higher returns, essential for meeting your retirement target.

EPS and PPF
Your EPS of Rs 45 lakh and PPF of Rs 20 lakh are stable, low-risk investments providing security and tax benefits. However, they may not offer the high returns needed to reach your Rs 4 crore goal. The PPF, with its assured returns and tax benefits, should continue to be part of your portfolio, but relying solely on these for growth could be limiting.

NPS
The NPS is another excellent retirement tool, offering a mix of equity and debt exposure. Given your contributions, it’s vital to ensure that the asset allocation within your NPS is optimal. Typically, the equity portion of NPS can offer higher returns compared to its debt counterpart, but it's essential to balance it according to your risk tolerance.

Sovereign Gold Bonds
Your Rs 6 lakh investment in SGBs is a good hedge against inflation and market volatility. However, gold typically offers moderate returns compared to equities and should be a part of a diversified portfolio rather than a core growth driver.

Fixed Deposits
You have Rs 50 lakh in fixed deposits, which are safe but offer lower returns compared to other investment avenues like equities or actively managed mutual funds. To achieve your retirement goal, it might be beneficial to redirect a portion of these funds into higher-yielding investments.

Strategic Recommendations for Achieving Rs 4 Crore
Diversify into Equity Mutual Funds
Given your Rs 50 lakh in FDs, consider reallocating a significant portion to equity mutual funds. Equity mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, have the potential to provide higher returns over the long term. While FDs offer safety, the low returns may not suffice to reach your Rs 4 crore target. Actively managed equity mutual funds, with professional fund managers, can navigate market complexities better and aim for higher growth.

Optimize Your NPS Allocation
Review and possibly adjust your NPS Tier 1 and Tier 2 allocations to ensure a higher equity component. This can enhance the growth potential of your NPS contributions. Given the tax benefits and long-term growth prospects of NPS, a higher equity allocation can significantly impact your retirement corpus positively.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Periodic review and rebalancing of your portfolio are essential. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. By regularly assessing your portfolio, you can ensure it remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. This proactive approach can help in mitigating risks and capitalizing on growth opportunities.

Consider Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in equity mutual funds can be an excellent way to enter the market gradually, reducing the impact of market volatility. With Rs 50 lakh in FDs, you can systematically transfer a portion into SIPs. This disciplined approach can harness the power of compounding and rupee cost averaging, enhancing your portfolio’s growth potential.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Ensure that a part of your FDs or a separate liquid fund acts as an emergency fund. This fund should cover at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. Having a robust emergency fund ensures that you do not have to dip into your retirement corpus for unexpected expenses, maintaining the integrity of your long-term financial plans.

Addressing Potential Concerns and Misconceptions
Disadvantages of Index Funds
While index funds are often lauded for their low costs and simplicity, they lack the flexibility of actively managed funds. Index funds are designed to match market returns, not exceed them. In a volatile market, actively managed funds have the advantage of making strategic moves to potentially outperform the index. Therefore, in your case, actively managed equity funds might be a better choice to achieve your ambitious retirement goal.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct mutual funds, while having lower expense ratios, require a good understanding of the market and regular monitoring. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide professional expertise and guidance. A CFP can help in selecting the right funds, regular monitoring, and making necessary adjustments based on market conditions and your changing financial goals. The added value of professional advice often outweighs the cost difference between direct and regular funds.

Ensuring a Comfortable Retirement
Monthly Withdrawal Strategy
Post-retirement, it’s crucial to have a systematic withdrawal strategy to manage your Rs 50,000 monthly expenses without depleting your corpus prematurely. An SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) in mutual funds can provide a regular income stream while keeping your corpus invested and growing. This strategy can ensure a steady cash flow while your investments continue to appreciate.

Inflation and Tax Considerations
Your retirement plan should factor in inflation and taxes. The Rs 50,000 monthly expense today will increase over time due to inflation. Therefore, your investments should grow at a rate higher than inflation. Additionally, tax-efficient investment strategies can help in maximizing your returns. For instance, long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds are taxed favorably compared to interest income from FDs.

Healthcare and Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can significantly impact your retirement corpus. A comprehensive health insurance policy can safeguard your investments. Additionally, if you hold any investment-cum-insurance policies like LIC or ULIPs, consider surrendering them and reinvesting the proceeds into mutual funds. These policies often offer lower returns and higher costs compared to pure investment options.

Final Insights
Achieving your goal of a Rs 4 crore retirement corpus is ambitious yet achievable with strategic planning and disciplined investing. By diversifying your portfolio into actively managed equity mutual funds, optimizing your NPS allocation, and systematically transferring funds from low-yield FDs, you can enhance your portfolio's growth potential. Regular reviews and professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner can further align your investments with your retirement goals.

Remember, retirement planning is not just about accumulating a corpus but also ensuring a steady, inflation-adjusted income post-retirement. By following a strategic approach and making informed decisions, you can look forward to a comfortable and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi sir...like to plan for corpus of my retirement... Am at 55 now,, like to retire by age 60. I have a corpus of 5.5 Cr in FD and 3.75 Cr in EPF/PPF. I have an equity exposure of around 4 Cr and doing SIP in MF of around 1.5 L per month. I have an NPS of around 50L. My take home is around 7L and expenses around 1.5L. Balance gets into equity for short term and long term. I have 3 houses ..2 occupied and one on rental. Have jewelry around 30L. I do not have any loan against myself/wife. My wife is an housewife. I am debt free. I have one son in Class XII and need to plan for his higher education for next 6 years doing engineering and MS(Outside India). Pls suggest where to park extra money for growth at rate of 12-15%. I can easily do additional SIP of around 2-3 L in MF. Also please suggest whether SWP will be good option as against FD which is not able to beat inflation.
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Age: 55 years

Retirement age: 60 years

Current corpus: Rs 5.5 crore in FD, Rs 3.75 crore in EPF/PPF

Equity exposure: Rs 4 crore

Monthly SIP in mutual funds: Rs 1.5 lakh

NPS: Rs 50 lakh

Monthly take-home salary: Rs 7 lakh

Monthly expenses: Rs 1.5 lakh

Additional investment potential: Rs 2-3 lakh per month

Assets: Three houses (two occupied, one on rental), jewelry worth Rs 30 lakh

Debt: None

Family: Wife (housewife), one son in Class XII

Planning for Retirement Corpus
Existing Investments and Allocation
FD and EPF/PPF: Safe but lower returns. Need to diversify.

Equity Exposure: High growth potential. Maintain this for long-term growth.

NPS: Good for retirement. Continue contributions.

Recommendations for Additional Investments
Mutual Funds: Continue with equity mutual funds. They offer higher returns.

SIP Increase: Increase SIP to Rs 2-3 lakh per month. This boosts long-term growth.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
SWP vs. FD: SWP in mutual funds can beat inflation. FD returns are lower.

Implementation: Use SWP for regular income post-retirement. Start with a moderate amount.

Planning for Son's Education
Higher Education Fund: Allocate part of equity and mutual funds for this goal.

SIP in Balanced Funds: Consider balanced funds for stability and growth.

Diversifying Investment Portfolio
Equity Mutual Funds
Actively Managed Funds: Choose funds with a good track record.

Disadvantages of Index Funds: Lower growth potential. Actively managed funds are better for your goals.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Management: Managed by experts.

Higher Returns: Potential for better growth compared to direct funds.

Debt Funds
Diversify: Invest some amount in debt funds. They offer stability and moderate returns.
Insurance and Emergency Fund
Life Insurance: Ensure you have adequate coverage.

Health Insurance: Comprehensive coverage for family.

Emergency Fund: Maintain a fund for unforeseen expenses.

Final Insights
Stay Invested: Keep investing in equity for long-term growth.

Increase SIP: This accelerates wealth accumulation.

SWP: Use for regular income post-retirement.

Education Planning: Allocate funds for your son's education early.

Diversify: Balance between equity, debt, and mutual funds.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

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Hi, I am not yet mairred. I used to like a man and after a month we decided to get married. He was of my caste so I thought my parents won't deny this mairrage. I used to talk to and wanted to let him know everything about my past so that we can built a strong root of our relationship. I spoke every detail of my past life to him. Then before he proposed me for mairrage I went for a vacation with my male friend to dehradun. I didn't tell him that day as he didn't proposed me till that day then why would I tell everything about me to anyone. He was noone to me at that time. After that he came to visit me in Delhi and on the same when he was on train a friend of mine along with his fiance came to meet me after a very long time. I asked him and he didn't denied. After returning home he blocked me. I cried and cried, called multiple times but he didn't received my call. Even I went to his location and waited for almost 3 hr but he didn't came. Then I asked my sister to call him. Then he talked to me but he said me so much of harsh and vulgar words that I went in shock. I cried a lot but he went on humiliating me. But somehow I convinced him to stay with me. I never talked to that friend ever. Then I told my parents about him that I want to get married with this men. Being a girl's father my father enquired about him by being annonymous. And trust me noone has said anything good about him. Later on we get to know that his father has a murder case on him of his brother in law. But then I wanted to get married. Finally my parents agreed only for my happines. Meanwhile I was never being respected by him. He always doubt me, humiliate me, abuse me mentally and physically, and when I was like I don't want to be with you he used to say sorry and begged me to be with him. He even used to restrict to visit my uncle aunty. His mother wants used to defend him and never used to make him realise that he was wrong. Then before engagement we went to Kolkata to buy dress. Yes one more thing I have informed him on the very first day that I used to drink and smoke occassionally. So whenever he used to visit me he always wanted to drink with me whether I want it or not. He always used to abuse me and humiliate me in front of everyone after drinking, so after a period of time I used to avoid drinking. Then he used to fight with me for that also that why will you not drink. In kolkata the same thing happen. We stayed there for 3 days and he was convincing to go to club from the very first day but I refused. On 3rd he hit me. After engagement his family asked for dowry. After a lot of dealing my parents agreed for an amount. But I felt betrayed. I stopped talking. After after when I initiated the conversation he picked up a fight and said he won't marry. I tried to convince. But when everyone was blaming me then I broke my silence and said everything about him to my parent. But he manipulated everything and made me villain. My parents want me to get married What should I do
Ans: Dear Akriti,
After reading your question I can only give you one advice, please do not marry him no matter what people say. Even if we overlook every other red flag that he has exhibited, abuse of any form is unacceptable. Why are you trying to convince your parents to marry a guy who hits you? Do you think you deserve it or anyone, for that matter, deserves that?

Now, no matter who tries to manipulate you, or however much they try to convince you, get out of the relationship for the love and self-respect you have for yourself. It is a big decision but in your case, it is worth making that big decision. I'd normally never tell people they should this or they shouldn't do that, but in your case, no sane person would ever suggest you marry this man and be subjected to abuse for the rest of your life.
Please make the right choice.

Best Wishes

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Ravi Mittal  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am dating a person for 5years when we are doing internship. He is always there whenever I need any support and help in my bad time. He will protect me and loves me a lot. It is my first dating experience initially when we start dating we have intense attachment but I thought we would not be remain together for much longer time. I was always interested in good looking handsome man he is not that fair and handsome. Also he is from different caste and region(he is Bihari and I am from Uttarakhand) and in his family he has mom and sister(they are finding a match for her).I don’t know if I should marry him or not. Because I am not comfortable with his family(his mother is somewhat very concerned about his son not captured by any girl). So I think it will be a struggle for him to convince her. But my question is it is worth to go for love marriage if the boy loves you a lot but still I think there is gap with the criteria of being handsome which I dream as a young girl story even our bonds are getting stronger Please suggest what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Appearance does not last a lifetime. Are you sure it is that important for you? After all, you fell in love with a man whose appearance isn't his best quality. Makes me wonder if you are just giving into the societal construct of wanting to marry for good looks.

Next, if you are concerned about your future in his house, it is best not to rush anything in terms of getting married. Think about it; have a clear discussion with him about the kind of future he can offer you. Love isn't the only thread that holds onto a relationship.

I cannot tell you if you should pursue this relationship, but I can tell you that you shouldn't break up with someone because they are not fair or handsome by your standards.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I’m a 26 yr old woman, was in a relationship with my classmate from school a year ago. We dated for a few months and then talked to my parents about us as they had started looking for matches for me in arranged marriage . Once I told them about us they got very emotional and didn’t agree for our marriage as we are from different caste. So we decided to breakup and just stay as friends but we are not able to move on from each other ..it’s been 6 months now, my parents have started looking for alliances for me again now but I’m not getting any interest in these because I’m not able to forget him. But I’m also scared to take a strong decision to hurt my parents and get married to him because I’m a very sensitive person and sometimes he behaves manipulative with some people and I’m scared he’ll do that with me also if any fights happen with him or his family. But I’m not able to forget him. Please tell me what to do as I have lost peace and crying every night.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sounds like you are torn between your feelings for him and love and respect for your parents. Firstly, acknowledge that you are allowed to feel confused. Next, understand that you deserve a relationship where you feel happy and safe. Will this relationship give you that? Take some time to evaluate whether staying with him will align with your goal of long-term happiness. You have mentioned manipulation; consider that too when gauging the potential of this relationship.

Coming to your parents, you can try gently communicating your unwillingness to get married to someone else right now. That does not automatically translate to your desire to marry this guy. It can also mean that you need some time to figure things out. Ultimately, you need to make a decision that makes you happy- whether it means working things out with him or taking a separate path. I am sure you will make the right choice.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1201 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i am a 52 year ols women i have never had a secure relationship only who wanted to have s.Marriage in proposals too dint work for me. At late 40 age i met a guy it was all good till start 1 year but since 3 years we just fight my fault to as i have no family no friends and all i have to look after 2 aged parents and i am deep involved my life is just that. This relationship is good to talk on phone as all i do is talk my problems 24 by 7 365 days which i understands upsets him. But i see no effort too from him for meeting planning dates and if i do i pay for it all he never pays . I lost interest felt disappointed after going on saying he never tries to make plans talk future his family finance. I am not sure what i should do stay or live my life alone which i was always doing.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Start fresh and if you had a clean slate, what would you want to draw on it?
All your miseries or what you actually want from life?
When you meet someone new and you dump your set of issues on them, how exactly do you think they are going to be interested in taking you out on a date?
Your prospective life partner is not a dumping yard for your life's problems BUT a person that is going to marry you and support you and who you can trust. And will you start this relationship by actually talking only about your problems? Honestly, you need to ask yourself if you will be interested in a guy who keeps ranting about all things going wrong...
Establish a connection by being on a positive ground and showing the other person that you care and also are interested in knowing about them. This interest will let them lower their guard down and actually connect with you at an emotional level and then you can pursue this as a potential life partner association...somewhere down the line, they will be genuinely interested in being a part of your challenges and that's when you make them your strength to solve these challenges. Am I making sense to you?
Do you see how you have been sabotaging your own future? Dust yourself, become genuinely interested in people not to dump your problems on them but to make a genuine connection and watch how things change for you. Prioritize your life not your problems!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1201 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Relationship
Hi, I am a 36yo guy. Married and have 2 beautiful kids. I am a naturally happy person in life and have achieved reasonable success through my hard work. From last 3 years i am in love with a married girl who works at an office near my workplace. We two believe that we are best suited for each other in every aspect i.e. mental, emotional and physical. We share a great chemistry that we never felt with our respective spouses. We decided that we both cant leave our spouses because of our kids. But very often she keeps on getting crazy and tortures and taunts me that i love my wife more and doesnt give value to her. She is mostly unhappy about this in her life and many times abuses me when she sees that i am a naturally happy and content person. I have even told her that if she wants we can take divorce from our spouses and move-in together. But she never accepts that also and keeps on making my life hard. But i do believe that we both love each other like crazy and my sexual life with her is just out of this world. I have a very high libido and she satisfies me like no other girl. My question is how can i make her sane and make her trust me that i am more inclined towards her?
Ans: Dear Avinash,
I am sure by now you realize that having parallel lives is not easy. Maybe you are at that stage where a decision must be made...
You owe at least that much to your respective spouses who have nothing to do this life of yours...

The lady in question wants the cake and wants to eat it too...obviously she needs to see that if she wants her marriage, then you are going to keep your marriage as well and with that all the insecurities that arise must also be accepted as this is something that the two of you got into willingly...did she not know that a relationship outside of marriage comes with its set of challenges like insecurities, doubts, fears, instability and more? I guess it's not about you making her sane and trust you BUT for the two fo you to come to some sort of a decision on where all this is leading?

Again, I say this...leading two lives in parallel ain't easy; especially on an emotional level!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1201 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, I have been reading since long the advices you give to others expecting that there can be an identical issue which i am suffering, i am 48yrs and my wife 42yrs married for 22yrs & having grown up children, over period of time my wife has become more dominating expecting me to listen and follow everything what she says, everything was going fine for until last six years when she was following me as a dutiful wife, since last 6-7yrs she is disinterested in sex also, i sit and speak with her trying to address all the issues, but things get back to ZERO within days, she has turned very short tempered and egoistic, shouting and using foul language in rage at times, we both are highly educated and give lectures at college with limited reasonable income, the problem is she compares her life to others and disturbs our life, ours is a marriage against parents so both the side relatives are little indifferent and we are not extroverts or that persons who are outgoing to change all that, we just lead our life within ourselves and try to help the relatives whenever they come to us. My question is that is it not cruel for a wife to deprive the husband of sex and develop unreasonable expectations comparing the lifestyles of others. when at peace my wife suggests that i can look outside for sex and she is ok with it but i don't believe in it and in her words, at times in rage she keeps asking for divorce uttering foul language, i keep reminding her that emotions, anger and rage shall only aggravate the issues we should know what we actually want and seek it speaking to each other, i feel that my wife doesn't know what she wants from herself or from me or from life, Anu, Is this all that pre-menopause frustrations which is building up or is it some mental issues which are surfacing due to negligence from me or our relatives? Please suggest? Thank you
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's understand it in 3 ways..

1) Whether your wife is in pre-menopause or perimenopause or menopause stage can be determined only by a doctor. A lot of material floats on the internet convincing people of one over the other BUT it's important to get it validated by a doctor that will help your wife understand what is going on with her body and how it impacts her mind...

2) It is also possible that the current sex routine maybe boring to her and infusing it with some spice can get things going? So, think out of the box here...

3) Also, you might want to think if the emotional bond between the two of you has broken down; women respond to sex easier when they feel emotionally connected and safe with their man...

What will be useful in your situation is: to reconnect with her and aim to connect with her emotionally. This will help her in conveying to you what might be the problem and then it gets easier to solve it or take necessary steps...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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