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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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I am 35 year old working in psb. Currently have 22 lakh in stock 15 lakh in fd 18 lakh mutual fund. i want to get retired may be do some part time work after that. i have one boy 5 yr old. i belong to a village and my expense will be around 20000 per month at persent. i have 50 lakh term plan premium annually. i have 1 car which will work without any issue for further 5-7 year. i want to live a simple life. please advise

Ans: Your savings and investments show great financial discipline. Balancing stocks, fixed deposits, and mutual funds is a wise approach. Your term plan offers valuable security for your family.

Assessing Current Financial Status
You have ?22 lakh in stocks, ?15 lakh in fixed deposits, and ?18 lakh in mutual funds. This diversified portfolio is beneficial for balancing risk and returns. Your monthly expenses of ?20,000 are manageable, considering your simple lifestyle.

Planning for Retirement
To retire comfortably, focus on sustaining and growing your investments. Aim for a mix of growth and income-generating assets. Considering part-time work post-retirement can supplement your income and keep you engaged.

Managing Stock Investments
Stocks offer high returns but come with higher risk. Regularly review your stock portfolio. Diversify across different sectors to reduce risk. Avoid over-reliance on a single stock or sector.

Enhancing Mutual Fund Investments
Mutual funds provide diversification and professional management. Actively managed funds can adapt to market conditions better than index funds. Consider increasing your SIPs in well-performing funds for long-term growth.

Fixed Deposits and Safety
Fixed deposits offer stability but lower returns. Keep them for short-term goals or as an emergency fund. Consider reinvesting matured FDs into higher-yield investments if you are comfortable with moderate risk.

Ensuring Adequate Insurance
Your ?50 lakh term plan is crucial for your family's security. Ensure the sum assured covers your family's future needs, including your son's education and living expenses.

Children's Education Planning
Start a dedicated fund for your son's education. Consider child-specific mutual funds or balanced funds for long-term growth. Regularly review and adjust the contributions as needed.

Emergency Fund Maintenance
Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This can be in a savings account or liquid mutual fund for easy access. It provides a safety net for unexpected expenses.

Health Insurance Importance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance for your family. Health expenses can erode savings quickly. A comprehensive health policy is essential to protect your financial stability.

Retirement Corpus Estimation
Estimate the corpus needed for retirement considering inflation. Factor in your monthly expenses and any additional costs. A Certified Financial Planner can help calculate an accurate retirement corpus.

Exploring Part-Time Work
Part-time work post-retirement can provide additional income and keep you active. Choose work that aligns with your interests and skills. This can also offer a sense of purpose and engagement.

Regular Financial Reviews
Review your financial plan regularly. Markets and personal circumstances change, requiring adjustments. Regular reviews ensure your investments stay aligned with your goals.

Final Thoughts
Your current financial status is strong, with diversified investments and a manageable lifestyle. Focus on growing your retirement corpus and maintaining adequate insurance. Consider part-time work post-retirement for additional income. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan to stay on track. Your disciplined approach and thoughtful planning will ensure a comfortable and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2024

Money
Good evening sir Ashok here I am 48 with two kids one 15 yrs and other 1.5 yrs. Doing business but I would like to retire. I have fd of 4.3 cr which quaternary pay out and I invested in form of fd in my account and 4 sisters of around 4 cr in which I'm the joint account holder and all the account are handled by be mutual fund around 50 lk Shares around 1cr in different account Real estate investment around 5cr which is fetching 80 k rent per month loan of around 50k.good running business but still I am some were not satisfied in life please suggest I
Ans: Hello Ashok,

I understand you’re feeling some dissatisfaction despite your successful business and sound investments. Let's assess your financial situation and develop a strategy to secure a fulfilling and comfortable retirement. I'll guide you step-by-step, considering all aspects of your financial portfolio.

Current Financial Landscape
You have various investments and assets that provide a strong financial foundation. Here's a summary:

Fixed Deposits: Rs 4.3 crore in your name, with quarterly payouts.
Joint Fixed Deposits: Rs 4 crore with your sisters.
Mutual Funds: Rs 50 lakh.
Shares: Rs 1 crore.
Real Estate: Rs 5 crore, generating Rs 80,000 in monthly rent.
Loan: Rs 50,000.
Assessing Financial Goals
First, let’s identify your key financial goals and priorities:

Retirement Security: Ensure a steady income stream.
Children’s Future: Secure funds for education and other needs.
Health and Lifestyle: Maintain a good quality of life.
Financial Freedom: Free from business stress and active management.

You’ve done an excellent job building a diversified portfolio. Your investments in real estate, shares, mutual funds, and fixed deposits are commendable. Managing such a broad spectrum of assets shows your financial acumen and dedication.


I understand your desire to retire and the dissatisfaction you might be feeling. It’s normal to seek more peace and fulfillment, especially after years of hard work. Let’s work towards creating a plan that not only secures your financial future but also brings you peace of mind and satisfaction.

Income Streams and Retirement Planning
Your current income streams include:

Fixed Deposits: Regular interest payouts.
Real Estate: Rental income.
Business: Profits from your business.
To ensure a steady and reliable income during retirement, consider these steps:

1. Optimize Fixed Deposits
Reevaluate the interest rates on your fixed deposits. Ensure you’re getting the best possible rates. Since interest rates can vary, consider reinvesting in higher-yield fixed deposits when possible.

2. Mutual Fund Investments
With Rs 50 lakh in mutual funds, it’s crucial to review your portfolio. Actively managed funds often outperform index funds due to professional management. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you optimize your mutual fund investments.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:

Professional management and expertise.
Potential for higher returns.
Better risk management.
3. Shares and Equity Investments
Your Rs 1 crore in shares should be regularly reviewed and rebalanced. Consider consulting a CFP for insights into which stocks to hold, sell, or buy. Diversifying across different sectors can mitigate risks and enhance returns.

4. Rental Income from Real Estate
Your real estate investments provide a steady rental income of Rs 80,000 per month. Ensure you have a robust property management plan in place to maintain this income stream. Regularly review rental agreements and property maintenance to avoid any disruptions in income.

Debt Management
You have a loan of Rs 50,000, which is relatively small. Ensure timely repayments to maintain a good credit score. Avoid taking on additional debt as you approach retirement to keep financial stress at bay.

Children's Future Planning
With two children, aged 15 and 1.5 years, securing their future is paramount. Here’s how you can plan for their education and other needs:

1. Education Fund
Start by estimating the future costs of education for both children. Consider inflation and rising education costs. Investing in dedicated education savings plans or mutual funds can help you accumulate the necessary corpus over time.

2. Insurance and Protection
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage. This will safeguard your family’s financial future in case of unforeseen circumstances. Review your existing policies and make necessary adjustments.

Health and Lifestyle Considerations
A good quality of life during retirement is essential. Consider the following aspects:

1. Health Insurance
Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can be a significant burden during retirement. A good health insurance policy will cover major medical expenses, reducing financial stress.

2. Lifestyle Planning
Think about how you want to spend your retirement years. Whether it's traveling, hobbies, or spending time with family, plan your finances to support these activities. Having a clear vision of your desired lifestyle will help you allocate funds appropriately.

Financial Freedom and Peace of Mind
Transitioning from an active business life to retirement requires careful planning. Here are some steps to achieve financial freedom and peace of mind:

1. Succession Planning
If your business is doing well, consider succession planning. This involves identifying and preparing a successor to take over the business. You can gradually reduce your involvement while ensuring the business continues to thrive.

2. Passive Income Streams
Focus on building passive income streams that require minimal active management. Your rental income and fixed deposit interest are good examples. Explore other avenues like dividends from shares or interest from bonds.

Final Insights
Retirement planning is a multi-faceted process that requires careful consideration of various aspects of your financial life. Here’s a summary of key points to ensure a fulfilling and secure retirement:

Review and Optimize Investments: Regularly review your portfolio with a CFP to ensure it aligns with your goals.
Ensure Steady Income: Focus on building and maintaining passive income streams.
Plan for Children’s Future: Secure their education and other needs through dedicated investments.
Manage Health and Lifestyle: Ensure adequate insurance coverage and plan for a desired lifestyle.
Achieve Financial Freedom: Gradually transition out of active business life through succession planning and building passive income.
By following these steps, you can create a comprehensive retirement plan that not only secures your financial future but also brings you peace of mind and satisfaction. Remember, retirement is not just about financial security but also about enjoying the fruits of your hard work.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

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Hi, I am 48 year old male working in a IT firm. I earn 1.3 L per month and my monthly expense is 70k per month. I have EPF of 45L, Nps of 22L, shares of 50L, fd of 80L. I also have additional residential property of about 40L. I have no loans. I would like to retire early in a year or two and would like to spend rest of life without any financial issue. Kindly advice.
Ans: Evaluating Your Financial Position

You earn Rs 1.3 lakh per month and have monthly expenses of Rs 70,000. Your current investments include:

EPF: Rs 45 lakh
NPS: Rs 22 lakh
Shares: Rs 50 lakh
FD: Rs 80 lakh
Residential Property: Rs 40 lakh
You plan to retire early in a year or two and want a secure financial future.

Monthly Expenses and Inflation

Your current monthly expenses are Rs 70,000. Considering inflation, this amount will increase over time. Plan for increasing expenses to ensure a comfortable lifestyle.

Evaluating Retirement Corpus

Your retirement corpus should be able to cover your expenses for the rest of your life. Let's analyze how your current investments can support you.

EPF and NPS

EPF and NPS are excellent for retirement as they provide regular income and tax benefits. However, their liquidity is limited until retirement age.

EPF: Consider keeping this until you reach the official retirement age for a stable income.
NPS: Provides regular annuity post-retirement. Continue investing till you retire.
Shares and FD

Your shares and FD can provide a mix of growth and stability.

Shares: These can offer good returns but are subject to market risks. Plan a strategy to withdraw gradually to mitigate risks.
FD: Provides stable returns. Consider laddering your FDs to have a continuous income stream.
Residential Property

You can either rent out or sell your additional property. Renting can provide a steady income, while selling can add to your corpus.

Building a Retirement Corpus

Calculate the amount needed for your retirement corpus to sustain your lifestyle.

Current Monthly Expenses: Rs 70,000
Annual Expenses: Rs 8.4 lakh (70,000 x 12)
Assuming you need this for the next 30 years, considering inflation and other factors, your corpus should be substantial.

Investing Post-Retirement

Once you retire, the goal is to ensure that your corpus generates a steady income.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Invest in mutual funds and set up an SWP to get regular monthly income.
Balanced Funds: Invest in balanced funds for a mix of equity and debt.
Debt Funds: Provide stability and can be used for short-term goals.
Emergency Fund

Keep an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This should be easily accessible, like in a savings account or liquid funds.

Health Insurance

Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can be a significant burden, so having a robust plan is crucial.

Regular Review

Regularly review and adjust your investments to match your needs and market conditions. A Certified Financial Planner can help you with this.

Final Insights

To retire comfortably, ensure a mix of growth and stability in your investments. Maintain liquidity for emergencies and healthcare. Plan for inflation and increasing expenses. Regularly review your investments to stay aligned with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 38 yeras old,leaving in bhubaneswar with monyhly rent of 7000, i have 2 kids,1 is in UKG and small 1 is 6 month old. I have 30 lakhs in PPF, 30 lakhs in FD,monthly SIP 25000, and i have done helath insurance of 5 lakhs for my family,term insurance 50 lakhs, LIC and PLI premium paid 20 lakhs, Plz guide me, i want to retire at the age of 50, My monthly income is 70000 Plz guide me
Ans: I’m glad you reached out for advice. Let's break down your situation and explore the best strategies for achieving your goal of retiring at 50.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
You have a strong foundation to build on. Here’s a summary:

Monthly income: Rs 70,000
Monthly rent: Rs 7,000
Monthly SIP: Rs 25,000
PPF: Rs 30 lakhs
FD: Rs 30 lakhs
Health insurance: Rs 5 lakhs
Term insurance: Rs 50 lakhs
LIC and PLI premium paid: Rs 20 lakhs
2 kids (one in UKG, one 6 months old)
You’re managing well and investing actively, which is commendable.

Evaluating Your Investments
Your investments are diversified across different instruments. Let’s evaluate each one:

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits. However, the returns are relatively low compared to other investment options. It's a good foundation but should be complemented with other high-return investments.

Fixed Deposits (FD)
FDs are low-risk but offer limited growth. They are excellent for safety but not ideal for wealth creation. It's crucial to diversify beyond FDs for higher returns.

Mutual Funds
Your monthly SIP of Rs 25,000 in mutual funds is a great step. Mutual funds offer potential for high returns through various categories:

Equity Funds: These funds invest in stocks and have high growth potential but come with higher risk.
Debt Funds: These invest in bonds and are safer but with moderate returns.
Balanced Funds: A mix of equity and debt, offering balanced risk and return.
Health and Term Insurance
Your health insurance cover of Rs 5 lakhs for the family is essential. Term insurance of Rs 50 lakhs ensures financial security for your family in case of an unfortunate event.

Recommended Strategies for Retirement at 50
Achieving retirement at 50 requires a focused and strategic approach. Here’s a comprehensive plan:

Increase SIP Investments
Consider increasing your SIP amount gradually. Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have the potential for significant growth due to the power of compounding.

Review and Realign Insurance Policies
If you hold LIC or PLI policies, evaluate their returns. Insurance-cum-investment plans often offer lower returns compared to pure investment plans. Surrender low-yield policies and reinvest the amount into mutual funds.

Diversify Your Portfolio
Diversification is crucial for balancing risk and return. Here are some categories to consider:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies. These are less volatile and offer stable returns.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Invest in growing companies. These can offer higher returns but come with higher risk.
International Funds: Exposure to global markets can provide growth opportunities and diversification.
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This can be in a liquid fund or savings account for easy access.

Power of Compounding
The power of compounding works best with time and consistent investments. Starting early and staying invested in mutual funds can significantly grow your wealth.

Long-Term Growth
Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term growth. Despite market volatility, historical data shows that long-term equity investments can offer substantial returns.

Risk Management
Balancing risk is key. Your current portfolio has a good mix of safe and growth-oriented investments. As you approach retirement, gradually shift towards safer investments to preserve capital.

Regular Portfolio Review
Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio ensures alignment with your financial goals. A Certified Financial Planner can help in making informed decisions.

Kids' Education and Future Needs
Plan for your kids' education and future expenses. Consider investing in child-specific plans or education funds that grow with your child’s needs.

Focused Education Planning
Start an education SIP specifically for your kids. Education costs are rising, and early planning can ease future financial burdens.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Determine the retirement corpus required to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement. Factor in inflation, healthcare costs, and other expenses.

Assessing Monthly Needs
Calculate your monthly expenses post-retirement, aiming for a corpus that supports these expenses without depleting your savings too quickly.

Health Insurance Enhancement
Consider enhancing your health insurance cover as medical costs are rising. A top-up policy can provide additional coverage without a high premium.

Comprehensive Coverage
Review your health insurance to ensure it covers all critical aspects, including hospitalisation, surgeries, and chronic illnesses.

Importance of Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Estate planning provides peace of mind and security for your family.

Legal Assistance
Consult a legal expert to draft a will and manage your estate planning effectively. This ensures your wealth is passed on smoothly.

Tax Efficiency
Invest in tax-efficient instruments to maximise returns. Utilise all available deductions and exemptions to reduce taxable income.

Tax-Saving Investments
Explore options like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) for tax benefits under Section 80C while gaining equity exposure.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid common investment mistakes like chasing high returns without assessing risk, ignoring inflation, and not reviewing your portfolio regularly.

Long-Term Perspective
Maintain a long-term perspective with your investments. Short-term market fluctuations should not deter your investment strategy.

Role of Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalised advice, considering your unique financial situation and goals. They help in creating a holistic financial plan.

Expert Guidance
Seek expert guidance to navigate complex financial decisions. A CFP ensures your investments align with your retirement goals.

Final Insights
You have a solid financial foundation. By enhancing your investments, managing risks, and planning meticulously, you can achieve your goal of retiring at 50.

Stay focused, review your investments regularly, and make informed decisions. Financial discipline and a strategic approach will lead you to a comfortable and secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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