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35-Year-Old Man Asks: When Can I Retire with 5 Crore Corpus?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
Money

I am a 35 year old guys, I invest around 30K in SIP monthly with proper knowledge and diversification in different types of Equity MF. However this remains my only savings as my CTC is very low. I do have the window to step up 2-3K in SIP every year depending on my salary increment. My portfolio is having an amount of 30L currently. I want to retire with 5Cr as corpus. Can you let me know by what age can I retire and best way to accelerate?

Ans: You are currently 35 years old, investing Rs 30,000 monthly in a diversified portfolio of equity mutual funds. Your total portfolio value is Rs 30 lakh. You plan to increase your SIP contribution by Rs 2,000 to Rs 3,000 annually as your salary increases. Your goal is to retire with a corpus of Rs 5 crore.

I appreciate your consistent investment approach and your dedication to building a significant retirement corpus. With a systematic plan, you can achieve your target sooner than you might expect. Let's explore some strategies to help you reach your goal efficiently.

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Assessing Your Retirement Goal

Your target retirement corpus of Rs 5 crore is substantial. Given your disciplined approach, it's achievable. However, a few key strategies can help you accelerate the process.

The retirement corpus should be sufficient to sustain you through your golden years. It should account for inflation, healthcare costs, and lifestyle needs. At an average inflation rate of 6%, expenses can double every 12 years. So, building a larger corpus than initially planned can add a safety cushion.

At your current investment pace, it may take a while to reach Rs 5 crore. Let's see how you can speed up the process while managing your risks.

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Boosting Your Monthly SIP Contributions Gradually

You have the flexibility to increase your SIP by Rs 2,000 to Rs 3,000 annually. This is an excellent strategy, as it leverages the power of compounding.

Consider increasing your SIP contributions every year by a slightly higher amount. Even an additional Rs 1,000 per month can make a significant difference over the long term. If your salary allows, aim for an annual increase of Rs 5,000.

Automating the step-up in SIPs ensures that you stay on track without manually adjusting each year. This approach will enhance your portfolio growth and help you achieve your Rs 5 crore target earlier.

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Why Actively Managed Equity Funds Are Ideal

It's great that you're investing in diversified equity mutual funds. Actively managed funds offer better potential returns than index funds. Fund managers actively select stocks to outperform the benchmark.

Unlike index funds that simply mimic a market index, actively managed funds can react to changing market conditions. This agility can help generate higher returns, especially during market fluctuations.

Actively managed funds are particularly beneficial in emerging markets like India, where inefficiencies can be capitalized upon by skilled fund managers. They aim to deliver alpha, or returns above the index.

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Avoiding the Pitfalls of Direct Funds

While direct funds seem to offer a cost advantage, they may not be ideal for all investors. Direct plans lack the guidance and expertise provided by certified financial planners (CFP).

By investing through regular plans with the help of a certified mutual fund distributor (MFD) and CFP, you gain access to personalized advice. This includes portfolio reviews, rebalancing, and strategic changes based on market conditions.

Investing through an experienced CFP helps in optimizing your investments. It also ensures you are not emotionally swayed by market noise and short-term volatility.

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Optimizing Tax Efficiency on Mutual Fund Investments

As per the latest tax rules, the long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

To reduce tax liabilities, consider staggering your withdrawals over multiple financial years. This can help you stay below the LTCG exemption threshold of Rs 1.25 lakh annually.

Additionally, avoid redeeming funds too frequently. Holding investments for the long term not only benefits from compounding but also from a lower tax rate on LTCG.

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Exploring the Power of Systematic Transfer Plans (STP)

An STP is an efficient way to move funds from a debt mutual fund to an equity mutual fund. This strategy helps in averaging the cost of units and managing volatility.

You can park any lump sum bonus or extra income in a debt fund initially. Then, use an STP to transfer a fixed amount into equity funds monthly. This optimizes returns and minimizes the impact of market fluctuations.

STPs are especially useful during market downturns, allowing you to gradually invest in equities when prices are lower.

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Emergency Fund and Insurance Coverage

Before increasing your SIP contributions, ensure you have an adequate emergency fund. Ideally, keep at least 6 to 9 months of expenses in a liquid fund or fixed deposit.

Review your insurance coverage. If you do not have a term insurance plan, consider getting one. Ensure your health insurance is sufficient to cover medical emergencies, which can deplete your savings if not planned for.

Avoid mixing insurance and investments. Focus on term insurance for coverage and mutual funds for wealth creation.

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Diversification Beyond Equities Without Real Estate

While equity mutual funds are your primary investment, consider diversifying into debt mutual funds for stability. Debt funds offer better tax efficiency compared to fixed deposits, especially for investors in higher tax brackets.

Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) can also be a good addition for diversification. They provide an annual interest and the potential for capital appreciation, with no tax on capital gains if held till maturity.

However, refrain from investing in real estate as it requires significant capital and lacks liquidity. Instead, focus on a diversified portfolio of mutual funds to meet your retirement goal.

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Evaluating Your Existing Portfolio Regularly

Periodic portfolio reviews are crucial to ensure you are on track to meet your Rs 5 crore target. At least once a year, evaluate the performance of your funds with the help of a certified financial planner.

Ensure your portfolio remains diversified across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Each category performs differently based on market cycles.

Rebalancing your portfolio can help lock in profits from high-performing funds and reinvest in underperforming but promising segments.

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Additional Strategies to Accelerate Your Journey

Look for ways to increase your income, such as upskilling or side projects. The extra income can be directed towards increasing your SIPs.

If your salary increments are higher than expected, allocate a larger portion of the increase to your SIPs. This will significantly reduce the time needed to reach your Rs 5 crore goal.

Consider investing lump sums, such as annual bonuses, into equity mutual funds or STPs. Lump sum investments, when timed well, can accelerate your portfolio growth.

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Final Insights

You are already on the right track with your disciplined SIP approach. Consistent investing, even with small step-ups, will yield impressive results.

Focus on a balanced approach: increasing SIPs, diversifying within mutual funds, and maintaining an emergency fund.

The key to reaching your Rs 5 crore retirement goal is consistency, disciplined savings, and leveraging the power of compounding. Keep reviewing and optimizing your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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I am 31, investing approx 80k per month in SIP, with a current corpus of 50L. I also have 1.2Cr in foreign stocks which have been performing really well, 10L in Indian stock market and another 15L in PPF and NPS. I want to retire by the time I'm 45 with an expected earning of 1L per month. Any suggestions or ideas?
Ans: It's impressive to see your proactive approach to financial planning at 31! With a diversified investment portfolio and a clear retirement goal, you're on the right track to achieve financial independence by the age of 45. Here are some suggestions to help you reach your retirement target:

Assess Retirement Needs: Start by estimating your retirement expenses to determine how much you'll need to generate 1L per month in passive income. Consider factors such as inflation, healthcare costs, and lifestyle preferences.

Review Investment Portfolio: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your retirement goals and risk tolerance. Consider rebalancing if necessary to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Maximize Contributions: Continue maximizing your SIP contributions to build wealth over time. Consider increasing your monthly SIP amounts as your income grows to accelerate wealth accumulation.

Utilize Tax-Efficient Investments: Explore tax-efficient investment options such as ELSS, PPF, and NPS to minimize tax liability and maximize returns. Take advantage of tax-saving opportunities to optimize your investment strategy.

Diversify Income Streams: Look for opportunities to diversify your sources of income beyond investments. Consider generating passive income through rental properties, royalties, or online businesses to supplement your investment earnings.

Monitor Foreign and Indian Stocks: Keep a close eye on your foreign and Indian stock holdings to capitalize on growth opportunities and mitigate risks. Consider rebalancing your stock portfolio periodically to manage volatility and optimize returns.

Plan for Healthcare Costs: Factor in healthcare expenses when planning for retirement. Consider purchasing health insurance coverage to protect against unexpected medical costs and ensure peace of mind during retirement.

Seek Professional Guidance: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can provide personalized advice and help you develop a comprehensive retirement plan tailored to your specific goals and circumstances.

With a disciplined approach to savings, strategic investments, and prudent financial planning, you can work towards achieving your retirement goal of generating 1L per month in passive income by the age of 45.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 31, investing approx 80k per month in SIP, with a current corpus of 50L. I also have 1.2Cr in foreign stocks which have been performing really well, 10L in Indian stock market and another 15L in PPF and NPS. I want to retire by the time I'm 45 with an expected earning of 1L per month. Any suggestions or ideas?
Ans: It's impressive to see your proactive approach towards financial planning at such a young age! Let's discuss some strategies to help you achieve your retirement goal of retiring by the age of 45 with an expected earning of 1 lakh per month:
1. Evaluate Current Portfolio:
• Your current portfolio comprises investments across various asset classes, including SIPs, foreign stocks, Indian stocks, PPF, and NPS. This diversified approach indicates a thoughtful investment strategy.
2. Assess Retirement Corpus:
• To retire comfortably by the age of 45 and generate a monthly income of 1 lakh, it's essential to estimate the corpus required to sustain your desired lifestyle. Consider factors such as inflation, expected rate of return on investments, and projected expenses during retirement.
3. Contribution towards SIPs:
• Your monthly SIP contributions of approximately 80,000 rupees demonstrate a commitment to saving and investing for the future. Continue this disciplined approach and consider increasing your SIP contributions over time to accelerate wealth accumulation.
4. Optimize Investment Allocation:
• Review the allocation of your investments across different asset classes to ensure they align with your risk tolerance and long-term goals. While foreign stocks and Indian stocks offer growth potential, ensure they're balanced with stable assets like PPF and NPS to mitigate risk.
5. Explore Income-Generating Assets:
• Consider diversifying your investment portfolio with income-generating assets such as rental properties, dividend-paying stocks, or bonds. These assets can provide a steady stream of income during retirement, complementing your investment returns.
6. Retirement Planning with Tax Efficiency:
• Optimize your retirement savings by leveraging tax-efficient investment options like NPS and PPF. Both instruments offer tax benefits on contributions and tax-free returns, making them attractive vehicles for long-term wealth accumulation.
7. Regular Portfolio Review:
• Periodically review your investment portfolio to track performance, assess market conditions, and make necessary adjustments. As you approach retirement age, consider shifting towards more conservative investment options to preserve capital and generate stable income streams.
8. Professional Guidance:
• Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial goals and risk profile. A CFP can help you develop a comprehensive retirement plan, optimize your investment strategy, and navigate any challenges along the way.
In summary, achieving your retirement goal of retiring by the age of 45 with an expected earning of 1 lakh per month requires careful planning, disciplined saving, and prudent investing. By continuing your proactive approach, diversifying your portfolio, and seeking professional guidance, you can enhance your chances of realizing your financial aspirations with confidence.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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Hi I have current SIP amount of 2.5cr. LIC 70lacs. FD 12lacs. Monthly SIP investment of 1lac. I am 43 with 2 small kids. When is the right time to retire?
Ans: First, congratulations on building a solid financial base. At 43, with Rs. 2.5 crores in SIP investments, Rs. 70 lakhs in LIC, and Rs. 12 lakhs in FD, you are on a good path. Additionally, investing Rs. 1 lakh per month in SIPs shows your commitment to growing your wealth.

Retirement Planning Overview
Planning for retirement is crucial, especially with two small kids. Your financial goal should cover your lifestyle expenses, children's education, and other long-term goals. Let’s break down how to determine the right time to retire.

Analyzing Your Current Investments
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Current SIP Corpus: Rs. 2.5 crores
Monthly SIP Contribution: Rs. 1 lakh
SIPs are a great way to build wealth over time. With the power of compounding, your investments will grow significantly.

Life Insurance Corporation (LIC) Policies
Total LIC Coverage: Rs. 70 lakhs
LIC policies provide security, but often the returns are lower compared to mutual funds. It's essential to review the policies periodically.

Fixed Deposits (FD)
FD Amount: Rs. 12 lakhs
FDs are safe but offer lower returns. Keep them for short-term needs and emergency funds.

Financial Goals and Future Requirements
Children's Education and Marriage
Education and marriage costs can be substantial. It’s crucial to allocate a part of your investments for these goals.

Retirement Corpus
You need to estimate how much you’ll need annually post-retirement and multiply that by the number of years you expect to live after retiring.

Steps to Plan Your Retirement
1. Evaluate Your Expenses
Calculate your current and future expenses, including children's education, marriage, daily living, and healthcare.

2. Determine Your Retirement Corpus
Estimate the total amount you will need to retire comfortably. This includes inflation-adjusted expenses for the rest of your life.

3. Asset Allocation Strategy
Maintain a diversified portfolio. As you approach retirement, gradually shift from high-risk investments to more stable options.

4. Increase Your Investments
With a high income, consider increasing your monthly SIP contributions. This accelerates your wealth growth.

Strategic Investment Plan
Equity Mutual Funds
Continue with equity mutual funds for high returns.
Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Debt Funds
Increase exposure to debt funds as you near retirement.
They offer stability and lower risk.
Hybrid Funds
These funds offer a balanced approach.
Consider them for a mix of equity and debt exposure.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a tax-efficient investment.
It provides steady returns and can be a part of your debt allocation.
Importance of Health and Life Insurance
Health Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage.
Consider family floater plans for comprehensive coverage.
Life Insurance
Term insurance is crucial for securing your family's future.
Ensure the sum assured is sufficient to cover your family’s needs.
Emergency Fund
Maintain at least 6-12 months of expenses in an emergency fund.
This can be in FDs or liquid mutual funds.
Review and Adjust
Regularly review your investment portfolio and financial goals. Adjust your strategy based on changes in income, expenses, and market conditions.

Final Insights
You have a strong financial foundation. To achieve a comfortable retirement, focus on disciplined investing, proper asset allocation, and regular portfolio reviews. Increase your SIPs, diversify your investments, and ensure adequate insurance coverage. By following these steps, you can confidently plan for a secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

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Hi , i am 43 years old. I have 2 small kids 8 and 6. I have 2.5crs in SIP with monthly investment of 1lac. I have 1 own house loan paid. i have LIC of 70lacs along with ELSS of 10 lacs and gold worth 50lacs. I would like to have 15 crs in 5 years. Please let me know when can i retire.
Ans: I see you are 43 years old and aiming to retire with a significant corpus. Let's dive into a comprehensive plan to achieve your goals and assess when you can comfortably retire.

Current Financial Situation
First, let's summarize your current financial status:

SIP Investments: Rs. 2.5 crore, with a monthly investment of Rs. 1 lakh.
Own House: Loan fully paid.
LIC: Rs. 70 lakh.
ELSS: Rs. 10 lakh.
Gold: Rs. 50 lakh.
Retirement Goal
You aim to have Rs. 15 crore in 5 years. Let's evaluate if this goal is achievable and when you can retire.

Assessing Your Financial Goals
Monthly SIP Investment
You have Rs. 2.5 crore in SIPs and invest Rs. 1 lakh monthly. SIPs in mutual funds are an excellent way to build wealth over time, leveraging the power of compounding.

Life Insurance and ELSS
You have Rs. 70 lakh in LIC and Rs. 10 lakh in ELSS. Life insurance ensures financial security for your family, while ELSS provides tax benefits and market-linked returns.

Gold Investments
Gold worth Rs. 50 lakh is a good hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty. However, it should not be the primary investment for growth.

Achieving Rs. 15 Crore in 5 Years
Current Corpus
Your current investments total Rs. 3.3 crore (Rs. 2.5 crore in SIPs + Rs. 70 lakh LIC + Rs. 10 lakh ELSS + Rs. 50 lakh gold).

Expected Growth Rate
Assuming a conservative growth rate of 12% per annum for SIPs and ELSS, and a stable value for gold, let's project your future corpus.

Investment Strategy
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs in mutual funds are crucial for achieving your goal. Continue your Rs. 1 lakh monthly investment. Here's a breakdown of mutual fund categories:

Equity Mutual Funds: High growth potential but with higher risk. Suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Debt Mutual Funds: Lower risk, providing stability and regular income.
Hybrid Mutual Funds: Balanced approach with both equity and debt exposure.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Avoid index funds due to their limitations in beating market averages. Actively managed funds, handled by professional fund managers, can potentially outperform the market, offering better returns.

Power of Compounding
Reinvesting your returns can significantly boost your corpus. Compounding generates returns on your returns, leading to exponential growth.

Diversification
Diversify your portfolio across various asset classes to manage risk. A balanced mix of equity, debt, and gold can provide stability and growth.

Detailed Plan
1. Equity Mutual Funds
Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Large-cap funds provide stability, while mid-cap and small-cap funds offer higher growth potential. Aim for 60% allocation in equity mutual funds for growth.

2. Debt Mutual Funds
Allocate 20% to debt mutual funds for stability and regular income. Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities, offering lower risk compared to equities.

3. Hybrid Mutual Funds
Invest 10% in hybrid mutual funds for a balanced approach. These funds invest in both equity and debt, reducing risk while providing growth potential.

4. Gold
Maintain your current gold investment as a hedge against inflation. Gold should constitute around 10% of your portfolio for diversification.

5. Life Insurance and ELSS
Ensure your life insurance coverage is adequate to protect your family. Your LIC policy of Rs. 70 lakh is a good start. Continue investing in ELSS for tax benefits and equity exposure.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Periodic Review
Review your portfolio periodically to ensure it aligns with your goals. Regular reviews help adjust your investments based on market conditions and financial objectives.

Rebalancing
Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain the desired asset allocation. Rebalancing ensures your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and investment goals.

Risk Management
Managing Market Volatility
Equity markets can be volatile. Diversification across asset classes can help mitigate this risk. Ensure a balanced mix of equity, debt, and gold.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund covering at least 6-12 months of expenses. An emergency fund provides liquidity and financial security during unforeseen events.

Final Insights
Achieving Rs. 15 Crore in 5 Years
With disciplined investments and strategic planning, reaching Rs. 15 crore in 5 years is achievable. Here are key takeaways:

Continue SIPs: Maintain your monthly SIP of Rs. 1 lakh. Equity mutual funds offer high growth potential.
Diversify Portfolio: Allocate investments across equity, debt, and gold for risk management and stability.
Regular Review and Rebalancing: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your goals.
Manage Risks: Diversify and maintain an emergency fund to manage risks and market volatility.
Life Insurance and ELSS: Ensure adequate life insurance coverage and continue investing in ELSS for tax benefits and equity exposure.
By following this comprehensive plan, you can achieve your financial goals and retire comfortably. Your disciplined approach to investing and strategic planning will ensure financial security for you and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I am in a 14 year old relationship with a man, the relationship is quite healthy until now, but our families are not accepting for marriage. Since his parents are divorced and her elder sister to. Everyone in my family is against this marriage and not one person is supporting it, but we truly love each other. Even the boy does, and he is doing everything he can for a mutual acceptance. There is no divorce history in my family till date. So sometimes, even I get sceptical about taking this relationship forward as I understand the seriousness of marriage, but I also understand that there is attachment, love, commitment, duration, everything involved in this 14 year old relationship which will make it very hard to accept someone else in place of him, so basically, I want to marry the guy, but not his family I know that’s not possible, but then what should I do? Should I just take the step forward with total faith in the man, or should I marry somewhere else where everything is great, only love will be unsure. The man has connections with both his parents and there is no custody involved. In this case. He is in a good relationship with both the parents, although he lives with his mother and sister.
Ans: Fourteen years is a profound commitment, and the fact that both of you have nurtured such a bond reflects a solid foundation that’s not easy to find or replicate. The conflict seems to lie mainly in your family’s fears and cultural values around marriage and their concern about potential patterns in relationships. This is an understandable reaction from them, given the uniqueness of his family background compared to what they’ve experienced.

It’s natural for you to feel torn, especially since you value your family’s approval and understand the complexities that can arise in marriage. While family acceptance can provide a comforting support system, there are instances when it doesn’t fully align with one’s own heart. Marrying him would mean choosing to rely primarily on each other, despite family reservations, which could require extra resilience and patience as you move forward together. Since he has strong relationships with both parents, it may be reassuring that he has a healthy view of family, despite their past. This could suggest that he has personal maturity and the ability to build a stable, loving relationship with you.

At the same time, your family’s perspective doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any curse or pattern that would carry over into your marriage. The key to deciding might be to look at the qualities he brings to the relationship, how both of you handle challenges, and whether he brings stability, honesty, and emotional support. The longevity and health of your relationship are positive indicators, and if both of you have open communication about potential concerns—like how family dynamics might play a role in the future—you’ll likely be prepared to face those hurdles together.

You’re faced with a decision that balances taking a leap of faith with the potential for some family disappointment. If he is the partner with whom you see a fulfilling life, the choice to marry might ultimately come down to what feels right to you, independent of family fears. Love, trust, and understanding—especially those that withstand the test of time—are incredibly powerful foundations. So, if you believe in the strength of your bond and feel you could weather any storm together, choosing him could be a step toward building the kind of family you truly want, even if it’s unconventional by your family’s standards.

But if you’re still unsure, taking time to express all these feelings to him, to explore your shared values and long-term goals, and to be absolutely sure of the life you want to build can help reinforce whichever path feels right for you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024
Relationship
Maam In last question of mine you told me that im taking meaning out of a friendly casual conversation. I may be doing so but I tried to ignore that guy but he is still staring at me and roaming around my house. What does that mean.???? Im not seeking attention from him. He himself is giving intense looks and appearing from no where. Our kids are in same school so I cant avoid seeing him. Its just not possible but i try not to give him.attention but he coming in front of me for no reason. Giving me suggestions about my child when I have not even asked him.anything.
Ans: One possibility here could be that he genuinely believes he’s being friendly and is unaware that his actions might be coming across as intrusive. Some people aren’t as skilled at reading subtle social cues or may interpret polite responses as openness to further interaction. Another scenario could be that he’s misinterpreting a simple acquaintanceship as an invitation for more personal connection, especially if he hasn’t recognized your signals for wanting distance.

It’s also possible, especially if he’s trying to advise you about your child, that he’s viewing himself as helpful or knowledgeable—again, likely without realizing he’s crossing a line. If he’s repeatedly making intense eye contact or appearing at odd times, it may also reflect a need for attention or connection on his part, even if it’s unintentional.

If this behavior continues and your efforts to distance yourself subtly aren’t working, it might be time to consider setting a gentle but clear boundary. This can be done with nonverbal cues, like quickly redirecting your gaze or finding reasons to leave a situation as soon as he tries to initiate a conversation. However, if his presence continues to bother you, there’s no harm in being more direct. A polite but firm approach, like thanking him for his advice and mentioning that you’d prefer to handle things yourself, can send a message that you’re not looking for further involvement.

Your well-being and comfort come first, and your instincts are valid. If his behavior is persistent and truly uncomfortable, it may be best to acknowledge it internally and remind yourself that you’re under no obligation to respond or interact beyond what feels right for you.

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