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31 year old with a family and a 70 lac loan – how can I own my flat and save money?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi
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I am 31 yrs old married and have 1 baby Wife and me both are working, total monthly income around @1.5lacs we are planning to buy a flat with loan amount of 70lacs Please share investment ideas ao that the i can own loan free flat and save decent amount of money in next 10 to 15 years

Ans: Financial Situation Overview

• Your combined monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lacs is impressive.
• Planning to buy a flat with a Rs. 70 lacs loan is a big step.
• Your goal to be loan-free in 10-15 years is smart.




Loan Repayment Strategy

• Consider a 15-year loan tenure for lower EMIs.
• Try to make extra payments whenever possible.
• Look for a loan with no prepayment penalties.




Investment Plan for Loan Repayment

• Start a separate investment fund for loan prepayment.
• Aim to invest 20-25% of your monthly income.
• Choose a mix of equity and debt mutual funds.




Equity Mutual Funds

• Invest in large-cap and multi-cap funds for steady growth.
• These funds can potentially give higher returns than your loan interest.
• Start Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) for regular investing.




Debt Mutual Funds

• Include some short-term debt funds in your portfolio.
• These can provide stability and liquidity to your investments.
• Use these funds for periodic partial loan prepayments.




Tax-Saving Investments

• Maximize your Section 80C benefits (Rs. 1.5 lacs per year).
• Consider Equity Linked Saving Schemes (ELSS) for tax benefits.
• ELSS can also contribute to your loan repayment fund.




Emergency Fund

• Build an emergency fund of 6 months' expenses.
• Keep this separate from your loan repayment fund.
• Use a high-yield savings account or liquid funds for this.




Insurance Planning

• Get adequate term life insurance to cover the loan amount.
• Ensure you have proper health insurance for your family.
• Consider disability insurance to protect your income.




Child's Future Planning

• Start a separate investment for your child's future needs.
• Consider education-focused mutual funds for this purpose.
• Increase this investment as your child grows older.




Retirement Planning

• Don't neglect retirement planning while focusing on the loan.
• Start a small SIP in equity funds for long-term retirement goals.
• Increase this gradually as your income grows.




Budgeting and Expense Management

• Create a detailed monthly budget to track expenses.
• Look for areas where you can cut unnecessary spending.
• Use the saved money to increase loan prepayments or investments.




Regular Review and Rebalancing

• Review your investment portfolio every 6 months.
• Rebalance to maintain the right equity-debt mix.
• Adjust your strategy based on loan interest rates and market conditions.




Finally

• Your plan to be loan-free is commendable. Stay focused!
• Balance between loan repayment and other financial goals.
• Regular investments and disciplined spending are key to success.
• Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

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I am 26 year old, earning 30k. In upcoming month im going to take 10 lac home loan and i have no investment and saving right now. I have to repay my loan and also want to invest. So please suggest me a good idea. So i can work on that
Ans: Taking a home loan is a big step, and it's great that you are thinking about how to balance loan repayment with investing. Here's a detailed guide to help you manage your finances effectively and build a secure financial future.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
First, let's understand your current financial situation. You are 26 years old, earning Rs 30,000 per month. You plan to take a home loan of Rs 10 lakh, and currently, you have no investments or savings.

Budgeting Your Monthly Income
Proper budgeting is essential to manage your loan repayments and save for future investments. Here's a suggested budget breakdown:

Monthly Income:

Salary: Rs 30,000
Monthly Expenses:

Household Expenses: Rs 10,000
Loan Repayment: Rs 10,000
Savings and Investments: Rs 5,000
Miscellaneous: Rs 5,000
This budget ensures that you can meet your loan obligations while also starting to save and invest.

Managing Loan Repayment
Paying off your home loan should be a priority. Here's how to manage your loan efficiently:

Understand Your EMI:

Calculate your Equated Monthly Installment (EMI).
Ensure it fits within your budget.
Timely Payments:

Always pay your EMI on time to avoid penalties.
Set up automatic payments to ensure you never miss an installment.
Prepayment Option:

If you receive a bonus or extra income, consider making prepayments.
This reduces the loan tenure and overall interest.
Building an Emergency Fund
Before you start investing, it's crucial to have an emergency fund. This fund should cover at least 6 months of your expenses.

Benefits of an Emergency Fund:

Provides financial security during emergencies.
Prevents the need to liquidate investments or take loans.
How to Build an Emergency Fund:

Save Rs 2,000 monthly until you reach your target.
Keep this fund in a separate, easily accessible savings account.
Starting Your Investment Journey
Investing is essential for long-term wealth creation. Here's how to start:

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Start with SIPs in mutual funds.
Invest Rs 2,000 monthly in diversified equity mutual funds.
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

PPF is a safe, long-term investment.
Offers tax benefits under Section 80C.
Invest Rs 1,000 monthly in PPF.
Gold Investment:

Consider investing in gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds.
Avoid physical gold due to storage issues.
Allocate Rs 500 monthly to gold investments.
Creating a Balanced Investment Portfolio
A balanced portfolio minimizes risk and maximizes returns. Here's a suggested allocation:

Equity:

Diversified equity funds: 50%
SIPs: 20%
Debt:

PPF: 20%
Fixed Deposits: 10%
Gold:

Gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds: 10%
Review and rebalance your portfolio annually with the help of a Certified Financial Planner.

Insurance Planning
Having adequate insurance is essential to protect your financial future. Consider the following:

Health Insurance:

Ensure you have a comprehensive health insurance policy.
It should cover you and your dependents.
Term Life Insurance:

A term plan provides financial security in case of any unfortunate event.
Ensure you have a term insurance policy with adequate coverage.
Efficient Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning can save you money. Invest in tax-saving instruments and claim deductions:

Section 80C:

Invest in PPF, ELSS, or NSC to claim deductions up to Rs 1.5 lakh.
Section 80D:

Claim deductions for health insurance premiums.
Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Financial planning is not a one-time activity. Regularly monitor your investments and make adjustments as needed. Here are some tips:

Annual Review:

Review your financial goals and progress annually.
Adjust your investments based on performance and market conditions.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner:

A CFP can provide professional advice and help you stay on track.
They can also assist in rebalancing your portfolio.
Managing Debt
Avoid taking unnecessary loans. If you have existing debt, prioritize paying it off. Here’s how:

Debt Repayment Strategy:

List all debts and their interest rates.
Pay off high-interest debts first.
Use any surplus funds to clear debts faster.
Setting Up a Retirement Fund
While planning for your current financial needs, don't neglect your retirement. Start investing early for a secure retirement:

Employees’ Provident Fund (EPF):

Ensure you contribute to EPF.
It offers tax benefits and long-term savings.
National Pension System (NPS):

NPS is a good option for retirement planning.
It offers tax benefits under Section 80CCD.
Teaching Financial Literacy
Teaching yourself financial literacy is crucial. Building good habits will benefit you in the long run:

Simple Saving:

Understand the importance of saving money.
Use a budgeting app to track expenses and savings.
Basic Investing:

Learn the basics of investing.
Understand how different investment options work.
Final Insights
Financial planning is a journey. It requires discipline, regular monitoring, and adjustments. With proper planning, you can manage your loan repayments, start saving, and invest for a secure future. Remember to stay focused, be patient, and seek professional advice when needed. You are already taking a great step by planning for the future, and with consistent efforts, you will succeed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Money
Hello All. I am 46 and my earning is 40k pm. . I have investment in various equity and sgb of around 1lac. I have around 5lac in bank. What can do so that I can buy flat or plot in coming years.
Ans: At 46, with a monthly income of Rs 40,000 and a goal to buy a flat or plot, it's essential to plan strategically. Let's explore the steps to help you achieve this goal.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Income and Savings

Your monthly income is Rs 40,000. You have Rs 1 lakh invested in equity and SGBs, and Rs 5 lakh in the bank.

Expenses and Savings Rate

Understanding your monthly expenses will help determine your savings rate. Aim to save at least 20-30% of your income, i.e., Rs 8,000 to Rs 12,000 monthly.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Primary Goal

Save enough to buy a flat or plot in the coming years. Determine the approximate cost of the property you wish to purchase.

Secondary Goals

Ensure financial security for emergencies, retirement, and other long-term needs.

Building an Emergency Fund
1. Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This will safeguard you against unexpected financial setbacks.

2. Liquid Assets

Keep this fund in liquid assets like a savings account or short-term fixed deposits for easy access.

Optimizing Your Investments
1. Equity Investments

You have Rs 1 lakh in equity and SGBs. Continue investing in these for long-term growth. Equity can provide higher returns over time.

2. Bank Savings

Your Rs 5 lakh in the bank is a good start. However, bank savings offer low returns. Consider moving some funds to higher-yield investments.

Monthly Investment Strategy
1. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Start SIPs in mutual funds. Invest Rs 8,000 to Rs 12,000 monthly. Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification.

2. Gold Investments

Continue with SGBs as part of your investment portfolio. Gold can act as a hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty.

Loan Repayment Strategy
1. Avoid Unnecessary Debt

Avoid taking on high-interest debt. Focus on saving and investing rather than borrowing.

2. Efficient Loan Management

If you need to take a loan for the property, plan for a manageable EMI. Aim for a tenure that balances EMI and interest payments effectively.

Enhancing Your Income
1. Side Income Opportunities

Explore ways to increase your income. This could be through freelance work, part-time jobs, or leveraging any skills you have.

2. Skill Development

Invest in learning new skills that can help you get a better-paying job or a promotion. This can significantly boost your income.

Tax Planning
1. Tax-saving Investments

Maximize your tax-saving investments under Section 80C, like PPF, EPF, and ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme). This will help reduce your tax liability.

2. Tax-efficient Returns

Opt for investments that offer tax-efficient returns. For example, long-term capital gains from equity mutual funds are taxed favorably.

Retirement Planning
1. Retirement Corpus

While your immediate goal is buying a property, ensure you also save for retirement. A diversified portfolio can help build a substantial retirement corpus.

2. Retirement Accounts

Continue with EPF and PPF, and consider investing in the National Pension System (NPS) for additional retirement savings.

Children's Education and Future Needs
1. Education Fund

If you have children, start a dedicated investment plan for their education. SIPs in equity mutual funds can help accumulate a significant corpus over time.

2. Future Expenses

Plan for future expenses like children's marriage or any other significant financial commitments. SIPs and long-term investments can aid in this.

Role of Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
1. Professional Guidance

Consulting a CFP can provide personalized advice and help in optimizing your investment strategy. They can guide you in selecting the right funds and managing your portfolio.

2. Regular Reviews

A CFP will regularly review your portfolio, ensuring it remains aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
1. Expert Management

Regular funds offer expert management and advice, which can lead to better investment decisions and optimized returns.

2. Convenience

Your CFP handles all the paperwork, portfolio reviews, and rebalancing, providing convenience and peace of mind.

3. Cost vs. Benefit

The slightly higher expense ratio of regular funds is justified by the professional guidance and better portfolio management they offer.

Achieving Your Property Purchase Goal
1. Consistent Investments

Invest consistently in mutual funds through SIPs. Rs 8,000 to Rs 12,000 monthly for several years can grow significantly with compounding.

2. Higher Returns

Equity mutual funds can provide higher returns over the long term compared to traditional investments like FD or PPF.

3. Disciplined Approach

Maintain a disciplined approach to investing. Avoid high-risk investments and focus on long-term growth.

Final Insights
Your goal of buying a flat or plot in the coming years is achievable with a structured and disciplined investment plan. Focus on mutual funds, avoid unnecessary debt, and regularly review your portfolio. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable guidance and help you stay on track to meet your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
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Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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