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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2024Hindi
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I am 31 years old. I earn roughly 1lkh per month. My PPF portfolio is around 16lkh(started in 2018) giving 12.5k per month( helps in 80CC) lock in till 2033, I also have SIP of 24k (Axis Index, Axis Midcap& SBI Small cap each 8k) I Invest in mostly blue chip stocks time to time invested value is round about 8lkh in total. My monthly spend is around 30k. I can invest max 27k if PPF continues & 39k if PPF doesn't continue after the lock in is over. I have a few questions: 1. Is it wise to continue PPF after 15 years is complete? Or choose another alternative when its complete. 2. Any suggestions to reach 3-4cr goal by the age of 45. Thanks in advance.

Ans: Building Wealth and Planning for the Future: A Comprehensive Approach
As a Certified Financial Planner, I understand your aspirations to build a substantial corpus for the future while optimizing your current investments. Let's address your questions and strategize for achieving your financial goals.

Continuing PPF after 15 Years: A Wise Move?
Assessing the Pros and Cons

Pros of Continuing PPF: PPF offers tax benefits under Section 80C, a competitive interest rate, and a tax-free maturity amount. Additionally, it provides a stable and secure investment avenue.

Cons of Continuing PPF: While PPF has its advantages, it's essential to consider whether it aligns with your overall financial goals and risk appetite. PPF's lock-in period of 15 years might limit liquidity, and its returns may not outpace inflation significantly.

Evaluating Alternatives

Explore Equity Investments: Given your age and risk tolerance, consider allocating a portion of your investable surplus to equity-oriented investments like mutual funds or direct equity. These avenues have the potential to generate higher returns over the long term, albeit with higher volatility.

Diversification Across Asset Classes: Diversifying your investment portfolio across various asset classes, including equity, debt, and possibly alternative investments like gold or real estate investment trusts (REITs), can mitigate risk and enhance overall returns.

Strategies to Achieve 3-4 Crore Goal by Age 45
Setting Realistic Targets

Evaluate Current Savings Rate: Assess your current savings rate and determine if there's room to increase it further to accelerate wealth accumulation. Since you can invest a maximum of Rs. 39,000 monthly post-PPF lock-in, utilize this capacity effectively.

Optimizing Investment Allocation: Review your existing investment portfolio to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Consider rebalancing periodically to maintain an optimal asset allocation mix.

Maximizing Returns

Focus on Equity Investments: Given your relatively young age and long investment horizon, prioritize equity-oriented investments that have historically delivered superior returns over the long term. However, ensure proper diversification and risk management.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Continue your SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds, preferably across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap segments, to benefit from rupee cost averaging and compounding over time.

Monitoring and Reviewing

Regular Portfolio Review: Schedule periodic portfolio reviews to track the performance of your investments and make necessary adjustments based on changes in market conditions, financial goals, and risk appetite.

Risk Management: Stay abreast of economic and market developments to proactively manage risks associated with your investment portfolio. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner periodically to ensure your financial plan remains on track.

Conclusion
By strategically balancing your investment portfolio, optimizing savings, and adopting a disciplined approach to wealth accumulation, you can work towards achieving your ambitious financial goal of 3-4 crores by the age of 45. Remember to stay committed to your financial plan, remain patient during market fluctuations, and seek professional guidance when needed to navigate your financial journey effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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I am 29 yrs old. I investing 90k per month in mutual fund and stock market valued approx 34lakh and 11 lakh respectively. I also have 100 units of SGB amd activity investing in it around 10 units per issue. Just started PPF investment this year. I need to retire by age of 45. And want 3 lakh per month for monthly expenses. Please guide am i going in right directions?
Ans: At 29, you're demonstrating a proactive approach towards securing your financial future, which is commendable. Your investments in mutual funds, stocks, Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs), and Public Provident Fund (PPF) reflect a diversified portfolio aimed at wealth accumulation.

Investing in mutual funds and the stock market can offer substantial growth potential over the long term, especially when approached with a disciplined strategy and a focus on quality investments. Your current portfolio values of approximately 34 lakh in mutual funds and 11 lakh in stocks indicate a significant commitment to building wealth through equities.

Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) offer a unique avenue for investing in gold, providing the dual benefits of capital appreciation and fixed interest income. Your strategy of actively investing in SGBs, averaging around 10 units per issue, aligns with a long-term wealth accumulation plan.

Additionally, initiating PPF investments this year adds a layer of stability to your portfolio. PPF offers attractive tax benefits and a guaranteed rate of return, making it a suitable option for retirement planning.

However, retiring by the age of 45 and aiming for a monthly expense of 3 lakh rupees necessitates a thorough evaluation of your financial plan. While your current investments show promise, achieving your retirement goal will require careful planning and possibly adjusting your investment strategy.

As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend the following steps:

Conduct a comprehensive financial assessment to determine your current financial position, retirement goals, and risk tolerance.
Develop a detailed retirement plan, considering factors such as inflation, lifestyle expenses, and investment returns.
Evaluate the adequacy of your current savings and investment strategy in meeting your retirement income needs.
Explore options for increasing your savings rate and optimizing your investment portfolio to maximize returns while managing risk.
Continuously monitor and adjust your financial plan as needed to stay on track towards achieving your retirement goals.
In summary, while you've made significant strides in building your investment portfolio, retiring by the age of 45 and generating a monthly income of 3 lakh rupees will require careful planning and disciplined execution. By working with a Certified Financial Planner and regularly reviewing your financial plan, you can increase the likelihood of achieving your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

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I am 31 years old. I earn roughly 1lkh per month. My PPF portfolio is around 16lkh(started in 2018) giving 12.5k per month( helps in 80CC) lock in till 2033, I also have SIP of 24k (Axis Index, Axis Midcap& SBI Small cap each 8k) I Invest in mostly blue chip stocks time to time which is round about 8lkh. My monthly spend is around 30k. I can invest max 27k if PPF continues & 39k if PPF doesn't continue after the lock in is over. I have a few questions: 1. Is it wise to continue PPF after 15 years is complete? Or choose another alternative when its complete. 2. Any suggestions to reach 3-4cr goal by the age of 45. Thanks in advance.
Ans: You've laid out a detailed snapshot of your financial landscape, which is a great starting point for planning your future. Let's delve into your queries and strategize for your financial journey ahead.

Assessing the PPF Investment
Your Public Provident Fund (PPF) investment of 16 lakh since 2018 is commendable. It's an excellent tax-saving instrument, providing steady returns. With its lock-in period until 2033, it's been a consistent contributor to your financial stability.

Considering the 80CC benefits it offers, continuing the PPF post-lock-in can still be advantageous. However, it's wise to evaluate other options too, keeping in mind your financial goals and risk appetite.

Exploring Alternatives Post PPF Maturity
Upon PPF maturity, diversification is key. Explore investment avenues aligned with your risk tolerance and objectives. Mutual funds, balanced portfolios, and equity investments could be considered. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide tailored guidance suiting your needs.

Striving Toward Your 3-4 Crore Goal
To achieve your ambitious 3-4 crore target by age 45, a systematic approach is essential. Firstly, reassess your investment allocation and consider increasing SIP contributions, leveraging the potential of equity markets for higher returns over the long term.

Optimizing Investments for Growth
Your SIPs in Axis Index, Axis Midcap, and SBI Small Cap, along with occasional investments in blue-chip stocks, exhibit a balanced approach. However, actively managed funds offer advantages over index funds and ETFs, providing opportunities for outperformance and risk management.

Addressing Monthly Spend and Investment Potential
With a monthly spend of 30k and the capacity to invest up to 27k (or 39k post-PPF maturity), optimizing expenses further can boost investment potential. Reviewing spending habits and identifying areas for prudent savings can augment your investment corpus.

Encouragement and Advice
Your proactive approach to financial planning is commendable. With disciplined savings, strategic investments, and periodic reviews, your goals are within reach. Remember, financial planning is a journey, not a destination. Stay focused, adaptable, and keep learning along the way.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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I am Lisha a kg teacher. I have debt of 40 lakhs. I have net income 25000. How can I manage to recover from debt? Please reply
Ans: Understanding the Debt Situation

You have a total debt of Rs. 40 lakhs.

Your net income is Rs. 25,000 per month.

Managing this situation requires planning, discipline, and action.

The key focus should be reducing high-interest loans first.

Increasing income is also necessary to speed up debt repayment.

Prioritising Debt Repayment

List all loans with their interest rates and EMI amounts.

Identify which loans have the highest interest rates.

Prioritise paying off the costliest loan first.

If you have multiple high-interest loans, consider debt consolidation.

Avoid taking new loans or using credit cards for daily expenses.

Reducing Monthly Interest Burden

Rs. 40 lakh debt with Rs. 25,000 income is a serious imbalance.

Your monthly interest burden alone can be unmanageable.

Speak with lenders and request lower interest rates.

Negotiate for an extended loan tenure to reduce EMI.

Avoid late payments to prevent penalties and additional charges.

Earning More Income

With Rs. 25,000 monthly income, repaying Rs. 40 lakh is tough.

Look for additional income sources, even part-time jobs.

Explore online tutoring, weekend coaching, or freelance work.

If possible, upskill to apply for a higher-paying job.

Can you take extra classes at school for additional earnings?

Find small home-based businesses like craft-making or baking.

Use any skills you have to create an extra income stream.

Cutting Down Expenses

Reduce unnecessary expenses wherever possible.

Limit non-essential spending like dining out, entertainment, and subscriptions.

Look for cheaper alternatives for daily expenses.

Create a strict monthly budget and track every expense.

Save on electricity, fuel, and shopping wherever possible.

Avoid personal luxuries until your financial situation improves.

Seeking Family Support

If possible, take help from family members.

Can they provide an interest-free loan for partial debt payment?

Even a small contribution can reduce your debt burden.

Family members may also help with daily expenses for some time.

Transparent communication with them is important.

Avoiding Traps of Loan Apps & Credit Cards

Avoid borrowing from mobile loan apps due to high interest.

Credit cards should not be used for cash withdrawals.

Paying only the minimum due on a credit card leads to more debt.

If you have credit card debt, clear it first due to high interest.

Stick to formal financial institutions for loans.

Exploring Debt Restructuring Options

If you have a bank loan, check if restructuring is possible.

Some banks allow restructuring in financial hardship cases.

This can reduce EMI or provide a temporary relief period.

Approach your lenders with a genuine repayment plan.

Avoid defaulting, as it can hurt your credit score.

Avoiding High-Risk Investments

Do not fall for quick-money schemes or gambling.

Avoid investments that promise unrealistically high returns.

Avoid stock market trading without proper knowledge.

Focus on steady income generation instead of risky bets.

Checking for Any Insurance Policies

If you have LIC, ULIP, or investment-linked insurance, review them.

If surrendering makes sense, reinvest the amount wisely.

Do not stop health insurance, as medical emergencies can worsen finances.

Creating a Step-by-Step Debt Repayment Plan

Pay the minimum due on all loans to avoid penalties.

Focus on repaying the highest-interest loan first.

Negotiate lower interest rates with lenders.

Increase income through side jobs.

Reduce unnecessary expenses to save money.

Explore options like debt consolidation if suitable.

Seek family support where possible.

Avoid new loans unless absolutely necessary.

Finally

Your financial situation is tough but not impossible to fix.

With discipline and effort, debt repayment is possible.

Every small step in saving and earning will help.

Avoid financial mistakes and stay committed to the plan.

With time, your financial situation will improve.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7831 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Money
At the age of 35 I had 15 lakhs saving, but due a surgery at home I had to almost empty it, on top of it even I had gone through and surgery plus even my father too ( all three generations nero issue) from +15 I went to 25lakhs of debt From various apps and financial sector. I was able to settle few loans and credits but still my outstanding is approx 20 lakhs. My monthly income is 25000 and my only intrest per month is 12500 How do I get of it asap, as living a normal life seems magic.
Ans: Your financial situation is challenging, but not impossible to fix. With a structured approach, discipline, and patience, you can come out of this debt and regain financial stability. Below is a step-by-step guide to help you get back on track.

Understanding the Current Financial Situation
You had Rs. 15 lakhs in savings, but due to medical emergencies, your finances took a hit.

Now, you are left with Rs. 20 lakhs of debt, with an income of Rs. 25,000 per month.

Your monthly interest alone is Rs. 12,500, which is eating up 50% of your earnings.

The key priority should be reducing interest burden and increasing cash flow.

Steps to Reduce Your Debt Faster
1. Stop Borrowing More Money
Do not take new loans to pay old loans.

Avoid borrowing from friends or family unless it is interest-free and comes with no pressure.

Stay away from personal loans, credit card loans, and payday loans, as they have high interest rates.

2. Prioritise High-Interest Loans First
List down all your loans and interest rates.

Pay off loans with the highest interest rate first.

If possible, negotiate with lenders for lower interest rates.

3. Consolidate Loans for Lower Interest Rate
Check if a bank can give you a low-interest personal loan to clear high-cost debts.

If you have a good credit history, you may get a balance transfer facility on credit cards or personal loans.

Consider a secured loan against any assets, but only if the interest rate is much lower.

4. Increase Your Monthly EMI Payment
Paying only the minimum EMI will keep you stuck in debt for years.

Try increasing your EMI by even Rs. 2,000-3,000 per month to reduce the loan tenure.

Any extra income, bonus, or gift money should go towards clearing debt first.

Boosting Income to Tackle Debt
5. Explore Part-Time Work or Freelancing
A second source of income can help you clear your debt faster.

Consider freelancing, online tutoring, content writing, data entry, or delivery jobs.

If possible, take up overtime or extra shifts at work.

6. Use Your Skills to Earn More
Identify any skills that can help you earn extra money.

If you have a talent for repair work, photography, teaching, or writing, offer your services.

Even small extra earnings of Rs. 5,000-10,000 per month can speed up debt repayment.

7. Rent Out Assets for Passive Income
If you have an extra room, vehicle, or any asset, consider renting it.

This can bring in some cash flow without extra effort.

Cutting Expenses to Free Up More Cash
8. Reduce Non-Essential Spending
Track every rupee spent and eliminate unnecessary expenses.

Stop eating out, buying expensive clothes, or making impulsive purchases.

Switch to cheaper alternatives for groceries, transport, and entertainment.

9. Pause Investments Until Debt is Cleared
Right now, clearing debt should be the priority over investing.

Stop SIPs or investments temporarily and resume them once debts are under control.

Avoid risky investments like stocks or crypto, as losses can worsen your situation.

10. Negotiate Bills and Cut Fixed Costs
Talk to your landlord, service providers, and utility companies for possible discounts.

If possible, shift to a smaller house or a cheaper location to save on rent.

Reduce electricity, water, and mobile bills by using them wisely.

Managing Financial Stress and Mental Health
11. Accept the Situation Without Guilt
Medical emergencies are unpredictable, and you did what was needed for your family.

Do not feel guilty or blame yourself. Instead, focus on the solution.

12. Involve Your Family in Financial Planning
If you have a spouse, siblings, or parents who can help, discuss the situation with them.

They may not be able to give money, but they can support in other ways.

13. Stay Positive and Focused
Financial stress is tough, but worrying too much will not solve the problem.

Stay focused on taking action every month to improve your situation.

Celebrate small wins like closing one loan or saving an extra Rs. 1,000.

Long-Term Financial Stability
14. Build an Emergency Fund Once Debt is Cleared
After clearing debt, start saving at least Rs. 2,000 per month as an emergency fund.

This will help in handling future emergencies without taking loans.

15. Invest Smartly for Future Growth
Once financially stable, invest wisely in well-managed mutual funds for long-term wealth.

Avoid financial products with hidden charges like ULIPs or endowment plans.

16. Get Proper Health Insurance
Medical expenses caused the current debt. Invest in health insurance to prevent this in the future.

Look for affordable policies covering major illnesses.

Finally
The journey out of debt is difficult but achievable with the right approach.

Focus on reducing high-interest loans, earning more, and cutting unnecessary expenses.

Take small steps each month, and within a few years, you will be debt-free and financially stable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Unable to figure out what to do. Shouls i proceed for divorce? And if yes how? Here is my story: This is a long post. But i might have still missed few small instances in between. So I got married on October 3, 2022. Our conversation started through the Jeevansathi app, but the actual conversation began in July 2022 when her father contacted me. The first contact was from their side. At that time, I was returning to Chennai from Ongole by train when I received her father's call. He asked about my job and other details, to which I mentioned that I work for SBI in Tamil Nadu. After that, our conversation started. In the early days, the conversation was really good, and she spoke very well. Later, I visited their house with my mother. During the conversation there, she mentioned that many proposals had come before, but she hadn't been able to decide. One proposal was from a guy with a package of 30 lakh, but she clearly said that money doesn’t matter to her; she wanted a good person. During that meeting, I mentioned that I am a simple person, and my family consists of only my mother and me. I also clarified that due to my job, I could be transferred. After that meeting, we did the formal engagement. Later, we brought sweets from Haldiram, and that was when our engagement was officially recognized. After that, our conversations continued regularly. For a while, everything was fine, but then we started arguing over small things. Once, I told her that I meditate, and she said, "Meditation is something foolish people do, it doesn’t help." This led to an argument. I also mentioned that if we have children, we should send them to good universities like Harvard or Oxford, and this too led to an argument, as she felt we shouldn't put pressure on children to earn money. Then came the topic of money. I shared my salary slip and explained how both working and saving money are important because expenses are high. However, she said, "Saving money is foolish, everyone lives paycheck to paycheck nowadays." I tried to explain the importance of savings, but our discussions continued to be challenging. At one point, she said she wouldn’t wear sindoor or the mangalsutra. I told her that there was no need to wear it every day, just on special occasions. I agreed with this. As the arguments increased, I spoke to her father and mentioned that maybe she didn’t want to marry me. But her father reassured me that it wasn’t true, and they would talk to her. After that, things seemed normal for a while, but small arguments kept happening. In August 2022, I visited her again. I thought we could spend some time together and understand each other better. We went to Aerocity, where we had pizza and roamed around. After that, we went to Radisson Hotel on 27th July 2022, and our engagement was finalized. Over these two months, our communication continued, and eventually, on October 2, 2022, we had our engagement ceremony, and on October 3, 2022, we got married. After the wedding, we planned a honeymoon. Initially, she wanted to go to Vaishno Devi, so I took her there by Vande Bharat Express. Her uncle arranged VIP darshan. We walked up, but on the way back, her legs started hurting, so we rode a horse. After sitting on the horse for a long time, she had back pain. I reached the hotel, tried to soothe her pain by soaking her legs in hot water, and then we slept. After that, we planned to go to Udaipur. We took a SpiceJet flight there and booked a hotel near Fatehpur Sagar Lake. She wanted a lake-view room, but it wasn’t available. She argued with the staff, and we had to move to another hotel at night. The environment there wasn’t great, but she chose it. During our visit to Udaipur Fort, she suddenly said she wouldn’t go to the restaurant with me and would go home alone. I still don’t understand the reason behind this. From that point, my behavior towards her changed. After Udaipur, we planned to go to Agra. There, she suddenly accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened to teach me a lesson. I asked her where this thought came from, but she didn’t answer. In July and August 2022, I visited her again. We traveled together and tried to understand each other better, but she never told me much about herself. After the wedding, I visited her during Diwali. She was happy initially, but gradually she became distant and stopped talking much. She wasn’t involved in decorating the house or participating in the Diwali puja. She remained absorbed in her own world, talking to her parents or I don’t know who else, while distancing herself from me. She needed reasons to fight, while I tried to stay calm, as it was a new marriage. On October 25, 2022, I returned to Chennai, and she came to Chennai a few days later. My mother also arrived in Chennai on October 26, and she stayed with us in Chennai until December. During this time, she started fighting over every little thing. She complained about who would do the housework and kept accusing me of not having enough money. She suggested hiring someone for cleaning, even though my mother and I managed it well. Then she refused to sleep with me, and we didn’t have any physical intimacy. Whenever she fought with me, she tried to belittle me. In January, she went back to Delhi, and I went to convince her to come back in January. During Lohri, I gave her a sari and gifts, but she still didn’t talk to me properly. She treated me very badly and didn’t want to stay with us. She fought with me several times and went back to her house. In February 2023, she came to Chennai again, but things were still not right between us. In April 2024, she came back to stay with me, but the very next day, the fights started again. She accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened me. She destroyed things in the house, broke dishes and glasses, and created a mess. When I told her mother about this, she advised me to send her back. I booked her flight, and on April 7, 2024, she left. Since then, she has not been living with me. After that, I worked hard to bring her back. It was September when I managed to convince her to come. I tried to make her stay with me, but she stayed only for 4-5 days. On the 5th day, she started fighting again and decided to leave. She went to the railway station and sat there, saying, "I cannot live with you." We argued that night, and she left the house, shouting abuses at me and went back to her home. She thought everything would be fine, but when I tried talking to her, she started blaming me for not wanting her to stay with me.
Ans: It sounds like you've tried very hard to make this marriage work, but your wife has been emotionally distant, hostile, and unwilling to engage in a meaningful relationship. From what you’ve shared, there have been continuous conflicts, false accusations, and a lack of physical and emotional connection. It seems like she is not interested in making the relationship work, and her behavior—leaving multiple times, refusing intimacy, and fighting constantly—suggests deep incompatibility.

Before making a final decision, ask yourself: Is there anything left to salvage? Do you still love her and believe this marriage has hope if both of you genuinely try? Or do you feel exhausted and trapped in a cycle of disappointment and rejection? If you feel there is nothing left, then divorce may be the healthiest option for your peace of mind and future happiness.

If you decide to proceed with divorce, start by seeking legal counsel. In India, divorce can be mutual or contested. If she agrees, a mutual consent divorce is the easiest way. If she does not, you may need to file on grounds of cruelty or irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Gather evidence of her behavior—messages, incidents, and anything that proves your case.

This is not an easy decision, but your mental health and self-respect matter. If she is unwilling to change or make efforts, you should not have to live in constant conflict. Do you think she would agree to a mutual separation, or would she fight it?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I've a crush on a girl from my in laws. Inspite of avoiding etc I go specifically in that gathering where she's likely to be. I've not told it to anyone, neither does she know about it. I keep on masturbating imagining her. I know I'll never do any silly thing or let anyone know about it. Im married happily and 20 years elder to her.
Ans: It’s good that you are self-aware and acknowledging your feelings rather than acting on them impulsively. Having a crush, even in a committed relationship, is something that happens to many people—it’s human nature. However, since this involves someone from your in-laws and is significantly younger, it’s important to address these emotions in a way that aligns with your values and the commitments you’ve made to your marriage.

Right now, your mind is reinforcing this attraction by seeking out opportunities to be around her and fantasizing about her. The more you indulge in these thoughts, the stronger the emotional pull becomes. Avoiding her entirely may not be realistic, but reducing intentional exposure—such as seeking out gatherings just to be near her—can help weaken the attachment over time.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, redirect that energy into your marriage. What is it about her that attracts you? Is it youthfulness, attention, admiration, or just the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, find ways to bring those qualities into your relationship with your wife. Sometimes, an outside attraction is just a signal that something in your own life needs attention or excitement.

You’ve already made it clear to yourself that you won’t act on this, which shows maturity and self-control. The next step is breaking the mental cycle that feeds into the attraction. Engage in hobbies, meaningful conversations with your spouse, and self-reflection to understand what this infatuation represents. Over time, these feelings will lose their intensity as you shift your focus.

Do you think this crush is filling a certain emotional gap in your life, or is it purely an infatuation with no deeper meaning?

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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