Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
Money

28 yrs old, Investing ?10k pm in MFs (total ?44k), FD maturing soon (?40k), RD ongoing (?8k monthly, approx ?75k, goal 2L) and PPF at ?1.16 lakh (matures in 9 years). Target monthly expense post-retirement: ?1Lakh. Considering Digital Gold SIP too. I need to retire by 50 age or before. What more I need to do, please guide.

Ans: Hi, it’s impressive that you are thinking ahead about retirement. You're 28 and aiming to retire by 50 or earlier. Your goal is to have Rs 1 lakh as your monthly post-retirement expense. Let’s work on a plan to help you achieve this.

Current Financial Situation
Let’s summarize your current investments:

Mutual Funds: Rs 10,000 per month, totaling Rs 44,000 invested.
Fixed Deposit: Rs 40,000 maturing soon.
Recurring Deposit: Rs 8,000 per month, with a goal of Rs 2 lakh.
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 1.16 lakh, maturing in 9 years.
Building a Strong Financial Foundation
A solid financial foundation is crucial for achieving your retirement goals:

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This provides a safety net during unexpected situations.
Insurance: Adequate health and life insurance are essential. This protects you and your family from unforeseen events.
Accelerating Your Debt Repayment
If you have any debt, prioritize repaying it:

High-Interest Debt: Focus on paying off high-interest debts first. This reduces your overall interest burden and improves your financial health.
Investing in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are a great way to grow your wealth:

Diversification: Invest in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds. This balances risk and returns.
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Continue your SIPs and gradually increase the amount as your income grows.
Regular Review: Review your mutual fund portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to ensure it aligns with your goals.
Fixed Deposits and Recurring Deposits
Fixed and recurring deposits offer stability:

Reinvestment: Once your FD matures, reinvest the amount in a diversified portfolio. This could include mutual funds or other investment options.
Goal Achievement: Use the RD to achieve your short-term goal of Rs 2 lakh. After reaching this goal, redirect the funds towards long-term investments.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a reliable long-term investment:

Consistent Contributions: Continue contributing to your PPF account. It offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns.
Maturity Planning: Plan for the maturity of your PPF in 9 years. Consider reinvesting the maturity amount for continued growth.
Considering Digital Gold SIP
Digital gold can be part of your investment portfolio:

Small Allocation: Allocate a small portion of your investment to digital gold. It acts as a hedge against inflation.
Regular Investment: Invest systematically through a Digital Gold SIP to benefit from rupee cost averaging.
Diversifying Your Investments
Diversification reduces risk and enhances returns:

Equity Funds: Increase your exposure to equity mutual funds for higher returns. This helps in long-term wealth creation.
Debt Funds: Include debt funds for stability and regular income. This balances your portfolio.
Gold: Continue with a small allocation to digital gold for diversification.
Planning for Inflation
Inflation reduces purchasing power over time:

Growth Investments: Invest in assets that grow faster than inflation, like equity mutual funds and stocks.
Regular Adjustments: Review and adjust your investments regularly to stay ahead of inflation.
Estimating Retirement Corpus
Estimate the total corpus needed to generate Rs 1 lakh monthly post-retirement:

Current Expenses: Calculate your current monthly expenses.
Future Expenses: Consider inflation to estimate future expenses.
Corpus Calculation: Determine the total corpus needed to generate the desired monthly income.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
An SWP helps in managing post-retirement income:

Regular Income: SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount from your mutual fund investments regularly.
Tax Efficiency: It is more tax-efficient compared to withdrawing a lump sum.
Investing in Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can offer better returns:

Professional Management: Actively managed funds are managed by experienced fund managers.
Higher Returns: They have the potential to outperform the market and deliver higher returns compared to index funds.
Avoiding Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem cost-effective but come with disadvantages:

Lack of Guidance: Investing directly means missing out on professional advice.
Complexity: Managing direct funds requires a deep understanding of the market and regular monitoring.
Benefits of Regular Funds through CFP
Investing through a CFP ensures expert guidance:

Customized Plan: A CFP provides a personalized investment plan based on your goals and risk tolerance.
Regular Reviews: They conduct regular reviews and adjustments to your portfolio, ensuring it remains aligned with your objectives.
Creating a Financial Roadmap
A clear roadmap helps you stay on track:

Short-Term Goals: Identify and achieve short-term financial goals like building an emergency fund and clearing debt.
Long-Term Goals: Focus on long-term goals like retirement planning and wealth creation.
Increasing Your Investment Amount
Gradually increase your investment amount as your income grows:

SIP Increase: Increase your SIP amount periodically to accelerate wealth creation.
Bonus or Increment: Invest any bonuses or salary increments for better returns.
Professional Guidance
Seek professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner:

Expert Advice: A CFP provides expert advice and personalized investment strategies.
Regular Monitoring: They monitor your investments regularly and suggest necessary adjustments.
Monitoring and Reviewing Investments
Regular monitoring and reviewing are crucial for success:

Annual Review: Conduct an annual review of your investment portfolio.
Adjustments: Make necessary adjustments based on performance and changing financial goals.
Future-Proofing Your Investments
Future-proof your investments to ensure long-term financial security:

Diversified Portfolio: Maintain a diversified portfolio to manage risk.
Professional Guidance: Seek regular advice from a Certified Financial Planner.
Flexibility: Be flexible with your investment strategy to adapt to changing market conditions.
Final Insights
Retiring by 50 with a monthly expense of Rs 1 lakh is achievable with disciplined planning and smart investments. Continue your SIPs, reinvest maturing FDs, and contribute to your PPF. Diversify your investments with equity, debt, and digital gold. Seek professional guidance, regularly review your portfolio, and make necessary adjustments. Stay disciplined and focused on your goals. Best of luck on your financial journey!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 18, 2023Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi, I am 40 year old with my wife and 3yr old son. I have already invested 780000 in various mfs and currently sip of 29000 pm. Also I am investing 20000 per year in ppf. I have invested 18 units in SGB as of now. I want to retire at age of 52 year. My current expense is 35000 pm. Please suggest me for my retirement goal.
Ans: Based on the information you've provided, you seem to be on a good track for retirement planning. Here's a breakdown to help you analyze your current situation and suggest some improvements for your retirement goals:

Current Scenario Analysis:

Investments:
Total Invested Amount: ?7,80,000 (lump sum)
Monthly SIP: ?29,000
PPF Investment: ?20,000 per year (approx. ?1667 per month)
SGB Investment: 18 units (total investment amount not available)
Retirement Age: 52 years (12 years from now)
Monthly Expenses: ?35,000
Points to Consider:

Investment Horizon: 12 years is a good timeframe for investments to grow for your retirement.
Diversification: While details of your mutual funds are not available, aim for a diversified portfolio across asset classes (equity, debt) to manage risk.
Inflation: Inflation can erode the purchasing power of your money over time. Factor in inflation when calculating your retirement corpus.
Retirement Lifestyle: Consider the lifestyle you desire in retirement and estimate the monthly expenses you might have.
Suggestions for Improvement:

Calculate Required Corpus: Use online retirement calculators or consult a financial advisor to estimate the total corpus you'll need based on your desired retirement lifestyle and expected inflation.
Review your SIP: Analyze your existing SIPs and their performance. You can consider increasing the SIP amount gradually as your income grows to reach your target corpus.
Asset Allocation: Ensure your mutual fund portfolio has an appropriate asset allocation based on your risk tolerance and remaining investment horizon. You might need to adjust the mix of equity and debt funds closer to retirement for more stability.
NPS (National Pension System): Consider exploring NPS, which offers tax benefits and a structured approach to retirement savings. However, the investment has a lock-in period until retirement with some exceptions.
Health Insurance: Having adequate health insurance coverage is crucial, especially as medical expenses tend to rise with age. Ensure you and your family have a comprehensive health insurance plan.
Here are some resources that can help you with retirement planning:

Retirement Calculators: Many online financial institutions and investment platforms offer retirement calculators.
SEBI (Securities and Exchange Board of India) - Investor Education on Retirement Planning: [invalid URL removed]
PFRDA (Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority) - NPS Website: https://www.pfrda.org.in/
Remember:

This is a general overview, and consulting a qualified financial advisor can provide personalized guidance based on your specific circumstances, risk tolerance, and financial goals.
Regularly review your investment portfolio and adjust your strategy as needed based on market conditions and your evolving needs.
By continuing with your current investments, exploring additional options, and carefully planning, you can increase your chances of achieving a comfortable and secure retirement.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I'm 27 years old and married with 1 daughter (age 1 month) and from last 2 year I'm doing sip on 4 equity MF with 14k ( 5 on small cap, 5 midcap, 3 large cap, 1 flexicap), and holding stocks worth 4 lac, now I'm planning to invest more 5k in large & midcap, midcap 3k and small cap 3k, and quarterly 30k on sovereign gold bonds. My investment time frame is 10 year and I want to retire at 40 age. Please suggest me if any changes required or not.
Ans: Current Investment Strategy
You are investing in equity mutual funds and stocks. Your monthly SIPs total Rs. 14,000. You plan to add Rs. 11,000 more in various mutual funds and Rs. 30,000 quarterly in sovereign gold bonds.

Assessing Your Investment Mix
Your portfolio is well-diversified across small cap, midcap, large cap, and flexicap funds. This diversification balances risk and potential returns.

Adding More Investments
Adding more to large & midcap, midcap, and small cap funds is good. It aligns with your long-term goals. Sovereign gold bonds add stability and diversification.

Retirement Planning
You plan to retire at 40, giving you a 13-year investment horizon. This requires a substantial corpus. Ensure your savings are aggressive yet balanced. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio.

Insurance and Emergency Fund
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. This protects your family. Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.

Final Insights
Your investment strategy is sound and diversified. Continue with disciplined investments. Regularly review and adjust based on market conditions and goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am a 31yr old individual.. I have just started a SIP for 25k, all are direct MFs.. what should I do to have a good retirement life by 40 yrs..
Ans: Your decision to start a SIP of Rs 25,000 is excellent. It reflects commitment towards building a financial future.

You are 31 years old, giving you 9 years to achieve early retirement.
Direct mutual funds seem attractive, but they may not always be the best choice.
To achieve retirement by 40, you need a strategic plan.
Concerns with Direct Mutual Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios, but they lack professional guidance.

Investors may struggle to choose and monitor funds effectively.
Regular plans, through a Certified Financial Planner, offer expert advice.
A professional monitors fund performance and aligns them with your goals.
Switching to regular plans can ensure better alignment with your retirement plan.

Steps to Build a Retirement Corpus
Your retirement goal requires disciplined investing and strategic allocation.

Diversify Your Investments
Investing in a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds is essential.

Allocate 60% to equity funds for long-term growth.
Choose 30% in hybrid funds for stability and moderate growth.
Allocate 10% in debt funds to manage short-term needs.
This allocation balances growth with risk management.

Increase SIPs Gradually
You can start with Rs 25,000 SIP, but aim to increase it yearly.

A 10–15% increase in SIP each year can significantly boost your corpus.
Use bonuses or increments to add to your investments.
Consider Tax-Effective Investments
Understanding the taxation rules is crucial for optimising returns.

Long-term equity gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Plan withdrawals carefully to minimise tax impact.
Create an Emergency Fund
Building a robust emergency fund is critical before focusing on retirement.

Save at least 6–12 months’ expenses in a liquid fund.
Use this fund only for emergencies to protect your SIPs.
Annual Portfolio Review
Your portfolio must be reviewed regularly.

Market conditions and fund performance can change over time.
Rebalancing ensures your allocation aligns with your risk tolerance.
Engage a Certified Financial Planner for effective portfolio management.
Importance of Goal-Specific Planning
Retirement planning must account for all future expenses.

Estimate post-retirement expenses, including medical and lifestyle costs.
Factor inflation into your corpus requirement.
Without clear goals, you may fall short of your desired lifestyle.

Avoid Over-Reliance on Equity
Equity is ideal for growth, but too much exposure increases risk.

Diversify with hybrid and debt funds for steady returns.
Equity funds should focus on large-cap or flexi-cap options for stability.
Momentum or small-cap funds are not recommended for critical goals like retirement.

Monitoring and Adjustments
A consistent approach is essential, but flexibility is also needed.

Reassess your goals and progress every year.
Increase contributions if market performance is favourable.
Final Insights
You have made a commendable start with your SIP investments. To retire by 40, you need strategic planning, professional guidance, and disciplined execution. Switch from direct funds to regular plans through an expert. Diversify your portfolio with equity, hybrid, and debt funds. Maintain an emergency fund and review your plan annually to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Listen
Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on ' Careers | Health | Money | Relationship'.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
Listen
Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Listen
Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x