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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi, I'm 66 years retired person. Will u suggest me SCHEME NAME in which scheme I have to invest my hard earned money for SWP.....

Ans: You’re 66 years old and retired, which means you need to carefully manage your hard-earned money. Ensuring that your funds are invested wisely will provide you with regular income while protecting your capital. At this stage in life, it's important to focus on stability and regular income. You’ve worked hard for your money, and now it’s time for your money to work for you.

Why Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)?
A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) is an excellent choice for retirees. It allows you to withdraw a fixed amount of money at regular intervals from your investment. This provides you with a steady income, similar to a pension.

Here’s why SWP can be beneficial for you:

Regular Income: SWP ensures a fixed income flow. This helps in managing your monthly expenses.

Capital Preservation: By withdrawing a fixed amount, you avoid selling too much of your investment at a low price, which helps in preserving your capital.

Tax Efficiency: SWP is also tax-efficient. The withdrawals are treated as part capital withdrawal and part gain, reducing the tax burden.

Flexibility: SWP gives you the flexibility to choose the withdrawal amount and frequency as per your needs.

Choosing the Right Investment for SWP
Since you’re seeking regular income through SWP, it’s important to invest in schemes that offer both stability and growth potential. However, avoid high-risk investments at this stage of your life. Here are the key factors to consider:

Risk Tolerance: Given your age and retirement status, it's wise to choose low to moderate-risk investments. Your focus should be on preserving capital while earning a steady income.

Investment Horizon: Since SWP is typically used for long-term income, consider funds that have a good track record over several years. They should be able to provide consistent returns.

Scheme Selection: Instead of investing in index funds or direct funds, consider opting for actively managed funds. Actively managed funds provide the benefit of professional management and regular monitoring, which can be valuable in generating steady returns.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Actively Managed Funds: These funds are managed by experienced fund managers who actively buy and sell securities to outperform the market. This active management can provide better returns compared to index funds, especially in a volatile market. Actively managed funds are particularly beneficial for SWP as they aim to deliver consistent returns, which is essential for regular withdrawals.

Index Funds: On the other hand, index funds merely track a market index. While they have lower fees, they do not have the flexibility to adjust to market conditions. This lack of flexibility can be a disadvantage, especially when you need steady returns for regular withdrawals.

Given your need for regular income, actively managed funds would be a better option. They are more likely to deliver the consistent returns required for an SWP.

Importance of Regular Plans Over Direct Plans
Regular Plans: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) in regular plans can be beneficial. A CFP provides ongoing advice, helps in selecting the right funds, and offers support in managing your investments.

Direct Plans: While direct plans have lower fees, they do not come with the support of a financial advisor. This can be a disadvantage, especially in retirement when you need expert guidance to manage your investments effectively.

For a retiree, regular plans offer the added advantage of professional advice, which is crucial for maintaining financial security during your retirement years.

Setting Up SWP for Maximum Benefit
Withdrawal Amount: Decide on a reasonable withdrawal amount that covers your monthly expenses without exhausting your capital too quickly. It’s important to strike a balance between your withdrawal amount and the growth of your investment.

Frequency of Withdrawals: You can choose to withdraw monthly, quarterly, or annually, depending on your needs. Monthly withdrawals might be more convenient as they mirror the salary you used to receive, making it easier to manage your expenses.

Review and Adjust: Regularly review your SWP and overall investment portfolio. This ensures that your investment is still aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. You may need to adjust the withdrawal amount or switch funds if the performance of your current scheme changes.

Final Insights
Focus on Stability: At this stage in your life, the focus should be on capital preservation and steady income. Avoid high-risk investments and choose schemes that provide consistent returns.

Seek Professional Guidance: Consider working with a CFP to select the best actively managed funds for your SWP. They can help you navigate market fluctuations and make necessary adjustments to your investment.

Flexibility and Review: Stay flexible and open to reviewing your SWP. Adjust your withdrawals and investment choices based on your financial needs and market conditions.

Investing in the right scheme and setting up an SWP tailored to your needs will help you enjoy a stress-free retirement. Your hard-earned money deserves to be managed with care to provide you with a secure and comfortable future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2024

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Money
I am 65 and retired, want to invest 50L in SWP scheme with monthly withdrawal of 50k after one year of investing. Pl suggest good fund ????????
Ans: It's wonderful that you're considering investing in a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) to generate a steady income stream during your retirement years. Given your investment horizon and income requirement, it's essential to choose a fund that balances growth potential with stability.

For your SWP scheme, you may want to consider investing in a balanced or hybrid fund. These funds typically allocate a portion of their assets to equities for growth potential and the remainder to debt instruments for stability.

Balanced funds aim to provide a blend of capital appreciation and income generation by investing in a mix of equities and debt securities. They can be suitable for retirees looking for a steady income stream while also seeking potential growth opportunities.

When selecting a balanced fund, look for one with a consistent track record of performance, low expenses, and a seasoned fund manager. Additionally, consider the fund's asset allocation, risk profile, and investment strategy to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

It's crucial to review your investment periodically and make adjustments as needed to ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your income requirements and financial goals.

Before making any investment decisions, I highly recommend consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can assess your retirement needs and recommend a suitable SWP scheme tailored to your specific circumstances.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 27, 2024

Money
My father's is retiring next year in 2025 and would like to Invest Rs 50 Lakhs I I need to know best funds for SWP which would provide 20-25K monthly Income ?
Ans: Congratulations to your father on his upcoming retirement! It's wonderful that he is thinking about how to invest his Rs. 50 lakhs to generate a steady monthly income. Let’s explore the best options for setting up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) to provide a monthly income of Rs. 20,000-25,000.

Understanding SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan)
A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) is an excellent option for retirees. It allows regular withdrawals from a lump sum investment in mutual funds. This way, your father can receive a fixed amount monthly while keeping the rest of his money invested.

Benefits of SWP
Regular Income: SWP ensures a steady income stream, making it easier to manage monthly expenses. This is particularly beneficial during retirement when a consistent cash flow is essential.

Tax Efficiency: SWP can be more tax-efficient than traditional fixed deposits. Only the capital gains portion of the withdrawal is taxed, not the principal amount. This can lead to significant tax savings, especially over the long term.

Capital Appreciation: The remaining invested amount continues to grow, offering potential capital appreciation over time. This means your father's investment can keep pace with inflation and potentially increase in value.

Flexibility: SWP allows changes in withdrawal amounts and frequency based on financial needs. If your father's expenses increase or decrease, he can adjust the SWP accordingly.

Factors to Consider When Choosing Funds for SWP
Risk Tolerance
Your father's risk tolerance is crucial. Since he is retiring, preserving capital while generating income is vital. Balanced funds or conservative hybrid funds are ideal. They offer a mix of equity and debt, providing stability and growth potential.

Investment Horizon
Although your father needs regular income, the investment horizon should be long-term. This helps mitigate market volatility and maximizes returns. A mix of equity and debt ensures that the portfolio is not overly exposed to market risks.

Fund Performance
Choose funds with a consistent track record. Look for funds that have performed well over the last 5-10 years. Stability and reliability are key when selecting funds for retirement income. Past performance is not a guarantee of future returns, but it can indicate how the fund has managed market cycles.

Expense Ratio
Opt for funds with low expense ratios. High expense ratios can eat into returns, reducing the amount available for monthly withdrawals. A lower expense ratio means more of your money stays invested and working for you.

Professional Management
Actively managed funds are preferable. They are managed by experienced professionals who adjust the portfolio based on market conditions. This reduces risk and improves returns compared to index funds. Active management can provide the necessary expertise to navigate volatile markets and optimize returns.

Types of Funds Suitable for SWP
Balanced Funds
Balanced funds invest in a mix of equities and debt. They provide stability and growth, making them ideal for SWP. They aim to balance risk and return, which is crucial for retirees. By investing in both equities and debt, balanced funds can offer the potential for higher returns than pure debt funds while maintaining a lower risk profile than pure equity funds.

Conservative Hybrid Funds
These funds invest primarily in debt instruments and a smaller portion in equity. They offer stability with some growth potential. They are suitable for investors with a low risk appetite. The debt component provides steady income and preserves capital, while the equity component offers growth potential.

Equity Savings Funds
These funds invest in a mix of equity, debt, and arbitrage opportunities. They offer moderate risk and return. The debt component provides stability, while the equity component offers growth. Arbitrage opportunities help in reducing risk further and can provide consistent returns even in volatile markets.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs)
MIPs primarily invest in debt instruments and a small portion in equity. They aim to provide regular income while preserving capital. They are suitable for conservative investors. The primary goal of MIPs is to provide a steady income stream, making them ideal for retirees looking for regular income.

Setting Up the SWP
Calculating the Withdrawal Amount
To generate Rs. 20,000-25,000 monthly, the SWP should be set up based on expected returns. Assuming a conservative annual return of 8%, an SWP can be structured to withdraw around Rs. 20,000-25,000 monthly without depleting the capital too quickly. This calculation ensures that the withdrawals are sustainable over the long term.

Starting the SWP
Once the funds are selected, invest the Rs. 50 lakhs in these funds. Set up the SWP to withdraw the desired amount monthly. Regularly review and adjust the SWP based on fund performance and changing needs. It's important to start the SWP after understanding the withdrawal rate that ensures the capital lasts through the retirement period.

Tax Implications
SWP is tax-efficient. Only the capital gains portion of the withdrawal is taxed. Long-term capital gains from equity funds (held for more than a year) are taxed at 10% above Rs. 1 lakh per year. Short-term gains are taxed at 15%. Debt fund gains are taxed based on the holding period, with indexation benefits for long-term gains. Understanding the tax implications can help in effective planning and maximizing after-tax returns.

Monitoring and Adjusting the SWP
Regular Review
Regularly review the SWP and the performance of the funds. This ensures the strategy remains aligned with financial goals. Adjustments might be necessary based on market conditions and changing financial needs. Regular reviews help in ensuring that the withdrawals are sustainable and the investment continues to meet the income needs.

Rebalancing the Portfolio
Periodically rebalance the portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation. This ensures the portfolio remains aligned with risk tolerance and investment goals. Rebalancing helps in managing risk and ensuring that the investment strategy remains effective.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund separate from the SWP. This provides a buffer for unexpected expenses without disrupting the SWP. An emergency fund ensures that you don't have to withdraw more than planned from the SWP, preserving the capital for future needs.

Final Insights
Investing Rs. 50 lakhs through an SWP is a smart move for generating a steady monthly income for your father. By choosing the right mix of balanced, conservative hybrid, equity savings, and monthly income plans, he can achieve a stable income while preserving his capital. Regular reviews and adjustments will ensure the SWP remains effective and aligned with his financial goals.

Remember, it’s important to consult a certified financial planner for personalized advice. They can help tailor the SWP to your father’s specific needs and circumstances, ensuring a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

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Sir, I am retired person , I have sufficient saving in equity market and mutual fund , but i need continuous monthly income for that thinking for equity SWP after one year , which scheme in SWP is best on current scenario.
Ans: Sir, I appreciate your proactive approach to managing your post-retirement finances. You have a solid foundation with sufficient savings in the equity market and mutual funds. Now, you are looking for a steady monthly income, which is a prudent move.

Your focus on Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) is wise. SWPs offer regular income while keeping your investments intact, ensuring that you don’t have to liquidate your assets prematurely. This approach can help you manage your retirement expenses smoothly.

Evaluating SWP: A Strategic Approach
Before discussing specific SWP options, it’s important to understand the broader strategy. Your choice of SWP should align with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions. Let's assess these factors in detail.

Your Financial Goals
Monthly Income: You need a continuous, steady income to cover your living expenses. This income should be inflation-adjusted to maintain your purchasing power over time.

Capital Preservation: While generating income, it's vital to preserve your capital. You want your investments to last throughout your retirement years.

Growth Potential: Though you’re focused on income, growth remains important. A small portion of your portfolio should aim for capital appreciation to counter inflation.

Risk Tolerance
Moderate Risk: At this stage, your risk tolerance should be moderate. You can take some risk for higher returns but must avoid high-risk investments that could erode your capital.

Market Volatility: Given the current market scenario, it's important to select investments that can withstand volatility while still providing a steady income.

Market Conditions
Current Scenario: The market conditions can change rapidly. Therefore, flexibility in your SWP plan is essential. It’s important to choose funds that can adapt to changing market dynamics.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Given your goal of regular income, actively managed funds offer significant advantages over index funds or ETFs. Let’s explore why actively managed funds are more suitable for your needs.

Flexibility and Adaptability
Active Management: Actively managed funds are overseen by professional fund managers. These managers adjust the portfolio based on market conditions, aiming to maximise returns while minimising risk.

Better Downside Protection: During market downturns, actively managed funds can shift to safer assets, protecting your capital better than index funds.

Tailored Strategy
Income Focus: Actively managed funds can focus on generating regular income. They can invest in dividend-paying stocks or interest-bearing bonds, aligning with your need for a continuous income stream.

Customized Risk Management: These funds can be tailored to match your risk tolerance, offering a mix of equity and debt that suits your profile.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
Let’s also address why index funds or direct mutual funds may not be the best choice for your SWP strategy.

Lack of Flexibility in Index Funds
No Active Management: Index funds simply track a market index and do not offer active management. They cannot adapt to changing market conditions, which can be risky during downturns.

Market-Driven Returns: Your returns are directly tied to market performance. If the market declines, so do your returns, which can affect your SWP income.

Challenges with Direct Funds
Lack of Guidance: Direct funds do not involve the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). This means you’re on your own when it comes to selecting and managing your investments.

Inconsistent Performance: Without professional management, the risk of selecting underperforming funds increases. This can impact your overall returns and the sustainability of your SWP.

Choosing the Right SWP: Criteria to Consider
Selecting the right SWP involves more than just picking a scheme. It’s about ensuring that the fund aligns with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market outlook.

Fund Type and Objective
Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds are designed to balance risk and reward by dynamically adjusting their equity and debt allocations based on market conditions. They offer a good mix of stability and growth potential.

Hybrid Funds: These funds combine equity and debt, providing income through dividends and interest. They are less volatile than pure equity funds and can offer more stable returns for your SWP.

Performance Track Record
Consistency: Look for funds with a consistent performance track record over multiple market cycles. This indicates that the fund management team can navigate different market conditions effectively.

Risk-Adjusted Returns: Focus on funds that offer good risk-adjusted returns. This means they provide higher returns relative to the level of risk they take on.

Expense Ratio and Tax Efficiency
Lower Expense Ratio: Choose funds with a reasonable expense ratio. High expenses can eat into your returns, reducing the effectiveness of your SWP.

Tax Efficiency: Consider the tax implications of your SWP. Long-term capital gains from equity funds are taxed at 10% after Rs 1 lakh. Debt funds offer indexation benefits, making them more tax-efficient for long-term investments.

Setting Up Your SWP: Steps for Implementation
Once you’ve selected the right funds, setting up your SWP involves a few key steps. This ensures that you start receiving your monthly income smoothly.

Determine the Withdrawal Amount
Sustainable Withdrawal: Calculate the withdrawal amount that your portfolio can sustain. With Rs 60 lakhs, a withdrawal rate of 4-5% is generally considered safe. This translates to an SWP of around Rs 20,000 to Rs 25,000 per month initially, adjusting for inflation over time.

Inflation Adjustment: Plan to increase your SWP amount gradually to keep pace with inflation. This ensures that your purchasing power remains intact.

Monitor and Review Regularly
Annual Review: Review your SWP plan annually to ensure it remains aligned with your needs and market conditions. Adjust the withdrawal amount or switch funds if necessary.

Rebalance Portfolio: Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation. This helps manage risk and optimise returns.

Addressing Common Concerns: A Practical Perspective
It’s natural to have concerns about your SWP strategy. Let’s address some common ones to ensure you feel confident about your plan.

Market Volatility Impact
Short-Term Fluctuations: Market volatility is inevitable, but a well-chosen SWP can withstand short-term fluctuations. Funds with a balanced or hybrid approach provide a cushion during market downturns.

Long-Term Perspective: Keep a long-term perspective. While markets may be volatile in the short term, they generally trend upwards over the long run, supporting the sustainability of your SWP.

Running Out of Money
Sustainable Withdrawal Rate: Sticking to a sustainable withdrawal rate (4-5%) helps ensure that your portfolio lasts throughout your retirement. Avoid withdrawing too much too soon.

Growth Component: Including a growth component in your portfolio helps your capital grow over time, reducing the risk of running out of money.

Final Insights
Sir, setting up an SWP is a smart move for generating a steady monthly income during retirement. It allows you to enjoy the fruits of your investments without liquidating your entire portfolio.

Focus on choosing the right funds, considering actively managed options that align with your goals and risk tolerance. Avoid index funds and direct funds, as they may not offer the flexibility and professional management you need at this stage.

Regularly review and adjust your SWP plan to keep it aligned with your needs and the market conditions. By doing so, you can enjoy a comfortable and worry-free retirement with a reliable income stream.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Moneywize

Moneywize   |145 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi
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I am investing monthly around Rs 18,000 in MFs, as per the following: Canara Robeco Small capMF - Rs 4.5k, PGIM Mid Cap Opportunities - Rs 4.5k, Tata Digital - Rs 4.5k, Quant Active - Rs 4.5k. I am intending to increase monthly investment in MF from present Rs 18k to Rs 40k & needed a corpus of at least 1 cr in next 10 years. Can you check suggest if my portfolio needs any changes or the same appears to be in order?
Ans: To reach a corpus of Rs 1 crore in 10 years, you will need to invest in funds that generate around 10-12 per cent annual returns. Your current portfolio is diversified across small-cap, mid-cap, digital, and active funds, which can work well but also carries some volatility, especially in sectoral and small-cap/mid-cap funds.

Portfolio Review:

• Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund: Good for aggressive growth but highly volatile. Keep it if you're comfortable with higher risk.
• PGIM Mid Cap Opportunities Fund: Another growth-oriented fund with decent potential. It's good to have some exposure to mid-caps.
• Tata Digital Fund: Sectoral funds are risky because they are dependent on the sector's performance. Digital/technology funds can be volatile; consider reducing exposure here.
• Quant Active Fund: A multi-cap approach with flexibility across market caps. This fund provides balance and is good for diversification.

Suggestions:

• Increase Allocation to Large Cap/Index Funds: You may want to balance your portfolio with a large-cap or index fund like UTI Nifty 50 or Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund. Large-cap funds provide stability and reduce overall portfolio volatility.
• Reduce Sector-Specific Exposure: Consider trimming your allocation to Tata Digital Fund, as sectoral funds can face prolonged underperformance during sector downturns. You can reallocate this to a more diversified fund.
• Balanced Fund: Add a balanced or hybrid fund like HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund or ICICI Prudential Balanced Advantage Fund for better risk management while maintaining growth potential.
• Debt Component: To hedge against equity risk, consider adding a small portion to a short-term debt fund or gilt fund, which can provide stability during volatile periods.

Suggested Structure After Increase:

• Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund: Rs 6,000
• PGIM Mid Cap Opportunities Fund: Rs 6,000
• Quant Active Fund: Rs 6,000
• Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund: Rs 6,000
• HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund: Rs 6,000
• ICICI Prudential Multi Asset Fund: Rs 5,000
• UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund: Rs 5,000

This adjusted allocation will maintain growth potential while providing a cushion against volatility.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

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Relationship
I'm seeking guidance on improving my communication with my daughters. I want to create a more positive and supportive environment at home, especially when discussing their mistakes or weaknesses. Could you please share some strategies on how I can provide positive feedback and encouragement, even when addressing their mistakes? I aim to help them feel comfortable discussing their challenges without fear and to focus on turning negative thoughts into positive ones. Your advice on how to approach this in a friendly and constructive manner would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your support
Ans: It’s really commendable that you're seeking ways to improve communication with your daughters, especially when it comes to handling mistakes or weaknesses. The goal you're aiming for—creating a supportive environment where they feel safe to share their challenges—is a key part of nurturing a healthy and open relationship.

When addressing their mistakes, it’s important to remember that how they interpret your feedback can shape how they see themselves and their ability to handle difficulties. You want them to feel like they’re not being judged or criticized but instead being guided towards growth. One way to start is by focusing on empathy in your conversations. When they make a mistake, it’s natural to want to correct it quickly, but it can be more productive to begin by acknowledging how they might feel. This lets them know that you understand their experience, and that mistakes are part of life and learning. It shifts the focus from the mistake itself to their emotions, which builds trust.

Another aspect is how you frame the conversation. Instead of honing in on what went wrong, it’s helpful to highlight the effort they put in and the process they went through, even if the outcome wasn’t perfect. Letting them know that their effort is noticed and appreciated can boost their confidence. When they feel that their hard work is valued, they’re more likely to discuss their challenges openly, rather than feeling like they failed. If they feel supported during these moments, they will be more inclined to seek your guidance in the future without fearing a negative response.

Listening is another vital tool. When they make a mistake, resist the urge to immediately jump in with advice or corrections. Instead, ask them how they feel about what happened or what they think they could do differently next time. This not only gives them ownership of their problem-solving but also empowers them to reflect and learn from their experiences. Sometimes, when children are given the space to voice their thoughts, they can surprise you with their insights. And even if they don’t have an answer right away, they’ll appreciate being part of the conversation rather than being lectured.

It’s also important to be patient with progress. Instead of expecting a big shift in behavior or attitude overnight, focus on the small steps they take. Recognizing these smaller victories can go a long way in motivating them to keep improving, even when they stumble. They need to see that progress is more important than perfection, and your role is to guide them through the ups and downs without focusing too much on the final result.

Finally, your own approach to challenges and mistakes plays a big role in shaping how they will handle their own. When they see you approach difficulties with a positive mindset—whether it's a work challenge or a personal frustration—they’re learning that setbacks don’t define them. Modeling this kind of attitude will encourage them to talk about their own struggles more openly and with less fear of judgment.

In essence, the goal is to build trust and maintain a positive tone, even when discussing difficult topics. With this approach, your daughters will not only feel comfortable coming to you but will also develop a stronger sense of resilience in facing their own challenges. You’ll find that as they feel more supported, their confidence in addressing their weaknesses will naturally grow.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi
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Hi Kanchan, this query is regarding dealing with our teenage daughter (13 yrs). It is almost difficult to get her to do anything at home. She does not clean her room, take care of her share of chores. She is not dumb, but below average student in class. She used to go to guitar class and once faced stiff competition in her school , she is not participating in music competitions after that . Both me and my wife had been industrious and competitive students. We are ok with her not picking up studies, but what i don't see, is a spark to excel at anything. Her friends have passed French level 1 exams and even though she is learning for last 4 yrs, she doesn't appear for them. Everyday is escalating into huge arguments between her and my wife , with few broken items at home. As I mentioned studies excellence is not a concern, but we are unable to motivate her to put up a fight for the things she wants in life. She would come home from school and watch YT, reels, etc for hrs at stretch. Since we both husband wife are working, it is very difficult to monitor her all the time. We fear that she is already influencing our 9 yr old son , who is a discplined kid otherwise. We feel helpless most of the time, as she is not amending her ways. Please suggest what to do?
Ans: One of the things that might be happening here is that your daughter is at an age where identity and confidence issues often come to the forefront. At 13, she’s navigating a lot—social pressures, changing emotions, and maybe even a fear of not being able to meet the expectations of her parents, peers, or even herself. The fact that she stopped participating in music competitions after facing stiff competition might indicate she’s dealing with fear of failure or rejection. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but more that she may be afraid of not being good enough, and in response, she avoids trying at all.

Instead of pushing her to excel, the first step might be to understand what’s going on emotionally. Teenagers are notorious for shutting down or rebelling when they feel pressure, even if it’s unintentional. Try creating an environment where she feels safe to open up without fear of judgment or comparison to others. Sit down with her and have an open, calm conversation where you genuinely listen to her side. She might not know how to express her frustrations or fears, but giving her the space to talk could help her feel supported instead of criticized.

I understand your concern about her spending hours on YouTube or watching reels. This can be both a form of escapism and a way for her to feel connected to her peers. Rather than banning or limiting screen time strictly, which could create more conflict, try to understand what she’s watching and why she’s so drawn to it. Maybe this can lead to finding a common ground or encouraging her to pursue interests related to what she enjoys online, without the pressure of competition.

It’s also possible she’s feeling the weight of expectations, even if you don’t consciously put them on her. Sometimes just knowing that her parents were high achievers can make her feel like she’s falling short. Helping her feel that it’s okay not to have everything figured out yet might ease some of the pressure.

You’re also right to be concerned about her influence on your younger son. His more disciplined nature may make him vulnerable to picking up some of her habits. But rather than positioning them as opposites, encourage them both to find balance—showing her that discipline and effort don’t have to come with the weight of pressure might help her change her behavior, too.

The arguments with your wife and the escalation at home are clearly a sign that things are reaching a boiling point, but remember that this doesn’t mean she’s unreachable. This is a tough stage, but with patience, empathy, and a bit of flexibility in your approach, it’s possible to guide her without feeling like you’re losing control of the situation.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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HI, I am don't want to disclose name I am facing some mental issue from last two year. In March my father passed I have not good relation with my parent, because their exception are very high which is not possible for me to satisfied. So after my father my mother start daily fight with me for small small thing, my mother has long history of mental issue, and my father did not address that . Now she want to what she did with my father. Due to daily quarrel my daily day to activity got affected. I can’t concentrate on my self. My confidence is loosing. I want to be alone and in peace. I have loving wife and caring son, but still I feel lost. And after covid my office atmosphere also get dirty. My senior keep me irritating without any issue. I know my problem is my mother and second is my office boss. Is there is any way without leaving to them. Otherwise, I am determined to leave both of them and live my life peacefully. Please advice
Ans: First, regarding your mother, it’s crucial to establish boundaries. Her mental health struggles are serious, but they shouldn’t be allowed to overshadow your own well-being. It might be helpful to seek professional support for her, such as counseling or therapy. If she’s unwilling, then finding ways to distance yourself emotionally from her criticism is key. It's not easy, but learning not to absorb her negativity can help protect your mental health. You might also consider speaking to a counselor yourself to help you process these feelings and find strategies for coping with her behavior without having to completely sever ties.

As for your work situation, it sounds like the toxic environment is wearing you down. If leaving isn’t an immediate option, try to find small ways to shield yourself from the negativity. Can you limit your interactions with your senior or find ways to compartmentalize work stress so it doesn’t bleed into your personal life? Sometimes, focusing on things outside of work—hobbies, time with your wife and son—can provide a needed escape.

It sounds like you're craving solitude and peace, and while leaving both your mother and your job might seem like a solution, it may not be the only one. Start with small, manageable changes: establishing firmer boundaries with your mother, finding a counselor to talk to, and protecting your emotional space at work. These steps can help you regain control and give you the peace you're seeking without drastic decisions. Remember, you deserve that peace, and it’s possible to find it with the right support.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

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