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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir - I'm 35 years old with a monthly income of ~3 lakhs. My wife's income is ~90K per month, but she might resign very soon. We have a 5 year old male kid. Our home loan EMI is 61K with 8.9% SBI max gain and we are planning to pre-close by on/before March'2025. No EMI on car. We are potentially looking to have a corpus of 5 Cr minimum by the time I turn 50 to 52 years. The existing long term investment components are, 1. PPF - started last year for me & wife 25k per month. 2. PF - existing balance is 28L 3. MFs - started from Jan'2024. 60k per month. 20k quant flexi cap, 20k Nippon India multi cap. 20k HDFC multi cap. Planning to start 1 more SIP of 20k/30k through small cap after closing the HL. Am I in the right direction towards my goal? Or any corrections you suggest to achieve it.

Ans: You're taking commendable steps towards securing your family's future. Your disciplined approach with PPF, PF, and MF investments is a testament to your foresight. But have you factored in life's uncertainties and inflation? It's crucial to reassess periodically and diversify wisely. As your wife's income might change, ensure your investments can adapt. Also, while focusing on financial goals, cherish the journey and the moments with your loved ones. Remember, a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance to navigate these paths effectively. Keep moving forward with determination, and success will follow.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, I'm 43+, Monthly take home is around 3.20 Lacs, Currently i have invested in Shares (Current Portfolio is around 1.75 Crs). EMI is around 1.1 lacs P/m (Home loan 1 - 50K per month till 2037, 30K car loan till 2027 (Planning to close this year by paying 12 lacs, please suggest if this option of preclosure is good or EMI is good), 30k per month of home 2 till 2040., Recently i have started investing in SIP 1 lacs P/M, and balance 1.20 lacs goes in house, kids education expense. Have EPF balance of 40 lacs as on date. As mentioned above recently i have started investing in SIP (From Oct 2023 onwards), which is at the tune of 1 lacs per month. SIP are Franklin India Prima Fund regular Plan - Growth - 25K, ICICI Prudential Small cap fund retail plan G - 25K, Kotak Multicap fund regular plan growth - 15K, DSP Blackrock mid cap fund regular plan growth - 10 K, and Parag Parikh Flexi Cap fund - Regular plan growth - 25 K. Will increase the SIP investment by 10% every year going forward. Sir, My question is with current SIP investment will i be able to generate 8~10 Cr corpus fund by retirement (Assuming that i will be in Job and working for next 15 years). Current Share portfolio is for long term investment only (assuming i get 12~15% of return every year). Please note : will be spending around 80 lacs for my Son education in engineering from 2027 to 2031, 50% will be spend from savings and balance 50% from education loan.
Ans: It is commendable that you have a structured approach to your finances and investments. Let us delve into an in-depth analysis of your current financial situation and provide a detailed assessment of your future financial objectives, especially focusing on building a corpus of Rs 8-10 crores by retirement.

Current Financial Overview
Income and Expenses
Your current monthly take-home income is around Rs 3.20 lakhs. This is a healthy income, providing you with a good foundation to build your investments. With an EMI burden of Rs 1.1 lakhs per month, you have a significant portion of your income allocated towards debt repayment. It is essential to manage this debt efficiently to maximize your savings and investments.

Investment Portfolio
Your current investment portfolio is diversified across shares, SIPs, and EPF. Here is a quick breakdown:

Shares: Your long-term share portfolio is valued at Rs 1.75 crores.

SIPs: You have recently started SIPs of Rs 1 lakh per month across various funds. This is a positive step towards systematic investment.

EPF: Your EPF balance is Rs 40 lakhs as of now.

EMI Obligations
You have three major EMIs:

Home loan 1: Rs 50,000 per month till 2037
Car loan: Rs 30,000 per month till 2027 (with a plan to prepay Rs 12 lakhs)
Home loan 2: Rs 30,000 per month till 2040
Other Expenses
You have also accounted for household and educational expenses, which is Rs 1.20 lakhs per month. This ensures your family’s needs are met while you invest for the future.

Investment Strategy
SIP Investments
Your SIP investments are well diversified across different types of funds. This diversification helps in managing risks and achieving steady growth. Increasing SIP investments by 10% annually is a prudent strategy, ensuring that your investments grow with your income.

Long-term Share Investments
Assuming a 12-15% return per annum from your share investments, you are on a good path. Shares, being long-term investments, have the potential to provide significant returns, especially if chosen wisely.

EPF
Your EPF provides a secure and stable return, acting as a safety net for your retirement corpus. It is crucial to continue contributing to this fund as it offers tax benefits and compounded growth.

Debt Management
Prepaying Car Loan
Prepaying the car loan of Rs 12 lakhs can be a good decision. It will reduce your EMI burden by Rs 30,000 per month. With the car loan closed, you can redirect this amount towards your investments, accelerating your wealth creation.

Home Loans
Your home loans have a longer tenure, and given their current interest rates, it is advisable to continue with the EMIs. Home loans also provide tax benefits which should be considered.

Future Financial Goals
Retirement Corpus
To achieve a corpus of Rs 8-10 crores by the time you retire, it is crucial to stay disciplined with your investments. Assuming you continue working for the next 15 years, here are some key points to consider:

SIP Growth: Increasing your SIPs by 10% annually will significantly boost your corpus. Starting with Rs 1 lakh per month, your SIPs will grow to Rs 4.18 lakhs per month by the 15th year, assuming a 10% annual increment.

Compounded Growth: With an assumed annual return of 12%, your SIPs alone could potentially grow to Rs 5-6 crores in 15 years. Combined with your share portfolio and EPF, achieving an Rs 8-10 crores corpus is feasible.

Regular Review: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio. This ensures that your investments are aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Child’s Education
You have planned Rs 80 lakhs for your son’s education, with 50% from savings and 50% from an education loan. This is a balanced approach, ensuring that you do not deplete your savings entirely. Education loans also come with tax benefits on the interest paid.

Risk Management and Insurance
Adequate Insurance
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. This protects your family and finances in case of unforeseen events. Evaluate your existing policies and consider additional coverage if necessary.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6-12 months of your expenses. This provides a buffer against unexpected financial shocks.

Tax Planning
Optimize Deductions
Maximize your tax-saving investments under sections 80C, 80D, and other relevant sections. This reduces your tax liability and increases your investable surplus.

Long-term Capital Gains
Plan your withdrawals and investments to optimize long-term capital gains. This involves holding investments for the required duration to benefit from lower tax rates.

Final Insights
Your current financial strategy is robust and well-planned. With disciplined investment and regular reviews, you are on track to achieve your retirement corpus of Rs 8-10 crores. Here are some final suggestions to ensure continued success:

Stay Informed: Keep yourself updated with financial markets and investment opportunities.

Seek Professional Advice: Periodically consult with a Certified Financial Planner to review your strategy and make necessary adjustments.

Focus on Goals: Stay focused on your long-term goals, avoiding impulsive financial decisions.

Your dedication and planning are commendable. With continued discipline and smart financial management, you are well on your way to a secure and prosperous retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi Mam, I'm 43+, Monthly take home is around 3.20 Lacs, Currently i have invested in Shares (Current Portfolio is around 1.75 Crs). EMI is around 1.1 lacs P/m (Home loan 1 - 50K per month till 2037, 30K car loan till 2027 (Planning to close this year by paying 13 lacs, please suggest if this option of preclosure is good or EMI is good, will be paying this amount by selling some shares), 30k per month of home 2 till 2040., Recently i have started investing in SIP 1 lacs P/M, and balance 1.20 lacs goes in house, kids education expense. Have EPF balance of 40 lacs as on date. As mentioned above recently i have started investing in SIP (From Oct 2023 onwards), which is at the tune of 1 lacs per month. SIP are Franklin India Prima Fund regular Plan - Growth - 25K, ICICI Prudential Small cap fund retail plan G - 25K, Kotak Multicap fund regular plan growth - 15K, DSP Blackrock mid cap fund regular plan growth - 10 K, and Parag Parikh Flexi Cap fund - Regular plan growth - 25 K. Will increase the SIP investment by 10% every year going forward. Sir, My question is with current SIP investment will i be able to generate 10~12 Cr corpus fund by retirement (Assuming that i will be in Job and working for next 15 years). Current Share portfolio is for long term investment only (assuming i get 12~15% of return every year). Please note : will be spending around 1~1.5 cr for my Son education in engineering from 2027 to 2031, 50% will be spend from savings and balance 50% from education loan.
Ans: Financial Snapshot
Age: 43+
Monthly Take Home Salary: Rs 3.20 lakhs
Current Investment in Shares: Rs 1.75 crores
EMI Payments: Rs 1.1 lakhs per month
Home Loan 1: Rs 50,000 till 2037
Car Loan: Rs 30,000 till 2027 (planning to close this year)
Home Loan 2: Rs 30,000 till 2040
Monthly SIP Investment: Rs 1 lakh (started Oct 2023)
Monthly Household and Education Expenses: Rs 1.20 lakhs
EPF Balance: Rs 40 lakhs
Expected Expenses for Son's Education: Rs 1-1.5 crores (2027-2031)
Assessing Current Investments
Share Portfolio:

Value: Rs 1.75 crores
Assumed Annual Return: 12-15%
Long-term growth potential is strong. Continue holding for compounding benefits.
SIP Investments:

Started in Oct 2023
Current SIP of Rs 1 lakh per month in a diversified mix of funds
Analyzing Loan Preclosure Option
Car Loan Preclosure:

Current EMI: Rs 30,000 per month till 2027
Preclosure Amount: Rs 13 lakhs (consider selling some shares)
Pros of Preclosure:

Reduces monthly EMI burden
Saves interest costs
Cons of Preclosure:

Selling shares might impact portfolio growth
Evaluate if share sale aligns with long-term goals
Recommendation:

If interest rate on car loan is high, preclosure can be beneficial.
Ensure share sale does not significantly affect long-term portfolio growth.
Evaluating SIP Investments
Current SIP Allocation:

Franklin India Prima Fund: Rs 25,000
ICICI Prudential Small Cap Fund: Rs 25,000
Kotak Multicap Fund: Rs 15,000
DSP Blackrock Mid Cap Fund: Rs 10,000
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Rs 25,000
Plan to Increase SIP by 10% Annually:

This is a good strategy. It helps to combat inflation and increase your corpus over time.
Active vs. Index Funds:

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:
Potential to outperform market
Professional management
Disadvantages of Index Funds:
Passive tracking of the market
No chance to outperform during market rallies
Projected Retirement Corpus
Assumptions:

Monthly SIP: Rs 1 lakh (increasing by 10% annually)
Investment Horizon: 15 years
Average Annual Return: 12-15%
Projection:

Estimated Corpus at Retirement:
With a 12% annual return: Approximately Rs 10-12 crores
With a 15% annual return: Potentially higher than Rs 12 crores
Financial Planning for Son's Education
Expected Expenses:

Rs 1-1.5 crores over 4 years (2027-2031)
Plan to use 50% savings and 50% education loan
Recommendation:

Start a dedicated education fund
Consider balanced or hybrid funds for stability and growth
Ensure this fund aligns with the investment horizon and risk tolerance
Final Insights
Your current investment strategy is strong.
Increasing SIP contributions annually is a prudent move.
Evaluate the car loan preclosure option based on interest rates and long-term goals.
Maintain a diversified portfolio to balance risk and growth.
Regularly review your investments with a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.
By following these steps, you should be well-positioned to achieve a corpus of Rs 10-12 crores by retirement. Additionally, planning for your son's education expenses with a dedicated fund will ensure financial stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir, I (33yr) and my wife(30) are earning monthly salary as 3.5L.We are paying monthly 30K EMI for home loan with outstanding of 25L. We are investing below mf's with monthly 40K as SIP and will continue these investments next 10-15 years with annual 5% increase.Currently my portfolio value is 10L with 38% return(35.65% XIRR). And i have invested some amount in real-estate as well.The current market price of that investment is 1.25Cr. 1)Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth-5000 2)SBI Contra Direct Plan Growth-10000 3)Nippon India Small Cap-5000 4)Canara Robaco Small Cap-5000 5)Quant Small Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth-5000 6)Tata Digital India Direct Growth-10000 And my wife is investing monthly 15% of basic salary for ESOP in her company(US listed company). The market value of current stocks price is 25L. We have 1yr kid and will plan another one later.Our goal is to create good corpus fund(appx 5-10cr) to maintain kids education and retirement. Are we in current path to reach our goal or need to make any adjustments?
Ans: Financial Situation Overview

Your combined monthly income of Rs. 3.5 lakhs is impressive.
Home loan EMI of Rs. 30,000 with Rs. 25 lakhs outstanding is manageable.
Monthly SIP of Rs. 40,000 shows good commitment to investing.
Your diverse investment portfolio is praiseworthy.

Current Investment Analysis

Your mutual fund portfolio of Rs. 10 lakhs shows good growth.
The 38% return (35.65% XIRR) is excellent. Keep monitoring it.
Real estate investment of Rs. 1.25 crores adds to your wealth.
Your wife's ESOP worth Rs. 25 lakhs is a valuable asset.

Investment Strategy Evaluation

Your mix of flexi-cap, contra, and small-cap funds is well-diversified.
The technology sector fund adds a growth element to your portfolio.
Annual 5% increase in SIP is a good strategy for long-term growth.
Consider adding some mid-cap funds for better balance.

Risk Assessment

Your portfolio seems tilted towards high-risk small-cap funds.
The technology sector fund also carries higher risk.
Consider balancing with some large-cap or multi-cap funds.
Review your risk tolerance as you approach your goals.

Goal Analysis

Your goal of Rs. 5-10 crores for education and retirement is ambitious.
With your current savings rate, you're on a good path.
Consider increasing your investments as your income grows.
Factor in inflation when planning for long-term goals.

Asset Allocation

Your investments are heavily skewed towards equity.
Consider adding some debt funds for stability.
Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain desired asset allocation.
Don't forget to factor in your real estate investment.

Tax Planning

Ensure you're maximizing tax benefits under Section 80C.
Consider tax-efficient withdrawal strategies for the future.
Review the tax implications of your wife's ESOP regularly.

Insurance Planning

Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage.
Review your health insurance needs, especially with a growing family.
Consider disability insurance to protect your income.

Emergency Fund

Set aside 6-12 months of expenses in an easily accessible fund.
This will help you avoid disturbing your investments during emergencies.

Child Education Planning

Start a separate fund for your children's education.
Consider education-focused mutual funds for this purpose.
Factor in potential overseas education costs.

Retirement Planning

Your current investments will contribute significantly to retirement.
Consider starting a separate retirement-focused portfolio.
Review your retirement needs and adjust investments accordingly.

Finally

Your financial planning is on the right track. Keep it up!
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.
Stay disciplined with your investments, even during market fluctuations.
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |858 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 25, 2024Hindi
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"I am 39.7 years old and aiming for a corpus of ?5 crore. I have two daughters (9 and 3 years old), a term insurance of ?2 crore, helath insurance of 15 lacs and 3 lacs from company and two Sukanya accounts (?3.5 lakh and ?1.5 lakh). After a gap of 2-3 years due to loan liabilities, I resumed investments and have started a SIP of ?15,000 monthly, investing ?10,000-10000 monthly in Sukanya accounts, Total YTD in one account is 3.8lacs and 1.7lacs and running Jeevan Tarun LIC policies for both daughters (?2,052 investing from 8 years and ?2,450 investing from 2 years premiums for 20 years). I also have LIC policies for myself and my spouse, Max Life policy maturing in 2027, and invest in PPF and gold monthly. Am I on the right track to reach my financial goals, or should I adjust my investments?"
Ans: Hello;

You have adequate term life insurance plan (2 Cr).

Then it is not efficient to invest in additional endowment policies of life insurance (LIC Jeevan Tarun, individual LIC policies for yourself and spouse plus max life policy maturing in 2027) for the plain and simple reason that they yield a very poor return on your investment.

If at all you have to invest through insurance(after adequate term life insurance)then atleast go for ULIP plans with premiums adjusted in such a way that single policy premium does not exceed 2.5 L per year so that will ensure that you get exposure to equity asset class and also avoid paying capital gain tax thanks to provision of sec 10(10)D.

Another excellent option for retirement planning is NPS which enjoys E-E-E status.

Now coming to your investments, a sip of 15 K will yield you a sum of 1.72 Cr after 20 years (pure equity funds assumed yielding modest return of 13%)

SSY1 is expected to provide you a sum of 33 L

SSY2 is expected to provide you a sum of 59 L (7.75% aggregate return assumed)

PPF considering extended span of 20 years will yield you a sum of 66 L.(7.1% return considered)
This when added together will yield a corpus of 3.3 Cr.
Both Jeevan Tarun policies are expected to yield a cumulative sum of around 20 L, adding this to your corpus it comes to 3.5 Cr.
Add to this the maturity proceeds you are expected to receive from LIC policies for self, spouse, any EPF corpus and max life policy maturity value.
If this meets your target corpus needs then it is great else I recommend you to top-up the sip amount by 10-15% every year.

Buying gold systematically is fine but physical gold has security concerns hence it is better to invest in gold mutual funds/ETFs. (Allocation to gold as an asset class should not be more then 10-12% of your portfolio, apart from jewellery.

I am sure you are aware that you will also have to provide for higher education of your daughters.

If SSY is aimed to meet that requirement then retirement corpus will need to be revised.

Step up your health care cover to a minimum of 50 L, as you grow older.

Feel free to revert in case you have any further doubts/queries.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

Happy Investing!!

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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
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Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.

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My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |492 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |492 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |492 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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