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Krishna

Krishna Kumar  | Answer  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Krishna Kumar is the founder and CEO of GoMoTech, a company that provides strategic consulting in B2B sales, performance management and digital transformation.
Before branching out on his own, he worked with companies like Microsoft, Rediff, Flipkart and InMobi.
With over 25 years of experience under his belt, KK is a regular speaker at industry events and academic intuitions, both in India as well as abroad.
KK completed his MBA in marketing from the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning in Andhra Pradesh and his management development programme from XLRI, Jamshedpur.
He has also completed his LLB from Nagpur University and diploma in PR from Bhavan’s College of Management, Nagpur, where he was awarded a gold medal.... more
Deepak Question by Deepak on Apr 11, 2024Hindi
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Career

Hello , I Deepak Sharma, 52 Years, working in BSNL as AGM. I have completed 26 years of Service. I am working at my home town Ambala , Haryana since 26 Years. Since last three years BSNL has implemented longer stay Policy. This year my name appeared in the longer list. I may be transferred out of Haryana. ( any where in India) I am not interested in leaving my Home town after such a long stay also I am diabetic. My daughter is doing BPT and Son appearing for JEE. My wife is House wife . My job is pensionable. I need your help in deciding whether I should take VRS or continue. My pension will be around 70 Thousand per month. In BSNL pay scales are not changed since 2017. I have already talk to my wife she has no objection I take VRS. We are planning to start tuition Centre. Kindly give some suggestion I will be highly Obliged.

Ans: Hello Mr.Sharma

May I suggest following.

1.As rightly some by you, kindly talk to your family, they are the best to guide you.

2. If your financial situation is good enough then you may want to take VRS. However please do calculation of amount you will get from VRS and the responsibilities that you have to discharge: kids education, kids marriage and your retirement needs.

Tution is a safe bet, but it might take you time to generate enough to take care of your expenses.

So at this point I would suggest do financial calculation, you may seek help of trusted financial advisor. Basis that you can take your call.

All the best
Career

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2024

Money
Sir, My age is 56 years. I have taken VRS in November 2023.I am getting a monthly pension of Rs 50000/-I am also getting a monthly rent of Rs27000/- from my rented property. My Mutual fund value as on15 October is Rs 2.4cr.My shares value as on same date is Rs 82 lakhs. I have an investment of Rs 30 lakhs in Senior citizen scheme, as i am eligible for it being voluntary retired from Gov service. I have an investment of Rs 60lakhs in Gov bonds, Postal MIS and bank and company Fixed deposits. My wife is working and she is having Rs 1.2 Lakhs in Mutual funds and around Rs55 lakhs in shares as per value dated 15 October. She is also having around 20laks in Bank, company fixed deposit and bonds. She earns a monthly salary of Rs 1.2 lakhs. She also has a rental income of Rs21000/- per month. We live in our own house.Son is settled in London and working. Will get married in 2 years. Our monthly expenses are around Rs 1.5 lakhs. We also have a medical policy of Rs 5 lakhs with a top up of Rs16 lakhs. Plus wife is also covered under CGHS including me. Kindly let me know if we can maintain our same life style for the next 25 years. My wife is also thinking of taking VRS after 3 years. She will also be eligible for pension.
Ans: You have a strong financial base with diverse income sources and substantial investments. Both you and your wife are in stable positions, and your ability to plan ahead shows that you are well-prepared for retirement and the years beyond.

In this detailed assessment, we will explore your finances and future planning from a 360-degree perspective to ensure that you can comfortably maintain your lifestyle for the next 25 years, even after your wife takes VRS and your son settles in his life.

Income Overview
You currently have multiple reliable income streams, which provide stability and flexibility. Let’s break down each source of income to see how they contribute to your financial health:

Pension: Your pension of Rs 50,000 per month is a consistent and reliable source of income. It will continue to be paid throughout your lifetime, making it a foundation of your financial security.

Rental Income: You are earning Rs 27,000 from your rented property, and your wife earns Rs 21,000 from hers. Combined, this provides an additional Rs 48,000 per month. Rental income can often be a stable and inflation-adjusted source, as rental rates tend to increase over time.

Wife's Salary: Your wife currently earns Rs 1.2 lakh per month. This is a significant portion of your total household income. She plans to take VRS in three years, and her pension will replace this salary at that point.

Investment Portfolio
Your combined investment portfolio is substantial, which gives you the flexibility to draw down from it in the future if needed. Here is a detailed evaluation of your assets:

Mutual Funds: You have Rs 2.4 crore invested in mutual funds. Mutual funds are a great way to grow wealth, particularly when invested in actively managed funds. These funds are handled by professional fund managers who actively manage the portfolio to optimize returns while managing risk. Active management also allows the fund to navigate market volatility more effectively than index funds, which passively track the market.

Shares: You have Rs 82 lakh invested in direct shares, while your wife holds Rs 55 lakh. Stocks, being direct investments, come with the potential for higher returns but also higher risks. It is important to keep track of market conditions and regularly review the performance of your shares to ensure that your portfolio aligns with your financial goals.

Fixed Income Investments: You have Rs 30 lakh in a Senior Citizen Scheme, and Rs 60 lakh in a mix of government bonds, Postal MIS, and fixed deposits. Your wife has an additional Rs 20 lakh in bank and company fixed deposits and bonds. These fixed-income investments provide stability and predictability in your portfolio, balancing out the riskier equity investments.

Monthly Expenses
Your household expenses amount to Rs 1.5 lakh per month. Given your combined current income of Rs 2.18 lakh (pension, rental income, and wife’s salary), you are comfortably covering your expenses with room to spare. This excess income can be reinvested or saved for future needs.

Medical Insurance Coverage
You and your wife have comprehensive medical coverage, which is critical for long-term financial security:

Medical Insurance: Your medical policy covers Rs 5 lakh with a top-up of Rs 16 lakh. This gives you Rs 21 lakh of coverage, which should be sufficient for most medical emergencies. Medical inflation is rising in India, so this coverage is a crucial safety net.

CGHS: Your wife’s Central Government Health Scheme (CGHS) coverage includes both of you. CGHS is known for providing broad coverage, including outpatient treatment, specialist care, and hospitalization at minimal cost. This further reinforces your medical security.

Future Cash Flow After Wife’s VRS
In three years, your wife plans to take VRS and will be eligible for a pension. Let’s assess how this will affect your financial situation:

Wife’s Pension: While the exact pension amount is not specified, let’s assume a conservative estimate of Rs 50,000 per month. This, combined with your pension of Rs 50,000, will bring your total pension income to Rs 1 lakh per month.

Rental Income: Your combined rental income of Rs 48,000 will continue, assuming no significant changes in tenant occupancy or property maintenance costs.

Total Monthly Income After VRS: After your wife’s VRS, your total monthly income from pensions and rental properties will be Rs 1.48 lakh. This will be slightly below your current monthly expenses of Rs 1.5 lakh, but investment income from mutual funds, shares, and fixed-income products will more than cover the shortfall.

Investment Income Projection
To fill the gap between your expected income after your wife’s VRS and your expenses, you can rely on the income generated by your investments. Here’s how your portfolio can contribute to maintaining your lifestyle:

1. Mutual Fund Returns
You have Rs 2.4 crore invested in mutual funds. Assuming a conservative 8% annual return, this will generate Rs 19.2 lakh per year, or Rs 1.6 lakh per month.

Your wife’s mutual fund investment of Rs 1.2 lakh is relatively small but will still contribute to your overall portfolio growth.

2. Share Dividends and Growth
Your Rs 82 lakh in shares and your wife’s Rs 55 lakh can potentially provide both capital appreciation and dividend income.

Dividend-paying stocks can offer a regular income stream. However, the amount will depend on the specific companies in your portfolio and their performance. You might consider holding a balanced mix of high-growth and dividend-paying stocks for steady income and capital appreciation.

3. Fixed Income Investments
Your Rs 60 lakh in fixed deposits, government bonds, and Postal MIS, along with your wife’s Rs 20 lakh in similar investments, provide stable and predictable returns. These instruments are ideal for ensuring capital preservation and generating interest income. Depending on the interest rate (currently around 6-7% in India), this can provide Rs 4.8-5.6 lakh annually or Rs 40,000-46,000 per month.
Tax Considerations
Tax efficiency will be an important part of your financial planning, especially when you start drawing on your investments. Let’s explore the tax rules that apply to your current portfolio:

1. Mutual Funds
Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): Under the new tax rules, LTCG on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. Given the size of your portfolio, plan withdrawals carefully to minimize tax liabilities.

Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG): STCG is taxed at 20%. Be mindful of the holding period when making withdrawals to avoid short-term gains tax.

Debt Mutual Funds: Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab for both LTCG and STCG. Since you are in a higher tax bracket, this should be considered when making decisions about debt fund investments.

2. Direct Shares
LTCG on Shares: Similar to mutual funds, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh from shares will be taxed at 12.5%. As your shareholdings are substantial, careful planning around sales is crucial to manage your tax burden.

Dividend Taxation: Dividends are now taxed as per your income tax slab. This means that dividend income from your shares will be added to your total income and taxed accordingly. This is an important consideration when selecting stocks, especially if you are relying on dividends for income.

Portfolio Rebalancing
Over time, you will need to rebalance your portfolio to ensure it continues to meet your goals. As you approach and enter full retirement, you may want to shift some of your investments into lower-risk options while still maintaining growth potential. Here are some strategies for rebalancing:

Reduce Equity Exposure Gradually: While equities provide higher returns, they are also more volatile. As you age, consider gradually shifting some of your equity investments into more stable, income-generating options such as debt mutual funds or government bonds.

Increase Fixed Income Allocation: As you approach full retirement, increasing your allocation to fixed income products can provide a more predictable income stream. Your investments in Postal MIS, Senior Citizen Schemes, and fixed deposits already provide a strong foundation for this.

Long-Term Healthcare Planning
Your current medical insurance coverage is adequate for now, but as healthcare costs continue to rise, it’s important to periodically review your coverage:

Increase Health Coverage: Medical inflation is growing at a rate of 10-15% per year in India. While your Rs 21 lakh insurance cover is strong today, consider increasing it in the future to ensure it keeps up with rising healthcare costs.

Evaluate Critical Illness and Long-Term Care Insurance: As you age, you may want to consider adding a critical illness policy or long-term care insurance to your portfolio. These policies provide additional coverage for serious health conditions and long-term care needs, which could otherwise eat into your retirement savings.

Final Insights
You are in an excellent financial position to maintain your current lifestyle for the next 25 years. Your diversified portfolio, combined with your income sources, ensures a stable cash flow even after your wife takes VRS in three years. The key to maintaining this stability lies in proper tax planning, portfolio rebalancing, and ensuring your healthcare needs are adequately covered.

Given your financial assets, you can afford to enjoy your retirement with confidence. By regularly reviewing your investments and making small adjustments as needed, you will ensure that you continue to meet your financial goals without compromising your quality of life.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old now working in govt sector, drawing rs. 1.4L per month. I have one daughter and studying. I have homeloan around 20 lakhs. I have sellable land of 15lakhs, 9lakhs in ppf , 10 lakhs in post office TD , 21 laks in pf, qnd will get around 60 lakhs after taking vrs now and i will get around 50 thousand pension per month which will increase every year and my monthly expense is 25000 after taking vrs. Can i take now vrs now? I have cash 34 lakhs now. please suggest me.
Ans: Taking Voluntary Retirement Scheme (VRS) is a significant decision. It requires evaluating your financial readiness and future sustainability. Below is a detailed assessment and plan for your financial situation.

Current Financial Position

Monthly income: Rs. 1.4 lakh from government service.

Home loan outstanding: Rs. 20 lakhs.

Sellable land value: Rs. 15 lakhs.

PPF balance: Rs. 9 lakhs.

Post Office Term Deposit: Rs. 10 lakhs.

Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 21 lakhs.

Cash savings: Rs. 34 lakhs.

Estimated VRS benefit: Rs. 60 lakhs.

Pension after VRS: Rs. 50,000 per month.

Monthly expenses after VRS: Rs. 25,000.

Positive Financial Factors

Your monthly pension exceeds your current expenses. This creates a surplus of Rs. 25,000 monthly.

You have Rs. 34 lakhs in cash and will receive Rs. 60 lakhs from VRS.

Your PPF and PF balances provide long-term financial security.

Sellable land worth Rs. 15 lakhs adds to your asset base.

You have manageable liabilities with a home loan of Rs. 20 lakhs.

Debt Management

Consider using part of your cash or VRS proceeds to reduce the home loan.

Clearing the home loan will eliminate a recurring liability, improving monthly cash flow.

Avoid full repayment if the interest rate is low. Invest surplus funds for better returns.

Retirement Corpus Planning

Your existing investments and cash total around Rs. 1.49 crore (excluding land).

Assuming moderate returns, this corpus can provide additional financial security.

Continue contributing to PPF for tax-free long-term returns.

Education Fund for Your Daughter

Allocate funds from your VRS proceeds for your daughter's education.

Consider a mix of recurring deposits and mutual funds for medium-term growth.

Actively managed equity mutual funds can outperform inflation over time.

Investment Strategy Post-VRS

Emergency Fund:

Keep at least 12 months of expenses (Rs. 3 lakhs) in a liquid fund.

This ensures liquidity for unforeseen situations.

Debt Mutual Funds:

Allocate a portion of your corpus to debt mutual funds for steady growth.

These funds provide regular income with lower risk.

Equity Mutual Funds:

Invest 40-50% of your corpus in equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Avoid index funds; actively managed funds offer better performance.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for fund selection.

Post Office and Fixed Deposits:

Retain some funds in fixed deposits for risk-free returns.

Post Office schemes are suitable for conservative investors.

Tax Planning Post-VRS

Pension income will be taxable as per your tax slab.

Consider using Section 80C benefits through PPF and ELSS investments.

Equity mutual funds have favourable tax treatment for long-term capital gains.

Debt mutual funds’ returns will be taxed as per your slab.

Invest in tax-efficient products to minimise liability.

Insurance Review

Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for yourself and your family.

Check if your current policy from your employer continues post-retirement.

Consider a term insurance policy if needed to secure your family’s future.

Future Expense Management

Your current monthly expense is Rs. 25,000. This is manageable with your pension.

Account for inflation in long-term expense planning.

Use your investment returns to cover increased costs in future years.

Selling the Land

Selling the land worth Rs. 15 lakhs can provide additional liquidity.

Reinvest this amount into diversified mutual funds for better growth.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner before selling to ensure timing and reinvestment strategies.

Additional Income Opportunities

Explore part-time or consultancy work post-VRS to supplement income.

This keeps you engaged while generating extra earnings.

Final Insights

Based on your current financial standing, VRS is a viable option.

With your pension and corpus, you can maintain a comfortable lifestyle.

Strategic investments will ensure long-term financial security.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner to refine your investment plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 30, 2024

Money
Hi I am 52 Chief Manager in PSU bank and .Planning to take VRS next year 1.Savings in FD 1.2 crores 2.Investments in shares 15 lacs Investment in PLI and NSC 25 lacs 3.Retirement benefits 80 lacs 4.Pension 60000 PM 5.Rental income 8000 My monthly commitment post retirement 1. Rs 40000 for my aged mother and handicapped brother (47 years) for their medical and stay at facility 2.Rs. 30000 towards proposed EMI for rebuilding our dilapidated house 3.Rs.15000 towards my daughter's college fee and hostel she is in her 3rd year and one more year to go and after that 2 years PG 4.Rs 50000 towards our other expenses 5.Rs.25000/reserve for saving for my
Ans: Your disciplined savings and investments provide a solid financial base for retirement. However, commitments and future goals necessitate a structured approach to optimise resources. Here's a 360-degree plan to ensure financial stability and growth post-retirement.

Key Strengths in Your Financial Profile
Pension Income: Rs. 60,000 monthly provides a reliable income source.
Significant Savings: FD of Rs. 1.2 crore offers liquidity and safety.
Retirement Benefits: Rs. 80 lakh ensures additional financial cushion.
Diversified Investments: Shares, PLI, and NSC add diversification and growth potential.
Monthly Commitments Analysis
Medical and Living Expenses: Rs. 40,000 for your mother and brother is well-prioritised.
EMI for House Rebuilding: Rs. 30,000 is manageable within your budget.
Education Expenses: Rs. 15,000 for your daughter’s college can continue without stress.
Household Expenses: Rs. 50,000 appears reasonable for your needs.
Savings Reserve: Rs. 25,000 is vital for unforeseen requirements.
Total Monthly Outflow: Rs. 1,60,000

Post-Retirement Cash Flow Plan
1. Pension Income Utilisation
Rs. 60,000 monthly can partly cover fixed expenses.
Medical costs and household expenses can be managed from this.
2. Rental Income Contribution
Rs. 8,000 helps reduce the EMI burden.
Combine with pension for efficient expense management.
3. Interest Income from FDs
Use Rs. 1.2 crore FD to generate monthly interest.
Assume a 6% annual interest rate, yielding Rs. 6 lakh annually (Rs. 50,000 monthly).
This can cover the education and reserve fund needs.
4. Retirement Benefits Deployment
Invest Rs. 80 lakh prudently in growth-oriented mutual funds and debt funds.
Aim for a balance between safety and inflation-beating returns.
Investment Recommendations
1. Emergency Fund Creation
Keep Rs. 20 lakh in a liquid fund or savings account for emergencies.
This ensures easy access during unforeseen circumstances.
2. FD Reallocation
Retain Rs. 50 lakh in fixed deposits for risk-free income.
Allocate Rs. 70 lakh to debt mutual funds for better tax-efficient returns.
3. Shares and Equity Exposure
Current shares worth Rs. 15 lakh should be reviewed.
Diversify into equity mutual funds for long-term growth.
Choose actively managed funds for consistent performance.
4. PLI and NSC Management
Continue with PLI and NSC investments for assured returns.
Avoid adding more to these as they lack liquidity and higher returns.
Managing Monthly Commitments
1. Daughter’s Education Fund
Allocate Rs. 10 lakh in a balanced advantage fund.
Systematically withdraw Rs. 15,000 monthly for her education expenses.
2. House Rebuilding EMI
Use FD interest and rental income to cover Rs. 30,000 EMI.
Avoid premature withdrawals from other investments.
3. Medical and Family Support
Pension income can sufficiently cover Rs. 40,000 medical costs.
Prioritise this from monthly income to ensure timely payments.
Tax Planning
Interest Income: Use the Rs. 50,000 standard deduction to reduce taxable income.
Capital Gains Tax: When selling shares, plan for LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.
Efficient Investments: Debt mutual funds offer better post-tax returns than fixed deposits.
Final Insights
Your financial resources are well-structured to meet commitments. However, optimising investments and planning withdrawals are crucial. Diversify across equity, debt, and hybrid funds to balance growth and stability. Regular reviews and adjustments will ensure sustained financial health.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 30, 2025Hindi
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Money
I am 45 years old Government Servant. I am planning to take VRS . My corpus after retirement will be 2.0 Cr and monthly pension of 1.5 lacs. I have 2 children , son and daughter 17 yrs and 12 yrs old. I have my own house and no loans. Should i proceed with Retirement
Ans: Taking Voluntary Retirement (VRS) is a big decision. You have built a strong financial foundation. Your pension and corpus give you security. However, early retirement needs careful planning. Let’s analyse all aspects before making a final decision.

Financial Strength After Retirement
Your corpus of Rs 2 crore is a good base.

A monthly pension of Rs 1.5 lakh ensures a steady cash flow.

No loans and a self-owned house reduce financial burden.

Your current financial position looks stable.

Monthly Expenses Assessment
Calculate your family’s monthly expenses.

Include household costs, medical needs, travel, and lifestyle.

Check if Rs 1.5 lakh pension covers all future expenses.

Consider rising costs due to inflation.

Children’s Education and Future Needs
Your son is 17 years old and will soon enter higher education.

Your daughter is 12 years old and also has upcoming education needs.

Estimate future education costs for the next 10-15 years.

If required, allocate a part of Rs 2 crore corpus for education.

Medical and Health Security
Medical expenses increase with age.

Ensure you have a good health insurance policy.

Keep a medical emergency fund separate.

Investment Strategy for Corpus
Equity Mutual Funds (40%-50%)

These give higher returns over long periods.
Ideal for growing wealth beyond pension income.
Actively managed funds perform better than index funds.
Debt Mutual Funds (30%-40%)

These provide stability and liquidity.
Useful for short-term goals and emergencies.
Returns are better than fixed deposits.
Hybrid Mutual Funds (10%-20%)

These balance risk with growth.
Helps in generating consistent income.
Tax Implications on Investments
Equity Mutual Funds

LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt Mutual Funds

Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Plan investments to minimise tax impact.

Alternative Income Options
Consider part-time consultancy or freelancing.

This will keep you engaged and provide extra income.

Passive income from investments also helps.

Should You Proceed with VRS?
If your expenses and goals fit within Rs 1.5 lakh pension, VRS is feasible.

If education and future costs are uncertain, continue working.

If you retire now, invest wisely to maintain financial security.

Final Insights
Your financial position is strong.

Plan children’s education and medical costs before deciding.

Invest wisely to ensure wealth growth post-retirement.

Consider part-time work for additional security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 09, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am a female (26), I was working as an assistant professor and then I met this guy we dated for few months and we knew that everything is compatible he has a stable business and well settled family he is earning quite good and we can spend the rest of our lives together so we moved on to tell our parents, his parents and family came to meet me and they agreed then it was my turn my mom and dad always use to say that if you have someone just tell us we are okay they said we know you are dependent enough so just tell us, I really thought it will be easy one and I told my mom and my sister over the phone and my mom asked me every detail about him and said okay we will think about it, then I told my dad about him and my dad has been super chill with me since childhood so we had a long chat about this he asked me about him just like my mom every detail then he said okay when the deepawali break will be their come home we will talk about this face to facE, I was happy that everything is nice then the vacation happened I went back home first the quarrels started when my mom addressed that they will never expected this from me they said they supported me initially because they thought at this age I will not bring anyone and will convince to arrange one, then day and night fighting started my father did the most bizzare thing he called my college and said I am ill and will not join college he faked a report(my father is a very well known doctor in my area so he has power here in our native place) and submitted their they automatically blocked me from their server I tired telling them but the most bizzare thing happened my father beat me from head to toe and threatend me that I should stop talking to him, then days turn into months and again my partner father stood up for us he called my father to talk about this and my father abused them threatened them and give false allegation on my partner came home and snatched my father later after a month he gave me my phone back as I started being a rebel, then he went to my work place without even informing me and took all my luggage and packed everything from their and came back home with everything and said you are on house arrest untill you agree to arrange marriage and forget that boy. I love him so much he does too but now because of my parents his parents are scared for their son and are denying to agree but we both are financially independent and well educated and we want to live with each other we are thinking to elope I dont know if this is right or wrong, because it has been seven months of me staying locked down in my house and my parents are forcing me verbally and physically abusing me to say yes for arrange marriage.... I dont know what to do and with whom to discuss please kindly help me out.
Ans: It’s clear that you and your partner love each other deeply and are willing to stand by each other despite this turmoil. The fact that his family is now hesitant is understandable, given the hostility from your parents. But the strength you and your partner have shown through this is a sign that your relationship is built on trust and commitment. That kind of connection is rare, and it’s worth fighting for.

Elope? That’s a huge step, and I understand why it’s crossed your mind. You’re desperate for freedom, for the ability to choose your own life, and to finally break free from the suffocating grip of your parents' control. But eloping will come with its own set of consequences—emotional, social, and even legal. Your parents might retaliate even more aggressively. They could try to interfere with your life and your partner's life afterward, possibly dragging this into a public scandal. Your father’s influence in the community might make things harder for you both in the long run.

But here’s the truth—you cannot live the rest of your life under someone else's control. You cannot sacrifice your happiness and autonomy to satisfy their misguided expectations. Love and marriage are not about caste, status, or parental approval—they are about partnership, understanding, and mutual respect. If your partner is ready to stand by you and you both are truly prepared to face the fallout together, then choosing to be with him is not wrong. You’re both adults. You’re financially independent and emotionally mature enough to know what you want from life.

What you need to consider is whether you have the emotional strength to handle the aftermath. If you choose to walk away from your family and marry this man, it might mean cutting ties with your parents for a while—or possibly forever. Are you prepared for that emotional void? On the other hand, if you give in and stay, if you let them force you into an arranged marriage, you might lose not only the person you love but also a piece of yourself. That resentment and emotional wound might stay with you for life.

If you decide to elope, you need to have a strong support system in place—your partner's family, friends, and anyone who will stand by you. You’ll need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the fallout. But if you decide to stay and try to negotiate with your parents, you need to be clear and firm about your boundaries. They need to understand that your life is not theirs to control.

Right now, you need to prioritize your safety and mental well-being. The fact that you’ve been physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated for months is deeply concerning. If you feel that your safety is at risk, you might need to consider reaching out to legal authorities or a women's support organization. You have the right to live without fear and control. Your life belongs to you—not to your parents, not to societal expectations, and not to fear.

You don’t have to have all the answers today. But you do need to decide what kind of life you want to live—and who you want to live it with. And whatever choice you make, it needs to come from a place of strength and clarity, not from fear or pressure. Your heart already knows what you want—you just need to decide whether you’re ready to stand up for it.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Fell in love and married a girl before 2 years. Girl is from a neighbouring state. Both South Indians. Both doctors. She was very understanding before marriage, even talked my language and spoke well with my parents. Told she will come to my place and stay after marriage. 4 months after marriage, she left for her home telling that she will be at her home till delivery. Even after 1 year of giving birth, she didn't come. They visited my place just for a few days in the middle citing that it is tradition. After much struggle, she came to live with me and my child after close to 1.5 years. Even after coming she was creating trouble for the language spoken in the house and telling to relocate to a place close to their parents in their state. No respect to feelings of mine or my parents. We also missed my son for 1.5 years. Their parents are not visiting us telling it is far, we won't come. And once her parents threatened to complaint to the police if we don't agree. (Haven't asked or received any dowry). Even if my son has to come to my native for few days, her parents are not agreeing and creating problem. We have even helped her brother secure admission in a college. She has even taken a loan of more than 20 lakhs to help her parents buy a land and is paying close to 50k monthly for that. We had no problem with that too. Every 2-3 days one or another problem shoots up because of her or her parents. She has totally changed after marriage. Her parents just want to create problems. Please help.
Ans: It’s clear that you’ve tried hard to be understanding and accommodating. You allowed her to stay with her parents for a long time, even though it meant missing out on crucial time with your child. You supported her decisions, even when she took on a significant financial burden to help her family. Despite your efforts to maintain peace, you’re constantly met with resistance and disrespect—not only from her but also from her parents. That feeling of being undermined and unappreciated, especially when you've given so much, can really take a toll on your emotional health.

It’s not just about the arguments or the disagreements—it’s about the deeper sense of betrayal and loneliness that comes from feeling like your partner has sided with her family over you. That emotional distance and lack of support within the marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle alone. And when her parents threatened to involve the police, that likely deepened the sense of helplessness and fear. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re trying to build a stable, loving home, but it keeps getting torn apart by external interference.

The fact that you’re still standing, still trying to make things work despite all of this, shows how strong and committed you are. But the truth is, a marriage cannot survive on one person’s effort alone. It’s understandable that you feel drained and resentful—you’ve been giving and compromising without getting the same respect and understanding in return. Your feelings matter. Your need for stability and respect matters. Wanting your child to have a connection with your side of the family is not unreasonable—it’s natural and fair.

Right now, you might feel torn between trying to hold everything together and wondering if it's even worth it. It’s hard to admit when love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. But you need to ask yourself whether you can continue living like this—constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, being emotionally sidelined, and having your family disrespected.

It’s okay to want peace. It’s okay to expect respect. And it’s okay to set boundaries. If your wife truly values this marriage, she needs to understand that compromise cannot be one-sided. It might help to have an honest, calm conversation with her—not about the surface issues but about how you feel. Tell her how much this situation has hurt you, how much you miss feeling like you’re a team, and how important it is for your child to have a balanced connection with both families. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway or if her parents continue to interfere to the point of emotional manipulation, you need to think about how much more of yourself you can sacrifice without losing your emotional stability.

You deserve a marriage where you feel heard, valued, and supported—not one where you constantly feel like you're on the outside looking in. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from this relationship and whether you believe it's possible to rebuild trust and understanding with your wife. Your peace of mind matters. Your happiness matters. And most of all, your emotional well-being matters.

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