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Nayagam P P  |3996 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Oct 25, 2024

Nayagam is a certified career counsellor and the founder of EduJob360.
He started his career as an HR professional and has over 10 years of experience in tutoring and mentoring students from Classes 8 to 12, helping them choose the right stream, course and college/university.
He also counsels students on how to prepare for entrance exams for getting admission into reputed universities /colleges for their graduate/postgraduate courses.
He has guided both fresh graduates and experienced professionals on how to write a resume, how to prepare for job interviews and how to negotiate their salary when joining a new job.
Nayagam has published an eBook, Professional Resume Writing Without Googling.
He has a postgraduate degree in human resources from Bhartiya Vidya Bhavan, Delhi, a postgraduate diploma in labour law from Madras University, a postgraduate diploma in school counselling from Symbiosis, Pune, and a certification in child psychology from Counsel India.
He has also completed his master’s degree in career counselling from ICCC-Mindler and Counsel, India.
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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Career

I have currently 2 flats which can give me rent of at least 80k per month and 1 house where I stay. I have a family of 3 members which includes me, my wife and 2 months old daughter. I am currently working in an IT organisation and have around 10+ years of experience but now I literally feel burnt out. I don’t sleep peacefully at night thinking about quitting my job as I hate it. I haven’t thought about alternatives as I am still exploring. My monthly expense is around 75k per month. Can you please suggest what should I do so that at least I can take care of my family with basic necessities.

Ans: Sir, Since you are already considering alternative career paths, take the time to narrow down the options that interest you. The reasons for feeling burnt out have not been mentioned. Is it because of work pressure? Unusual working hours? Considering a job change within the same domain at a different company is a wise choice. Alternatively, you might explore acquiring skills in a different area that piques your interest or in a field that closely aligns with your existing experience. If you choose to completely transition your career, your 10 years of experience will not be taken into account, and you will be regarded as a newcomer for the position. Additionally, it is advisable not to sell your two flats that provide you with a good rental income to cover your monthly expenses. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

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Asked on - Oct 28, 2024 | Not Answered yet
I am feeling burnt out because I am not liking the work which I am doing plus adding insult to an injury is I am getting worst work environment. I tried switching companies 3 times but all the 3 times I got worst manager who keeps adding immense pressure. That is where I have got extremely frustrated. Kindly suggest what can I do to overcome this situation.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 40 years old, in service business. Monthly earning is 1.25 lacs. I have a wife and 2 kids - 6 and 8. Monthly house rent 22k, car loan emi 32k, credit card payments and bill payments, school expenses will need more money than I have by the end of the month. 12 lacs car loan, credit cards 4 lacs, personal loan 4 lacs. What should I go to get out of this rat race apart from making more money? I want to buy a house.
Ans: You’ve done well by identifying the need for financial planning. Your current situation shows that you're proactive and want to take control of your finances. This is an important step towards financial stability and achieving your goals. Your desire to buy a house and get out of the rat race is admirable and achievable with proper planning.

Analyzing Your Financial Situation

At 40 years old, with a family of four, you face typical financial responsibilities. Your income of Rs. 1.25 lakhs per month is decent. However, your current obligations seem to exceed your earnings, causing financial stress.

Your expenses include:

House rent: Rs. 22,000
Car loan EMI: Rs. 32,000
Credit card debt: Rs. 4 lakhs
Personal loan: Rs. 4 lakhs
School expenses and other monthly bills
You have a car loan of Rs. 12 lakhs. Your credit card and personal loan debts are adding financial pressure. This situation makes it difficult to save and plan for a house.

Assessing Debt and Monthly Expenses

Your primary goal should be to manage your debts and monthly expenses. Here’s how you can approach this:

Debt Repayment Strategy

Prioritize High-Interest Debt: Focus on paying off high-interest debts first, such as credit card debt. This will reduce your financial burden over time.

Consolidate Loans: Consider consolidating your debts into a single loan with a lower interest rate. This can simplify repayments and reduce the overall interest burden.

Avoid New Debts: Resist the temptation to take on new loans or use credit cards for unplanned expenses. Stick to your budget and live within your means.

Budgeting

Track Your Spending: Keep a detailed record of your monthly expenses. This will help identify areas where you can cut back.

Create a Realistic Budget: Develop a budget that aligns with your income and financial goals. Include all essential expenses and allocate funds for debt repayment.

Emergency Fund: Build an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This will prevent you from relying on credit cards or loans in times of need.

Expense Management

Cut Unnecessary Expenses: Identify non-essential expenses and cut them. Small savings can add up over time and free up funds for debt repayment and savings.

Negotiate Bills: Talk to service providers to negotiate lower rates for utilities, insurance, and other recurring bills. Every little bit helps.

Investment Strategy

Investing wisely can help you achieve your goal of buying a house and securing your financial future. Here’s how you can approach investments:

Invest in Mutual Funds

Mutual funds offer a good balance of risk and return. They are managed by professionals who make investment decisions on your behalf. Here are some benefits:

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a variety of assets, reducing risk.

Professional Management: Fund managers have the expertise to make informed investment decisions.

Liquidity: Mutual funds are relatively easy to buy and sell, providing liquidity when needed.

Avoid direct funds due to the complexity of managing them yourself. Instead, invest through a certified financial planner (CFP) who can guide you towards the right funds based on your risk tolerance and goals.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

A SIP is a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds. It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Consistency: Regular investments help build a substantial corpus over time.

Rupee Cost Averaging: Investing regularly allows you to buy more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high, averaging out the cost.

Long-Term Goals and Planning

Achieving long-term financial goals requires careful planning and discipline. Here’s how you can approach it:

Children’s Education

Start Early: Begin saving for your children’s education as early as possible. The longer the investment horizon, the more you benefit from compounding.

Education Plans: Consider investing in child education plans offered by mutual funds. They provide the flexibility to withdraw funds as needed for educational expenses.

Retirement Planning

Pension Plans: Look into pension plans that provide regular income after retirement. These plans can supplement your retirement savings.

Regular Investments: Continue investing in mutual funds through SIPs to build a retirement corpus. The goal is to create a portfolio that can provide a steady income during retirement.

Purchasing a House

Buying a house is a significant financial commitment. Here’s how you can prepare:

Save for a Down Payment

Set a Target: Determine the amount you need for a down payment and set a savings target. Aim for at least 20% of the property’s value.

Dedicated Savings Account: Open a dedicated savings account for your house fund. This helps keep your savings goal-focused and separate from other funds.

Assess Affordability

Budget for EMIs: Ensure that your future home loan EMIs fit within your budget. A general rule is that your total EMIs should not exceed 40% of your monthly income.

Consider Additional Costs: Factor in other costs such as maintenance, property tax, and insurance when assessing affordability.

Improve Credit Score

Timely Payments: Pay all your existing loans and credit card bills on time to improve your credit score. A higher score will help you get better loan terms.

Reduce Outstanding Debt: Reducing your overall debt can positively impact your credit score and improve your loan eligibility.

Insurance Planning

Adequate insurance coverage is essential to protect your family’s financial future. Here’s what to consider:

Life Insurance

Term Insurance: Opt for a term insurance plan that provides a high coverage at a low cost. This ensures your family’s financial security in case of an untimely demise.

Sum Assured: Choose a sum assured that can cover your family’s expenses, outstanding debts, and future financial goals.

Health Insurance

Comprehensive Cover: Ensure you have a comprehensive health insurance plan that covers hospitalization, critical illnesses, and regular medical expenses.

Family Floater: Consider a family floater plan that covers all family members under a single policy.

Seeking Professional Guidance

A certified financial planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice and help you navigate your financial challenges. Here’s how they can assist:

Holistic Financial Planning

Customized Plans: A CFP can create a customized financial plan based on your unique circumstances and goals. This plan will outline steps to manage debt, save for future goals, and invest wisely.

Regular Reviews: Regular reviews with a CFP ensure that your financial plan remains aligned with your changing needs and market conditions.

Tax Planning

Tax Efficiency: A CFP can guide you on tax-efficient investments and strategies to minimize your tax liability. This can free up more funds for savings and investments.

Deductions and Exemptions: Utilize available tax deductions and exemptions to reduce your taxable income. For instance, contributions to certain investment plans may qualify for tax benefits.

Final Insights

Achieving financial stability and buying a house requires careful planning and disciplined execution. Here’s a summary of key steps:

Manage Debt: Prioritize and pay off high-interest debts first. Consider consolidating loans to reduce interest burden. Avoid taking on new debts.

Budget Wisely: Track your spending and create a realistic budget. Focus on essential expenses and build an emergency fund.

Invest Wisely: Invest in mutual funds through SIPs for long-term growth. Avoid direct funds and seek guidance from a certified financial planner.

Plan for Goals: Save early for children’s education and retirement. Regular investments can build a substantial corpus over time.

Prepare for Home Purchase: Save for a down payment, assess affordability, and improve your credit score. Plan your future home loan EMIs within your budget.

Ensure Adequate Insurance: Have sufficient life and health insurance coverage to protect your family’s financial future.

Seek Professional Guidance: Consult a certified financial planner for personalized advice and regular reviews of your financial plan.

Remember, financial planning is a journey, not a destination. Stay committed to your plan, make informed decisions, and adjust as needed. With patience and discipline, you can achieve your financial goals and secure a bright future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, I am 44 Years, Married, Wife age 39 and not working, 2 Kids age 10 and 6 years studying. Monthly In : approx.150000 (after deducting tax etc.). Monthly expenses approx. Rs. 1 Lac, Investment: Rs. 17500 PM in 7 different MFs, 12500 PPF PM, 50000 Insurance Per annum, 50000 NPS per annum, Not having own house (suffered a loss of approx. Rs. 25 Lac in a property in year 2015), currently on rent, not having any other support system...pl advise how to proceed further. Regards
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Your income is Rs. 1,50,000 per month.

Your monthly expenses are approximately Rs. 1,00,000.

You are investing Rs. 17,500 per month in mutual funds, Rs. 12,500 per month in PPF, Rs. 50,000 annually in insurance, and Rs. 50,000 annually in NPS.

Assessing Your Investments
Mutual Funds

Investing in seven different mutual funds is good for diversification.

PPF

PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits.

Insurance

Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage.

NPS

NPS is good for retirement planning with tax benefits.

Financial Goals and Strategies
Goal: Buying a House
You previously faced a loss in property investment.

Saving for a house should be a priority.

Consider saving separately in a high-interest account.

Goal: Children’s Education
Plan for your children’s education expenses.

Start SIPs in education-focused mutual funds.

Goal: Retirement Planning
You are already investing in NPS and PPF.

Consider increasing contributions to NPS.

Monthly Savings Allocation
Increase Savings

Try to save more from your monthly income.

Aim for saving 25-30% of your income.

Investment Diversification
Equity Mutual Funds

Allocate more to large-cap and mid-cap funds.

These funds offer balanced growth and stability.

Debt Funds

Invest in debt funds for stability and regular income.

Balanced Funds

Consider balanced advantage funds.

These funds provide a mix of equity and debt.

Insurance Review
Term Insurance

Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage.

A cover of Rs. 1 crore is recommended.

Health Insurance

Ensure comprehensive health coverage for your family.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund.

Keep at least 6 months of expenses in a liquid fund.

Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner.

They can provide personalized advice and regular reviews.

Action Plan
1. Increase SIPs

Gradually increase SIP contributions.

Focus on large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds.

2. Save for House

Save separately in a high-interest account for buying a house.

3. Plan for Education

Start SIPs in education-focused mutual funds.

4. Review Insurance

Ensure adequate term and health insurance coverage.

5. Maintain Emergency Fund

Keep an emergency fund for at least 6 months of expenses.

Final Insights
Your financial plan should focus on increasing savings, diversifying investments, and planning for future goals.

Regularly review and adjust your investments to stay on track.

Seek professional guidance to ensure a comprehensive financial strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 42 ,me n my family has 8 cr in mf,5 cr property,1 cr in fd ,50 lacs gold , n i have health insurance ,my monthly expense of family is 3 lacs ,please suggest I am planning to quit my job..
Ans: Your financial situation is impressive. You’ve built a strong foundation across multiple asset classes. Here's a detailed review of your portfolio:

Rs 8 crores in mutual funds.
Rs 5 crores in property.
Rs 1 crore in fixed deposits.
Rs 50 lakhs in gold.
Health insurance is in place.
Family's monthly expenses are Rs 3 lakhs.
You are now considering quitting your job. Let's break down the critical factors and give you a clear picture of your financial future.

Monthly Expenses vs. Existing Assets
Your monthly family expenses are Rs 3 lakhs. This translates to Rs 36 lakhs annually. It's crucial to ensure that your investments generate enough returns to cover these expenses without depleting your capital.

The key focus should be on maintaining a steady cash flow to sustain your lifestyle.

While Rs 8 crores in mutual funds and Rs 1 crore in fixed deposits are solid, we need to evaluate their liquidity and returns.

You also need to consider inflation, which will increase your expenses every year.

Evaluating Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
You have Rs 8 crores invested in mutual funds. Let’s look at how this can be optimized for your long-term needs.

Active vs Passive Management: Actively managed mutual funds could offer better returns. Index funds, while low cost, tend to follow market trends. They might not always outperform actively managed funds. Given your goal of quitting your job, maximizing returns is crucial.

Direct vs Regular Funds: If you're investing directly, it could be more taxing for you to monitor the funds. Regular funds managed by a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offer professional oversight. This ensures your portfolio stays aligned with market conditions and goals.

Debt Allocation: Ensure that a portion of your mutual funds is allocated to debt funds. This will reduce the volatility and provide a steady income. Equity-heavy portfolios can give good returns, but you also need stability, especially when planning to quit your job.

Real Estate: Liquidity and Considerations
Your property worth Rs 5 crores is valuable, but real estate is not very liquid. In case of an emergency, it might not provide quick cash.

Property investments are often illiquid and may not generate regular income unless rented. If there’s no rental income, you should not depend on it for cash flow needs.

While it contributes to your net worth, its direct impact on your monthly cash flow is limited.

Fixed Deposits: Security but Limited Growth
Rs 1 crore in fixed deposits offers stability. However, the returns from FDs are relatively low, especially when you consider inflation.

Interest Income: The interest from your FDs can contribute towards covering your monthly expenses. However, inflation could erode the purchasing power of this income over time.

Inflation Consideration: The average inflation rate in India is about 6-7%. FD returns often do not match up to this, meaning your real returns (after adjusting for inflation) could be negative.

Taxation: Interest earned from FDs is taxable as per your income slab, reducing your net returns. Keep this in mind while evaluating its contribution to your financial goals.

Gold as a Hedge
You have Rs 50 lakhs in gold, which is a great hedge against inflation and market volatility.

Role of Gold: Gold doesn’t generate regular income, but it acts as a store of value. It’s more of a wealth-preservation tool.

Liquidity: Gold can be easily liquidated during times of need, but it’s better to use it as a backup rather than a primary income source.

Health Insurance: Peace of Mind
You already have health insurance, which is excellent. Ensure it covers all major medical expenses and has sufficient coverage for the entire family.

Review Your Coverage: Reassess the sum insured regularly to ensure it matches the rising healthcare costs. Ensure you have family floater health insurance to cover every member.
Post-Retirement Strategy: Generating Regular Income
Quitting your job means you'll need a consistent income stream from your investments. Let’s see how you can plan for this:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): A SWP from your mutual fund portfolio can generate a regular monthly income. This would be tax-efficient and can help meet your Rs 3 lakh monthly expenses.

Debt Fund Allocation: Debt mutual funds could provide stability. Returns are lower than equities but more predictable. They can be used for your regular monthly expenses.

Equity Allocation: Equity funds can still be a significant part of your portfolio. Over the long term, they will provide growth and protect against inflation.

Diversification: Ensure that your portfolio is diversified across asset classes—equities, debt, and gold—so that you’re not overly dependent on one type of asset for income.

Adjusting for Inflation
Inflation is one of the most significant risks to your financial security after quitting your job.

Higher Living Costs: Inflation could push your expenses from Rs 3 lakhs to Rs 6 lakhs in 15-20 years. It’s important to plan for this.

Growth-Oriented Investments: To counter inflation, ensure that a good portion of your investments is in growth assets like equity mutual funds. Over time, these should provide returns that outpace inflation.

Managing Taxes
Tax efficiency is crucial when you’re relying on investments for regular income.

Mutual Fund Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakhs are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Fund Taxation: Debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab, so consider this while withdrawing.

Tax Planning: Work with a Certified Financial Planner to minimize your tax outgo and maximize your post-tax returns. It’s important to balance income generation with tax efficiency.

What Should You Do Next?
Here’s a step-by-step approach to help you transition smoothly when you quit your job:

Review Your Current Portfolio: Work with a CFP to review your existing mutual fund portfolio. Shift towards a mix of growth and income-generating funds.

Set Up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): This will provide you with a steady monthly income from your mutual funds.

Build a Debt Mutual Fund Cushion: Allocate a portion of your portfolio towards debt funds to reduce volatility.

Ensure Tax Efficiency: Keep an eye on taxes, especially capital gains and interest income. Use tax-efficient strategies to protect your income.

Plan for Inflation: Ensure that a significant portion of your investments remains in growth-oriented assets to beat inflation in the long run.

Finally
Your decision to quit your job is supported by a solid financial base. However, managing your portfolio for regular income, tax efficiency, and inflation protection will be key to sustaining your lifestyle without stress. A clear strategy with professional guidance will ensure a smooth and secure transition into this new phase of life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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