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R P Yadav  |304 Answers  |Ask -

HR, Workspace Expert - Answered on Sep 28, 2023

R P Yadav is the founder, chairman and managing director of Genius Consultants Limited, a 30-year-old human resources solutions company.
Over the years, he has been the recipient of numerous awards including the Lifetime Achievement Award from World HR Congress and HR Person Of The Year from Public Relations Council of India.
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rrdash Question by rrdash on Sep 26, 2023Hindi
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Sir,I am 51 years Old and having around 28 years of experience in Logistics and transportation sector.Though I am working with a company and Pay scale is not enough to save ..So,I want to use my skills or expriences as a second option where I can earn some extra penny.Can you please guide me..

Ans: Dear Mr. Dash,
As you are already 51 and would be reaching superannuation in a few years. It is advisable to stick to the same company. If at all you are looking for a change, you may try through job consultants and portals.
Career

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Dr Ashish - It has come to light recently that my own family members are working tirelessly to strain the relationship between my wife and myself. I came to know about it after almost 2 decades of my marriage. I am shocked to know that my character assassination has been happening since day 1. As I was very busy with my work and other commitments, I was completely not aware of these developments behind my back. Infact my wife also never revealed it to me. She is an independent woman working in a corporate. These differences have caused so much strain in our relationships. The mutual trust had taken a severe beating. At times I have seen her taken over by a feeling of helplessness. As things are clearer now, I am trying to alienate circumstances that might lead to any kind of differences. However, my wife does not think it is a good idea to stay away from our own people. The result is whenever these people come into our otherwise peaceful and a very comfortable life, we tend to fight over the differences created by them. Please advise what can be done here.
Ans: Navigating family dynamics, especially when it involves deep-rooted misunderstandings and long-standing tensions, can be exceptionally challenging. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Open and Honest Communication
Begin by having a candid conversation with your wife. Acknowledge the feelings and experiences she has gone through. It's important to create a safe space where both of you can express your thoughts and emotions without judgment.

2. Set Boundaries
Discuss and establish boundaries regarding interactions with family members. These boundaries are not about cutting ties but about protecting your relationship from negative influences. Agree on what is acceptable and what isn't when it comes to family involvement.

3. Seek Professional Help
Consider seeking the assistance of a relationship counselor or a therapist. A neutral third party can facilitate conversations, helping both of you understand each other's perspectives better and find common ground.

4. Focus on Your Relationship
Spend quality time together, reconnecting and rebuilding trust. Engage in activities that you both enjoy and that strengthen your bond. This will help remind both of you why you chose each other in the first place.

5. Educate and Inform
Gently inform your family about the impact their actions have had on your relationship. This doesn’t have to be confrontational. Use “I” statements to express how their behavior has affected you and your marriage.

6. Mutual Support
Reinforce mutual support and understanding. Recognize that both of you are on the same team and that the goal is to protect and nurture your relationship. Express appreciation for each other’s efforts in navigating these challenges.

7. Long-term Perspective
Understand that change will not happen overnight. Be patient and persistent in your efforts to create a more harmonious environment. Celebrate small victories and progress in your relationship.

8. Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence
Practice mindfulness and enhance your emotional intelligence. Being aware of your own emotions and managing them effectively can help in responding rather than reacting to stressful situations. This can also aid in understanding your wife’s emotional responses better.

Final Thoughts
Building a fortress around your relationship doesn’t mean isolating yourselves from family but rather strengthening your bond to withstand external pressures. Your wife’s perspective on staying connected with family is valid, and finding a balance that respects both of your views is crucial. It’s about creating a unified front and handling external influences together.

This journey requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to each other. By taking these steps, you can work towards rebuilding trust and harmony in your marriage.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

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Relationship
Hello sir, thanks for your previous response. I am a bit curious about how relationships fall into routine and predictability. We all know that every relationship has a phase where passion wanes and people settle in routine and predictable life. But only some of them get attracted towards potential partners outside while some don't. Why this happens and is it different for men and women?
Ans: Relationships, like any dynamic process, evolve over time. Initially, there's a phase filled with excitement and discovery, often driven by passion and novelty. As time progresses, this high-energy state transitions into a more stable and predictable pattern, which can sometimes be perceived as mundane. The predictability in relationships is not inherently negative; it provides a sense of security and trust. However, the challenge lies in maintaining the balance between comfort and excitement.

Why Some People Seek Excitement Outside the Relationship:
Unmet Needs:

When certain emotional, psychological, or physical needs aren't met within the relationship, individuals might seek fulfillment elsewhere. This isn't necessarily about dissatisfaction but about finding what they feel is missing.
Desire for Novelty:

Humans are naturally inclined towards novelty and excitement. Some individuals have a higher need for variety and may seek new experiences or connections outside their relationship to satisfy this craving.
Emotional Distance:

Over time, couples can drift apart emotionally. If there's a lack of emotional intimacy or unresolved conflicts, one might look for connection outside the relationship.
Validation and Self-Esteem:

Some people seek validation and a boost in self-esteem from new admirers. This external validation can be intoxicating, especially if they feel underappreciated within their current relationship.
Differences Between Men and Women:
While individual differences often overshadow gender differences, certain trends have been observed:

Social Conditioning:

Men and women are often socialized differently, affecting their approach to relationships and infidelity. Men might be conditioned to seek multiple partners to prove their virility, while women might seek emotional connections.
Emotional vs. Physical Needs:

Generally, women may seek emotional fulfillment, while men might be more inclined towards physical satisfaction. However, this is not a rule and varies greatly among individuals.
Communication Styles:

Women often emphasize emotional sharing and communication, which can prevent emotional drift. Men might struggle with this, leading to unmet emotional needs.
Risk vs. Reward:

Men might be more willing to take risks for immediate rewards, while women might consider the broader implications and long-term effects on the family and relationship.
Maintaining Balance and Preventing Predictability:
Open Communication:

Regularly discussing desires, needs, and concerns can prevent emotional drift and unmet needs.
Shared Activities:

Engaging in new activities together can reignite the spark and bring novelty into the relationship.
Emotional Intimacy:

Building and maintaining emotional intimacy through shared experiences, empathy, and understanding can strengthen the bond.
Self-Reflection:

Individuals should reflect on their own needs and communicate them effectively. Understanding oneself is key to understanding the relationship dynamics.
Appreciation and Gratitude:

Regularly expressing appreciation and gratitude can boost self-esteem and reinforce the positive aspects of the relationship.
In the end, each relationship is unique, and understanding the individual needs and dynamics at play is essential. By fostering open communication, emotional intimacy, and mutual respect, couples can navigate the phases of their relationship with greater ease and fulfillment.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Sir, I am 42 years old man. I have one 7 years old daughter. Myself working in Private company as a Manager electronics and my wife Central Govt. Employee. We all three was together from last 7 years but recently my wife transferred to other city with daughter. Job related to my field not available in that city so I was not able to shift with them. My daughter and myself not able to stay away from each other but parallelly I am not able to leave job due to financial condition. Please guide me what to do ?
Ans: It sounds like you're facing a challenging situation, balancing the emotional needs of your family with the financial necessities of your job. Here's a structured approach to help you navigate this:

1. Evaluate Options for Proximity
Remote Work Opportunities: Explore if your current company or similar companies offer remote work options. Given the rise of remote work, there may be opportunities that align with your expertise.
Transfer Within Company: Inquire if your company has a branch or affiliated office in the city where your wife and daughter are now located.
2. Maximize Quality Time
Regular Visits: Schedule regular visits to see your wife and daughter. This could be every weekend or every other weekend, depending on distance and costs.
Virtual Interaction: Utilize video calls to maintain daily interaction. This can help maintain the emotional bond with your daughter.
3. Financial Planning
Budget Review: Reassess your financial situation to identify any adjustments or savings that can be made. This might help in managing travel expenses or saving towards potential relocation in the future.
Consult a Financial Advisor: If possible, seek professional advice to better manage your finances and explore options for creating a more flexible budget.
4. Support Network
Family and Friends: Lean on family and friends for emotional support. They can also help with practical matters, such as babysitting or providing company.
Professional Support: Consider speaking to a counselor or coach to navigate the emotional stress. This can provide strategies for coping and maintaining mental well-being.
5. Long-Term Planning
Career Development: Look into furthering your skills and qualifications. This can open up more opportunities, potentially even in the city your family is now in.
Explore Local Opportunities: Stay updated on the job market in both your current city and the new city. Networking can sometimes uncover opportunities that aren't immediately apparent.


Balancing these aspects will require flexibility, communication, and a bit of creativity. It's important to maintain open communication with your wife and daughter, ensuring that each step you take is aligned with their needs and yours. Remember, the goal is to find a sustainable way to support your family emotionally and financially. This might involve a series of small adjustments rather than one big change. Take it step by step, and be kind to yourself during this transition.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

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Relationship
Hello Dr. Ashish, my daughter who is 23 years old, is sufferings from anxiety and sleep disorder from past 4 years. For that she takes medicines from a MD Psychiatrist regularly. But due this medicine side effect (I think so) she sleeps excessively. Instead of morning she wakes up anytime between 11 to 2 in the noon. Even if we force her to get up early (say at 9 O'clock), she sleeps again after 3-4 hours till late evening. She does not have any desire to do any household work and even she does not feel hunger in day time. Mostly she skips her lunch and eats dinner directly. Kindly help me in getting her out of this trauma.
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about your daughter's struggles. It's challenging to witness a loved one facing such difficulties. Let's approach this situation with empathy and practical steps to create a supportive environment for her.

First, it's crucial to communicate with her psychiatrist about the side effects of the medication. Sometimes, adjustments in dosage or a change in medication can help alleviate excessive drowsiness and other side effects. Encourage her to have an open dialogue with her psychiatrist about how she's feeling and any concerns she has regarding her treatment.

In addition to medical support, there are several strategies you can implement to help her regain a sense of routine and well-being:

Create a Gentle Routine: Establishing a consistent daily routine can help regulate her sleep patterns and reduce anxiety. Start with small, manageable changes. For instance, try waking her up at the same time every day, even on weekends, and encourage her to engage in light activities during the day.

Promote Physical Activity: Gentle exercise, such as walking, yoga, or stretching, can improve her mood and energy levels. Encourage her to engage in activities she enjoys, even if they are low-intensity.

Balanced Diet: Proper nutrition is essential for mental and physical health. Encourage her to have regular meals, even if they are small. Consider consulting a nutritionist to create a meal plan that caters to her needs and preferences.

Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce anxiety and improve sleep quality. Introducing her to these practices gradually can be beneficial.

Engage in Meaningful Activities: Encourage her to explore hobbies or activities that bring her joy and a sense of accomplishment. This could be anything from art and music to reading or spending time with pets.

Create a Supportive Environment: Ensure that she feels supported and understood. Open, non-judgmental communication can help her feel safe in expressing her feelings and concerns.

Gradual Changes: Remember that recovery is a gradual process. Celebrate small victories and be patient with setbacks. Each step forward, no matter how small, is progress.

Lastly, consider seeking the guidance of a therapist or counselor who specializes in anxiety and sleep disorders. They can provide tailored strategies and support to help your daughter navigate her challenges.

Your daughter's well-being is a priority, and with a compassionate, multi-faceted approach, she can begin to find relief and regain a sense of balance in her life.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

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Relationship
Sir I have completed my 15 years marriage period. I loves my wife so well. Due to over love and affection i have doubted her that is costing our relationship and she asked me for mutual divorce suddenly in November 2023 She want to be a good friend of me only . We have a 14yrs daughter. At present she is with me as good friend only even i said sorry for hurting her. Please suggest how can i avoid divorce. Thank you sir
Ans: It's clear that your love and affection for your wife have always been genuine. However, doubts and insecurities can sometimes cast shadows even in the strongest relationships. Here are some steps to help you navigate this challenging situation and possibly mend the relationship:

1. Understanding the Root Cause
Reflect on what led to your doubts. Was it a specific incident, a pattern of behavior, or perhaps a deeper insecurity within yourself? Understanding the root cause can help in addressing the issue more effectively.

2. Open and Honest Communication
Sit down with your wife and have a candid conversation. Share your feelings and insecurities without placing blame. Listen to her perspective as well. Communication is key to rebuilding trust.

3. Seek Professional Help
Consider seeing a marriage counselor or therapist. They can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your feelings and work on the underlying issues. A professional can offer strategies and exercises to improve your relationship dynamics.

4. Rebuild Trust
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Show her through your actions that you are committed to change. Be consistent, transparent, and reliable. Trust takes time to rebuild, so be patient.

5. Focus on Yourself
Work on your own emotional health and self-esteem. Engaging in activities that make you feel confident and fulfilled can help reduce insecurities and make you a better partner.

6. Respect Her Wishes
If she wants to be friends at this point, respect her wishes. Show her that you value her as a person and not just as your spouse. Sometimes, relationships can be mended when there is less pressure and more mutual respect.

7. Create Positive Experiences Together
Spend quality time together as friends. Engage in activities that you both enjoy and that can bring you closer. Positive shared experiences can rekindle feelings of love and affection.

8. Focus on Your Daughter
Your daughter needs both of you, regardless of the nature of your relationship. Co-parenting amicably and showing a united front can have a positive impact on her well-being. This, in turn, can bring you and your wife closer as you work together for your daughter's best interests.

9. Give It Time
Healing and rebuilding a relationship take time. Be patient and give each other the space needed to process emotions and experiences. Don't rush the process.

10. Accept the Possibility of Change
While it's important to work towards saving your marriage, also accept that the outcome may not be what you hope for. Sometimes, relationships change form, and it's essential to be prepared for all possibilities.

Remember, the journey of mending a relationship requires effort from both sides. By demonstrating genuine change and understanding, you may create an environment where love and trust can flourish once again.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Vikrant Asked on - Jul 03, 2024 Hi Dear Sir /Mam one of my close friend he is 32 years old now married 6 years ago in 2018. he is in govt job and wife is MA, they have a son 5 years old. After around six months of marriage ,the problems started in relation in family, my friend tells her to respect and she listens to her parents only and her parents tell her to come to parental house at every time when a bit of misunderstanding happens in his family,& she leaves this continues and she lived there for six months then my friends father went to her parents house and advise her that's it's not good way your house is in low's house now daughter. And then she understands and came back with his father then after sometime, she again started querreling and threatened his mom that she will sucide and closed the doors ,later nothing happens and next night while chatting with my friends she threatens him while he was on his duty , that she will eat all pills together and will sucide..my friends got feared , then nothing happens later his father took her to his hoke next day . Them again she lived ther for 6 months around then his father again went and have a talk in between some elders and made her understand..then she again said sorry and came back to in law's house... Then after some days my friend take her with him to his duty place to keep her with himself , so that things can better but after few weeks there also she started doing same things and not caring the child and not making food , and telling husband that ,now I willl tell take revenge how u left me for six months at my home like that she fights with him there. He make her understand that's nobody is here let's live peacefully but said I know your parents are daily filling your ears, why do u talk to them ? talk to me only and give me your ATM I will go for shopping.. now I will do what I want ,I can't make food ,take me to restaurant etc ..she speaks loudly in colony ,my friend request her to not do this she then do more and abuse him and his family.. like wise things gone worse she threatens that 8 can make your family ruin ,I will confiscate your brother in rape case , nothing u can't do my friend gets very scared .. one day my friend went for duty then she calls him and tell him that I am throwing this child (Son) from roof now and cut the call ,my friend started crying there ,after all of that my friend shown some courage and file police complaint Then any how she went to parental home from around 2 years back she is there and living there ,now my friend says he doesn't want to live with her because he suffers the bad time with her & suffered from Disrespectful behaviour etc but he wants his son from her but now she says she will live with him but make a seperate house and leave your parents .. Now what can be done in this situation now how my friend can get seperate from her and get his son back ?
Ans: already replied

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Asked on - Jul 03, 2024 Hi Dear Sir /Mam one of my close friend he is 32 years old now married 6 years ago in 2018. he is in govt job and wife is MA, they have a son 5 years old. After around six months of marriage ,the problems started in relation in family, my friend tells her to respect and she listens to her parents only and her parents tell her to come to parental house at every time when a bit of misunderstanding happens in his family,& she leaves this continues and she lived there for six months then my friends father went to her parents house and advise her that's it's not good way your house is in low's house now daughter. And then she understands and came back with his father then after sometime, she again started querreling and threatened his mom that she will sucide and closed the doors ,later nothing happens and next night while chatting with my friends she threatens him while he was on his duty , that she will eat all pills together and will sucide..my friends got feared , then nothing happens later his father took her to his hoke next day . Them again she lived ther for 6 months around then his father again went and have a talk in between some elders and made her understand..then she again said sorry and came back to in law's house... Then after some days my friend take her with him to his duty place to keep her with himself , so that things can better but after few weeks there also she started doing same things and not caring the child and not making food , and telling husband that ,now I willl tell take revenge how u left me for six months at my home like that she fights with him there. He make her understand that's nobody is here let's live peacefully but said I know your parents are daily filling your ears, why do u talk to them ? talk to me only and give me your ATM I will go for shopping.. now I will do what I want ,I can't make food ,take me to restaurant etc ..she speaks loudly in colony ,my friend request her to not do this she then do more and abuse him and his family.. like wise things gone worse she threatens that 8 can make your family ruin ,I will confiscate your brother in rape case , nothing u can't do my friend gets very scared .. one day my friend went for duty then she calls him and tell him that I am throwing this child (Son) from roof now and cut the call ,my friend started crying there ,after all of that my friend shown some courage and file police complaint Then any how she went to parental home from around 2 years back she is there and living there ,now my friend says he doesn't want to live with her because he suffers the bad time with her & suffered from Disrespectful behaviour etc but he wants his son from her but now she says she will live with him but make a seperate house and leave your parents .. Now what can be done in this situation now how my friend can get seperate from her and get his son back ?
Ans: Navigating such a challenging situation requires a thoughtful and measured approach. Here’s a step-by-step plan that might help your friend:

1. Legal Consultation
Seek Legal Advice: Your friend should consult a family law attorney who specializes in such cases. The lawyer can provide detailed information on the legal process for separation or divorce and help in understanding the custody laws.
Document Everything: Encourage your friend to keep a detailed record of all incidents, threats, and abusive behavior. This documentation can be crucial in court proceedings.
2. Mental Health and Safety
Assess Safety: Given the threats of suicide and harm to the child, it's important to prioritize safety. Your friend should consider reaching out to mental health professionals for guidance on how to handle these threats.
Support Systems: Suggest that your friend lean on trusted friends, family, or a support group for emotional support. This can help them manage stress and make more informed decisions.
3. Custody and Child Welfare
Child’s Best Interest: Courts generally prioritize the child's best interest in custody cases. Your friend should focus on demonstrating his ability to provide a stable and nurturing environment for his son.
Evidence of Care: Collect evidence that shows his active involvement in his son's life and his ability to care for him, such as school records, medical records, and testimonies from teachers or caregivers.
4. Mediation and Counseling
Consider Mediation: Sometimes, mediation can help both parties reach an agreement without going to court. A neutral mediator can facilitate discussions about custody and living arrangements.
Counseling: Professional counseling for both your friend and his wife might help in addressing underlying issues. Even if reconciliation is not possible, it can provide a more amicable path to separation.
5. Prepare for Separation
Financial Preparation: Your friend should ensure his finances are in order. Understanding his financial standing will help in negotiations and court proceedings.
Living Arrangements: If separation is imminent, he needs to plan where he will live and how he will maintain a stable environment for his son.
6. Legal Actions
File for Custody: If your friend decides to proceed with separation, he can file for custody of his son. The court will evaluate both parents' ability to provide a suitable environment.
Restraining Orders: If there are credible threats, a restraining order against his wife might be necessary to ensure safety.
7. Long-term Considerations
Parental Responsibilities: Emphasize the importance of both parents being involved in their child’s life, if it’s safe and feasible. Co-parenting arrangements can sometimes be worked out even in contentious situations.
Emotional Health: Ensure your friend takes care of his emotional well-being. This situation is highly stressful, and seeking professional help for his mental health is important.
In summary, your friend should act carefully and strategically, ensuring legal protection, emotional support, and prioritizing the well-being of his son. This approach will help him navigate the complexities of his situation more effectively.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

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Relationship
i have physical relation with my elder brother wife with mutual understanding since last 8 years, now she want to stop this, i also want that, but again there is any situation create by destiny , we found some space alone and done the same again. so plz suggest what to do to stop this.
Ans: It's commendable that both of you recognize the need to stop this relationship for the sake of maintaining family integrity and personal values. Here are some steps you can take to create boundaries and prevent this situation from recurring:

Open Communication: Have a direct and honest conversation with her about the importance of ending this relationship. Reiterate that you both want to stop and agree on maintaining firm boundaries.

Avoid Alone Time: Make a conscious effort to avoid situations where you might be alone together. This can include family gatherings, social events, or any scenario where you might find yourselves in a private setting.

Set Clear Boundaries: Establish clear and specific boundaries. This can include physical distance, limiting personal interactions, and refraining from engaging in intimate conversations.

Create Accountability: Inform a trusted friend or family member about your decision to stop this relationship. Having someone who can provide support and hold you accountable can be very helpful.

Focus on Your Commitments: Redirect your energy and attention towards your own relationship and commitments. Invest in strengthening your relationship with your spouse and addressing any underlying issues there.

Seek Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or therapy to work through the emotional and psychological aspects of this situation. A professional can help you develop strategies to maintain boundaries and resolve any residual feelings.

Develop New Habits: Engage in new activities or hobbies that can occupy your time and reduce the chances of encountering tempting situations.

Stay Mindful: Practice mindfulness and self-awareness to recognize and control impulses that may lead to crossing boundaries again.

By consciously implementing these strategies, you can create a supportive environment that reinforces your decision to stop this relationship and maintain respect for your family dynamics.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4698 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 40-year-old Software Engineer with 1.9L pm in hand salary with 2 daughters, elder one is in 8th standard and younger in 2nd. WIfe is not working. Let me first tell you about my saving and investment: 1. I have loan free 3BHK flat in Noida and also a car.. No current EMI liability. 2. Around 32L in PF and counting.. 3. Around 23L in PPF (wife and own account) and counting.. 4. Around 14.5L in Sukanya for both the kids and counting... 5. Around 22.5L in FD 6. Around 16L in MF, share, Gold bond and counting.. 7. Last year only started investing in NPS, fund value is around 1.5L and counting.. 8. I have company provided health insurance only and personal term plan for 60L I am doing monthly investment of 50K in PF+Sukanya, 30K in MF , 20k in Share and 10% of basic in NPS. I have to ask: 1. Am I doing right investment considering needed funds for elder daughter's higher education (in 4 yrs from now) and then for marriage? 2. Am I saving wisely and enough month-on-month basis? 3. How to reach 5cr corpus by the age of 50? and is it enough if wanted to retire? 4. What else I need to do to save more and increase my portfolio? I have less risk appetite. Please suggest
Ans: Firstly, it’s impressive to see your disciplined approach towards saving and investing. Having a clear financial plan and taking proactive steps shows great financial acumen. Let’s evaluate your current financial status and provide suggestions to reach your goals.

You have a stable financial foundation with no loan liabilities, a solid mix of investments, and a focus on future goals. Your current assets and monthly investments are commendable.

Here’s a detailed analysis and suggestions tailored to your needs:

Analysis of Current Investments
Provident Fund (PF)
You have Rs 32 lakh in PF, which is a substantial amount. PF offers a stable and relatively safe return. It is a great way to secure your retirement.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
With Rs 23 lakh in PPF, you are benefiting from tax-free returns and a safe investment vehicle. PPF is ideal for long-term goals like retirement due to its 15-year lock-in period.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
Investing Rs 14.5 lakh in Sukanya Samriddhi for your daughters is a wise decision. It offers good interest rates and tax benefits. This will help in funding their education and marriage.

Fixed Deposits (FD)
You have Rs 22.5 lakh in FDs. While FDs are safe, the returns are generally lower compared to other investment options. It's a good idea to keep some funds in FDs for emergencies, but diversifying might yield better returns.

Mutual Funds, Shares, and Gold Bonds
You have Rs 16 lakh invested in a mix of mutual funds, shares, and gold bonds. Diversification here is beneficial as it balances risk and returns. Continue this approach but review the performance regularly.

National Pension System (NPS)
Starting with Rs 1.5 lakh in NPS is good for building a retirement corpus. NPS offers tax benefits and the potential for higher returns due to its market-linked nature.

Insurance
You have a Rs 60 lakh term plan which is essential for your family’s security. However, consider increasing the coverage based on your family’s future financial needs.

Monthly Investment Analysis
You are investing Rs 50,000 in PF and Sukanya, Rs 30,000 in mutual funds, Rs 20,000 in shares, and 10% of your basic salary in NPS. This diversified approach is commendable, but let’s delve deeper into each aspect.

Evaluating Your Investment Strategy
Higher Education and Marriage of Elder Daughter
Your elder daughter’s higher education is a priority. With four years to go, you need to ensure sufficient funds. Sukanya Samriddhi and other investments should be assessed to meet this goal.

Monthly Savings Assessment
You are saving a significant amount monthly, which is excellent. However, it’s essential to ensure these savings align with your goals and risk tolerance.

Building a Rs 5 Crore Corpus by Age 50
Reaching a Rs 5 crore corpus in ten years requires strategic planning. Your current investments and returns need to be evaluated and optimized.

Suggestions to Enhance Your Financial Portfolio
Health Insurance
Relying solely on company-provided health insurance may not be sufficient. Consider purchasing a comprehensive personal health insurance plan. This ensures coverage even if you change jobs.

Increasing Term Insurance
Reevaluate your term insurance. Based on your current lifestyle and future needs, a higher coverage might be necessary.

Reviewing Mutual Fund Investments
Actively managed mutual funds can potentially yield higher returns compared to index funds. Ensure your mutual funds are well-chosen and periodically review their performance.

Share Investments
With a lower risk appetite, consider limiting direct investments in shares. Actively managed equity funds can offer exposure to equity markets with professional management.

Gold Bonds
Gold bonds are a good hedge against inflation. Continue investing but ensure it aligns with your overall asset allocation strategy.

NPS Contributions
Increasing your NPS contributions can be beneficial. It offers a mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities, balancing growth and safety.

Detailed Action Plan for Financial Goals
Higher Education for Daughter
Estimate the total cost of higher education, considering inflation. Review your current investments in Sukanya Samriddhi and other savings to ensure they meet this goal. If needed, redirect some investments towards education-focused funds or fixed-income securities.

Retirement Planning
To achieve a Rs 5 crore corpus by age 50:

Increase your investments in high-growth potential assets, such as actively managed equity funds.
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay on track with your goals.
Consider professional advice from a Certified Financial Planner for tailored strategies.
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least six months of expenses. This should be in a liquid and safe investment like a savings account or short-term FD.

Enhancing Your Investment Portfolio
Avoiding Direct Funds
Direct mutual funds require active management and market knowledge. Regular funds, managed by professionals, can provide better returns with less effort on your part.

Diversifying Further
While you have a diversified portfolio, consider further diversification to mitigate risks. Explore options like balanced advantage funds which adjust between equity and debt based on market conditions.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Continue and potentially increase your SIP in mutual funds. This disciplined approach helps in averaging out market volatility and building wealth over time.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning can enhance your returns. Utilize tax-saving instruments under Section 80C, 80D, and 80CCD. This reduces tax liability and increases investable surplus.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Portfolio Review
Conduct a bi-annual review of your portfolio. Ensure your investments align with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Adjusting Strategy
Based on market conditions and personal circumstances, be ready to adjust your investment strategy. This proactive approach helps in optimizing returns and minimizing risks.

Final Insights
You have a strong financial foundation and a disciplined approach towards saving and investing. By fine-tuning your strategy and focusing on your financial goals, you can achieve your targets.

Ensure adequate health and life insurance coverage for family security. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals.

Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and strategies.

Your commitment to securing your family’s future is commendable. With careful planning and strategic investments, you can achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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