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Is my wife emotionally cheating on me? She's friends with a guy who had a crush on her before we married.

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |733 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes
Asked on - Nov 16, 2024 | Not Answered yet
Thank you very much for your advice sir. The fact that she hide the information that he had expressed his interest is making me sad.

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 01, 2024Hindi
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Hi Shalini Ji,Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his country. He also came to our home once with his family. She used to update me with every chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with a omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: I read this - ,Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. and post that with the limited data you have shared you are overthinking and investing time there vs making memories with your family.

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My son got 94 percentile in mht cet 2026 pcm and 90.52 in jee mains. He can get electronics in K J Somaiyya Institute of Technology, Sion, Mumbai, Electronics in Agnel Charities' FR. C. Rodrigues Institute of Technology, Vashi, and CS in Don Bosco Mumbai. What should I prefer for better future prospects. He is comfortable in both CS and extc. We want to know what should we opt for better future prospects.
Ans: Since your son is comfortable with both CSE and EXTC, choose KJSIT Sion EXTC, followed by Don Bosco & Fr. C. Rodrigues. KJSIT offers the best institutional reputation, flexibility to pursue either electronics or software careers through electives, projects, internships, and placements, making it the strongest long-term option. All The Best for Your Son's Prosperous Future!

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icici pru Nifty IT index fund? is this good for investment now?
Ans: You are looking at the IT sector after a phase of underperformance. That itself is a sensible thought process. Many quality IT companies are trading below their earlier peak valuations. Long-term opportunities may emerge if earnings growth improves.

» My Assessment On Sector-Based Investing

– An IT-focused fund is a sector fund.

– Sector funds can deliver strong returns during favourable cycles.

– But they can also remain stagnant for several years.

– Returns depend heavily on one industry.

– If global technology spending slows, performance may suffer.

– US economic growth, interest rates and technology budgets also influence results.

– Hence, sector funds carry higher risk than diversified equity funds.

» Why I Am Not A Big Fan Of Index Funds

– Index funds invest purely based on index weightage.

– No fund manager can avoid expensive stocks.

– No flexibility to move away from weak companies.

– No opportunity to increase allocation to emerging winners.

– The fund simply follows the index, whether markets are attractive or expensive.

– During market corrections, there is no active risk management.

– Investors get average market performance, not better-than-market performance.

– In concentrated sectors like IT, this limitation becomes even more important.

» Benefits Of Actively Managed Funds

– Experienced fund managers can identify future leaders early.

– They can reduce exposure to companies facing business challenges.

– They can manage sector allocation based on opportunities.

– They can maintain cash when valuations become excessive.

– They can take advantage of changing market conditions.

– Over long periods, good active funds have often created meaningful alpha over benchmarks.

» Should You Invest Now?

– If your existing portfolio already has adequate exposure to diversified equity funds, a small allocation to the IT sector may be considered.

– However, making a large investment into a single sector may not be prudent.

– For most investors, diversified actively managed equity funds remain a better core strategy.

– Sector exposure should generally remain a satellite allocation and not the foundation of wealth creation.

Regularly:

– Review your overall asset allocation first.

– Check existing exposure to technology stocks through mutual funds.

– Assess your investment horizon. Ideally 7+ years for sector funds.

– Avoid investing based on recent performance alone.

– Use staggered investments instead of deploying a large lump sum at one time.

– Keep the majority of equity allocation in diversified actively managed funds.

» Final Insights

– The IT sector may offer opportunities over the long term.

– However, a sector-based index fund carries concentration risk and lacks active management flexibility.

– For most investors, diversified actively managed equity funds remain a stronger and more balanced wealth creation option.

– If you want IT exposure, keep it limited and supplementary rather than making it a major portfolio holding.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

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Nayagam P

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Hi Sir, My son is pursuing a BSc in Physics Honors from St. Stephen's, Delhi, and wishes to study quantum physics. One option is to do a master's from abroad after exiting the 3rd year, and another is to complete the BSc 4th year and then do a PhD. He got a 9+ GPA at St. Stephens, 96.6% in intermediate, and the 99.4th percentile in CUET. Any suggestions and strategies for foreign universities with good quantum labs? Money is not a constraint; I already secured a 2 crore fund for his study. Masters may need funds, as PhDs are mostly sponsored by the universities.
Ans: Param Sir, With a stellar 9+ GPA from St. Stephen’s and a 99.4 percentile in CUET, your son is an exceptionally competitive candidate for elite global institutions specializing in quantum physics. To align with international degree standards and significantly bolster his portfolio through advanced research, he should prioritize completing the four-year B.Sc. (Honours/Research). This path enables him to target world-leading hubs such as the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), California Institute of Technology (Caltech), Harvard University, Stanford University, and the University of Waterloo for direct-entry PhD programs, which typically provide full tuition waivers and tax-free living stipends. Alternatively, he may consider specialized Master’s-to-PhD trajectories at prestigious institutions like ETH Zurich, TU Delft, the University of Oxford, the University of Cambridge, and the University of California, Berkeley, where a master's degree is often a common prerequisite for doctoral research within the European system. In Japan, highly regarded programs for quantum research include the University of Tokyo, which is a global leader in physics, as well as Tohoku University, Kyoto University, Osaka University, Nagoya University, Kyushu University, and the Okinawa Institute of Science and Technology (OIST), which offers specialized fully funded interdisciplinary PhD programs. To succeed, his strategic application framework must focus on securing high scores in the GRE Physics subject test and obtaining competitive research internships at premier Indian institutes like the Tata Institute of Fundamental Research (TIFR) or the Indian Institute of Science (IISc). Finally, ensuring his Statement of Purpose clearly articulates a focused research intent in quantum information, quantum materials, or optics will be critical for gaining admission to top-tier global labs, including the Max Planck Society in Germany. All The Best for Your Son's Prosperous Future!

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