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Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by Anonymous on Dec 10, 2021Hindi

Relationship

Dear expert,
Need your advice on what magic effect can bring back my husband.
He has left home multiple times after fighting with me.
He has filed a court case too, asking for divorce.
But I love him and fear to stay alone.
It's been three years of an unhealthy relationship and one year of separation.
Regards,
Anonymous

Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

At the end of the day, a marriage is not defined by a piece of legal paper; it is defined by the relationship between two people.

I am sorry to hear that you love your husband and that he has left you and is demanding a divorce.

But from where I stand, you seem to be better off without him; you have mentioned he has walked out on you several times before and also say that it has been an unhealthy relationship. He seems to want to break free from the marriage and you deserve much better.

I don't know why you fear living alone, but this is not the end of the road for you.

Give him the divorce and know that you will find love again, maybe with a better person this time around.

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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is really sad. It would have been mature of him to say things to your face instead of running away. Anyway, you are faced with a situation where you are going to need solid legal advice.
So, do just that and find a lawyer who can smartly deal with the issues on how to protect your daughter's interests. As for you, this being such a shocker is going to make you lose faith in a marriage. But remember things could have gotten worse...his true colors came in through this way...he could have very well cheated on you while living with you as well. This is not to justify what he's done of course but for you to find peace within you somehow.
But, before taking this serious step, I would encourage you to speak with him. Let him make an effort to come down meet you and at that time do ask him if he really wants divorce. Also, by then you will also have to make up your mind that in case he apologizes, if you want to forgive him and move on...

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Hello Ma'am, I have been married for almost 14 years and have a 10 year old. A few months ago my husband found some intimate chats of mine with someone else. I am extremely remorseful of my actions. Honestly those chats happened because my husband never showed me any love or concern. However I know that's not excuse to have those chats. After seeing those chats he got extremely angry and threw me out of the house. It's been more than 3 months. He is not willing to forgive me. He wants separation and he has told our daughter also that we are separated. I am so heartbroken that because of my blunder I lost my husband and daughter. Is there any way I can get back with my husband

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, I have been married for almost 14 years and have a 10 year old. A few months ago my husband found some intimate chats of mine with someone else. I am extremely remorseful of my actions. Honestly those chats happened because my husband never showed me any love or concern. However I know that's not excuse to have those chats. After seeing those chats he got extremely angry and threw me out of the house. It's been more than 3 months. He is not willing to forgive me. He wants separation and he has told our daughter also that we are separated. I am so heartbroken that because of my blunder I lost my husband and daughter. Is there any way I can get back with my husband

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are always going to be reasons to do something or not do something and there is no point mulling over it.
For your husband, his trust has been broken!
Now, is it hard to bring back that trust? Yes, especially with the way your husband has reacted on it. He does seem sensitive about the whole thing and understand that it has possibly hit the pride of a man who is meant to keep his family happy and safe. Suddenly, the world that he had protected is encroached upon by another man. Your husband is bound to feel 'less', 'inadequate' and 'worthless'. That is why he has opted to separate as he finds it difficult to reconcile or even think of why he could not take care of his family.
Now, rather than beating yourself up for it, gather the courage to talk to your husband requesting him for a one on one chat with you. If you want this marriage to work, even your husband needs to work with you...no point acting on it the way he has and not take the responsibility of connecting with you emotionally that could possibly have been one of the reasons that you sought comfort elsewhere. An expert intervention will help provided your husband is also willing.

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