Dear expert,
Need your advice on what magic effect can bring back my husband.
He has left home multiple times after fighting with me.
He has filed a court case too, asking for divorce.
But I love him and fear to stay alone.
It's been three years of an unhealthy relationship and one year of separation.
Regards,
Anonymous

Ans: Dear Lakshmi,
You can't bring someone back unless he/she wants to come back, right?
Your friend has to take charge (being 'depressed' is not going to solve her problems); which means she needs to decide what is to be done next!
Does she want to continue in the marriage or go separate?
If she wants to continue, she definitely must confront her husband on this and together they must work on rebuilding the marriage with some neutral help from an expert.
Time to stop brooding and time to step up and do what it takes to get to a point of deciding. Is she leaving or staying?
So, be a good friend like you are now and suggest that she needs to take charge by talking to her husband. Where is his mind in all of this? Does he want the marriage as well?
All the questions will be answered and it becomes clear to her whether her love for him is worth it or not. Why waste love on someone who has nothing to do with you?
So for clarity, do suggest to your friend to have that honest chat with her husband where she knows where the marriage stands.

All the best!

Ans: Rebuilding a relationship when both parties are over 65 and facing significant issues requires patience, understanding, and often professional intervention. Here are some steps that might help in your situation:

First, it's important to acknowledge the depth of the emotional wounds that have been inflicted. Both of you have shared many years together and have supported each other's families, indicating a strong bond that has been strained by recurring conflicts. Recognizing the positive history and expressing gratitude for the past contributions can help set a foundation for reconciliation.

Given that your wife has chosen to live separately and is currently very resistant to communication, it might be helpful to suggest professional counseling. A neutral third party, such as a therapist or marriage counselor, can facilitate conversations in a safe and structured environment. Counseling can help both of you understand the underlying issues, improve communication skills, and work through the anger and resentment that have built up over time.

It’s also crucial to give her space while making it clear that you are committed to working on the relationship. Respect her need for distance, but keep the lines of communication open by occasionally sending thoughtful messages that express your willingness to understand and address her concerns without pressuring her.

Reflect on your behavior and be genuinely open to change. Demonstrating your willingness to work on your own shortcomings can make a significant impact. This might include managing your temper, improving your listening skills, and showing empathy towards her feelings and perspectives.

Involving a close family member or a trusted friend who she respects might also be beneficial. They can act as intermediaries to convey your sincere intentions and help mediate the situation without taking sides.

Lastly, patience is key. Rebuilding trust and repairing a relationship, especially after long-standing issues, takes time. Continue to show her through your actions that you are committed to making positive changes and are willing to put in the effort needed to restore your relationship.

If you both can agree to engage in the process, even if it starts with small steps, there’s hope for reconciliation and rebuilding a happy life together.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is really sad. It would have been mature of him to say things to your face instead of running away. Anyway, you are faced with a situation where you are going to need solid legal advice.
So, do just that and find a lawyer who can smartly deal with the issues on how to protect your daughter's interests. As for you, this being such a shocker is going to make you lose faith in a marriage. But remember things could have gotten worse...his true colors came in through this way...he could have very well cheated on you while living with you as well. This is not to justify what he's done of course but for you to find peace within you somehow.
But, before taking this serious step, I would encourage you to speak with him. Let him make an effort to come down meet you and at that time do ask him if he really wants divorce. Also, by then you will also have to make up your mind that in case he apologizes, if you want to forgive him and move on...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/