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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
jijo Question by jijo on Feb 06, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir , My salary is around 10lakhs per annum. My family consists of my mother, wife and a new born kid. I don’t have a house yet and been trying to buy one in Hyderabad from a long time but since the costs are very high I have to buy later. Now since my family is growing I am planning to buy a car which is of worth 8 lakhs .. I am now in a dilemma whether to buy a car first or the house. I already have savings in FD for 16lakhs and 1.5 lakhs in mutual funds and stocks .. Please advice . Car or house ???

Ans: Assessing Your Financial Situation
Thank you for sharing your financial details. It's clear you have been managing your finances responsibly. Balancing the needs of your growing family is important. Let's look at the pros and cons of buying a car versus a house.

Car vs. House: Key Considerations
Immediate Needs and Comfort
Car: A car can greatly improve your family’s comfort and convenience, especially with a newborn. It allows for easier travel and can be a practical choice if you have regular commutes or trips.

House: Buying a house provides long-term stability and security for your family. It is also an investment that can appreciate over time.

Financial Impact
Car: Cars are depreciating assets. Their value decreases over time. Additionally, a car will have ongoing costs such as maintenance, insurance, and fuel.

House: A house is a significant financial commitment, often involving a long-term loan. However, it is generally an appreciating asset, meaning its value can increase over time. Home ownership also offers potential tax benefits.

Current Financial Snapshot
You have Rs. 16 lakhs in fixed deposits and Rs. 1.5 lakhs in mutual funds and stocks. Your annual salary is Rs. 10 lakhs, which is substantial.

Immediate vs. Long-Term Goals
Buying a Car
Pros: Immediate comfort and convenience, especially beneficial with a newborn.
Cons: Depreciating asset, additional monthly expenses for maintenance and fuel.
Buying a House
Pros: Long-term investment, stability, potential for appreciation, possible tax benefits.
Cons: Requires a substantial down payment, potential long-term loan, high property costs in Hyderabad.
Recommendations
Emergency Fund and Savings
Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers at least 6-12 months of expenses. Given your current savings, you are in a good position to allocate funds for both short-term and long-term needs.

Car Purchase
If a car is essential for your family's immediate comfort and convenience, consider a budget-friendly option or a pre-owned car to reduce the financial impact. This way, you can save more for your future house.

House Purchase
Given the high property costs in Hyderabad, continue to save and monitor the real estate market. You can use your current savings as a down payment in the future. Also, consider investing more in mutual funds for potentially higher returns over time.

Balancing Both Goals
Increase SIP Investments: Allocate more funds to SIPs in mutual funds to grow your savings. This can help build your house down payment fund faster.

Avoid Immediate Large Expenses: If possible, delay the car purchase and focus on increasing your savings and investments.

Create a Financial Plan: Work with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to develop a tailored financial plan. They can help you balance your immediate needs with long-term goals, ensuring financial security for your family.

Conclusion
Both purchasing a car and a house have their merits. However, considering your growing family and financial situation, prioritizing your long-term goal of buying a house may be more beneficial. This doesn't mean you can't buy a car, but perhaps consider a more economical option to keep your finances balanced.

Remember, a well-thought-out financial plan will help you achieve both comfort and security for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, I am 36, in hand salary is 2.4 lakhs per month(including rental) I have 2 properties 1st current market value 2.2cr outstanding loan 40 lakhs 2nd. 60 lakh outstanding loan of 28 lakhs(taking tax benefit on this). Apart from this I personally have 0 savings in cash. My wife is housewife. At current market value we will have roughly 60 lakhs of gold. Recently bought a car on loan with emi of 35k. My monthly emi outflow is 1.1 lakh with roughly 1 lakh as additional monthly expense. Whatever I am able to save currently I am using it to pay of my Housing loan no.1. Need your suggestion on financial planning & decision that I should take in future
Ans: Given your financial situation, it's important to prioritize debt management, savings, and investment planning to achieve your long-term financial goals. Here are some tailored suggestions:

Debt Management:
Continue prioritizing the repayment of your housing loans. Focus on clearing high-interest debt first, such as the outstanding loan on Property 1.
Explore options to accelerate debt repayment, such as allocating any surplus income towards loan prepayments.
Review the terms of your car loan and consider refinancing if possible to reduce the monthly EMI burden.

Emergency Fund:
Establish an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of your household expenses. This fund will provide a financial buffer in case of unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.
Set aside a portion of your monthly income towards building this fund gradually, even while repaying loans.

Savings and Investments:
Once you have built an emergency fund, allocate a portion of your income towards systematic savings and investments.
Consider investing in tax-efficient instruments like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to optimize tax benefits while generating potential long-term returns.

Diversify your investment portfolio across asset classes such as equity, debt, and gold to mitigate risk and enhance overall returns.

Insurance Coverage:
Review your existing insurance coverage, including life, health, and property insurance, to ensure adequate protection for your family and assets.
Consider purchasing term insurance policies to provide financial security to your dependents in the event of any unforeseen circumstances.

Financial Planning:
Engage the services of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to develop a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your specific goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.
Work with your financial planner to set clear objectives, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth accumulation, and devise a strategy to achieve them systematically.

Budgeting and Expense Management:
Track your monthly expenses diligently to identify areas where you can optimize spending and redirect savings towards debt repayment and investments.
Create a realistic budget that accounts for all essential expenses, loan repayments, savings, and discretionary spending.

Future Financial Goals:
Define your long-term financial goals, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth creation, and allocate resources accordingly.
Regularly review your financial plan with your spouse and adjust strategies as needed based on changing circumstances and priorities.

By adopting a disciplined approach to debt management, savings, and investment planning, you can gradually improve your financial health and work towards achieving your long-term financial objectives. Consulting with a qualified financial advisor or planner can provide valuable guidance and support in navigating complex financial decisions and optimizing your overall financial well-being.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi , I am 44 yrs old and having working wife and two son of 17 yrs & 5 yrs... elder son is down syndrom.. joint monthly take home is 2 lacs.. having 85 lacs of mutual fund.. 18 lacs in PPF, 32 lacs in EPF, & around 25 lacs in others like FD, saving, shares etc.. monthly saving around 1.2 lacs including 75K SIP, 18K PPF, 25K EPF etc... Having Own home at my native place.... Want to know that should I go for new Flat purchase at location where I am residing in rented house of monthly 14K excluding electricity or continue my investment in place of Home loan... I hv opted new tax slab and my wife is in old tax... my target to have 15 CR at the age of 60
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Income and Savings
Your combined monthly take-home income is Rs. 2 lakhs. Your current savings include:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 85 lakhs
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs. 18 lakhs
Employees’ Provident Fund (EPF): Rs. 32 lakhs
Other Investments (FD, Savings, Shares): Rs. 25 lakhs
Your monthly savings distribution is as follows:

SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 75,000
PPF: Rs. 18,000
EPF: Rs. 25,000
You live in a rented house with a rent of Rs. 14,000 per month.

Evaluating the Decision to Buy a New Flat
Current Housing Situation
Living in a rented house at Rs. 14,000 per month is relatively affordable, especially given your high monthly income. Renting provides flexibility and lower maintenance costs compared to owning.

Financial Impact of Buying a New Flat
Purchasing a new flat would involve a significant financial commitment, including a home loan, maintenance costs, property taxes, and other associated expenses. This would reduce your investable surplus and potentially impact your ability to meet your financial goals.

Comparative Analysis: Rent vs. Buy
Renting: Offers flexibility, lower upfront costs, and avoids long-term debt.
Buying: Provides stability and potential appreciation in property value but requires a large financial commitment and ongoing expenses.
Long-term Financial Goals
Target: Rs. 15 Crores by Age 60
To achieve your target of Rs. 15 crores by age 60, you need to focus on maximizing your investments' growth while maintaining a balanced risk profile.

Current Investments and Growth Potential
Mutual Funds: Your Rs. 85 lakhs in mutual funds can grow substantially with continued SIPs and market performance.
PPF and EPF: These provide stable, long-term growth with tax benefits, contributing to your retirement corpus.
Other Investments: FDs, savings, and shares add diversification but should be reviewed for optimal growth potential.
Investment Strategy
Enhancing SIP Contributions
Continuing and potentially increasing your SIP contributions will leverage the power of compounding. Focus on a mix of equity and debt funds to balance growth and risk.

Recommendation: Consider increasing your SIP by a percentage each year to keep pace with inflation and maximize returns.
Diversification and Rebalancing
Ensure your portfolio is diversified across various asset classes to minimize risk and optimize returns. Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your financial goals.

Recommendation: Include large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds for equity exposure. Balance with debt funds for stability.
Utilising Tax-efficient Investments
Maximize your contributions to tax-efficient instruments like PPF and EPF. These not only provide stable returns but also offer significant tax benefits.

Recommendation: Continue maximizing your PPF contributions and ensure your EPF contributions are optimized.
Emergency Fund Management
Maintaining a robust emergency fund is crucial. Your current Rs. 25 lakhs in FD and savings can be used to cover unexpected expenses.

Recommendation: Keep at least 6-12 months of living expenses in easily accessible liquid assets.
Estate Planning and Insurance
Life and Health Insurance
Ensure adequate life and health insurance coverage for your family, especially considering your elder son's needs. This will protect your family's financial stability in case of unforeseen events.

Recommendation: Opt for a comprehensive health insurance plan and term insurance for sufficient coverage.
Estate Planning
Create a comprehensive estate plan, including a will, to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes and your family is taken care of.

Recommendation: Consult a legal expert to draft a will and set up any necessary trusts.
Education and Future Planning for Children
Special Needs Planning
Given your elder son's Down syndrome, consider creating a financial plan that ensures his long-term care and support.

Recommendation: Look into setting up a special needs trust and explore government schemes and benefits available for children with disabilities.
Education Fund for Younger Son
Start a dedicated investment plan for your younger son's education. This can include child-specific mutual funds or education-focused investment plans.

Recommendation: Allocate a portion of your monthly savings towards an education fund.
Final Insights
Given your strong financial position and disciplined saving habits, you are well on your way to achieving your long-term goals. However, buying a new flat at this stage might not be the best financial decision if it significantly impacts your investment capacity.

Focusing on growing your investment portfolio and maintaining a balanced, diversified approach will help you accumulate the desired Rs. 15 crores by age 60. Ensuring adequate insurance coverage and planning for your elder son's special needs will further secure your family's future.

Stay disciplined with your investments, periodically review your portfolio, and make adjustments as needed to stay on track. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice and help optimize your financial strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, i have gone through the below articles and thought of asking an advice and infeel.its right forum . I Have 45lac PF and 50 lack deposites , also i have verious MF 10 lackh, NPs 6+ Lakck, SBI elight scheme 10 lack, Axis I paid 5 lakh like every year 1 lakh i pay for 10 years , sbi mutual sip/insurance 6+ lakh , also , 50 lack worth of plot. My ask now, sir is it right time to buy a car worth of 27 lakhs with the down payment of 10 lakh (.which i have additional ) or am taking a risk?? I have currently home loan for 9 lakhs which i pay 25k per month ( the home property cost may be 1.2 cr) ??am not sure am.i clear with all details.. please advice sir..
Ans: Let’s first look at the assets and liabilities you currently have:

Provident Fund (PF): Rs 45 lakhs
Fixed Deposits: Rs 50 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 10 lakhs
National Pension Scheme (NPS): Rs 6 lakhs
SBI Elite Scheme: Rs 10 lakhs
Axis policy: Rs 5 lakhs (paying Rs 1 lakh per year for 10 years)
SBI Mutual SIP/Insurance: Rs 6 lakhs
Plot of Land: Rs 50 lakhs
Home Loan: Rs 9 lakhs (EMI of Rs 25,000 per month)
You also mentioned that you have an additional Rs 10 lakhs which you are considering for a down payment on a new car worth Rs 27 lakhs.

This is a very good base of financial assets. Let’s assess whether buying a car right now is a wise decision based on your current financial standing and future needs.

Evaluating the Car Purchase

Buying a car is often an emotional decision, but it’s also a big financial commitment. You’re considering a down payment of Rs 10 lakhs for a car worth Rs 27 lakhs. Let’s break down the key factors:

Liquidity Impact:
You plan to use Rs 10 lakhs from your available funds for the car down payment. This amount is a significant chunk of your liquidity. Reducing your liquid cash could make it harder to cover any unexpected expenses.

EMI Commitment:
If you finance the remaining Rs 17 lakhs, your EMI could be between Rs 35,000 to Rs 40,000 per month (assuming a typical car loan tenure and interest rate). This would add to your current EMI of Rs 25,000 for the home loan, bringing your total EMI commitment to around Rs 60,000 to Rs 65,000 per month.

Total Monthly Outflow:
You may want to consider your total outflow, including living expenses, EMIs, and any other financial responsibilities. It’s crucial to ensure that your monthly cash flow can comfortably accommodate all these commitments without stretching your budget.

Asset Depreciation:
A car is a depreciating asset. Over the years, its value will decline, and it will not contribute to your wealth-building efforts. Meanwhile, your existing investments like mutual funds, PF, and NPS will continue to grow in value.

Alternative Use of Funds:
The Rs 10 lakhs down payment could alternatively be invested in a high-return investment option. Over time, this could help you achieve long-term financial goals more effectively.

Assessment of Current Loan Situation

You currently have a home loan of Rs 9 lakhs, which is manageable. The property’s value (Rs 1.2 crore) far outweighs the loan, which is positive. However, adding another loan in the form of a car EMI will increase your monthly financial burden.

At present, you are paying Rs 25,000 per month for the home loan. If you go for the car loan, the total EMI commitment will rise significantly. It’s important to ask yourself if you are comfortable with this higher commitment.

Insurance Policies: Reviewing SBI Elite Scheme and Axis Policy

Both the SBI Elite Scheme and Axis Policy require attention. These are investment-cum-insurance products, and such products often do not deliver the best returns. They also come with higher costs and offer limited flexibility in terms of withdrawals.

SBI Elite Scheme: You have Rs 10 lakhs invested here. While it may have some insurance benefits, the returns might not be competitive compared to mutual funds or other pure investment products.

Axis Policy: You are paying Rs 1 lakh annually for this policy. Over 10 years, you will have contributed Rs 10 lakhs. It’s important to check if the returns are aligned with your goals.

Consider reviewing both policies with the help of a Certified Financial Planner to assess if continuing them is beneficial. If they are underperforming, you may want to consider surrendering them and reinvesting in more flexible and higher-return instruments like mutual funds.

Asset Allocation and Diversification

You currently have a good mix of assets, including:

Fixed Deposits
Provident Fund
Mutual Funds
NPS
Real Estate
However, it’s important to ensure that your asset allocation aligns with your risk tolerance, liquidity needs, and future goals. For instance:

Fixed Deposits:
While safe, they offer lower returns compared to mutual funds or equities, especially in the long run. As inflation rises, the real returns on fixed deposits diminish.

Provident Fund and NPS:
Both these assets offer long-term growth but have limited liquidity. They are ideal for retirement planning, but you cannot rely on them for immediate needs like the car purchase.

Mutual Funds:
Your mutual fund investments of Rs 10 lakhs are valuable growth assets. However, you could review their performance and consider reallocating to more actively managed funds for better returns.

Car Purchase: Is It a Risk?

To answer your direct question: Is buying the car right now a risk? Based on the analysis, here’s what I think:

Monthly EMI Burden:
The new car EMI will significantly increase your monthly outflow. It’s essential to ensure that you can comfortably afford this without compromising your savings or future investments.

Impact on Liquidity:
The Rs 10 lakhs down payment will reduce your liquid reserves. You still have FDs, but those might be tied up for long periods or may not give the best returns if broken early.

Wealth-Building Impact:
Investing the Rs 10 lakhs in growth assets like mutual funds could help you build wealth faster. A car, being a depreciating asset, will not contribute to wealth creation.

If the car is a necessity and you have carefully assessed your cash flow, you could go ahead. But if it’s a desire that can wait, consider postponing the purchase. Instead, focus on building more liquid wealth to cover future goals like your home loan repayment or emergency needs.

Final Insights

Buying a Rs 27-lakh car is a significant financial decision. While you have a strong financial base, the added EMI burden and liquidity impact should be considered carefully.

Your existing investments are solid, but there’s room for optimization. I would recommend revisiting your insurance-cum-investment policies. A Certified Financial Planner can help review these and guide you toward better investment strategies.

Consider delaying the car purchase if it’s not urgent. Use the Rs 10 lakhs for investments that could offer better returns over time. This way, you’ll strengthen your financial position and have more flexibility for future big-ticket purchases.

In short: Evaluate your monthly cash flow and risk tolerance. If you're comfortable with the increased EMI, go ahead. But, if you feel stretched, it’s better to wait and focus on building more liquid assets.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Relationship
Hello sir/ma'am, i am 24 yrs old and my boy friend 25 yrs old.I met him in a friendly chat app .We were talking on calls,texting and video calls and met each other in real after a 1 yr of relationship.He is the first guy and love in my life and want to marry him.I even made my family to agree for our marriage.He too says he loves me so much and has imagined his life with me and want to marry me.He even told his parents will stick on to whatever he says.He hasn't yet conveyed to his parents yet and told he will introduce to them after his younger sister marriage.We both are students still. I recently found that,he goes to the chat apps again and chats to other girls.When i asked ..he told just friends and even questioned me saying don't u have guy friends? and don't u meet them?....i told him u r the first guy n i dont have any. When our relationship has gone till marriage...why is that he wants to chat to multiple girls?...Now,i started feeling like he doesn't love me as he expressed. He even had past 3 online relationships n all 3 breakups,he told all these before..he told i am the first girl in real life.. I am worried now.Why do guys chat with multiple girls though they are in a serious relation?..does he really love or is it a game? No physical between us.We just met once in a temple and he just kissed my hands while we are going back and got very emotional while he was about to leave. I am worried..what should i do?.please,suggest.
Ans: Dear Ammarao,
Not all men chat with multiple women when they are serious about their relationship. Some might, but most men in exclusive relationships don't continue chatting. If his chats are truly friendly, there isn't much to worry about. But if you think there is more to it, I would suggest you reconsider the relationship.

Please talk to him directly and ask him if these women are only friends and if they know he is in a committed relationship. If he is being too defensive, you can tell him that in a relationship, it is also important to focus on what your partner is comfortable with. If you do not like these online friendships, communicate it to him.

I hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025Hindi
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Recently, I (28M) had surgery and have been bedridden for 15 days. During this time, my girlfriend told me her female friend wanted to meet up with a guy. This guy was bringing along a male friend whom I’ve asked my girlfriend to avoid in the past because he tends to get touchy with her. They planned to stay in a hotel, and her friend wanted to be with the guy at night, meaning my girlfriend and the touchy guy would likely share a single room. A couple of days before the trip, she asked me if she should go. I told her it was her choice but made it clear I wasn’t happy about it. Despite that, she went, and when I confronted her, she gave responses like: • “I didn’t invite the touchy guy; the other guy did.” • “Just because you’re bedridden, you don’t want me to go outside.” • “I didn’t touch him; he got touchy with me.” Yeah, maybe I’m jealous or overthinking, but this whole situation has made me unsure about marriage altogether. Am I overreacting?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I really cannot comment if you are overreacting or have every reason to feel this way without knowing a bit more about the entire situation. But what I can tell is that you should communicate your feelings to your partner. Let her know that while maintaining individuality or pursuing individual wishes in a relationship is important, it is equally important to pay heed to what makes your partner uncomfortable. Your request, from what information you have provided, seemed reasonable, while her reasoning that it is the guy's fault, not hers also makes perfect sense. So I think the best course of action is to let the situation calm down and have an open conversation. Could she have avoided this meetup to make you happy? Yes. But, she could've thought that if she avoids one thing for your happiness, you might start asking her to give up more things in the future, which is a real issue in many relationships. I think it is important to clear up all of these concerns and feelings before moving on with lifelong commitment.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

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Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

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Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
Listen
Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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