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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Ramakrishnan Question by Ramakrishnan on Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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I will retire this year at the age of 63. Will have a corpus of around 3 crores out of which I want to have a yearly return of at least 18 lakhs to take care of monthly expenses. How do you suggest to invest ??

Ans: Congratulations on reaching this significant milestone of retirement! With a corpus of 3 crores and a goal of generating an annual income of 18 lakhs, thoughtful investment planning is key. Here's a tailored approach to help you achieve your financial objectives:

Diversify your investments across various asset classes, including equities and fixed income securities, to mitigate risk and enhance returns.

Allocate a portion of your corpus to actively managed equity funds. These funds have the potential to outperform the market, especially during periods of market inefficiencies, offering you the opportunity for higher returns.

Avoid direct funds investing. They may require active management, expertise, and time, which could be challenging, especially during your retirement phase. Instead, consider investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can guide you in selecting the right mutual fund distributors (MFDs).

Fixed income investments such as bonds and debt mutual funds can provide stability and regular income. Allocate a significant portion of your corpus to these instruments to meet your income requirements.

Regular review and rebalancing of your portfolio are essential to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Consider periodic consultations with your CFP to make any necessary adjustments.

Stay informed about market trends and economic developments. Keeping yourself updated will empower you to make informed decisions regarding your investments.

Remember, investing is a journey, and it's essential to remain patient and disciplined. With careful planning and prudent investment decisions, you can enjoy a financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir, I am 33 years old working as a software professional. I have a mothly SIPs that I started earlier this year of 30000 rupees which was divided into 10000 rs for ICICI Prudential bluechip fund direct growth large cap, 10000 rs for motilal oswal midcap and 5000 rs each in Quant small cap and Aditya birla sunlife PSU fund. Along with this I have couple of life insurance policies with LIC on my name and one each for my wife and kid altogether I'm paying premium of 3 lakhs per annum. I also invested in real estate and bought a land worth 40 lakhs. I'm planning for my retirement at the age of 45 and want to know best ways for investment to build my corpus and earn 2 lakhs per month from it post retirement which suffices my needs adjusting to inflation.
Ans: Your commitment to securing your financial future is commendable, and your portfolio reflects a mix of investments. Let's analyze your current strategy and chart a path towards your retirement goal.

Starting with your SIPs, allocating funds across different categories like large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap indicates a balanced approach to risk and growth. However, it's essential to review your portfolio periodically to ensure it aligns with your changing goals and market conditions.

There are some advantages to consider direct funds, and the cost savings can be significant in the long run. However, there are some potential benefits to using a regular MFD:

Advantages of Investing Through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):

• Personalized Advice: MFDs can be helpful for beginners or those who lack investment knowledge. They can assess your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon to recommend suitable mutual funds. This personalized guidance can be valuable, especially if you're new to investing.
• Convenience: MFDs handle all the paperwork and transactions on your behalf, saving you time and effort. They can help with account setup, SIP registrations, and managing your portfolio across different funds.
• Investor Support: MFDs can be a point of contact for any questions or concerns you may have about your investments. They can provide ongoing support and guidance throughout your investment journey.


Your life insurance policies provide financial protection for your family, which is crucial. However, it's advisable to evaluate if the coverage meets your evolving needs and if there are more cost-effective options available.

Investing in real estate can be lucrative, but it comes with its own set of challenges like liquidity issues and market volatility. Considering your retirement goal, diversifying your investments beyond real estate might be prudent.

To achieve your retirement target of ?2 lakhs per month adjusted for inflation, you'll need a substantial corpus. Considering your age and retirement timeline, investing in a mix of equity, debt, and other asset classes is essential.

Since you're aiming for early retirement, focusing on growth-oriented investments with higher returns potential could be beneficial. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner can help fine-tune your strategy and maximize returns while managing risks.

Additionally, exploring tax-efficient investment avenues like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and PPF can optimize your tax outgo and enhance your corpus over time.

Remember, building a retirement corpus requires discipline, patience, and a well-thought-out strategy. Stay committed to your savings plan and adapt to changes in your financial landscape.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Money
Hi, I will be retiring in August this year. Can you please suggest a good investment options for a corpus of Rs. 80 lakhs so that I may be able to get a yearly return of around 10%.
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Goals
Current Financial Status
• You are retiring in August this year.
• You have a corpus of Rs 80 lakhs.
• You seek a yearly return of around 10%.
Financial Goals
• Generate a stable income post-retirement.
• Preserve capital while earning decent returns.
• Manage risks and ensure liquidity for emergencies.
Analyzing Investment Options
Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are a great way to diversify your investments and balance risk.
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks. They have the potential to deliver high returns but come with higher risk.
• Suitable for long-term growth.
• Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
• Review fund performance regularly.
Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities. They offer stability and moderate returns.
• Lower risk compared to equity funds.
• Suitable for generating regular income.
• Diversify across short-term, medium-term, and long-term debt funds.
Balanced or Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt. They balance growth and stability.
• Suitable for moderate risk tolerance.
• Provide growth potential and regular income.
• Diversify across balanced advantage, aggressive hybrid, and conservative hybrid funds.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
SWP is a way to withdraw a fixed amount regularly from mutual funds.
• Provides regular income.
• Keeps your principal investment growing.
• Suitable for post-retirement income needs.
Detailed Investment Strategy
Step 1: Allocate Your Corpus
Allocate your Rs 80 lakhs across different mutual fund categories.
Equity Mutual Funds
• Allocate 40% to equity mutual funds.
• Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
• Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.
Debt Mutual Funds
• Allocate 40% to debt mutual funds.
• Choose short-term, medium-term, and long-term debt funds.
• Ensure liquidity and stability in your portfolio.
Balanced or Hybrid Funds
• Allocate 20% to balanced or hybrid funds.
• Choose funds that match your risk tolerance.
• Benefit from both equity growth and debt stability.
Step 2: Implement Systematic Withdrawal Plan
Use SWP to generate regular income from your mutual fund investments.
• Set a monthly withdrawal amount that meets your needs.
• Ensure the remaining investment continues to grow.
• Adjust withdrawal amounts based on market conditions.
Step 3: Monitor and Review
Regularly monitor and review your investment portfolio.
• Keep track of fund performance.
• Rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals.
• Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice.
Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification
Mutual funds allow you to diversify across various assets, reducing risk.
• Spread investments across different sectors and securities.
• Reduce impact of poor performance in any single asset.
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experienced fund managers.
• Benefit from their expertise and market knowledge.
• Focus on achieving your financial goals.
Liquidity
Mutual funds offer high liquidity compared to other investment options.
• Easily redeem units when needed.
• Manage emergencies without affecting overall investment.
Tax Efficiency
Certain mutual funds offer tax benefits.
• Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS) provides tax deductions.
• Long-term capital gains are taxed at lower rates.
Transparency
Mutual funds provide regular updates on performance.
• Access detailed information about your investments.
• Stay informed and make better financial decisions.
Risks and Considerations
Market Risk
Equity mutual funds are subject to market volatility.
• Understand your risk tolerance.
• Diversify to minimize impact.
Credit Risk
Debt mutual funds carry credit risk from underlying securities.
• Choose high-quality funds.
• Monitor credit ratings of fund holdings.
Interest Rate Risk
Debt mutual funds are affected by interest rate changes.
• Diversify across different maturities.
• Monitor interest rate trends.
Inflation Risk
Inflation can erode purchasing power of returns.
• Invest in equity funds for long-term growth.
• Ensure returns beat inflation.
Managing Risks
Diversification
Diversify across various mutual fund categories.
• Spread investments across different asset classes.
• Balance risk and return effectively.
Regular Review
Regularly review and adjust your portfolio.
• Stay aligned with market conditions.
• Ensure investments meet your financial goals.
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses.
• Keep 6-12 months of expenses in liquid funds.
• Avoid disrupting your main investment corpus.
Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice.
• Benefit from professional expertise.
• Make informed financial decisions.
Power of Compounding
Long-Term Growth
Compounding helps grow your investments over time.
• Reinvest returns to generate more returns.
• Benefit from exponential growth.
Early Investment
Start investing early to maximize compounding benefits.
• Longer investment horizon enhances growth.
• Regular investments build a substantial corpus.
Systematic Investment
Invest regularly through SIPs to leverage compounding.
• Consistent investments boost returns.
• Stay disciplined and avoid market timing.
Final Insights
Consistency and Discipline
Stay consistent with your investments.
• Regular investments ensure steady growth.
• Avoid withdrawing prematurely.
Long-Term Perspective
Keep a long-term perspective.
• Avoid making decisions based on short-term market fluctuations.
• Let your investments grow.
Financial Security
By managing your investments wisely, you can achieve financial security.
• Balance risk and return.
• Ensure a comfortable post-retirement life.
Professional Support
Seek professional support when needed.
• Consult a CFP for personalized advice.
• Make informed financial decisions.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Money
Hello Sir I am 34 with net monthly salary of 86000 in a government job . I am having an agricultural land worth 50 lakhs. I am having approximately 18 lakhs in NPS. Liquid cash of 6 lakhs in FD and Gold jwellery of 8 lakhs. A vehicle loan and personal loan total of Rs. 14 lakhs. I want to retire after 42 with a monthly income of 1.5 lakh and corpus of atleast 3 crore. I love travelling and planning to visit one foreign country once in 3 year, so a substantial amount of money is required for travelling. How and where should I invest money to receive a corpus of 3 crores and monthly income of 1.5 lakh at the age of 42 ??
Ans: It’s wonderful to see you thinking about your future and planning your retirement at 42. With your current financial status, let’s work on a comprehensive plan to help you achieve your goals.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Income and Expenses
Your net monthly salary is Rs 86,000. You have a vehicle and personal loan totaling Rs 14 lakh.

Current Assets
Agricultural land worth Rs 50 lakh
Rs 18 lakh in NPS
Rs 6 lakh in FD
Gold jewellery worth Rs 8 lakh
Liabilities
Rs 14 lakh in loans
Financial Goals
Retire at 42 with a corpus of Rs 3 crore
Monthly income of Rs 1.5 lakh post-retirement
Travel internationally every three years
Building a Strong Financial Foundation
Creating a Budget
Creating a detailed budget is essential. It helps you understand your cash flow and identify savings opportunities.

Fixed Expenses
Loan EMIs
Household expenses
Essential bills
Variable Expenses
Discretionary spending
Travel fund
Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial. Aim to save at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. This fund should be in a liquid, easily accessible account.

Paying Off Debt
Focus on paying off your Rs 14 lakh loan as soon as possible. This will free up more funds for savings and investments.

Extra Payments
If possible, make extra payments towards your loan principal. This reduces the overall interest paid and shortens the loan tenure.

Savings and Investment Strategies
Starting with Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are a great way to start investing. They offer professional management and diversification. Begin with a SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) to invest a fixed amount regularly.

Types of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Invest in stocks; higher risk, higher return.
Debt Funds: Invest in bonds; lower risk, stable return.
Hybrid Funds: Mix of equity and debt; balanced risk and return.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform index funds because they are managed by professionals who make investment decisions based on market conditions.

National Pension System (NPS)
NPS is a retirement-focused investment that offers tax benefits. It invests in a mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe, long-term investment with tax benefits. You can invest up to Rs 1.5 lakh per year, and the interest earned is tax-free.

Increasing SIP Contributions
As your income grows, increase your SIP contributions. This leverages the power of compounding, helping your investments grow over time.

Planning for Major Life Goals
Home Purchase
If you plan to buy a home, start saving for a down payment. Consider a combination of savings and investments to build this fund.

Children’s Education
Education costs are rising. Start an education fund for your children early to take advantage of compounding.

Retirement Planning
You have about 8 years until retirement at 42. Start early to build a substantial retirement corpus. Diversify your investments across equity, debt, and other instruments.

Travelling Fund
Since you love traveling, create a separate fund for it. Allocate a portion of your monthly savings specifically for your travel expenses.

Risk Management and Insurance
Health Insurance
Health insurance is vital to protect against medical emergencies. Ensure you have adequate coverage for yourself and your family.

Life Insurance
Life insurance ensures financial security for your family in case of an unforeseen event. Term insurance is a cost-effective option.

Asset Allocation and Diversification
Diversification reduces risk. Allocate your investments across different asset classes to balance risk and return.

Example Portfolio Allocation
Equity: 50-60%
Debt: 30-40%
Others (PPF, NPS): 10-20%
Regular Portfolio Review
Review your investment portfolio regularly. Rebalance it based on your financial goals and market conditions.

Tax Planning
Tax-Efficient Investments
Invest in instruments that provide tax benefits, such as PPF, ELSS (Equity-Linked Savings Scheme), and NPS.

Utilizing Deductions
Maximize tax deductions under Section 80C, 80D, and other relevant sections to reduce your taxable income.

Final Insights
Securing your financial future requires discipline, planning, and regular investments. Here’s a summary of the steps to take:

Create a Budget: Track income and expenses to identify savings potential.
Build an Emergency Fund: Save 6-12 months of expenses for unexpected events.
Pay Off Debt: Prioritize loan repayment to free up more funds.
Start Investing: Begin with SIPs in mutual funds, PPF, and NPS.
Plan for Life Goals: Save for home purchase, children’s education, and retirement.
Manage Risk: Get adequate health and life insurance.
Diversify Investments: Allocate assets across equity, debt, and other instruments.
Regular Review: Monitor and rebalance your portfolio periodically.
Tax Planning: Invest in tax-efficient instruments and utilize deductions.
By following these steps, you can build a secure financial future and achieve your goals. Start today, stay disciplined, and regularly review your progress. Your future self will thank you!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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I am 62 and planning to retire. I have a corpus of 1.25 crore and need around Rs 75000 every month for expenses. What are the various avenues where I can invest and would fetch me the desired amount?
Ans: Retirement planning is crucial, especially when the goal is financial independence. Your corpus of Rs 1.25 crore and monthly need of Rs 75,000 require careful investment. The objective is to ensure the corpus lasts while meeting your expenses. Diversifying investments and balancing returns with risks is essential.

1. Emergency Fund Allocation

Allocate Rs 10 lakh to an emergency fund.
Invest this in liquid funds or high-interest savings accounts.
Ensure funds are accessible during emergencies.
2. Monthly Income Requirement Analysis

Your monthly need is Rs 75,000, or Rs 9 lakh annually.
This is around 7.2% of your total corpus.
Investments must generate this return without eroding the principal.
3. Systematic Withdrawal Through Debt Mutual Funds

Debt mutual funds provide stability and moderate returns.
They suit investors seeking steady cash flow.
Withdraw monthly using a systematic withdrawal plan.
Taxation Perspective

Gains from debt funds are taxed per your income slab.
Plan withdrawals efficiently to minimise tax.
4. Balanced Funds for Growth and Stability

Balanced funds invest in both equity and debt.
These offer potential growth and regular income.
They reduce risk while ensuring inflation-beating returns.
Why Avoid Index Funds?

Index funds lack flexibility in stock selection.
Actively managed funds provide better downside protection.
Fund managers can outperform during market fluctuations.
5. Actively Managed Equity Mutual Funds for Growth

Equity mutual funds can provide higher returns over time.
Opt for diversified funds managed by experienced professionals.
Use regular plans through mutual fund distributors with CFP credentials.
Why Choose Regular Funds?

Certified financial planners offer valuable guidance.
They assist in selecting funds tailored to your goals.
Direct funds lack this personalised support and expertise.
6. Fixed Income Options for Stability

Invest a portion in fixed deposits with reliable banks.
Senior Citizen Savings Schemes (SCSS) offer regular income.
Explore RBI floating-rate bonds for assured returns.
Benefits of Fixed Income Options

Low risk ensures stability.
These options supplement your core investment strategy.
7. Diversified Investment Portfolio

Allocate across equity, debt, and fixed income.
Diversification reduces risks and maximises returns.
Maintain liquidity for unplanned expenses.
8. Inflation Protection

Inflation erodes purchasing power over time.
Allocate 40–50% of your corpus to equity for growth.
Adjust allocations annually to maintain balance.
9. Periodic Portfolio Review

Review your investments every six months.
Adjust based on market conditions and life changes.
A Certified Financial Planner can guide these reviews.
10. Avoid Insurance-Cum-Investment Plans

If holding LIC or ULIP, consider surrendering them.
Reinvest proceeds into mutual funds for better growth.
Separate insurance and investment for clarity.
11. Health Insurance

Comprehensive health insurance is critical in retirement.
Avoid relying on savings for medical emergencies.
Ensure coverage meets inflation-adjusted medical costs.
12. Tax Planning and Efficiency

Structure investments to minimise tax outgo.
Utilise senior citizen exemptions and deductions wisely.
Keep track of the latest tax rules for financial decisions.
13. Creating a Will

Draft a clear and legally valid will.
Specify asset distribution to avoid future disputes.
Periodically update it as per life events.
Final Insights

Retirement planning is about ensuring financial independence and peace of mind. A diversified investment portfolio is key to balancing returns and stability. With disciplined management and regular reviews, your corpus can sustain your needs throughout retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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