Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Should I Sell My Residential Plot and Invest in a House and Commercial Land?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024Hindi
Money

Sir, I purchased a residential plot in 2018. Paying 6 monthly installment.Total amount paid with interest was 43,00000/- forty three lack. I have no residential house at present. Now the present price of that is 95,00000/- . Now I want to sell that and investing Rs 40,00000/- for residential house and balance in commercial land. please advise me.

Ans: You’ve achieved excellent appreciation on your plot investment, which is highly commendable. You now aim to sell this property and use part of the funds for a residential house while considering the rest for commercial land. Let’s analyse this plan from a Certified Financial Planner’s perspective. Here’s a 360-degree assessment to help you make a well-informed decision.

Capital Gains and Tax Implications
Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): As you bought the plot in 2018 and are selling it now, the capital gains qualify as long-term. Given the increased value, you may incur LTCG tax on the profit.

Exemptions: When reinvesting in a residential property, you can potentially claim exemption under Section 54F of the Income Tax Act. This exemption applies if the capital gain amount is reinvested in a residential house within a specified timeframe. Consulting with a tax advisor could optimize your tax efficiency here.

Analyzing Residential House Purchase
Primary Residence Investment: Using Rs 40 lakh for a residential house is a wise move, as it gives you a self-owned home, fulfilling a fundamental need. Without a current home, owning a residence enhances your long-term security and reduces rent expenses.

Long-Term Value: Owning a home can offer lifestyle stability, tax benefits, and asset value over time. However, as residential properties are typically less liquid and may have lower returns than other assets, it’s best to consider it a personal asset rather than an investment.

Considerations for Commercial Land Investment
Investing in commercial land may seem attractive due to potentially higher rental yields and appreciation rates. However, let’s evaluate it against alternative investment avenues.

Risk and Return: Commercial properties generally offer higher returns than residential properties but come with higher risks. Rental income from commercial spaces can be inconsistent based on economic conditions and tenant demand. It’s essential to assess if you’re comfortable with this risk.

Liquidity Concerns: Real estate, especially commercial property, is less liquid. Selling a commercial property may take time, and in down markets, you may not realize your expected price.

Maintenance and Management: Commercial properties often require more active management, legal clearances, and compliance checks. Unless you’re prepared for these responsibilities, this investment could become complex.

Exploring Alternative Investments for Growth
To maximize growth, diversifying your remaining funds into financial instruments can be beneficial. Here are a few alternatives:

1. Mutual Funds
Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed mutual funds, overseen by professional fund managers, have the potential for higher returns than index funds. Unlike passive index funds, active funds aim to outperform benchmarks, making them appealing for growth-focused investors.

Regular vs. Direct Funds: Regular funds come with guidance from a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) and a Certified Financial Planner, who can provide personalized advice. The convenience of a CFP-guided approach often outweighs the slightly higher fees compared to direct funds. Direct funds, while fee-saving, lack advisory benefits and can lead to suboptimal choices if not expertly managed.

2. Fixed Income Instruments
Corporate Bonds or Government Securities: These can provide steady income and safety for conservative investors. Interest rates vary based on the issuer and tenure, and they offer fixed returns over time.

Fixed Deposits (FDs): Bank FDs or other fixed-income options offer stability and liquidity. Though the return rates are modest, they add a stable component to your portfolio.

Debt Mutual Funds: For a moderate-risk approach, debt funds are ideal. Debt mutual funds invest in bonds and government securities, offering stability and potentially higher returns than FDs. Remember, debt funds are taxed as per your income slab.

3. Gold as a Hedge
Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs): Investing a small portion in SGBs diversifies your portfolio, providing a hedge against inflation. SGBs offer interest income and avoid the hassle of physical storage, making them an efficient gold investment.

Gold Mutual Funds and ETFs: Alternatively, gold mutual funds or ETFs provide liquidity and flexibility, though they may have slightly lower returns than physical gold or SGBs.

Evaluating Your Financial Goals and Needs
Based on your current objective, here’s a tailored roadmap to help meet your requirements:

Primary Residence Ownership: Prioritise the Rs 40 lakh towards a residential home purchase, fulfilling your immediate housing needs.

Enhanced Diversification: For the remaining funds, diversify between mutual funds, fixed-income products, and gold. This combination offers growth, stability, and inflation protection.

Balanced Liquidity and Growth: Consider liquid investments like mutual funds and FDs for accessible funds. These can support liquidity while generating returns.

Key Takeaways for a Secure Future
Avoid Concentration in Real Estate: Since you already hold residential and commercial property, too much allocation to real estate could limit liquidity and growth opportunities. Financial assets offer more flexibility.

Tax Optimization: By consulting a tax advisor, you can strategically reinvest and claim exemptions, optimizing your tax outgo while achieving your financial goals.

Active Monitoring and Review: Regularly review your portfolio, especially in mutual funds, with the assistance of a Certified Financial Planner. This ensures alignment with your goals and adapts to market changes.

Final Insights
Selling your plot offers a unique opportunity to balance asset allocation between real estate and financial assets. By investing in a residential property for personal use and diversifying into financial assets, you achieve both stability and growth potential.

Your disciplined approach to financial planning is commendable. With a balanced strategy, you can maximise both security and growth for a prosperous future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir maine ek residential flat 3690000 amount dekar 2018 me purchase Kiya tha jiske liye maine home loan 3000000 rupay liya tha.Ab maine ye flat 41lakh me may 2024 me sale kar diya h or 1550000/-rupay home loan de Diya h , ab mere pas home loan dekar 2550000/- amount bacha h , kya mai is amount 2550000/- se ek dusra flat Lena chahta hoon 2500000/-me , to ab kitna capital gain hoga ya nhi hoga .
Ans: Understanding Your Capital Gains Tax on Property Sale
Congratulations on the sale of your residential flat! Selling property involves understanding the financial implications, particularly regarding capital gains tax. Let's break down the process and implications step by step to ensure you have a clear understanding of your situation.

Calculating Capital Gains
Firstly, it's important to calculate the capital gains from the sale of your flat. You purchased the flat in 2018 for Rs 36,90,000 and sold it in May 2024 for Rs 41,00,000. The initial step involves determining the indexed cost of acquisition to account for inflation.

Indexed Cost of Acquisition Calculation

To calculate the indexed cost of acquisition, we use the Cost Inflation Index (CII) figures provided by the Income Tax Department. Assuming the CII for 2018-19 is 280 and for 2024-25 is 348:

Indexed Cost of Acquisition

Indexed Cost of Acquisition=45,88,500

Determining Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG)
Next, we calculate the long-term capital gains (LTCG):

LTCG=Sale Price−Indexed Cost of Acquisition

LTCG=41,00,000−45,88,500


LTCG=−4,88,500

In this case, there is no long-term capital gain but rather a capital loss of Rs 4,88,500, meaning you would not be liable for capital gains tax. This loss can be carried forward to offset capital gains in future years.

Using Sale Proceeds to Purchase Another Flat
You mentioned that you plan to use the remaining sale proceeds of Rs 25,50,000 to purchase another flat for Rs 25,00,000. This decision has several financial and tax implications:

Reinvestment in Property

Reinvesting the proceeds from the sale of a property into another property can be beneficial. According to Section 54 of the Income Tax Act, if you reinvest the gains from the sale of a residential property into another residential property within two years, you can claim an exemption from capital gains tax. However, since you incurred a capital loss in this transaction, the focus shifts to optimizing the use of your sale proceeds.

Financial Analysis and Assessment
Let's evaluate your financial position comprehensively:

Loan Repayment and Net Proceeds

You repaid Rs 15,50,000 of your home loan from the sale proceeds, leaving you with Rs 25,50,000. Using this amount to purchase a new flat for Rs 25,00,000 is a prudent decision as it ensures you have minimal out-of-pocket expenses.

Capital Loss Utilization

Given the capital loss of Rs 4,88,500, you can carry this forward for up to eight assessment years. This carried-forward loss can offset future capital gains, reducing your tax liability in those years. It's crucial to keep detailed records of this loss for future reference.

Empathetic and Professional Guidance
Your decision to reinvest in another property shows foresight and prudence. It's commendable that you're considering the financial and tax implications carefully. By analyzing your situation, we can see that you're on a sound financial path.

Recommendations for Future Planning
Diversifying Investments

While real estate can be a stable investment, diversifying your portfolio is advisable. Consider other investment options like mutual funds, which offer potential for growth and liquidity. Actively managed funds, in particular, provide professional management and have the potential to outperform index funds.

Certified Financial Planner Consultation

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you develop a comprehensive financial plan. A CFP can provide tailored advice on investment strategies, tax planning, and long-term financial goals. They can help you navigate complex financial decisions and optimize your portfolio for better returns.

Emergency Fund and Savings

Ensure you maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. A well-maintained emergency fund should cover 6-12 months of your living expenses. Additionally, allocate a portion of your income towards savings and investments to build wealth over time.

Insurance Coverage

Evaluate your insurance needs, including health, life, and property insurance. Adequate insurance coverage protects you and your family from financial uncertainties. If you hold LIC, ULIP, or investment-cum-insurance policies, consider consulting with a CFP to reassess their efficacy and explore better investment options.

Conclusion
Your decision to reinvest the proceeds from your property sale into another flat is a sound one. By understanding the capital gains tax implications and utilizing the capital loss effectively, you have optimized your financial position. Diversifying your investments and consulting with a Certified Financial Planner will further enhance your financial stability and growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 07, 2024

Money
Hi sir i had land , can i sell it put the money in mutal fund .... tq in advance
Ans: Thank you for your query. Selling land to invest in mutual funds can be a prudent financial decision. Let's explore this idea in detail, keeping your best interests in mind. I appreciate your forward-thinking approach and understand the significance of this decision for your financial future.

Understanding the Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer several advantages over real estate as an investment. They provide diversification, liquidity, professional management, and the potential for significant returns.

Diversification
Mutual funds invest in a variety of assets, including stocks and bonds. This diversification reduces risk, as poor performance in one asset is often balanced by better performance in another.

Liquidity
Mutual funds are highly liquid. You can redeem your investments at any time, unlike real estate, which can take months or even years to sell.

Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experienced fund managers. These professionals use their expertise to maximize returns, adjusting the portfolio as needed.

Evaluating Your Current Financial Position
Before proceeding, let's evaluate your current financial position. Understanding your overall financial health is crucial in making informed decisions.

Existing Assets and Liabilities
You own land and are considering selling it. Assess the current market value of your land. Determine if there are any outstanding loans or liabilities associated with it.

Financial Goals
Clearly define your financial goals. Are you looking for long-term growth, regular income, or capital preservation? Your goals will influence the type of mutual funds suitable for you.

Risk Tolerance
Assess your risk tolerance. Mutual funds come in various risk levels, from conservative debt funds to aggressive equity funds. Knowing your risk tolerance helps in selecting appropriate funds.

The Process of Selling Land
Selling land involves several steps. It’s important to follow a structured approach to maximize returns and ensure a smooth transaction.

Market Valuation
Get a professional valuation of your land. Understanding its market value helps in setting a realistic selling price.

Finding Buyers
Engage a real estate agent or use online platforms to find potential buyers. Effective marketing can attract serious buyers quickly.

Legal Considerations
Ensure all legal documentation is in place. This includes the title deed, tax receipts, and encumbrance certificate. Clear any legal issues before proceeding with the sale.

Finalizing the Sale
Negotiate with potential buyers to get the best price. Once agreed, complete the sale through a registered sale deed. Ensure all payments are received and documented.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Once the land is sold, the next step is to invest the proceeds wisely. Mutual funds offer various options tailored to different financial goals.

Types of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds come in several types, each with unique characteristics and benefits.

Equity Funds
Equity funds invest primarily in stocks. They offer high growth potential but come with higher risk. Suitable for long-term goals.

Debt Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and treasury bills. They provide stable returns with lower risk. Ideal for conservative investors.

Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in a mix of equity and debt. They balance risk and reward, suitable for moderate risk-takers.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, guided by expert fund managers, aim to outperform the market. They offer potential for higher returns, especially in volatile markets.

Expertise and Strategy
Fund managers use their expertise to make informed investment decisions. They actively monitor and adjust the portfolio based on market conditions.

Flexibility
Actively managed funds can adapt to market changes. This flexibility helps in capturing opportunities and mitigating risks effectively.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds aim to replicate market indices. They can be less responsive to market changes, potentially yielding lower returns during downturns. Actively managed funds leverage expert insights to navigate market fluctuations, aiming for better performance.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds, although lower in cost, might lack the personalized guidance offered by Mutual Fund Distributors (MFDs) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials. Regular funds provide professional advice, helping you make informed investment decisions tailored to your financial goals.

Step-by-Step Investment Plan
Here’s a step-by-step plan to invest the proceeds from selling your land into mutual funds.

Step 1: Determine Investment Amount
Calculate the net amount from the land sale after deducting any liabilities and transaction costs. This is your investable amount.

Step 2: Asset Allocation
Based on your risk tolerance and financial goals, decide the asset allocation between equity, debt, and hybrid funds. Diversification is key to balancing risk and return.

Step 3: Choose Mutual Funds
Select mutual funds that align with your investment goals. Look for funds with a good track record, consistent performance, and reputable fund managers.

Step 4: Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Consider investing through SIPs. This approach spreads your investment over time, reducing the impact of market volatility and leveraging rupee cost averaging.

Step 5: Monitor and Review
Regularly monitor your investments. Review the performance of your mutual funds periodically and make adjustments if necessary. Stay informed about market trends and economic factors that may affect your investments.

Potential Growth and Returns
Investing in mutual funds can potentially offer significant returns over the long term. Let’s illustrate with an example.

Assume you invest Rs.50 lacs from the land sale into mutual funds. If we consider an average annual return of 12%, here’s how your investment can grow over 10, 15, and 20 years.

10 Years
FV = PV × (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs.50,00,000
r = 12% annually
n = 10 years
FV = 50,00,000 × (1 + 0.12)^10

FV = 50,00,000 × 3.1058

FV = Rs.1,55,29,000

15 Years
FV = PV × (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs.50,00,000
r = 12% annually
n = 15 years
FV = 50,00,000 × (1 + 0.12)^15

FV = 50,00,000 × 5.4734

FV = Rs.2,73,67,000

20 Years
FV = PV × (1 + r)^n

Where:

PV = Rs.50,00,000
r = 12% annually
n = 20 years
FV = 50,00,000 × (1 + 0.12)^20

FV = 50,00,000 × 8.983

FV = Rs.4,49,15,000

Addressing Common Concerns
Market Volatility
Market volatility is a common concern for investors. However, staying invested for the long term can help ride out short-term fluctuations and benefit from overall market growth.

Inflation
Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have the potential to outpace inflation over the long term. They provide growth that can help preserve the purchasing power of your money.

Tax Efficiency
Mutual funds offer tax benefits, especially long-term capital gains (LTCG). Equity funds have a favorable tax regime, making them attractive for long-term investors.

Final Insights
Selling your land and investing the proceeds in mutual funds is a smart financial move. It offers diversification, liquidity, and the potential for significant returns. By following a structured investment plan and leveraging the expertise of fund managers, you can achieve your financial goals. Regular monitoring and periodic reviews will ensure your investments stay aligned with your objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Sir I retd teacher given vrs.i am having no savings.i am getting 42000 as monthly pension.i have personal loan 4lakhs and paying 17000 monthly.i have 5cent of land which if I sell I will get 25lakhs.i have no children.i am in my own house.i am getting 4000 as rent.my age is 55.if I sell the property I can live a comfortable life, but a person known to me is telling not to sell now.my only problem is that if i get money I have to spend for farm land.my husband is an officer and he earns about 1lakhs and have saving in pF . can I see the land and put a small amount in farm 2acres of land or can i wait.5cent is ideal.
Ans: Financial Position Assessment

You have a monthly pension of Rs. 42,000 and a personal loan of Rs. 4 lakhs with a monthly EMI of Rs. 17,000. You also receive Rs. 4,000 as rent. Your primary asset is 5 cents of land, valued at Rs. 25 lakhs.

You have no children and live in your own house. Your husband earns Rs. 1 lakh monthly and has savings in PF.

Debt Management

Prioritize repaying the personal loan. The high EMI reduces your disposable income. Consider using part of the land sale proceeds to clear this debt. This will relieve financial stress.

Asset Utilization

Selling your 5 cents of land could provide immediate liquidity. With Rs. 25 lakhs, you can clear your personal loan and still have a significant amount left. This could enhance your financial stability.

Investment Strategy

Instead of reinvesting in farmland, consider diversifying your investments. Farm land can be risky and illiquid. Here are some options to explore:

Mutual Funds: Opt for actively managed mutual funds. They offer potential for higher returns. They also provide professional management.
Fixed Deposits: For safety and guaranteed returns. They offer peace of mind.
Post Office Schemes: Safe and offer decent returns. Ideal for retired individuals.
Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): Offers regular interest payments. Safe and government-backed.
Income Generation

Continue renting out your property for Rs. 4,000 monthly. This provides a steady income stream.

Insurance Review

Review your insurance policies. Ensure adequate health and term insurance coverage. This protects against unforeseen events.

Husband's Contributions

Leverage your husband's income and savings. His PF savings can be a good backup. Plan together for a secure retirement.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner

A CFP can help you make informed decisions. They offer professional advice tailored to your needs.

Final Insights

Selling your land can provide immediate financial relief. It allows you to clear your personal loan and invest the remaining amount wisely. Diversifying your investments ensures financial stability and regular income.

Avoid reinvesting in farmland due to its risks. Leverage your husband's income and savings for a secure future. Consulting a CFP ensures you make the best decisions for your financial well-being.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x