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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
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Namaste....I am working in private company. I have 4 more years service. I want save money for my retirement life. Don't how. I can save 30 k every month now on words . Please guide me

Ans: Here's a comprehensive guide on how to save for your retirement with a monthly contribution of Rs. 30,000:

Assessment of Current Financial Situation:

Income and Expenses Evaluation:

Begin by assessing your current income and expenses to understand your financial capacity for saving Rs. 30,000 monthly.
Identify areas where you can potentially reduce expenses to free up more funds for saving.
Emergency Fund:

Before focusing on retirement savings, ensure you have an emergency fund equivalent to 3-6 months' worth of living expenses.
An emergency fund acts as a financial safety net during unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.
Retirement Planning Strategy:

Start Early:

With 4 years left until retirement, it's crucial to start saving and investing as early as possible.
The power of compounding allows your investments to grow significantly over time, especially with a longer investment horizon.
Investment Options:

Explore a diversified investment portfolio comprising equity mutual funds, debt funds, and other suitable investment avenues.
Equity mutual funds offer the potential for higher returns over the long term but come with higher volatility.
Debt funds provide stability and are less risky, making them suitable for preserving capital closer to retirement.
Asset Allocation:

Determine an appropriate asset allocation based on your risk tolerance, time horizon, and financial goals.
As you approach retirement, gradually shift towards a more conservative asset allocation to protect your capital from market fluctuations.
Regular Review:

Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your retirement goals and risk tolerance.
Rebalance your portfolio if necessary to maintain the desired asset allocation and optimize returns.
Consultation with a Certified Financial Planner:

Personalized Financial Plan:

Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can create a personalized retirement plan based on your financial situation and goals.
A CFP can help you identify suitable investment options, optimize tax efficiency, and navigate market fluctuations effectively.
Risk Management:

A CFP can assess your risk tolerance and recommend appropriate investment strategies to minimize downside risk while maximizing returns.
In conclusion, saving Rs. 30,000 monthly for retirement requires careful planning and disciplined investing. By starting early, diversifying your investment portfolio, and seeking professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner, you can work towards achieving your retirement goals effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
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Have retired 2 years ago and ahave savings close to 50 lacs. Need to have 30k every month to meet my expenses. Please guide me how to do the same with my savings.
Ans: You retired two years ago and have Rs. 50 lakh in savings. You need Rs. 30,000 monthly to meet your expenses. Let’s create a plan to generate this monthly income.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Fixed Deposits:

FDs are safe but offer lower returns.
Interest from FDs is fully taxable.
Other Savings:

Any savings that are not earning high returns need to be evaluated.
Investment Strategy for Monthly Income
1. Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs):

SWPs from mutual funds can provide regular income.
They offer tax efficiency compared to FDs.
You can choose the withdrawal amount and frequency.
2. Debt Mutual Funds:

Debt funds provide better returns than FDs.
They are less risky and offer stability.
Consider short-term or medium-term debt funds.
3. Senior Citizens' Savings Scheme (SCSS):

SCSS is a government-backed scheme.
It offers regular income and tax benefits.
You can invest a lump sum up to Rs. 15 lakh.
4. Monthly Income Plans (MIPs):

MIPs are hybrid funds with a mix of debt and equity.
They provide regular income with some growth potential.
They are less risky than pure equity funds.
5. Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS):

POMIS is a safe investment with regular monthly income.
It offers guaranteed returns.
You can invest up to Rs. 9 lakh jointly.
Recommended Allocation
Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs):

Invest Rs. 20 lakh in balanced or hybrid mutual funds.
Set up SWPs to withdraw a fixed amount monthly.
Debt Mutual Funds:

Invest Rs. 15 lakh in debt mutual funds.
Choose funds with a good track record and low risk.
Senior Citizens' Savings Scheme (SCSS):

Invest Rs. 15 lakh in SCSS.
This offers regular interest payments.
Setting Up Your Monthly Income
Calculate Monthly Needs:

Estimate your monthly expenses.
Ensure your investments generate enough income to cover these expenses.
Set Up Automated Withdrawals:

Automate SWPs and other monthly payouts.
This ensures consistent cash flow without manual intervention.
Additional Tips
1. Tax Efficiency:

Choose investments with tax-efficient returns.
SWPs and debt funds have lower tax liabilities than FDs.
2. Regular Review:

Review your portfolio every six months.
Adjust based on performance and changing needs.
3. Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund for unexpected expenses.
Ensure this fund covers at least six months of expenses.
4. Adequate Insurance:

Ensure you have sufficient health and life insurance.
Review your policies to ensure they meet your current needs.
Final Insights
You have Rs. 50 lakh in savings. To generate Rs. 30,000 monthly, diversify your investments. Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans, debt mutual funds, and government schemes to provide steady income. Regularly review your investments and adjust based on performance and needs.

Stay disciplined and review your investments regularly. This approach will help you achieve financial stability and a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 28yrs old , my monthly in-hand salary is 1lakh , currently I am paying previous personal loans after October I'm debt free , currently I am investing ELSS mutual funds monthly 5k and lic moneback policy for monthly 5k , and investing in gold monthly 6k . Suggest me how to save money which gave me bulk amount to buy a 3bhk house in metropolitan city and retirement plan.
Ans: Current Financial Situation

You are 28 years old with a monthly in-hand salary of Rs 1 lakh. You are currently paying off personal loans, which will be completed by October. Your current investments include Rs 5,000 in ELSS mutual funds, Rs 5,000 in a LIC moneyback policy, and Rs 6,000 in gold.

Post-Debt Investment Strategy

Once your loans are cleared, you will have more disposable income. This is an excellent opportunity to reallocate your funds towards achieving your goals.

Building a House Fund

Increase SIP in Mutual Funds:

Post-October, consider increasing your ELSS SIP. Additionally, diversify into other mutual funds like large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds. This will help you build a substantial corpus over time.
Liquid Funds for Short-Term Goals:

Park a portion of your savings in liquid funds. This ensures liquidity while earning better returns than a savings account.
Fixed Deposits (FDs):

Consider investing a part in FDs for a fixed return. This adds stability to your portfolio.

Retirement Planning

Diversified Mutual Funds:

Continue with your ELSS for tax benefits and long-term growth. Also, add balanced funds and debt funds to ensure a stable return.
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Start investing in PPF for safe, long-term returns and tax benefits. It has a lock-in period but offers attractive interest rates.
National Pension System (NPS):

Invest in NPS for retirement. It offers market-linked returns and additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B).

Reevaluate LIC Policy

LIC moneyback policies typically offer lower returns. Consider switching to term insurance for higher coverage at a lower premium. Redirect the savings into mutual funds for better returns.

Gold Investments

Gold is a good hedge but typically offers lower returns. Keep it as a smaller portion of your portfolio. Diversify into other assets for better growth.

Final Insights

To buy a 3BHK in a metropolitan city, you need a disciplined savings and investment approach. Increase your mutual fund SIPs post-debt, start a PPF and NPS, and reevaluate your LIC policy. Diversifying your investments will help you build a substantial corpus for both your house and retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
Money
I am ex Serviceman from Army since 2014. In thease days I am working. My first salary have came RS 28000/- and second salary in contractual job came Rs 18000/- but I have not save money till end of Month. My all pension and salary have finished after every 15 day of month. Can you suggest me how I save money in the last of month. Thank and regards.
Ans: I understand your situation and appreciate your service. Saving money can be challenging, especially when expenses come quickly. Let's explore how you can save money effectively by the end of each month.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Firstly, let's take a closer look at your current financial situation. You receive a pension and a salary. Your first salary was Rs. 28,000, and the second from a contractual job was Rs. 18,000. Despite this income, you find it hard to save money. This is a common issue, and we can work on it together.

Current Income and Expenses
Income: Your combined monthly income is from your pension and salary. Knowing the exact amount will help in planning.
Expenses: List all your expenses. Include rent, utilities, groceries, transportation, and other necessities. This helps in understanding where your money goes.
Analyzing Spending Patterns
It’s essential to analyze your spending patterns. This involves noting down every expense, no matter how small. You might discover areas where you can cut down.

Budgeting: The First Step to Saving
Creating a budget is the first step towards financial stability. A budget helps you track your income and expenses, ensuring you live within your means.

Creating a Budget
Track Income: Note down all sources of income, including your pension and salary.

List Expenses: Categorize your expenses. This includes fixed costs (rent, utilities) and variable costs (groceries, entertainment).

Set Limits: Allocate a specific amount for each category. Ensure you don’t exceed these limits.

Sticking to Your Budget
Monitor Spending: Regularly check your spending against your budget. Use apps or a simple notebook.

Adjust as Needed: If you overspend in one category, reduce spending in another to balance it out.

Identifying and Reducing Unnecessary Expenses
Sometimes, we spend on things we don’t really need. Identifying and reducing these expenses can free up money for savings.

Common Unnecessary Expenses
Dining Out: Eating out frequently can be costly. Cooking at home is a cheaper alternative.

Entertainment: Limit spending on movies, events, and other entertainment. Look for free or low-cost alternatives.

Subscriptions: Cancel unused subscriptions. These can include magazines, streaming services, and gym memberships.

Cutting Down Costs
Grocery Shopping: Make a list before going to the store. Stick to it to avoid impulse purchases.

Utilities: Save on electricity and water by being mindful of usage. Small changes can lead to significant savings.

Transportation: Use public transport or carpool to reduce fuel costs.

Saving Strategies: Building a Financial Cushion
Once you have a budget and have cut unnecessary expenses, it’s time to focus on saving strategies.

Paying Yourself First
This means setting aside a portion of your income for savings before spending on anything else.

Automatic Transfers: Set up automatic transfers to a savings account. This ensures you save without thinking about it.

Percentage of Income: Aim to save at least 10-15% of your income. Adjust this percentage based on your financial situation.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial. It covers unexpected expenses like medical emergencies, car repairs, or job loss.

Starting Small: Begin by saving Rs. 1,000 and gradually build up to cover 3-6 months of expenses.

Accessible Account: Keep this fund in a separate, easily accessible account.

Investment Options: Growing Your Savings
While saving is important, investing helps grow your money over time. Let’s explore some safe and effective investment options.

Mutual Funds: A Wise Choice
Mutual funds are managed by professionals and offer diversification.

Benefits: They provide exposure to various assets, reducing risk. Mutual funds are easier to manage compared to direct stock investments.

Types: Consider equity, debt, and balanced funds based on your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Investing in mutual funds through a SIP ensures disciplined investing.

Regular Investment: You invest a fixed amount regularly. This helps in averaging out the cost and reduces the impact of market volatility.

Long-Term Growth: SIPs are ideal for long-term goals like retirement or children’s education.

Debt Management: Reducing Financial Burden
Managing and reducing debt is crucial for financial stability. High-interest debts can drain your finances.

Prioritizing Debts
High-Interest Debt: Focus on paying off high-interest debt first. This includes credit card debt and personal loans.

Consolidating Debt: Consider consolidating multiple debts into one with a lower interest rate. This simplifies repayment and can reduce overall interest costs.

Debt Repayment Strategies
Snowball Method: Pay off the smallest debt first. Once cleared, move to the next smallest. This builds momentum and motivation.

Avalanche Method: Pay off the highest interest debt first. This method saves more money on interest in the long run.

Planning for the Future
Planning for the future ensures financial security. This includes retirement planning and insurance.

Retirement Planning
Regular Contributions: Contribute regularly to a retirement fund. This ensures you have enough saved for retirement.

Investment Mix: Diversify your investments to balance risk and return. Include mutual funds, fixed deposits, and government schemes.

Insurance
Life Insurance: Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage. It protects your family in case of an unexpected event.

Health Insurance: Health insurance covers medical expenses and prevents financial strain due to illness or injury.

Financial Discipline: Key to Long-Term Success
Financial discipline is essential for achieving your financial goals. This involves consistent effort and making informed decisions.

Consistent Saving
Monthly Savings Goal: Set a monthly savings goal. Strive to meet or exceed it.

Track Progress: Monitor your savings progress regularly. Adjust your budget and spending habits as needed.

Making Informed Decisions
Research Investments: Before investing, research thoroughly. Understand the risks and potential returns.

Seek Advice: Consult a certified financial planner for expert advice. They can help tailor a plan to your specific needs and goals.

Final Insights
Saving money can be challenging, but it’s possible with the right strategies. Here’s a summary of the steps you can take:

Create a Budget: Track your income and expenses. Set limits and stick to them.

Reduce Unnecessary Expenses: Identify and cut down on non-essential spending.

Save Regularly: Pay yourself first. Set up automatic transfers to a savings account.

Build an Emergency Fund: Start small and gradually build up to cover 3-6 months of expenses.

Invest Wisely: Consider mutual funds and SIPs for long-term growth.

Manage Debt: Prioritize and pay off high-interest debt. Consider consolidation if beneficial.

Plan for the Future: Regularly contribute to retirement funds and ensure adequate insurance coverage.

Maintain Financial Discipline: Set monthly savings goals and track progress. Make informed decisions and seek expert advice when needed.

By following these steps, you can achieve financial stability and peace of mind. Remember, small changes can lead to significant results over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Hi Madam, I'm 60,retired, my wife is 47, our son is 23. I had love marriage and was leading a happy married life. Just after silver jubilee of our wedding anniversary I accidentally came to know that my wife is madly in love with one of our common married friend who runs a simple shop. Upon investigation I found that they are in relation for last 12 years and were enjoying sex in my own house for such a long time. He hails from an uneducated family and is not even cultured. I could not believe that the wife of a highly educated socially respected man could do this with a shopkeeper who does not have any socio economic status. I am living a normal life with my wife for the sake of our only child. Once he settles in life I have decided to end my life. Ofcourse I still love her as ours was a love marriage. I seek your wise suggestion in this regard, should I divorce her or live a normal life that we are doing?
Ans: Dear Shristi,
It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
If she doesn't, then you need to make her aware and yes, do ask her whether she is interested at all in the marriage. That will give you an idea as to whether things are worth fighting for or is it best to walk away!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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