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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Rohith Question by Rohith on Apr 04, 2024Hindi
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Namaste Ramalingam Sir, I have Started SIP 2014 with one fund, but started really focusing on from last 2 years with multiple fund and also increased the top-up on few fund. New SIP Fund Details 1. Aditya Birla Sun Life Gold Fund - Gr : 2500 from Jan-2024 2. Kotak Business Cycle Fund - Gr : 2000 from Oct-2022 3. NJ ELSS Tax Saver Scheme - Gr : 3000 from Aug-2023 4. SBI Blue Chip Fund - Gr : 2500 from Jan-2024 Existing SIP Fund & TOP up 5. Baroda BNP Paribas India Consumption Fund - Gr : 1500 from Sept-2022 & Top Up from Jan-2024 6. Nippon India Flexi Cap Fund - Gr : 1500 Started from Sept-2022 & Top Up from Jan-2024 7. Tata Equity P/E Fund Gr : 2000 from July-2014 & Top Up from Jan-2024 Total of 20k SIP Can you just review my portfolio and guide us wither investment is on right fund. Thank you in advance Rohith Adiga

Ans: Your portfolio seems well-diversified across various fund categories, which is a positive approach. It's essential to regularly review your investments to ensure they align with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Consider the purpose of each fund in your portfolio and whether it complements your overall investment strategy. If any fund consistently underperforms or no longer fits your investment objectives, you may consider reallocating or replacing it. Additionally, monitoring market trends and staying updated on economic developments can help you make informed investment decisions. If you're unsure about any aspect of your portfolio, consulting a financial advisor can provide valuable insights tailored to your individual circumstances.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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Namaste Kirtan Sir, I have Started SIP 2014 with one fund, but started really focusing on from last 2 years with multiple fund and also increased the top-up on few fund. New SIP Fund Details 1. Aditya Birla Sun Life Gold Fund - Gr : 2500 from Jan-2024 2. Kotak Business Cycle Fund - Gr : 2000 from Oct-2022 3. NJ ELSS Tax Saver Scheme - Gr : 3000 from Aug-2023 4. SBI Blue Chip Fund - Gr : 2500 from Jan-2024 Existing SIP Fund & TOP up 5. Baroda BNP Paribas India Consumption Fund - Gr : 1500 from Sept-2022 & Top Up from Jan-2024 6. Nippon India Flexi Cap Fund - Gr : 1500 Started from Sept-2022 & Top Up from Jan-2024 7. Tata Equity P/E Fund Gr : 2000 from July-2014 & Top Up from Jan-2024 Total of 20k SIP Can you just review my portfolio and guide us wither investment is on right fund. Thank you in advance Rohith Adiga
Ans: Rohith,

It's commendable to see your dedication towards building a diversified investment portfolio through SIPs. Reviewing your portfolio is crucial to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Firstly, let me appreciate your proactive approach in diversifying your investments across multiple funds. This spreads risk and enhances potential returns. However, it's essential to periodically evaluate the performance of each fund and make adjustments as necessary.

Consider factors like fund performance, consistency, fund manager's track record, and investment objectives. Additionally, assess whether your portfolio reflects your risk appetite and investment horizon.

Remember, investing is a journey, not a destination. Stay informed, stay patient, and stay committed to your financial goals. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to adapt to changing market conditions and personal circumstances.

As a Certified Financial Planner, my role is to guide you on this journey, providing insights and recommendations tailored to your unique situation. Feel free to reach out for further assistance or clarification.

Wishing you success in your investment journey!

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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Sir my age is 32 years, I have started Sip since July 2023 my investment details are below Nippon small cap 2k Quant small cap 1k Tata small cap 1k Sbi small cap 2k ICICI prudential value 2k Quant mid cap 3k Sbi magnam mid cap 2k Sbi contra fund 3k Parag Parikh flexi cap 2k 25 years sip plan with step up, please review my portfolio,
Ans: Your proactive approach to investing in SIPs at a young age is commendable. This sets a strong foundation for long-term wealth creation. Your diversified portfolio reflects a good understanding of market opportunities and risks.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Current Investments:

Your SIPs are spread across small cap, mid cap, and contra funds, with a flexi cap for additional diversification.
Each category serves a distinct purpose in your investment strategy.
Portfolio Composition Analysis
Small Cap Funds:

Growth Potential: Small cap funds offer high growth potential but come with higher risk.
Current Allocation: You have ?6,000 in small cap funds, which is quite aggressive.
Assessment: High risk, high return. Ensure you are comfortable with the volatility.
Mid Cap Funds:

Balanced Growth: Mid cap funds provide a balance between growth and stability.
Current Allocation: ?5,000 in mid cap funds. This is a good strategy to capture growth while managing risk.
Assessment: Moderately risky, suitable for long-term goals.
Value and Contra Funds:

Defensive Strategy: These funds invest in undervalued stocks, aiming for long-term growth.
Current Allocation: ?5,000 combined in value and contra funds.
Assessment: Less risky, suitable for market downturns.
Flexi Cap Funds:

Diversification: Flexi cap funds invest across market capitalizations, providing diversification.
Current Allocation: ?2,000 in flexi cap.
Assessment: Provides a safety net by diversifying across various market segments.
Recommendations for Optimization
Balancing Risk and Growth:

Reallocation Suggestion: Consider reallocating some funds from small cap to more stable options like large cap or balanced funds.
Reason: Reduces overall portfolio risk while still aiming for growth.
Introduction of Large Cap Funds:

Suggestion: Add a large cap fund to your portfolio.
Reason: Large cap funds provide stability and steady returns, balancing the high-risk small and mid cap funds.
Balanced Funds:

Suggestion: Include a balanced or hybrid fund.
Reason: These funds invest in both equity and debt, offering a balanced risk-reward profile.
Portfolio Step-Up Strategy
Regular Increases:

Implementation: Increase your SIP contributions annually as planned.
Reason: Step-up SIPs help in compounding your investments more effectively.
Importance of Professional Guidance
Engage a Certified Financial Planner (CFP):

Benefits: Personalized advice tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Reason: A CFP can help optimize your portfolio and ensure it aligns with your long-term goals.
Regular Monitoring and Review
Periodic Portfolio Review:

Frequency: Review your investment portfolio at least annually.
Reason: Ensures your investments stay aligned with your goals and market conditions.
Rebalancing:

Action: Rebalance your portfolio if any fund significantly outperforms or underperforms.
Reason: Maintains desired asset allocation and risk level.
Final Thoughts
Your disciplined investment in SIPs across diverse funds is a strong start. For optimal growth and risk management, consider introducing large cap and balanced funds into your portfolio. Regular reviews and professional guidance will keep your investments on track. Your commitment to a 25-year plan with step-ups shows foresight and determination, paving the way for substantial wealth creation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2024Hindi
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Please review my SIP portfolio - HDFC Retirement fund 10K pm ICICI Retirement fund 10K pm UTI Mutual Fund UTI Mid Cap Fund - Regular Plan 5k pm SUNDARAM LARGE AND MID CAP FUND - REGULAR GROWTH 5k pm Union Children's fund 10k pm Aditya Birla Sun Life Multi-Cap Fund Regular Growth 10k pm Samco Flexi Cap Fund - 10k pm Union Innovation and Opportunities Fund - Regular Growth - 10k pm Parag Parikh Flexicap 2k pm Parag Parikh Dynamic asset allocation fund 5k pm Bank of India Manufacturing and Infrastructure fund 10k pm ULIP Plan (midcap momentum fund) - 5k pm HDFC Large cap and mid cap - IDCW - 500 rs pm Intention is to invest and hold for 15 more years. What changes do I bring in?
Ans: Understanding Your Investment Goals
You have a well-structured SIP portfolio with a diverse range of mutual funds and plans. Your goal is to invest and hold for 15 more years, which is a commendable strategy for long-term wealth creation. The mix of funds you've chosen indicates a balanced approach towards growth and security.

Assessment of Current Portfolio
Your portfolio consists of various mutual funds, including retirement funds, mid-cap, large-cap, multi-cap, and sector-specific funds. This diversity helps in spreading risk across different sectors and market capitalizations. Investing Rs. 10,000 per month in each of the retirement funds is a sound decision, as these funds are designed to provide stability and growth over the long term.

Evaluating Fund Types
You have included mid-cap and large-cap funds, which offer growth potential and relative stability. Mid-cap funds are known for their high growth potential but come with higher volatility. Large-cap funds provide stability and consistent returns over time. Your investment in multi-cap and flexi-cap funds ensures flexibility in adjusting the portfolio according to market conditions.

Regular vs. Direct Funds
You have opted for regular plans instead of direct funds, which is beneficial. Regular funds come with the advantage of professional advice and management. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you make informed decisions and provide insights that are not easily accessible through direct funds.

Sector-Specific Investments
Your portfolio includes sector-specific funds like the manufacturing and infrastructure fund. These funds can provide high returns when their respective sectors perform well. However, they also come with higher risk if the sector faces downturns. Balancing these with more stable funds is a good strategy.

Child-Specific Investments
Investing in a children's fund is a thoughtful decision. These funds are designed to provide long-term growth and cater to future educational and other needs of your children. Ensuring a regular investment in these funds will secure your child's future financial needs.

ULIP and Retirement Funds
Your inclusion of a ULIP plan with a mid-cap momentum fund and various retirement funds shows a balanced approach. ULIPs combine insurance with investment, providing dual benefits. However, they often come with higher charges. Evaluating the performance and costs associated with ULIPs regularly is essential.

Reviewing Fund Performance
Regularly review the performance of your funds. Compare their returns with benchmark indices and peer funds. This helps in identifying underperforming funds and making necessary adjustments.

Risk Management
Your portfolio shows a balanced approach to risk with investments in large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds. Adding dynamic asset allocation funds helps in adjusting the portfolio according to market conditions, further managing risk effectively.

Recommendations for Portfolio Enhancement
Maintain Portfolio Balance: Ensure a mix of equity and debt funds to balance risk and return. Consider including more dynamic asset allocation funds if market volatility increases.

Monitor Sector Exposure: Regularly review sector-specific funds to avoid overexposure to any single sector. Diversify further if necessary.

Evaluate ULIP Performance: Regularly assess the performance and charges associated with ULIPs. Ensure they align with your financial goals.

Stay Informed: Keep yourself updated with market trends and seek professional advice from a Certified Financial Planner to make informed decisions.

Flexibility in Investments: Be open to adjusting your portfolio based on market conditions and life changes. Regularly rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Appreciating Your Strategy
Your approach to long-term investment through SIPs is commendable. Regular investments and a diversified portfolio are key to achieving financial stability and growth. Your thoughtful inclusion of children's funds and retirement plans shows a strong commitment to securing your family's future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir. I am 38 years old have started SIP from 2024 jan. Following are the fund i am doing SIP. 1. Kotak ELSS 2. Quant ELSS 3.parag parikh flexi cap- regular 4.Nippon infrastructure growth-regular 5. SBI contra- regular 6.franklin india focussed equity fund-regular 7.Bajaj finserv multiasset alocation-regular 8.ICICI prudential silver ETF fund 9.ICICI prudential bharat 22 fof 10. HDFC small cap fund- regular My total monthly SIP amount 23000 INR. Kindy let me know if i have good portfolio diversification. Do i need to stop SIP in any kf above fund and start some other good fund. My motto is to get maximum return for next 10-15 years.
Ans: Assessing Your Investment Portfolio
Your investment portfolio is diversified, and that is commendable. However, let’s delve into the specifics of your funds to see if there’s room for optimization. Portfolio diversification is essential, but too many funds can lead to over-diversification, which might dilute returns.

Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS)
You have two ELSS funds. ELSS is excellent for tax-saving under Section 80C. They also offer the potential for high returns due to their equity exposure. However, investing in multiple ELSS funds can be redundant. Consider consolidating your ELSS investments into one well-performing fund to streamline your portfolio.

Flexi Cap Funds
Flexi cap funds are versatile as they invest across market capitalizations based on the fund manager's outlook. Your flexi cap fund choice is prudent as it offers flexibility and diversification within itself. This type of fund can balance risk and reward effectively, adapting to market conditions.

Sectoral and Thematic Funds
You are investing in an infrastructure growth fund. Sectoral funds can provide high returns but come with higher risk due to their concentrated exposure. Infrastructure is a promising sector but is also susceptible to economic cycles and regulatory changes. It’s wise to limit exposure to such sector-specific funds to avoid significant volatility in your portfolio.

Contra Funds
Contra funds invest in undervalued stocks and follow a contrarian approach. These funds can provide significant returns during market corrections when undervalued stocks rebound. However, they require patience and a long-term horizon, which aligns well with your 10-15 year investment goal.

Focused Equity Funds
Focused equity funds concentrate on a limited number of stocks. This strategy can yield higher returns if the selected stocks perform well but also increases risk due to lower diversification. Ensure that the focused equity fund aligns with your risk tolerance and long-term goals.

Multi-Asset Allocation Funds
Multi-asset allocation funds invest across asset classes like equity, debt, and gold, providing diversification and risk management. This fund type is suitable for balanced growth and risk mitigation. Including such a fund in your portfolio adds stability and reduces dependency on market performance.

Precious Metals Fund
Your investment in a silver ETF fund adds an element of commodity diversification. Precious metals like silver can hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations. However, precious metal funds can be volatile and might not perform consistently over time. Limit exposure to such funds to avoid excessive risk.

Fund of Funds (FoF)
The Bharat 22 FoF invests in a basket of stocks from the Bharat 22 index, providing diversification within a single fund. FoFs can offer easy access to diversified portfolios but come with higher expense ratios due to the layered fee structure. Ensure the FoF aligns with your overall investment strategy and cost considerations.

Small Cap Funds
Small cap funds invest in smaller companies with high growth potential. These funds can offer substantial returns but also come with higher risk due to market volatility. Given your long-term horizon, small cap funds can be a valuable addition for capital growth, but monitor their performance and risk exposure closely.

Regular vs. Direct Funds
You have chosen regular plans through a mutual fund distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential. Regular funds have slightly higher expense ratios due to distributor commissions. However, the guidance and advice from a certified professional can be invaluable in navigating market complexities and making informed decisions. Direct funds, while cheaper, require a deep understanding of market dynamics and continuous monitoring, which might not be feasible for all investors.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds, which you haven't opted for, have the disadvantage of passively following a market index. They cannot outperform the market as they merely replicate index performance. In contrast, actively managed funds, like the ones in your portfolio, have the potential to outperform through strategic stock selection and market timing by experienced fund managers. Active management can add significant value, especially in volatile or bearish markets.

Portfolio Optimization Suggestions
Consolidate ELSS Investments: Streamline your ELSS investments into one well-performing fund to avoid redundancy and simplify tracking.

Review Sectoral Fund Exposure: Limit exposure to sectoral funds like the infrastructure growth fund to manage risk better. Sectoral funds should not form a large portion of your portfolio.

Focus on Core Holdings: Maintain a balanced mix of flexi cap, contra, and focused equity funds as core holdings for stable and diversified growth.

Limit Precious Metals and Sectoral Exposure: Keep your investments in precious metals and sectoral funds minimal to avoid excessive risk from market volatility.

Evaluate Expense Ratios: Regularly review the expense ratios of your funds, especially the FoFs, to ensure they are cost-effective relative to their performance.

Understanding Market Cycles and Patience
Investing for 10-15 years requires understanding market cycles and having patience. Markets will have ups and downs, and staying invested during downturns is crucial for long-term growth. Avoid the temptation to make frequent changes based on short-term market movements. Instead, focus on your long-term goals and stay committed to your investment strategy.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Regularly reviewing your portfolio and rebalancing it as needed is vital. As market conditions change, the allocation of your investments may drift from your original plan. Rebalancing ensures that your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and investment objectives. It also helps lock in gains and manage risks effectively.

Importance of Diversification
Diversification reduces risk by spreading investments across various asset classes and sectors. While you have diversified your investments, ensure that no single fund or sector dominates your portfolio. Proper diversification can enhance returns while mitigating risks, helping you achieve a balanced and resilient portfolio.

Role of a Certified Financial Planner
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides access to professional advice tailored to your financial goals. A CFP can help you make informed decisions, optimize your portfolio, and navigate complex market conditions. Their expertise ensures that your investments are aligned with your risk tolerance and long-term objectives.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio demonstrates a commendable approach towards diversification and long-term growth. However, streamlining your investments and focusing on core holdings can enhance returns and manage risks more effectively. Regular reviews and rebalancing, along with professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner, will ensure that your investment journey remains on track towards achieving your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
Relationship
Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

...Read more

Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2272 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on May 07, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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