Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Prince Question by Prince on Jun 30, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi good morning sir I am himanshu I am NRI I invest in mutual fund monthly sip I have sbi small cap fund direct growth I sip this funds monthly 15 k and I have other funds mirae large cap and mid cap fund direct emergency blue chep funds direct growth also I make sip 15k I won't to continue 20 years after how much I get and how was this funds if you suggest any batter fund for me please for good wealth please ????

Ans: Himanshu, I’m excited to discuss your investment journey. You’ve chosen a well-rounded set of funds, which is commendable. Investing Rs. 15,000 monthly in SBI Small Cap Fund Direct Growth, Mirae Large Cap Fund Direct Growth, and Emergency Blue Chip Funds Direct Growth shows your commitment to building a robust financial future.

These funds have historically performed well, offering good returns over the long term. It’s wise to periodically review these investments to ensure they align with your long-term financial goals. Let's delve deeper into each aspect of your investment strategy and potential growth over 20 years.

Potential Growth Over 20 Years
Investing Rs. 15,000 monthly in each of the three funds amounts to Rs. 45,000 per month. Over 20 years, consistent investments, combined with the power of compounding, can result in substantial wealth accumulation. Historically, mutual funds in India have provided returns ranging from 10% to 15% annually.

For instance, if your investments grow at an average annual rate of 12%, your portfolio could grow significantly. While exact future returns can't be guaranteed, historical performance suggests that mutual funds can be a reliable vehicle for wealth creation.

Analyzing Fund Choices
Small Cap Funds
Small Cap funds, like your SBI Small Cap, invest in companies with smaller market capitalizations. These companies have the potential for high growth, making Small Cap funds high-risk, high-reward investments. They tend to outperform during bullish market phases but can be quite volatile during downturns. Staying invested for the long term can help mitigate this volatility and yield substantial returns.

Your choice to invest in a Small Cap fund indicates a willingness to take on higher risk for potentially higher returns. It’s crucial to monitor the performance of these funds regularly to ensure they continue to meet your investment goals.

Large Cap and Mid Cap Funds
Mirae Large Cap and Mid Cap funds offer a balance of stability and growth. Large Cap funds invest in established companies with stable returns, providing a solid foundation to your portfolio. These companies have a history of consistent performance and are less volatile compared to Small Cap stocks.

Mid Cap funds, on the other hand, invest in companies with medium market capitalizations. They offer higher growth potential than Large Cap funds but come with increased risk. Mid Cap funds can be a good addition to your portfolio, providing a blend of stability and growth.

Blue Chip Funds
Blue Chip funds invest in well-established companies with a history of strong performance. These companies are leaders in their respective industries and offer moderate returns with lower risk. Your investment in Emergency Blue Chip Funds Direct Growth adds a layer of stability to your portfolio.

Benefits of Diversification
Your portfolio is well-diversified across different market capitalizations – Small Cap, Mid Cap, and Large Cap. Diversification helps in spreading risk and optimizing returns. It ensures that your portfolio isn’t overly dependent on any single segment of the market.

Diversification across different types of funds can help in achieving a balanced risk-reward ratio. It’s essential to maintain this diversification and periodically review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your changing financial goals and market conditions.

Regular Fund vs. Direct Fund
Investing through direct funds often has lower expense ratios compared to regular funds. This means that more of your money is invested in the market rather than being used to pay for fund management fees. Lower expense ratios can lead to slightly higher returns over the long term.

However, regular funds offer the benefit of professional advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A CFP can provide valuable insights and help you make informed decisions. They can also assist in adjusting your portfolio based on market conditions and personal financial goals. While direct funds may save you some money on fees, the value of professional advice can be substantial, especially for long-term wealth building.

Recommendations for Better Wealth Building
Equity Funds
Consider adding more equity-oriented funds to your portfolio. Equity funds generally have higher returns compared to debt funds. Look for funds with a consistent track record and good fund management. Equity funds can help in achieving higher growth, especially over long investment horizons like 20 years.

International Funds
As an NRI, you might benefit from diversifying into international funds. These funds invest in global markets, reducing dependency on the Indian market and providing exposure to global growth opportunities. International funds can add a new dimension to your portfolio, offering growth potential from different parts of the world.

Sectoral and Thematic Funds
Sectoral and thematic funds focus on specific sectors like technology, healthcare, or infrastructure. These can offer high returns if the sector performs well but come with higher risk due to concentration in a single sector. Adding sectoral funds can provide targeted exposure to high-growth areas, but it’s essential to balance them with other diversified funds to manage risk.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is crucial. Market conditions change, and so do your financial goals. Periodic reviews with a CFP can help in rebalancing your portfolio, ensuring it remains aligned with your risk tolerance and financial objectives. Rebalancing involves adjusting your investments to maintain your desired asset allocation. This process helps in managing risk and optimizing returns.

Emergency Fund
Having an emergency fund is crucial. It ensures liquidity during unforeseen circumstances without disrupting your investment strategy. Typically, an emergency fund should cover 6-12 months of living expenses. This fund acts as a financial safety net, allowing you to handle emergencies without having to liquidate your long-term investments.

Long-Term Commitment
Staying invested for the long term is key. Market fluctuations are normal, but long-term investments tend to smooth out these ups and downs, leveraging the power of compounding. Compounding works best when investments are left to grow over an extended period. Resist the urge to make frequent changes based on short-term market movements.

Professional Guidance
A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice tailored to your specific situation. They can help in creating a comprehensive financial plan, ensuring all aspects of your financial health are covered. Professional guidance can be invaluable in navigating complex financial decisions and staying on track towards your goals.

Evaluating Fund Performance
Historical Returns
When evaluating your funds, look at their historical returns. Consistently high returns over the years indicate strong fund management and good investment strategies. Compare the performance of your funds with their respective benchmarks to assess their effectiveness.

Risk-Adjusted Returns
It’s also essential to consider risk-adjusted returns. This metric takes into account the risk taken by the fund to achieve its returns. Funds with high returns but also high volatility might not be suitable for all investors. Look for funds that provide good returns with manageable risk levels.

Fund Manager’s Track Record
The experience and track record of the fund manager play a significant role in a fund’s performance. A skilled fund manager can navigate market fluctuations and make strategic decisions that enhance the fund’s returns. Check the credentials and past performance of the fund managers handling your investments.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
While direct funds have lower expense ratios, they require more hands-on management from the investor. Without professional guidance, you might miss out on strategic adjustments and insights that a CFP can provide. Direct funds are suitable for knowledgeable investors who can actively manage their portfolios.

Benefits of Regular Funds Through CFP
Regular funds, though having higher expense ratios, come with the benefit of professional advice. A CFP can help in selecting the right funds, optimizing asset allocation, and providing strategic insights based on market conditions. The value of this professional guidance often outweighs the additional cost of regular funds.

Enhancing Your Investment Strategy
Setting Clear Goals
Clearly defining your financial goals is the first step. Knowing your objectives helps in selecting the right investment strategies. Whether it’s retirement planning, purchasing a property, or funding education, having clear goals allows you to tailor your investments accordingly.

Risk Assessment
Understanding your risk tolerance is crucial. Your risk tolerance depends on factors like age, income, financial obligations, and investment horizon. A CFP can help in assessing your risk tolerance and aligning your portfolio accordingly.

Asset Allocation
Optimal asset allocation is vital for managing risk and maximizing returns. Diversify your investments across different asset classes like equities, debt, and international funds. Regular rebalancing ensures your portfolio stays aligned with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Periodic Review and Adjustments
Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time. Regular reviews of your portfolio help in making necessary adjustments. A CFP can assist in monitoring your investments and making strategic changes to optimize returns.

Tax Efficiency
Consider the tax implications of your investments. Different funds have different tax treatments, and it’s essential to factor this into your investment strategy. A CFP can help in selecting tax-efficient investment options and strategies to minimize your tax liability.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Overreacting to Market Volatility
Market volatility is inevitable. Avoid making hasty decisions based on short-term market movements. Staying committed to your long-term investment strategy is crucial for achieving your financial goals.

Lack of Diversification
Investing in a single asset class or sector can be risky. Diversification helps in spreading risk and optimizing returns. Ensure your portfolio is well-diversified across different asset classes and market segments.

Ignoring Professional Advice
Professional guidance from a CFP can significantly enhance your investment strategy. Ignoring professional advice can lead to missed opportunities and suboptimal investment decisions. Leverage the expertise of a CFP to maximize your investment potential.

Building a Robust Financial Plan
Comprehensive Financial Planning
A comprehensive financial plan covers all aspects of your financial health. It includes investment planning, tax planning, retirement planning, and estate planning. A CFP can help in creating a holistic financial plan tailored to your specific needs and goals.

Contingency Planning
Prepare for contingencies by having adequate insurance coverage and an emergency fund. Contingency planning ensures financial stability during unforeseen circumstances and protects your long-term investments.

Retirement Planning
Retirement planning is a crucial aspect of financial planning. Ensure you have a clear retirement goal and a strategy to achieve it. Regular reviews and adjustments to your retirement plan can help in staying on track towards your retirement objectives.

Staying Informed and Educated
Stay informed about market trends and financial news. Continuous learning and staying updated with financial knowledge can help in making informed investment decisions. Leverage resources like financial publications, seminars, and professional advice to enhance your financial literacy.

Final Insights
Himanshu, your current investment strategy is solid with a good mix of funds. Regular monitoring, diversification, and staying committed to long-term goals will help in achieving substantial wealth. Consider professional guidance for optimizing your portfolio and aligning it with your financial aspirations. Keep up the excellent work and stay focused on your long-term objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
Asked on - Jun 30, 2024 | Answered on Jun 30, 2024
Listen
Thanks very much for replying sir ????
Ans: You're welcome! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask. Best wishes on your financial journey!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Iam investing monthly sip in below funds my age-34 1-Icici prudential bluechipfund-3000 2-Nippon India growth fund -3000 My monthly investment amount max-10000 pls suggest my portfolio any correction sir some good funds for long term
Ans: You're already on the right track with your disciplined approach to investing in SIPs. Let's review your portfolio and explore potential adjustments for long-term growth.

Investing in ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund and Nippon India Growth Fund reflects a balanced mix of large-cap and diversified equity exposure, which is suitable for long-term wealth accumulation.

However, to further diversify your portfolio and potentially enhance returns, consider adding funds from different categories like mid-cap or flexi-cap funds. These categories offer exposure to companies with different market capitalizations and investment styles, thus spreading your risk more effectively.

Mid-cap funds invest in companies with medium-sized market capitalizations, which often have higher growth potential than large-caps but come with increased volatility. Flexi-cap funds provide the flexibility to invest across market caps, allowing fund managers to capitalize on market opportunities across the spectrum.

Adding a mid-cap or flexi-cap fund to your portfolio can complement your existing investments and provide additional avenues for growth. Look for funds with a track record of consistent performance, experienced fund managers, and a robust investment process.

Remember to review your portfolio periodically and rebalance if necessary to ensure it remains aligned with your long-term financial goals and risk tolerance.

Keep up the good work with your investments, and don't hesitate to reach out to a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice tailored to your specific needs and objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Money
My name is Shankar. I' m investing 10,000 Per Month thru SIP. One is in Motilal Oswal Midcap 30 Fund for 5000. Second one is in SBI Countra Find for 5000 each month in phone pe I had invested. It's been two month I had started. First my concern is here can I go for these two funds for longer period like 10 years, I need suggestion for that. Second one is how much return can I expect for 10 years. I am planning to start one more mutual fund for mid cap for 5000 I need to know which fund is best for long run.
Ans: Dear Shankar,

Firstly, congratulations on taking a significant step towards your financial goals by starting your investments. It is heartening to see individuals like you take proactive steps towards securing their future.

You mentioned investing Rs 5,000 per month in the Motilal Oswal Midcap 30 Fund and another Rs 5,000 in the SBI Contra Fund. Both funds have their merits, but let's delve deeper to assess if they align with your long-term goals.

Evaluating Your Current Funds
Motilal Oswal Midcap 30 Fund

This fund focuses on mid-sized companies with potential for growth. Mid-cap funds can be quite rewarding, especially in a growing economy like India. However, they also carry higher risk compared to large-cap funds. It's commendable that you are willing to take on some risk for potentially higher returns.

SBI Contra Fund

This fund follows a contrarian strategy, investing in undervalued stocks. This approach can be beneficial during market corrections and downturns, as these stocks may bounce back strongly. It provides a good balance to your portfolio by diversifying your investment style.

Long-Term Viability
For a ten-year investment horizon, these funds could be suitable, provided you are prepared for the market's ups and downs. Long-term investments in equity mutual funds generally yield better returns, as they smooth out short-term volatility. Staying invested for ten years can help you benefit from compounding and market growth.

Expected Returns
Estimating returns can be tricky as they depend on various factors, including market conditions, economic growth, and fund management. Historically, mid-cap funds have delivered 12-15% annual returns over the long term. Contrarian funds, while less predictable, can also yield substantial returns if their strategy pays off.

However, it is crucial to remember that past performance does not guarantee future results. Keeping realistic expectations and staying invested through market cycles is key.

Adding a New Mid-Cap Fund
Your interest in starting another Rs 5,000 monthly SIP in a mid-cap fund is a wise decision, given your long-term horizon. Mid-cap funds can be an excellent addition to your portfolio, offering potential for higher growth.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Since you are considering mid-cap funds, it is essential to highlight the benefits of actively managed funds over index funds. Actively managed funds can adapt to market conditions and invest in promising companies, whereas index funds simply replicate a market index. This flexibility can lead to better performance, especially in the mid-cap segment where stock selection is crucial.

Recommendations for Mid-Cap Funds
Selecting the right fund requires thorough research. Here are some factors to consider when choosing a mid-cap fund:

Fund Performance: Look at the fund’s performance over different market cycles.
Fund Manager’s Track Record: An experienced and skilled fund manager can make a significant difference.
Expense Ratio: Lower expense ratios can improve net returns.
Fund House Reputation: Choose funds from well-established and reputable fund houses.
Considering these factors will help you make an informed decision. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can also provide personalized advice based on your risk tolerance and financial goals.

General Investment Tips
Diversification
Diversification is crucial to manage risk. Your current investments in mid-cap and contrarian funds provide a good mix. However, you might want to consider adding large-cap or multi-cap funds in the future for better balance.

Regular Review
Periodic review of your investments is essential. Market conditions and personal financial goals can change, requiring adjustments to your investment strategy.

Staying Informed
Keep yourself informed about market trends and economic indicators. This knowledge can help you make better investment decisions.

Emotional Discipline
It’s easy to get swayed by market volatility. Maintaining emotional discipline and staying invested during market downturns is vital for long-term success.

Potential Pitfalls of Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, but they have some disadvantages. Direct funds require continuous monitoring and management, which can be time-consuming and challenging. Investing through a CFP can provide professional management, regular reviews, and tailored advice, ensuring your investments align with your goals.

Final Insights
Your current investment strategy is promising, with a good mix of mid-cap and contrarian funds. These funds have the potential to deliver substantial returns over a ten-year period, provided you stay invested and maintain discipline.

Starting another mid-cap fund is a prudent decision, given your long-term horizon. Carefully selecting an actively managed mid-cap fund can further enhance your portfolio's growth potential.

Remember to diversify, review your investments regularly, and consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. Your commitment to investing Rs 10,000 monthly through SIPs is commendable, and with the right strategy, you can achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |956 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x