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Nikunj Saraf  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Funds Expert - Answered on Oct 21, 2022

Nikunj Saraf has more than five years of experience in financial markets and offers advice about mutual funds. He is vice president at Choice Wealth, a financial institution that offers broking, insurance, loans and government advisory services. Saraf, who is a member of the Institute Of Chartered Accountants of India, has a strong base in financial markets and wealth management.... more
A Question by A on Oct 21, 2022Hindi
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I have been investing Rs 5000 every month inTATA Nifty 50 Index Fund - Direct Plan since 1 Year. Please advise pros and cons. I will invest in the same in next 10-15 years.

Ans: Hello A K Shabari. I would advise diversifying your investments. Investing in one fund is not appropriate for a portfolio.

Your investment scheme is an average performer. Since your investment time horizon is long, invest in categories like large & mid-cap funds, flex caps, etc.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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I would like to start an SIP UNDER NIFTY 50 INDEX FUND FOR 15 YRS HAVING MONTHLY SIP AMOUNT 6000-9000. WILL IT BE THE RIGHT WAY TO PUT MY HARD EARN MONEY IN MUTUAL FUND & WILL IT BE THE INTELLIGENT WORK TO CREAT WEALTH...
Ans: Starting a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in a Nifty 50 Index Fund can indeed be a prudent way to invest your hard-earned money for wealth creation over the long term. However, it's essential to consider both the advantages and disadvantages before making a decision.

Benefits of Nifty 50 Index Fund SIP

Investing in a Nifty 50 Index Fund offers several advantages:

Diversification: The Nifty 50 Index comprises 50 large-cap stocks representing various sectors, providing inherent diversification to your portfolio.
Low Cost: Index funds typically have lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds, resulting in cost savings over time.
Passive Management: With an index fund, you're not relying on fund managers' active decisions, which can sometimes lead to underperformance.
Long-Term Growth Potential: Historically, equity markets have shown long-term growth trends, and investing systematically can help harness this potential.
Disadvantages of Index Funds Compared to Active Funds

While index funds offer certain advantages, they also have some limitations:

Limited Potential for Outperformance: Since index funds aim to replicate the performance of a particular index, they typically don't outperform the market significantly. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, have the potential to beat the market through skilled fund management.
No Tactical Asset Allocation: Index funds follow a passive investment strategy, which means they do not make tactical asset allocation decisions based on market conditions or economic outlook. This lack of flexibility may lead to missed opportunities during market fluctuations.
Inability to Avoid Underperforming Stocks: Index funds hold all stocks within the index, including underperforming ones. In contrast, active fund managers have the flexibility to exclude or reduce exposure to such stocks, potentially enhancing returns.
Market Cap Bias: Index funds allocate capital based on market capitalization, leading to higher exposure to overvalued stocks and lower exposure to undervalued ones. Actively managed funds can adjust allocations based on fundamental analysis and market dynamics.
Conclusion

While starting an SIP in a Nifty 50 Index Fund can be a sensible way to invest for the long term, it's essential to recognize the limitations of index funds compared to actively managed funds. Consider your investment goals, risk tolerance, and preference for active fund management before making a decision.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 21, 2024

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Sir, Shall I invest in UTI Nifty200 Momentum 30 Index Fund - Regular Plan - Growth @ N.A.V. - Rs. 23/= Is it a good investment for long term - 10 years ?
Ans: Avoiding UTI Nifty200 Momentum 30 Index Fund for Long-Term Investment

When considering long-term investments like retirement planning or wealth accumulation, it's crucial to evaluate the suitability of various investment options. While index funds offer simplicity and low costs, opting for actively managed funds may provide distinct advantages, especially over an extended investment horizon like 10 years.

Why Index Funds May Not Be Ideal for Long-Term Investment

Limited Growth Potential: Index funds, including the UTI Nifty200 Momentum 30 Index Fund, aim to replicate the performance of a specific market index. However, they are inherently limited in their growth potential as they cannot outperform the market significantly.

Passive Management Constraints: Index funds adhere to a passive investment strategy, meaning they track the composition of a predefined index. This approach lacks the flexibility and agility of active management, making it challenging to capitalize on market opportunities or adapt to changing economic conditions effectively.

Market Volatility Exposure: During periods of market volatility or downturns, index funds may experience significant fluctuations in value without the active management needed to mitigate risks or exploit investment opportunities.

Advantages of Active Funds for Long-Term Investing

Potential for Superior Returns: Actively managed funds are led by skilled fund managers who actively research and select investments with the aim of outperforming the market. This active management strategy can lead to potentially higher returns over the long term.

Dynamic Portfolio Adjustments: Active fund managers have the flexibility to adjust the portfolio holdings based on changing market conditions, economic trends, and company fundamentals. This dynamic approach enables them to seize opportunities and navigate market risks more effectively.

Risk Management: Active managers can employ risk management techniques such as diversification, sector rotation, and asset allocation adjustments to mitigate downside risks and preserve capital, providing investors with a smoother investment experience.

Considerations for Long-Term Investors

Investment Goals and Risk Tolerance: Assess your long-term investment objectives and risk tolerance before making investment decisions. If you seek potentially higher returns and are comfortable with active management, actively managed funds may be more suitable for your investment goals.

Diversification and Asset Allocation: While considering actively managed funds, ensure diversification across different asset classes, investment styles, and fund categories to manage risk effectively and enhance portfolio resilience.

Cost-Benefit Analysis: While actively managed funds may have higher expense ratios compared to index funds, evaluate the potential returns and added value provided by active management to determine whether the higher costs are justified based on your long-term investment objectives.

Final Recommendation

Given the limitations of index funds for long-term growth and the potential benefits offered by actively managed funds, it would be prudent to explore alternative investment options that provide the potential for superior returns and effective risk management over a 10-year investment horizon.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

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Sir, I have invested Rs. 200000/-in Nippon India Nifty I T Index fund in the month of Feb, 2024. Is it worth stay invested or switch over?
Ans: You invested Rs 2,00,000 in the Nippon India Nifty IT Index Fund in February 2024. Here’s a detailed evaluation.

Understanding Index Funds
1. Passive Investment:

Index funds replicate market indices.
They offer average market returns.
2. Low Management:

Lower expense ratios due to passive management.
Limited scope for beating the market.
3. Market Volatility:

Performance tied to the market index.
Susceptible to market downturns.
IT Sector Performance
1. Growth Potential:

IT sector shows strong growth.
High potential for long-term gains.
2. Volatility:

IT stocks can be volatile.
Sector-specific risks can impact returns.
Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
1. Higher Returns:

Actively managed funds aim to outperform indices.
Fund managers adjust based on market conditions.
2. Professional Management:

Expert fund managers make strategic decisions.
Better adaptability to market changes.
3. Diversification:

Actively managed funds can diversify across sectors.
Reduce risk by spreading investments.
Disadvantages of Index Funds
1. No Market Outperformance:

Index funds cannot beat the market.
Returns are limited to index performance.
2. Lack of Flexibility:

Fixed to the index composition.
Cannot adjust to market opportunities.
3. Sector Concentration:

Heavy exposure to one sector increases risk.
IT sector concentration may not be ideal for all investors.
Evaluation of Your Investment
1. Investment Horizon:

Your investment horizon is crucial.
Longer horizons can mitigate short-term volatility.
2. Risk Tolerance:

Assess your risk tolerance.
Higher risk tolerance suits IT sector investments.
3. Diversification Needs:

Diversify your portfolio to reduce risk.
Consider adding actively managed funds.
Recommendations
1. Stay or Switch:

If you have high risk tolerance and long horizon, stay invested.
For diversification and potential higher returns, switch to actively managed funds.
2. Regular Review:

Monitor your investment regularly.
Adjust based on market performance and personal goals.
3. Seek Professional Advice:

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).
Get personalized recommendations.
Final Insights
Your investment in Nippon India Nifty IT Index Fund has potential but consider diversifying. Actively managed funds can offer higher returns and better risk management. Regularly review and seek professional advice for optimal results.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

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Kotak Nifty Midcap 50 Index fund Direct Plan growth - Pl suggest is it good for investment for new entry investors.
Ans: Index funds track a market index. They aim to match the index's performance. They offer lower costs and less active management.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Limited Flexibility: Index funds are bound to the index. They can't adapt to market changes.

Average Returns: They aim to match, not beat, the market. Actively managed funds often outperform.

Market Risk: They mirror the market. In a downturn, they suffer equally.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Professional Management: Experienced managers make investment decisions. They aim to outperform the market.

Flexibility: Managers can adjust the portfolio based on market conditions.

Potential for Higher Returns: Active funds often deliver higher returns than index funds.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

No Advisory Support: Direct funds bypass intermediaries. Investors miss out on professional advice.

Time-Consuming: Managing direct investments requires time and knowledge. Many investors lack both.

Risk Management: Without a Certified Financial Planner, investors may struggle with risk management.

Benefits of Regular Funds with MFD and CFP

Expert Guidance: A CFP offers tailored advice. They help in selecting the right funds.

Convenience: Investing through an MFD and CFP saves time. They handle paperwork and portfolio management.

Risk Management: CFPs help in managing and mitigating risks. They provide a balanced portfolio strategy.

Kotak Nifty Midcap 50 Index Fund Overview

This fund tracks the Nifty Midcap 50 Index. It invests in 50 midcap companies. It offers exposure to mid-sized companies.

Performance and Risks

Potential Growth: Midcap companies can grow quickly. They offer higher returns than large caps.

Volatility: Midcaps are more volatile. They carry higher risk than large caps.

Market Dependence: The fund's performance depends on the midcap market. In a downturn, it can underperform.

Suitability for New Investors

Risk Tolerance: New investors must assess their risk tolerance. Midcap funds can be volatile.

Investment Horizon: Longer investment horizons can mitigate risks. Midcap funds need time to grow.

Diversification: Ensure a diversified portfolio. Don't invest solely in midcap funds.

Recommendations for New Investors

Seek Professional Advice: Consult a Certified Financial Planner. They provide personalized guidance.

Start with Balanced Funds: Consider funds with a mix of large, mid, and small caps. This reduces risk.

Gradual Investment: Invest gradually through SIPs. This averages out market volatility.

Building a Strong Portfolio

Diversification: Spread investments across asset classes. Include equity, debt, and liquid funds.

Regular Monitoring: Review your portfolio regularly. Adjust based on performance and goals.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund. It covers unexpected expenses and avoids dipping into investments.

Final Insights

Investing in the Kotak Nifty Midcap 50 Index Fund requires understanding its risks and potential. For new investors, a balanced and diversified approach is essential. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide the expertise and guidance needed for a robust financial strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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