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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Rajeeb Question by Rajeeb on Jun 03, 2023Hindi
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Sir I am invested in Axis Long Term Eqty -Rs-225000/, Nippon Small Cap fund(Gr) -Rs 272000/-, Axis Small Cap- Rs98000/-, Tata Small Cap Rs 12500/-, Canara Rebeco Small Cap Rs 30000/-, Canara Reboco emerging Equities Rs-88000/-, Kotak Emerging Equities Rs 88,000/-, Kotak Multicap Rs4000/-, Bandhan Vision Rs 4000/-, ICICI Bluechip Fund Rs1,15,000/-, Miraeassets Emerging fund Rs1,80,000/-, Quant Active Fund Rs 24000/-, Franklin US Eqty Rs8500/-. Please rate my investments in mutual fund. Any changes you would suggest.

Ans: Your mutual fund portfolio appears to be well-diversified across various categories, including large-cap, small-cap, and multicap funds, as well as international equity funds. However, having such a large number of funds may lead to over-diversification and increased complexity in managing your portfolio.

Here are a few suggestions:

Consolidation: Consider consolidating your portfolio by reducing the number of funds to a more manageable level. You can achieve diversification with fewer funds by selecting well-performing funds with different investment styles and objectives.

Review Small Cap Exposure: Small-cap funds can be volatile and may carry higher risk. Ensure that your exposure to small-cap funds aligns with your risk tolerance and investment goals.

Monitor Performance: Regularly monitor the performance of your funds and compare them with their respective benchmarks and peers. Consider replacing underperforming funds with better alternatives.

Rebalance Regularly: Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain your desired asset allocation and risk profile. As market conditions change, certain asset classes may outperform others, leading to deviations from your target allocation.

Consider Tax Implications: Keep in mind the tax implications of selling funds, particularly if they have been held for a short duration. Consult with a tax advisor to minimize tax liabilities while making changes to your portfolio.

Overall, while your portfolio appears diversified, it's essential to periodically review and adjust it to ensure alignment with your investment objectives, risk tolerance, and market conditions. Consider seeking advice from a financial advisor to optimize your portfolio based on your specific financial goals and circumstances.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 21, 2024

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Hi Sir, My name is Krishna & I am 38 years old and I have a savings of around 40Lakhs in bank in FD's and I started investing 20000 every month from Jan-2024 in these mutual funds [1. DSP Nifty 50 Equal Weight Index Fund Direct-Growth, 2. HDFC Index Fund Nifty 50 Plan - Direct Plan, 3. Nippon India Large Cap Fund - Direct Plan, 4. Edelweiss Large Cap Fund - Direct Plan, 5. ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund - Direct Plan-Growth, 6. Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - Direct Plan, 7. Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund - Direct Plan, 8. Axis Small Cap Fund - Direct Plan, 9. Kotak Multi Asset Allocator FoF - Dynamic - Direct Plan, 10. Edelweiss Aggressive Hybrid Fund - Direct Plan]. I checked through money control and value research before investing in these mutual funds. I would like to keep investing till 50 years (currently 38yrs) for longterm holdings may be 7+ years to 12+ years. Kindly check my portfolio and please let me know if my investments are good.
Ans: Assessment of Mutual Fund Portfolio for Long-Term Investment

Krishna, it's commendable that you've taken the initiative to invest in mutual funds for your long-term financial well-being. Let's evaluate your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your investment objectives and risk tolerance.

Portfolio Composition Analysis

Your portfolio comprises a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, hybrid, and index funds, reflecting diversification across different market segments. This diversification is essential for managing risk and capturing growth opportunities across various sectors of the economy.

Benefits of Diversification

Diversification is the cornerstone of sound investment strategy, helping spread risk across different asset classes and market segments. By investing in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, you're positioned to benefit from the growth potential of companies of varying sizes.

Active vs. Passive Management

While index funds provide low-cost exposure to broad market indices, actively managed funds offer the potential for outperformance through skilled fund management. Your portfolio includes both actively managed funds and index funds, striking a balance between cost efficiency and potential returns.

Potential Areas of Improvement

Reviewing Fund Selection Criteria: While your research through Moneycontrol and Value Research is commendable, consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to validate your investment choices and ensure they align with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Regular Portfolio Review: Given your investment horizon of 12+ years, it's crucial to conduct periodic portfolio reviews to assess fund performance, monitor changes in fund objectives or management, and rebalance your portfolio if necessary.

Asset Allocation Strategy: Evaluate your asset allocation strategy to ensure it's optimized for long-term growth and risk management. Consider factors such as age, risk tolerance, and investment goals when determining the ideal mix of equity and debt funds in your portfolio.

Final Recommendations

Seek Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to conduct a comprehensive review of your investment portfolio and provide personalized recommendations based on your financial goals and risk profile.

Stay Informed: Stay abreast of market developments, economic trends, and regulatory changes that may impact your investment portfolio. Continuous learning and informed decision-making are essential for long-term investment success.

Maintain Discipline: Maintain discipline in your investment approach by adhering to your long-term investment plan, avoiding impulsive decisions based on short-term market fluctuations, and staying committed to your financial goals.

In conclusion, while your current mutual fund portfolio demonstrates a proactive approach to long-term wealth accumulation, there's always room for refinement and optimization. By seeking professional guidance and staying disciplined in your investment journey, you can enhance the effectiveness of your portfolio and work towards achieving your financial aspirations.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Ramalingam sir, I request you to kindly review my mutual fund investment : 1. Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund Rs 2500pm 2. Quant mid fund Rs 1500pm 3. ICICI prudential Bharat 22 fof Rs 1500pm 4. Nippon India large cap fund Rs 3000pm 5. JM flexi cap fund Rs 3000pm 6. Quant small cap fund Rs 3000pm 7. Tata nifty200 alpha30 index fund Rs 500pm All of them being direct plans Total amount invested Rs 15000pm
Ans: Your decision to invest Rs 15,000 per month in mutual funds is a great step toward building wealth. However, there are a few points to consider to ensure you are optimizing your investments and achieving your financial goals.

Let’s review your portfolio in detail:

Portfolio Overview
Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund – Rs 2,500 per month
Quant Mid Cap Fund – Rs 1,500 per month
ICICI Prudential Bharat 22 FOF – Rs 1,500 per month
Nippon India Large Cap Fund – Rs 3,000 per month
JM Flexi Cap Fund – Rs 3,000 per month
Quant Small Cap Fund – Rs 3,000 per month
Tata Nifty 200 Alpha 30 Index Fund – Rs 500 per month
These investments total Rs 15,000 per month, and it’s commendable that you have allocated funds across various categories, including large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and sector-specific funds. However, there are key areas to evaluate to help you optimize returns and manage risks.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Since you are investing in direct plans, it's important to be aware of a few limitations:

No Financial Guidance: Direct plans do not come with any personalized advice from a Certified Financial Planner. This could mean missing out on crucial insights and market trends that could boost your returns.

Lack of Market Knowledge: If you're not constantly tracking markets, you may miss out on strategic shifts. A professional fund distributor can guide you to take timely actions.

Overlooking Tax Efficiency: Direct plans do not provide any tax-efficient strategies. An expert's input can help minimize tax liabilities and maximize post-tax returns.

Given these limitations, I would recommend switching to regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential. This will ensure professional guidance and better long-term returns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Your portfolio includes an index fund (Tata Nifty 200 Alpha 30 Index Fund). While index funds have low expense ratios, they come with their own set of challenges:

Lack of Flexibility: Index funds cannot adjust to changing market conditions. In a volatile market, this can result in lower returns compared to actively managed funds.

No Market Timing: An index fund simply follows the index, regardless of individual stock performance. Active funds, on the other hand, can exit underperforming stocks and reinvest in better opportunities.

For these reasons, I recommend focusing more on actively managed funds, where fund managers can provide better growth potential by actively selecting stocks and rebalancing portfolios based on market conditions.

Analysis of Your Current Mutual Funds
Now, let's analyze your specific fund choices and provide suggestions on how to refine your portfolio:

1. Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund – Rs 2,500 per month
Analysis: Midcap funds can offer higher returns than large-cap funds, but they also come with higher risk. Since you already have a significant allocation in midcaps, ensure that your risk appetite aligns with this investment.
2. Quant Mid Cap Fund – Rs 1,500 per month
Analysis: This is another midcap fund, and you are currently allocating Rs 4,000 in total toward midcaps (Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund and Quant Mid Cap Fund). While midcaps provide good growth potential, it’s essential to maintain a balanced portfolio by adding other asset classes.
3. ICICI Prudential Bharat 22 FOF – Rs 1,500 per month
Analysis: Bharat 22 FOF is a thematic fund that invests in public sector companies. While these funds can perform well during certain periods, they come with high concentration risk. If you are investing for long-term wealth creation, it might be wise to diversify your allocation rather than relying on sector-specific funds.
4. Nippon India Large Cap Fund – Rs 3,000 per month
Analysis: Large-cap funds provide stability and steady growth. Nippon India Large Cap Fund is a good choice for balancing your overall portfolio risk. Large-cap funds are essential for a well-rounded portfolio as they offer lower volatility than mid and small caps.
5. JM Flexi Cap Fund – Rs 3,000 per month
Analysis: Flexi-cap funds invest in large, mid, and small-cap companies, offering diversification. This fund could help reduce the risk in your portfolio, as it can invest across market capitalizations based on market conditions.
6. Quant Small Cap Fund – Rs 3,000 per month
Analysis: Small-cap funds can provide high returns, but they also come with the highest risk. While it's good to have some exposure to small caps, ensure you are not overly exposed to this segment.
7. Tata Nifty 200 Alpha 30 Index Fund – Rs 500 per month
Analysis: As discussed earlier, index funds have limitations, and I recommend shifting this amount to an actively managed fund for better growth potential and flexibility.
Areas of Improvement and Suggestions
Overlapping Funds: Your portfolio has an overlap in the midcap space (Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund and Quant Mid Cap Fund). While it's good to diversify, having too many funds from the same category can lead to duplication and reduce your overall returns. You could consolidate your midcap exposure into one well-performing fund.

Balanced Risk: You have allocated a significant portion of your portfolio to mid and small-cap funds, which are higher risk. To balance this, consider increasing your investment in large-cap or flexi-cap funds, which provide more stability and lower risk.

Reduce Sector-Specific Exposure: ICICI Prudential Bharat 22 FOF is a thematic fund with a high concentration in public sector companies. It might be a good idea to reduce your exposure to sector-specific funds and invest in diversified equity funds instead.

Increase Flexi Cap Allocation: Flexi-cap funds provide diversification across market capitalizations. By increasing your allocation to JM Flexi Cap Fund, you can better balance the risk and returns in your portfolio.

Reconsider Index Fund: Since index funds lack flexibility, I recommend shifting the Rs 500 currently allocated to Tata Nifty 200 Alpha 30 Index Fund to an actively managed large or flexi-cap fund. This will help you achieve better returns over the long term.

Tax Considerations
When selling equity mutual funds:

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG): Gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG): Gains made within three years are taxed at 20%.

Keep these tax rules in mind when planning to exit or rebalance your portfolio, as taxes can impact your overall returns.

Final Insights
Your mutual fund portfolio is a good start, but it requires some fine-tuning to optimize growth and manage risks better. Consolidating your midcap exposure, reducing sector-specific funds, and avoiding index funds can help you achieve more balanced growth. Shifting to regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can also provide expert guidance to further optimize your investments.

By following these adjustments and maintaining a disciplined investment approach, your portfolio can deliver strong returns over the long term.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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