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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 21, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Iam investing 28000 into sip and 50000 per year for Bajaj wealth scheme, I have term insurance of 50 lakhs and 10.5 lakh corpus into my funds I want to retire in my 50 ( my age is 35 )

Ans: Evaluating Your Current Financial Strategy
It's impressive that you are actively investing towards your retirement goals. You have taken significant steps with your SIPs and insurance. However, to optimize your financial strategy, some adjustments can be made to better align with your goals of retiring by 50.

Assessing the Bajaj Wealth Scheme
The Bajaj wealth scheme combines insurance and investment. However, these plans often have high fees and lower returns compared to mutual funds. Surrendering this policy and redirecting the funds into mutual funds can be more beneficial. Mutual funds typically offer higher returns due to lower costs and professional fund management.

Benefits of Surrendering Insurance-Cum-Investment Policies
Insurance-cum-investment policies often underperform compared to dedicated investment products. They have high charges and lower flexibility. By surrendering the Bajaj wealth scheme, you can avoid these high fees. This move will allow you to invest in more efficient financial instruments.

Redirecting Funds to Mutual Funds
Redirecting your funds from the Bajaj wealth scheme to mutual funds can significantly boost your retirement corpus. Mutual funds offer diversified investment options, managed by financial experts. They provide the potential for higher returns, which is crucial for reaching your retirement goals.

Increasing Your SIP Contributions
Currently, you are investing ?28,000 per month in SIPs. To retire comfortably by 50, consider increasing this amount annually. Incremental increases, aligned with your income growth, can leverage the power of compounding. This strategy can greatly enhance your retirement savings over time.

Advantages of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed funds have a professional fund manager making strategic investment decisions. They can adapt to market changes, aiming to maximize returns. This flexibility and professional management can lead to better performance compared to index funds.

Importance of Regular Portfolio Review
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is crucial. Market conditions change, and your investment strategy should adapt accordingly. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures your investments remain aligned with your retirement goals. A CFP can provide tailored advice based on market trends and your personal financial situation.

Enhancing Term Insurance Coverage
Your term insurance coverage of ?50 lakhs is a good start. However, as your financial responsibilities grow, consider increasing your coverage. Adequate term insurance ensures financial security for your family in case of unforeseen events.

Building an Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This fund provides financial security and prevents you from withdrawing your investments during emergencies. Maintaining this fund is crucial for financial stability.

Diversification and Risk Management
Diversification reduces investment risk. Spread your investments across various sectors and types of funds. This strategy ensures that potential losses in one sector do not significantly impact your overall portfolio. Actively managed funds offer this diversification and professional management.

Avoiding Common Investment Pitfalls
Avoid emotional investment decisions and chasing high returns without understanding the risks. Stay focused on your long-term goals and maintain a disciplined investment approach. Regular consultation with a CFP can help you stay on track.

Conclusion: A Balanced Approach
You are on the right path to achieving your retirement goals by 50. Surrendering the Bajaj wealth scheme and redirecting those funds into mutual funds can enhance your portfolio’s performance. Increasing your SIP contributions, maintaining adequate insurance, and building an emergency fund are crucial steps. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio with professional guidance. Your proactive approach and disciplined strategy will help you achieve financial independence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

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i am 37 years old.i want to have retirement corpus of 10 crore & retire when i am 55 years old. i am currently doing the following SIP.axis small cap fund 6500, Nippon small cap fund 6500, Mahindra manulife small cap fund 6500, icici prudential nifty midcap 150 index fund 11000, navi nifty next 50 index fund 12000, parag parikh flexicap fund 13000, bandhan nifty 50 index fund 12000, hdfc dividend yield fund 4000, bandhan sterling value fund 4000
Ans: It's commendable that you have a clear retirement goal and are taking proactive steps to achieve it through SIP investments. Here's some guidance to help you reach your target retirement corpus of 10 crores by the age of 55:
1. Evaluate Your Investment Portfolio: Review your existing SIP investments to ensure they are aligned with your long-term retirement goal. Assess the performance of each fund and make adjustments if necessary to optimize returns.
2. Diversification: While your current portfolio consists of a mix of small cap, mid cap, flexi cap, dividend yield, and index funds, consider diversifying further across asset classes such as equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This diversification can help mitigate risk and enhance returns over time.
3. Risk Management: As you approach retirement, gradually shift your investment focus towards more conservative options to safeguard your accumulated wealth. Balance the growth potential of equity funds with the stability of debt and hybrid funds to manage risk effectively.
4. Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing: Stay vigilant and monitor the performance of your SIPs regularly. Periodically rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation and adapt to changing market conditions.
5. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP): Seek professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner who can assess your financial situation, analyze your investment portfolio, and recommend personalized strategies to achieve your retirement goals. A CFP can offer valuable insights and help you navigate complex financial decisions effectively.
6. Stay Disciplined and Patient: Building a substantial retirement corpus requires discipline, patience, and a long-term investment horizon. Stay focused on your goal, avoid impulsive decisions, and continue contributing diligently towards your SIPs to accumulate wealth systematically over time.
7. Given your retirement aspirations, it's crucial to tailor your investment strategy to maximize returns and mitigate risks. While index funds offer certain advantages, such as low fees and broad market exposure, they also come with drawbacks that may not align with your long-term financial goals:
Disadvantages of Index Funds:
a. Limited Scope for Outperformance: Index funds aim to replicate the performance of a specific market index, which means they can't outperform the market. If you seek above-average returns, actively managed funds may offer more potential for outperformance through skilled fund management and stock selection.
b. Lack of Flexibility: Index funds adhere strictly to the composition of their underlying index, limiting the fund manager's ability to capitalize on emerging opportunities or adjust the portfolio in response to changing market conditions. Actively managed funds have the flexibility to adapt their investment strategies dynamically, potentially enhancing returns and managing risk more effectively.
c. Inability to Mitigate Risk: Index funds are passively managed and hold all the stocks within the index, including those with high levels of risk or poor fundamentals. In contrast, actively managed funds can employ risk management techniques, such as sector rotation or stock selection, to mitigate downside risk and preserve capital during market downturns.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:
i. Potential for Alpha Generation: Actively managed funds are run by professional fund managers who aim to generate alpha, or returns that exceed the benchmark index. Through in-depth research, market analysis, and active decision-making, fund managers seek to identify undervalued securities and capitalize on market inefficiencies to enhance returns.
ii. Dynamic Portfolio Management: Actively managed funds have the flexibility to deviate from the benchmark index and capitalize on investment opportunities across different market conditions. Fund managers can adjust the portfolio allocation, sector exposure, and stock selection based on their market outlook and investment objectives, potentially optimizing returns and managing risk more effectively.
iii. Tailored Investment Approach: Actively managed funds offer a personalized investment approach tailored to specific investment objectives, risk tolerance, and time horizon. Fund managers can incorporate qualitative factors, fundamental analysis, and macroeconomic trends into their investment decisions, providing investors with a diversified and actively managed portfolio designed to achieve their financial goals.
Remember, achieving financial independence in retirement is a journey that requires careful planning, commitment, and perseverance. By following a well-thought-out investment strategy and seeking expert advice when needed, you can pave the way for a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Certified Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir, My current age is 45 yrs & take home salary is 1.5 Lacs , i want to retire at the age of 60 with 5cr corpuses..please suggest SIPs & MF
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach towards retirement planning. Achieving a corpus of 5 crores by the age of 60 is an ambitious yet achievable goal with proper planning and disciplined investing. Here are some suggestions for SIPs and mutual funds to help you work towards your retirement goal:

Determine Investment Amount:
Start by assessing how much you can comfortably invest each month towards your retirement goal. Since you're aiming for a substantial corpus, consider maximizing your SIP contributions to the extent possible.
Selecting SIPs:
Opt for a diversified portfolio of mutual funds across various categories such as large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds.
Allocate your SIP investments based on your risk tolerance, time horizon, and investment objectives.
Consider SIPs with a consistent track record of delivering above-average returns over the long term.
Recommended Mutual Funds:
Large-cap funds: These funds invest in established companies with stable track records and are relatively less volatile.
Mid-cap and small-cap funds: These funds have the potential to generate higher returns over the long term but come with higher volatility. Invest in them cautiously.
Flexi-cap funds: These funds offer flexibility to invest across market capitalizations based on market conditions and fund manager's discretion.
Consider SIPs in reputable mutual fund schemes with a proven track record of wealth creation and consistent performance.
Consultation and Review:
It's essential to periodically review your investment portfolio and make adjustments based on changing market conditions, financial goals, and risk appetite.
Consider consulting with a certified financial planner who can assess your financial situation, risk tolerance, and investment goals to provide personalized recommendations.
Discipline and Patience:
Remember that achieving long-term financial goals like retirement requires discipline, patience, and regular monitoring of your investments.
Stay committed to your SIPs, avoid succumbing to short-term market fluctuations, and focus on the long-term growth potential of your investments.
By adhering to a systematic investment approach, diversifying your portfolio, and staying focused on your retirement objective, you can work towards building a substantial corpus of 5 crores by the time you retire at the age of 60.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

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My age is 42yrs, having a wife and child age 6yrs, want to retire at the age of 53-54yrs, I have term plan of 1.5cr, family health insurance of 60L, SIP(small + mid + multi + momentum fund) Rs 65K/month, current SIP value Rs 50L, my current per month expense except SIP is Rs 130000/- approx, please suggest what to do for my smooth retirement life
Ans: It's admirable that you're actively planning for your retirement, considering your family's needs and aspirations. Let's evaluate your current financial situation and chart a course towards a smooth retirement.

At 42, with a term plan of 1.5 crores and a family health insurance cover of 60 lakhs, you've taken crucial steps to protect your family's financial well-being in case of unforeseen events. These measures provide a safety net, ensuring financial stability during challenging times.

Investing 65K per month in SIPs across small, mid, multi, and momentum funds showcases a diversified approach to wealth accumulation. Your current SIP value of 50 lakhs reflects consistent savings and prudent investment decisions.

To ensure a smooth retirement, it's essential to estimate your post-retirement expenses and assess if your current savings and investments align with your retirement goals. Consider factors such as inflation, lifestyle expenses, healthcare costs, and any other financial obligations.

Given your current monthly expenses, it's crucial to evaluate if your retirement corpus will be sufficient to maintain your desired lifestyle post-retirement. If there's a shortfall, you may need to consider increasing your savings rate or exploring alternative investment strategies to bridge the gap.

Additionally, review your asset allocation and risk tolerance to ensure they are in line with your retirement timeline and goals. As you approach retirement age, gradually transitioning to more conservative investment options can help protect your accumulated wealth.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific needs and aspirations. They can conduct a comprehensive retirement analysis, recommend suitable investment strategies, and help you navigate potential challenges along the way.

By taking proactive steps now and staying committed to your long-term financial goals, you can pave the way for a smooth and fulfilling retirement life for you and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I am male, divorced, currently drawing a monthly inhand salary of about 130000, have parental house although staying in a rental accommodation for job, have a MF Portfolio of 14.5 lakhs and a yearly investment of 260000 in SIP model, stocks worth 300000 and FDs worth 600000 and trying to step up SIP by 25 % y-o-y basis. I also have PPF of 200000 and Life insurance of 300000 at maturity and a medical insurance by my company. I am 34 now and want to retire by 50 with a corpus of 10 crore and monthly pension yield of 100000.
Ans: You've done a great job managing your finances so far. Let's look at your current situation and work towards your goal of retiring by 50 with a corpus of Rs 10 crore and a monthly pension of Rs 1,00,000.

Current Financial Snapshot
You have a solid foundation with diverse investments:

Monthly Salary: Rs 1,30,000
Mutual Fund Portfolio: Rs 14.5 lakhs
Annual SIP Investment: Rs 2,60,000
Stocks: Rs 3,00,000
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs 6,00,000
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 2,00,000
Life Insurance: Rs 3,00,000 at maturity
Medical Insurance: Provided by your company
You're also planning to increase your SIP by 25% year-on-year, which is commendable.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Your main goals are:

Retirement Corpus: Rs 10 crore by age 50
Monthly Pension: Rs 1,00,000 post-retirement
Let's explore how to achieve these goals with a strategic investment plan.

Building a Strong Retirement Corpus
To accumulate Rs 10 crore in 16 years, you'll need a mix of high-growth investments and consistent saving habits. Here's a detailed plan:

Increasing SIP Investments
Your current SIP investment of Rs 2,60,000 per year is a good start. Increasing it by 25% year-on-year will significantly boost your corpus. Here's how SIPs can help:

Rupee Cost Averaging: Investing regularly reduces the impact of market volatility.
Power of Compounding: Reinvesting returns can lead to exponential growth over time.
Discipline: SIPs instill a disciplined approach to investing.
Equity Mutual Funds for Growth
Equity mutual funds should form the core of your investment strategy. They offer higher returns over the long term compared to other asset classes. Here's a suggested allocation:

Large Cap Funds: Invest in established companies for stable growth.
Mid Cap Funds: Target medium-sized companies with higher growth potential.
Small Cap Funds: Focus on smaller companies for aggressive growth.
Flexi Cap Funds: Provide a balanced approach by investing across market capitalizations.
Avoiding Index Funds
Index funds track market indices and have lower costs. However, actively managed funds can potentially offer higher returns. Fund managers actively select stocks to outperform the market, making them a better choice for maximizing returns.

The Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios but require a lot of time and expertise to manage effectively. Investing through regular funds via a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential provides expert advice and continuous monitoring of your portfolio.

Diversifying Investments
Diversification reduces risk by spreading investments across various asset classes. Here’s a diversified investment strategy:

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds provide stability and are less volatile than equity funds. They are ideal for balancing the risk in your portfolio. Consider:

Corporate Bond Funds: Invest in high-quality corporate bonds for moderate returns with low risk.
Short Duration Funds: Suitable for 1-3 year investment horizons with moderate risk.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe, long-term investment with attractive interest rates and tax benefits. Continue investing in PPF to build a secure corpus. It complements the high-risk equity investments with its assured returns.

Importance of Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Investing is not a one-time activity. Regularly monitoring and rebalancing your portfolio ensures it stays aligned with your goals. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. A Certified Financial Planner can help with this ongoing process.

Risk Management and Insurance
Adequate insurance coverage is crucial to protect your financial future. Ensure you have sufficient life insurance and health insurance. Your company's medical insurance is good, but consider a personal health insurance policy for additional coverage.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning maximizes your returns. Utilize tax-saving instruments like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and PPF to reduce your tax liability and increase your investment corpus.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is essential to cover unexpected expenses without dipping into your investments. Aim to save at least 6 months of your expenses in a liquid fund. This ensures quick access to funds in case of emergencies.

Power of Compounding
Compounding is a powerful concept in investing. By reinvesting earnings, you earn returns on both your initial investment and the returns generated. This snowball effect can lead to substantial growth over time. Starting early and staying invested are key to maximizing the benefits of compounding.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Let's take a closer look at your existing investments and how they align with your goals:

Mutual Fund Portfolio: Rs 14.5 lakhs is a solid start. Continue increasing your SIP investments as planned.
Stocks: Rs 3,00,000 in stocks provides exposure to direct equity. Ensure you diversify across different sectors to manage risk.
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs 6,00,000 in FDs offers safety but lower returns. Consider shifting a portion to debt funds for better returns.
PPF: Rs 2,00,000 in PPF is a good long-term investment. Continue contributing regularly.
Life Insurance: Rs 3,00,000 maturity value is low. Consider increasing your life insurance coverage for better financial protection.
Step-Up SIP Strategy
Your plan to step up SIP investments by 25% year-on-year is excellent. This strategy leverages the power of compounding and rupee cost averaging to build a substantial corpus over time. Here's how it works:

Year 1: Invest Rs 2,60,000
Year 2: Increase by 25%, invest Rs 3,25,000
Year 3: Increase by 25%, invest Rs 4,06,250
And so on...
Retirement Planning
Achieving a corpus of Rs 10 crore by age 50 requires disciplined saving and smart investing. Here's a detailed plan:

Aggressive Growth Phase (34-44 years): Focus on equity mutual funds and increase SIPs yearly.
Moderate Growth Phase (45-50 years): Gradually shift a portion of equity investments to debt funds to reduce risk.
Post-Retirement Phase: Create a monthly pension of Rs 1,00,000 by investing in a mix of debt funds, balanced funds, and annuities.
Benefits of a Certified Financial Planner
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures expert advice and personalized investment strategies. CFPs provide continuous monitoring of your portfolio, helping you adapt to changing market conditions and stay aligned with your financial goals.

Investing in Yourself
Investing in your skills and education can lead to higher earning potential. Continuous learning and upgrading skills can open up better job opportunities and career growth, leading to higher savings and investments.

Final Insights
You're on the right track with your diversified investments and disciplined saving habits. By following this strategic plan, you can achieve your goal of retiring by 50 with a corpus of Rs 10 crore and a monthly pension of Rs 1,00,000. Keep increasing your SIPs, monitor your investments regularly, and work with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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