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How Much Do I Need to Save for a Comfortable Retirement? 50-Year-Old Woman Seeking Advice.

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Arnab Question by Arnab on Aug 22, 2024Hindi
Money

How much required for retirement.

Ans: Planning for retirement is about ensuring you can maintain your current lifestyle after you stop working. The amount you need to retire comfortably depends on various factors. It is crucial to evaluate your needs, wants, and goals for your retirement years.

Estimating Living Expenses Post-Retirement
Begin by estimating your annual expenses after retirement. Include regular costs like food, utilities, and transportation. Factor in health care, travel, and leisure activities.

Basic Living Costs: These are your everyday expenses. Think groceries, utilities, and transportation. These costs may rise with inflation.

Healthcare Costs: Healthcare becomes more expensive as you age. Ensure to set aside enough funds for this.

Leisure and Lifestyle: Retirement is the time to enjoy life. Consider how much you want to spend on hobbies, travel, and other activities.

Inflation and Its Impact
Inflation decreases the value of money over time. What Rs 1 lakh buys today may not buy the same after 20 years. Consider this when estimating your retirement needs.

Cost of Living Increase: Inflation may rise by 6-8% annually. Your retirement fund should account for this.

Healthcare Inflation: Medical costs tend to rise faster than general inflation. This should be accounted for separately.

Deciding on the Retirement Age
Your retirement age will impact how much you need to save. The earlier you retire, the more you need, as your savings must last longer.

Early Retirement: Retiring early requires a larger corpus. You have more years to cover with your savings.

Delayed Retirement: Working longer allows more time to save. It also reduces the number of years you’ll need to withdraw from your savings.

Sources of Retirement Income
Identify and evaluate the sources of income post-retirement. These may include pension, investments, or rental income.

Pension: Some jobs offer a pension post-retirement. Calculate how much this will contribute to your income.

Investment Returns: Your savings will likely be invested. Estimate the returns based on conservative projections.

Other Income: Rental income or part-time work can supplement your retirement funds. Consider these when planning.

Creating a Retirement Corpus
You need to build a retirement corpus to sustain your desired lifestyle. Start by evaluating your savings and investment options.

Current Savings: Assess your current savings. Calculate how much more you need to save.

Investment Options: Consider investing in mutual funds or other financial instruments. Choose options that align with your risk appetite and goals.

Active Management: Actively managed funds are beneficial. A Certified Financial Planner can help you choose the right funds.

Risk Tolerance and Asset Allocation
Your risk tolerance decreases as you age. Therefore, your investment strategy should evolve with time.

Asset Allocation: Diversify your investments. Balance between equity, debt, and other financial instruments.

Rebalancing: Periodically review and adjust your portfolio. Ensure it aligns with your changing risk tolerance.

Health Insurance Considerations
Healthcare costs can be significant in retirement. Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage.

Existing Health Insurance: Review your current health insurance. Check if it’s sufficient post-retirement.

Additional Coverage: Consider buying additional health insurance. This will cover unforeseen medical expenses.

Emergency Fund for Retirement
An emergency fund is crucial during retirement. It provides a cushion for unexpected expenses.

Setting Up an Emergency Fund: Aim to set aside at least 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be liquid and easily accessible.

Where to Park: Keep this fund in a safe and liquid investment. Consider savings accounts or liquid mutual funds.

Estate Planning
Estate planning is about ensuring your wealth is transferred smoothly to your heirs. It also helps in minimizing taxes and legal hassles.

Wills and Nominations: Draft a will and ensure all your investments have correct nominations. This avoids disputes later.

Tax Efficiency: Structure your estate to minimize tax liability. This will maximize the wealth passed on to your heirs.

Reviewing and Adjusting Your Plan
Regularly reviewing and adjusting your retirement plan is crucial. It ensures your strategy remains aligned with your goals.

Annual Reviews: Review your retirement plan at least once a year. Adjust based on changes in your life or financial markets.

Goal Adjustments: Your goals may change over time. Ensure your retirement plan reflects these changes.

Understanding the Role of Taxes
Taxes can eat into your retirement income. Plan your investments and withdrawals in a tax-efficient manner.

Investment Choices: Choose investments that offer tax benefits. This can include certain mutual funds and other financial instruments.

Withdrawal Strategy: Plan your withdrawals to minimize taxes. A Certified Financial Planner can help you optimize this.

Debt Management Before Retirement
Carrying debt into retirement can strain your finances. It’s important to manage and reduce debt before you retire.

Pay Off High-Interest Debt: Prioritize clearing high-interest debt, like credit cards and personal loans. This reduces financial pressure.

Mortgage Considerations: If possible, aim to pay off your home loan before retirement. This frees up more of your income for living expenses.

Final Insights
Retirement planning requires a comprehensive approach. It's about more than just saving money; it's about ensuring you can live comfortably and stress-free in your golden years.

Start Early: The earlier you start saving, the better. It gives your money more time to grow.

Seek Guidance: A Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable insights. They help in building a solid retirement plan.

Be Realistic: Set realistic goals based on your lifestyle and needs. Regularly review and adjust your plan as necessary.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

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Money
I am 44 years old my Total savings in FD ,mutul fund , Insurance is Rs 2 Cr and 2nd property worth 50 lacs which is on rent , my current monthly expenses is Rs 45000/- How much amount will i require for retirement at 60.
Ans: Assessing Retirement Needs and Financial Preparedness
As a Certified Financial Planner, I understand the importance of planning for a comfortable retirement. Let's analyze your current financial situation and estimate the amount required for your retirement at age 60.

Genuine Appreciation for Financial Discipline
I commend you for diligently saving and investing to secure your financial future. Your prudent financial habits lay a solid foundation for retirement planning.

Evaluating Current Assets
Savings and Investments:
Fixed Deposits (FD)
Mutual Funds
Insurance Policies
Real Estate:
Second property worth 50 lakhs generating rental income
Estimating Retirement Expenses
To estimate the amount required for retirement, we need to consider your current monthly expenses and potential future expenses.

Current Monthly Expenses:
Rs 45,000
Projected Retirement Expenses:
Inflation-adjusted lifestyle expenses
Healthcare costs
Travel and leisure expenses
Calculating Retirement Corpus
To calculate the retirement corpus, we need to consider:

Expected retirement age
Life expectancy
Inflation rate
Rate of return on investments
Conclusion and Recommendation
Based on your current assets, monthly expenses, and retirement age, it's essential to:

Conduct a Detailed Analysis: Assess your current financial situation and future needs thoroughly.
Estimate Retirement Corpus: Calculate the amount required to maintain your desired lifestyle during retirement.
Explore Retirement Planning Options: Consider various retirement planning strategies, such as systematic investment plans (SIPs), retirement funds, and pension plans, to build a sufficient corpus.
Regular Review: Periodically review your retirement plan to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and life circumstances.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 27 years old man. My salary is around 32k per month. I have started SIP of 6K in 2022 jan. I have also taken team insurance and health insurance for which i have to give 25k per year for 15 years. I have no loan or anything. I want to retire at the age of 50. Please suggest me how much amount is sufficient.
Ans: Current Situation
Age: 27 years
Monthly Salary: Rs. 32,000
SIP: Rs. 6,000 per month (started in January 2022)
Insurance: Rs. 25,000 per year for term and health insurance
Loans: None
Retirement Goal: Age 50
Estimating Retirement Corpus
Assessing Future Expenses
Current Monthly Expenses: Estimate your current monthly expenses. This will help project future needs.

Inflation Adjustment: Account for inflation. Assuming a 6% annual inflation rate, your expenses will increase significantly over time.

Retirement Duration: Estimate the number of years you will need your retirement corpus. If you retire at 50 and live until 80, you need 30 years of support.

Investment Strategy
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Increase SIP Contributions: Gradually increase your SIP amount as your salary increases. This will boost your retirement corpus.

Diversified Funds: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This balances growth potential and risk.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Stable Returns: Consider opening a PPF account. It offers stable, tax-free returns and helps in building a secure retirement corpus.

Regular Contributions: Aim to contribute the maximum permissible amount each year (Rs. 1.5 lakhs).

National Pension System (NPS)
Additional Security: Invest in NPS for additional retirement savings. It provides a mix of equity and debt exposure with tax benefits.
Emergency Fund
Liquidity: Maintain an emergency fund covering at least 6 months of expenses. This ensures you don't dip into retirement savings for emergencies.
Insurance
Term Insurance
Adequate Coverage: Ensure your term insurance coverage is sufficient to support your family in case of unforeseen events.

Review Periodically: Review and adjust your coverage as your financial situation changes.

Health Insurance
Comprehensive Coverage: Ensure your health insurance policy provides comprehensive coverage for medical expenses.

Regular Payments: Continue paying the annual premium to keep your coverage active.

Calculating Required Corpus
Estimation Without Specific Calculations
Monthly Expenses Projection: Assume your current monthly expenses are Rs. 20,000. With 6% inflation, expenses will be higher at retirement.

Retirement Corpus: To sustain Rs. 20,000 monthly expenses adjusted for 6% inflation, you need a substantial retirement corpus.

Final Insights
Start Early: You have a good start with your SIP. Continue and increase contributions as your salary grows.

Diversify Investments: Balance between equity and debt for optimal growth and stability.

Regular Reviews: Periodically review your portfolio and adjust as needed.

By following these strategies, you can build a sufficient corpus to retire comfortably at 50.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Money
I'm 34 old have 70000 per month salary and want to retire at 55 what amount need to be plan
Ans: Retiring at 55 is a great aspiration. With clear planning, you can work toward achieving a comfortable corpus to sustain your lifestyle. This will require assessing your current income, projected expenses in retirement, and investing in options that offer growth while balancing risk.

Key Aspects to Consider in Retirement Planning
When planning for retirement, here’s a breakdown of factors to consider for a robust retirement strategy:

Current Lifestyle Expenses: Determine your current monthly expenses. While some expenses may reduce after retirement, healthcare and lifestyle-related costs may increase. This will help to plan a more realistic retirement goal.

Inflation Impact: Over the years, inflation can erode the purchasing power of your savings. Factoring in inflation will ensure your corpus remains sufficient throughout retirement. Assuming inflation between 5%-6% can help you anticipate future costs accurately.

Life Expectancy Estimate: Plan for at least 25 to 30 years post-retirement. Preparing for longevity will safeguard you against the risk of outliving your funds.

Medical and Contingency Fund: Healthcare costs tend to rise with age. Having a dedicated emergency and health fund is essential to prevent any financial disruptions in your retirement plan.

Projecting Retirement Corpus Requirements
To estimate the corpus, you’ll need to account for future expenses and retirement duration. At Rs 70,000 per month income, you could aim for about 60%-70% of your current income post-retirement to maintain a comfortable lifestyle. Here’s how to plan:

Set Monthly Retirement Income Target: Aiming to replace 60%-70% of your current income may be practical. So, if you currently earn Rs 70,000, you may aim for Rs 42,000 - Rs 49,000 per month post-retirement.

Plan for Inflation: If you estimate your expenses today, consider that they will likely increase due to inflation. Assuming inflation around 5%-6% annually, plan accordingly to ensure the corpus grows to match future expenses.

Target Corpus: Aiming for a corpus that provides sustainable withdrawals based on your expected retirement years will help. Generally, a larger corpus offers greater flexibility and financial independence.

Investment Strategy for Building a Retirement Corpus
To achieve your retirement goal, investing in high-growth assets, along with balanced risk management, is essential. Here’s a balanced approach:

Equity Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth: Equity mutual funds provide a higher return potential for long-term goals like retirement. Actively managed funds allow professional managers to optimize portfolio returns over time. They can outperform index funds due to active adjustments, giving you an edge in building wealth.

Disadvantages of Index Funds: While index funds have low expenses, they also lack active management. These funds may underperform in volatile markets as they strictly follow market indices without responding to economic changes. Instead, actively managed funds can be more beneficial for long-term, goal-based investments.

Regular Mutual Funds Over Direct Funds: Investing in regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional guidance and strategy. Direct funds, though cost-effective, require self-management, which can be challenging. With a CFP, you get the advantage of expert advice on asset allocation and regular reviews, ensuring your investments align with your retirement goals.

Debt Funds for Stability: As you approach retirement, gradually shifting part of your investments to debt funds can add stability. Debt funds provide lower returns than equities but protect against market volatility, securing a portion of your portfolio for near-term needs.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): PPF is a tax-efficient option for long-term wealth building, offering a fixed return with tax exemptions. It can serve as a stable addition to your retirement portfolio, adding more security to your investments.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Monthly SIPs in mutual funds can help you consistently build wealth. SIPs average out market volatility, making them suitable for disciplined retirement investing. This is especially beneficial as it allows you to accumulate a larger corpus through disciplined monthly investments.

Important Taxation Rules for Retirement Investments
Tax efficiency is key in retirement planning, as it maximizes your returns. Be aware of the following taxation rules:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Gains from debt funds, whether short or long-term, are taxed according to your income tax slab. Understanding these rules can help you make more tax-efficient investment decisions, especially for retirement.

Emergency and Medical Funds
As retirement nears, allocate a portion of your investments to an emergency fund, ideally in liquid assets for easy access. A separate medical fund is also crucial. If you do not have health insurance, consider it essential for mitigating unexpected healthcare expenses during retirement.

Regular Portfolio Review and Adjustments
It’s advisable to review your portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner. Life events, market changes, or adjustments in financial goals can impact your strategy. Regular reviews keep your retirement plan on track and aligned with your evolving needs.

Final Insights
Retiring at 55 requires foresight and disciplined investing. By setting a realistic monthly retirement income target, investing in a balanced portfolio, and factoring in inflation and life expectancy, you can work towards a secure retirement. Partnering with a Certified Financial Planner will provide strategic insights and ensure your investments remain aligned with your goals. Plan early, and you’ll have more freedom and security in retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8077 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025Hindi
Money
What is the amount that one needs to have to retire assuming by the age of 45?
Ans: Retiring early requires careful planning. You need a solid financial strategy.

Many factors affect how much you need. Let's break it down step by step.

Key Factors Affecting Retirement Corpus
Life Expectancy and Duration of Retirement
The earlier you retire, the longer your retirement period.

You may need funds for 40+ years after retirement.

Inflation increases expenses over time.

You must plan for financial security throughout life.

Inflation and Its Impact
Inflation reduces the value of money.

Your current expenses will rise in the future.

Healthcare, food, and travel costs will increase.

Your retirement corpus must account for inflation.

Current Lifestyle and Future Expenses
Your retirement lifestyle affects expenses.

Essential costs like food, medical, and housing continue.

Discretionary spending like vacations and hobbies vary.

Family responsibilities also impact financial needs.

Existing Assets and Liabilities
List your current assets, including savings and investments.

Check liabilities like loans and EMIs.

Pay off high-interest debts before retirement.

Avoid carrying financial burdens into retirement.

Estimating the Retirement Corpus
Monthly Expenses in Today’s Terms
Identify regular expenses like groceries, utilities, and rent.

Consider medical costs and insurance premiums.

Account for lifestyle-related spending.

Add any family-related financial commitments.

Adjusting for Inflation
Future expenses will be higher due to inflation.

The longer the retirement, the bigger the impact.

Your corpus must support rising expenses.

Expected Returns on Investment
Your retirement corpus should generate passive income.

You need investments that outpace inflation.

Active fund management can provide better returns.

Choosing the right asset allocation is crucial.

Contingency Planning for Unexpected Costs
Medical emergencies can be expensive.

Unexpected family obligations may arise.

Inflation could be higher than expected.

Your plan must include a safety buffer.

Investment Strategy for Retirement
Building a Strong Investment Portfolio
Diversify investments for stability.

A mix of equity and debt is essential.

Active funds offer better flexibility and growth.

Avoid locking funds in low-return options.

Importance of Active Fund Management
Actively managed funds provide better returns than passive funds.

Professional fund managers adjust portfolios based on market conditions.

Passive index funds limit growth potential.

Your money should work harder for long-term wealth.

Why Regular Funds Through CFPs are Better Than Direct Funds
Direct funds require active monitoring and expertise.

Regular funds with CFP guidance provide better decision-making.

CFPs help navigate market fluctuations.

Mistakes in direct investments can impact retirement security.

Health and Life Insurance Needs
Medical costs rise with age.

A good health insurance plan is essential.

Avoid insurance products mixed with investments.

Standalone term insurance provides better value.

Adjusting to Early Retirement Challenges
Handling the Absence of a Monthly Paycheck
No salary means dependence on savings and investments.

Investments must generate regular income.

Withdrawal strategies must prevent early depletion.

A well-planned financial structure ensures stability.

Mental and Emotional Preparedness
Work provides purpose and engagement.

Post-retirement activities should keep you engaged.

Consider part-time work, freelancing, or hobbies.

Financial freedom should not lead to idleness.

Managing Lifestyle Creep
More free time can lead to increased spending.

Stick to a planned budget.

Prioritize long-term financial security over impulsive spending.

Avoid high-risk investments post-retirement.

Common Mistakes to Avoid
Relying Solely on Fixed Deposits
FD returns may not beat inflation.

Interest rates fluctuate over time.

Overdependence on FDs reduces long-term growth.

A balanced portfolio provides better financial security.

Holding Investment-Linked Insurance Policies
LIC, ULIP, and investment-cum-insurance policies offer low returns.

These mix insurance with investment, reducing efficiency.

Surrender such policies and reinvest in mutual funds.

Separate investment and insurance for better returns.

Underestimating Medical Costs
Healthcare costs increase with age.

A medical emergency can drain savings.

A comprehensive health plan is non-negotiable.

Medical inflation must be accounted for in planning.

Ignoring Inflation and Market Risks
Inflation reduces purchasing power.

Market volatility affects investment returns.

A dynamic portfolio adjusts to economic conditions.

Staying invested in growth-oriented funds is crucial.

Final Insights
Early retirement at 45 requires detailed financial planning.

Inflation, expenses, and investment returns must be carefully considered.

A strong investment portfolio ensures long-term stability.

Avoid financial mistakes that impact retirement security.

Professional guidance from a CFP helps optimize wealth growth.

A well-planned retirement allows financial freedom and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1544 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2025
Relationship
I have a cousin brother (21 years). He is 5 years elder than me. His father & my father are own brothers. His father is also 5 years elder than my father. I am concerned about something. My cousin brother always orders my mother (40 years old) for such things who nobody wants to do. She obeys him always quietly without any hesitation. Like if he ask her to bath twice or thrice in a day, then she will bath thrice in a day. If he ask her to dance, then she will dance also. If he ask her to press his legs, then she will press his legs. If he ask her to not to eat anything, then she will not eat anything. She is totally behaving like his slave. I told about it to my father. He ignored my words & called it rubbish. I asked my mother why she is behaving like this, but she doesn't answer. I asked my cousin brother why is he doing like this & why is my mother obeying his words, he said it's none of my business. Can you please help & tell what's going on ??
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is kind of strange to see your mother act like this around him. This is definitely not something usual or causal and there is something deeper than what you can see or understand.
Does you father and his brother also notice the same or are they pretending to not notice it? This could give you a good understanding of what is going on. If your father is ignoring it, then kindly ask him to take some time out and explain this to you. On your part, spend more time with your mother; take her out, shop together, show her some fun time...encourage her to pursue some hobby or educational learning classes outside of home. When she starts to feel good about herself and does things for herself, she might be able to stand up for herself and push this fellow away.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1544 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

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Relationship
I am in a delimma on my daughters approach.She is a doctor and with higher specialisation . All of a sudden she comes forward and says wants to marry a person who is her batchmate but is an inter caste and younger to her by a year . Caste is of lowest strata . I am a person who always respected everybody but the approach of this kind without considering the pros and cons and acting very violently to make it happen is very disturbing and I am in a dilemma . Please suggest
Ans: Dear Janardhan,
She's your daughter; certainly you can talk to her about your concerns, right? And when she shares, do make sure that you LISTEN first. As parents, you can be concerned and be quick to judge the person that she has chosen to marry. But when you do that, you are only going to push her further away from you. Let her share her side first and then present your side of concerns...request her to think about it and have another discussion a few weeks later.
As a toddler when she threw a tantrum, what did you do? I am sure that you let the emotion pass, then you picked her up and showered her with affection, so that she registers that she will be loved and cared for BUT her tantrum will not be appreciated.
The situation is similar; so try to break into her world and hear her out first...I hope you understand that for logic of pros and cons to be communicated, there is a need to first accept the emotional state that she is in...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1544 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 03, 2025
Relationship
Hi, my name is Dhruv, I have been married for 13 years. It was love marriage. We dont have any kids, though we tried but due to medical complications, we could not have a child. After a point of time, we both accepted the situation and moved on. Since last 3-4 years, slowly we have been drifting apart, though we are together but the love, feeling of togetherness has gone, we talk only about our regular lives, household chores, relatives etc but never about US. That feeling of being loved, even we don't hug each other anymore. Though we do care for each other but its not love anymore. Recently I met someone through work and somehow felt a connect with her, I could talk about things which I'm not able to talk with my wife. She make me feel that I'm still important and now I always think about her, want to be with her, talk to her. Though it makes me guilty also as somewhere in my heart I still love my wife and want to make it work. I am torn between what is right and what is wrong. If I think about myself, my happiness and t it hurts my wife, am I selfish or should I restrict my feelings, please advise way out
Ans: Dear Dhruv,
The easiest way to feel better when a relationship is failing is to get into another one. Searching for what you want in the original relationship cannot be found anywhere else; so giving into that temptation is only going to make things more confusing.
So, if you still love your wife and want to make it work, what have the two of you done so far to make things work?
Working on the marriage is a task that needs effort and a certain kind of stubborn nature that will help you cross over the the challenges that can emerge.
Your marriage now requires a complete RESET. So, push that button and go back to where it all began; no baggage, no expectations, no complaining...When you accept a situation, then do so fully...you can't have children; if you have accepted it then what's the reason to move apart. It only suggests that it was a compromise and not an acceptance.
Understand that acceptance is being graceful about the situation and being supportive of one another. Begin life afresh; date one another...laugh together, do things together. Bring back the little joys and bigger goals for marriage and life...
And most importantly, be in complete support of one another! That hidden love that you both share needs to be watered and nurtured even more...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |103 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Mar 04, 2025

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Career
Hi Mam, Hope you are doing well. I am very worried about my son who is now 12.5 years old and studying in 7th standard in a very reputed school. Since childhood, he has no interest in studies, unless we doesn't seat in front of him, he doesn't study. Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class and the result is he doesn't get good marks in the exam. When we scold him for studies, he does it for that particular time only and then get back to his non-interest mode again and start to run from studies. He will play video games, goes to play around with his friends, he will find some or the other reason for not doing studies or homework. The irony is that he is not interested in any sports or any other kind of activities. In every summer holidays, we make him to join some sports or music classes, but there also he doesn't show interest and do things just for the sake of showing. From last year, we have started sending him to tuitions also, but no change in attitude. This year we have found a teacher of his reputed school who is retired and taking tuitions, we are sending him to her and she is charging a big amount for tuitions. please guide how can we change his attitude and make him more serious in any activity he does as he doesn't have interest in anything (we have observed doing everything we can).
Ans: Hello Sunil!!

I am doing great, thank you for asking, God bless you!

I can totally understand when you say you are worried.

Your son is 12.5, he will soon be a teenager. There will be different challenges, I want you to read up on parenting a teenager and be ready to handle him well.

The problem as I see it is that everyone of you, his teachers included have made studies like a burden for him.... and subjected the young child to a lot of anxiety, he just wants to run away form it....
"Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class".... this statement of yours... it is the teacher's duty to ensure the child listens to him/her, how can she start labeling a child like this. From a young age your son has been conditioned to believe that he is not not good in studies, he doesn't focus and he doesn't sit in one place. All my sympathies are with your son...every child comes with immense potential and it's our duty as parents and teachers to nurture the child.

The following is what I propose so that we bring him back to loving to learn ( not score marks, that should never be the barometer)-
1. Love your child the way he is now
2. Give him lot of positive strokes
3. Have one on one sessions for any activity you plan for him... let him choose the activity, empower him
4. choose a teacher, who can get along with him and help him develop a positive attitude towards studies and life in general
5. look for a school where they nurture him... not just a reputed one...less number of students and a teacher who is invested in her/ his students,

If you can connect with me, I can help him. Have had many a students in this kind situation.
This is my website..
https://transformme.co.in/

Loads of best wishes to the whole family..

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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