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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Neha Question by Neha on Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Money

Hellopus I am 40 year old married female and have a 1.5 year old daughter. Currently I am drawing 1.13 lakhs monthly. I have 28 lakhs in mutual funds, 10 lakhs in ppf, 26 lakhs in epf, 25 lakhs gold,20 lakhs in lic, 2 lakhs in fd, I am investing 60000 per month in various saving schemes. Now I intend to buy a property worth 1.30 crore. Shall I wait or invest. Am I in a position where I can pay monthly emi of 75000 for next 30 years.

Ans: You've built a strong financial foundation with your savings and investments. This is impressive, considering your current financial obligations and future goals. Let's take a detailed look at your situation and assess whether you should buy the property now or wait.

You earn Rs 1.13 lakhs monthly, and have substantial investments:

Rs 28 lakhs in mutual funds.
Rs 10 lakhs in PPF.
Rs 26 lakhs in EPF.
Rs 25 lakhs in gold.
Rs 20 lakhs in LIC.
Rs 2 lakhs in FD.
You also invest Rs 60,000 per month in various saving schemes.

Monthly EMI and Financial Stability
Purchasing a property worth Rs 1.30 crore will require a significant monthly EMI. If we assume an EMI of Rs 75,000 for 30 years, let's evaluate if this fits into your current financial structure.

Income and Expenses:
Your monthly income is Rs 1.13 lakhs. Deducting Rs 75,000 for EMI, you’ll have Rs 38,000 left for other expenses and investments.

Understanding Your Expenses
Your current monthly investments total Rs 60,000. After accounting for the EMI, it’s essential to ensure your remaining income covers your living expenses, savings, and unexpected costs.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is vital. Ideally, you should have 6-12 months of expenses saved. With Rs 2 lakhs in FD, consider increasing this fund to cover unforeseen expenses. This ensures financial stability without disrupting your EMI payments.

Assessing Investment Allocation
Mutual Funds:
You have Rs 28 lakhs in mutual funds. Mutual funds are versatile and offer potential growth. Ensure your portfolio is diversified across equity, debt, and hybrid funds to balance risk and return.

PPF and EPF:
Your PPF and EPF balances are Rs 10 lakhs and Rs 26 lakhs respectively. These are safe, long-term investments providing assured returns. They are also excellent for retirement planning.

Gold:
Gold worth Rs 25 lakhs adds stability and acts as a hedge against inflation. However, its returns are generally lower compared to other investment options.

LIC:
With Rs 20 lakhs in LIC policies, evaluate the performance and returns. If these are investment-cum-insurance policies, consider surrendering and reinvesting the amount in mutual funds for better growth.

FD:
Your Rs 2 lakhs in FD is a good start for an emergency fund. Ensure you have sufficient liquidity for emergencies.

Cash Flow and Loan Eligibility
Given your current financial commitments, paying a Rs 75,000 EMI might strain your cash flow. It's crucial to maintain a balance between your loan repayments and daily living expenses.

Impact on Lifestyle
Evaluate how a high EMI impacts your lifestyle. You must comfortably manage your expenses, investments, and future needs without financial stress.

Benefits of Waiting
Waiting to buy the property can provide several benefits:

Increased Savings: Allow more time to save, reducing loan amount and interest paid.
Market Conditions: Property prices may stabilize or fall, offering better deals.
Financial Cushion: Build a stronger financial cushion, reducing the burden of EMI.
Power of Compounding in Mutual Funds
Investing consistently in mutual funds harnesses the power of compounding. Over time, even small investments can grow significantly. This can enhance your financial stability and provide substantial returns.

Diversification and Risk Management
Diversifying your investments across different mutual funds reduces risk. Balancing between equity, debt, and hybrid funds helps manage market volatility and provides steady returns.

Mutual Fund Categories
Equity Funds: High risk, high reward. Suitable for long-term growth.
Debt Funds: Lower risk, stable returns. Ideal for short to medium-term goals.
Hybrid Funds: Mix of equity and debt. Balanced risk and return.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management: Managed by experts, providing better growth opportunities.
Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell, offering flexibility.
Diversification: Reduces risk by investing in a variety of assets.
Tax Benefits: Certain funds offer tax advantages under sections like 80C.
Potential Risks
Market Volatility: Equity funds are subject to market fluctuations.
Credit Risk: Debt funds carry the risk of issuer default.
Interest Rate Risk: Affects bond prices and, consequently, debt funds.
Reassessing LIC Policies
Evaluate your LIC policies. If they are investment-cum-insurance, consider surrendering them. The amount can be reinvested in mutual funds for better returns and flexibility.

Future Goals and Planning
Your financial planning should align with future goals like your daughter’s education and marriage. Ensure your investments are structured to meet these goals without straining your current finances.

Creating a Balanced Portfolio
Your portfolio should balance risk and reward. A mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds provides growth and stability. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to align with your goals and market conditions.

Certified Financial Planner
Engage with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor a financial strategy. They provide personalized advice, ensuring your investments align with your goals and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
Buying a property is a significant decision. Evaluate your financial stability, future goals, and current commitments before proceeding. Ensure you maintain a balance between loan repayments and living expenses. Waiting might provide better financial security and opportunities.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Hi Sir, I am 36, in hand salary is 2.4 lakhs per month(including rental) I have 2 properties 1st current market value 2.2cr outstanding loan 40 lakhs 2nd. 60 lakh outstanding loan of 28 lakhs(taking tax benefit on this). Apart from this I personally have 0 savings in cash. My wife is housewife. At current market value we will have roughly 60 lakhs of gold. Recently bought a car on loan with emi of 35k. My monthly emi outflow is 1.1 lakh with roughly 1 lakh as additional monthly expense. Whatever I am able to save currently I am using it to pay of my Housing loan no.1. Need your suggestion on financial planning & decision that I should take in future
Ans: Given your financial situation, it's important to prioritize debt management, savings, and investment planning to achieve your long-term financial goals. Here are some tailored suggestions:

Debt Management:
Continue prioritizing the repayment of your housing loans. Focus on clearing high-interest debt first, such as the outstanding loan on Property 1.
Explore options to accelerate debt repayment, such as allocating any surplus income towards loan prepayments.
Review the terms of your car loan and consider refinancing if possible to reduce the monthly EMI burden.

Emergency Fund:
Establish an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of your household expenses. This fund will provide a financial buffer in case of unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.
Set aside a portion of your monthly income towards building this fund gradually, even while repaying loans.

Savings and Investments:
Once you have built an emergency fund, allocate a portion of your income towards systematic savings and investments.
Consider investing in tax-efficient instruments like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to optimize tax benefits while generating potential long-term returns.

Diversify your investment portfolio across asset classes such as equity, debt, and gold to mitigate risk and enhance overall returns.

Insurance Coverage:
Review your existing insurance coverage, including life, health, and property insurance, to ensure adequate protection for your family and assets.
Consider purchasing term insurance policies to provide financial security to your dependents in the event of any unforeseen circumstances.

Financial Planning:
Engage the services of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to develop a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your specific goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.
Work with your financial planner to set clear objectives, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth accumulation, and devise a strategy to achieve them systematically.

Budgeting and Expense Management:
Track your monthly expenses diligently to identify areas where you can optimize spending and redirect savings towards debt repayment and investments.
Create a realistic budget that accounts for all essential expenses, loan repayments, savings, and discretionary spending.

Future Financial Goals:
Define your long-term financial goals, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth creation, and allocate resources accordingly.
Regularly review your financial plan with your spouse and adjust strategies as needed based on changing circumstances and priorities.

By adopting a disciplined approach to debt management, savings, and investment planning, you can gradually improve your financial health and work towards achieving your long-term financial objectives. Consulting with a qualified financial advisor or planner can provide valuable guidance and support in navigating complex financial decisions and optimizing your overall financial well-being.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

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HELLO SIR, I AM 37 YEARS OLD AND OWNS A PROPERTY OF WORTH 90 LAKHS RIGHT NOW BOUGHT 8 YEARS BACK FOR 60 LAKHS. MY EMI IS AROUND 43K PER MONTH FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS. ME AND MY WIFE EARNS AROUND 110000 PER MONTH. MONTHLY EXPENSE IS AROUND 35K. I HAVE 1 KID. HAVE I DONE RIGHT INVESTMENT OR IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY AROUND.
Ans: It sounds like you've been diligently managing your finances and investing in property, which is a significant accomplishment. Let's take a closer look at your situation and explore potential strategies to optimize your financial position.

Assessing Your Current Investment: Property Ownership
Owning a property valued at 90 lakhs, which you purchased eight years ago for 60 lakhs, indicates a healthy appreciation in value over time. Property can be a valuable asset that offers potential long-term growth and stability.

Evaluating Financial Commitments: Mortgage and Monthly Expenses
With an EMI of 43k per month for another 20 years, it's essential to ensure that this obligation fits comfortably within your budget. Considering your combined monthly income of 1,10,000 and expenses of 35k, it seems like you're managing your finances responsibly.

Considering Future Financial Goals
As a family with one child, planning for the future is crucial. It's commendable that you're proactively assessing your investment decisions to ensure financial security and growth.

Exploring Alternative Investment Opportunities
While property investment can be lucrative, diversifying your portfolio with other assets may provide additional benefits. Consider exploring investment options such as mutual funds, stocks, or retirement accounts to supplement your existing holdings.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner
Given your financial goals and current assets, consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide valuable insights and personalized recommendations. A CFP can help you assess your risk tolerance, identify investment opportunities, and create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your needs.

Conclusion
Overall, your investment in property has proven to be a wise decision, considering the appreciation in value over time. However, exploring alternative investment avenues and seeking professional financial advice can further enhance your financial well-being and help you achieve your long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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I am 30 yrs old my current salary is 85000per month m working at govt sector.i want to take loan of 60 lakh for buying a property which is 30 yr repayment with 40000 per month emi. my monthly expenses is 20000 My father's having 40000 per month pension and 40 lakh retirement money .pls advise me is it wise to buy property now with loan
Ans: Financial Assessment and Considerations
You earn Rs 85,000 per month and work in the government sector. Your monthly expenses are Rs 20,000. You are considering a Rs 60 lakh loan with a 30-year repayment and Rs 40,000 EMI. Your father has a Rs 40,000 pension and Rs 40 lakh retirement fund.

Loan Repayment Analysis
EMI Commitment: A Rs 40,000 EMI will take up nearly half of your salary. This leaves Rs 25,000 for other expenses and savings.

Debt-to-Income Ratio: With an EMI of Rs 40,000, your debt-to-income ratio will be close to 47%. This is high and might strain your finances.

Monthly Budget Post Loan
Remaining Salary: After EMI, you will have Rs 45,000.

Expenses: Your monthly expenses are Rs 20,000. This leaves Rs 25,000 for savings and other financial goals.

Savings and Investment Potential
Current Savings: Ensure you have an emergency fund covering at least six months of expenses.

Investment: Regular investments in mutual funds and retirement savings are crucial.

Father's Financial Support
Pension: Your father's Rs 40,000 pension can provide some financial support.

Retirement Fund: The Rs 40 lakh retirement fund should be invested wisely for long-term growth and stability.

Risks and Challenges
Financial Strain: A high EMI can reduce your ability to save and invest.

Interest Rate Fluctuations: Long-term loans are subject to interest rate changes, which can affect EMIs.

Unexpected Expenses: High monthly commitments may limit your capacity to handle unexpected expenses.

Alternatives to Consider
Wait and Save: Consider saving more for a larger down payment. This will reduce the loan amount and EMI.

Shorter Loan Tenure: Opting for a shorter loan tenure can reduce the total interest paid, though EMIs will be higher.

Joint Loan: Taking a joint loan with your father can spread the financial burden.

Final Insights
Buying property with a high loan and EMI can strain your finances. Assess your ability to manage EMIs, savings, and unexpected expenses. Consider saving more or looking for alternatives to reduce financial stress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

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My age is 48 and iam earning 2 lacs per month and rental income is 25k My emi home.loa. is.41000 loan for next 20 years Car loan emi is 16000 for average 7 years Fd i have around 30 lacs Ppf 5 lacs I have sip in equity for 15000.per.month mf is 3.90.lacs today. Ppf i have 3 lacs I have 2 kids daughter is 18 and son is 10 yrs. I have health insurance 15 lacs Term.insurance 30 lacs I have private job. Planning to work til 58. Pleaee advice on investments, debts etc..
Ans: You have a stable income, disciplined savings, and manageable loans. Planning for the next 10 years with a focus on debt reduction, investments, and child education is critical.

Current Income and Expenses
1. Monthly Income and Commitments

Salary: Rs. 2,00,000
Rental Income: Rs. 25,000
Home Loan EMI: Rs. 41,000
Car Loan EMI: Rs. 16,000
2. Savings Overview

FD: Rs. 30 Lakhs
PPF: Rs. 5 Lakhs (including Rs. 3 Lakhs new)
SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 15,000 monthly, current corpus Rs. 3.9 Lakhs
Goals Assessment
1. Child Education

Your daughter (18 years) will need higher education support soon.

Start estimating costs and align investments accordingly.

Your son (10 years) has 7-8 years for higher education planning.

2. Retirement Planning

You plan to retire at 58 years.
Your income will stop, but expenses and goals like child marriage will remain.
3. Debt Management

Home Loan EMI is Rs. 41,000 for 20 years, requiring long-term commitment.
Car Loan EMI is Rs. 16,000 for the next 7 years, increasing short-term outflow.
Recommendations for Investment
1. Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth

Increase SIPs to Rs. 25,000 monthly for a diversified equity mutual fund portfolio.
Include large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced growth.
Ensure you invest through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice.
2. Debt Mutual Funds for Stability

Shift a portion of FD to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Ensure at least 20% of your portfolio is in stable debt funds.
3. PPF Contributions

Continue PPF contributions for tax-saving benefits and risk-free returns.
Invest up to Rs. 1.5 Lakhs annually to utilise the full tax exemption.
Debt Management Strategies
1. Accelerate Home Loan Repayment

Use surplus income or maturing FDs to prepay the home loan.
Reducing tenure lowers overall interest outgo significantly.
2. Reassess Car Loan

Evaluate if car loan can be repaid earlier using your FDs.
This will free Rs. 16,000 monthly for investment or other priorities.
Child Education Planning
1. Create a Separate Education Fund

Start SIPs in hybrid or balanced advantage mutual funds for your daughter’s education.
For your son, invest in mid-cap and flexi-cap mutual funds for long-term growth.
2. Use Debt Funds for Near-Term Needs

For education expenses in the next 2-3 years, use debt mutual funds or FDs.
Avoid equity funds for short-term needs due to market volatility.
Insurance Review
1. Health Insurance

Your health cover of Rs. 15 Lakhs is good.
Add a super top-up policy to increase coverage to Rs. 25-30 Lakhs.
2. Term Insurance

Current term cover of Rs. 30 Lakhs may be insufficient.
Increase it to Rs. 1 Crore to protect your family’s financial future.
Tax Efficiency Planning
1. Optimise Deductions

Use the full Rs. 1.5 Lakhs limit under Section 80C through PPF and ELSS.
Claim home loan interest deductions under Section 24(b).
2. Plan Mutual Fund Redemptions

Be mindful of the new mutual fund capital gains tax rules.
Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liability.
Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but you must focus on efficient planning. Prioritise debt reduction, increase SIP contributions, and optimise your portfolio. Separate education funds and ensure adequate insurance coverage. With these steps, you can achieve financial freedom by 58 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Not all men chat with multiple women when they are serious about their relationship. Some might, but most men in exclusive relationships don't continue chatting. If his chats are truly friendly, there isn't much to worry about. But if you think there is more to it, I would suggest you reconsider the relationship.

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Recently, I (28M) had surgery and have been bedridden for 15 days. During this time, my girlfriend told me her female friend wanted to meet up with a guy. This guy was bringing along a male friend whom I’ve asked my girlfriend to avoid in the past because he tends to get touchy with her. They planned to stay in a hotel, and her friend wanted to be with the guy at night, meaning my girlfriend and the touchy guy would likely share a single room. A couple of days before the trip, she asked me if she should go. I told her it was her choice but made it clear I wasn’t happy about it. Despite that, she went, and when I confronted her, she gave responses like: • “I didn’t invite the touchy guy; the other guy did.” • “Just because you’re bedridden, you don’t want me to go outside.” • “I didn’t touch him; he got touchy with me.” Yeah, maybe I’m jealous or overthinking, but this whole situation has made me unsure about marriage altogether. Am I overreacting?
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I really cannot comment if you are overreacting or have every reason to feel this way without knowing a bit more about the entire situation. But what I can tell is that you should communicate your feelings to your partner. Let her know that while maintaining individuality or pursuing individual wishes in a relationship is important, it is equally important to pay heed to what makes your partner uncomfortable. Your request, from what information you have provided, seemed reasonable, while her reasoning that it is the guy's fault, not hers also makes perfect sense. So I think the best course of action is to let the situation calm down and have an open conversation. Could she have avoided this meetup to make you happy? Yes. But, she could've thought that if she avoids one thing for your happiness, you might start asking her to give up more things in the future, which is a real issue in many relationships. I think it is important to clear up all of these concerns and feelings before moving on with lifelong commitment.

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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