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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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Hello A few years ago I was given an SBI credit card saying it will be free renewal. When they started levying a renewal fee I cancelled it, and they said they will cancel the charge and I can continue using it. I have a main credit card with another bank, so I haven’t used the SBI credit card at all for the last couple of years. A few weeks ago I noticed that there was a Rs 2700 levy on the SBI card, and was given a deadline to make the payment. I decided to cancel it again, but the phone executive who called me after I applied for cancellation said they will cancel this charge and if I can continue to use the credit card. Then I got a message that my request for waiver of this fee has been rejected and to pay this amount. This charge of Rs 2700 is renewal fee + late fee for not paying it + penalty, it is not for any transaction that I defaulted on. Now I have got another message from SBI Card saying if I don’t make this payment of Rs 2700, they will pass on my information to credit rating agencies for downgrading me. I have not defaulted on a payment in my life. This amount SBI Cards is claiming is not a default on my transaction, but a renewal fee they levied, and when I didn’t want to renew my card by paying it they added late fees and then penalty on the whole thing. How do I get out of this? Please help

Ans: First, I empathize with the frustration you're experiencing. It can be distressing to deal with unexpected charges, especially when they can impact your credit score. You’re not alone in this; many people face similar issues with credit card companies. Here’s a step-by-step approach to resolving this situation.

Steps to Resolve the Issue
1. Gather Documentation

Collect all the communication you have received from SBI Cards. This includes emails, SMS messages, and any written correspondence. Also, have a record of your cancellation request and their responses.

2. Contact Customer Service

Contact SBI Cards customer service once more. Explain the situation clearly and provide all the details. Ask them to escalate your issue to a higher authority or the grievance redressal department.

3. Write a Formal Complaint

If the phone call doesn't resolve your issue, write a formal complaint. Address it to the grievance redressal officer of SBI Cards. Include:

Your card details (without sharing sensitive information like the full card number)
The timeline of events
The fact that you were promised a fee waiver
Copies of any relevant communication
A clear request for the fee and penalties to be reversed
Send this complaint via email and registered post to ensure it is received and documented.

4. Approach the Banking Ombudsman

If SBI Cards does not resolve your issue within 30 days, you can escalate the matter to the Banking Ombudsman. The Ombudsman is a quasi-judicial authority set up to resolve customer complaints against banks. To file a complaint with the Ombudsman:

Visit the RBI Banking Ombudsman website.
Select the appropriate jurisdiction.
Fill out the online complaint form, including all details and attaching your documentation.
5. Check Your Credit Report

Regularly monitor your credit report. You can get a free credit report once a year from each of the credit bureaus (CIBIL, Equifax, Experian, CRIF High Mark). Check if the disputed amount has affected your score.

6. Legal Advice

If the issue persists, consider seeking legal advice. A lawyer specializing in consumer rights can guide you on the next steps and potentially send a legal notice to SBI Cards.

Preventive Measures for the Future
1. Cancel Unused Cards Properly

Always ensure that you receive a confirmation of cancellation in writing. Keep a record of this confirmation for future reference.

2. Monitor Your Accounts

Regularly check your credit card statements and accounts, even for cards you don’t frequently use. This helps you catch any unexpected charges early.

3. Understand Terms and Conditions

Before accepting any credit card or service, carefully read and understand the terms and conditions, especially regarding fees and renewal charges.

Final Insights
Dealing with credit card companies can sometimes be challenging. However, by following a systematic approach, documenting all communications, and escalating issues when necessary, you can resolve such disputes. It’s crucial to act promptly to prevent any negative impact on your credit score. Stay persistent and assertive in your communications with SBI Cards, and don't hesitate to escalate the matter if you don't receive a satisfactory resolution.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2024

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I am not having any SBI debit card but daily I am receiving message to pay an amount of rs10372.54for last few years. I had written several mails to concerned AGMMumbai regarding the same and as per his message it was forwarded for na.Still I am receiving sms to pay the above said amount.I had even complained in the sbicard chargeback.com site regarding the same dozen times but in vain.I am not getting any proper reply except the standard ones. Even the name is not correct{bearing someone else name} and also I do not have the card no which I mentioned in every communication to SBI. Pl advise what option is left for me. I had also visited SBI regarding the same but they said contact SBI card section.
Ans: It sounds like you're facing a frustrating situation with recurring messages about a payment for an SBI debit card that you don't have. Despite your efforts to contact the concerned parties and raise the issue through multiple channels, you haven't received a satisfactory resolution.

At this point, since you've already contacted both the AGM in Mumbai and lodged complaints through the SBI card chargeback website without success, you may want to explore additional steps to resolve the issue:

Escalate the Matter: Consider escalating your complaint within SBI's hierarchy. You can try reaching out to higher authorities or different departments within SBI, such as customer service or dispute resolution, to seek further assistance.

Legal Assistance: If the issue persists despite your efforts and continues to cause inconvenience or distress, you may consider seeking legal advice or assistance. A legal expert can provide guidance on your rights and options for resolving the matter through legal channels.

Consumer Protection Agencies: Contact consumer protection agencies or ombudsman services that deal with banking-related grievances. They may be able to intervene on your behalf and facilitate a resolution with the bank.

Credit Reporting Agencies: If the incorrect information is affecting your credit score or financial standing, you can contact credit reporting agencies to dispute any inaccuracies and request corrections to your credit report.

Document Everything: Ensure you keep records of all your communication attempts, including emails, complaint reference numbers, and any responses received. This documentation can be valuable if you need to provide evidence or pursue further action.

Ultimately, persistence and patience may be necessary as you navigate the process of resolving this issue. Keep advocating for yourself and exploring different avenues until you achieve a satisfactory outcome.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 14, 2024

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Hello Sir, I am Sam, I made a payment for my sbi credit card dues on 31.10.2024 but some festival session I missed out then today 04.11.2024 paid the outstanding what are the my interst and penalty my outstanding charges is rs.48000/-.
Ans: Mr. Sam. I appreciate that you took action to pay your outstanding credit card dues. Let’s address your concern step-by-step and analyse the potential penalties and interest charges you might face for the delayed payment.

Understanding Credit Card Late Payment Charges
Since your credit card due date was on 31.10.2024, and you made the payment on 04.11.2024, there is a delay of 4 days.

Most credit card companies, including SBI, charge a late payment fee if payments are not made on or before the due date. Additionally, interest charges are applied on the outstanding amount.

The fees and interest can add up quickly, especially if the outstanding amount is significant, like your balance of Rs 48,000.

Let’s break down the potential charges you could face and how they are typically calculated.

Late Payment Fee
Credit card companies usually charge a fixed late payment fee based on the outstanding balance.

For an outstanding balance like yours (Rs 48,000), the late payment fee can range between Rs 750 to Rs 1,300.

The fee depends on the bank's specific policies, so you may want to check your credit card terms or contact customer service for the exact amount.

Interest Charges on Outstanding Dues
Credit card interest rates can be quite high, typically ranging from 3% to 4% per month, which translates to an annual rate of 36% to 48%.

Since you missed the due date, the interest will be charged on the full amount of Rs 48,000 from the billing date, not just the delayed period.

Additionally, interest will also be charged on any new purchases made until the payment is fully cleared. This is known as the revolving credit interest.

Potential GST Charges
In addition to late payment fees and interest, GST (Goods and Services Tax) of 18% is applied on both the late fee and the interest charges.

This means that your overall charges will increase slightly due to this additional tax.

Summary of Expected Charges
Late Payment Fee: Approximately Rs 750 to Rs 1,300 based on your outstanding balance.

Interest Charges: Calculated on the outstanding amount of Rs 48,000 at a rate of 3% to 4% per month.

GST: An additional 18% on the total of late fee and interest.

Immediate Actions to Minimise Future Charges
Pay Off Dues Quickly: If possible, try to pay off any remaining balance immediately to stop further interest accumulation.

Contact the Bank: It may be worth calling the SBI customer service and explaining your situation. Sometimes, banks waive late fees for customers with a good payment history.

Set Up Auto-Debit Facility: To avoid missing payments in the future, set up an auto-debit from your bank account for at least the minimum due amount.

Monitor Your Statements: Regularly check your credit card statements to avoid any surprise charges. It’s crucial to stay on top of payments, especially during festive or busy periods.

Long-Term Strategies to Avoid Debt Trap
Credit cards are convenient but can lead to debt if not managed carefully. Here are some suggestions:

Clear Dues in Full: Always aim to clear the total due amount by the due date. Paying only the minimum due will result in accumulating interest on the remaining balance.

Avoid Making New Purchases on Credit: Until you clear your dues, try to avoid using your credit card for new purchases to prevent additional interest.

Emergency Fund: If possible, build a small emergency fund to handle unexpected expenses. This way, you won't have to rely on credit cards.

Use Debit Cards for Everyday Expenses: To reduce your dependency on credit, use a debit card for regular purchases. This will help you manage your expenses better.

Some Final Insights
Credit card debt can quickly spiral out of control if not managed properly. The key is to act promptly and clear your dues to avoid paying hefty fees.

Late fees, interest, and GST charges can add up, making it essential to pay attention to due dates. Even a few days' delay can be costly.

By taking proactive measures and maintaining discipline in payments, you can avoid future charges and keep your finances in good health.

If you are struggling with managing debt or financial planning, consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner to guide you towards better financial management.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  | Answer  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 25, 2025Hindi
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Hello sir I got a call from a number asking to enhance credit card limit for SBI yesterday. HE TOLD ME THAT he is calling from SBI credit card department main branch Pune. He asked me to go in Google Chrome online card support. I went there and he asked me to verify your cards and you can check your increase limit instantly. While I was doing so, that site shows my otp was not verified. Again he asked me for my second card details while I was doing so I found message of deduction of 18018, 4925 and 4805 respectively for Amazon India, blunt it and blim communication. I told that person he told me that this is may be bank hold your limit for some time. You will see your limit increase by tomorrow. I asked him to refund my money. They he told if I was a fraud why should I talk to you. Sir don't worry you will get your money back. Again I asked him then he threatening me if you will hipper than I will disconnect the line and he disconnected. Within half an hour I report to cyber crime which actually not supported. They cut the call 6-7 time. And I connected to sbi credit card customer care and block my card and raise a dispute for the transaction. Please guide me for further, as today I called both of them they replied that your money go to amazon and product is delivered so you will not get any refund. Go and do FIR you may got that account details.
Ans: Hello;

Please file FIR with cyber cell(helpline no. 1930)/local Police immediately.

Inform RBI and SBI about the fraud and seek help for refund.

Please be vey careful and cautious.

Never share your personal details, OTP etc on public platforms and phone calls/messages.

Best wishes;

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

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Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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