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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 11, 2024Hindi
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Hi Gurus, I'm 37+, monthly take home salary 2.17 Lakhs, married (wife working, earning decent salary, no kid as of yet). I contribute 32.4k pm (12% EPF + 10% VPF) towards PF (balance ~27 Lakhs), 14.7k pm towards NPS as Employer's contribution + 50k yearly towards Tier2 (balance ~11.6 Lakhs), 1.5 Lakhs yearly towards PPF (balance ~11.3 Lakhs) and have couple of LIC plans with SA ~11 lakhs maturing in 10 years. I also have MF SIP of 50k pm as below (total portfolio value ~19.7 Lakhs with small holdings in International Funds) which I wish to top up by 15% every year. 1. Kotak Small Cap - 3000 2. Axis Small Cap - 3000 3. Edelweiss Mid Cap - 3000 4. PGIM Mid Cap - 3000 5. PGIM Flexi Cap - 3000 6. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap - 5000 7. Quant Active Fund - 5000 8. Edelweiss Bal. Advtg. Fund - 3000 9. Mirae Assets L&M Cap - 5000 10. Canara Robeco Emerging Equity - 3000 11. Canara Robeco Bluechip - 3000 12. SBI Focused Equity - 5000 13. ICICI Pru. Focused Equity - 3000 14. Edelweiss US Tech ETF FoF - 3000 I have my own loan free home, health insurance from the company, no term insurance and a liquid emergency fund of 12 Lakhs. My average monthly expenses are around 1.3 Lakhs. I know I'm heavily into equity without having the balance of Debt or Gold, but for that reason I contribute towards FI instruments like PF, PPF as much as possible. Also I'm aware that my MF portfolio has become over diversified over the years. My ultimate financial target is to accumulate 10cr by my late 50s. Could you please suggest how far or diverted I am from my target and what all adjustments should I make to my overall investment portfolio.

Ans: ou have a well-diversified investment portfolio with a strong focus on equity through both mutual funds and retirement savings. However, there are a few areas you may consider adjusting:

Diversification: While equity can provide high returns over the long term, ensure you have adequate diversification across asset classes. Consider allocating a portion of your portfolio to debt instruments like bonds or fixed deposits for stability.

Insurance: Since you don't have term insurance, consider purchasing a policy to provide financial security to your dependents in case of any unfortunate event.

Review MF Portfolio: Consolidate and streamline your mutual fund holdings to avoid over-diversification. Focus on high-quality funds with proven track records and consider reducing the number of funds to simplify your portfolio management.

Goal Planning: Reassess your financial goals and time horizon periodically to ensure your investments are aligned with your objectives. Consider seeking professional advice to develop a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your needs.

Regular Review: Continuously monitor the performance of your investments and make adjustments as necessary to stay on track towards your long-term financial goals.

By making these adjustments and staying disciplined in your investment approach, you can work towards achieving your target of accumulating 10 crores by your late 50s.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 03, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 working professional. Below is my MF portfolio . 1. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund 2.6 lakhs + 10K SIP 2. PGIM India Midcap Opportunities Fund 1.85 L Value + 5K SIP 3. Quant ELSS Tax Saver Fund 80K 4. Axis Small Cap Fund 1.85 Lakhs Value + 5K SIP 5. Axis Gold Fund 75K Value + 5K SIP 6. Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity Fund 70K 7. Quant Multi Asset Fund 50K 8. SBI Magnum Income Fund 50K 9. ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund 50K 10. Quant Active Fund 50K 11. ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund 25K I want to build a retirement corpus of 2 crore in 10 years. I am planning to invest around 50K every month. Plus i have. surplus of 4Lakks which i want to invest in few of the MFs above. Planning to exit Canara Robeco bluechip and Axis Small cap soon. Please suggest if any changes you want me to do.
Ans: Given your goal of building a retirement corpus of 2 crores in 10 years and your current portfolio, here are some suggestions:

Increase SIP Contributions: Consider increasing your SIP amounts in high-performing funds like Parag Parikh Flexi Cap and PGIM India Midcap Opportunities Fund, which have shown good potential for long-term growth.

Review and Consolidate: Evaluate the performance of all your funds and consider consolidating your portfolio to fewer, well-performing funds to simplify management and potentially enhance returns.

Focus on Quality: Prioritize funds with strong track records, consistent performance, and experienced fund management teams. Consider adding large-cap and diversified equity funds for stability and balanced growth.

Asset Allocation: Ensure a balanced asset allocation across equity, debt, and gold funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon. Reallocate surplus funds strategically to maintain a diversified portfolio.

Regular Review: Monitor your portfolio regularly and make adjustments as needed based on changes in market conditions, fund performance, and your financial goals.

Consider consulting with a financial advisor for personalized advice tailored to your specific circumstances and goals.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

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Hi Sunil.. I am 42 years old.. Have accumulated around 1.3 Crores as of today in MF(51.5 L), PPF/SSY (36 L) and EPF(46 L). Target is to reach around 10 crores in the next 13-15 years. I am a High Risk investor. I am investing in the below mutual funds for a minimum tenure of another 13 years.. UTI Nifty 50 Index (13k), Mirae Asset Large and Midcap (3k), UTI Nifty 200 Momentum 30 (18k), Quant Midcap (35k), Invesco India Midcap (35k) , Axis Small Cap (18k), Parag Parikh Flexicap (20k) and Quant Flexicap (20k) and Mirae Asset MidSmall400 Momentum Quality 100 ETF FoF (18k). Apart from this will continue investing in PPF (1.5 L yearly), Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (1.5 L yearly) and EPF (3.4 L yearly). Am I aligned to reach the goal with the funds selected or any changes needs to be done. Pls. suggest.
Ans: Current Financial Position
You are 42 years old.

You have accumulated Rs 1.3 crores in various investments.

Mutual Funds: Rs 51.5 lakhs

PPF/SSY: Rs 36 lakhs

EPF: Rs 46 lakhs

You are a high-risk investor.

Your goal is to reach Rs 10 crores in the next 13-15 years.

Assessment of Current Investments
Mutual Funds
Your mutual fund portfolio includes:

Large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds

Flexicap funds

An ETF fund of funds

You are investing significant amounts monthly.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF)
You have Rs 36 lakhs in PPF/SSY and Rs 46 lakhs in EPF.

These are safe, long-term investments.

Monthly Contributions
You invest:

Rs 1.5 lakhs yearly in PPF

Rs 1.5 lakhs yearly in SSY

Rs 3.4 lakhs yearly in EPF

Evaluating Future Investment Needs
Mutual Fund Selection
Your mutual fund selection is diversified.

You have exposure to large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap segments.

Index Funds and ETFs
You have invested in an index fund and ETF fund of funds.

Index funds and ETFs follow the market. They do not aim to outperform it.

Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market.

They provide professional management and potentially higher returns.

Consider focusing more on actively managed funds.

Recommendations for Portfolio Optimization
Increase Allocation to Actively Managed Funds
Consider increasing your allocation to actively managed funds.

They offer potential for higher returns and professional management.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Review and rebalance your portfolio regularly.

Ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.

Focus on High-Growth Funds
Given your high-risk appetite, focus on high-growth mutual funds.

Mid-cap and small-cap funds can offer significant growth.

Maintain Safe Investments
Continue your investments in PPF, SSY, and EPF.

These provide stability and guaranteed returns.

Evaluate ULIPs
If you have ULIPs, consider their charges and returns.

Surrendering ULIPs and reinvesting in mutual funds might be beneficial.

Professional Guidance
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner.

They can provide tailored advice and ensure your investments align with your goals.

Final Insights
You have a well-diversified portfolio.

Focus more on actively managed funds for potential higher returns.

Review and rebalance your portfolio regularly.

Continue with safe investments like PPF, SSY, and EPF.

Consider professional guidance for optimized investment strategies.

Stay focused on your goal of reaching Rs 10 crores.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 05, 2024

Money
Hi Dev.. I am 42 years old.. Have accumulated around 1.3 Crores as of today in MF(51.5 L), PPF/SSY (36 L) and EPF(46 L). Target is to reach around 10 crores in the next 13-15 years. I am a High Risk investor. I am investing in the below mutual funds for a minimum tenure of another 13 years.. UTI Nifty 50 Index (13k), Mirae Asset Large and Midcap (3k), UTI Nifty 200 Momentum 30 (18k), Quant Midcap (35k), Invesco India Midcap (35k) , Axis Small Cap (18k), Parag Parikh Flexicap (20k) and Quant Flexicap (20k) and Mirae Asset MidSmall400 Momentum Quality 100 ETF FoF (18k). Apart from this will continue investing in PPF (1.5 L yearly), Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (1.5 L yearly) and EPF (3.4 L yearly). Am I aligned to reach the goal with the funds selected or any changes needs to be done. Pls. suggest.
Ans: You're doing a great job with your investments. At 42 years old, you've accumulated around Rs 1.3 crores in various investment avenues. That's commendable. You're on the right track towards your goal of Rs 10 crores in the next 13-15 years. Let’s analyze and evaluate your current investment strategy, its alignment with your goals, and potential areas of improvement.

Mutual Fund Investments: A Deep Dive
Overview and Assessment
You've diversified your mutual fund investments across various categories, which is a good strategy. Here's a closer look:

UTI Nifty 50 Index and UTI Nifty 200 Momentum 30: These funds focus on large-cap stocks and momentum strategies. While they offer stability, they might not match your high-risk appetite. Actively managed funds could provide better returns.

Mirae Asset Large and Midcap: This fund offers a balance between large and mid-cap stocks, providing a mix of stability and growth potential.

Quant Midcap and Invesco India Midcap: Midcap funds offer higher growth potential but come with increased volatility.

Axis Small Cap: Small-cap funds can offer high returns but are riskier. Given your high-risk tolerance, this fits well in your portfolio.

Parag Parikh Flexicap and Quant Flexicap: Flexicap funds provide the flexibility to invest across market capitalizations, which can be beneficial in changing market conditions.

Mirae Asset MidSmall400 Momentum Quality 100 ETF FoF: This fund focuses on momentum and quality factors, aligning with your aggressive investment style.

Analysis and Recommendations
Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds

Your portfolio includes index funds like UTI Nifty 50 Index. Index funds track market indices, offering average market returns. Actively managed funds can potentially outperform index funds due to skilled fund management, especially in a high-risk strategy. Consider reallocating some investments from index funds to actively managed large-cap funds.

Risk and Reward Balance

You're heavily invested in midcap and small-cap funds, which aligns with your high-risk tolerance. However, ensure you're comfortable with the potential volatility. Maintaining a balance with some stable large-cap or balanced advantage funds could cushion against market downturns.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments

It's essential to regularly review and adjust your portfolio based on market conditions and fund performance. Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice.

Power of Compounding and Long-Term Growth
Compounding: Your Best Ally
The power of compounding is your best ally in achieving your Rs 10 crore goal. Reinvesting earnings generates earnings on earnings, exponentially increasing your wealth over time. With a 13-15 year horizon, your investments have ample time to grow significantly through compounding.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Your SIPs in mutual funds are a disciplined approach to investing, mitigating market volatility and averaging cost. Continue this strategy, as it leverages the power of compounding effectively.

Public Provident Fund (PPF) and Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)
Stability and Tax Benefits
Your annual investments in PPF (Rs 1.5 lakh) and SSY (Rs 1.5 lakh) offer stability and tax benefits under Section 80C. These instruments provide guaranteed returns and are risk-free, balancing your high-risk mutual fund investments.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF)
Secure and Reliable
Your EPF contributions (Rs 3.4 lakh yearly) offer a secure, long-term saving avenue with tax benefits. The EPF is a cornerstone for retirement planning, providing a steady growth rate.

Evaluating Your Current Strategy
Alignment with Goals
Your current strategy is robust, focusing on a mix of high-risk, high-reward mutual funds and stable, tax-efficient instruments like PPF, SSY, and EPF. This diversified approach aligns well with your Rs 10 crore goal.

Potential Adjustments
Increase Allocation to Actively Managed Funds: Shift some investments from index funds to actively managed funds to potentially enhance returns.
Diversify Within High-Risk Funds: Ensure your high-risk mutual fund portfolio is diversified across various sectors to mitigate specific sector risks.
Regular Reviews: Conduct regular portfolio reviews and rebalancing to stay aligned with market conditions and personal goals.
Final Insights
Your proactive approach to financial planning is commendable. You've created a diversified portfolio with a mix of high-risk mutual funds and stable, tax-efficient investments. This strategy is well-aligned with your goal of accumulating Rs 10 crores in the next 13-15 years.

Consider the following:

Reallocate some investments from index funds to actively managed funds for potentially higher returns.
Maintain a balance between high-risk and stable investments to cushion against market volatility.
Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to stay on track with your goals.
Stay disciplined with your SIPs and leverage the power of compounding. Your commitment to a long-term investment horizon will pay off.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello sir, I am 43 years old and a Govt. employee. I need to plan for my children's future and my retired life too as I am not under OPS but under NPS. Cash-in-hand salary after all deductions is 40k. Following are my investments: 1) PPF 37 lacs, 1.50lacs yearly contribution. 2) SSA 14 lacs, 1.50lacs yearly contribution. 3) PF 27 lacs, 32K monthly contribution managed by my employer. 4) NPS 26 lacs, 25K monthly contribution both managed by my employer. 5) A house through Home loan which I will repay by 60. 6) MF Portfolio: 26 lacs against investment of 10lacs in following funds: Nippon India Tax Saver, Nippon India Small Cap, HSBC Infrastructure Fund, HDFC Midcap Opportunities, DSP NRNE, HSBC Midcap, ABSL Focused, Mirae Asset Large Cap, SBI Bluechip, SBI Balanced Advantage, Tata Smallcap, Baroda BNP Paribas Smallcap, Quant Active, Axis Smallcap, SBI Contra, SBI Automotive Opportunities I am investing in above 16 funds through 1000 monthly SIP and plan it to continue till 60. Thereafter I am planning to start SWP with the available corpus at that time. Kindly advise especially about my MF portfolio allocation and my planning for retirement whether I am proceeding in the right direction or do I need to make some changes. Your advice would be beneficial to me. Thanks in advance.
Ans: Planning for your children's future and your retirement is wise. With your current investments, you're on the right path but let’s refine your strategy for better results. Here’s a detailed analysis and suggestions.

Current Investments Analysis
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your PPF is robust with Rs 37 lacs and an annual contribution of Rs 1.5 lacs. This is a safe and tax-efficient investment, but it’s important to balance safety with growth.

PPF gives guaranteed returns, but they are moderate. It’s a great tool for safety and long-term growth.

Sukanya Samriddhi Account (SSA)
SSA is an excellent choice for your daughter’s future. With Rs 14 lacs and an annual contribution of Rs 1.5 lacs, it’s a solid investment for her education and marriage expenses. Like PPF, it offers safety and decent returns.

Provident Fund (PF)
Your PF balance is Rs 27 lacs with a monthly contribution of Rs 32k. This is a great safety net for retirement. PF offers guaranteed returns and tax benefits.

National Pension System (NPS)
NPS is a good retirement savings tool, providing market-linked returns. Your NPS balance is Rs 26 lacs with a monthly contribution of Rs 25k. It’s flexible and offers better returns over time.

Home Loan
Having a house is a good asset, and repaying your home loan by 60 is a prudent goal. Owning a home gives financial stability in retirement.

Mutual Fund Portfolio
Your mutual fund (MF) portfolio is Rs 26 lacs against an investment of Rs 10 lacs. Investing in 16 different funds through monthly SIPs of Rs 1,000 each is commendable but needs refinement for better performance.

Refining Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Reduce the Number of Funds
Investing in too many funds dilutes potential gains. Consider consolidating your portfolio. Focus on a balanced mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

Active vs. Passive Management
Actively managed funds, like the ones you have, are good as fund managers can adapt to market changes. They aim to outperform the benchmark.

Suggested Fund Categories
Large-Cap Funds
These invest in well-established companies with stable returns. They provide steady growth and lower risk.

Mid-Cap Funds
These invest in medium-sized companies with growth potential. They offer higher returns but with higher risk.

Small-Cap Funds
These target small companies with high growth potential. They are risky but can offer significant returns.

Balanced Advantage Funds
These dynamically manage asset allocation between equity and debt. They provide stability and growth.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experts who make informed decisions on your behalf.

Diversification
Investing in mutual funds allows diversification, reducing risk and enhancing potential returns.

Liquidity
Mutual funds are relatively liquid. You can redeem your investment anytime.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs help in disciplined investing, averaging out costs and reducing market timing risk.

Compounding
Mutual funds benefit from the power of compounding, significantly growing your investment over time.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Flexibility
Index funds strictly follow the index, offering no flexibility in changing market conditions.

Average Returns
Index funds aim to match the index returns, which are average and not always the best.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Potential to Outperform
Actively managed funds aim to outperform the index, providing higher returns.

Flexibility
Fund managers can make strategic decisions based on market conditions.

Evaluating Your Current Strategy
Monthly Contributions
You’re investing Rs 1000 per month in 16 funds, totaling Rs 16,000 monthly. This is a good strategy but can be optimized by focusing on fewer, high-performing funds.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Starting an SWP after 60 is a smart move. It provides regular income and keeps your investment growing.

Optimizing Your Investments
Focus on Quality Funds
Choose funds with a consistent track record. Look for those with good ratings and past performance.

Monitor and Review
Regularly review your portfolio. Make changes if necessary to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Risk Management
Ensure your portfolio matches your risk appetite. Diversify to balance risk and returns.

Long-Term Goals
Children's Education and Marriage
Your SSA is a great start. Consider additional investments in mutual funds for higher returns to cover inflation-adjusted expenses.

Retirement Planning
Your PF, NPS, and PPF are solid foundations. Enhance your retirement corpus with balanced mutual funds for growth.

Additional Suggestions
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. It ensures financial stability in unforeseen circumstances.

Health Insurance
Ensure adequate health insurance for your family. It prevents dipping into savings during medical emergencies.

Tax Planning
Maximize tax-saving investments under Section 80C and other applicable sections. It optimizes your post-tax returns.

Final Insights
Your current investments show a well-planned approach towards securing your future and your children’s. With a few refinements in your mutual fund portfolio and regular monitoring, you can enhance your returns and achieve your goals more efficiently.

Stay focused on your long-term objectives. Continue your disciplined investment approach, and you will see substantial growth in your wealth over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir, I am 40 yr old having work-expereince of 10 yrs behind me in ITes, customer support & service, banking and sales & marketing (product). My life till now can easily be converted into a bollywood biopic having its own twist & turns, roadblocks, struggles laughter, joy and sorrow. Change is the only constant in life and that exactly applies in my case. Although it has been a satisfactorily life till now given that I know myself and how I lead my life. Whenever I start to read something new I feel like going deep into it. I am also easily attracted to novel things & concepts. I usually get into procastination mode whenever I come across something entirely new and start to imagine myself trying it out in realilty.Why does this happens? Why can't I focus on one single thing at a time and see it to completion? I know in todays world generalists are looked down upon and it is an era of specialists, experts and professionals having good domain knowledge of their area of work. It is always better to be an expert than be a jack of all trades (which seems very filmy nowadays where a hero is expected to do everything on his own). Lately I have developed an avid interest in technology and i keep on reading various articles & books on IT and technology. I am also pursuing an online cyber security course from Great Learning Institute, Bangalore. I want to know am I going in the correct direction in life or is it something else I should do which ensures more satisfaction in life? Lately, I have become bit irriiated as well due to the above reasons as I tend to do multiple things at a time (multitasking). My parents are also fed up of me now. My mother keeps nagging me all day.I dont know how to really deal with her, as she always finds perfection in everything. That becomes too much at times. Does this happens in every household? Should I go out and travel to some place in order to temporarily escape from all this? Kindly suggest me some course of action. Pls answer. Thanks
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You will be distracted and keep trying new things until you actually figure out what you want for yourself in life.
- How does you life seem like a few years down the line?
- What must you do NOW to actually get to where you want in life?

And to answer these questions, you first need to identify a strong, solid goal in life. Either you work with a mentor or your boss or a friend or an expert who can help you identify your goal and purpose. That might help you stay the course and actually streamline your thoughts, your job and your daily life.
Travel used for learning is great but using it to escape only worsens things...So, work on Goal-Setting!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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