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Can I accumulate 2 Crore by 50 with my current 1.2 L monthly salary?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6978 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi Gurus I'm 39, married and no kids, sole breadwinner in the family. My salary is 1.2 lakh per month and investing in mutual funds (since 2020) through SIP as below and step up investment 10-15% every year. Current corpus stands at 14 lakh. I have 10lakh in my PF account and I get another 5 lakh from gratuity. Mirae Asset tax saver fund 5k Parag parikh tax saver 3k Quant elss 3k Canara robecco small cap 5k SBI small cap 5k Tata digital India fund 5k I have parked 20 lakhs in debt fund and FD which I'm planning to use it to buy a flat within a year. Every month I keep aside 15k towards savings and emergency fund. I move it to debt fund, FD and I invest small portion of my bonus in existing MFs as lumpsum. My goal is to accumulate 2 CR by the time I turn 50 and need suggestions and plans to achieve the same.

Ans: You are 39 years old, married, and the sole breadwinner. Your monthly salary is Rs 1.2 lakh, and you have been investing in mutual funds since 2020. Your investments include a combination of tax-saving mutual funds, small-cap funds, and a sector-specific fund. You have also parked Rs 20 lakh in debt funds and fixed deposits for buying a flat within a year. Additionally, you have Rs 10 lakh in your Provident Fund (PF) and Rs 5 lakh in gratuity.

You have set a goal to accumulate Rs 2 crore by the age of 50. This is an achievable goal, but it will require some adjustments and strategic planning to optimise your savings and investments.

You are also setting aside Rs 15,000 each month towards an emergency fund and savings, while reinvesting some of your bonus into mutual funds. Let's go step-by-step to achieve your goal while ensuring financial security along the way.

Current Investment Strategy
Your investment portfolio includes:

Three tax-saving mutual funds
Small-cap mutual funds
A sector-specific fund
Rs 20 lakh parked in debt funds and fixed deposits for a future property purchase
Your current investment strategy is diversified across equity and debt instruments. This diversification is good, but there is room for improvement in your equity mutual fund selection and tax efficiency.

Analysis of Current Investments
Equity Mutual Funds
Small-Cap and Sector-Specific Funds: Small-cap funds can provide high returns over time but also carry higher risks. Over-exposure to small-cap funds can make your portfolio volatile, especially as you near your retirement goal. A sector-specific fund, while offering focused growth, can also be risky if the sector underperforms.

Tax-Saving Funds: While tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS) provide tax benefits, there may be an overlap in the holdings of your ELSS funds. Additionally, ELSS funds have a 3-year lock-in period, which reduces liquidity.

Debt Funds and FDs
You have wisely parked Rs 20 lakh in debt funds and fixed deposits, which ensures stability and liquidity for your property purchase. However, investing large amounts in fixed deposits may not be the most tax-efficient strategy in the long run due to the high tax on interest income.

Suggestions for Achieving Your Rs 2 Crore Goal
To accumulate Rs 2 crore by the age of 50, you need a more optimised approach. Here are the steps:

1. Review and Adjust Your Equity Allocation
Increase Mid-Cap and Flexi-Cap Exposure: As you are still 11 years away from your goal, consider shifting a portion of your investments from small-cap and sector-specific funds to more balanced options like mid-cap and flexi-cap funds. These funds offer a balance between risk and return, providing more stability than small-cap funds while still offering high growth potential.

Reduce Sector-Specific Fund Exposure: Sector funds can be volatile. Consider reallocating your investment in this fund to more diversified equity funds like flexi-cap or large-cap funds. These funds are less volatile and provide more stable returns over time.

2. Reassess Your Tax-Saving Funds
Optimise ELSS Investments: You already have multiple ELSS funds, which may result in overlapping holdings and lower diversification. You could consolidate your ELSS investments into one or two well-performing funds. This will simplify your portfolio and improve returns while still offering tax benefits.

Consider the Lock-in: Keep in mind the 3-year lock-in period of ELSS funds. If liquidity is a concern, consider reducing your ELSS exposure once you’ve maximised your Section 80C limit.

3. Focus on Regular Funds over Direct Funds
Investing through a certified financial planner (CFP) in regular funds is better than investing in direct funds by yourself. A CFP can provide ongoing advice, portfolio rebalancing, and support during market fluctuations, which is crucial for reaching your Rs 2 crore goal.

4. Build a Strong Emergency Fund
You are already setting aside Rs 15,000 per month towards savings and your emergency fund. Aim to build a fund that covers at least 6 to 12 months' worth of expenses. Given your Rs 50,000 monthly expense, this would mean an emergency fund of Rs 3 lakh to Rs 6 lakh.

Continue to park this money in debt funds or fixed deposits for easy liquidity. This will safeguard you from any unforeseen expenses while ensuring that your long-term investments remain untouched.

5. Bonus Investment Strategy
You are already investing your bonus into mutual funds as a lump sum. This is a good practice, but consider utilising this money strategically:

Top-Up Your Existing SIPs: Rather than investing the entire bonus in one go, you could use it to top up your SIPs in your existing mutual funds. This will average your investment cost and reduce market timing risks.

Boost Equity Allocation: If your risk appetite allows, allocate more of your bonus towards equity mutual funds. This can provide higher returns in the long run, contributing significantly to your Rs 2 crore goal.

6. Step-Up Your SIPs Annually
You have mentioned that you step up your SIPs by 10-15% every year. Continue with this approach, as it aligns well with your growing income and inflation. This will accelerate your wealth accumulation and keep your goal on track.

For instance, a 10-15% increase in SIP amounts every year can make a significant difference to your final corpus. By increasing your SIPs, you will also take advantage of compounding and market growth.

7. Debt Fund Considerations
You have Rs 20 lakh in debt funds and fixed deposits. Once you buy your flat, this money will likely be reduced. However, after the purchase, you should maintain a portion of your savings in debt funds as part of your overall asset allocation.

Debt funds provide stability and reduce risk, which is essential as you approach your retirement goal. A balanced portfolio of equity and debt is necessary for sustainable growth.

8. Retirement Planning
To achieve Rs 2 crore by the time you turn 50, you need a mix of aggressive growth in the early years and risk mitigation in the later years.

Increase Equity Exposure for Now: As you have 11 years until retirement, continue focusing on equity funds for growth. However, once you are within 5 years of your retirement goal, gradually shift a portion of your equity investments to debt funds to protect your capital.

Avoid Real Estate Investments: Since you are planning to buy a flat within a year, avoid additional investments in real estate. Real estate is illiquid and may not provide returns aligned with your retirement timeline.

Maximise Provident Fund Contributions: You already have Rs 10 lakh in your PF, and this will continue growing with your monthly contributions. Provident Fund provides a safe and stable return and should remain a core part of your retirement corpus.

9. Tax Efficiency
As your investments grow, consider tax efficiency:

Tax on Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Be mindful of these taxes when planning withdrawals.

Tax on Debt Funds and FDs: Interest income from fixed deposits is taxed as per your income slab, which is less tax-efficient than equity investments. You can reduce your tax burden by keeping longer-term investments in equity funds and shorter-term savings in debt funds.

Final Insights
With proper planning, accumulating Rs 2 crore by the age of 50 is within your reach. You are already on the right track with a balanced approach to savings and investments. However, minor adjustments in your mutual fund selection, better tax efficiency, and maintaining a strong emergency fund can further optimise your strategy.

Your commitment to stepping up your investments and regularly reviewing your portfolio will help you stay on track. Be consistent with your SIPs and disciplined in maintaining your long-term focus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6978 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

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Hi My self Doctor Shantanu having age 41 yrs My monthly income is approx 4 lakhs with 40,000 rent I got from my real state invest. I have investment of 1cr in mf sip and shares and doing 1.5 lakhs sip per month I am investing 1.5 lakhs in ppf per yr with 15 lakhs in ppf . Plus 50,000 per yr in nps with 8 lakhs fund in nps . I have lic and icici pru policy’s of 75 lakhs sun assured which are going to mature in next 10 -15 yrs . With emergency fund of 10 lakhs in fd I have 2 kids 13 yrs and 8 yrs my goal is to accumulate 2 cr in next 10 yrs for kids education and 2lakhs per month pension on retirement at age of 60 . Plz guide and is it possible
Ans: Dr. Shantanu, your commitment to securing your family's future and your proactive approach towards financial planning is commendable. Let's outline a comprehensive strategy to achieve your goals while ensuring financial stability throughout your life journey.

Understanding Your Goals and Responsibilities

As a dedicated professional and caring parent, your primary objectives include providing quality education for your children and securing a comfortable retirement. By aligning your investments with these goals, we can chart a path towards realizing your aspirations.

Optimizing Investment Allocation
Your diversified investment portfolio comprising mutual funds (MF SIPs), shares, Public Provident Fund (PPF), National Pension System (NPS), and insurance policies lays a solid foundation for wealth accumulation.

Maximizing Returns Through Strategic Allocation
While Mutual Fund SIPs offer systematic wealth accumulation, direct stock investments require careful selection and periodic review to optimize returns. Consider rebalancing your portfolio periodically to maintain alignment with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Leveraging Tax-Efficient Investment Avenues
PPF and NPS contributions offer tax benefits while facilitating long-term wealth creation. By leveraging these tax-efficient avenues and maximizing your annual contributions, you can enhance your savings potential and accelerate progress towards your financial targets.

Evaluating Insurance Coverage
While insurance policies provide financial protection, it's essential to assess their adequacy in meeting your family's future needs. Consider reviewing your insurance coverage periodically to ensure it remains aligned with your evolving circumstances and goals.

Planning for Education Expenses
With a clear goal of accumulating ?2 crores for your children's education in the next 10 years, systematic investment planning is crucial. By allocating a portion of your monthly income towards education-specific investment avenues, such as diversified equity funds or education savings plans, you can capitalize on growth opportunities while mitigating risk.

Securing Retirement Income
Your aspiration for a ?2 lakhs per month pension upon retirement necessitates diligent retirement planning. By maximizing contributions to retirement-oriented investment vehicles like NPS and exploring supplementary retirement savings options, such as annuities or diversified income-generating assets, you can work towards securing a comfortable post-retirement lifestyle.

Building Emergency Reserves
Maintaining a robust emergency fund ensures financial resilience during unforeseen circumstances. With ?10 lakhs already allocated to FDs, continue to prioritize liquidity and accessibility in your emergency fund to address any unexpected expenses without disrupting your long-term investment objectives.

Conclusion
Dr. Shantanu, with your proactive approach and commitment to financial planning, achieving your aspirations is indeed feasible. By adhering to a disciplined investment strategy, regularly reviewing and adjusting your portfolio, and seeking professional guidance when needed, you can navigate towards a future of financial security and abundance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |587 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi Gurus I'm 39, married and no kids, sole breadwinner in the family. My salary is 1.2 lakh per month and investing in mutual funds (since 2020) through SIP as below and step up investment 10-15% every year. Current corpus stands at 14 lakh. I have 10lakh in my PF account and I get another 5 lakh from gratuity. Mirae Asset tax saver fund 5k Parag parikh tax saver 3k Quant elss 3k Canara robecco small cap 5k SBI small cap 5k Tata digital India fund 5k I have parked 20 lakhs in debt fund and FD which I'm planning to use it to buy a flat within a year. Every month I keep aside 15k towards savings and emergency fund. I move it to debt fund, FD and I invest small portion of my bonus in existing MFs as lumpsum. My goal is to accumulate 2 CR by the time I turn 50 and need suggestions and plans to achieve the same.
Ans: Hello;

Your current MF corpus of 14 L may grow into a sum of 33 L, after 11 years.

Your current monthly SIP of 26 K will need to be topped up by 15% each year upto 11 years.

If you just want to do 10% yearly top-up then the monthly sip amount will be required to be increased to 33 K.(Consider existing funds or good large and midcap type mutual fund for additional sip)

After 11 years this top-up sip may yield you a sum of 1.41 Cr.

Assuming PF corpus to grow at a modest rate of 7.75% into a sum of 22.73 L.

Since your bonus lumpsum additions amounts are not known, they are not factored into the above working.

Adding all these amounts with 5 L gratuity gives you a comprehensive corpus of 2 Cr+ by the time you complete 50 years.

A modest return of 13% is considered from pure equity funds for the calculation.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6978 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, Am 47 year old private sector employee earning around 125K salary + 40K ( some other income) monthly. Currently all my loans cleared but planning buy a home for which I need to pay 100K towards loan EMI per month towards home loan of 1.0 Cr. Having commitments of children's education as well in next 2 year onwards. Currently holding MF investments of 2Lacks as mentioned below: 1. Motilal Oswal midcap fund regular growth - 10K 2. SBI PSU fund -growth -10K 3. HDFC small cap fund regular growth - 20K 4. ICICI prudential infrastructure fund growth - 10K 5. HDFC NIFTY Next50 Index Fund direct - 50K 6. HDFC Mid-Cap Opportunities Fund-DG - 50K 7. SBI Nifty Smallcap 250 Index Fund Reg - 40K 8. SBI silver ETF FoF Reg growth - 10K Assuming retirement at the age of 60. Pls advice how can I create additional wealth to pre-close the home loan and create 1cr on retirement.
Ans: You are earning Rs. 125,000 from your salary and Rs. 40,000 from other sources, which gives you a total monthly income of Rs. 165,000. With all your loans cleared, you’re now planning to take a home loan of Rs. 1 crore with an EMI of Rs. 100,000. You also have upcoming commitments related to your children's education in two years.

You have Rs. 2 lakhs invested in mutual funds (MFs) across various schemes. Your goal is to pre-close your home loan and create a retirement corpus of Rs. 1 crore by age 60.

At 47, you have a 13-year window before retirement. To meet these goals, we need to take a 360-degree approach. Let’s evaluate your current investments, income, and future commitments, and suggest steps that align with your goals.

Key Points to Consider
Your home loan EMI of Rs. 100,000 per month will significantly impact your cash flow.

Children’s education costs are expected in two years, adding further financial responsibility.

You have 13 years to create wealth before retirement.

These commitments demand a balanced approach between managing EMIs, future expenses, and growing your wealth for retirement.

Assessing Your Current Mutual Fund Investments
Your mutual fund portfolio of Rs. 2 lakhs is diversified across various categories. Here’s an analysis of your current portfolio:

Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds
You have a notable exposure to mid-cap and small-cap funds. These funds offer high growth potential but come with higher volatility. Since you have a long-term horizon, this is fine. However, you need to ensure you don’t over-expose yourself to these funds. Mid- and small-cap funds can be highly volatile, especially in the short term.

A balanced portfolio would reduce the risk of short-term market swings while keeping the potential for long-term growth intact.

PSU and Sectoral Funds
You are also invested in PSU and infrastructure funds. Sector-specific funds can be risky as their performance is tied to the particular sector’s growth. Such funds may not perform consistently across market cycles. You could consider reducing your exposure to sectoral funds and reallocating to diversified equity funds.

Diversified equity funds can reduce the sector-specific risks while providing similar growth potential over the long term.

Index Funds: A Suboptimal Choice
You have invested in index funds, which simply replicate market indices. While these funds come with lower expense ratios, they lack flexibility. Index funds do not outperform the market, as they are designed to mirror it. In contrast, actively managed funds are managed by professional fund managers. These managers aim to outperform the market and make tactical decisions based on market conditions.

Given your goals, actively managed funds are a better choice for wealth creation. They can provide better returns over time compared to passive index funds.

Direct Funds vs Regular Funds
You’ve also invested in direct plans, which may seem attractive because of their lower expense ratios. However, direct funds don’t come with the guidance and professional advice you get from regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A CFP can help you regularly review and rebalance your portfolio based on market conditions, helping you avoid costly mistakes.

Investing in regular plans through a CFP can provide the much-needed personalized advice and periodic portfolio reviews to ensure your investments stay on track to meet your goals.

Creating Additional Wealth to Pre-Close Home Loan
Your goal of pre-closing the home loan is achievable with the right strategy. Let’s look at some key points:

1. Increase Your SIP Investments
You should increase your Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) contributions. You are currently investing Rs. 2 lakhs across different funds. To meet your goal of creating additional wealth to pre-close your loan and retire with Rs. 1 crore, you need to boost your monthly SIPs. Consider increasing your SIPs by 10-15% every year.

For example, if you start with an additional Rs. 20,000 per month and increase it annually, your portfolio will grow significantly over time.

2. Focus on Balanced Funds
Since you have high exposure to mid-cap and small-cap funds, you should consider adding balanced advantage funds to your portfolio. These funds dynamically shift between equity and debt depending on market conditions. This will provide some stability to your portfolio, especially as you approach retirement.

Balanced funds help mitigate risks and offer consistent returns over the long term.

3. Prioritize Equity-Oriented Funds
Given your long-term horizon, equity-oriented mutual funds should remain your primary investment. They offer the highest potential for growth over a 13-year period. However, you need to diversify across large-cap, multi-cap, and flexi-cap funds. These funds are less volatile than mid-cap and small-cap funds but still provide good returns.

By maintaining a diversified equity portfolio, you can benefit from market growth while keeping your risk profile balanced.

4. Reduce Sectoral Fund Exposure
Consider reducing your exposure to sectoral funds like PSU and infrastructure funds. Instead, reallocate those investments to diversified equity funds or large-cap funds. These funds provide more consistent returns and are less risky compared to sectoral funds.

A well-diversified portfolio will perform better across different market conditions.

Planning for Your Children’s Education
Education expenses for your children are a significant commitment in the next two years. You need to start setting aside funds specifically for this goal. Here’s what you can do:

1. Create a Dedicated Fund for Education
Set up a separate SIP for your children’s education. You could invest in hybrid funds or debt-oriented funds to build a corpus for this goal. Since this is a short-term goal, it’s better to focus on funds with lower risk.

By setting aside a specific amount every month, you can ensure that your children’s education is taken care of without impacting your other financial goals.

2. Use Debt Funds for Short-Term Needs
For short-term commitments like education, consider debt mutual funds. These funds are less volatile and can offer better returns than traditional fixed deposits. Additionally, debt funds are more tax-efficient compared to FDs, as they benefit from indexation if held for more than three years.

Debt funds are an ideal option to save for upcoming educational expenses.

Creating a Rs. 1 Crore Retirement Corpus
Your goal is to create Rs. 1 crore by the time you retire at 60. Here’s a strategy to achieve this:

1. Increase Equity Exposure Gradually
You are currently 47 years old, and with 13 years left to retirement, you should maintain a high equity exposure for the next 7-10 years. Gradually increase your equity investments in a mix of large-cap and multi-cap funds. These funds provide growth potential with a more stable risk profile.

Over time, you can start reducing your equity exposure as you approach retirement.

2. Keep Reinvesting Dividends
If your funds offer dividend options, ensure that you reinvest dividends. Reinvesting helps compound your returns and grow your wealth faster. Compounding can significantly boost your corpus over time.

3. Tax-Efficient Investments
Keep in mind the tax implications of your investments. Equity mutual funds are taxed differently based on the holding period:

Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

When planning withdrawals during retirement, it’s essential to manage taxes efficiently to maximize your returns.

Managing Your Home Loan
Paying a home loan EMI of Rs. 100,000 per month will be a significant expense. Here’s how you can manage it:

1. Increase EMIs When Possible
Whenever you get a salary hike or an increase in your other income, try to increase your EMI payments. This will help you reduce the loan tenure and save on interest costs.

2. Use Bonuses and Windfalls
If you receive any bonuses, incentives, or windfalls, consider using a part of these to make pre-payments on your home loan. Pre-paying can help you clear the loan faster, reducing the interest burden.

Final Insights
At 47, your focus should be on balancing between your short-term and long-term financial goals. While the home loan will consume a significant portion of your income, you can still build wealth by strategically increasing your investments.

By adjusting your mutual fund portfolio, increasing your SIPs, and focusing on tax-efficient investments, you can achieve your goal of pre-closing your home loan and creating a Rs. 1 crore retirement corpus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am in a interfaith relationship since 6+ years and I have the sweetest and most well mannered and caring guy as my boyfriend. I was born as a Hindu and he’s been adopted in a Muslim family. Though we both are agnostic and religion barely made any difference or issues in between us. My family knows about us since the last 2 years and his family has accepted us and is willing to talk to my family. Whereas, my father was initially understanding and willing to talk but now he has turned totally against this relationship after my mother,brother and other relatives have influenced them. They have asked me to choose between them and my love. I told them that by doing this they’ve left me no choice but to die, in which they taunted me asking in which ritual my body will be cremated-the hindu way or the Muslim. I am mentally and emotionally broken and cant seem to think straight. It feels like i am being dragged into a blackhole and cant really come out of it. What should i do?
Ans: give yourself permission to focus on your mental and emotional well-being. It can be incredibly helpful to talk to a counselor or therapist who can give you a safe space to work through the overwhelming emotions you’re feeling. These conversations could give you clarity and strength to make decisions that prioritize your happiness and peace.

At some point, it may be worth approaching your family again, but with a different mindset—one that isn’t trying to change their beliefs but instead focuses on helping them see your happiness as a priority. You could try to appeal to them on the basis of your well-being, asking them to look beyond religious labels to see the person who loves and cares for you. They may need time, and they may resist, but sometimes families gradually come to understand that happiness in a relationship matters more than anything else.

In the meantime, lean on your boyfriend for support, and let him know how much you’re struggling. If he’s as caring and understanding as you’ve described, he’ll stand by you through this and will want to help you feel less alone. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s a choice you feel aligns with your own sense of self and future. The love you feel is real, and though this journey is incredibly hard, there is a path forward—even if it doesn’t feel clear right now.

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 12, 2024
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This will be kind of a long story... I've been in a relationship for over 4 years now and I really love spending time with my girlfriend and I never cheated on her...like she is the one, but as time goes I seem to have a different opinion of what I want in life...for she doesn't want kids and I do and sometimes that's a reason for discussion but not over-escalating it just ends there...lately we don't even have sex like about 2 months now...she fell ill for some time and now she is ok we barely get to go out. So I started this new job on some kind of high position within the company like a month ago and we had an after-office time, there was this girl there that is in another department...didn't really called my attention in there, we sat in a table and started talking and drinking, in one of the things we talked I spoke about my current relationship (everyone did) and even metioned the I want kids problem. The party was over finished in that place and we hit a club. In there of course booze was up and this girl just started dancing all sexy on me and I was like oookay then...well of course alcohol gets the best or worst of us so I started dancing with her and In one of those moments we were sooo close and I yes...I tried to kiss her...she just laughed and avoided in the first time but then...we were kissing and touching just too passionaly that having the clothes on was really annoying ..well I was really drunk, problem for me was about our other colleagues...will they report this...will she tell? (this can really go against me as I am new in the company) will others tell (because everyone saw us) I didn't wrote her later because I was too damn embarrassed, in the next week I was like so nervous at the job and when we cross paths we just say hi in a normal way and this just brings thoughts to my head of guilt and embarrassement but NOT REGRETTING thoughts... this no regret thing is driving me crazy...I see her and start looking at her in a different way, like I pay attention to the way she dress, the way she has her hair, she walks and I said to myself...WTF IS HAPPENING am I falling gor this girl? So I wrote her and wanted to clear up some things...if she told someone (but it was more line an excuse just to talk to her about what happened and try to know what she felt), but she justs...DOESN'T HAVE IDEA WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT...really? And as you can imagine we didn't get to talk about this and honestly in my head I get lot of mixed ideas about this reaction of her...like the things I said before anything happened...like my relationship thing or she is just applying some sort of strategy or It was just one night rush and FULL of regrets now... but c'mon we see each other everyday. I KNOW I did bad for cheating on my girlfriend but the emotion there is absolutely gone and the thing with this girl...well when we talked in the bar I spoke of wanting to have kids and everything maybe she also wants it? Did she took all the first interaction and I was really being attractive there? Well what should I do? I am not writting her anymore to push her to talk...her reaction of ignoring what happened gives me the right sign to stop it there I want her really bad and I'm about to give up my relationship in these days...
Ans: Given how strong the chemistry was with this colleague, it’s understandable that her recent dismissal of the incident feels confusing. There’s a chance that for her, it was an impulsive, one-time event—something she might not want to pursue further for her own reasons. Her behavior could be a signal that, despite the attraction, she wants to keep things professional, possibly feeling it would complicate both of your lives to acknowledge what happened. This can feel conflicting, especially since the experience brought out emotions you might not have felt in a while.

The real question here is what these events are showing you about your current relationship. The excitement and interest you felt for someone new suggest that you may be craving a deeper connection or more alignment with a partner on important life issues. Before you make any big decisions, I’d recommend having an open, honest conversation with your girlfriend about where you both see yourselves in the future. Discuss how each of you views things like children, intimacy, and growth in the relationship. Sharing your thoughts might bring out clarity on whether you’re both on the same path or if it’s time to consider parting ways.

Remember, whatever happens with this colleague, there’s value in addressing the core issues in your relationship first. Taking time to be clear about what you want in a partnership—whether it’s more shared goals, connection, or family—can help you find fulfillment in the long run, whether it’s with your current partner or someone new.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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