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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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I am doing a SIP of 21000 in various mf schemes like ICICI technology direct, bandhan financial, axis small cap, mirae asset multi allocation fund, uti mutual sine 1.5 years. I am 49 years old. How much should I increase my allocation to reach a goal of 2 crores by age 60. And also suggest some schemes which can make to reach this Target. Thank you.

Ans: Your commitment to systematic investing through SIPs in various mutual fund schemes showcases your proactive approach to wealth creation at 49 years old. Let's explore how you can adjust your allocation and identify suitable schemes to reach your goal of accumulating 2 crores by age 60.

Understanding Your Current Investment Strategy:
Before diving into adjustments, it's essential to understand your current investment strategy and its alignment with your financial goals.

Evaluating SIP Contributions:
Your SIP contributions of 21,000 in schemes spanning technology, financial, small cap, and multi-allocation funds demonstrate a diversified approach to investment.

Assessing Goal Alignment:
Your goal of accumulating 2 crores by age 60 presents a clear target, guiding our assessment of your current investment trajectory.

Adjusting Allocation to Reach Goals:
To achieve your target of 2 crores by age 60, consider increasing your SIP allocation based on factors such as investment horizon, risk tolerance, and expected returns.

Recommending Suitable Mutual Fund Schemes:
Selecting the right mutual fund schemes is crucial for maximizing growth potential and mitigating risk. Here are some recommendations aligned with your goal:

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion of your SIP contributions to diversified equity funds with a proven track record of delivering consistent returns over the long term.

Sectoral Funds: Consider allocating a smaller portion to sectoral funds, such as technology and financials, to capitalize on specific growth opportunities within these sectors.

Small Cap Funds: Given your investment horizon and risk appetite, small cap funds can offer significant growth potential, albeit with higher volatility.

Multi-allocation Funds: Multi-allocation funds provide diversification across asset classes, offering stability and growth potential, making them suitable for a balanced portfolio approach.

Commitment to Financial Growth:
As we recalibrate your investment strategy to align with your goals, rest assured that I'm committed to providing ongoing support and guidance. Your proactive approach to wealth creation is commendable and serves as a testament to your financial acumen.

Conclusion: Cultivating Financial Abundance with Purpose
In conclusion, by adjusting your SIP allocation and selecting suitable mutual fund schemes, you're well-positioned to achieve your goal of accumulating 2 crores by age 60. By embracing strategic investment decisions and remaining committed to your financial journey, you pave the way for long-term prosperity and abundance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 30, 2024

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current salary 50k age 29. My MF allocation per month is Sbi small cap- 8k Hsbc mid cap- 2k Axis bluechip- 1k Quant active fund - 80k lumpsum Quant tax fund- 2k Kotak india EQ contra fund- 1k My view is 5 ,15 and 30 years. How much estimate further SIP I must need to get 10 lakh income monthly at age 60. Also current nps deduction is 9k which increases as per income and years of job.please suggest
Ans: Understanding Your Current Investment Strategy

Your commitment to investing at a young age is commendable. Your diversified mutual fund portfolio and consistent contributions show a strategic approach towards financial growth.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio

Your current investments include a mix of small-cap, mid-cap, blue-chip, and contra funds. This diversification helps spread risk and potentially enhance returns. Your lump sum investment and SIPs reflect a balanced strategy.

Assessing Your Financial Goals

You aim to secure a Rs 10 lakh monthly income by age 60. This ambitious goal requires meticulous planning and consistent investment. Let's break down how you can achieve this.

Estimating Required Monthly SIPs

To achieve Rs 10 lakh monthly at 60, your portfolio needs to grow significantly. This requires an aggressive yet prudent investment strategy, including increasing your SIPs. The exact SIP amount depends on expected returns, inflation, and market conditions.

Increasing Your Monthly SIPs

Your current SIPs total Rs 14,000 per month. To reach your goal, you likely need to increase this amount. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your SIPs ensures alignment with your financial objectives.

Optimizing Fund Selection

While your current funds are well-chosen, consider funds with a history of consistent performance and lower expense ratios. Actively managed funds can offer higher returns, especially with professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds provide professional oversight, potentially outperforming index funds. They adapt to market changes and optimise returns, a crucial factor in achieving long-term financial goals.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds mimic the market, which might limit potential returns. They lack active management, making them less flexible in volatile markets. Actively managed funds offer tailored strategies to enhance growth.

Importance of Professional Guidance

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures expert advice and personalised strategies. They help you navigate market complexities and make informed decisions for your portfolio.

Considering National Pension System (NPS)

Your current NPS contribution of Rs 9,000 is beneficial for long-term retirement planning. The NPS provides tax benefits and a stable retirement corpus, supplementing your mutual fund investments.

Periodic Review and Rebalancing

Regularly review your portfolio's performance. Rebalancing ensures your investments remain aligned with your financial goals and market conditions. This proactive approach optimises returns and manages risk.

Creating a Comprehensive Financial Plan

Beyond SIPs and lump sum investments, consider other financial aspects like emergency funds, insurance, and tax planning. A holistic financial plan ensures a secure and well-rounded approach to wealth creation.

Monitoring Market Trends

Stay informed about market trends and economic factors. This knowledge helps you make timely adjustments to your investments, maximising returns and mitigating risks.

Seeking Professional Advice

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner ensures you receive tailored advice, aligning your investments with your retirement goals. Their expertise helps you optimise your portfolio for long-term growth.

Conclusion

Your dedication to investing is impressive. By strategically increasing your SIPs, optimising fund selection, and seeking professional guidance, you can achieve your goal of Rs 10 lakh monthly income by age 60.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2024Hindi
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Sir, I am 53 yrs old and I have invested in various mutual funds through SIP and I want 50-70 lacs @ age 60. I have invested in HDFC mid cap opportunity rs 1000 (from 6 yrs), Kotak flexi cap rs 1500 (from 6 yrs), Nippon small cap rs. 1500 ( from 8 yrs), Motilal Oswal Nifty Index 500 Rs50000 (Lumpsum amt before1.5 yrs),Kotak Banking & fin rs. 30000 ( lumpsum amt before 6 months),ICICI multi Asset fund rs 75000 ( lumpsum amt before 6 months ago) and quant ELSS tax saver fund SIP rs 1000 from 2 months. So kindly advise me if above mf is good or any changes and how much amount can invest for achieving my goal. I have ready to more invest through SIP up to rs. 5000.
Ans: You are 53 years old and aim to accumulate Rs. 50-70 lakhs by the age of 60. You have invested in various mutual funds through SIPs and lump sums. Let's analyze your current portfolio and provide suggestions to help you achieve your financial goal.

Understanding Your Current Portfolio
SIP Investments:

HDFC Mid Cap Opportunity Fund: Rs. 1,000 per month (invested for 6 years)
Kotak Flexi Cap Fund: Rs. 1,500 per month (invested for 6 years)
Nippon Small Cap Fund: Rs. 1,500 per month (invested for 8 years)
Quant ELSS Tax Saver Fund: Rs. 1,000 per month (invested for 2 months)
Lump Sum Investments:

Motilal Oswal Nifty Index 500 Fund: Rs. 50,000 (invested 1.5 years ago)
Kotak Banking & Financial Services Fund: Rs. 30,000 (invested 6 months ago)
ICICI Multi Asset Fund: Rs. 75,000 (invested 6 months ago)
Evaluating Your Investments
SIP Investments
HDFC Mid Cap Opportunity Fund: Mid-cap funds offer high growth potential but come with higher risk. A six-year investment period shows commitment, which is good for compounding returns.

Kotak Flexi Cap Fund: Flexi cap funds provide diversified exposure across market capitalizations, balancing risk and reward effectively.

Nippon Small Cap Fund: Small-cap funds can deliver high returns but are also highly volatile. An eight-year investment period is commendable for long-term growth.

Quant ELSS Tax Saver Fund: ELSS funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C and have a lock-in period of three years, making them a good choice for tax-saving and long-term growth.

Lump Sum Investments
Motilal Oswal Nifty Index 500 Fund: Index funds track the market and typically have lower expense ratios. They provide steady growth with lower risk.

Kotak Banking & Financial Services Fund: Sectoral funds are concentrated in specific sectors, making them riskier. Six months is a short period to evaluate performance.

ICICI Multi Asset Fund: Multi-asset funds diversify across asset classes, providing balanced growth and risk management.

Recommendations for Achieving Your Goal
Increasing SIP Contributions
To achieve Rs. 50-70 lakhs in seven years, you need to increase your monthly SIP investments. You mentioned you are willing to invest an additional Rs. 5,000 per month. Let's allocate this wisely.

Suggested SIP Allocation:

Equity Funds: Focus on a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds to balance risk and return.

Balanced Funds: Include balanced or hybrid funds for stability and moderate growth.

Debt Funds: Allocate a portion to debt funds for safety and stable returns.

Portfolio Adjustment
Reduce Concentration in Small and Mid Caps: While small and mid caps have growth potential, they are also volatile. Maintain a balanced allocation to reduce risk.

Diversify Sectoral Exposure: Sectoral funds can be risky. Consider reducing exposure and diversifying into more stable, broad-based funds.

Rebalance Periodically: Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Projected Growth and Feasibility
Assuming an average annual return of 10-12% from a well-diversified portfolio, you can estimate the future value of your investments. Regular SIP contributions and lump sum investments should be calculated using financial tools or consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for precise projections.

Steps to Implement the Plan
Increase SIP Contributions: Start the additional Rs. 5,000 SIP immediately, distributing it among diversified funds.

Regular Reviews: Conduct annual portfolio reviews to assess performance and make necessary adjustments.

Maintain Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses without disrupting your investment plan.

Insurance Coverage: Ensure adequate life and health insurance to protect against unforeseen risks.

Final Thoughts
Your disciplined approach to investing through SIPs and lump sums is commendable. With careful planning, increasing your SIP contributions, and maintaining a balanced portfolio, achieving your goal of Rs. 50-70 lakhs by the age of 60 is feasible. Regular reviews and adjustments will keep you on track to meet your financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am 25 years old.I am investing 23,000 Evey month in MF(60% in mid cap, 30% large cap and 10 to 15% around small cap). I will increase my SIP with my salary like if I got 15 to 20% hike. I want to increase my SIP accordingly. I want 20 crore of age of 45. Pls guide me. how can I achieve my Goal. My salary is 2 lakh per month!!!
Ans: You want Rs. 20 crores by age 45. This is a significant goal, but achievable with disciplined investing.

Current Investment Strategy
SIP Allocation
60% in mid-cap funds

30% in large-cap funds

10% in small-cap funds

Monthly Investment
Rs. 23,000 per month currently
Future SIP Increases
Plan to increase SIP with salary hikes
Evaluating Your Current Strategy
Mid-Cap Funds
Growth Potential: Mid-cap funds offer high growth potential.

Risk: They are riskier compared to large-cap funds.

Large-Cap Funds
Stability: Large-cap funds are stable and provide steady returns.

Lower Risk: Less volatile compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.

Small-Cap Funds
High Growth: Small-cap funds can provide high returns.

High Risk: They are the most volatile.

Recommendations to Achieve Rs. 20 Crores
Increase SIPs Regularly
Annual Increases: Increase your SIPs by 15-20% annually.

Bonus Investments: Invest additional income from bonuses.

Diversify Your Portfolio
Balanced Approach: Consider adding debt funds for stability.

Reduce Risk: Balance high-risk investments with safer options.

Consider Actively Managed Funds
Expert Management: Actively managed funds can outperform index funds.

Regular Reviews: Ensure fund managers are adjusting to market conditions.

Avoid Direct Funds
Lack of Guidance: Direct funds lack professional guidance.

Benefits of Regular Funds: Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials ensures expert advice.

Long-Term Investment Discipline
Stay Invested
Market Volatility: Do not panic during market downturns.

Long-Term Focus: Keep your focus on the long-term goal.

Rebalance Your Portfolio
Regular Reviews: Review your portfolio every six months.

Adjust Allocations: Rebalance based on performance and market conditions.

Tax Efficiency
Utilize Tax-Saving Instruments
ELSS Funds: Consider Equity Linked Savings Scheme for tax benefits.

NPS: National Pension System offers tax benefits and long-term growth.

Emergency Fund
Maintain Liquidity
Emergency Savings: Keep 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid fund.

Avoid Withdrawal: Do not dip into your SIP investments for emergencies.

Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner
Expert Advice: Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized strategies.

Regular Check-ins: Schedule regular reviews with your planner.

Final Insights
To achieve Rs. 20 crores by age 45, increase your SIPs regularly and diversify your portfolio. Balance high-risk investments with safer options and consider actively managed funds. Stay disciplined, review your portfolio regularly, and seek professional advice to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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